The noob's guide to Fast Tech

Tales of the Chinese based emporium of cheap vape clones have become legendary -
usually on the basis of their slow delivery times and terrible quality. However
, like all legends, these are most often told by people who weren't there at the
time. For example, this conversation is all too common:
"Fast Tech only sells mods made out of old bottle caps, and it takes up to a tho
usand years to get a drip tip delivered"
- "Really? So you buy from them?"
"Buy from SLOW Tech? Me? Noooooo - I only buy good quality clones from local sup
pliers"
- "Then how can you know that they only sell rubbish, and that their shipping is
slow?"
"Oh come on - EVERYBODY knows that *pft*"
So, if you're one of the people responsible for exchanges like this based on fif
th hand information and 'accepted wisdom' - quit that shit. Here's the skinny on
FT; what's good about them, what's bad, and some tips to help you buy right and
save money.

"Fast Tech should be called Slow Tech"

Why yes; their free worldwide shipping is not a next day proposition, but neithe
r does it take three months as some will have you believe. Any order over twenty
US dollars is automatically sent via an express service which SHOULD take 10-14
days to most destinations (I'm mostly in the UK, but check the shipping options
in case that's different for your location). However, there are factors outside
of their control such as local delays, customs clearance, and even being delive
red to the wrong address by your dopey postman. Any orders under twenty bucks ge
t shipped by a service that can take around a month, but by paying around a doll
ar extra (the more you spend, the less it costs), you can upgrade to the express
service. Given their prices, even if you were just buying one two dollar drip t
ip, springing for a buck and change to get it quicker is worth doing when you co
nsider how much you'd pay on your local eBay. Let's be honest - no one NEEDS a n
ew drip tip, we WANT a new drip tip. If you want it fast, then spend ten dollars
plus shipping and tax locally for exactly the same thing.

"But I bought something and didn't get it for months"

Well the issue here is that you fell foul of one of FT's annoying little foibles
. Adjacent to the buy button on each item is a small note that tells you the sto
ck status. If it's in stock or says 'ships next day', then in 14 days - VAPEMAIL
! If it has an ETA of maybe five days, then please note the E for 'estimated'. I
've bought things that had an ETA of seven days, and seven weeks later it still
hadn't shipped - though that's exceptional. Saying that, I've seen things with s
even day ETAs ship next day - so it works both ways. People will wait on a pre-o
rder for six months to buy a $300 metal tube, browse US and EU web sites on whic
h just about NOTHING is in stock, but won't wait six weeks for the $20 clone? Oh
perlease - commerce has this old adage that products can be good, cheap, and de
livered quickly (more of that later); but you can only choose a maximum of two -
never all three. It's annoying and I wish they didn't do it, but they do - so e
ither manage your expectations, or buy the identical product for five times the
cost in a B&M. Be aware that FT keeps you away from all sorts of bullshit associ
ated with dealing with Chinese manufacturers. they get fucked around by even the
most respected names in the industry some times, and do their best to give you
accurate information. However, a lot of factories get a bit over ambitious in th
e hopes they can place product in such a fast moving marketplace, and then sudde
nly find they can't get the right Unobtanium flange spangles from one of their s
uppliers, so dates get pushed back. there's a certain culture that you have to g
et used to, but FT are part of the solution and not the problem 9/10. That said,
fuck ups happen - deal with it, and cut them some slack. Don't be 'that guy' wh
ose first post on the forum is whinging about their precious nine dollar clone s
hipping a day late. try buying a $200 authentic, and see how much better the sit
uation is. spoiler alert - it is usually a whole lot worse.

"Fast Tech only sells shitty clones, not the good ones you buy locally"
Oh THOSE clones you mean? The clones from the OTHER Chinese factories across the
street? Sorry cupcake, but with some exceptions, what FT sells for $20 is exact
ly the same as many of the clones that your local vape shop sells for $60. In fa
ct, I'd wager that most of what's being sold on eBay is actually bought directly
from FT in the first place, and just marked up by part time sellers. Good luck
to them, and may all their businesses prosper - they're providing a valuable fac
tor in the fast/good/cheap triumvirate we discussed earlier.

"You don't know how good anything is until you buy it"
Not unless you take advantage of the uncensored reviews and mini discussion foru
ms linked to every item. However, if you do bother to read them, you'll see ever
yone from nobodies like me to good old Twisted420 chipping in with their views o
n various products. You'll also find people bitching endlessly about shipping ti
mes and how people should only buy originals, yet they also usually have a coupl
e of dozen reviews regarding their purchases on the site associated with their p
rofiles - hypocrisy does notoriously benefit from a megaphone. Sadly one should
also remember that those who know the least so often 'know it the loudest'.

"Their customer service is awful, and no one speaks English"

Au contraire gentle reader. Whilst in my experience some vape related stores and
websites wouldn't answer an email if their fucking livelihood depended on it -
and it does - FT will answer a ticket within a day, and often within the hour. T
heir English is impeccable (unlike my Cantonese which extends only as far as say
ing "happy new year", and "do you have anything with less eyeballs and chicken f
eet floating in it?"), their no quibble returns and DOA policy means there's nev
er a big fuss if something's wrong (and there will be things wrong now and again
- remember the cheap/good/fast thing?), and replacement parts are sent out fast
and with all the efficiency of a regular order. Your online account stores and
tracks the progress of your orders, and making changes is a matter of a couple o
f mouse clicks. They even upload a photo of your packed shipment before they sen
d it. Nice touch.

"It's all junk"

I certainly won't deny that SOME of what they sell is horrible. That said, even
their fifteen dollar Nemesis really wasn't at all bad, but you need to both mana
ge your expectations and buy cannily. Read the reviews, and you'll soon know wha
t you should buy, shouldn't buy, or might like to take a gamble on. I've never o
nce had anything that wasn't worth the money I paid for it, but some things are
better than others. For example their $12 Kraken is superb, and their $30 Tree o
f Life is one of the nicest mods I've ever bought - genuine or clone. Also, if t
here are half a dozen TOBH clones at different price points, don't buy the cheap
est and expect it to be the best.

"They take the authenticity stickers and warranties out because they're fake/sto
len/returns"
Nope, they do this because they refuse to sell at the inflated prices stated by
the MAP agreements set by manufacturers. For a full overview of this issue, plea
se see the file located in this folder, which deals specifically with that alone
. One of the key factors people are concerned about is that they can't make a wa
rranty claim with the maker of their device, and have to go through FT. Well tha
t's a good thing, as getting a Chinese factory to honor the warranty a product,
is like nailing water to a window with an asparagus spear, using an angry cat as
a hammer. Instead, FT have a very fair returns policy, which is far better than
manufacturers CLAIM to have, let alone what they will actually do. If you want
to see how factories and even other vendors sort out product issues, then read t
his thread regarding the wonky Evic TC mini, posted on Joyetech's own site. Basi
cally they totally ignore the issue, and even vendors need their arm bent before
they will do a damned thing. FT simply ask for some sort of proof regarding the
issue, and will then organise a return and replacement. They even pay the retur
n postage. http://social.joyetech.com/showthread.php?tid=2242&page=6
"FC, GB, AC, etc all have the same item in stock and cheaper "
Well go and buy it there then. Just be aware that when they also give you the ru
n around on shipping dates, or suddenly boost the price from what was asked for
in the case of a preorder, you're going to look pretty fucking dumb when you com
e crawling back to FT. There are other vendors out there, and some of them do of
fer advantages in some cases - thank fuck for healthy competition. I wanted a Ho
tcig Flash quickly recently, and FC had them identified as the HC version in the
ir German warehouse. I got it in four or five days, but paid about 30% more. GB
had the UD vape case for half what FT first listed it at, though I've not heard
of a single person having actually received one. My first test buy from GB was a
couple of cases for the Cloupor Mini - that was three or four months ago, and n
ot only have I still not got them, but they cancelled my account so I can't even
chase them about it. FT piss me off some days, but they've never actually stole
n money from me like GB has. Shop around, but be aware how many of we oldfags ha
ve hundreds of reviews on our accounts - it's not because we are too lazy to loo
k elsewhere. if you want further evidence, here's one post I saw recently on the
FT forum:
"Just to let people know, I've just ordered the one from GB as I was also after
the one with BF pin. What I received is just plain nasty and also does not even
feature on their site. It has no Delrin insert in the top cap, instead it's just
solid metal. There's obviously no BF pin and the grub screws have been replaced
with horrible thumb nuts. It's a shocking example. Buyer beware".

Cheap/good/fast
I told you we'd get back to this. In my personal experience everything on FT pre
tty much meets that adage, though there are some very positive examples where th
ey manage all three - which should be unheard of. I mentioned their TOL clone ea
rlier - $30, superb quality, and delivered to my door in 12 days (which included
a weekend). Not too shabby. You need to remember that an 'authentic' manufactur
er will sell a $20 atty for $100, Fast Tech will sell a 1:1 copy for $10, and yo
ur local vape store will sell the exact same copy for $50. Now tell me again why
you should be supporting your local market, and why FT sucks?
Now go forth my snarklings; buy often, buy well, and only bitch about personal e
xperiences - not merely the hearsay of others.

Nymza Vril 2014

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