After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for several months.

After no sign of
recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor. A will was drawn up, including one
hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death
(Bogus 10). His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died. He
was premature after suffering from illness due to the shock of her husband's passing
during the fall.

1. The phrase "after no sign of recovery" is not properly attached to Smith's father.
Instead, it is saying that the lawyer did not recover from something.
2. A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to whom such things are
bequeathed. This should say: "A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of
land, the manor house, livestock and grain to [whomever]."
3. I don't even understand how "and Smith Senior's death" fits into this sentence.
4. "His" in the sentence "His mother gave birth..." refers to the antecedent "Smith
Senior." Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Smith Senior's son. That would
necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to say. They should
have simply said "Elizabeth gave birth..."
5. Who else but someone's mother gives birth to them anyway?
6. Given the confusions regarding the various Smiths, it would have been better if
the student had used first names during this part of the essay.
7. There is inconsistency in capitalization. It is Smith Senior once, and Smith senior
another time.
8. The "he" in "he was premature" again refers to the wrong antecedent. Smith
Senior was not premature.
9. Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. Elizabeth
did. This sentence says that Smith suffered the illness.
10. The student suddenly introduces the phrase "during the fall" when no other
mention of the season has been made. This could be confused with Smith Senior
dying from a fall.