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Walk
out
on your
past
4 powerful tools for
letting go, moving on,
and releasing regrets p20
Editors insights
A fresh start
hat do we do with medications that are past their expiry date? We
discard them without much thought. We do the same with food
items that begin to rot. Yet, when it comes to our life situations, we
are unable to let go of them even aer they are past their due date.
Theres nothing permanent in our world. Everything comes
with a shelf life. Every day ends paving way for a new one. Every season passes
before a new season begins. People too, leave the world even as new ones Manoj Khatri
arrive. Why, even the mighty sun has an expiry date. Astrophysicists say that manoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com
some day in the distant future, perhaps hundreds of thousands of years from infinitemanoj
now, it will cease to exist.
ManojKhatri
In the known universe, endings are an inevitable fact of life and each of us
knows that. But we still develop aachments and cling to things, people and
situations and, when faced with an ending, we are unable to accept it with
grace. Our whole life is a story of endings and beginnings and yet we nd it
dicult to honour endings and to let go of the past. We are so afraid of losing
what we have that we forget that every ending ushers a fresh new beginning
and in the process, we forego a big share of our peace, joy and fullment.
Why are we unable to let go even when its painful to hold on? The answer
is fear. Fear of uncertainty. Thich Nhat Hanh says, People have a hard time
leing go of their suering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suering
that is familiar.
This issue is our aempt to help you overcome the fear of leing go, of
breaking up with your past. In the cover story, award-winning author Patricia
Spadaro busts four myths that keep us from moving on. She also shares four
tips that will help you to forge a fresh alliance with new possibilities in your
life. Although it might not seem so at rst, every ending has its purpose and its
gi. To help you awaken to this truth, when you experience an ending of any
sort, think of it as a graduation or a promotion. Graduations not only signal the
end of an era in your life but also celebrate the beginning of a new one. Thats
why theyre called commencement exercises, she writes. Whether you feel
stuck due to indecision or are trying to deal with some kind of lossphysical,
Our whole life
emotional or nancialyou will nd Patricias maer-of-factly approach easy to
relate to, and relevant. is a story of
I reckon her advice will come in quite handy in your endeavour to start endings and
afresh. As you let go of whatever is holding you back from your own joy, dont beginnings and
forget to wear your metaphorical graduation capaer all, it is the beginning
yet we nd
of a new phase of your life.
it dicult to
honour endings
and to let go of
the past
/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell
SUMMARY
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PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, TRENDING THIS MONTH >>
Walk out on your past
on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing
Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134,
4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar,
By Patricia Spadaro
Bangalore - 560044, and published from
Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd.,
502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,
Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road,
Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900
Editor: Manoj Khatri
Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd.,
All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in
whole, in print, electronic or any other form,
is strictly prohibited.
DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is
dedicated to providing useful, well-researched
information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its 20
contents are not intended to provide medical
advice/diagnosis for individual problems or
circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for
professional medical advice. Readers are advised
to always consult their physician/healthcare
professional/therapist, prior to starting any new
remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or MANAGE >> RESOLVE >>
with any questions they may have regarding a Marriage and intimacy Parenting
medical/health condition.
36 When your partner is depressed 40 Raising kids in a
The views expressed by writers are their own and By Phoebe Hutchison gender-free world
do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor,
By Ankita Khanna
publisher, or Complete Wellbeing.
Health & vitality
Using masculine pronouns he, him or his for
50 The dark side of menopause 42 Bullies at school
subjects of unknown gender is considered
By Rishma Dhillon Pai By Chetna Mehrotra
prejudicial. We respect both genders and
hence use feminine and masculine pronouns
interchangeably.
Ailments Food and nutrition
Complete Wellbeing is not responsible for
57 Get rid of the syndrome X 69 Yin Yang foods
advertising claims. By Vimal Pahuja By Kavita Mukhi
Self-help
58 Family constellations: an
84 78 introduction
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TRANSFORM >>
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80 Understanding surrender Mind & emotions
By Osho 54 Retirement is a state of mind
By Kathy Merlino
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for him.
Sindhu observed that the driver threw this
something to select people as he drove along
and those who received this parcel were very
happy and thanked the driver for their gi.
Soon Sindhus inquisitiveness got the beer
of him and he was determined to nd out what
it was that the driver was throwing to these
SINDHU RAMKUMAR WAS ON his way to people. He managed to peep into the bag and
Mysore by the state transport bus. Having was surprised to see that days newspapers in it.
just completed his exams, Sindhu was sleep Aer speaking to the driver, Sindhu found out
deprived and therefore started snoring as that his name is Krishnan and he is 60 years old.
soon as the bus took o. Aer covering a lile Krishnan distributes around 10 20 newspapers
distance, he was woken up by the drivers everyday to villagers who cannot aord to buy
yelling as he threw a parcel to an old man one. He feels that by doing this, he can help the
siing in a local tea stall. needy in his own lile way.
Martin Brofmans
Body Mirror System of Healing
Weekend workshop in Mumbai
30th 31st May, 2015
Meet Gabi Mann, the girl who gets gifts from crows
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD GABI MANN from Seale feeds the
local crows that visit her garden. In return, they bring
Pic: Licensed under [CC BY-ND 2.0] from Alice Carrier [flickr]
back shiny lile trinkets and gis for her.
It all started when Gabi was four. She would walk
around, accidentally dropping food. One day, as she got
out of the car, she dropped a chicken nugget. Immediately
a crow rushed to eat it and then called his friends to join,
The most complex thing in life is how to keep What a thought! is a rare opportunity to learn from those we
things simple. In What a Thought Manoj is able admire the most and whose lives are an example for everyone.
to weave simplicity in complexity!
Beautifully designed and illustrated with breathtaking colour
Azim Jamal, #1 Amazon &
Barnes & Noble best-selling author photographs of owers that symbolise each thought featured.
Manoj Khatri is an evolved writer with a keen Take this mind-blowing workshop at your pace from the
understanding of human psychology. What a comfort of your home. Order your copy today.
thought! is a passionate and positive expression
of life that makes you look inward and alter
your life. The book is a modern-day Gita, to be
preserved by your bedside and delved into in
`195/- only
times of turbulence.
Bhawana Somaaya, Author & Critic
WED THU Before your meals, say FRI SAT Go to a quiet place
1 9 a prayer of gratitude 17 25 and spend some time
for all those who have recalling all those who
made it possible to put have hurt you, and
the food on your plate. forgive them.
FRI SAT Pay a compliment to SUN Call you financial MO Add a twist to the
3 11 a colleague who is 19 advisor and plan your 27 way you work in
least expecting it. investments for the order to make
financial year. An early your work a fun
start is the wisest way activitybe it at
to grow your wealth. home or in office.
SAT Write down a long-time SUN Draw your curtains, MO TUE Spend some time
4 worry on a piece of 12 switch-off your cell 20 28 cleaning your workbag
paper and burn it. Your phone and drift to and wallet. Its good
mind will never bring it slumber land nothing feng shui to invite
up again. It works! compares to a weekend prosperity.
mid-day siesta.
Easter Sunday
Prepare a few
Easter eggs for WED THU How about decorating
the kids in your
neighbourhood.
22 30 the entrance of your
home with fresh
You will feel flowers? It will ward off
blessed to see the negativity and attract
joy on their faces. good will.
TUE World health day WED On your way home, THU TIme to change your MY
7 Is there a healthy habit 15 stop by a salon for 23 internet passwords. NOTE
stick to it!
WED THU MY
Be more aware of
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Walk
out
on your
past
4 myths
that can keep you stuck in the past
4 powerful tools
for letting go and moving on
Sometimes walking
away is the right way
to be walking. It creates
an opening for life to
work its magic
seemingly nega-
Practise seeing any ending or
e, even though you
tive situation as full of promis
g you. Perhaps the
dont yet see what it will brin
dua ted from this
ending came because you gra
lear n a new soul les-
circumstance or you need to
s you can only nd
son in another venue. Perhap
by bein g with a new
and hone your unique talents
situ atio n you were
circle of friends. What if the
a hid den danger for
suddenly booted out of held
own gi . Ope ning
you? Every ending holds its
ive it will kee p you
your mind and heart to rece
bac kwa rd.
moving forward, not looking
ut
lly pour your feelings abo
Hold a shell or stone; menta a
then ing that object into
a past incident into it, and
mountain as you see and feel
stream or o the side of the te down
m your life. Or you can wri
the situation disappear fro ent of sur-
ng with a simple statem
your feelings on paper alo you pre fer to
use whatever name
render. You can ask God [or p in le ing go
of the universe] for hel
address the creative Spirit tch ing it and the
ly burn the leer, wa
and nding peace. Then safe you of the phoe-
those ashes remind
issue dissipate in smoke. Let is con sum ed by
, ignites its nest and
nix who, at the end of its life pho eni x em erg es.
its own ending, a new
the re. From the ashes of you .
phoenix inside of
Know that you, too, have the
ve
or dwelling on a negati
rself complaining about
Each time you catch you cen tra te on is wh at you
pas t, sto p. Re me mberwhat you con
experience fro m the positive outcomes do
of loo kin g bac k, ask yourself: What new and
energise. Instea d t loud about your
my life ? Sta rt foc ussing on and talking ou
I want to show up in by doing the same
item ent . As k you r friends to support you
new plans with exc like a victim. You
ual ly dre dg ing up the past or treating you
rather than con tin rite right now. Grab
the nex t cha pte r of your life. Start your rew
are the author of these questions: What
wr ite do wn in detail the answer to
a piece of pap er and at new characters will
t cha pte r of my life to look like and feel like? Wh
do I want the nex I take today to turn my
nex t sce nes of my life story? What one step can
be a part of the
ion?
storyline in this new direct
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Explore
perspective
Look for kindness wanted to give him the benet of the doubt.
Maybe he was in trac, I thought to myself,
even though I knew he lived ve minutes
While nding your signicant other can be extremely
away. I waited 45 minutes, hoping he would
fullling, don't forget that you dont need a beer
walk through those glass doors, apologis-
half to be a beer person ing profusely for his lateness. But he didnt
By Mariko Miyake show up. I was le to sit there alone, cruelly
sandwiched between two couples. I could
HE WAS SUPPOSED to be dierent. I had have called him for sure but I was tired of
paid my dues. Aer all the men I had dated, always calling people. For once, I wanted to
you would think I wouldve goen my be important enough for a man to remember.
act together, that Id nally be an expert at As I drove home that evening, I didnt
choosing the right guy. And I thought he was. cry. I wasnt even angry. It was more like
Here was a man who seemed to understand my heart was sighing, like it had already
my heart, who taught me how to speak up, accepted the fact that I would never nd a
who cheered me up on those not so good man, at least not one who cared about me
days when it felt like the whole world was and my feelings. If I had been preier, would
against me. It was easy to believe that he that have made a dierence? I thought to my-
was the good catch I had been waiting for. A self. Maybe nicer eyes or clearer skin or big-
few weeks before my 40th birthday, he le a ger bust would have made him remember.
large gi bag outside my oce door. When But before I could descend into that well of
I looked inside, there was a card, a box of self-doubt again, I heard his voice loud and
ginger lemon cookies and his favourite child- cleara seven-year-old saying to me, Look
hood book. To say that I was touched was an for kindness.
understatement. Never before had any man
done something so unexpectedly kind for me. The rise and fall of my optimism
When I turned 33, I had felt like I had
I was stood up yet again reached this pivotal age. I mean, Jesus died
But, as I was siing in Starbucks, watching at that age. That was momentous. And here I
the minute hand move farther and farther was, still bitching and moaning that I didnt
away from six o clock, I realised that I was have a man. Well, that year I was determined
How can you help your How medicine and therapy can help
depressed spouse? Science suggests that depression is related to an imbalance
Some partners tell their spouse to in the levels of the following neurotransmiers in the brain:
harden up or get over it, which only serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine, and that depression
exasperates the situation. Ideally, if can be hereditary. So, does depression cause the reduction
your partner has depression, you can in these neurotransmiers or does the reduction in the
assist them by encouraging them to neurotransmiers cause depression? It is much like the chicken
see a psychologist or counsellor for and the eggwhich came rst? Regardless, it is crucial that a
therapy or a doctor for medication. person with depression has improved power over thoughts,
Keep talking to your spouse and keep emotions, and relationships, and to do this, therapy and
listening: avoid nasty put down strategies are required. When a person is coping well in most
comments. Depression is not just in areas in their life, depression symptoms usually subside. Your
the mind, but is physical as well, be doctor can assist with antidepressant medication, which oen
gentle and assist where you can in works well in improving the balance of neurotransmiers.
practical ways around the household. Overall, you need to work on two levels:
Being empathetic is important, but A. Keep these brain chemistry levels correct and
knowing strategies is essential. I have B. Equip the depressed spouse with strategies for coping
a tool that I encourage you to use. Its with their relationship and life.
called The Crisis Wheel. Many of my hundreds of counselling sessions have involved
Ask your spouse how they are a client with depression. When you know what to look for, what
doing in the following areas: you can do to help, what to avoid doing and the psychologi-
>> Thought Paerns: Are they predomi- cal strategies for improvement, you can make a huge change in
nantly positive or negative? your partners life, the relationship and your life. Keep talking,
>> Self Esteem: Do they have strong self- keep listening and keep connected to each other. Now that you
esteem? know more about what your partner is going through, and that
>> Past Grief and loss: Are they fre- depression is an illness, not a choice, this should help you stay
quently emotional over a past loss? empathetic. Use therapeutic strategies, have hope, and support
>> Emotions: Are they mostly experienc- each other, through sickness and in health.
ing positive emotions?
BOOKS
Today I am a woman torn between the terror
that everything might change and the equal
terror that everything might carry on exactly
the same for the rest of my days.
Paulo Coelho, Adultery
Adultery [Fiction]
By Paulo Coelho
Linda, a beautiful woman in her 30s is blessed with the
ideal lifea loving and wealthy husband, well-behaved
children and a career as a highly regarded journalist.
However, deep inside she is empty and bored. All this
The Professor
changes when she meets her ex-boyfriend Jacob, who is now a successful
[Fiction]
politician, for an interview. Her need to feel something leads her to have an affair
By Charlotte Bront with Jacob. She continues her secret liaison despite the consequences of her
William Crimsworth, an educated promiscuous actions gnawing at the back of her mind. She realises that if she
and intelligent young man, is offered needs to live the perfect life, she needs to come clean to her husband; but will he
a job in the girls school run by Mlle. take her back?
Reuter. Just as he starts to feel
attracted towards Mlle. Reuter, his
heart is broken when he overhears
her speaking to another man about
their upcoming marriage. Mlle.
Reuter later offers William the
opportunity to tutor one of her young
teachers, Frances. However, when My loneliness was so
William and Frances fall in love, Mlle. acute I was willing to try
Reuter is jealous. She dismisses anything. I went to therapy,
Frances and hides her address from where I learnt that I oen
William. Desolate, William leaves
used control as a defence.
the school with the hope of finding
Frances. What happens next? Well,
suffice to say that this is a love story The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide
with a very happy ending. To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
[Non-fiction]
By Laura Doyle
Laura Doyle wants to better her marriage and so she tries
That to begin with; let respect be the everything to make her husband more romantic, helpful
foundation, aection the rst oor, and ambitious. But her efforts go in vain, leaving her exhausted and lonely. In her
love the superstructure. desperation to fall in love with her man again, she decides to surrender her control
over him. Surprisingly, her tactic of letting go works. Laura finds the man who
Charloe Bront, The Professor had once ardently wooed her is back! This book is a step-by-step guide to finding
peace, intimacy and building your dream marriage.
without prejudice with both boys and girls, and enjoys running
around and rough and tumble play in the
park. He doesnt volunteer to braid our hair
Raising your kids in an atmosphere as oen, but still makes the most astute
observations about our change of hairstyle or
free of any gender-bias will help them
dressing.
grow to their best potential He is also the most sensitive and emotion-
By Ankita Khanna ally perceptive lile boy I know. Being raised
by parents who have never felt the need to
raise their boys as feminists or footballers,
but simply le them free to explore the possi-
bilities between those or any other categories,
he is nding his own place in the world.
Just as news of gender-based violence
and discrimination bombards us in the most
disturbing ways, so does a combative wave
of protest against it, ensuring that a narrative
of antidote also exists in parallel. For every
objectifying statement made about women,
one also hears its liberating polar opposite.
For each time a man commits violence against
a woman, there is an exhortation to men
everywhere to man up to being respectful
and sensitive.
But how do young minds make sense of
these two extreme positions and arrive at the
one they wish to live by? And how do parents
nd their own sense of balance between
politically correct and comfortable parenting
I STILL REMEMBER A time around these sensitive issues?
not so long ago when my ve- Here are some things you can do to sensitise
year-old nephew had developed your children to gender equality in your
a fascination for all things day-to-day routine:
supposedly girly. He loved the >> Watch out for stereotypes. Have you ever
told your son that he needs to protect
colour pink, and everything that his sister because she is a girl or told
sparkled. When the other kids your daughter that she needs to help lay
the table or serve the guests because she
played ball around us, he would
is a girl? Buying dolls for the girls and
want to practise braiding the hair cars for the boys, or doing up their rooms
of all the ladies in the house in the in girly or boyish ways are stereotypic
overloads children could do well without.
most creative ways. He went to a
Right from infancy, raise your children in
ballet class where he was the only an atmosphere of curiosity and freedom.
boy and there he shone like a star. Allow them to explore possibilities,
the bullies
Children who are repeatedly bullied may experience
on the phone. Their 15-year-old son shot
himself in the chest. His suicide note stated
bullying at school as the reason he took his
life. The same year, a 12-year-old girl jumped
from an abandoned factory roof due to being
severe emotional trauma that can erode their self- constantly hammered by a bunch of girls,
esteem and impair mental health. Chetna Mehrotra reports The Los Angeles Times.
tells you how to know if your child is geing bullied Thousands of kids skip school everyday
due to the fear of bullying. Recent trends sug-
and what to do about it
gest that bullying has become more frequent
and aggressive than before and is aecting
younger children too. In addition, the vicious-
ness of deeds increases with age.
to stop it right thereor report it to the school that I have visited reveals 4 5 cases of
concerned authority. Once enough awareness bullying on an average. A touching exam-
is created at home and school, and children ple came my way during one of the drama
are encouraged to speak up, bullying can end. classes aended by children of standard ve.
On the other side of the equation, counselling In one of our drama-for-learning session, the
the bullies about the consequences of their students spoke about their experiences based
behaviour will go a long way in checking on the emotions the activity triggered. While
the problem. few of them shared their experiences, I saw
Bullied children As a drama-based therapist, I run anti-bul- a hand half up in the air. This was a boy who
suffer silenty, so the
onus on finding out lying programmes in various schools. Every never spoke; he would just enjoy the drama
whats happening is activity.
on their parents Sharad [name changed], came up and
started speaking. It was then that I realised
that he stammered. He spoke about the
excruciating pain he feels when his classmates
and students of other classes tease him for his
stammering trait. He cried. When he spoke,
another boy raised his hand and came up to
speak. Anuj [name changed] said how he was
teased by his classmates for a skin condition
called eczema. The bullies teased Sharad and
Anuj because they were dierent in some
way from others and therefore were not
considered normal.
Listening to their painful story brought
tears to everyone else in the classtears of
realisation, of empathy, of love. This was a
moment of catharsis.
In the next class, we spoke about feelings
associated with being bullied and bully-
ing someone. We exchanged views on how
the victim can handle his emotions and not
take the incident personally, so that it does
not hamper his self-esteem. Surprisingly,
the bullies of the class confessed to having
bullied Anuj and Sharad. We then counselled
them on the repercussions of bullying and
the dierence between occasional teasing vs.
bullying.
Kids, at times do not realise that what they
are doing could harm someones life. The
child who is bullying is also having some un-
met needs being fullled in an unnatural way.
He too needs guidance and hand-holding.
Yoga for
the busy
Try these ve simple yoga asanas
that you can do during a busy
workday to relieve stress
By Esther Ekhart
HERE ARE A FEW quick and easy yoga- aware of where you feel any tightness and be
inspired exercises for your eyes, neck and mindful not to overstretch. Its normal to have
shoulders. They are perfect if you spend long more stiness on one side of the body than
hours in front of the computer, or carry out the other. This can be especially noticeable if
any concentrated activity like reading or sew- you do a lot of work using the mouse.
ing. These exercises take less than 10 minutes,
and you can even split them up over the day. Gomukhasana [Cow face arms,
You can do these exercises at your desk. clock watching]
Before you begin, mentally take a break from Bring your arms out to the side, parallel with
work, spin your chair around and turn your the oor and then rotate your right armso
computer screen o. If you can, get the whole that your palm faces behind you and your
oce involvedits the best way to stop your thumb is pointing to the oor. Bring that
colleagues from distracting you and you will arm around your back and place the back
not feel self-conscious! of the palm onto your spine as high-up as
is comfortable. It might not be very high
Warm up updont worry!
Before you start [and you can do this regularly Then, bring your le arm up pointing to
during the day] simply roll your shoulders the sky and bend it at the elbow so that your
forwards a few times and then back in the oth- le hand comes to meet your right hand. If
er direction. Then sit up straight so that your your hands reach, clasp your hands. If not,
spine is nice and longwithout losing the you can hold on to your clothes or make use
natural arches in your back [you dont need to of a yoga strap or a scarf. This can really help
look like an army ocer]. Turn your head to to release tension in the shoulders and the
face slowly to one side and then the other. Be front of the chest.
Then repeat the eye exercise, this time look will help your eyes to get rid of the tiredness!
up and right to two oclock on your imagi- This exercise is simple! Hold your index
nary clock and then down and le to eight nger up in front of you and focus on it for
oclock. Do this 10 times [if you get confused, a few seconds. Then look away and focus
you can perform the movement by imagining on a point further away from you for a few
that you are looking at the diagonally oppo- seconds. Repeat this a few times. Follow this
site corners of a square]. movement by holding your warm palms over
Aer you nish the 10 repetitions, rub the your eyes.
palms of your hands together and hold them
over your eyes again. Now change the posi- Neck stretcher
tion by having your le arm come over your This is a really nice way for you to stretch
right and move your eyes from 10 oclock to your neck and upper shoulders. Sit up tall
four oclock [le upper corner to right boom and clasp your hands behind your back,
corner]. palms together and your ngers interlaced.
Bend your elbows and bring your hands to-
Change your focus wards the le side of your waist. Then gently
When you are working at a computer or tab- tilt your head to the le. There should be no
let or doing any concentrated work like read- strain while you are doing this, just a gentle
ing, drawing and sewing, you have your focus release. Hold this for a few seconds and now
xed in one position for a long time. Perhaps do this on the right side. Repeat this 10 times,
you might even squint or frown as you try to alternating between each side.
read the text or work on the ne details. So there you gove easy and quick ex-
This exercise can help moisten the eyes ercises to combat computer tension and keep
and relax the muscles in the eyes and face. your eyes, neck and shoulders healthy. And
This is especially good for those who tend to these can all be performed from the comfort
spend a lile too much time on their phones! of your work desk!
Remember to blink a lot too. Some say that
doing this regularly can improve your eye- To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
sight, but even if it doesnt, at the very least it digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
back on track
enough. We think rest is not as important as
other things like waking early, geing stu
done, aending a thousand meetings, being
sucked into the world of online connections,
reading and of course watching our all-im-
portant TV programmes.
So we cut down on our sleep in favour of
Falling asleep SLEEP PROBLEMS CAN be a major drag on these other things that are much more essen-
happinessif you cant sleep well, you cant tial, and then wonder why our energy levels
can be quite a are low.
function as well during the day.
task for many. Its tough being tired all day. Ive had days
Leo Babauta where I struggled to make it through the day
Sleep problems
Lets take a quick look at some of the prob-
shares some and didnt have the energy to tackle anything
lems that keep people tossing in bed:
of the most that maers.
common reasons Hell, Ive had years like that. Not tired yet: If your sleeping paern is set
When youre tired, not much seems ap- so that you usually sleep later, when you do
for insomnia pealing. Life is dulled, and you dont get aempt to go to bed earlier, youre not tired
and ways to much accomplished. Worse still, you dont enough to fall asleep.
overcome them have the energy to change the situation.
Too tired: Its possible to be so exhausted
These days I dont have many days like
that falling asleep is dicult. This tends to
this, but when I do, I rest. We have goen
be a problem less oen than not tired
good at ignoring our bodys signalsmuch
enough though.
of our lives are spent training our minds to
pretend as if our bodies arent tired, so we can Worries: Youve got something spinning
be more productive. around in your head, so the sleep doesnt
This is wrong. It ends up in burnout and come. Sometimes its replaying something
reduced productivity, because we inevitably thats happened, or things that someone said,
run out of energy. Listen to your bodyyour and at other times its worrying about some-
long-term health and sanity depend on it. thing coming up or planning an event.
WOMEN
@
40
enopause is a time o great
change in a womans life and
its important that she and her
loved ones be prepared for it
By Rishma Dhillon Pai
Why retirement requires source of stress for many people, it 2. Then, theres the spectre of health
mental planning too should come as no surprise when issues. We all know we will even-
Recently I spoke to Natasha, a friend once we retire we miss the engage- tually have health issues, body
of mine, who retired with her hus- ment with others at the oce. In parts will wear out and we wont
band. They le their jobs, sold their fact, the stress of our job is oen be able to do as much as we once
home and moved 2,500 miles to a re- replaced by other forms of stress, did. Retirement age is oen the
tirement community, which boasted and sometimes even depression. time when health issues begin to
of restaurants, stores, theatres, golf surface. Even people who retire
One change at a time in excellent health nd them-
courses, swimming pools, along
Like Natasha who moved 2,500 selves worrying about potential
with club houses for card games
miles thinking she was going to health issues and, yes, the result-
and art classes. There, the couple
retirement utopia, some people nd ing strain on their nances.
purchased a new home and relaxed
themselves stressed over the choices
and partied with new friends while 3. Then, there is this seldom-
they made. In her case, she le
they enjoyed the amenities. Then, thought-of stressor. Retirees who
the retirement community, moved
Natasha confessed, they got bored. are married oen look forward
back to her old home town, bought
As she related how they got tired to nally spending more time
another house in her old neighbour-
of doing the same things every day together, only to realise that aer
hood and took a part-time job as
with the same people, it reminded having spent decades apart all
she realised how much she missed
me of Robert Atchleys study on day in the workplace, co-habiting
her work life, old friends and the
the stages of retirement. Atchley, a 24x7 is entirely too much time
community shed been part of for
professor of gerontology, identied together.
30 years. Moving is stressful at any
six stages of retirementdisillusion-
time in life, whether its for a job Steps to make the
ment is one of them. To sum up his
transfer or for your retirement. And, transition smooth
research, retirement is a major life
as with Natashas example, when As you enter this potentially exciting
transition where no maer how
the initial euphoria of retiring is time of life, minimising the stress,
much we plan nancially, we need
replaced by boredom, there is anxi- nding new purpose and meaning
to do a beer job of planning for the
ety over deciding what to do next. and making a successful transition
emotional and psychological chang-
Finding new meaning and purpose requires advanced planning. Here
es brought about by leaving our
in life aer retirement takes not only are four steps to ensure that you
work lives behind. Mental health in
thought and introspection, but also are mentally prepared to make a
retirement is just as important, if not
a leap of faith. smooth transition to retirement.
more, than nancial health.
With advances in nutrition and Things that you need to 1. The rst step is recognising there
medical care, it is possible for many keep in mind before you will be an adjustment period, the
people to live another 20 to 30 years retire same way you have adjusted in
in retirement. The idea of 20 years of 1. For retirees, the number one the past to other major life events
doing nothing but having fun may stressor is money. Even if you like geing married, having chil-
sound like, well, fun, but realisti- form a solid nancial plan with dren, changing jobs, moving to a
cally its a formula for a boring life. professional advice, once the pay new locale or losing a loved one.
Work provides many things that cheque stops coming in, retirees Retirement is also a major life
enhance our lives, such as challenge, oen feel a tremendous amount event; once you acknowledge this
structure to our days and, for most of stress. No maer how many fact, you will have an easier time
people, a social forum as co-work- nancial planners you talk to, adjusting than those who think
ers and customers become friends. there is no guarantee that your there will be no ups and downs.
While the workplace may be a top money will last your lifetime. 2. Talk to a counsellor, preferably
to your issue to be present during the session. as a private session. In a group workshop, the
Most people resolve their issue in just a few client chooses other participants to represent the
sessions. Sometimes, even one session is enough people involved in his issue. Participants take
and hence its quick and very cost-eective. The turns to represent people involved in each others
resolution creates a ripple eect and thus brings issues. The group is contracted to condentiality
about considerable shis even in the other people and respect for all members. Deeper issues
related to ones issue, given the fact that they do may require more constellation, be it in group
not actively participate in the process. workshops or private sessions. Though a
This therapy can be used in combination with family constellation seems to be similar to a
counselling, though it is also extremely eective Psychodrama, it is completely dierent as it does
even if used as the only method. Family Constel- not look at particular events in the clients life
lation can help nd solutions in conicts or fate- to replay them; it simply looks at the energy in
ful events in relationships and a family, in cases each of all the participating representatives with
where parents who separate want to make the no sense of drama and very lile information of
right decisions for their children, when historical the issue or the lives of the people concerned.
events and calamities have had an impact on a In a session, the person with the issue seldom
family, when someone is in a dicult relation- participates, so that he can observe the process,
ship and wants to work at it or end it, and when but more so because his involvement could
someone is faced with diculties in their work inuence the true ow of the Constellation.
environment. In short, anyone who wishes to re- So if there is a family constellation session
solve his internal or external conicts can greatly happening in your city, try it as a participating
benet from this therapeutic modality. representative and experience its eect on your
life. I assure you that you will look forward to
How and where does one aend a bringing up your own issues when aending
session? the next one.
A family constellation usually takes place in
Anupama Joshi is a freelance writer based in Mumbai.
a one- or two-day workshop, with a group of
people all undergoing the same process, or also
Communication without
Divisive devices expression
Scientists argue that excessive use of commu-
Confessions of a cell phone addict nications technology among the teens is lead-
ing to a lack of personal expression, which
in turn will lead these digital nativesa
generation raised around computersto
struggle with reading body language and
facial expressions as adults.
Whos to say the grown-ups arent as
much the culprit as the youngsters in this
If asked to HAD YOU ASKED ME three years ago, what case? Most adults not only rely on tablets and
my biggest fear was, I would have said it mobile devices to occupy their children, they
give up your
was ying. No, it wasnt the thought of being also set negative examples when it comes to
smartphone more 30,000 feet above sea level, it was some- inappropriate cell phone usage.
for one thing else. It was the moment aer the plane Texting while driving and while crossing
day, could had been boarded, the cabin door bolted shut, the street is a growing trend that is quickly
you do it, and the pilot would say, Aention all passen- becoming one of the leading causes of death.
gers. For your safety and the safety of those And the National Highway Transportation
asks Megan
around you, we request you to power down Safety Administration has reported that tex-
Zakrzewski all cell phones and electronic devices for the ting can increase the likelihood of a crash by
duration of this ight. up to 23 times.
Ive had my fair share of scares, and
Cant live without my phone though I know the danger it presents, I still
During the time my phone was o, I would feel the urge to text my friends and even surf
feel what is sometimes referred to as the the Web while in motion. Over time, Ive
phantom vibrate, a false sensation that my learned to keep my cell phone in the back
cell phone had vibrated when it had obvious- seat and out of reach while in the car, as a
ly not. I longed desperately to communicate means of stopping all impulses to check a text
with the outside world, and aer receiving message, make a phone call or take a picture
the go-ahead from the pilot, I would desper- of something worth sharing. The truth is, cell
ately power up my phone. It felt like ages, as phone use is a bad habit that is not only tak-
I would anxiously wait to receive all impend- ing lives. Its taking away from our lives.
ing text messages, emails and notications.
My pupils would dilate from excitement as No more Candy Crush Saga
the device came to life. I would immediately One of the greatest New Years resolutions I
FaceTime with friends and family, inform- ever made was in 2014. It involved deleting
ing them of my safe arrival in Los Angeles, the Candy Crush Saga app from my phone.
update my Facebook status with a check-in Addicted to playing the game, I would sepa-
at LAX and answer any work emails with the rate myself from social situations by refusing
same urgency. to participate in the conversations going on
Its a hopeful scenario I oen imagine, es- around me. I was unaware of how socially
pecially now, when I am looking to break free awkward I had become until one aernoon
from our technology-driven society. Walking while visiting family. Aer being asked
down a crowded city street, my eardrums are several times to put my cell phone down
lled with the incessant sound of cell phones and mingle, I knew I had a problem. That
ringing, buzzing, chiming, whistling and evening, I uninstalled the app and have yet to
Megan Zakrzewski whatever else we programme them to do. reactivate it.
is a communications
specialist in education. As mobile devices continue to evolve, so By the end of the following week, I began
She writes for publications does the need to elicit constant communi- to see just how much beer life without Can-
that focus on alumni cation. But is the ability to eortlessly and dy Crush could be, and before long, I didnt
connections, athletic
communications, parent instantly communicate with others causing even miss it. With this in mind, I refrain from
relations and more. more harm than good? downloading similar applications to my
device today and follow several easy steps spend the majority of each performance
to overcoming addiction; the obvious being: capturing footage on my cell phone. Later on,
leaving the phone at home. Id waste hours adding the blurry photos and
I know youre probably thinking, What incoherent videos to my Facebook wall. As
happens if theres an emergency? A great if anyone really cared. Now that I am older, I
question and a problem I actually encoun- leave the phone at home, live for the moment
tered once when I was at dinner on vacation and enjoy the show. Whatever it takes to be-
in Washington, D.C. Not knowing that I had come less socially awkward. I consider myself
purposely le my phone charging in the hotel, lucky because most people deny or fail to
my mother tried calling several times to tell realise theyve fallen victim to this addiction.
me that my grandfather had passed. Though Although work can sometimes make it
unfortunate to hear such news, I was lucky impossible not to answer text messages or
enough to be out with someone who had his emails while dining out, Ive witnessed entire
phone on him. From then on out, I vowed to tables of friends and families playing quietly
always make sure that at least one member of on their phones instead of engaging in real-
my party would have a phone on him or her life conversations. We dont even think how
at all times in case of an emergency. this anti-social behaviour aects the lives of
people around us.
Break o the habit Cell phone addiction and the destruction
If alone and still trying to ditch the distrac-
it can cause plague many lives today. It is our
tions, I suggest puing your phone on silent,
duty, both as friends and as citizens, to put
turning o your data, or keeping it out of
a stop to it. If asked to abandon your smart-
sight and away from your side such as in a
phone entirely, even for a day, could you? If
desk drawer while at work or on the charger
the answer is still a no, hopefully youll
once home. All of these alternatives get the
one day come to your senses and reconsider.
job done just ne when Im looking to rid my-
Perhaps, like me, youll nd it to be one of the
self of senseless technology for a few minutes,
best decisions youve ever made.
a few hours or even for the entire day.
An avid concert-goer in my youth, I would
Anjali Pathak
is a chef and food
writer. She has
been nominated for
various awards for
her work with Indian
food. She is co-
author of an award-
winning cookbook
and blogs at http://
anjalipathak.com
Created by Dr Martin Brofman 35 years ago, The Vision Workshop has helped thousands of
participants across the world to heal their vision naturally. Most people leave the weekend seeing more
clearly than before. Many are able to lose their dependence on eyesglasses and contact lenses.
THE TERMS YIN AND YANG refer to the oriental philosophical system
in which everything in the Universe is considered to be a dynamic
relationship between yin and yang aributes, which complement each
other as part of the whole. George Ohsawa, the father of Macrobiotics
[an age-old Japanese form of healing] called it the unifying principle
because it explains the unity and diversity of all things. All of life has
this dual nature, a principle of balance, harmony and change.
YIN YANG
Potassium Sodium
Chemical farming
Microwave
Oil
Colas Pickle
Alcohol Salt & Soy
Dairy Eggs
Fruits Animal Food
Tomatoes Pressure cooker
Brinjal Natural teas
Potatoes Fish
Nuts & Seeds Buckwheat
Beans Carrot
Quick steam Slow simmer
Seaweed Saut
Do you dream of choking that colleague who gets on your nerves? Margaret Andrews oers
you some unusual advice on dealing with the annoying habits of your coworkers
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Homemade work
Chandana Banerjee reveals the dynamics of working
Every time you try to get a chunk of work
done, there are a dozen things vying for your
aention.
from home so that you are aware of what youre You may go hoarse telling the world that
you work from home and requesting them to
geing into before you take the plunge kindly leave you alone for a while, but to eve-
ryone, even your most well-meaning friends,
IVE BEEN WORKING AS A WRITER and a youre just at home And work? It can be
health coach for nine years now, seing up done anytime.
my oce wherever I nd a spot in my abode.
The experience of working from home has Temptations
been dynamic and varied, to say the least. When your home is also your workplace,
While theres plenty to like about this there are many temptations that can, and do,
lifestyle, there are some bits that can be chal- nibble into your work time. Without a rewall
lenging. Lets look at the good and the bad of to block your online cruising, theres no limit
working from home. to the time you can frier away checking
your social media updates. Plus, you dont
THE HASSLES have a boss hovering around to check how
Interferences you spend your work dayso its easy to fall
Just as you re up the laptop and jot down for the temptation to chat with your friend
your to-dos, theres someone at the door for on Facebook, shop at the nearest mall, get a
the nth time, the domestic help has yet an- manicure at the salon, sort out the laundry,
other question for you, your neighbour drops clean the kitchen, read a book anything that
in for some tea and chitchat, the dog needs to seems more appealing than work.
Stop ghting, start oating Life is a river. Either you can ght or you
You swim in wateryou go to the river and can oat; either you can push the river and
swim. What do you do? You trust the water. try to go against the current or you can oat
A good swimmer trusts so much that he with the river and go wherever the river
almost becomes one with the river. He is not leads you.
ghting, he does not grab the water, he is
not sti and tense. If you are sti and tense Even God is not needed
you will drown; if you are relaxed the river Surrender is not towards somebody; it is
takes care. Thats why whenever somebody simply a way of life. A God is not needed
dies, the dead body oats on the water. This to surrender to. There are religions which
is a miracle. Amazing! The alive person died believe in God and there are religions which
and was drowned by the river, and the dead dont, but all religions believe in surren-
person simply oats on the surface. What der. So surrender is the real God. Even the
has happened? The dead person knows some concept of God can be discarded. Bud-
secret about the river which the alive person dhism does not believe in any God, Jainism
did not know. The alive person was ght- does not believe in any Godbut they are
ing. The river was the enemy. He was afraid, religions. Christianity believes in God, Islam
he could not trust. But the dead person, not believes in God, Sikhism believes in God
being there, how could he ght? The dead they are also religions. The Christian teaches
person is totally relaxed with no tensionso surrender to God; God is just an excuse to
the body oats. The river takes care. No river surrender. It helps, because it will be dicult
can drown a dead person. for you to surrender without any object. The
Trust means you are not ghting; sur- object is just an excuse so that in the name
render means you dont think of life as the of God you can surrender. Buddhism says
enemy but as the friend. Once you trust the simply surrenderthere is no God. You
river, suddenly you start enjoying. Tremen- relax. It is not a question of some object, it is
dous delight arises: splashing, swimming, a question of your own subjectivity. Relax,
or just oating, or diving deep. But you are dont ght. Accept.
not separate from the river, you merge, you The belief in God is not needed. In fact, the
become one. word belief is ugly. It does not show trust, it
Surrender means to live the same way in does not show faithbelief is almost the very
life as a good swimmer swims in the river. opposite of faith. The word belief comes
from a root lief, which means to desire, to
wish. Now let me explain it to you. You say,
I believe that God is compassionate. What
exactly are you saying? You are saying, I
wish there was a God who is compassionate.
Whenever you say, I believe, you say, I
intensely desire. But you dont know.
SURRENDER MEANS TO LIVE
THE SAME WAY IN LIFE AS A Know, dont believe
GOOD SWIMMER SWIMS IN If you know, there is no question of belief. Do
you believe in the trees here? Do you believe
THE RIVER. EITHER YOU CAN in the sun which arises every morning? Do
FIGHT OR YOU CAN FLOAT you believe in the stars? There is no question
Have always dreamed of having a kitchen garden but didnt know how to
create one? Nitya Anand Nadar tells you all you need to know to get started
Be an urban farmer
AS A CHILD GROWING UP in Mumbai, I Micro-greens: These are a balcony gardeners
believe I was fortunate to have the privilege delight. You can try mustard, saunf, radish or
of a big garden in our home. Both my parents methi.
took great interest to care for our plants and Spices: You can grow allspice [an aromatic
I could recognise most trees by looking at plant which smells like a combination of
their leaves. My mum even had a bringal spicesand use the leaves for an aromatic
corner with every possible colour and shape blend in stews], tej paa, peppercorns, turmer-
of brinjal. It was wonderful to have such an ic, ginger.
earthy life in my growing years. Post mar-
Herbs: Mint, thyme, parsley, celery, garlic
riage I ventured into kitchen gardening in our
chives, cuban borage [commonly known as
apartment window.
Ajwain paa] green chillies, basil.
I started with growing simple herbs and
slowly moved towards growing fruits and Vegetables: Try growing the bush/dwarf vari-
vegetables. I have learned to use whatever eties in small spaces. Tomatoes, broad beans,
lile harvest I get from my garden to make double beans, french beans, cluster beans,
food. The owers, fruits, vegetables and herbs brinjals, capsicums and all gourds grow well.
from our window garden have cheered and Root Vegetables: Potatoes, sweet potatoes,
comforted us. Kitchen gardening in small radishes, turnips, carrots and taro roots [arbi]
spaces may have its own challenges but the can be grown at home.
joy and thrill of plucking a part of your meal
Fruits: Strawberries, mandarins, kumquats,
from your own garden and knowing that it
star fruits, passion fruits and musk melons.
has zero chemicals makes it worthwhile. If I
The yield may not be large but again even
can do it successfully from my apartment in
a few home-grown fruits have a pleasure of
Mumbai, I think anyone can.
their own. If you own a large terrace, you
Once the gardening bug catches you, there
could even grow mangoes, bananas, papayas
is no turning back. Suddenly, your weekend
in drums!
outings may revolve around trips to the local
plant nursery to buy seeds for your kitchen Edible Flowers: Red gongura owers, pansy,
garden and your vacations will involve ask- buery pea ower [shankapushpa], rose, na-
ing the customs ocers to allow you to carry sturtiums and hibiscus [petal colours are water
a Meyer lemon tree back home. solubledo use the ve petal varieties only].
The yield of each plant varies, for example
What can you grow in a balcony a chilly plant will grow for 2 4 years and
garden? yield plenty of chillies. You could let them
Consider growing only those plants that you
Nitya Anand ripen on the plant and dry the red chillies.
will use, take into account the space that you
Nadar is a practising These can be ground to give you home-made
homoeopathic doctor have, while making sure it adds aesthetic
red chilli powder from your kitchen garden.
in Mumbai. She appeal to the place. Here are some examples.
loves organic kitchen
gardening and enjoys Leafy vegetables: Palak, methi, amaranthus What you will need
encouraging fellow [green and red], Ceylon spinach, Malabar Balcony or kitchen gardening is about
home gardeners in spinach, purslane, gongura, leuce, kale, growing plants without the use of any
growing plants in
balconies, terraces drumstick leaves, onion greens [excellent for chemicals either as pesticides or fertilisers.
and window sills. omelees], Colacassia [Patra]. For achieving the above we must focus on
3 6
Doing nothing in
Bhimtal
Sometimes all it takes to get away and
experience true relaxation is to delve right
into nature, away from edices of the
noisy, pulluted and materialistic cities
By Sakshi Nanda
Xbox 360
500GB
console with
2 free games
T his console features a 500GB hard
drive so you can store all your
Beauty range
from Vagheggi
I talian brand Vagheggi has launched its
plant-based skincare range in India. These
beauty products are made from over 300 raw
material extracts, essential oils and ower
molecules. All these ingredients are carefully
picked, safe to use and environment friendly.
Price: On request
Cumin, Coriander
Attitude: Be Bright facewash and chilli gourmet
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butter from Murginns
T his is a water based gel face
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avour to your vegetables, parathas
brightening agents. It gently and or chicken recipes with the sizzling new
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Formulated with lotus root extracts used ingredients in Indian households:
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gives you bright, even toned, radiant is sure to please the Indian taste buds.
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Price: ` 315 for 100ml
The information provided in this section is only on an as-is basis; Complete Wellbeing is not associated with the products listed here and does
not endorse them. To have your product listed, email us on editorial@completewellbeing.com. Complete Wellbeing reserves the right to refuse
publishing information about a product without providing any reason whatsoever.
Printed by Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town,
Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published by him from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,
Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Editor: Manoj Khatri