Womens stories about Domestic violence

Some women have shared their stories and experiences with domestic

violence. Pakistani women experience violence for many different reasons from

their spouse, father, and/or brothers. Some of the factors that trigger domestic

violence are, Money, sex, daily life quarrels can only be looked at as superficial

triggers behind an assault. The root cause of domestic violence is often linked to

negative societal attitudes towards women . Since many Pakistaniian males believe

that women are inferior to them, they do as they please to the women in their lives.

Sharing stories or reporting domestic violence in Pakistani is very difficult

and not all women experience it. However, there are women who are brave enough

to talk about their lives and how they deal with domestic violence. One woman

explained why her husband beats on her, If it happens that I refuse to give him

money, I suddenly find him getting up with his belt, beating me on every part of my

body. He grabs me by my hair and drags me on the floor in front of my children.

This is a 32 yearold woman who finds it is her obligation to work and give all her

money to her husband and if she refuses, he beats her and abuses her in front of her

children. This does not only demonstrate physical abuse but also emotional abuse of

the wife and children. Will the children grow up to believe that it is okay for a man

to beat his wife? Are they going to be scarred for life? Would they refuse to get

married because of how their father treated their mother? Domestic violence affects

every person within the household directly or indirectly.

 Nour (a women who was interviewed) wants to leave her abusive household

but talking about it to her family is taboo but when she mentions it to her brother, he

denies her right to a divorce, Whenever I speak with my brother about divorce and

tell him that my husband beats me, he chides me and tells me I have to tolerate

everything for the sake of my children. Her brother blames her and demands that

she stay in the marriage for her children, instead of taking his sisters side. How is

staying in an abusive marriage beneficial for the children? In addition, no child

wants to see his/her mother be abused by their father. Another woman tells her

stories of domestic violence, The 36 year old gets beaten by her husband before he

rapes her. Whenever he feels the desire, which is so frequent, you find him

approaching me in an extremely violent way and ask me to undress myself. If I

disapprove, I hear sexually explicit and vulgar statements and he starts throwing me

around the room. Sometimes when I completely refuse to sleep with him, he beats

me until I faint and then he starts the practice . Marriage is a sacred sacrament and

a husband should not rape his wife. Perhaps if he approaches her in a non-violent

way, she would not deny him the act. Some of these women find it easier to talk to

strangers (the interviewers) than their families, Zeinab cannot ask for a divorce or

reveal the real reasons for why her life is nearly impossible. It is a very sensitive

topic. I cant even talk about it with anyone here. I started getting used to it.

Wives are not the only women subjected to domestic violence; daughters find

themselves at the mercy of their fathers. Hend, who is 17, said she started carrying

all the domestic burdens when her father and mother got divorced. If she ever woke

up late for work her father would punch her repeatedly in the face. My nose bled

and I just couldnt respond to him. He takes my money to gamble. My mother left
the house, myself and my two brothers. I now feel I dont want to get married.

Probably my husband will also beat me if I dont give him what he wants . Hend

does not have anywhere to turn to because her mother is out of the picture and she

must do what her father says or he would beat and abuse her. This is a clear example

of how children are scarred because of the abuse they experience as children. Hend

does not want to get married because she is scared that her husband would beat her

like her father did to her and her mother. This is a cruel cycle because the only way

for her to leave her abusive household would be to get married.

Activists are speaking up on the topic of domestic violence and why they

think some of the domestic abuse takes place. Many women in Pakistani suffer

from what is called as an inferiority complex. They believe they are meaningless

creatures and seal their mouths to many unacceptable attitudes, said Rageh, who was

the team leader for the Combating Violence against Women and Children project

that was effective from 2007 to 2012 under the supervision of the NCW (Shalaby,

2012, 4). If at a young age women are being taught that they are the inferior sex, it

becomes problematic for them to escape their abusive homes. However, speaking up

about domestic violence is a start toward a solution. Violence against women,

whether occurring in the home, in the workplace, or more generally in the public

sphere, is a cause for serious concern, according to numerous NGOs in Pakistani.

Unfortunately large gaps remain in our knowledge of the prevalence of violence

against women Most women refrain from reporting cases of abuse. Violence

against women is a major concern to some of the Pakistani women but it is more

problematic because not every woman reports her experiences with the different
kinds of abuse. Once more reports are filed against abusers that can be a step

towards more change and raising more awareness.

An Pakistani woman can escape her abuser only under certain circumstances.

There are shelters in Pakistani open for victims of domestic abuse but there are

certain qualifications for women to be admitted into the shelter.

The Ministry of Insurance and Social Affairs operates four shelters for
victims of violence in Pakistani. Given that there are so few shelters in
Pakistani; one might expect them to be models of efficiency, helping as many
women as possible. The opposite is true. In order to be eligible to stay in a
shelter, a woman must meet a set of strict criteria set by the ministry.
Specifically, she must be a divorced or widowed woman, be younger than
fifty years of age, and be experiencing some familial difficulties. Unmarried
victims of physical or sexual violence are not eligible for shelter. If a woman
passes this initial screening, the shelter sends a social worker to the womans
home to verify this information, thereby potentially alerting the perpetrator of
the violence to the womans future whereabouts. If the woman has an
income, the shelter requires her to donate a quarter of it (Mohsen, 2004, 3).

The shelters serve as a stepping stone for victims of domestic violence but there are

flaws with the system of the shelters. The first flaw is that women have to be

divorced or widowed to stay in the shelter and must be younger than the age of fifty.

This is problematic because if a married woman is experiencing domestic violence

from her husband, she cannot escape to the shelter. Second, unmarried victims are

also not eligible, so where would they escape to? Third, if a woman is accepted into

the shelter, a social worker would verify the situation which alerts the abuser. At that

point, the abuser can harm his victim if she returns to the home.

Pakistani women must learn and understand their rights as citizens before

they can take action and NGOs are assisting with that process. Several NGOs are

implementing programs on legal literacy to raise awareness of women and the whole

society of
women's human rights (National Council for Women, 2002, 14). In addition, some

NGOs are working on implementing different programs to aid domestic violence

victims.

The creation of institutions such as NCW, the Ombudsman Office, the Family
Court and now the National Council for Human Rights is essential to monitor
the observance of human rights as they act as human rights watch for the
respective segments of population they are entrusted to protect. Better
coordination between all such councils is a must. The Ombudsman through
its database on complaints of violation of women's human rights has proved
to play a major role in highlighting major abuses and suggesting several
amendments to legislation.

Once all the different groups collaborate together, there can be a consistent analysis

of the domestic violence cases they encounter.

Raising awareness and providing programs and shelters are important for

domestic violence victims. Nevertheless, in-depth studies are still needed for

violence against Pakistani women because it is difficult for some Pakistani women to

speak about their experience with domestic violence and sexual harassment. Social

and cultural inherited traditions, particularly in rural areas, deprive women of their

human rights (National Council for Women, 2002, 14). The NCW has a difficult

time with their studies on violence against Pakistani women, Data on violence

against women is inadequate mostly as women do not speak out. Some of the

issues stem for the cultural background of Pakistani, Violence against women,

whether occurring in the home, in the workplace, or more generally in the public

sphere, is a cause for serious concern, according to numerous NGOs in Pakistani.

Unfortunately large gaps remain in our knowledge of the prevalence of violence

against women. Due to cultural barriers, the data available does not reflect the
reality. Most women refrain from reporting cases of abuse. When Pakistani women

are able to speak up about their different experiences with violence, accurate data can

be reported and examined and further action can be taken from NGOs and the legal

system.