Consejos Bilingues

ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF
Grown-Up Advice From Your Uncle in New York City

GETTING A COMPLIMENT
One day you ll find yourself getting a compliment. Accept it without reflexively d
isputing its merit. Simply say Thank you for the compliment, or if you really must
deflect, Thank you, that means a lot coming from you.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 37 Notes | December 18, 2016
TALKING ABOUT WOMEN
One day you ll find yourself talking about women. If the conversation turns crude,
exuse yourself. Men often bond through such talk, so it can be a difficult conv
ersation to leave, but the more you talk crudely about women, the more likely yo
u ll eventually behave crudely as well.
LIFE ADVICE | 42 Notes | November 7, 2016
USING A URINAL
One day you ll find yourself using a urinal. Now is the time to be antisocial. Fin
d the urinal that creates the most space between you and everyone else in the ba
throom, and don t talk, especially not on your cell phone.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 17 Notes | October 20, 2016
LISTENING TO A FRIEND
One day you ll find yourself listening to a friend. Do him or her a favor and just
listen. Don t peek at your cell phone or plan what to say when it s your turn to ta
lk. Just listen. Even if it requires closing your eyes to concentrate, just list
en.
LIFE ADVICE | 59 Notes | September 29, 2016
WONDERING IF SOMEONE LIKES YOU
One day you ll find yourself wondering if someone likes you. When someone likes yo
u, they want to be physically around you. That doesn t mean, however, crowding a p
erson and hoping he or she doesn t go away. It simply means noticing when someone
finds a reason to be near you.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 55 Notes | August 20, 2016
YAWNING
One day you ll find yourself yawning. Cover your mouth.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 46 Notes | August 14, 2016
KNOWING SOMETHING
One day you ll find yourself knowing something. Good for you, but that s no reason t
o stop listening. If the more you know the less you listen, the quicker you ll fin
d yourself back to knowing nothing.
LIFE ADVICE | 57 Notes | August 11, 2016
BEING TREATED LIKE A CHILD
One day you ll find yourself being treated like a child. If by a parent, an effect
ive reply is I may be your child, but I m not a child, but only if that second part
is really true.
Extra Points: Double-check that second part.
LIFE ADVICE | 52 Notes | July 10, 2016
BUYING A GUN
One day you ll find yourself buying a gun. Or maybe not. I haven t bought a gun, but
I have bought a vacuum cleaner, and despite not enjoying vacuuming, I made a me
ss just to try it out. Don t make a mess just to try out a gun.
LIFE ADVICE | 52 Notes | June 26, 2016
COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
One day you ll find yourself comparing yourself to others. Stop it. Comparing your
self to others will only make you feel envious or vain, and neither feeling is u
seful.
LIFE ADVICE | 81 Notes | June 12, 2016
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WANTING SOMETHING
One day you ll find yourself wanting something. Add effort, talent, and a little l
uck, and you ll likely succeed. Simply wanting something, however, is not itself a
n achievement.
Extra Points: Youth is not an achievement either.
LIFE ADVICE | 57 Notes | May 8, 2016
PROPOSING
One day you ll find yourself proposing. Don t marry because someone solves a problem
for you, e.g. lonliness, status, or money. Marry because you know that together
the two of you can solve any problem life presents.
Extra Points: Life will present problems.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 63 Notes | April 30, 2016
EMPHASIZING WHILE WRITING
One day you ll find yourself emphasizing while writing. Use italics, not quotation
marks, or anyone who knows better will roll their eyes.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 33 Notes | April 17, 2016
SITTING ON FURNITURE
One day you ll find yourself sitting on furniture. If it s not your furniture, keep
your feet on the floor.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 46 Notes | March 29, 2016
VISITING SOMEONE S HOME
One day you ll find yourself visiting someone s home. Err on the side of leaving ear
ly; better your hosts regret your departure than regret their invitation.
GETTING DRESSED
One day you ll find yourself getting dressed. Don t just dress in what makes you com
fortable; dress in what makes you confident.
STYLE ADVICE | 82 Notes | February 28, 2016
WANTING TO BE RICH
One day you ll find yourself wanting to be rich. Being rich simply means being wit
hout need, so you can either accumulate much wealth or learn to need very little
. Or, more likely, somewhere in-between.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 64 Notes | February 10, 2016
RECEIVING AN INVITATION
One day you ll find yourself receiving an invitation. If it includes a request for
a RSVP, do so as quickly as possible. Unsure you can make it? Send your regrets
rather than placing the burden of your indecision on your host.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 38 Notes | January 24, 2016
WAKING UP IN THE MORNING
One day you ll find yourself waking up in the morning. Forgive the clich?, but rec
ognize this opportunity for what it is, another day to live. And while it ll mostl
y be another day to go to school or go to work, it can also be another day to cr
eate something, strengthen a friendship, spend time with an aging relative, or s
imply enjoy life and your good health.
LIFE ADVICE | 78 Notes | January 3, 2016
OPENING A GIFT
One day you ll find yourself opening a gift. This means someone spent the time and
money to go to the store, buy the gift, wrap it, and maybe even mail it. So eve
n if you don t like the gift, there s still reason to be grateful.
Extra Points: Be grateful.
LIFE ADVICE | 30 Notes | December 25, 2015
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COMPLAINING
One day you ll find yourself complaining. It s okay to do so as long as you also giv
e compliments. Don t only be a complainer.
LIFE ADVICE | 54 Notes | November 30, 2015
WORKING WHILE ON VACATION
One day you ll find yourself working while on vacation. Resist the urge. Vacation
is not just for relaxing and taking a break from your coworkers it s also for giving
your coworkers a break from you.
Extra Points: This is especially true if you re a manager.
WORK ADVICE | 41 Notes | October 20, 2015
WANTING TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
One day you ll find yourself wanting to impress a woman. Start by asking her about
herself and then actually listening to the answer.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 63 Notes | October 14, 2015
WRITING U RATHER THAN YOU
One day you ll find yourself writing U rather than You. Unless you have big plans
for the half-second you ll save and won t just waste it on Facebook, do your part to
slow the decline of Western civilization by actually spelling words correctly.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 62 Notes | September 24, 2015
BEING PROVED WRONG
One day you ll find yourself being proved wrong. Excellent. You ve learned something
very important, that a belief you once held to be true was actually false. And
thus chastened, you might consider which of your remaining beliefs might also pr
ove false.
DEALING WITH A DEATH
One day you ll find yourself dealing with a death. Even if it was expected or some
one you didn t know well, take time to mourn. Join friends, family, and colleagues
in celebrating the deceased s life, or in the very least, write down your memorie
s. Mourning cannot be done alone in your head; it must be expressed.
OFFERING YOUR SEAT
One day you ll find yourself offering your seat. The implication that one is pregn
ant, aged, or infirm may be even more uncomfortable than standing, so make the o
ffer as discretely as possible, even if means simply vacating your chair.
BUYING UNDERWEAR
One day you ll find yourself buying underwear. Buy whatever underwear you please if
you wear your pants right, no one will see it anyway.
Extra points: Wear your pants right.
STYLE ADVICE | 75 Notes | July 22, 2015
HAVING A BAD ARGUMENT
One day you ll find yourself having a bad argument. Bad arguments often follow dou
ble dismissals, i.e. not only denying a request, but also disputing its validity
. Want an example? No, I won t visit your family this weekend, and besides, you spe
nd too much time with them anyway. Discuss both points if you must, but make them
separate conversations.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 38 Notes | July 9, 2015
WATCHING FIREWORKS
One day you ll find yourself watching fireworks. Don t be a cynic. Fireworks can be
enjoyed at any age.
USING A CREDIT CARD TO BUY SOMETHING YOU CAN T AFFORD
One day you ll find yourself using a credit card to buy something you can t afford.
Don t have the cash for that $20 cab ride now? What about in six months when inter
est has raised that same unpaid ride to $40? Take the bus.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 41 Notes | June 18, 2015
FURNISHING YOUR FIRST APARTMENT
One day you ll find yourself furnishing your first apartment. Don t try to finish al
l at once by buying cheap furniture at a big-box store. Save money by reusing wh
at s in your family s garage and attic and what you can find on Craigslist. Also, be
a collector rather than a decorator. Surround yourself with family photos, trav
el souvenirs, books, and other things you love. Doing so will make you happy and
your home unique.
TALKING ON THE PHONE
One day you ll find yourself talking on the phone. Smile. They ll hear it on the oth
er end.
Extra Points: They ll also hear you eating on the other end.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 100 Notes | May 13, 2015
WANTING WASHBOARD ABS
One day you ll find yourself wanting washboard abs. Wait it out. Worrying about yo
ur abs is unbecoming after the age of 35, and achieving a six-pack only means yo
u ll eventually become a guy who once had a six-pack.
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | 42 Notes | May 7, 2015
GOSSIPING
One day you ll find yourself gossiping. It s human nature and a natural way to bond,
but just know that talking about others invites others to talk about you as wel
l.
LIFE ADVICE | 74 Notes | April 12, 2015
MAKING A HARD CHOICE
One day you ll find yourself making a hard choice. For example, which college to a
ttend. Don t think of it as a problem to solve or something for which there s a righ
t answer. Good or bad choices almost always depend on the effort you make after
the choice, not the choice itself.
COMFORTING A FRIEND
One day you ll find yourself comforting a friend. Don t ask Is there anything I can d
o? as that only shifts the burden of the good deed to your suffering friend. Go o
ut on a limb and do something thoughtful without being asked.
LIFE ADVICE | 103 Notes | March 26, 2015
BEING ASKED TO CONFORM
One day you ll find yourself being asked to conform. Refusing is often justified,
but consider whether it s really just a request to be considerate. No one, for exa
mple, is oppressing you by asking that you dress nicely for your grandfather s fun
eral.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 101 Notes | February 22, 2015
PLAYING HOST
One day you ll find yourself playing host. Your guests will take their cues from y
ou, so remember that if you don t enjoy yourself, no one else will either.
WRITING
One day you ll find yourself writing. Writing is rewriting. It s excising words and
reworking thoughts until an idea is expressed as concisely and precisely as poss
ible. Persistent writing and rewriting begets both clarity and style.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 117 Notes | January 31, 2015
FEELING SPECIAL
One day you ll find yourself feeling special. Stop it. Yes, you re unique, but so is
everyone else. Enjoy what you share in common with others rather than aggrandiz
ing the differences.
VIEWING A PHOTO ON SOMEONE ELSE S PHONE
One day you ll find yourself viewing a photo on someone else s phone. Unless invited
to, don t swipe left or neither of you may enjoy what s seen next.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 106 Notes | January 14, 2015
LEAVING THE HOUSE
One day you ll find yourself leaving the house. Make sure to wear pants, and note,
pajamas aren t pants.
STYLE ADVICE | 103 Notes | December 4, 2014
REHEARSING AN ARGUMENT
One day you ll find yourself rehearsing an argument. In other words, you ll enact en
tirely within your head both sides of an anticipated confrontation. Stop it. The
confrontation is not yet real, but the emotions you feel while rehearsing it ar
e. Don t start a real argument already agitated by an imaginary one, and don t be up
set by something someone has only said in your head.
LIFE ADVICE | 175 Notes | December 1, 2014
BUYING FLOWERS
One day you ll find yourself buying flowers. Avoid grocery-store bouquets, carnati
ons, baby s breath, and anything dyed. Visit a reputable florist or simply buy sev
eral stems of a classic, in-season flower like a tulips, hydrangeas, or peonies.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 60 Notes | November 16, 2014
BEING DUMPED
One day you ll find yourself being dumped. Want her to reconsider? Hold your head
high and let her go, and she may wonder whether she s making a mistake. If not, yo
u ll at least have your dignity.
USING SILVERWARE
One day you ll find yourself using silverware. Hold the knife with your right hand
and fork with the left and keep the tines pointed down. When presented with mor
e than one knife or fork, work from the outside in with each course. Eat from th
e edge of the spoon, not the tip, and signal you re done by resting the fork and k
nife in the middle of the plate. Finally, don t point anything at anyone.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 54 Notes | November 3, 2014
GAMBLING
One day you ll find yourself gambling. If you can t easily shrug off losing the amou
nt wagered, stop betting and go home.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 31 Notes | October 25, 2014
WEARING SHOES
One day you ll find yourself wearing shoes. This happens frequently, so put some e
ffort into wearing the right ones. For example, unless you plan to run during di
nner, don t wear running shoes during dinner.
STYLE ADVICE | 83 Notes | October 22, 2014
PLANNING A BACHELOR PARTY
One day you ll find yourself planning a bachelor party. While it s traditional to ce
lebrate the night before the wedding, it s also among the world s worst ideas. Groom
s should enter married life clear-eyed and alert, not hungover.
DRINKING ADVICE | 55 Notes | October 12, 2014
FALLING OUT OF LOVE
One day you ll find yourself falling out of love. If so, your objective should be
making the breakup easy on her, not yourself. And contrary to common belief, thi
s does not mean making bullshit excuses so that you can both continue thinking y
ou re a nice guy. It means being frank about your lack of interest so she can move
on.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 111 Notes | September 16, 2014
KISSING A GIRL ON THE CHEEK
One day you ll find yourself kissing a girl on the cheek. This is great, sophistic
ated fun, but unless she s your significant other, your lips and her cheek should
not actually touch.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 60 Notes | September 10, 2014
INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB
One day you ll find yourself interviewing for a job. Keep your cell phone off and
out of sight at all times. Send a thank you email afterwards, but not during wor
k hours if you already have a job.
Extra Points: Times have changed. You need not wear a suit to the interview if y
ou wouldn t be wearing a suit to the job.
WORK ADVICE | 54 Notes | August 16, 2014
ORDERING WINE
One day you ll find yourself ordering wine. The first thing to know is that old wo
rld wines, i.e. European, are identified by region, whereas new world wines are
identified by grape. Until you learn the region or grape you like, ask your wait
er for a recommendation and don t be shy about specifying a price.
Extra Points: If you feel you ve been served a bad bottle but are unsure, ask the
waiter to taste.
DRINKING ADVICE | 29 Notes | August 9, 2014
PLANNING A GROUP OUTING
One day you ll find yourself planning a group outing. Be a mensch and plan around
the slimmest wallet of the group, not the fattest.
BEING SERVED A BAD MEAL
One day you ll find yourself being served a bad meal. You re allowed to send it back
, but be nice about it. Your waiter didn t make the meal, but he or she can remove
it from your bill and comp your drink.
DINING ADVICE | 46 Notes | July 26, 2014
MOVING TO A NEW CITY
One day you ll find yourself moving to a new city. If you don t know anyone, now is
not the time to live by yourself. Find a few roommates roughly your age. You won t
always get along, but you will always have company and an easy way to meet new
people.
TRAVELING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY
One day you ll find yourself traveling to a foreign country. Don t be an ugly Americ
an. Ask before speaking English, and at the very least, spend some time on the p
lane learning the correct words for please and thank you .
TRAVEL ADVICE | 91 Notes | July 6, 2014
EATING OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL
One day you ll find yourself eating oysters on the half shell. You ll soon learn tha
t lemon is sufficient garnish, bigger is seldom better, and the small fork is us
ed for detaching the oyster, not placing it in your mouth.
Extra Points: For added panache, turn over each empty shell as you return it to
the ice.
DINING ADVICE | 36 Notes | June 30, 2014
SEEKING A SOUL MATE
One day you ll find yourself seeking a soul mate. This may be as unromantic as it
is truthful, but know that if your soul mate exists, the relationship will be fo
rged, not found.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 140 Notes | June 25, 2014
CLARIFYING
One day you ll find yourself clarifying. When doing so, i.e. and e.g. are very handy,
but know the difference. The former means in other words while the latter means for
example .
Extra Points: Former refers to the first item, while latter refers to the second.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 99 Notes | June 5, 2014
LOOKING IN A MIRROR
One day you ll find yourself looking in a mirror. While it s necessary part of each
day, avoid doing so in front of others.
CHOOSING A CAREER
One day you ll find yourself choosing a career. Whatever your choice, don t expect i
mmediate success, but do know that with persistence some degree of success is in
evitable. Want to be an artist, writer, actor, or some other glamorous professio
n? Be prepared to first fail at it for ten years.
WORK ADVICE | 123 Notes | May 19, 2014
ENTERING A ROOM
One day you ll find yourself entering a room. Head up. Shoulders back. Mind open.
GETTING GOOD AT SOMETHING
One day you ll find yourself getting good at something. Be careful what you get go
od at as you may find yourself doing it longer than you intended.
WORK ADVICE | 79 Notes | May 10, 2014
SPEAKING TO A WAITER
One day you ll find yourself speaking to a waiter. You should try or have the burrata,
not do the burrata, which by the way, sounds unnecessarily salacious. Extra Point
s: Not being clergy, your waiter isn t concerned at the end of the meal whether yo
u re good ; he wants to know if you ve had sufficient to eat.
DINING ADVICE | 27 Notes | May 5, 2014
RECEIVING A BUY BACK OR FREE DRINK
One day you ll find yourself receiving a buy back or free drink. The bartender is no
t just being nice you need to tip on free drinks as well.
DRINKING ADVICE | 31 Notes | May 3, 2014
MAKING A NEW ACQUAINTANCE
One day you ll find yourself making a new acquaintance. You can either assume the
best about people or you can assume the worst, but either way they ll need time to
prove you wrong. I ve frequently assumed the worst about people and have often be
en right, but those who habitually assume the best are among the happiest people
I know.
BEING PROMOTED
One day you ll find yourself being promoted. What worked in your previous role won t
necessarily work in your new one, so you may need to take the difficult step of
abandoning what once made you successful.
WORK ADVICE | 44 Notes | April 26, 2014
GRADUATING COLLEGE
One day you ll find yourself graduating college. Resist any temptations or offers
to move home. Force yourself to find a job, live on a budget, and become an adul
t.
TEXTING
One day you ll find yourself texting. For both your safety and the safety of other
s, stand still. Don t text while crossing the street, walking down stairs, or, god
forbid, driving a car.
Extra Points: When standing still, also stand out of the way.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 98 Notes | April 19, 2014
SAYING LIKE A LOT
One day you ll find yourself saying like a lot. Please stop. If your generation can t
quit the habit, we ll eventually have an American president who speaks that way to
o.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 90 Notes | April 14, 2014
GROWING OLDER
One day you ll find yourself growing older. The older you get, the more important
posture becomes.
STARTING A NEW RELATIONSHIP
One day you ll find yourself starting a new relationship. It will invariably trans
ition from a period of excitement to one of negotiation, and will then only cont
inue if the same person doesn t win every argument.
Extra Points: Living apart can extend the excitement and delay the negotiation,
hence the surprising popularity (and infrequent success) of long-distance relati
onships.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 93 Notes | April 6, 2014
DRINKING AT AN OFFICE PARTY
One day you ll find yourself drinking at an office party. Want to be an observer o
f the inevitable shit show rather than the star? Skip the liquor and drink only
beer and wine.
Extra Points: Only amateur drinkers call in sick the morning after an office par
ty.
DRINKING ADVICE | 46 Notes | April 5, 2014
ARRIVING LATE FOR A RESERVATION
One day you ll find yourself arriving late for a reservation. Notify the restauran
t by calling en route, and if others in your party are waiting for you, consider
sending a round of drinks.
DINING ADVICE | 50 Notes | March 29, 2014
RAISING A CHILD
One day you ll find yourself raising a child. Remember that children honor commitm
ents more than commands, e.g. a child who commits to the idea that lying is wron
g will seldom do so, but a child commanded not to lie will make lying a game.
Extra Points: Don t call a son Buddy. You re the adult. Call him Son.
WANTING LOVE
One day you ll find yourself wanting love. Leave the house and love life, and roma
ntic love will follow.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 280 Notes | March 23, 2014
SMOKING
One day you ll find yourself smoking. Don t start. Once a habit, it s nearly impossibl
e to quit.
Extra Points: Avoid cartons. When you start buying in bulk, your habit has becom
e a lifestyle.
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | 89 Notes | March 22, 2014
MAKING MONEY
One day you ll find yourself making money. And one day you may even make more mone
y than you imagine. Remember, though, that wealth is a moving target, and while
additional money won t keep you happy for long, the fear of losing it quickly beco
mes permanent.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 104 Notes | March 16, 2014
BRUSHING YOUR TEETH
One day you ll find yourself brushing your teeth. Don t brush too hard. Think polish r
ather than scrub .
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | 56 Notes | March 15, 2014
ANNOYED BY A STRANGER
One day you ll find yourself annoyed by a stranger. Your annoyance may be justifie
d, but keep in mind that we rarely excuse in others what we routinely forgive in
ourselves. For example, other drivers are maniacs, but we only speed because we r
e running late.
ANNOYED BY FAMILY OR FRIENDS
One day you ll find yourself annoyed by family or friends. Much irritating behavio
r (e.g. excessive nagging and talking too much) is just a way to cope with stres
s, so it follows that your family and friends are most irritating when they re lea
st comfortable. Allay their discomfort and you ll curb your annoyance as well.
SELLING SOMETHING ON CRAIGSLIST
One day you ll find yourself selling something on Craigslist. If someone emails to
ask if the item is still available, your answer should always be Yes, but severa
l people have shown interest. People want what other people want.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 67 Notes | March 2, 2014
ARRIVING OVERDRESSED
One day you ll find yourself arriving overdressed. So what? It s far better than arr
iving underdressed.
WORKING WITH AN INEPT COLLEAGUE
One day you ll find yourself working with an inept colleague. Many people make car
eers out of being nice rather than being competent, so he or she may be quite li
kable as well. Let it go, but keep it in mind the next time you visit a friendly
doctor.
WORK ADVICE | 45 Notes | February 27, 2014
EATING PIZZA
One day you ll find yourself eating pizza. Don t get fat two or three slices are enoug
h for anyone.
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | 71 Notes | February 20, 2014
FACING PEER PRESSURE
One day you ll find yourself facing peer pressure. Remember, it s not that your frie
nds want you to do something, it s that they want to feel better about doing it th
emselves.
LIFE ADVICE | 125 Notes | February 19, 2014
TALKING ABOUT MONEY
One day you ll find yourself talking about money. If you re doing it in public, you re
being an asshole.
FINANCIAL ADVICE | 62 Notes | February 17, 2014
BEING INVITED TO SOMETHING YOU DON T WANT TO ATTEND
One day you ll find yourself being invited to something you don t want to attend. Im
mediately and politely decline and then move on.
BUYING YOUR FIRST TIE
One day you ll find yourself buying your first tie. You re not a schoolboy selecting
a backpack or lunch box, so it need not feature your favorite cartoon character
or sports team.
NOTICING A BLEMISH
One day you ll find yourself noticing a blemish. Whether it s on a shirt, sofa, or y
our person, rubbing will only make it worse.
GETTING MARRIED
One day you ll find yourself getting married. When you do, make sure it s to someone
who challenges you. An unchecked adult remains a child, and successful marriage
s tend to require grown-ups.
Extra Points: Start every day by saying Good morning, beautiful and close the door
when using the bathroom.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 155 Notes | February 6, 2014
SWEARING
One day you ll find yourself swearing. Have at it, but not in public and not in fr
ont of children.
MEETING SOMEONE NEW
One day you ll find yourself meeting someone new. Take note of his or her name and
then repeat it at the end of the conversation few things are more appealing than
the sound of one s own name. Extra Points: For people wearing name tags, the oppos
ite is true.
STARTING A NEW JOB
One day you ll find yourself starting a new job. Don t assume your coworkers know wh
at they re doing, just that they ve been doing it for longer.
WORK ADVICE | 62 Notes | January 20, 2014
BOOKING A VACATION HOTEL
One day you ll find yourself booking a vacation hotel. Unless you want to share yo
ur vacation with drunk, out-of-town businessmen, avoid hotels that advertise con
ference rooms and business centers.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 13 Notes | January 16, 2014
TURNING UP YOUR COLLAR
One day you ll find yourself turning up your collar. Remember, always on a coat, s
ometimes on a jacket, never on a shirt.
STYLE ADVICE | 45 Notes | January 12, 2014
GAINING A LITTLE WEIGHT
One day you ll find yourself gaining a little weight. It may not seem much, but by
adding just two pounds a year, you ll arrive at your ten-year reunion twenty poun
ds overweight.
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | THROWING OUT A CHRISTMAS TREE
One day you ll find yourself throwing out a Christmas tree. When you do, don t be th
e guy who can t be bothered to remove the lights.
SHOPPING FOR A SPECIAL GIFT
One day you ll find yourself shopping for a special gift. Buy her something she wo
uldn t buy herself, but don t feel the need to overspend. An exceptional version of
an everyday item, e.g. a vintage copy of a favorite book, seldom fails to impres
s.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 31 Notes | December 17, 2013
ARRIVING LATE TO A MORNING MEETING
One day you ll find yourself arriving late to a morning meeting. When you do, don t
show up with coffee your boss will reasonably assume that if you had time for coff
ee, you had time to make the meeting.
WORK ADVICE | 24 Notes | December 15, 2013
PACKING FOR A TRIP
One day you ll find yourself packing for a trip. Travel is your chance to be someo
ne else. Pack accordingly.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 65 Notes | December 4, 2013
RIDING THE SUBWAY
One day you ll find yourself riding the subway. Don t enter the car before everyone
exits, and once aboard, don t block the doorway, lean against the pole, or read ov
er someone else s shoulder. Most of all, don t put anything in your mouth subways are
filthy.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 9 Notes | November 9, 2013
WEARING A BLACK SUIT
One day you ll find yourself wearing a black suit. This can only mean you re going t
o a funeral, a formal event, or home to change.
STYLE ADVICE | 13 Notes | November 5, 2013
HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME
One day you ll find yourself having sex for the first time. In truth, there s little
chance you ll marry that first partner, but there s some chance you ll make a baby. P
lan accordingly and wear a condom.
Extra Points: If you think it might be too soon, it s too soon.
HAILING A CAB
One day you ll find yourself hailing a cab. If it s for a woman, give the driver her
address. If you re feeling especially flush or in love, prepay her fare as well.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 17 Notes | October 17, 2013
WEARING SUNGLASSES
One day you ll find yourself wearing sunglasses. Wear them indoors if you like, bu
t not on top of your head that s called a tiara.
Extra Points: Remove your sunglasses before leaning over a toilet.
STYLE ADVICE | 34 Notes | October 7, 2013
BORED WITH ONLINE DATING
One day you ll find yourself bored with online dating. Want to be the rare man in
a room full of interesting women? Take a French class or attend the ballet.
SWIMMING
One day you ll find yourself swimming. When joined by family and friends, remember
that no one is so old that he or she doesn t enjoy being waved to from the shore.
SMITTEN WITH A STRANGER
One day you ll find yourself smitten with a stranger. At least once while you re sti
ll single, take a chance and say hello.
PLANNING A THREE-DAY WEEKEND
One day you ll find yourself planning a three-day weekend. Avoid the Sunday night
blues by taking off Monday instead of Friday, and then also enjoy a short work w
eek when you return.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 25 Notes | September 7, 2013
COMBATTING PIT STAINS
One day you ll find yourself combatting pit stains. Many men err by doubling down
on deodorant, not realizing that deodorant itself is the cause. Either don t wear
it not recommended or buy deodorant without aluminum.
STYLE ADVICE | 17 Notes | August 25, 2013
BEING ASKED DIRECTIONS
One day you ll find yourself being asked directions. Apparently someone thinks you
know what you re doing, so take the time to give good advice.
FEELING LOW
One day you ll find yourself feeling low. A sure remedy is singing and dancing wit
h friends, hence the popularity of karaoke bars.
GOING TO A KARAOKE BAR
One day you ll find yourself going to a karaoke bar. Enjoy yourself, but put away
your damn cell phone. No wants to be filmed singing.
JOGGING ON A SIDEWALK
One day you ll find yourself jogging on a sidewalk. That s fine, but don t express fru
stration at anyone in your way you re the one jogging on a sidewalk.
Extra Points: Riding a bike on a sidewalk is even worse.
HEALTH & FITNESS ADVICE | 20 Notes | July 28, 2013
DATING A WOMAN WITH MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOU
One day you ll find yourself dating a woman with more experience than you. Don t be
concerned about the number, only that she treated her past partners with honesty
and respect.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | 29 Notes | July 22, 2013
GIVING A WEDDING TOAST
One day you ll find yourself giving a wedding toast. Rest easy, only three things
are required to get it right: thank the host, compliment the bride, and keep it
short. Attempt any more at your own risk.
COMMUNICATION ADVICE | 18 Notes | July 21, 2013
ATTENDING THEATER
One day you ll find yourself attending theater. Remember to wait for your date bef
ore sitting down so that everyone in your row doesn t have to stand up twice. Duri
ng the play, don t talk, eat, lean forward, or move your head excessively. And if
it s your first time, don t expect to enjoy it adjusting to a camera angle that never ch
anges takes time.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 15 Notes | July 9, 2013
CALLING IN SICK
One day you ll find yourself calling in sick. Take this opportunity to note what y
ou re wearing and then vow never to wear it outside
the house.
STYLE ADVICE | 10 Notes | July 2, 2013
ARRIVING IN AN EUROPEAN CITY
One day you ll find yourself arriving in an European city. If you ve flown from the
Unites States, it ll be morning, you ll be jet-lagged, and your hotel won t be ready.
Leave your bags at the front desk and find a boat tour. Almost every city has on
e, and it s a great way to acclimate to your new surroundings.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 16 Notes | June 24, 2013
COMPETING IN A DRINKING CONTEST
One day you ll find yourself competing in a drinking contest. Take this moment to
stop and rethink your life, but if you must continue, eat as many eggs beforehan
d as possible.
DRINKING ADVICE | 13 Notes | June 20, 2013
OPENING A GOLF UMBRELLA
One day you ll find yourself opening a golf umbrella. If you re not standing on a go
lf course or in your own backyard, you re everything that s wrong with the world.
ETIQUETTE ADVICE | 13 Notes | June 15, 2013
WEARING SHIRTSLEEVES TOO SHORT FOR YOUR JACKET
One day you ll find yourself wearing shirtsleeves too short for your jacket. Unbut
toning your cuffs usually affords an extra quarter-inch and looks rakish to boot
.
STYLE ADVICE | 4 Notes | June 5, 2013
TAKING A SAFARI
One day you ll find yourself taking a safari. You ve travelled all that way to look
at animals, so be sure to bring binoculars.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 8 Notes | June 4, 2013
DINING OUT WITH A LARGE GROUP
One day you ll find yourself dining out with a large group. Expect that someone wi
ll underpay and that it ll be your wallet and not the waiter s tip that will cover t
he shortfall. If this is unacceptable, don t attend most group dinners are miserable
anyway.
DINING ADVICE | 16 Notes | May 18, 2013
BEING SHOWN NUDE PHOTOS OF A FRIEND S GIRLFRIEND
One day you ll find yourself being shown nude photos of a friend s girlfriend. Don t l
ook, but do reconsider the friendship.
GREETING SOMEBODY WHILE SITTING AT A TABLE
One day you ll find yourself greeting somebody while sitting at a table. Do your b
est to push your chair away from the table and fully stand. Few things are more
awkward or emasculating than shaking hands from a half-squat.
ENTERING COLLEGE
One day you ll find yourself entering college. College is great, but don t forget to
leave higher education should prepare you for the world, not become it.
POINTING
One day you ll find yourself pointing. Don t. And especially not at women in bars.
DEALING WITH A BATHROOM ATTENDANT
One day you ll find yourself dealing with a bathroom attendant. Tip well and tip o
ften, but don t tip him. A man standing between you and the paper towels is perfor
ming a shakedown, not a service.
DOING LAUNDRY
One day you ll find yourself doing laundry. Driers waste electricity while slowly
fading, weakening, and otherwise destroying your clothes. Save both the environm
ent and your wardrobe by hang-drying.
STYLE ADVICE | 13 Notes | April 7, 2013
HAVING FUN
One day you ll find yourself having fun. Enjoy your fun, but not at the expense of
anyone else.
Extra Points: Most trouble starts off as fun.
FUCKING UP AT WORK
One day you ll find yourself fucking up at work. It happens, so give an honest acc
ounting of the mistake and just make sure it doesn t happen again.
WORK ADVICE | 30 Notes | March 31, 2013
TRAVELING
One day you ll find yourself traveling. And one day you ll find yourself taking a va
cation. There s a difference, and you should set aside time for both.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 31 Notes | March 24, 2013
CONFUSED BY MANNERS
One day you ll find yourself confused by manners. Just remember the object of mann
ers is to put others at ease and you ll be okay.
ASSEMBLING A WARDROBE
One day you ll find yourself assembling a wardrobe. When doing so, don t confuse fas
hion with style. A man should find a style that works for him and turn it into a
uniform. Think Picasso s nautical tees or Steve McQueen s turtlenecks or Malcom X s s
kinny ties. Leave fashion to women.
STYLE ADVICE | 9 Notes | March 2, 2013
EXPLORING A NEW CITY
One day you ll find yourself exploring a new city. By all means, use a guidebook,
but reserve at least one afternoon for getting lost.
TRAVEL ADVICE | 26 Notes | February 24, 2013

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ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF

Grown-Up Advice From Your Uncle in New York City

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