You Enjoy What???

Facts on Adult, Consensual Spanking

by Jack

copyright 1996 by Jack and ABCD Webmasters

(Posted with the author's permission)

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The purpose of this essay is to help make people who desire

adult consensual spankings to feel more comfortable with their
interest. Any reference to discipline, corporal punishment,
correction, chastisement or other mentions of spanking activities
is only within the bounds of consensual activity between adults.
This writer abhors any use of physical activities that are not
consensual and believe that spankings should only be between
adults who seek such attention. Do you have memories of seeing
spanking on television programs like I Love Lucy, Gunsmoke,
even The Flinstones? Did you look up the "s" word in the
dictionary? Did you have enormous interest when your friends
would talk about their spankings, replaying the scene repeatedly
in your mind? Has this interest stayed with you even in
adulthood? Do you now read romance novels hoping for a
'disciplinary' scene? Do you look at others of the opposite sex
and fantasize about spanking them - or you being spanked by
them?

If after answer those questions you look like one of those dogs in
the back of a car, shaking your head repeatedly up and down,
you are not alone. There are sane, sensible, normal adults
throughout the country who enjoy consensual spankings.
Some enjoy spankings within a D/s (Dominant/submissive)
sexual relationship where spanking is sometimes even used as a
reward and the activity is directly connected with a sexual
encounter; the power exchange is the focus and in this regard,
spankings might be used as one way to display the
submissiveness of one partner.

Others enjoy a mild spanking, perhaps only five or six hand

slaps to their mate's bottom, during lovemaking. Often couples
include spankings in this manner like the sensation, much the
same way that some couples will include mild biting, scratching
or pinches while making love. There is no exchange of power or
other "mind games" being played with this type of spanking.
The physical activity alone is the appeal.

Still others need spanking in a more traditional role, that of

disciplinary spankings for imaginary or real transgressions.
Only the last way of using spanking is explored with this paper.

Who has the interest?

Professors, blue collar workers, teachers, reverends, corporate

leaders, housewives, accountants-the list could go on and on.
People from every walk of life enjoy adult, consensual spanking.
It might be your co- worker, the person answering the phone
when you call an 800 number for just about any service, the
person behind the counter at the dry-cleaners or other
establishments or even your spouse. The one thing that provides
a common bond to most of us is that we keep this interest very
confidential. Even as adolescents, we learned that there is
something different about having this interest so we keep it to
ourselves. There have been a number of people who finally
mention it to their spouse only to learn that they either had the
interest or at least an intrigue to the idea. Others, though, share
it with the spouse and learn that there is no interest.

No one knows how many Americans have the interest. There has
been little study done on D/s no less just spanking. Many who
have the interest are not otherwise into D/s, they just like
spanking - traditional, disciplinary spankings!
Studies that have been conducted indicate that between 3-10%
of Americans say they have an interest in some type of D/s
activity - including spanking. Studies also show that more men
admit to the interest than women and more men would prefer to
give than women would prefer to give. Some studies - and
common sense - say that more people are interested in more mild
'play' like spanking than aspects of D/s.

Equally important, there is considerable evidence in mainstream

media that the interest in spanking is higher than many people
might think. Many romance novels, especially those written in
the 1970s, include spanking scenes. Movies from the 1940s and
1950's often included spankings in them. Television programs of
the 1950's, '60's and even '70's sometimes had disciplinary
spankings of young 'grown' women in them. In addition, many
regular publications, like Cosmopolitan, feature advertising for
spanking publishers.

There are a few things that seem clear from talking to many
others who have the interest. Spankers and spankees reflect our
society. More women who admit their intrigue with spanking
want to receive than to do the spanking; more men are
interested in giving or "switching" (both giving and receiving
spankings) than just receive spankings. Most men want a woman
as a partner and women usually want a man as a partner. There
are many men and women who want a partner from the same
sex - even those who are heterosexual.

Why me?

There is no simple answer to this direct question. It is a question

that most people who have an interest in spanking ask
themselves repeatedly - at least until they learn more about their
interest and feel more comfortable with it. There are some things
that are very clear after talking to many people who have the
interest.

Most adults with the interest remember having it pre-

adolescence. Often people remember finding the few spankings
they saw on the big screen or on television very exciting even
when they were very young. Most of those who are interested in
spanking - especially women - were not spanked or at least did
not receive "traditional" spankings (over-the-knee or other type
of ritualistic spankings that might include an instrument, a
specific position(s) or unclothing the bottom) as a child or teen.
Some remember receiving an occasional slap, but most did not
receive the type of spanking remotely resembling the type of
spanking they wish to receive - or give - now.

Those who were spanked as children or teens did not usually get
any satisfaction out of it, even if they had the interest at the time.
Even those who want a "daddy" or "mommy" (which is not
most of us), they didn't want their parents involved in their
fantasies at all!

There does seem to be a connection between the presence of guilt

in their childhood and the interest in spanking for many people
who now have the interest. Again this is not the universally true.
However, it seems that a great number of us who have the
interest were raised in households where guilt was a key way for
parents or teachers to guide behavior. As such, many who have
the interest were raised in environments where guilt was
present.

Maybe some of the interest in spanking is the absolute nature of

the activity. One misbehaves, the 'offender' is called upon to
explain his or her behavior and, when warranted a spanking is
given. Sure, they may be a scolding and perhaps some corner
time following the event. There may be other rituals that are
part of the episode. But in the end (no pun intended), the
punishment is accepted and the incident is forgotten. There is no
guilt, no reason for guilt because the miscreant pays the price -
the old fashioned way, with a spanking.

Is spanking becoming more acceptable?

Spanking may be on a rebound. During the 1930's, '40's, and

'50's, one could find many incidents of leading men giving a taste
of bottom warming medicine to women in mainstream movies.
John Wayne, Elvis Presley and Clark Gable all gave their fair
share. But it became socially unacceptable to include such a male
dominating activity during the 1960's. The changing role of
women with a movement to make things more equal between
women and men (finally) made the possibility of a man spanking
a woman in such a public way inappropriate. Women spanking
men was also socially taboo.

The spank word is again being uttered in Hollywood, indicating

the interest of many Americans. Madonna expressed that she
liked to be spanked many times even though at least once she
said she was only kidding. There has even been a few more
recent movies that have included spanking in them. Even Meg
Ryan asked if she was going to get a spanking in a recent movie.

Are all spankees submissive?

There are few absolutes that can be said on this subject, but this
is one of them. NO. There are many men or women who are
submissive and enjoy spanking, many of them in the D/s area.
However, most spankees are not submissive by nature although
the act of receiving a spanking requires a certain level of
submissiveness in action. Most of those this writer has met with
the interest are women who are brats. They are people who
expect to be treated as equals but want someone to set limits and
enforce those limits. They knowingly give up a certain level of
control to allow the spanking. They are not, however, submissive
in any manner.

Is spanking about pain?

No. Sure, a good spanking provides a level of sting - depending

on the instrument used, the intensity, the duration of the
correction. However, most of those who are interested in being
spanked do not want the pain just as those who want to give a
spanking do not want to inflict pain.
Many who like spanking only want over-the-knee, hand
spankings. It provides a special closeness, an intimacy that
instruments lack. Most of us are much more into the ritual, the
anticipation, the control of a spanking than the actual
application of the hand or instrument. For others, that may be
important, but the color change of a well paddled behind and the
sting of a hand, paddle, strap or implement of choice is also a
compelling aspect of the event.

What can I do about my interest?

Evidently you are at least exploring about your interest if you

are reading this essay. You have found that you are not alone!
It's a great feeling, right?

This writer also felt alone for years and kept this interest to
himself because of the personal nature of such an attraction.
Today there are many options open to those of us who have the
interest. Computer access opened many doors for those of us
with this adult, consensual interest.

Exploring via the computer is a wonderful way to learn more.

Gone are the days when one had to go to "adult book stores" to
buy materials on spanking that were published to make money.
Stories and discussion are placed on the internet and accessible
for the price of your monthly service.

There are many paid sites on the computer and some that are
free, such as Southern California Spanked Wives site. Care
needs to be taken when looking at sites since there is a site for
nearly everyone's interest, including some that are very sexually
explicit. Many who are into disciplinary spanking prefer more
'G' rated stories and pictures.

There are also many establishments that provide publications,

stories, movies and even meetings for those of us who enjoy the
interest. These include the more 'traditional' publishers like CF
Publications and Shadowlane along with many newer sources.
Most have websites with an offering of their movies and
publications. Often it is possible to view small segments of their
movies right over your computer.

All of these companies are operated by people who share our

interest. They offer materials through the mail in a manner that
will not embarrass you when you receive the package. These are
only four of probably 10-15 sources. These are the favorite
sources of this writer. The top three are ones that have
purchased stories written by this author.

CF probably offers the most diverse selection of spanking

stories. One can pick from hundreds of titles with all aspects of
the interest included. CF also offers a few magazines including
Over-the-Knee. While simple, much of the writing is of a very
high caliber. CF offers some nice instruments, including a school
wooden paddle, at the best prices around.

Scarlet Hills provides something for nearly everyone with an

interest in spanking including male-female, female-female, and
female-male. While disciplinary spankings are the predominate
theme of this publisher, they also offer a publication called
Different Strokes for those who have an interest that is more D/s
than 'simple spanking.' Scarlet Hills is co-owned by a woman
who is one of the nicest people on this planet. And she is a real
brat!!! They also offer a nice selection of paddles and straps
along with a full collection of videos.

The most well known of the lot is Shadowlane. Co-owned by Eve,

a woman well known in the community, Shadowlane offers the
most slick publications featuring real spanking. They are best
known for Stand Corrected and Scene One. The latter is a book
published regularly featuring hundreds of personal ads for those
interest in giving or receiving (or both) spankings. Shadowlane
also offers very professional videos with many real red butts.
One of the activities that given Shadowlane their reputation is
their annual huge party for those interested in spanking. People
can meet, talk and even spank interested party-goers at their
West coast get-together. More recently they have added a
couples only event to their social calendar.

How do I play safely?

You have read this, been thinking about your interest for a long
time, found some people interested in spanking and now you
want to go about trying it! You probably have feel all kinds of
emotions, even wondering if you will like it in real life. You know
deep down that you will, but may even doubt this (this writer has
never met someone who longed for a spanking then didn't like it
in real life!).

The most important aspect of taking spanking to real life is

playing safely. Regardless of the intensity level you want - or
don't want - you can play safely if you play smart. It takes
mostly common sense to make sure you have a good, safe
experience.

For many it is possible to introduce this idea to someone who is

already their Significant Other. If that is possible, the spankee
automatically takes less safety risks. Those people do not have to
be concerned about who they meet - only how to play. Even then
it is best to take it slowly and allow your partner to learn more
about your interest. Much of being a good spanker is having
confidence. For some of us, we had years to think about it, to
play out the type of spanking we want to give. We know what the
young lady get's out of it because we have read so much and
have spoken with people. However, for a 'converted spanker,'
those things that come natural to us, have to be learned. Let
your Significant Other learn about it over a period of time.
Don't expect that perfect spanking - or even nearly perfect
spanking - the first or second (or even third time) going over the
lap.

Taking it slowly is even more important for those who will be

meeting people with the interest. Get to know your prospective
mate long before meeting them. One can learn a lot about the
behavior of someone over the computer and on the phone. Talk
about your interest and ask questions about his or her interest.
Set up limits - clear, defined limits. Try to build the trust so you
know that your partner will abide by those limits. Safewords (a
word that can be used to slow down or stop the action) are
important especially for people who do not know one another
very well. Sure, with someone you 'play' with often, it is possible
to read body language. However, it is asking a lot to expect that
a stranger is going to understand your body language, your
wishes without a more direct manner.

Most importantly, when you do meet someone, do it in a public

place. Make sure that either party can walk away after some
discussion with no excuses needed. A great deal of trust is
needed to make a spanking work. Sometimes it is possible to
have that trust when you meet with someone for the first time.
Sometimes a bit more time - or a lot more time - is needed.
Follow your heart. Don't get into something when you have
doubts. Sure, you will have apprehension, concern about what is
going to happen to you. However, you shouldn't be scarred
about meeting someone. If that is the case, maybe it just isn't the
right partner for you or maybe you are just not ready at the
time. Listen to your mind.

Finally, you should set the stage to walk away wanting more.
Don't expect that every fantasy will be fulfilled the first time you
meet someone. There are some fantasies, such as bondage, that
should not be tried with someone you are just meeting for the
first time. If it is the first time you are being spanked, a nice
hand spanking is probably a good start. A little sample of a
brush or paddle may be a good way to end the event. For many
women, however, a hand spanking is where they want to start -
and end. It provides the intimacy that so many women seek and
furnishes enough sting to get the point across.

The End

From the 'Spanking Jack' website

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Update note in February 2010: Jack's site is no longer extant, but
you may view the complete set of archived articles by clicking from
the dates on this page:

http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www ... -jack.com/