August 9th, 2010 in Communication, Featured, Lifestyle, Management

9 Helpful Tips To Deal With Negative People

Do you have any friends or colleagues who are negative? If so, you ll know they ar
en t the most enjoyable people to be around. Negative people can be real downers i
n any conversation. No matter what you say, they have a way of spinning things i
n a negative direction. Some negative people can be so negative that it feels dr
aining just being around them.
I ve dealt with a fair share of negative people in my life. When I was in junior c
ollege, I was basically surrounded by a college population of negative students
and teachers. My school wasn t the best of the lot, so most people inside were dis
gruntled by virtue of being there. While I was initially taken aback by negativi
ty of the people, I eventually learned to manage it and channel it into consciou
s action.
Today, I deal with negativity on-and-off in my personal development work, especi
ally if there are readers or coaching clients in distress. Rather than be affect
ed by others negative energy, I m now able to consciously deal with it. Here, I ll sh
are with you 9 tips to deal with negative people in your life:
1) Don t get into an argument
One of the most important things I learned is not to debate with a negative pers
on. A negative person likely has very staunch views and isn t going to change that
just because of what you said. Whatever you say, he/she can find 10 different r
easons to back up his/her viewpoint. The discussion will just swirl into more ne
gativity, and you pull yourself down in the process. You can give constructive c
omments, and if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, don t engage fur
ther.
2) Empathize with them
Have you ever been annoyed by something before, then have someone tell you to rel
ax ? How did you feel? Did you relax as the person suggested or did you feel even
more worked up?
From my experience, people who are negative (or upset for that matter) benefit m
ore from an empathetic ear than suggestions/solutions on what he/she should do.
By helping them to address their emotions, the solutions will automatically come
to them (it s always been inside them anyway).
3) Lend a helping hand
Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of i
t though, so their comments come across as complaints rather than requests. Take
the onus to lend a helping hand. Just a simple Are you okay? or Is there anything
I can do to help you? can do wonders.
4) Stick to light topics
Some negative people are triggered by certain topics. Take for example: One of m
y friends sinks into a self-victimizing mode whenever we talk about his work. No
matter what I say (or don t say), he ll keep complaining once we talk about work.
Our 1st instinct with negative people should be to help bring them to a more pos
itive place (i.e. steps #2 and #3). But if it s apparent the person is stuck in hi
s/her negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-o
ff conversation, or for you to help him/her unravel it. Bring in a new topic to
lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences, common frien
ds, make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive towa
rds.
5) Ignore the negative comments
One way to help the negative person get it is to ignore the negative comments. If
he/she goes into a negative swirl, ignore or give a simple I see or Ok reply. On the
other hand, when he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm.
Do this often and soon he/she will know positivity pays off. He/she will adjust
to be more positive accordingly.
6) Praise the person for the positive things
Negative people aren t just negative to others. They re also negative to themselves.
If you already feel negative around them, imagine how they must feel all the ti
me. What are the things the person is good at? What do you like about the person
? Recognize the positive things and praise him/her for it. He/she will be surpri
sed at first and might reject the compliment, but on the inside he/she will feel
positive about it. That s the first seed of positivity you re planting in him/her a
nd it ll bloom in the long-term.
7) Hang out in 3 s or more people
Having someone else in the conversation works wonders in easing the load. In a 1
-1 communication, all the negativity will be directed towards you. With someone
else in the conversation, you don t have to bear the full brunt of the negativity.
This way you can focus more on doing steps #1 (Empathizing) and #2 (Helping the
person).
8) Be responsible for your reaction
Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately you re the one who is perceiving
the person is negative. When you recognize that, actually the negativity is the
product of your lens. Take responsibility for your perceptions. For every trait
, you can interpret it in a positive and a negative manner. Learn to see the goo
dness of the person than the negative. It may be tough initially, but once you c
ultivate the skill, it becomes second nature.
9) Reduce contact with them / Avoid them
If all else fails, reduce contact with them or avoid them altogether. If it s a go
od friend, let him/her know of the severity of the issue and work it out where p
ossible. It s not healthy to spend too much time with people who drain you. Your t
ime is precious, so spend it with people who have positive effects on you