1 Thesis: I am Legend, by Richard Matheson, I will be analyzing the novel through a

feminist lens. From the beginning of the novel, when Neville journeys out to the find the
cure for the plague he only targets women as his lab rats because he is unable to cope
with the idea that the vampires killed his wife. Similar to how Neville choose to
experiment only on women, vampires will directly target female vampires to satisfy their
need for blood. In the novel Matheson explains how Nevilles life is repetitive and how
the world has forced him to be celibate projecting that women are only sex objects in
society, even though every decision he makes revolves around the death of his loved ones
that were female. With Men, Women, and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror
Film, By Carol J. Clover, an expertise in horror and credited for final girl theory in her
book, I will define how females play significant roles in the genre of horror culture. Like
most men, Neville believes he has authority because men have constantly been the power
leaders of the world, but when Ruth is introduced in the novel she exposes him to the
concept of feminism through her resistance. Matheson displays that Neville is unable to
accept the new society and how women are equal in the world, similar to sexism today,
and eventually he accepts his fate that he is going to die. With that, Matheson is
expressing that in todays society feminism tremendously influences all aspects of the
world because it allows females to have rights and allow them to take positions with great
power. I am going to explain how Nevilles conflict is surrounded with the idea of
feminism and how he is constantly fighting with the concept of women having a powerful
role, but also how feminism reverts him back to being human.
a Both Neville and the male vampires tend to kill females more than other males.
b Neville views women in a purely sexual way.
c When Neville sees a woman, he immediately thinks they are going to have sex.
d Ruth represents the fact that women are powerful and strong.
e Ruth shows that the new society will have women in high positions that are just as
qualified as men.
The thesis does a good job of providing the claims that will be discussed in the paragraphs,
and the paragraphs do discuss the points as stated in the thesis. However, the thesis introduces
two different outside sources that are never used in the paragraphs: Clover and Carrol. I would
recommend tying those sources into the body paragraphs and providing quotes from them.
1 Overall cohesion is good. For paragraph (4): the cohesion is good and there only seems to
be one point being made. One thing that could only help your argument is perhaps more
evidence, either from the book or, better yet, from an outside source. One such example
would be with the sentence His solution came from a female as well, symbolizing that
women have a great impact on society and how it functions. This seems like a pretty big
point made with little to back it up. Add more evidence and you should be in good shape
here.
2 Paragraph (5): The main issue here is that there are only 4 sentences but still a somewhat
large amount of words. For example, the sentence Even Neville acknowledges that
Ruths smile was the tight, forced smile of a woman who was trying to forgo being a
woman in favor of her dedication because in his lifetime women had to work vigorously
to be noticed, but Ruth is a ranking officer that has monumental authority over her new
society (Matheson 156) is a little long and somewhat grammatically awkward. The
points in the paragraph flow smoothly, so well done for that, but the sentences themselves
 are just a little awkward and long with a slight lack of punctuation. Keep the ideas and
reword the sentences a little and you should be good for the structure.
3 Overall I dont have much of a problem with the ethos here. I think the only thing thats
holding it back a little is the grammar errors that are made, though they are not that
frequent. As I said before, there are a few places where it feels a little awkwardly worded,
so I would pay some special attention to that. Credibility seems pretty good though, no
changes I can think of there.
4 Language
a Word Choices: (Thesis is not 1, but will be labeled T if used)
I Paragraph T, Sentence 2 lab rats; this phrase just feels a little
unprofessional, perhaps change it to experiments (and then change your
later use of that word) or tests
II Paragraph 1, Sentence 1 surrounded; this isnt really the right word
to use here, but I cannot think of valid replacement, so you may have to
rework the sentence a little
III Paragraph 2, Sentence 8 baby-making machines; this whole sentence,
but particularly this phrase, feels unprofessional again, and this gets into
hypotheticals which is not the goal of the essay. Analyze the text that is
there and not what could potentially be if Matheson wrote it differently. If
you must use it, then perhaps replace it with something like only useful
for their sexuality.
b Wordiness:
I Paragraph 1 Especially when he ventures out to kill vampires in
abandoned houses, he always takes a pause questioning, Why do they all
look like Kathy to me and hesitates to kill the female vampire because
then he is killing his daughter, but it is ironic because all his killings are
for his daughter and his wife (Matheson 15). This one is pretty long. It
should really be split into 2 sentences, probably at the end of the quote.
II Paragraph 2 He becomes agitated that the women who made it so
difficult, he thought, the women posing like lewd puppets in the night on
the possibility that hed see them and decide to come out Matheson
suggests that women are sexual beings that attempt to accomplish their
goal by displaying arousing movements with their body language (7). I
couldnt tell if this one was supposed to be 2 sentences, but because the
citation is at the end I figured it was only one. It should probably be 2, and
you might need to rework how you use the quote.
III Paragraph 3 Nevilles immediate approach when spotting another
human being for the first time in a while was that they were going to fall
in love because the assumption is that Ruth is the only female and he is the
only male that is living, so it is inevitable that they are going to have sex.
This one is a run on that shouldnt be 2 sentences but should just be cut
down. Simply state that he spotted another woman and assumed they have
sex because of that fact.
c Sentence Structure/Variety:
I Paragraph 5 Even Neville acknowledges that Ruths smile was the
tight, forced smile of a woman who was trying to forgo being a woman in
 favor of her dedication because in his lifetime women had to work
vigorously to be noticed, but Ruth is a ranking officer that has
monumental authority over her new society (Matheson 156). This one
feels grammatically awkward, perhaps shorten it a little and rearrange the
part after the quote.
II Paragraph 4 During the final interaction between Ruth and Neville, it
displays how a strongly anti-feminist man has finally accepted that todays
society is going to be filled with powerful women standing next to men.
A simple deletion of 2 words and a comma makes it flow much better:
The final interaction between Ruth and Neville displays how a strongly
anti-feminist man has finally accepted that todays society is going to be
filled with powerful women standing next to men. There is also a tense
issue that should be revised; you use the word today followed by is
going, which goes from present to future tense with no transition.
III Paragraph T I am going to explain how Nevilles conflict is
surrounded with the idea of feminism and how he is constantly fighting
with the concept of women having a powerful role, but also how feminism
reverts him back to being human. The grammar seems a little odd here
since there is a list of three points but they are not in an actual list. Perhaps
work it into one if you can and still make your point.