Table of Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS ............................................................................................................................. 2

DEDICATIONS AND THANKS! ............................................................................................................... 3

HOW TO READ THIS MANUAL ............................................................................................................. 4

START WITH YOURSELF!....................................................................................................................... 5

CHAPTER 1 KEY TO PEAK PERFORMANCE! ALL PERFORMANCE IS STATE DEPENDENT6

CHAPTER 1B BEWARE OF THE EXPERT WHO YELLS IN ANGER AT YOU, WHILE TEACHING
YOU TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE! ............................................................................. 14

CHAPTER 2 CREATING A POWERFUL TEAM BELIEF SYSTEM! .............................................. 23

CHAPTER 3 HOW TO BREAK ALL THE RULES AND WIN!.......................................................... 43

CHAPTER 4: HOW TO GAIN RAPPORT INSTANTLY WITH ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME!

...................................................................................................................................................................... 50

CHAPTER 5 HOW TO ACCELERATE THE LEARNING ABILITY OF YOUR ATHLETES SO THAT

ITS TRANSFERABLE OVER TO COMPETITION............................................................................ 54

CHAPTER 6 THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATION STRATEGY!............................................................ 67

CHAPTER 7: ANCHORING YOURSELF FOR SUCCESS! ................................................................ 76

CHAPTER 8 THE TRUTH ABOUT WORRY & HOW TO OVERCOME IT! TO WORRY OR NOT TO
WORRY! ..................................................................................................................................................... 84

CHAPTER 9 WHEN YOURE A WEAK MOUSE, HANG OUT WITH THE BADDEST DOG IN TOWN
WARRIOR PHILOSOPHIES AND OVERCOMING NASTY CATS.................................................. 88

CHAPTER 10 HOW TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF CRITICISM! ................................................... 97

CHAPTER 11 HOW TO HAVE THE MENTAL FOCUS OF A NAVY SEAL TO GET THINGS DONE!
.................................................................................................................................................................... 105

CHAPTER 12 BEING HUMBLE AND BEING REAL........................................................................ 114

CHAPTER 13 UTILIZING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND .............................................................. 119

CHAPTER 14 OVER 50 SCENARIOS COACHES FACE- AND ANSWERS TO EACH ONE!... 128

CHAPTER 15: THE NEXT STEP! WHAT SEPARATES THE TOP 3% OF COACHES FROM THE
OTHER 97%............................................................................................................................................. 207
Bonuses
Incredible Athlete Secrets Seminar!
Overcoming Fear Seminar
Jeff Janssen Interview
Players Handbook
 Dedications And Thanks!
First, I wanted to once again thank my family. My mom and dad for being the
coolest two parents anyone could ask for. My brothers and sisters for kicking my butt on
the basketball court outside the house as a kid. I need to give special credit here to my
brother Pat, since I tease him the most in all of my stories. You are great (but dont tell
anyone I said that;-)

I wanted to thank God, for my talents, strengths, challenges, insights, lack of

insight, and for allowing me to have been touched by so many people. And surrounded
by so many wonderful people, like my family, in-laws, players, fellow and opposing
coaches, and my players parents.

I want to thank my business mentors. Some of these guys dont know I exist, but
theyve made a major impact on allowing me to keep doing what I want to do. Dan
Kennedy, Randy Davis, Jeff Paul, Jim Fleck, John LaValle, Joe Polish, Ron LeGrande,
Niels Pedersen, Marilyn Akee, Jon Alanis, and many more. Thanks for taking the time,
when you didnt have to!

Thanks to all my coaching mentors and friends whove stuck by me all these
years. Ed McNulty, Bruce Billingsly, Charlie Sullivan, Therese Boyle, Melvin Hubbard,
Elaina Oden, Chris Meyer, Bob Heersma, Lenny, Kyle McCall, John Kessel, Peg Van-
Ward Meyer, Therese OKeefe Badali, Mom, Dave Dueser, Niels, Marilyn, Bertil
Wamelink, Gloria, and all the coaches who coached with me at Ilowa and 2nd City.
Especially Molly Schurr, Amanda Ziegwied, Melissa Kurth(you rock dude!), Katie
OKeefe, Greg Cotton, Erin Soedt, Katie Weeber, Christa, Laurie Koopman, Jane,

Special thanks to all the coaches, who answered my questionnaires, and give me
feedback! There are too many to name them all, and I would feel terrible if I missed any
names! If you ever need anything just ask.

To all the kids who are out there doing the best they can! My ultimate goal is that
this system affects your life for the better!

Finally, I dedicate this all the coaches who spend their time working extremely
hard to make others better! You make a difference, and I hope this makes a difference
for you!
 How To Read This Manual
A couple things to know about this system. First, much of this was created
by me speaking to audiences, and or from answering questions that coaches and
athletes had. The reason I tell you this is because you are getting this information
directly as I would say it to you in person.
My desire here was to make this manual as realistic as personal and as
applicable as possible. Therefore, Ill use some phrasing that I use when I talk. It
may make an English teacher cringe, but its exactly how I talk in real life. There
may be some language or terms I use that may offend you. If you dont like it,
either ignore it, or Id be happy to give you your money back. But remember, this
system is not designed to be sold in the bookstore.
Its the type of product that you can only get by being behind the scenes,
in the locker room talking with the best coaches in the country. For example, in
researching for this manual I visited many locker rooms to see how they
prepared their teams. In those locker rooms, there were times where there was
more vulgarity in 5 minutes than I hear all month.
But Id look like an idiot if I stood up and asked them, to refrain from using
vulgarity just because I was there. However, if I left out some of my comments
and made it softer for your ears, then I would be being fake.
This system is all about being real, and giving you information that is not
theoretical, but applicable.

My suggestion is to read this with an open mind, and feel free to disagree
with as much as youd like. But whatever you do agree with, I would recommend
implementing as much as possible, as quickly as possible.
The other strategy would be to read the whole manual, and then go to a
coffee shop and get a calendar out. Then mark what strategies you are going to
use, at certain intervals.
Get 2 sheets of paper out and write all the challenges that you faced last
year as a coach, and write 3 ideas you are going to head those problems off
before they even occur. If you dont find any strategy for your particular problem,
email me, and Ill create some solutions for you. However, do this yourself first,
and who cares if you think you are going to be wrong. At least youll be flushing
out ideas.
Also, when you read this manual and system, Id suggest starting at the
beginning with Chapter 1. You can read the bonuses at anytime, because they
are phenomenal supplements to the system. Make notes, grab a high-lighter.
Talk about some of these concepts with some of your fellow coaches. Play
devils advocate. Play both sides. Whatever, but get your brain thinking in new
ways.
Most importantly, have fun with this system!
 Start With Yourself!

The following words were written on the tomb of an Anglican

bishop (1000 AD) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey:

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I

dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered
the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and
decided to change only my country.

But it, too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one desperate attempt, I settled for

changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have
none of it.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able
to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the
world.

Anonymous

Excerpted from Chicken Soup for the Soul

 Chapter 1 Key To Peak Performance!
All Performance Is State Dependent
The quality of your performance is directly
related to the quality of your emotional state at any given moment! Ed
OKeefe

One of the keys that I started off with a few years ago when I started

teaching this information and even for my own life was finding out that my

emotional state was the driving force to everything I did. Whether it was with my

athletic performance, my coaching performance, in my relationships, in learning,

in anything. And one of the things is that you can learn ten times faster than

probably most people if you know how to manage your state and you learn

strategies on how to do it.

Now one of the things that- I mean, havent you ever had a situation where

you said something, you did something, you acted in certain ways that was totally

out of character for you? And when you looked back on it you were like, Geez,

who was that person who did that? Or, gosh I wasnt even thinking, I felt like such

an idiot and I felt bad about it.

Well wouldnt you agree that during those times, the reason you acted in

certain ways is that you were in a negative emotional state or unresourceful

emotional state, and so you acted based on your emotion rather than thinking

something through. Isnt that true? Its true.

Okay, so if thats true then you can begin to see how this affects your

athletes performance. Because hasnt there been a time as an athlete or as a

coach where you were just on man, I mean, you knew everything that was going

on, you just were sharp, the answers were flowing, things went well and, you
know, everything was just smooth?

Now cant you also remember times where you were upset about
something, life wasnt going great, or someone said something, or something

happened and you were just the opposite. So flustered, so upset that everything

seemed narrower, you couldnt think as fast, your responses to situations were

poor and your advice to whomever or yourself or the team was worse and was

not as effective. And you guys probably lost or didnt do as well because of it?

And one of the things that I want to tell you now is, you (as a coach)

having the ability to manage your emotional state is just as important as

your athletes being able to manage their emotional state.

And why is that true? Because emotion- like the energy that you put out

into your team is so transferable. Your kids will feel it and theyll actually, they try

to take on the character of their coaches. For example, you can look at any team

and if you look on the team and youve got athletes who are wild, sporadic and

get upset and flustered easily. You can most likely look at their coach and see

the same types of behaviors, most of the time, not always but most of the time.

And then if you see a team thats confident, cool, calm and collected and

they, you know, get tougher when tough times happen, you can probably look at

the coach, again, and go, Oh, well this makes sense because, you know, look at

the behavior of the coach.

Where To Begin!

So in my programs one of the key things that I want you to understand is

that the most important thing to begin with is emotional state when youre

teaching your teams these new strategies.

Emotional state is probably the quickest way to turn a struggling team, into

a winning team. A team who is slumping into a powerful team.

For example, when I go in and do consulting with teams or an individual

athlete, one of the first things I always work with is their emotional state, internal

strategies that are causing these unresourceful states. Also, I want to know if

they have any negative anchors(associations) or anchors built up that are

preventing them from accessing their positive, powerful emotional states and

best thinking.

See, the way the brain works is that it deletes so much information for

people to remain sane, that it will ignore positive past performances if the last few

losses were really bad. Then a person or a team will go into a slump, and the

negative cycle begins. So, when I tell you that I can turn around a team or

individual instantly, its because this is the problem.

All I need to do, and youll learn how to do in this system, is assist your

athletes in finding the resources they need to perform at a high level. Because

most of the time, when teams go into slumps its really simple, actually, to get

them back out.

Just so you really get this. All theyve done is, theyve had a few past

experiences, otherwise known as references, whatever you want to call them,

and whats happened is theyve generalized that feeling that they had of not

playing well into their future and into their past.

So, theyll start saying things like, Oh, we always suck or we always

struggle.

Well you can take a same confident team whos doing well and they do

the same thing. They project and generalize their positive resources into the

past and into the future. And so theyll say things like, Oh, we always play

tough. We always get better as we go. And theyll say comments like that so

their language reflects their confidence and internal dialogue.

Now while their language reflects their confidence (or lack there of), the

language also creates their confidence. So its kind of a loop there. (Actually,
Maxwell Maltz called this the Cybernetic Loop.)

And then, you know, what else happens to a team who, their emotional

state is theyre feeling good and they had a couple good positive things happen,

the next thing that happens is or a simultaneous thing that happens is their

physiology is definitely one of confidence.

For example, you see them walking around, they have a certain presence

about them, dont they? You know, they walk differently, they talk differently,

they breathe differently.

You know, the best model of this is Michael Jordan. I mean, geez louise,

watch this guy. Hes unbelievable! When he is on and just the way he carries

himself is unbelievable. Like hell be sick, but he knows how to manage his

emotional state better than any athlete thats out there.

Back to my point: the physiology and language reflect their confidence.

Well a team whos slumping, their physiology and language reflects their

inabilities, their weaknesses and their current state at the time.

Then the last thing is what? Well, you know, the team whos feeling good

and confident and the emotional state is positive, their visualization and their

images are reflecting their confidence, arent they?

So the team that feels good has positive images, of positive outcomes, of

excellent performances. A team that feels bad has negative images, poor out

comes, and ultimately poor performances.

Now, this whole program is developed so that you can get tools to start

influencing and controlling these variables. So if theyre lacking confidence,

some of the exercises in here are designed to help you interrupt that thought

pattern of your team and redirect to a more empowering thought pattern.

Now one of the best ways to interrupt your teams emotional state and

behavior is by changing any of those things or all three of them at the same time-
physiology, language and images.

One of the first steps is just, you know, getting your kids aware that theyre

running negative images. I mean, I can talk to a kid and hell be like, Yeah, Im

struggling with something. Im not playing good. I suck right now.

And I go, Oh, you mean, so you walk around with confidence, you say

positive things to yourself and you have a positive expectation of the end result?

And theyll look at me kind of weird and go, Well, no.

And Ill go, Oh, so are you like saying that you are inside your head

saying how much you suck and how bad you are and how things arent good and

you have a negative outlook about how youre going to perform, and then you

walk around with your shoulders shrugged, you barely breathe. Then the

moment you make a mistake you put your head down, and then you say to

yourself Im no good and I should be taken out of the game And then you get

taken out of the game and then everything you thought about was a self-fulling

prophecy, is that more like what happens?

And theyll look at me surprised as if Im some kind of mind reader and

say, Yeah, how did you know?

Because everyone does the same way of how to get into a slump. Thats

how they use their brain.

Now what Im trying to show you though, is all of those things relate to

emotional state. And then if you get people who feel bad more often they create

a pattern of feeling bad. They get in a losers habit, like they have a loser inner

dialogue, loser images, loser physiology and then this is what gets effected

majorly, their beliefs.

And their beliefs about whats capable for them and what they can do is

affected. They dont think they can do as well. Theyll go up against a team that

they usually can compete well against, but theyll have a self-fulfilling prophecy
so theyll defeat themselves before they even start.

And, you know, those are all not great things, because people are better

than that, they have more resources than that. They just havent been able to

access them because their emotional state limits the way their brain accesses

information.

Then, also one of the worst things is, hopefully this doesnt happen, but

whats very possible is they have an identity of a loser. They start saying things

to themselves like, I am a loser. Im always in a slump. I cant do great things.

And then the thing is is that when you meet people who have that kind of

outlook on things, their emotional state, their language, their thoughts, their

behavior all reflect that belief about themselves and their behaviors.

Now, since human beings, you and I will do anything to get away from

pain and anything to go towards pleasure, a lot of times these athletes will either

quit or resign from the fact that they have a chance to win more quickly.

So theyll hope that they lose quicker or theyll hope that someone else

makes a mistake or theyll hope that it just gets over and theyre not willing to

fight through it (pain or tension of competition). So the key is is to always go

back and change the emotional state. Or, create new internal strategies for

your athletes to bypass many problems.

One more thought that I had, that I wanted to share, before we move on to

something else is that this emotional state that were talking about and the belief

systems and identity and all those things, what happens is those things transfer

and they get contagious (to their teammates).

So, that if you create a positive belief system, positive emotional states,

people like to be there, people are working hard, you create a team belief and a

team atmosphere thats extremely powerful.

However, the opposite is totally true. That if you have a team of people
who arent used to competing or arent use to using failure as just a springboard

into getting more success and arent used to bouncing back from challenges, well

then youre going to have a struggling team and a struggling program.

And one of the things that youve got to look at as a coach is What are

your own beliefs about whats capable for you personally as a coach? And then,

secondly, what do you expect from your athletes and are those two things in

alignment?

Because if youre a coach who doesnt have a winning attitude, does not

have a winning spirit, does not have a winning drive and one that wants to build

confidence in your kids. Someone who wants to create a program where these

kids are strong and powerful and will go on to do great things throughout their

whole life. If youre not those things, then you need to make some evaluations

here and now. About do you want those things?

And if you do, then youre in the right place. If you dont, well then whats

your purpose of coaching? I mean, you know, youre going to win some, youre

going to lose some, but ultimately, man, fifty years down the road when youre

sitting at your bedside and their talking about, you know, what did you do to

succeed as a coach?

I would hope that one of your answers is, you know;

I did this to develop kids or adults, to give them an opportunity to be as

successful as they possibly can be, and feel good about themselves and make a

positive difference in the world.

Now thats kind of a big life purpose statement there, but one of the things

that Im hoping to do through this program and my other systems, is to make your

life and then your athletes lives a little bit more richer. A little bit more fuller, a

little bit more fun, because youre going to learn some killer, kick butt strategies.

Winning is a by-product of all these strategies and one of the things that I
love seeing are two competitive teams going at it. The only thing I love more in

sports is being a part of it.

And so, you know, I love to win more than lose, and I do win a lot more

than I lose. But, do you know what? What I love more is when those kids, those

athletes walk off the floor or court or field and Ive made a positive difference in

their lives.

The reason I bring this up is, because I know so many athletes who had a

great season, who had a great year, had a great career all the way through high

school or college. And now theyre in the real world and they dont know how to

cope with reality, they dont have the strategies to make themselves better, to

make them realize that they can do whatever they put their mind to. And these

strategies in this book, if you want to teach your athletes, can enrich their lives

and give them the opportunities that most coaches cant do for their kids. Giving

your players life strategies for success, happiness, and reason for personal

self belief is the #1 gift you can give your athletes.

So one of the things before we go onto the next chapter- and I pause here
and get started with this whole system and implementing the system so that you
can get whatever you want out of this- is that, you know, I want to thank you for
taking the time if youre one of those people that are out there working hard for
young or adult athletes to make them better and make yourself better, because I
think thats what its all about. And thats all Ive got to say about that for now.
(Thanks Forrest Gump)
 Chapter 1B
Beware of the Expert Who Yells In Anger At You,
While Teaching You To Manage Your Emotional State!

The most important skill, in my mind, to enjoying your life and achieving
whatever it is you want, is learning how master your own emotional state. As a
coach, you have a huge responsibility, because you need to make decisions for a
lot of people and these people depend on you.

Now, the truth is, we need to make decisions quickly, confidently, and with
certainty, even if we dont feel any of those things. If we are wrong, we need to
adjust faster than everyone else and move on to the next decision.

Here is the funniest thing: Most teams mirror the personality and attitude
of their coach. Wouldnt you agree with that?

So what that means is that if you are high strung, have a poor strategy for
handling criticism, tough situations, and pressure, then your team will probably
do those same things.

Your team in some way is like a bunch of little kids, for some of you they literally
are, and they are looking for ways to talk to the officials, handle mistakes. What
to do after Victory! What to do after Defeat! Etc. Etc..

And guess what: All eyes are on you!

Now, personally, I like that. I like when they are looking at me, because I am
confident enough that I will behave with confidence, self-respect, and show
respect to the other team- Even if I dont feel like it.
 So, here are a couple keys of becoming a master of your emotional state.
Like everything else in this system. I hope you look at it from 2 perspectives. How
you can first apply it to yourself, and then secondly how you will apply it to your
team!

Here it is!
The first way to master your focus is by managing your physiology.
Physiology is a big word for body posture and/or the nutrients you put in your
body. Im not going to talk about nutrition in this book, but its obvious that a
person who is not dehydrated and takes care of his body is more likely to be
more effective his body is fueled up and ready to go.

Another aspect of physiology is how you physically hold yourself your

posture.

And why is this important?

Because most people look at posture as being the effect of a persons
thoughts and emotions.

If I have negative thoughts my body will slouch over and I will feel bad.

I can control my thoughts by learning how to manage my physiology.

In other words, our thoughts, physiology, images, and emotional
state are all linked! When we change one, we change them
all.
The fastest way to change how you feel is to change your physiology.

For example, if you were depressed how would you be sitting or standing?
Where would your head be tilted up or slightly down?
Would your shoulders be shrugged or up and back? Would your breathing be full
and vibrant or dull and shallow?

Describing how depressed looks is easy. If you were depressed, your

movements would be slower. You may drag your feet.

How were we able to answer all of these questions? Because there is no secret
to what knowing what depressed looks like. We recognize the emotion because
weve all been there before. The real secret is recognizing the fact that we can
control how we want to feel using our physiology.

Lets look at the other side of emotions. If you were feeling successful, how
would you be standing? Where would your head and shoulders be? How would
your breathing be if you were totally and absolutely certain that you were going to
be successful? How would your physiology be if you were extremely confident
and persistent?

Your head would be up, shoulders back, your breathing would be vibrant and
healthy, and your movements would be made with purpose and certainty. Most
likely you would move more quickly. The key is noticing how you move and the
message you are sending across.

Could you have guessed these characteristics? Of course you could!

You are recognizing clues to your emotions. Having confidence is a skill in itself.
Being happy is a skill in itself and so is being depressed, upset, or angry. You
have to do certain things with your physiology, your language, your images, and
your beliefs about certain situations in order to fully feel a certain emotion.

Why is this Important?

First, in order to introduce these few keys to your team. You must see them
either doing them or not doing them. The first key to any type of change in
behavior is AWARENESS.

So, your teams first step is: becoming Aware of their physiology and the fact
they are in control of their own emotions!

Real Life Principle # 223:

We all have the same neurology. We are all wired the same way.
If I want to feel like a champion who do you think I should look at?
Champions! Then, I am going to put myself in their same physiology consistently
until my brain and neurology start firing off the same signals.

If I do this long enough and often enough, my system will get conditioned
to automatically being in an emotional state of confidence.

This is an emotional state that is consistent with the results that I want to attain.

Once you condition this feeling and focus into your body, then you wont have to
continually think about it. You will be confident, and your body/neurology will
become accustomed to being in this emotional state. On the flip side, people who
constant experience fear do the same thing they end up with different results.

Real Life Principle #224: Fearful people move their bodies differently than
confident people.

Their breathing is shallower. They say things to themselves that make them even
more afraid. They visualize themselves failing and wonder what will happen
when they do. The sad thing about this type of athlete is that they establish a
repeated pattern of behavior: see tough competition become afraid. This
behavior becomes conditioned.
These types of athletes may compete well and appear to be true competitors
against weaker opponents, but when they face a tough opponent, they get hurt,
make excuses, and often quit.

Why does that person perform at a high level against weaker teams, but
then struggle against tougher competition?

There are many reasons their focus, their beliefs about what they think will
happen and how they perform, their self-talk and language, the questions they
ask themselves, how they imagine the game, and often what physiology they put
themselves in!

Okay, Ed, so whats your point?

The first thing to change is your physiology. Practice this change by thinking of
something you fear. Then notice details how are you standing, breathing,
where is your head, how did you position your shoulders, what are you doing with
your hands?

Some people put their arms close to their side and rub their thumb and index
finger together. Their faces become firm and rigid.

Now change your physiology.

Put your shoulders back, head up, look up at the ceiling, put a smile on your
face, stand balanced, take a deep breath, shake your body whatever it takes.
Try it again.
Do you see how once you change your physiology your feelings instantly shift? If
theyve only shifted slightly, put a bigger smile on your face and hold your head
up!

We just practiced a dramatic shift in physiology. The truth is you dont need to
shift that much every time. By simply looking up, your feelings may shift. When
your eyes access that part of your brain, your body cannot access negative
feelings.

Also, when you move your shoulders or take a deep breath, your
body/physiology sends new messages to the brain about how you want to feel.
You can do this with any emotion. Over time, you may find that you no longer
experience old emotions that you initially wanted to change.

How to apply Physiology with your team.

Teach this concept to them the way you understand it. When I do
workshops with teams, Ill give them the exercise to write out when they
are to use these focusing and mental toughness strategies.

Its always so ironic, that they all say something similar to:
When I shank a pass, I can then put my shoulders back
When I say something negative to myself
When kick goes to far .
After I strike out
After I lost the race, and I need to get ready for the next one!
When I am tired.
When I am angry, sad, mad, depressed, etc.

While these are great places to use them, and your players must use them then,
or theyll be in trouble. However, what do you notice all these places have in
common?

Yes, they are all after mistakes, losing, or something negative.

The best time to use these skills is before any of this stuff happens.
Because it will then prevent a lot of unnecessary headaches, mistakes,
unresourceful, emotions, and since your performance level is directly related to
the emotional state that you are in any given moment, then this is the #1 KEY
FOR PEAK PERFORMANCE!

Real life Rule#235: Your performance level is directly related to the

emotional state that you are in any given moment,

Exercise: Physiology Swish

Yes, you can use this to correct how you respond to any event. Be creative!
Here is the Swish Exercise

Step 1. Think of a time when you felt a powerful emotional state.

Close your eyes and visualize it, bringing all the good feelings back.
Then, squeeze your fist. Take a few minutes to do this one step. Its probably the
most important step.

Step 2. Take one step either to the side or back from the spot on the floor where
you felt confident. Think now of a time where you started to go into an
unresourceful emotional state.

Step 3. Leave both spots on the floor and shake your body out, so your feelings
are neutral.
Step 4. You are going to step into the spot of the unresourceful state.
Once you begin to feel the negative emotional state, step back into the
resourceful state, change your physiology, take a deep breath, and say aloud (or
inside your head), YES!

Put a smile on your face and really get those powerful feelings back! Redo the
exercise 10-15 times, every time spending less time in the unresourceful state.

Step 5. Step to the resourceful state spot and imagine yourself in a similar
situation where you used to feel unresourceful. This time see yourself with the
new resources, physiology, and feelings, performing at your best!

Heres a replay of what weve done: (1) Think of the unresourceful state. Really
feel those feelings.
(2) Move and GO. Step out, change your physiology, take a deep breath, put a
smile on your face and mentally say, Yes! Notice how you changed how you
feel.
(3) Shake out.
(4) Change from unresourceful to resourceful. Yes!
(5) Envision future situations.

Step 6: Turn to the spot where you used to feel unresourceful and say aloud,
Over there I used to feel unresourceful {or the emotion you used to feel, like
afraid.}

Over there I used to be afraid! Then step into that spot, maintaining your
powerful physiology, put a smile on your face and say aloud in a mickey mouse
tonality, Right here I used to be afraid!

Step out of the circle and do it again. Over there I used to be afraid! Step back
in the circle and say, Right here, I used to be afraid! Step out again, and notice
when you think of the old emotion, your feeling has changed to neutral. This puts
you into a powerful emotional state you feel better!

Now you know that when you feel afraid, you can overcome the feeling and
become excited and aggressive.
Put your physiology into position, use the language, see yourself doing it,
and create the beliefs to support yourself!

In order to condition this new skill of using your physiology, write down three to
five emotions that you want change. Often these occur when you are performing
or getting ready to perform. Some examples are depression, anxiety, worry, fear,
and unbearable nervousness.

Great job on your first exercise!

I cannot stress enough the importance of actually doing these exercises!

As a coach, I highly recommend doing this with yourself first then with the team.
You cannot understand this fully logically until you experience it emotionally.

Most of these strategies are emotion drive and are learned through
experience, not theory.

Its like going to a concert. People say, How was the concert? You can tell them
all about it, but they cant get the feelings you experienced, because they just
werent there!

Remember modeling what you want your athletes or child to learn is the best
way of teaching.
 Chapter 2
Creating A Powerful Team Belief System!

Power of Team Belief

When I work with athletes and coaches. I hear coaches say to their
players, you just have to believe in yourself. While this is true, this same player
will go home and tell their parents, I just need to believe in myself more. So,
what may seem obvious to both you as the coach, and your players, does not
mean they now understand how to believe in themselves more.
Here are a few ideas that you may consider using with your own team. My
goal here is to go beyond theory and show you how to covertly and overtly create
a positive, empowering belief system within your team.

First, what are beliefs?

Simply put: Beliefs are learned feelings of certainty, based on past experiences,
references, or what someone told you. For example, if you believe you are a
good coach. The only way you know that, is because you have some references
in your past that validate your belief. Someone may have told you, Youre a
good coach. You see the look on your athletes face when they learn something
from you. People pat you on the back, or you have won championships or
awards.

Do you see how you have past experiences that validate your belief?

Second, what do beliefs do, and why are they so critical?

Its been said that we have over millions of bits of information coming at us
at every moment, and our brain filters out the information so that we stay sane.
George A. Miller said that we can only take in 7 +/- 2 chunks of information at
once. Your beliefs are a major part in filtering what information you focus on, and
what information pay more attention to.

For example, dont you have players on your team who think they can
learn any skill pretty quickly, and are ready to just go for it? At the same time,
there are players on your team who may be sitting there and complaining about
how they are going to struggle at this skill or drill, arent there?

Whats the difference?

The difference is that the players who are more willing to just get after it,
and give it their best shot have different belief systems than the ones that
hesitate, find excuses, and complain. Now, there are more things that go into this
obviously. For example, a players self talk, self image, and a few other things,
but if you change some of their beliefs, youll see the others aspects change as
well.

How to Instill Empowering Beliefs In Your Team!

One of the things that I do is look at ways to get my players to believe

positive and empowering things about themselves, their team as a unit, and their
capabilities. While I do not necessarily do these techniques or strategies in a step
by step format, my goal here is to give you some outline to begin with. After you
start doing it, then you can be creative and spontaneous with more experience.

Here is a step by step way of approaching this:

1. Set up a positive environment where they trust you, and are willing to grow
and learn
2. Identify limiting team beliefs and individual beliefs on your team
3. Create counter-examples to their belief, so it creates a new belief
4. Create opportunities to reinforce new beliefs, and past positive ones
5. Evaluate your progress, and go back to step 1.

Creating an Environment Where Failure Occurs But Doesnt Exist

The first step in teaching your players how to have a positive belief in
oneself and their teammates starts with the head coach and filters down. One of
the main things the coach can control is the environment he/she sets up, and
whether its okay to make mistakes or not.

For example, one of the beliefs that you may consider adopting is
Anything worth being good at, is worth doing poorly at first. The point behind
this belief is to allow athletes to make a ton of mistakes early on, and encourage
them to do so. But you must be giving them specific, positive feedback and teach
them how to do it correctly.

Think about it this way for a moment. How many times have you been
watching one of your games and one of your players keeps making the same
mistake over and over again. However, you did not realize that he/she was
struggling that much at the skill. Why? Because most likely they havent had
enough opportunities to make these mistakes in practice, get specific positive
feedback from you, and then keep re-adjusting while they improve.

The teams who are willing to make the most mistakes early on in a
season, and believe that they can learn from them, will have a faster
improvement rate than any of their competitors. My belief is that whether you win
or lose the big match. If you teach your athletes that approach to learning, they
will have much more self confidence and be able to take that skill into any area of
their lives. Plus, your team will be more likely to win the big match with this
approach than with any other.
 Back to Beliefs

If the environment is set up so that your team makes mistakes fast, learns
from them faster, and adjusts quicker than any other team, then the beliefs they
will have are:
I can learn very fast
I can correct my mistakes and improve quickly
I enjoy learning and practice is fun
My coach believes in my and I trust him/her
We are learning and growing faster than any other team in our
conference
And much more

To implement Step 1, simply look at the environment that you as a coach

have created. Are your players happy and excited to be there? Do they respond
well to you without or with very little complaint? Are they willing to make
mistakes, and eager to learn from them?

If the answer to all these things are yes, then congratulations. You are
doing a lot of great things. If not, then you may consider asking yourself what
kind of beliefs you want your players to have, and then look at the environment,
as just one way of influencing your players behavior and performance.

Enhancing the environment:

If you want to enhance the environment, there are some simple ways to
do this. But first, what I would recommend doing is, go visit a school or athletic
organization that is extremely successful, and has a ton of pride in every aspect
of their program.
Then simply observe what is on the walls. How they talk about their
teams, their players, each other. Some things to do for yourself is simply put
motivational signs on the walls of the locker rooms, in meeting rooms, in the gym,
on the field, on your scouting reports.
Ive seen some schools scouting reports (Mt. Carmel H.S., and Holy
Redeemer 8th grade football, being 2 that come to mind immediately) that are so
motivating, it made me want to play in the next game. Put quotes on them. Use
any medium that you can think of.
Why bother?
Well, besides the fact that you might think its just hype. The real reason
that motivational signs really work, is because it trains your players
internal dialogue and conditions their mindset.
For example, imagine with me for a moment. Your shortstop captain,
Kevin, is in the locker room getting his spikes on, hes sitting down, bending over,
and hes saying to himself, Man, I really dont feel like being here today. Were
going to do the same stuff we did yesterday. Johns going to mess up the double
play 5 out of 6 times. Terry cant throw the damn ball to second base without it
bouncing twice, and the team we play tomorrow sucks anyway, so whats the
point.
Kevin gets done tying his spikes, grabs his glove, and as he looks up and
heads for the door, there is a sign there he reads to himself, True Champions
Play Their Hearts Out Everyday Regardless Of How They Feel!
He ignores it slightly. Runs out the locker room, and at the end of the hall,
he reads another sign to himself, The Best Leaders Make Other People
Better Than They Think They Are
He gets to the top of the stairs, before running out to the field, and the
assistant coach hands him a scouting report of tomorrows game. At the top of the
scouting report, there is a small story the book, The Mental Game of Baseball
(H.A Dorfman, Karl Kuehl)
Years ago, Jim Frey was standing next to Hall of Famer Stan Musial
before a double header, on an extremely hot day. One of the teammates was
complaining about how they had to play a double header in the heat. Musial turns
to Frey, and says, Little guy, do you know what this double header means
today? It means Stanley has a chance to get 10 hits today. Ten hits!
While the other guy is griping, here is Musial thinking about how he can
get 10 hits. **No Matter Who We Play, The Greatest Expect Greatness From
Themselves Everyday!**
Now, Kevins negative thought patterns were interrupted 3 times in just a
couple minutes with some simple quotes. Everyone needs a little pick me up
once in a while. So, setting up the environment with signs, is just one way to
induce this.

Quick Hits:
1. Upbeat Music- this can work to change the pace of the daily grind, and
get people excited to practice. You can use this during practice or
before while your team is dressing or warming up.
2. Postive Languaging- Ill talk more about this later, but phrasing things
to your players about what want them to do, rather than so much on
what you dont want the to do. This keeps their energy focused on
proper execution, rather than worrying about making mistakes.
3. Team talks- every once in a while, share some stories with your team.
Think about where they are at, developmentally and emotionally, and
tell them stories of either yourself or someone else, and put in some of
the lessons you want them to understand. You may tell them the
lesson directly, or let the story sit in their heads, and allow the answer
to come to them when the time is right.
4. Speak only highly of your players to the general public. Never put
down, rip on, or criticize any of your players in front of people. When
speaking about a players limitation, attitude, or ability in a negative
way, it should only be done in the confines of your coaching staff. Or
directly to that person.
When being told directly to that person, I would recommend either
asking questions that allow them to come up with the answers or
gaining their permission to be straight-forward with them.
Individual Belief Systems!
All a collectively powerful belief system is, is a make up of many
individuals who have a positive self belief, and a positive trust in their teammates.
Here are 2 different types of beliefs that your players have.

1. Personal belief in oneself.

Beliefs are the filters to reality. For example, if you believe that you will make a
mistake when the first ball comes to you in a game, the chances are you will
make a mistake on the first ball. The reason is that your brain is a literal machine.
It accepts whatever you tell it, and then searches out ways to support this new
belief. In other words, your brain doesnt know what you can or cant do until you
tell it!

My theory is to tell my brain what I want it to think, so that it is supporting me on

my journey to perform at a high level consistently.

Can changing some of your beliefs about your performance make the difference
from where you are now to where you want to be? Absolutely!

So, heres the deal. If you want to have your team beat opponents that are bigger
and stronger, then the first step is getting them to believe that it is possible.

In your program you may want to create powerful beliefs in two areas.
First is your teams own personal belief about what they expect of themselves.
Athletes who expect the best are most likely to get the best. Athletes who expect
to fail will fail more often.

Hasnt it happened many times to you, where your team is playing a physically
bigger team, and they absolutely cant do anything, until they are already behind
in the game? Then your team plays excellent for the rest of the game. Say you
lose, your players will say things like, Next time, well play a lot tougher from the
beginning. We now believe we can do it

My thought is, Why wait?

For example, this past Nationals, my team opened up against Puerto Rico
the defending National Champions. I knew that we could beat them, because we
were physically stronger, but theyre experience level is incredible for such young
players. Plus, they play a different game than american style volleyball.

However, the biggest obstacle I was going to face was #1 Having my

players believe we could win, and #2. Having my players trust the coaching and
strategies, because the strategy to beat them was different than any other team
we played all year.

Well, we won the match in two games, and it was an exciting win for us.
What was great about winning that match was that it was my first time beating
the Puerto Rican team (Coqui). So, I my record was 1-1 against that club. But
this really helped out the following tournament when I was coaching my 16 &
unders, and we opened against them, lost. But later in a playoff, to see who
makes the top 12, we beat them.

Much of this had to do with my belief system, and that of the girls.

Ed, but what do you do if you havent beaten a top team before?

Great question! Part of it, is just making it up in your head. Then replay
that event over and over and over again. See what strategies you would use to
beat these type of teams. How would you need to train your kids? What
scenarios do you need to create? Who do you need to get to help you prepare
your team? Bigger faster people in the off season to scrimmage them?
To beat bigger, better, more experienced teams you need to look at a few things.

1. Size- Ask yourself, what advantages do we have as a smaller team?

Maybe its defense, attitude, fundamentals. Excellent fundamentals
can out play a big team with poor fundamentals anyday.

One of the best examples of this is in Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. This became popular,
because in the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championships) Royce Gracie, beat a
guy that weighed twice what Royce weighed, and was a lot more powerful.
However, if you ever get a chance to watch an excellent Ju-Jitsu fighter, they
can flow with their opponents energy and use it against them to knock them
out.

What it goes back to though, is that in martial arts, youll see a smaller guy
with phenomenal technique and guts, beat bigger, stronger, and more
powerful guys all the time. Your job as a coach is to look for the weaknesses
or create them in your opponent. Most importantly, believing that you can find
or create those weaknesses.

2. Speed- If this team is faster than you, what do you do? In Volleyball,
you can Serve Zone 5 or short to take the middle blockers out of the
play, and then double block the outside to trap the outside hitter?

In other sports, you then design your offensive and defensive gameplan to
counter act it, by taking the team out of their game. Containing their offense,
and maybe slowing down your offense so they cant get in any rhythm.

3. Talent- Okay- so this is the hardest thing to replicate, but tougher,

scrappier, more tenacious and aggressive teams beat more talented
teams all the time. So, 1 thing is to make your team as tough and as
 hard working as possible, while realizing that if you want to compete at
the highest level at your division, then you need to get some great
talent, and most importantly develop that talent.

Something I just read in Pat Rileys book, The Winner Within, which is
awesome. Is he talked about creating a Mission for your team. A mission that
is worth standing up for. Worth having the guts to take criticism for. Worth
laying your name and your reputation on the line for.

In order for you to beat more talented teams, you as the coach, must make a
statement of undoubted belief that your team can pull this off. And then give
them reasons why they can. Youll be amazed at what kind of energy and
untapped potential may be sitting in each on of your kids that is just waiting to
be given permission to be released!

4. Experience- If you dont have experience, get some or make it up. Go

out and play the best teams possible. Have your players visualize
relentlessly. These are the two best ways to make up for lack of
experience.

One thing that I recommend is if you have access to better athletes than your
own, or older more experienced athletes, find ways to get them playing
against your teams.

Also, when you run practices, make sure you are speeding the tempo up past
what your team will see in games, because they will learn how to react to that
speed, and it will allow things in games to seem a lot more natural when
playing tough competition!
 5. Strategy- Study, study, study. Read everything possible on strategies
of your sport. Be a master of ideas, and work the different strategies in
practice. Then make full decisions to work a strategy and have the guts
to know that you may fail. However, you will also send your team into
competition with a specific plan.

Also, train your team to switch strategies throughout the game. The
team that can adjust fastest will most likely win or have the best
chance of winning.

How you do this, is to look at all the things above, and ask yourself,
How would we respond if we were playing a team that was bigger than us?
Smaller than us? More experienced? Had better fundamentals?

Then in practice over time, you can subtly or quickly start implementing
strategies to counter-act each type of scenario.

Belief #2 Having a Positive belief about your own self-image, and how you
identify yourself. I have met excellent athletes who think they are losers, though
everyone else views them as talented, gifted, and inspiring.

These athletes eventually fall to pieces because their self-images are so

poor that inevitably they cant keep up their performance.

Your beliefs are the filters to your world. They are part of the equation that
creates your reality of what it is true for you. For example, if you are a coach,
havent you had athletes who you believed in more than they believed in
themselves? You probably saw potential in them that they didnt allow
themselves to see.
As an athlete or coach , I challenge you to begin daydreaming about how good
you are now.

Then, imagine yourself being 10% better!

If that was too easy, imagine yourself being 20% better!

The best athletes, business people, coaches, and the most successful people
look at life differently than the norm that is why they are not the norm.

They see things that others dont, because they are willing to look at what
limitations or opportunities for growth they currently have. They are gutsy, and
are willing to face the possibility of failure for the pursuit of something fantastic.
Ya know, I had a friend who told me a great story of how she was speaking at a
Fortune 500 company and was so nervous.

When she called up her mentor, Dottie Walters who is a super successful
speaker and business woman, and told her that she was afraid. Dotties
response was, GREAT!
If you arent scared out of your boots at least once every six months, you arent
stretching yourself enough!

So, ask yourself if you are reading this manual just to make your kids better, but
arent looking for areas for self-improvement. Most likely, if you are this far, you
are into this stuff, and continually open to new things, but I have to tell you, it
amazes me how many coaches hire me to do programs for their team, when the
real problem is with the coach.

Moving on.

How to be Mentally and Emotionally Tougher Than Your Competition!

The beliefs your team has will determine your team success, the teams actions,
their work ethic, and ultimately what can be achieved in all areas of their life.

Here are some beliefs that I suggest you incorporate into your life as an athlete
or coach:

#1 I am totally responsible for my own success or failure or If its to be, its

up to me! If you have this belief, you will take actions that put you in control of
your own life, your own emotions, and the decisions that you make. You wont
waste time blaming other people.

Sometimes things will happen that you cant control.

As a result, you will need to decide what you are going to do about them.

Most people fail because they are waiting for others to lead. People also fail
because they are afraid of failing and they blame everything on everyone else.
They should instead lay it on the line and give it their best shot.

I think you should take responsibility because you will be able to live with yourself
a lot better and get more rewards personally and emotionally. Others will enjoy
being around you more as well.

#2 If there is I way, I can find it!

This belief will keep your mind open and allow you to find answers and
strategies when other people cant. Also, when you are down, you wont give up,
because you know that you can find a way.

#3 Anything is possible.
 If youre going to stretch your limits, then you must put yourself in the
proper frame of mind look at things as if there are no limits. Remember that
new records are being broken every day.

Human beings are breaking barriers that were supposed to be impossible

look at McGwire and Sosa. Look at track stars and professional athletes.
Shoot for the moon, because if you miss, youll still be a star! As Michelangelo
said, Our greatest fear isnt that we set our sights too high and we miss it, but
that we set them too low and we reach them.
Heres an example of someone who took some of my information,
changed some of his thinking and got instant results:

Ed-Your information is absolutely incredible. It

helped me to learn so much about myself and what makes me
tick. I was able to get my mind focused and confident. Your
keys approach was excellently set out and I felt that this
really helped me to learn what it was I needed to do. Too
many books tell you what you should be doing but don't tell
you how to go about doing it. Your secrets is like a step by
step manual which was good because in new fields of interest
you need to be guided through the stages so you can get the
maximum benefit from it. Reading each page again I am
learning so much more, and feel that I can get it right far
more consistently if my mental toughness continues to
improve, and hopefully my running improves at the same rate.

I decided to read your book when I felt that I was

going a bit 'soft' mentally throughout my races. I was
training really well but it just wasn't coming together
during races. I had just finished a very stressful period at
University and found that I was a bit drained. But looking
at things from a different perspective helped me to realize
that these were things that really shouldn't bother me as
much as they did. I went from running a reasonable time in a
3000m race in my hometown of Adelaide, to a brilliant time
in Melbourne less than 2 weeks later. I dropped 18 seconds
on my time that I ran in Adelaide , and furthermore I
dropped 12 seconds off of my Personal Best. I was absolutely
thrilled.

This was a big race for me. Normally I really would not
enjoy the pressure of these big races and performed at an
average level, but this time I really enjoyed the trip to
Melbourne the lead up to the race and of course the feeling
of success after my race. If you were trying to figure out
where I live because of the towns I mentioned, well Ill
tell you. I live in South Australia and I am a 19-year-old
student. I have been running for about the last 4-5 years
and have really put a lot of effort into my running and I
have made a lot of sacrifices, but the results in races just
didnt equal my training.

By one of the guys I train with I have been referred to

as one of the worlds greatest trainers, but performing in
races just felt far more difficult. But this time I showed
them and I can tell you I feel so much better about myself,
my work with my coach, and I now have the confidence to go
as far as I can which is hopefully competing against your
nation in the Olympics. Why not anything is possible, what
makes those guys so superior to me, we all have two legs,
it's what's inside that really counts. Many people may feel
that I am dreaming, but this concerns me very little as I
have a goal, and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am
committed enough to have a real crack at it one day. Thank
you very much for making your secrets available to people
like myself, it is greatly appreciated. Your supporter, Adam
Didyk, World Class Runner, Australia
#4 I can fight back and win. This belief presupposes you are already behind,
but there are times that in competition you will be down. This is when this belief
will give you the competitive edge.

It puts you in the position of always having the resources to keep fighting back
and coming from behind. It doesnt matter who was winning most of the game. It
matters what the score is at the end of the game!

Creating a solid team belief in one another is critical. Heres one theory I use:
We make mistakes quickly and often, Adjust faster, and Improve faster than our
competition because of it!

Lets get rid of personal limiting beliefs that you may have. These beliefs may be
things like I am too slow, too fat, not talented enough, unable to hit as hard as
him or her, incapable of making the team. I dont make a difference, I always
strike out whatever else limits you.

#5. There is no such thing as failure, only outcomes and results.

In business, when we do a sales or marketing campaign, and the results
are poor. The campaign wasnt a failure, it was just testing. Because we then
take the information, tweak it, and try it again. Eventually well get it right, and the
results after all the mistakes are then going to outweigh the prior tests, which can
make a person extremely rich.

In sports, I apply this same concept by encouraging my teams to make a

ton of aggressive mistakes, because once the mistake is made we can move
forward regarding giving positive, specific feedback, and then going back to the
court and practicing.
 I see many coaches who get so upset when their kids make mistakes that
their players are so afraid to make mistakes, but that is exactly what occurs,
because that is where all the attention is going.

Remember this:

Where the Attention Goes, Energy Flows, and Results Show!

However, if you want to create an environment of trust, and teach your

athletes a lifelong skill that will make them extremely successful in relationships,
school, coaching, and life in general. Then this is one of the most important
beliefs to reinforce.

Belief #6: My behaviors are not attached to my value as a person.

I bring this belief in the picture, because many athletes and coaches
attach value to a person based on their performance. For example, if I am a
baseball pitcher, and I walk 5 batters in a row. As a pitcher, I may say, I am a
terrible pitcher.

However, that is not true. All that has occurred is I threw more bad pitches
than good pitches, and my pitching struggled today. But the worse thing an
athlete could do here, is generalize a 1 or 2 time type performance to all areas of
their past and future.

Also, as a coach, you need to find ways to give feedback based on the
players performance of the skills, and be specific. So if you were the coach of the
baseball pitcher who was struggling, you wouldnt say, Man, Eddie, you sure
suck as a pitcher.
 What may work more effectively is, Eddie, it seemed liked you werent
following through all the way. Well work on it, and get you back rocking again.
Stay up.

Now, that may be hard to do, or easy for you, but most importantly
however you phrase it, please remember that a players performance does not
equal their value as a person.
 Chapter 3
How To Break All The Rules And Win!

Last night I was talking to someone about relationships. Yes,

relationships. Now, I am no expert on relationships, dating, marriage, parenting,
or anything like that, so let me say that upfront.

So, there we are talking about relationships. The questions that were
brought up were: How long do two people need to be dating before they get
engaged?
How long should they be engaged for before they get married?
How long should they be married for before they have kids?

Since I like to stir up stimulating conversations. Im sitting there

with 7 other people. All of us are there with our girlfriend or boyfriend, and I
brought up the question of:
Okay, so, your husband wants you to do all the housework, instead of paying for
a house cleaner. However, your husband easily has the money to pay for the
housecleaner and you (or your wife) absolutely hate doing housework. The both
of you have different thoughts about what should occur. So, how do you solve
this problem?

Now, you gotta picture this scene. We are all out in the backyard sitting
around a fire drinking a few Miller Lites on a Friday night, and all of a sudden
everyone busted out their own opinions (or shall I say rules) about what was
supposed to happen. So, after fifteen minutes of arguing, and cojoling, I tried to
change the topic, and then my buddy Scott did something funny, so everyone
cooled down, and we talked about something else.

Now, I share this with you, because everyone who started arguing or
giving their own opinion had their rules about what was supposed to happen.
While that is good, these same rules, can be the things that are limiting you in
your own life in many different areas.

Anyhow, so we all have these rules about things. For example, regarding
marriage, engagement, house cleaners, renting, buying, etc. etc.. We all have
our own perspective about how things should be.

However, what I want you to look at is where you rules came from. Who
did you learn them from? Is that person credible? What qualifies that person to
tell you how to do something a certain way?

For example, if youve ever started your own business. I bet you can
remember how everyone from your parents to you neighbors cat named Fred,
came up to you and told you how to run your business.

If your are a head coach of a team, I bet you have the little tree house club
of parents who sit outside in the parking lot drinking before and after the matches
talking about what they would do with the team. Who they would start, and how
you should be running your team. (Sidenote: Im not criticizing these parents. My
players do this, and I think most of them are great people. Im just pointing out
what really goes on).

If you are a player, your friends tell you, you should be starting or playing
a certain position. Getting the ball more, or whatever other stuff theyll tell you to
stroke your ego, so you feel good, and think they are the best friends in the
whole world. However, make sure you arent confusing getting smoke blown up
your rear end for true friendship. While your in the other room, this same person
is telling the person your competing with on the team the same stuff.

This same statement goes for coaches, parents, athletes, and anyone
else who breathes.
 Ed, why are you telling me all these things I may not want to hear? you
ask.

Very simply. If you want to succeed in life, in sports, in relationships, or in

anything else in your life, you need to be able to break all the rules that have
been put on you from our society, teachers, coaches, friends, and anything else,
and take positive action towards what it is you want.

Thats right, I can sit here and tell you story after story of successful
people who created their own rules and went after their dreams when every
rational person told them that they were nuts, and shouldnt do that.

How to detect when others or yourself are putting rules on you!

If you here the words: should, shouldnt, can, cant, do, dont, will, wont
For example, someone may say, you should do xyz
Or you say to yourself, I shouldnt do xyz
Or I wont be able to do it
This is always, never, sometimes, rarely, like this.
Examples:
People who do that always fail. So will you
It will never work for you.
Sometimes it has worked, but not often.
I doubt it
Hed never go out with you.
I cant succeed, because no one in family has before me.

IF/Then Rules:

Many people create rules that start with the statement If and a finishing
statement of then.
If I work out, then I get stronger. (Thats a good rule to have)
If I eat too much, then Ill get fat.
He didnt look at me, so that means hes mad at me. (if/then is embedded in that
statement)

Rules Busters:

Okay, so now, you will start seeing how people create their own rules, but now
here are a few strategies for cutting through the fluff!

When you hear statements like the above statements, you need to ask questions
to get to the truth behind the fluff that they are giving you.

Statement: You should workout 5 times a week, and eat this kind of diet.
You ask: Im curious, how do you know that will work? According to whom?

Statement: You cant have a perfect game ever!

You can say: How do you know? What would happen if I did?

Statement: If coach sits me on the bench, then that means he favors her over
you.
You can say: How do you know that? So, if you play over her then that means
he likes you better than her?

Statement: Everyone on the team is mad at me.

You can say: How do you know? Who specifically is mad at you? What
specifically did they say?

Statement: Whenever it gets to crunch time, I choke?

You can say: How do you know that to be true? When specifically did this
happen?
(usually theyll have 1 or 2 events)

Then you can say, So, out of 100 times of playing your sport, you choked once
or twice.
Wow, thats pretty impressive considering Michael Jordan has missed over 26
last second shots that couldve won the game. Is Michael Jordan a loser? (No)
Then maybe you choking at those moments really wasnt choking, but you
becoming more experienced so that in the future youll be more likely to succeed,
wont you?

(Here I use a counter example, plus I reframe her belief around choking. Then I
future pace it. Pretty eloquent, isnt is?)

When people put rules of limitation on themselves, you can enhance their model
of the world by using the questions: What would happen if you did it anyway?
Limitations could be: I cant be aggressive I probably wont win
I wont be able to go to college on a scholarship
Boys dont like me, and would never date me

When you ask: What would happen if you did? It allows the person to go
through in their mind a series of internal representations that go pass their
challenge or limitation. This can help them instantly, because theyve never
thought about it in this way before.

Also, the process above is used to get a persons internal reality strategy, then
enhance it.
So, the first question is usually How do you know?

Then you can ask questions like:

Who specifically?
According to whom?
How often?
Always? When specifically? (when someone says, X is always Y)
Never? Hasnt there ever been 1 time where a = b?
(When someone says, I never can do anything right?)
I love this one, because Ill say, Never? Who tied your shoes this morning?
Didnt you walk here? Did you graduate kindergarten yet?
Usually the person, will go, Yeah
Then Ill explain how our brains like to delete and generalize stuff, so when you
say Always or never you are really not telling the truth.

When assisting your athletes in changing their beliefs, you need to create
counter examples of what they think about themselves. If someone says, Im
lazy.
You may set up a scenario where the only way they can get through it, is
to display non-lazy (aggressive) behaviors, then point it out to them, through a
reward, compliment, or have another coach acknowledge it.

Well, thats enough on this stuff. What I would recommend is going to a

party, or some kind of function and say these questions to yourself internally.
Practice this a lot, and you may soon find that you are thinking this way faster
than ever before.

I mean, think about it. All your friends and colleagues have these conjured
up rules about the way things are supposed to be. Now, you can use these
questions with yourself to open up your model of the world so that you have more
options than others. Hmmmmm.. Cool thought isnt it.
 Last point. Use these questions with softeners and with care. Say phrase,
Im curious or I wonder.. before you ask the question. This way people wont
feel defensive toward you.

Like my friends who were out drinking. I sometime will ask these questions
to elicit peoples rules if Im bored, however, people usually lay them out in every
other sentence they say, so practicing isnt too hard.

I recommend doing it in your head with yourself, and with your players
first. Then use your best judgement on when to use it with others. Lets face it,
some people dont really care what you or I have to say.

The difference is, we get to make up how we want to feel about what we say or
they say. Thats what I mean, when I say, Break All The Rules and Succeed!
 Chapter 4: How to Gain Rapport Instantly
With Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime!
People dont care how much you know until they know how much you
care!

When dealing with players, co-coaches, and people in general , I have found
that the most important part of motivating, influencing, and leading them is to be
in rapport with them.

Rapport is gained when they feel comfortable with you, have a certain level of
trust, and respect in you.

Here is the key on why this is important!

I see so many coaches with the some of the best skills, a ton of knowledge, but
cant communicate it or do not have rapport with their players or teams.
Everyday, I get emails from coaches asking for help on how to motivate or
influence a player that they just cannot seem to get along with.

For you, you may be thinking, Well, Ed, I have rapport with most of my team and
they respect me. If that is the case, Im glad. However, I want you to think of that
1 kid on your team or the couple kids every year who you just dont seem to
connect with. With the strategies I am going to share in just a moment, I
absolutely guarantee that if used correctly, you will be able to connect and
influence every player you have on your team.

One thing I know about people is that People Like People Like Themselves!
Along the same lines, People Dont Like People That Are Not Like
Themselves!
I have a quick question for you: What is the most common way you try and gain
rapport or find out what you have in common with your players?

If you are like most people, you probably talk to them and try and find a
topic that you both can talk about, right? While that is a good strategy, the
problem with using just that one strategy is that you are limiting yourself in
a big way. Then if what you try and talk about doesnt work, havent you
ever found yourself searching for things to say?

A long time ago, there was a study that said that Words made up only 7% of
communication. Your tonality makes up 38% of whats being communicated,
while your physiology communicates 55% of your meaning.

Words 7%
Tonality 38%
Physiology 55%

What This Means To You!

Since words and how you use your words is only 7% of communication, then we
have to find other ways of gaining rapport. The key to gaining rapport with
anyone almost instantly is to do something called Matching & Mirroring

One of the best strategies when I meet people to gain rapport with
them is match and mirror. All matching and mirroring is putting matching
your body, your tonality, and using gestures that mirror the other persons.

For example, when I meet someone and they have one hand in their
pocket, they are to one side. I might walk up, and put myself in a very similar
body position. Then put my hand in my pocket.
 Now, if someone is using a lot of hand gestures. Ill use similar gestures.

Also, I listen to the speed of their phrases. The volume of their phrases,
and Ill pay special attention to their tempo and the structure of their sentences.
Then when talking to them. Ill speak in almost exactly the same tonality, speed,
use the same pauses, and structure of their sentences.

A couple other quick tips. Listen closely to the types of words they use
when describing things. This will tell you whether they are a more visual,
auditory, or kinesthetic learner. Then you can use similar predicates to match
their reality.

I can go really in depth about this subject and get really specific, but the
truth is, you dont need to know every detail to use it. In fact, I think knowing too
much holds people back from taking action and using what they know.

If you simply start matching peoples body positions, and matching the way
they speak, youll notice people will feel more comfortable around you.

Also, a way to test this, is just to go to a family party or some social

gathering, and simply watch the different body postures people hold. Then listen
to the different tonalities of people. Youll notice there is a wide range of
communication styles. Then all you do, is mirror the way they communicate back
to them(dont mimmick them, just be very similar to them), and youll see how
people will love talking to you and being around you.

Then go out and practice gaining rapport with people every where you go.

OH! I almost forgot. One of the best ways to get instant rapport, is to look
at the persons breathing rate. Then slowly, covertly start breathing at the same
level. Youll see and feel instant rapport occur immediately.

Now, what if it doesnt happen exactly as planned the first time? Great!
Keep working at it.

Remember, the quality of your communication is directly related to the

response you get! So, keep trying things until you get the results!
 Chapter 5
HOW TO ACCELERATE THE LEARNING ABILITY
OF YOUR ATHLETES SO THAT ITS TRANSFERABLE
OVER TO COMPETITION

Just recently I had a coach e-mail me about, hes having a hard time

getting his athletes to perform a certain skill effectively in game situations. And I

e-mailed him back and asked him the question of Well, you know, who are some

effective teams in the country who are doing that?

And he had a lot of good points. One was, he gave me a list of some

other college coaches and teams that always have good squads. So my thought

right away is, number one, my first thought is well Im going to go and see what

theyre doing.

The second thing he said, which does make a lot of sense, he said,

Well, I dont know if its so much what theyre doing with their practices and their

organization or the skill sets they teach or is let alone just talent. Natural talent,

size, and strength is what they have. Good points.

This also brought me up to another thing. I have a brother who coaches

football and one of the things that Ive been doing is watching football teams and

how they structure and set up, how they set up their practices and games and

how they prepare their players. Because one of the things that I want to know is

every single sport and every single thing a coach does thats effective in one

sport is transferable to your sport.

So whether its tennis, football, swimming, it doesnt matter because a lot

of the same principals apply, actually all the same principals apply almost to

every single sport. The differences you might have is whether its an individual

sport verses a team sport but thats just a dynamic principal of how you set up
and the context. But it really is transferable of preparing your athletes and

making sure that their skill sets can transfer over from practice to games, its all

the same concepts.

Now some of the things that I want to look at right away, and this is some

things you need to look at or, you know, you can consider looking at with your

own teams is, number one, is, the first thing I look at is Are we teaching them

the correct technique?

So thats the first thing youve got to look at with the skills and its such a

simple thing to look at is, What are the top programs or top coaches in your field

teaching their athletes that is working? And then the next question you need to

look at is is that technique, skill set that theyre teaching transferable to your

system?

Because theres a lot of things that, you know, if youre teaching a, for

example, in volleyball if you were going to go and teach an Oriental style of

defense to American women or men, you might have some challenges for the

number one reason, the physiology of these people and the make-up of their

bodies are different. So while some of those principals that you can get from the

Oriental style can transfer over, they might not be as effective because maybe

youre not utilizing the American power, strength and stuff like that that a lot of

the American women or Russian women or some of these bigger women or men

from different countries would have. Does that make sense? So thats the first

thing youve got to look at.

Okay, so the first thing is skill set, technique and then does the technique

fit within the context of your system. Big thing to look at there.

An example in football is a team that is trying to run an option offense

when their quarterback is slower, not as agile, but has a great throwing arm. If a

coach isnt flexible in changing his system, or is willing to find a different type of
quarterback, Then the whole team will struggle.

The second thing is, Are you training enough and getting enough amount

of repetitions per practice, per series of practices. So, you know, Are you

practicing enough? Are you focusing enough on that skill set that youre trying to

transfer over?

A good example is this. A football player who runs the option or runs any

kind of footwork in plays, he needs to drill set and he has to drill and go through

his footwork over and over and over again the same way a third baseman needs

to go through time after time of fielding a ground ball and throwing the ball to

second base, fielding a ground ball, throwing the ball to first, third, you know,

running to the base then throwing it to first.

He needs to go over those things a thousand times in a row. Now the

next question is in repetitions. Then the next questions youve got to ask yourself

is are you doing enough contextual repetitions so that youre in game like

situations.

The same environments created, the same, you know, youre not getting

it from a coach, like for a third baseman, youre not getting it from, the only time

you ever see a ball is when the coach hits a ball at you that he throws up in front

of him with a wooden bat forty feet away or ninety feet away. Thats not the best

way of learning.

The best type of stuff is if you could probably get, see Im not even a

baseball coach but, you know, just from thinking about how would I go about it, is

if you could get a pitcher and a baseball player and having a guy who can control

the ball and hit it down to third base from a live pitcher over and over and over

again, and then having him to turn the double play or tag third base or throw the

ball to first. Thats more contextual, more game-like.

 So many coaches do not get this point! Or are clueless about it. Or are

just too lazy!

They drill and they drill and they drill and they have great drills but they do

not combine and link skill to skill. So, you know, in baseball- third base, well go

with this example again- guys looking at home, hes sitting there at third base

looking at the batter at home, watching the pitcher take the wind-up (out of his

peripheral vision), then watching the swing and watching the ball come off the bat

and then making his movement. Those are a chain of events! Maybe six or

seven events that happen in a millisecond.

What has to happen then is in training hes got to be able to see all those

things over and over and over again, because if you leave one part out of it well

then, you know, youre missing a step there and the brain and the body wont

move together as fluidly as is possible.

And that comes back to just some of the simple processes or just the

simple basics of chunking information so that when youre teaching certain skills

you want to do a couple things.

You want to chunk the parts of the skill down but you also want to create a

context where they have to go through the whole process of learning them. And

if, say theres three basic parts to learning one skill, you chunk down those skills

and you teach those techniques, but then you have to put them in situations

where theyve got to get all the chunks together.

So, for example, like in golfing or something like that, theres so many

small intricacies to doing just a regular golf swing and so what you might work

with is. Like foot position and body stance. Where your heads at. Where your

backs at, and how you bend your legs. Hand positions. How to keep one arm

straight or how to position your left arm or your right arm and also how to bring

back your club and how to bring the club forward. How to use your hips. How not
to use your hips and how to follow through.

Thats approximately eight different steps. However, one of the things that

a good instructor would do is teach chunk by chunk, but then also put them

through a process where theyre using all keys simultaneously.

Now like in volleyball its really simple. You start with maybe footwork,

platform and, how they use their body. And then you introduce a ball. You might

just work with footwork first, then introduce the ball, then introduce a ball so that

they pass and then they have to move. And then theyve got to see the ball,

where its coming from, then different directions. And so youre chunking all

those skills. So thats just really basic chunking stuff, and breaking down skills so

it is easy to learn.

Something I do a lot with my teams is put them in, if I wanted to work on

say five or say three critical skills during a week of practice, Ill put them in some

team drills (first) where were working on all three skills simultaneously and then
I chunk backwards.

So, Ill start a major chunk of information and so Im working on multiple

levels at once but they dont know that though. See, thats the trick, is if they

dont know that Im doing all these things than it kind of allows them to just go
through the drill and they dont realize that Eds watching every single move they

make. And then what I do is backtrack and then, do a small chunk at a time and

then lead them back up into the large drill again and then notice the difference

after weve made a few little changes here and there.

Getting Team Buy In!

Now, there is another reason to do this type of training, where you have

them do Team drills first, then back track. Havent you ever tried to explain to

your team something that you guys need to work on, and they either dont agree
or dont want to work on it? Of course you have!

Or have you ever had a player on your team disagree with the mistakes

that you see they are making, but they dont believe it. Well, this is the best

strategy youll ever have!

In your mind, think of the skill(s) you want to work on with your team,

and/or show that arent working. Then, you put your team, in the situations where

a certain athlete is lagging, or the whole team is. Then you set up the scenario to

expose the mistakes. So, in other words, you are setting up the team to fail(for

example: lose 5 out of 7 plays).

You can do this by telling the defense or offense, what the other team is

running. You can speed up the ball. Number of balls. Number of opponents. You

get to be creative here.

Then after you do this with the team. You can ask them, What do you all

notice is going on here? If done correctly, they should be giving you the answers

that you were going to tell them. Now, they just bought in to what the problems

are.

Now, you can either back track, and go and work on smaller chunks of the

skill. Then chunk back up later to a team drill. Or, you can just put them back in

the team drill, and this time, set them up for success.

Now, this method is great for teaching new skills too. For example, have

you ever told your team that you are going to learn a certain skill, and they all are

like Oh no! All at the same time. Well, thats because they all have certain

associations about the skill your introducing.

So, for me, if Im going to teach a certain skill that I know they arent going

to like, then I may start a drill about what they need to do. Then backtrack after

theyre already warmed up, and working hard. Then I introduce the skill. This

works brilliantly, because they cant fight you in learning this skill, they already
are.

Also, theyll enjoy your practices a lot more, because they are constantly

learning and there is never a dull moment. I got this concept from doing camps

for teenagers where wed teach them accelerated learning, memory techniques,

lifeskills, etc.. One of the things, we would do, is teach them the lessons before

they ever knew they were learning. So, they had an experience. This can be

done through stories, metaphors, skits, physical movements, dances, and so

much more.

Then after that we would tell them what they just learned. So, all the kids

would be like, Oh, no way! When learning this way, it is a lot more fun!

This is called, Experience before Label!

In other words, put your athletes through the experience of learning then,

tell them what they just learned!

Pretty Cool Stuff, eh?

So back to my point of- so that was just a little bit about chunking and

implementing basic learning skills, and making learning fun and exciting

everyday for your athletes.

Transferring Skills Into Game Situations

The next part though is of transferring over skills into game situations is setting

up the setting in your gym or on your field of where your athletes are put into the

same emotional states that theyre going to be in, during your performances.

You can practice passing a soccer ball across the field or you can practice

catching a football, you can practice fielding ground balls all you want if youre

relaxed and having fun in a setting, you know, at practice, if you do really well in
practice.

Then the moment that the game starts and all of a sudden youre nervous,

youre tense, youre in new situations, your emotional states different. Well,

youre going to make a lot more mistakes and your brain isnt going to access all

the resources that it can during practice because of the emotional state and, you

know, your performance is emotional state driven. So if its emotional state

driven then one of the things that you need to do as a coach is elicit and induce

the emotional state you want your athletes to be in and then put them through

situations.

Now what do you mean by that, Ed?

Well a couple of things is, something that I learned a long time ago and

this was actually, I attribute this to Anson Durance who was one of the most

successful NCAA womens soccer coaches of all time. You know, he coached

Mia Hamm, North Carolina University I think four, like five or six or seven or

eight, NCAA championships in a row.

Anyhow, what he did and what a lot of this comes from is every single

thing he did, he kept track of the statistics of every single, almost every single

drill he did in practice. And every single drill in practice was done with the idea

that, everything had competition in mind so that, its one on one, group on group.

And his whole thing was, what he believed was that our society doesnt teach

enough females enough to compete and to be ruthless and brutal in those

circumstances.

Now I dont mean that in a negative way, I mean that in a great way. Being

ruthless and brutal, meaning that you go for your result and you do what youve

got to do to get your result. (Of course with integrity and ethics and all that other

crap. Thats a given here, okay, so dont even bring that up.)

So he had that belief, and he did, I mean, he trained these girls to be

phenomenal competitors. And, you know, if youve watched some of those

athletes and you watch our US womens soccer team who won the world cup a

few years back verses China, you know, Brandy Chastain, Mia Hamm, all those

ladies, they are fierce, man, and they all wanted to be the best in everything they

do.

So one of the things you can always do if you have the resources is make

it so that everything they do theyre competing against each other. That is at least

one thing you can do!

One thing we did in college, my coach, Coach Sullivan from Springfield

University now, (but was back in Marycrest). He would record things we did in

practice, who would beat who and, you know, outside hitter verses outside hitter

game. And who was passing better and he had statistics on it.

So, we had a lot to compete for and it made us work our butts off every

practice. Now, thats one way to induce state in your team. You have them

compete as much as possible against one another!

Second thing is, one of the things that Ill do a lot with my teams is Ill

sometimes increase the speed to such a point that theyre almost bound to fail.

And what I mean by that is, I mean, of course I want my kids to succeed, thats

my end result.

But what I want to do is put them through a situation where they are

almost likely to fail in the drill early on. Because I want them frustrated, I want

them upset, and I want them angry at the circumstances because, wouldnt you

agree, that in competition theres going to be many times where your athletes are

sitting there at their wits end because a ref made a call, an official made a call,

you pulled them out of the game, they made a mistake, their teammate made a

mistake, the opponent said something to them, the fans are heckling them and

theyre pissed and theyre thinking, you know what, this is ridiculous, blah, blah,
blah and theyre angry, theyre upset and theyre frustrated.

So in practice Ive got to have the guts to take the risk of putting them

through those type of emotional states so that when they see them(the same

situations, and emotional states) in competition, they can respond with power

and confidence rather than, Oh no, this has never happened before. Does that

make sense?

Now one distinction here- okay, so theres a couple distinctions. Number

one is everything that I do, so when I piss them off or when I frustrate them,

theyre not mad at me necessarily, theyre mad at the circumstances. Now

maybe one or two of the kids will get upset at me once in a while and thats okay

too, because isnt that really going to happen in games?

Yes, theyre going to get mad at you if you push them and expect them to

go beyond things but you have to have the guts to be a leader in that way. Now,

theres a couple things here. Number one, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever

degrade them or put them down personally. Never!

Thats a number one rule with me. So they know that if anything, if I ever

get mad about certain things its about the behavior or the skill or the lack of
execution or something and they can improve those things.
If you ever attack someone personally, youre going to have troubles. First

of all, you shouldnt do it because thats just stupid. What will happen is their

whole belief system in you and the trust in the organization that youre trying to

build it just went out the window with that. So thats one thing. So one of the

keys here, that I went over and I want you to get this before we go any further

is, Number one!

You can set up a context in which the stress and the frustration and the

anger happens no matter what, or just happens because of the competition level.

You could mess with the points a bit, you could create punishments if they dont
do well, you can create rewards if they do well, and those are all things that will

induce stress.

Like I remember when we were playing, preparing in college, one of the

things my coach would do is hed say, okay, score is thirteen-thirteen, or like

twelve-twelve going up to fifteen, were playing rally score and losers do a 100

push-ups.

Now my God, I mean, thats where you get to see whose got the guts and

whose got the cahonaes to stick in there and be like, Okay, give the ball, lets do

it!

And Ill tell you, man, most people when theyre put in a situation like that

theyll sigh and go, Oh no. Do you know what Im talking about? Theyll be

sitting there and theyll be like, Oh, this is ridiculous! What kind of crap is that

coach?

Well, you know, thats the first thing I want to see with my kids so I put

them in these situations. Which ones do that crap? You know, which ones are

sitting there going, Oh man, this isnt what I want. This is unfair?

I mean, those are the kids that, man, when the game is on the line, theyre

the ones who are bailing out on you, you know, and youve got to know that stuff.

And thats exactly when you can call them on it.

Be like, Look John, I notice that when I put you in this situation, its

thirteen-thirteen and youve got a hundred push-ups to do if you lose, youre the

first one complaining before we even start the game. Whats up with that?

And John can start looking at his own things. He may say, Well, I dont

think its fair.

You know what, John, life isnt fair. So, you know, are you a competitor

or are you someone who wants rewards without the hard work and the hustle

and all the other stuff?

 And you know what? Youll find your athletes who have the guts, you

know, rip them apart, and theyre ready to step up and run through a wall for you.

These are also the people who, say if they won fifteen-thirteen or fifteen-

twelve after that because some buster made a mistake three times in a row,

theyre the ones doing push-ups with the team who lost because they can!

Because they have the guts. Because they have the attitude of a champion.

Because theyre one of the people who say, You know what? Fine, we beat

you, but guess what? You know, were ready to rock and roll and I want to be

just as strong as you. Im not letting you get a hundred extra push-ups in.

And thats kind of the attitude that Im talking about creating and heres

some of the ways of doing it. So one of the ways is to put them in that

competition tough spot.

Second thing is increase the speed. Youve got to increase the speed,

increase the different circumstances, create new circumstances, put them up

against opponents that are much better than them. Thats one of the fastest

ways to teach young athletes how to speed up their reflexes and see real life

competition in any sport.

Real life competition, do you know what I mean? You know, one of the

best things for any kid is to, when I grew up, I grew up with my older brothers and

sisters and we would sit outside and play basketball and play sports. And then

as I grew older it was me and my sister outside playing volleyball all the time.

But so many of these kids dont have it as much, you know, if they dont come

from big families or if they dont have neighbors and stuff they dont get to play all

these things.
One of the best things you could ever do is get whatever age group, you
know, think about it, whatever age group and put them in a circumstance with
older, more experienced, smarter athletes. And what will happen is theyll have
to learn and adjust in some amazing ways just to keep up with these new
athletes and theyll learn things, be smarter players.
 Chapter 6
The Ultimate Motivation Strategy!

The key to making sure with absolute certainty that your team never loses
to a team that you are much better than!

The best solution ever developed to get your players motivated, excited,
and tenacious no matter who you are playing!

Just a while back, my team was getting ready to go into a match that we
had beaten many times before. Usually as a coach, I will watch my team to make
sure that we are preparing correctly, but before this match I was working with one
of my other teams and came over just 10 minutes before we were to start our
warm-ups.

When I got over to the court, 3 of my players were standing, moving a bit,
while the rest were either lying on the ground or sitting there. Now, I dont know if
you can see what is wrong with this situation, but seeing my team like this
frustrated me more than anything.

Why you may be thinking?

There is no way the body can go from a state of complete relaxation to a

state of tenacious aggressiveness in just a few minutes of jogging around. In
other words, we were going into the match unprepared, and once the other team
got a lead early in the first game, there was no catching up for us.

We lost to a team that we usually beat! What was worse about this was
that this was during a National Qualifier, and made our trip to qualifying a lot
harder!
 So as I was sitting there after the match, frustrated, angry, but mostly
disappointed in myself and in my team. Something hit me that I had never
thought of in such a way before.

How come I as the coach am always able to get motivated to get them warming
up, regardless of whom we are playing?

How come players can get so motivated before a tough match, but seem so lazy
before a match against weaker competition?

Years ago, Maxwell Malz, founder of Psycho-Cybernetics came up with

Real World Principle #499: It says that all human behavior is motivated by
either Pain or Pleasure.

In other words, everything we do is either to move toward having more joy,

fun, satisfaction, love, and other pleasurable things. Or we are moving away from
discomfort, things we hate, frustration, anger, or other painful things.

This is important to understand as a player or coach, because when athletes are

getting ready to warm up or prepare for matches against a weaker team, they
usually do not have a huge pleasurable drive to defeat this team, because they
already did in the past.

Also, if they havent experienced pain, by losing to this team or a team

similar to this, they have no negative driver that is pushing them to warm up.

The end result to this is that the team has no motivation to warm up or perform at
a high level! Subconsciously they are saying things to themselves like:
I hope this is an easy game
Im tired, I hope this doesnt take too long
Itd be nice if coach puts in some of the bench players for me
on and on
(I know that all players do not do this, but enough do, to affect your team. Also,
you as a coach may say things like this)

This can cause a ton of frustration and confusion for the coaches,
because they dont understand why their team isnt excited about playing, while
causing a lot of frustration with the team because they dont play well.

So, as I was sitting there after our match and finally figured out an answer
to this problem, I told my team a few things.

First, its easy to get motivated when you play a good team because of the
emotional drive toward pleasure.

Second, when you play weaker teams, you need to have a reminder or
reference from your past that tells you, you must warm up and prepare well, or
this is going to be a long and frustrating match.

Third, the most powerful motivational method is when you have both! The
drive toward the pleasure of winning, and the drive away from the pain and
frustration of losing or performing poorly.

In NLP, we call this a propulsion system. Something that drives you

toward a goal (winning), while another stimulus is driving you away from
something else (in this case losing, embarrassment)

Sounds great Ed, but how do we do it?

Step 1: As a coach you need to be able to ask yourself the right questions that
induce the emotional states you want your team in.
If you want to ask questions that drive yourself and team toward pleasure.
Here are some thoughts:
What are we going to be working on improving during this match/game?

Remember what weve been practicing, executing, the new plays? How good
will it feel when we can run 8 combination plays each game?

Think about it for a moment, what if we were able to walk on the court/field today
and hold them to only /5 points per game/ 1 goal/ 2 runs/ 40 points?

Imagine what it will be like when this is all over and we are going home, after we
just played one of our highest level games/matches against this (type of) team?

What if tonight was the night where everything weve been working started to
come together?

If you want to ask questions that drive yourself and team away from pain, which I
only use against weaker teams, or when I see no motivation in my kids.

Here are some questions/statements:

Hey, make sure that we dont forget, if we have a poor warm-up, how
terrible/crappy it would be to walk out here and lose to this team?

Remember last time we played them, and we started off slow. It was because
we had a poor warm-up, so make sure we get out there and warm up really well!

Heres an example of a sequence that I may use if I see my team not motivated
or warming up poorly:
(Harsh tone- but in rapport)

Me: If we continue to prepare this way, what do you think is going to happen?

Usually theyll say, We may lose! Play terrible. Struggle. Suck.

Then Ill say, How will that feel?

Them: Bad, horrible, etc.

Me: Do you want that to happen?

Them: No

Me: (My voice tone lightens up) Then what do we need to do to change this!?

They will take ownership for this, and change their behavior very quickly.

Some things that I want to note here is that:

First, like every other activity or any other strategy you use in this system.
The first key is having rapport and respect from your players. This gives you the
permission to be harsher when you need to be, and usually theyll respond very
well to this.

Also, I dont use this all the time. Ill remind them of things, and sometimes
my tone will be lighter. Sometimes, I may not use it at all. Especially early in the
season, or mid season, depending if I want to really prove my point. I may let
them warm up poorly, play terrible, and then afterward have a discussion with
them on what went wrong, then how are we going to change it for the future.
Heres how I would teach this strategy.

Step 1. During the beginning of the year, teach them about how to prepare. How
to focus on what they want to happen, and how when playing weaker teams to
really focus on execution. Also, if you are having a hard time getting motivated,
teach them about using Pain as a driver.

Step 2: Allow them to fail. Thats right. Once they experience what not warming
up, and struggling feels like. That is only when they will really know and really
want to implement this strategy.

Step 3: Remind, reinforce, support, and coach. Its that simple. You as the coach
are to teach them it, and when they forget, remind them, and give them
ownership.

How an individual can use this strategy using images

One of the things I noticed after we lost to the team earlier, was that I
needed to find an answer to this problem. I was pissed, and I really wanted them
to get it.

So that night, after we all ate and had a team meeting. I talked to them
about how I had two images in my mind.

One image was of us succeeding and driving this team off the court. While
the other image was that of us struggling and not playing well.

Now, the reason I can think of a time when we struggled is because I

remember times in the past (references) of when I was a player, and my team
started off slowly, warmed up poorly, preparation mentally was talking about what
we were going to eat after the game.

And I hated those games more than any other games. They absolutely
sucked, because we played so bad that, even if we won, no one played well.
Everyone struggled, and no one improved. It was an absolute waste of time, and
I can still remember that.

However, I also had times where my teams warmed up well, prepared

well, had a solid game plan, and executed at a high level. These were the games
that, win or lose, I walked off the court feeling good.

Now, I know that you can think of similar experiences. Make sure you
remember them both, and use them for yourself and your teams.

So, with step 1 of teaching this to your team. Make sure you tell them
about the different images. Find their location around you. To do that just think of
them and notice where you look, and remember those images, because they are
the key to making sure you and your team stay on the top of their game!

Here is another way to implement this strategy. Teach them to ask

themselves these questions.

Individual Pre-Game Questions:

1. What is it that I want out of this game?

2. How do I want to show up and represent myself?
3. What can I personally control that will get me these results?
4. (If playing a weaker team) If I do not warm-up and prepare properly, what
could happen?
5. How can I support my teammates to perform at their best?
6. What best qualities of mine ensure that I can do this?
7. How good will I feel when I accomplish this?
Covert Implementation:

You can also use this strategy, by simply telling 2 stories. One of how you
played poorly, because you didnt warm-up properly, and one of when you did
warm-up properly and the success you had.

What happens when you tell stories and metaphors, is that they attach the
meaning to themselves and bring up those images naturally. Its one of the things
I do when I teach every mental skill.

That is why if you have ever been trained by me or seen me with a team,
youll notice I tell a lot of stories that may or may not seem to make much sense
to the topic.

But what Im doing is eliciting the emotional states, and internal images
that I want them to have. Then I teach them the exercise. By the time they do the
exercise, unconsciously they have gone through it once or twice.
 Chapter 7: Anchoring Yourself For Success!

This chapter is an excerpt from my Ultimate Athlete Success System. I

have added here, because for you to get more out of this current system, you
need some more knowledge in neurolinguistic programming.

Also, in the Bonus chapters of Overcoming Fear and Incredible Athlete

Secrets, I am using anchors with the audience all the time. Some of the anchors
are obvious, while so many of them arent. This chapter will give you some basic
knowledge, plus an excellent exercise you can do with your team to assist them
in becoming more powerful.

As a coach and athlete, I want to condition my athletes to be so focused

on what they want to happen, that they find that they start getting results that
amaze them. Also, if you are focusing on what you dont want, you will find that
that is what you get.

For example, if a baseball player is going up to bat saying to himself, I

hope I dont strike out! I hope I dont strike out! What is occurring is his
neurology has to access the feeling of striking out that he had from a previous at
bat, and his images and physiology will do the same. The end result is the batter
strikes out and a bad habit and focus has begun.

Its time to stop being treating like a dog, and acting like one!

In this manual, my goal is to teach you what different emotions mean, and
how to create what we in Neuro-Lingustic Programming call Anchors, so that
you can condition your mind and body to access peak performance emotional
states consistently. Now that you are ready lets begin:
Go ahead and in your mind or out-loud finish these little sayings:

Give me a break, Give me a break, Break me off a piece of that ---------!

Wheels on the bus go _____________

What about the Brady Bunch theme:

Heres a story of a lovely lady________

Or what about the Barney song: I love you, you love me, Were a ________

Even though you may not have heard these sayings in a while, your brain
can still remember them. All these little songs or commercials are what we call
Anchors. Anytime you elicit certain emotions and attach it to something else, a
person, place, thing or the environment, you create an association.

Years ago, a psychiatrist named Pavlov put a dog on a chain and would
put a bowl of food right outside of the dogs reach. Once the dog began to
salivate, Pavlov would ring a bell. Pull the dog food away. The dog would
salivate. Then he repeated this process so many times that all Pavlov would
need to do is ring the bell and the dog would salivate. The dog created an
association to hearing the bell and linked it to salivating.

The coolest thing about this is that youll be able to see how this works in
your own life in all contexts.
Do you know someone that once you look at them, you instantly get a heavy
feeling in your stomach?
Is there a certain cologne or perfume, that when you smell it reminds you of that
special someone?
Or when you think of a certain opponent you instantly get excited, nervous,
scared, or totally confident that you will perform at your best.

Finally, if youve ever been in a relationship, I know that there had to be

your song between the two of you. Years later that song can come on it will
bring you back instantly to those fun loving days.

In all those cases you have anchors built up at an unconscious level that
direct your focus and your emotions. Many people have heard about Pavlovs
dog, but very few people actually tell you how you can use the theory for your
benefit. My goal is to show you how to use it, so you can have an advantage over
your competition, and make your team better.

Think about all the different emotions that you experience before, during,
and after competition:
Go ahead and write them out:

Now, notice which of these emotions are negative like anger, stress, and
or anxiety. Think about for a moment, what if you were able to bypass these
energy consuming emotions and direct them more into motivation, courage,
confidence, a Go For IT! Attitude, so when you walked into your athletic arena
you were so focused on what you needed to do that you didnt have time to worry
and waste your energy in those areas.

I can here some people out there right now, saying, Well, getting stressed
is good! I get all nervous, I freak out and then I perform better! Im not saying
that a little nervousness or a little stress is bad. I know Rick Pitino says that his
personal positive stress is what moves him to be the best coach in basketball.
But the question I have to ask is this, How long do you stress, worry, or stay
nervous? and then after you experience any of those emotions. Do you fire into
an emotion of total power and confidence, or then do you find yourself hesitating,
feeling worn out, and waiting until the game gets going before you start
performing at your best? Because if you want to be a champion, and master your
emotions the thing to realize is that EVERYTHING COUNTS!

Every single moment, thought, feeling, movement. Ask yourself, are the
emotions Im feeling moving me closer to my goal or are they slowing me down?
What if you had a strategy that the moment you started to feel nervous you went
right into confidence and a GO FOR IT attitude? What if when you started to
worry, you went right into the process of being creative or curious about how you
are going to beat your opponent?

Think about it for a moment. What if it was possible to take all 100% of
your energy, and focus it on getting the results you want. Feeling the way you
want to feel so that you were faster, quicker, better at anticipating the other team
or individuals next move, even more confident, and able to lead yourself and
others to the next level.

You may be saying, Well, that is a great theory Ed, but how do you do it?

First of all the first step is managing your physiology, self-talk, and images.
And asking yourself a question that immediately changes your focus.

The second step is by anchoring yourself for success. Anchoring is a way

of conditioning your mind so that it responds naturally without any hesitation.

Most athletes usually focus on their negative past events and mistakes,
while true winners, look at their mistakes as opportunities for growth, do not put
any emotion there. This is important. There is so much to learn from the past, but
there is no need for you to go back and relive mistakes you made from the past.
In fact, in some of my audio-tapes I show you how to release unneeded negative
emotions. Once you do that you start conditioning your mind and body to operate
that way. Remember what I said earlier, you will get whatever you focus on in
life, so make sure your focusing on what you want to happen.
 Step one in Anchoring yourself for success is to pick 3 emotions that you
want to feel. So for example, Three powerful emotional states that benefit
athletes are Confidence, Relaxed Persistence, and a Go For it Attitude!

Circle of Excellence
Go ahead and as you listening to this tape, go ahead and stand up, shake
your body out, and put yourself and an extremely confident physiology.
Step 1: Take a deep breath, and as you exhale remember the last time you felt
confident, and as you are doing that, Imagine that right in front of you is a circle
on the floor and there is a light that represents confidence, from the ground all
the way up coming from the circle.
So, as you are standing next to the circle go ahead and imagine that all
the confident feelings that you had back then, are going in to the circle, notice
what you said to yourself what images you saw, make the picture bigger brighter,
bring it closer.
And notice how the light in the circle is starting to speed up, and keep it going
until you can tell that the emotion you felt back then is in the

Step 2: Jump in the circle! Take a deep breath, squeeze your left fist and let all
the feeling shoot through your whole body. From your toes all the way up to your
head, and hold if for 10 seconds as you smile and enjoy this feeling.

Step 3: Now step out of the circle allowing all those feeling to stay there, as you
pick the next 2 emotions and do the same with those!
So, go ahead and pick relaxed focus, persistence, a Go For It! Attitude, or any
other emotion that you would like.

Step 4: Identify where youd like to have these emotions in the future, and put
them there.
Step back in the circle, reassociate to all the emotions. Squeeze your left fist.
Then visualize any area of your life where you would like to put these emotions.

Do this with 3-5 events, and youll notice that you start creating powerful
associations everywhere you go. If you are going to play tough competition in
their gym, do this exercise. What if you imagined yourself in tough spots during
the game? You would notice that you instantly go into the powerful state. I did
this simple exercise with DePaul Womens volleyball, and here is what some of
them said:

Friday nights game was amazing! We were on fire, beating Memphis in three.
I give you full credit for this because for the first time the girls believed in
themselves and played to not only win but to destroy the other team. Between
games two and three they were doing the chant you taught them and it was what
kept them on fire. Poor UAB is about to get he aftermath from Friday. Our girls
are "jazzed up" to play and hopefully continue this straight through to the
conference championship! Thanks again for all your help and I will sent that
letter of recommendation this week. Patti Culloton, Assistant DePaul Womens
Volleyball Coach

WE WON!!! Both Friday and Sunday!! Friday's game was so wild, the
team and the fans and the excitement all felt so right. I haven't felt like this in a
long time. You turned it around, and people that didn't think that way started too.
I feel like myself again, and I love it, I have more energy and fun!! Now staying
that way is all I ask of the team. I will not let go, that is for sure. It is my last year
to play with these girls, and I want to go out with a bang. Just to help people
see how they can change things just by how they act. You really got people to
stop and look at themselves, and to believe again.
Katie, DePaul Womens Volleyball, #14
 This is just on example of what I do one I work with teams or players.
Personally, I use this technique all the time, and the results are instantaneous,
and are a lot more powerful than walking around just relying on affirmations.

An example of when I used this is when my teams started getting really

competitive at the national level. What I found was that I was going up against
coaches who were much older than me and much more experienced. Instead of
letting that intimidate me, I used that to my advantage. Id get into a confident
state, and then Id see myself out-coaching the coach and my players out playing
the other team. First, this gave me insights to what I needed to do win because I
was more resourceful. Secondly, when I saw the team we were going to play and
the other coach my whole body went into a state of confidence, because I set up
the anchor, before I saw them.

So many athletes do this naturally when they are performing well, but stop
doing it when things are not going well. My personal belief is that you can
become more consistent, more powerful, more confident, and much more
effective if you take this simple exercise and do it today and over the next few
weeks consistently!

In my visualization tape called Emotions of Power we will be conditioning

your mind by having your mind run these emotions over and over again as you
sleep every night. So, make sure you have done this exercise at least once,
because during your visualization I will be referring back to your powerful
feelings!! Keep up the great work and know that you are one step closer to
Mastering the Keys To Ultimate Mental Toughness

The Best thing about your past is that it is over. The second best thing
about your past is that if you had events back then, that you didnt enjoy
you can now change how you feel about it!
 Chapter 8
The Truth About Worry & How to Overcome It!
To Worry Or Not To Worry!

Is it good for your athletes to worry?

That is the question coaches may not get a straight answer about until now!

Just recently, an athlete that I consult with suggested I read a book on

Athletic Peak Performance and Mental Training. The book had some really good
points, and some ideas that I will test out.

However, there was a point in the book where the author talked about
something called the Worry Spot. This was a spot where the athlete was to go
and sit and worry about whatever he or she is supposed to worry about in life.

They were supposed to do this for a half our, then finish by thinking of
things that are pleasant in their lives. The theory was that if the athlete takes the
time to worry about
Whatever they are worried about, then eventually it wont bother them, and it
wont affect them in other areas of their life, because they took the time to worry.

Now, if youve read my book or listened to my tapes, you should be able to

see where I am going with this. If not, Ill give you another example of what the
author recommended, so read carefully!

He said that when the athlete is beginning to worry, but isnt in their Worry
Spot, he or she should take out a piece of paper, write down whatever they are
worried about, so that they can remind themselves to worry later. Then put the
piece of paper in their pocket and stop worrying until later!
 I find this comical, because if the person has the ability to shut their
worry mechanism on and off at will. Then why not look at how they shut it off,
and teach him or her to duplicate that skill? The easiest ways to do this
consciously is to either change:
1. Your physiology- Take a deep breath, Smile, and Put your shoulders
back!
2. Your Language I can handle anything that comes my way!
3. Your Image- push it off in the distance and make the picture the size of
a stamp
4. Ask a different question: What can I do right now to make this better?

Right there I gave you 4 simple, quick, and extremely effective ways to
transforming worry into power. What the author of this book is missing, is a few
things.
He assumes that we all need to worry. And that worry should last a certain
amount of time before you can shut it off. (Hes projecting his model of the world
onto other people)
He doesnt understand the structure of how the brain works. In other
words,
If he had any good training in Neurolinguistic Programming, he would know why
the worry spot works when it does. But more importantly, he would see the
dangers of doing this worry spot exercise.

Here is why it can work:

Lets look at the structure of how the brain does worry:

When a person sits down to worry, he or she goes unconsciously makes
images of things that they are worried about. Now for them to be worried about
these things, its most likely because they see things not working out the way
they want them to.
 Then they interpret the image and say something to themselves.
Simultaneously, I would bet their breathing gets shallower, their shoulders slump.
They tighten up, and the cycle keeps going.

So their strategy is: See image + say something to myself that is dis-
empowering =
Have Feeling!

Wow! That is remarkable. Now, why this may work to change it, is that after
awhile, theyll get bored of sitting there feeling sorry for themselves, and now
when they think of the same image, their feeling is boredom, not worry.

They have created a new association to the image- (Pavlovs Dog!)

However, a faster way of doing this same thing is to put yourself into a
powerful emotional state, (if you know how to anchor yourself, do so) powerful
Physiology. Remember how youve solved a similar problem in the past. Then
think of the problem at hand, and ask yourself questions that help you get
positive answers.

When you do this, you also change the association, but this way may only
Take a couple of minutes, where the other strategy could take weeks and make
things worse.

(Side note: if you have some really bad negative associations built up. Sitting
there and worrying about them will not make them better. My suggestion is to go
see a NLP Master Practitioner and have them collapse the negative anchors.
Feel free to email me, if you have questions)

How can the Worry Spot be bad for you?

 When you feel intense emotion, negative or positive, then think of
something.
You create an association, or anchor. So, if you go and sit in your living room and
worry, you will start feeling worried everytime you go in that room, because it is a
stimulus to worry.

If you worry and feel crappy, then try and calm yourself down by thinking
of all the lovely things in your life, and do this day after day. What do you think
can happen?

Yes! You can start linking a crappy feeling to all of the beautiful things in
your life, unless you get out of the crappy feeling first, then think of the beautiful
things.

Also, you start to condition a learned behavior, by doing this continuously.

This is why I highly recommend you learn how to manage your emotional state,
and learn how associations are created, because it is going on all the time, and it
is one of the easiest ways of being manipulated.
 CHAPTER 9
When Youre A Weak Mouse,
Hang out With The Baddest Dog In Town
Warrior Philosophies and Overcoming Nasty Cats

There was Disney movie out recently about a mouse that was adopted
into a human family. Everyone loved him except the cat. The cat would try to do
anything to eat him, hurt him, and humiliate him. All the mouse could do was run
and hope the humans would save him.

Now, I tell you this because, if I was that mouse, the first thing I would do
is talk to his new human parents about getting a dog, or getting rid of that cat.
Then Id sneak out in the middle of the night to the neighbors house with some
dog snacks and find 5 or 6 of the meanest toughest dogs. Find out what they
wanted that they currently didnt have and make it so that they needed me just as
much as I needed them.

Then, I would tell them about my problem. Yes, the cat. Needless to say, it
would be taken care of. The cat would still want to hurt me, but wouldnt, because
his punishment would be so horrendous he would leave me alone. (But trust me,
Id have one eye open while sleeping.)

How This Applies To You

Just recently, I was at my business coaching program, and my good friend

who runs it was telling us about how he just went through a horrendous lawsuit
and won. Now, the reason I bring this up is for a few reasons.

#1. That which you know least about can be your biggest weakness if you
dont have someone you trust who is damned good at it.
 Examples: Sadly, but true, in America, anyone can try and sue anyone for
any reason. Its such a joke that any bozo with money (or not) can take
something you are doing and accuse you of something totally different.
Now, if you are reading this. Im assuming you are somewhat of a public
figure in your own little town, city, school, or club. Then youd agree that
allegations can be just as deadly as convictions.

Why this unfairly happens to coaches who are making little money, trying
to make kids better? Because
1. There have been enough coaches in the past who have acted in illegal, and
unethical ways.
2. Parents can be nuts, crazy, and totally irrational when it comes to their
daughters/sons.
3. Young athletes can completely misunderstand what you say and what you do.
4. People will accuse you of ulterior motives. If this can be perceived as
something that takes away money, scholarship opportunities, a parent may
go after you.

Now Im not trying to scare you by telling you that your simple existence
as a coach, in the 21st century, exposes you to being targeted by some nutty
parent or idiot for litigation. But to tell you that you must know the laws regarding
what is proper and what isnt. And you must have legal support in addition to the
schools or institutions.

To make this seem more real. Just recently, I had another friend that was
dealing with legal matters, and he was going to potentially end up losing a lot of
money, because he was entrusting that the matters would be settled without him
having an attorney.

Now, the people that will give you the biggest lines of crap are lawyers,
cops, therapists, and the IRS (of course not all of them, so dont email me pissed
about this statement, but in my experiences, Ive found this to be true). So, the
first thing I told him was to go out and find a kick ass lawyer whom he can trust,
and make sure he gets what he deserves.

Masters of Intimidation!

The thing that you have to realize is that the list above are the masters of
intimidation. So, the way you combat it is by getting your own team of lawyers.
These can be friends, relatives, or associates. Then network through that group.
This is where you can find someone you trust and is competent.

Then you need to have one of your friends or relatives who is a lawyer be
your private counsel so they can interpret all the legal jargon and ask the right
questions for you.

Remember, one of the most likely ways people will try and intimidate you
is by talking in their most eloquent business/law/ or tax terms. Tell them to cut the
crap and speak in English.

Now, you take this same strategy with taxes, money, technology, and any
other thing that you know little about. You deserve the best, and the biggest fear
most people have is related to just not knowing things.
For example, 2 years ago when I started on the internet. A friend of mine
got me a web designer to do my first web-site. While he was a nice guy, and very
good at what he did. He didnt understand my needs as a businessperson,
marketer, and salesperson. He criticized my ideas and what I wanted to do.
Then when talking to him, he tried talking around and above me in
computer language and crap I didnt understand.
To make a long story short, everything I wanted I eventually got. However,
I wasted a ton of time with this guy. I would get rid of him or anyone like that in a
heartbeat, if they give me that attitude. See, I now have more than 4 web
designer whom I can call and be in contact within 10 minutes. Before I didnt. Its
all about positioning!

The leverage people can get on you to intimidate you is usually

knowledge, expertise, wisdom, contacts, and money. All of these things are
attainable and accessible, so make sure you dont sell yourself short just
because you dont think you have these things.
So, instead of you learning it, go out and find someone who already
knows it. Dont worry about the money, because in most cases the money spent
getting the best will be well worth, and save you a lot more in the long run.

(Disclaimer: I am not qualified to give any legal advice at all. Nothing here is to
be interpreted that way. This is just some ideas about how I go about protecting
my own personal rights, and you can choose to take them or not.)

Now that I got that over with, Ill say this too. In your sport, there are some
mean cats out there, who will try and chew you up if you they get the chance.
You need to identify these nasty cats quickly.
To position yourself properly, surround yourself with the most respected
coaches and athletes possible, who at the same time have great character. Just
because a coach is successful in wins and losses doesnt equal great character.
 How to Expose A Nasty Cat!

The best way, Ive found, to expose a nasty cat, is to listen more than you
talk, and observe more than you want to be watched.

Many times when I travel and do programs, whether for companies or

teams. I talk when I am on stage, but when we are eating, or the group is just
talking, I try and be as silent as possible and observe. The reason is, you can
learn more about a person in five minutes of you observing them when they dont
know it, than you could in weeks of watching them when they know you are
watching.

How To Look For Nasty Cats!

Whenever I am in a new environment, I put my antennas up, because the

last thing I want is to walk into a bad situation blindly. This could be in a gym
where there are parents of kids I cut, or at a gathering where I know there are
many egos floating around the room.

So, here is one of my strategies. While I am listening to one person, or in

one conversation with a group of people. I will be scan the room through my
peripheral vision to spot anything out of the norm. Also, if I notice when I begin a
conversation with one person, the 2 or 3 people who were just in the group
suddenly lower their voices, huddle, and occasionally look at you, Ill tune up my
senses and try and pick up some words.

The counteraction is all dependent on what I want out of the situation and
the level of threat of the nasty cats.
Here are some Warrior Philosophies to consider:

You cannot fight which doesnt resist.

If you keep pushing against me, and I dont push back you may stop
pushing. This is usually where you are in a situation and the threat is minimal.
The people talking or attacking may have no leverage or no stature, so what they
say has no weight. The best defense here may to pretend you dont even see it.
This goes kind of hand in a hand with another philosophy of keep your
friends close, but your enemies closer. That way you wont be surprised by
anything.

Use their energy for their own self-destruction.

When people bad mouth others, they are revealing a lot more about
themselves than they are about the people they are talking about. They may turn
to you and try and hook you into their game. At this point they are testing your
character. If you fall into the trap you have now joined the ranks of nasty cat. If
you stay out of it, you have reversed the energy and they have been exposed.
Stay strong here, because they may tease you for being too righteous, or too
good. However, what truly just occurred is you sent out the message that your
word means something. This will be repayed hundred times in others speaking
highly of you.

Retreat and Call In the Troops

In Ancient Chinese Warrior Philosophy, they looked at retreating as
another form of advancement. There is no honor in being brave and stupid at the
same time.

Dr. John Latourette, also known as speedman because he can hit a guy
over 20 times in a second, once told a story of how this big guy wanted to beat
him up because he spilled on him. Now, Dr. John couldve knocked the guy out
before he blinked, but when the guy raised his arm, Dr. John yelled, No No! and
put up his arms like a coward.

Once the guy relaxed, Dr. John kicked him in the groin, and ended the
confrontation. The ended up having a beer together and apologies were made,
however, his strategy was not to go force against force, but to look as if he was
retreating, then attack very quickly.

So, know when you are in a situation when you are outnumbered, out
manned, and out matched. Retreat briefly, then come back with the troops.

(Sidenote: I thinking fighting is stupid. I am telling these stories, because the true
battles are fought with the pen and the mind. However, the same strategies are
applicable with those tools, plus you need to be aware of what is out there.
Simply, look for ways they can be applied in your own life)
How this would relate to a coaches situation is, if people were ripping on
my philosophies and I noticed I was out manned. I may go get 1 or 10 highly
respected individuals who believe in what Im doing and covertly have the two
groups cross each others path. Then bring up some topics that support myself.
However, I may also use any of the other strategies, plus the next one.

Expose the Nasty Cat for Being A Sheep

When a nasty cat is throwing out a bunch of bull sh*$, but is way out of
line. I think there is a time and place where you call the nasty cat on their bull
sh*$.
See, one of the things that happens is that these type of people are so
used to people listening to their crap that they try it on you. If you allow them to
keep wasting your time and giving you their line, then youll train them to keep it
up.
For example, I was at a football party the other night, where there were
many people from different schools and clubs. As I was walking to enter the
house I noticed a parent of another kid on a different club saw me walk by, he
leaned over and started whispering, to a friend of the families.
I could tell immediately that the friend of our family felt uncomfortable, and
he looked at me 3 times in less than 10 seconds. Now, I pretty much knew the
guy was talking about me, and so I walked over and said, Should I be in on this
discussion since Im part of the topic?
Well, the one guy acted stupid and said they were talking about something
totally irrelevant. Knowing that he was lying, and knowing that he knew I knew he
was lying. I offered to get these guys a beer.
When I came back to the two, the guy started telling me what they were
really talking about. How I was known as the volleyball guy, and he was just
wondering how many brothers I had.
Anyhow, I called him on whatever he was talking about. He didnt have the
guts to at least say it to me, so he made some crap up. Then he changed his
story once again. Now, this is all in front of the person he was originally talking
about me too.
Lesson: If you call a Nasty Cat on their talk, you most likely will have
exposed the nasty cat for really being a scared sheep. If this is done correctly,
youve just sent out the message to all nasty cats and all the nasty cats followers
that, You cant b.s. me, so dont try it!
I bet this guy, at the party, will be a lot less likely to talk about me behind
my back. Because he knows that if he runs his mouth, hell get called on it.
Beware to back up your statements though. If you go in without the
knowledge and willingness to have a war of tongues (or fists-which Im not
advocating), then you may get blasted. But then again, when you expose a nasty
cat, people will not want to mess with you.

Hit back twice as hard!

I wouldnt be doing warrior philosophy justice if I didnt have this in here.
When someone hits you, one of the choices you have is to strike back two to
three times as hard. I would probably choose all the other strategies first, but its
nice to know you have this strategy in your arsenal.
If you choose this strategy, and you want to win versus a stronger
opponent. Let them think you are weaker than you are. Then strike at their
weaknesses.
Be extremely deceptive. When you or someone you care about is in
danger, you need to forget all the rules that you were taught when fighting on the
playground. Be aggressive, take massive action, and do what you need to do to
get the result. This may be someone attacking you personally by trying to
damage your reputation. Attacking your job position. Attacking your familys
property. Your business. Or anything. The thing you must do is be extremely
aggressive, buck up, and take calculated action! Notice how I just repeated
myself, there is a reason for that
Strike fast. Strike hard. Repeat!

(Disclaimer: I in no way advocate fighting, hurting any other person, or doing anything
illegal. My intention here is to show the different choices people have, and simply to
educate them on an intellectual level. All people who have questions regarding the law,
self-defense laws, should consult with their attorney.)
 CHAPTER 10
How to Laugh In The Face Of Criticism!
Just recently, one of the biggest news events here Chicago, besides all
the news on terrorism and the U.S. retaliation, has been about the return of
Michael Jordan. Now, Ill let you know from the start that I am a huge Jordan fan.
I dont wear his uniforms or brag about him, but do admire what he has done,
and his relentless search for being the best at everything he does.

Most importantly, I think one of the best lessons that everyone can take
from MJ is that he is not afraid to fail.

Think about it!

He left the sport he was best at (basketball) to go try and play baseball
where he had to get up at 5:00 am and was always the first one to the park, and
the last one to leave. In an interview he did with a famous announcer (the name
is escaping me right now), he had scabs on his hands from all the blisters he was
getting from taking so much batting practice.

He said that he was trying to make up in just a few months what these
other guys had been doing for the last 15 years or so.

The funny thing is, the whole time Michael was doing this. He was being
criticized by almost every reporter possible. While struggling to barely make it, he
finally started getting some hits and turning things around.

I might have my facts a little off on this, but when I went and saw Jordan
at the I-Max (which is awesome by the way), it said that Jordan started to hit
over 250 batting average.
That was when the baseball strike occurred, and stopped all the momentum he
had.

So, instead of waiting around for the strike to end, Michael decided to hang up
his spikes.

The next issue of Sports Illustrated read something to the affect of,
Michael Jordan Fails.

Now, lets jump 6 years down the road.

Jordan returned to basketball and wins a few more World Championships.

Retires at the top of his game, in a way that people expect legends to retire.

He goes to Washington, buys the worst team in the NBA and vows to turn
it around. Once again, he gets blasted by reporters in Chicago. However,
Michael goes forth and listens to his inner drummer once again.

After two years of poor basketball in Washington, Michael starts to get the
itch. Yes, ya know the itch you get when you are doing exactly what you love to
do?

That feeling in your gut when you do it well, and there are some moments
where you do it so perfectly that you can even amaze yourself!

He starts training in Chicago with some of the best NBA players, and
reports say at first he was losing over 75% of the games he was in. But Michael
kept pushing on.

He breaks 2 ribs a few months ago, and the newspapers come out to say
how hes too old and this is going to be embarrassing and ruin his legacy.
 After recovering, he comes back and now reports are saying that hes
winning over 75% of the games hes playing with these other NBA stars. A
couple close reporters said that it is obvious that Jordan is still the best player on
the court.

Thats no surprise to me. And it wasnt any surprise to me a few weeks later
when he announced that he was coming back. And then it wasnt a surprise to
me, that most of the reporters would once again blast him.

In all the commentaries or letters to the editor, they only printed the letters
from bitter Chicagoans who thought MJ was embarrassing himself, or was too
old, or whatever other excuse they could find.

Heres the Real Truth!

First, the truth is that most of these reporters are exactly that reporters.
They report what others are doing with their lives. While I think that some are
doing awesome work, and are great at what they do. The others have no clue as
to what it is like to go out there and risk failure day after day, for the possibility to
know what it feels like when you really achieve

Sure their news story can bomb. Like they often do, but no one is going to
write about them and how they screwed up again. People just wont read them.

Then there are the people who write in to criticize Michael. They say
things like He should leave his legacy alone. He is too old. Blah, blah, blah.

These people need to get a life. Think about it. They are writing letters to
people they dont know, about someone who could care less, so that complete
strangers can listen to their opinions that have no expertise behind them or
validity. (And you know that old saying about opinions, dont you)

Anyhow, you may be thinking, Ed, why are you so excited or pissed about this
topic?

Well, the thing is, that people who know what it feels like to lay your butt
on the line, risk big time failure and humiliation, in order to go for their dreams,
would never criticize another for it.

Even if they disagreed with what they were doing, they would have an
admiration for their guts and action oriented lifestyle.

Ya see, the thing is, if you are a coach, athlete, or parent that is doing
something special. Doing something that gets noticed. Like having a really good
team, playing really well, so that people come and see you, you will get criticized!

You will get criticized for the stupidest things, by the stupidest, most
ignorant people. They will talk behind your back. Tell others what you are doing
wrong.

They may even have the guts to come up to you and tell you what you are
doing wrong, because they read one book from the library from 1972 that said
something about the strategy of your sport (thats my smart-alek way of teasing
them about how they qualify themselves as an expert).

The list of the reasons people will criticize you for as a coach or athlete is
unlimited.

Sound discouraging?
If so, theres hope. First, for you to go to the level of whatever it is that you want
in your life, you must get an attitude that bullet proof to criticism. I know too many
people who let what others think about them affect how they behave. What they
do, and what goals they set out for.

In other words, these people allow the world to dictate what they should
think, feel, and act. If you step back and think about this, you would see how
stupid this really is (the behavior not the person).

The thing is that in most associations or learning systems they tell you that
feedback is the breakfast of champions. And while I agree that it is, you must
really take a good look at who you are getting your feedback from!

Like I said, everyone has an opinion, you just need to figure out whose,
you want to listen to. For me, thats why I have my mastermind club, and many
mentors who are experts in their respected fields.

The second thing you need to do is dis-associate from any images or

people that bother you. Isnt it true that if you hear someone say something
negative about you, you run the sound of what they said in your head over and
over again. Or you replay the images of the situation. And then sometimes you
just make up what you think they wouldve said.

So, the step to take is first, if it is a sentence of someone speaking, here

the criticism in your head in a mickey mouse tonality and then run the sentence
backwards.

If its an image or mini-movie, Ill bet you are in the movie. The first thing
you need to do is pop out of the image, turn the movie black and white, hear the
sounds in mickey mouse voices and run the image backwards.
Or make the person criticizing you super small, and then in your mind you can
throw tomatoes on their head or whatever creative thing that is funny to you.

Finally, the most important thing you can ever do to conquer criticism is to
keep taking action, and get rid of the people who criticize you. Just simply get rid
of them.

For example, for every 15 thank you from coaches, athletes or parents
from having this website, selling my products, or consulting I do, Ill get 1 or 2
people email me who are mad that Im selling stuff, and making a living by
providing cutting edge information to thousands of people.

Well, since these people voluntarily signed up to be on my list, and are

adults who are free to make their own choices, I laugh at their ignorance of their
own initiative. Also, as you should know, there is always a place to unsubscribe if
they no longer wanted to be on the list.

Since I follow my own advice, the last two people who did this, were
immediately removed from my list without a second thought. If they try and get on
my list again, I will delete their names, immediately.

Ya see, this may seem harsh, but my information, attitude, and method of
teaching is for people who really want to support, to make improvements, or who
want to give themselves or their teams better chances to be their best. If they do
these things winning and the fun of the game will take care of itself.

So, to you my friend, I challenge you to either keep moving forward in the
direction of your goals bullet proof to criticism. Or if you are someone who has let
criticism stomp you down, wipe off the dust, and get going. Its never too early or
late to learn this skill.
You develop courage by acting courageously
whenever you feel like acting otherwise!
Brian Tracy

The hardest years in life are between the ages of

10 and 70. Helen Hayes (at age 73)

We are not interested in the possibilities of

defeat! They do not exist. -Queen Victoria of England
From the book, Thick Face Black Heart:

The 13th century Hindu philosopher

Shankaracharya mentioned that
even the greatest warrior,
when standing in the midst of the battlefield,
sweats with fear.
However, while his body is fearful
and his mind is fearful,
His spirit is fearless!
He is able to detach
himself from the fear of the body and the
mind, clinging instead to
the fearlessness of his spirit.

The get where your going is to go there! Take

Action! Ed OKeefe
 Chapter 11
How to Have the Mental Focus of
A Navy Seal To Get Things Done!
Just the other night, I was watching a 60 minutes an they were
interviewing former U.S. soldiers who were a part of the Navy Seals and Special
Forces. Ive always had an admiration for these soldiers and think that in another
lifetime I was a sniper or in one of these units.

Anyhow, enough of my self indulging, as the interview went on, I was

thinking about how these guys would get dropped off in a middle of a jungle with
a few maps, a radio, limited ammunition, and limited time. Usually they had to
get in, and get out as fast as possible, because the sun was coming up. The
chopper was on its way, or the enemies units were moving toward them, etc..

So, two days ago, when I interviewed my good famous friend, Rita
Emmett, author of The Procastinators Handbook, Mastering the Art of Doing It
Now. I thought about how each one of us need to look at what is most important
to us. What is it that we need to get done? By when? Then get going on it?

Now, you may be thinking, Ed, This has nothing to do with Navy Seals or
Special Op units.

Well, I might be in a my own fairy tale land here, but my life is my movie,
and since Im directing it, this is my analogy.

So, as Rita was telling me of all these great secrets, she started to get
into, what she calls, Thirteen Hypocritical Time-Wasting Games.

Heres the correlation between you and a Navy Seal:

 #9: Being indecisive! If you or a Navy Seal are indecisive, you wont get
respect. You wont be trusted. Ultimately for you, you wont be followed, and your
troops will get hurt because of it.

#8. Trying to do too many things at once.

If you try and do everything, you will lose and fail! You need to find a way of
delegating and empowering strategically. Not just to delegate. To triple your
effectiveness with your teams, you need to leverage and duplicate your efforts by
4 or 5 times. This is done with technology, people, planning, and knowing the
20/80 rule. What 20% or your efforts can produce 80% of your productivity.
Figure that out, and focus all your efforts on that 20%, and delegate the rest.

#4. Talking with visitors that are unexpected and are unimportant!
When talking with someone, ask yourself,
Does this conversation have purpose?
Is this conversation bringing me closer to my goals?
If the answer to those two conversation is No, then you either make it
purposeful, or excuse yourself and move on.

That may seem crude, but heres the deal. The most important assets a
person has is their time, health, and mental brain power. With those 3 things, you
can create almost anything you want. So, if you should protect anything with all
your power, it should be these 3 things.

One simple way, is to start creating a clutter free life. Which is Time
wasting game #1: Shuffling through the same papers or clutter over and over.

Now, Im totally guilty about his, and that is why I share it with you,
because Im working on changing it. Rita told me that the average person spends
over a few hundred hours a year looking through papers and clutter for stuff. That
is over a week of your time that is wasted!
 Just changing that one thing would make a huge difference. But there are
so many strategies. The one I like best is taking one task at a time, setting a
time, and then working for the allotted time focused on that one thing. Boy oh boy
that helped me.

Here are a few more:

#2: Playing Computer games.- Think results! If this is wasting time, and
holding you back, then limit it. I heard the best quote in a while this past
weekend:
Maturity is when you choose results instead of comfort or
pleasure! Dan Kennedy!

#3: Having long chatty phone conversations that arent important to you.
Notice who you are talking to, and you should be asking yourself, What is the
purpose of our conversation? Get to it, and get on.
One of the secrets Rita shares in the interview I did with her, is that the
moment you pick up the phone, you let the other person know that you only have
a few minutes.

#5: Surfing the web. Unless you are visiting one of my sites, you shouldnt
be wasting time on the web. Just kidding!!! Just make sure that you have a
reason behind what you are doing when trying to be productive.

#6: Attending Unnecessary Meetings! Lets get together and talk about the
same crap we talked about 10 days ago. Thats how most meetings are, and
most of the time a good portion of the meeting doesnt require everyones
presence.

When I ran camps during the summer, I would have a staff of over 20
people. We would have a schedule that we would run through in each meeting. If
people had something for the whole group, they would share. If it was a question,
or a comment that was specific to just them, and one other person could answer
it, they would say, Ed, can I front porch you?
Which meant that, after the meeting we would discuss the topic. If it
involved just 3 of us. That person would ask to see just the 3 of us on the front
porch
By the way, there is no literal front porch. Just a figure of speech.

#7: Working aimlessly without objectives, priorities, or deadlines.

#10: Saying yes, when you should say no. Give yourself permission to say
no, and feel good about it.

#11: Pushing yourself when you are too tired to function well. Many
people dont exercise, eat properly, or have a balanced life, because they think
more hours in the office is better. However, if you take care of yourself, and
maximize your productive hours with work, then workout when your mind power
is low, you can get more done in the office in less time, and take care of your
body all at the same time.

#12: Doing things that dont need to be done (or someone else can do
them).
Look at every single thing that you do. From checking your email, warming up
your team, working out your team, mailing letters, returning phone calls, to
setting up meetings. Then ask yourself, Do I, personally, need to be doing all
these task?
Some you will say yes to, but Ill bet that you are doing a ton of work that
you can easily have your assistant, intern, or someone else do.
If you want to have a more balanced life, and more free time. This skill is
the most important skill: Knowing your own strengths, doing them in an excellent
fashion, then delegating the rest to others.
 #13: Doing an excessive amount of preparation. Nothing gets done until
action takes place. Ready Aim-Fire-Fire-Fire. The faster you do this, the quicker
youll get feedback on what you need to change.
 To end this chapter, here are a 7 of 21 success secrets of Self-Made
Millionaires, by Brian Tracy:
Rewrite Your Goals Everyday!
Pick your top 3 goals. Rewrite them everyday, and focus on one task at a
time until you accomplish that task. Once you accomplish the goal, write another
one.

Eat That Frog!

When you have a challenging conversation or task that needs to take
place, just do it. Have the conversation or do the task as quickly as possible. It
will free up your energy to be more productive on other things!

Commit Yourself to Excellence!

Make a vow today to be among the top 10 percent in your field. If it is
coaching a certain sport, teaching, a hobby you do, your business. I heard a long
time ago, that if you spent just 1 hour a day studying a certain topic, within 3
years you would be among the top 3% in that field. I truly believe that you can,
and think that you can do it faster than that.
Pick 1 area you must improve upon to get ahead in your field, and commit
that you will learn about it immediately!

The quality of your life will be determined

by the depth of your commitment to
excellence, no matter what your chosen
field Vince Lombardi

Work When You Work. Play When You Play!

 When you go into work, vow to work faster and be more productive than
before. If you want to be the best at what you do, then get more done in less
time. Learn more in less time. Take more action in less time. Then when you
decide to play. Leave work at the office!

Become A Lifelong Learner

If you want to think circles around others and become super intelligent.
Then in any field that you want to study, read books, listen to audio-tapes, watch
videos, and go to seminars.
There is no faster way to become an expert in the field than to go out and seek
the knowledge from the people firsthand.

You will be the same person in five years except of

the people you meet and the books you read.
Charlie Jones

Pay Yourself First!

Many people say to save at least 10% of your income before you do
anything else with it. The same thinking must apply to every other aspect of your
life. You must be selfish in order to be selfless. Also, I truly believe that if you
want to be economically secure as a coach, you must look at buying and selling
real estate, or learning direct mail marketing as a part time business. You and I
cant rely on the government, social security, or a pension when you retire. Ill
have more information for you on this on my web-site in the resources section.

Create An Identity For Yourself

My last section on having a Navy Seal like focus is to create an identity for
yourself, and then do whatever it takes to live up to it. This is something that you
strive for, for yourself, no one else! Youll know that you are being true to
yourself, when others notice this, not because of what you say, but because of
your actions!

So, to end this chapter, Id like to invite you to check out Ritas site at
http://www.ritaemmett.com . I make no money off sending you there, even
though I wouldnt feel ashamed if I did. She has a great book, and if you are
looking for ways to enhance your productivity and stop procrastinating, its a
great book. Shes sold over 81,000 of them. So if your looking for proof there you
go.
Being Persistent!

Nothing can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than
unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost
a proverb.
Education will not;
The world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are
omnipotent.
-Calvin Coolidge

Having Purpose!

A person with a clear purpose will make

progress on even the roughest road.
A person with no purpose will make no
progress on even the smoothest road.
Thomas Carlyle
 CHAPTER 12
Being Humble and Being Real
Just today, I got off the phone with Coach Frank Lenti, from Mt. Carmel
High School in Chicago. If I havent said it before that is where I went to school
started a volleyball team, and met some great people.

I was calling to ask him a few questions to get some input regarding this
manual, and my tape of the month club program (
http://secretsofcoaching.com/mastermind.html).

Anyhow, my whole point of bringing this up was that Coach Frank is in the
middle of his football season. Just came out of surgery, and has won something
like 8 state titles out in the last 10 years, and he is sitting there on the phone for
about 20 minutes helping me out.

Now, this may not seem like much if you arent a terribly busy person, but
my guess is you know what it is like for people to want your time, ask you
questions, and other things like that. However, the coolest thing about Coach
Frank, is that he cared enough to help me out when he didnt have to.

So, my goal of this chapter is just to talk to you about what I think is
extremely important: Being Humble and Being Real!
Here is a scenario you may find interesting.
Scenario: How to handle the Are You Going To Win Today?
question.
Question: I personally think I have pretty good mental toughness, especially
when it comes to track. Once I get time I will read your articles, and I hopefully
will have even more of the mental edge. I don have one question though. When
you go out on to the field, court, track, whatever it may be you have to think
positive correct?
You have to believe in yourself and tell yourself you are going to win. So
what if someone comes up to you and says, "you going to win today?" There's
really only one thing to say, yes.
Unfortunately, with this, people may think you are big-headed. I feel that
it's not cockiness or conceit, rather self-confidence, especially if it's on the field. I
was just wondering if this view is correct. Thanks, I love what you are doing.

"Im going to work so that it's a pure guts race at the

end, and if it is I am the only one who can win it." ~Steve
Prefontaine~

E: To answer your question. "Yes". If someone asks me do I

think I am going to win, and if I said "no", I don't belong
out there.
However, as I get older I take a few different
approaches.
I may pre-frame it by saying, If we execute and do
x,y,z we should do well, however this is a good team, so
well have to be at our best today.
I usually try and stay humble, and give credit to my
competitor. You need to remember, every situation will
require a different response. If Im talking to my players
and we are playing a much better team, Ill say, Yes, we
just need to do x,y, and z.
If it is my team and we are playing a weaker team, I
may say something like, This team is really tough, we need
to be on our best game and do x, y, and z.
See, Im measuring the amount of tension I want to
create. If we are playing a weaker team, I want some tension
there, because it will keep my kids sharp and focused. When
playing a better team, that focus is usually there, and the
tension is usually too high. So, I try and create self-
belief, relieve tension, and give tem something specific to
focus on (i.e. x,y, and z).
Also, it depends on whom Im talking to. If its my
competitor, I may play the scared approach so they relax a
bit, and not be as on alert or as sharp as they usually are.
I have a good friend, Denise, who plays this card
extremely well. She has a way of making her opposing coaches
feel very confident about how their team is going to beat
her team because of how they are struggling. She seems to
always pull out the win. (Keep up the good work Denise!)
 If its people in general, Im getting to the point
where I dont really care to discuss winning and losing with
people, especially if the discussion is just going to be a
lot of hot air on both sides.
Think about this for a moment. Most people dont care
whether you are going to win or lose or not. They have too
much stuff in their own life going on. So, dont waste your
time.
For example, there is that whole formality of saying,
Whats new? and everyone answers Nothing.
Many people will ask me that, and honestly, there is
always something new for me. Right now, Im launching a new
website, creating more audiotapes, writing a lot, learning a
ton of information, but the truth is most people dont care!

THE RULE OF 3
I learned this a while back from one of my mentors. He
is in his 50s and in great shape. So, I asked
st
him, What
are you doing to stay in great shape?(1 time)
He very casually said, Ya know, working out.
I said, I know, but what are you doing? (2nd time)
He said, I dont know , just working out, ya know?
What! I thought. I was looking for specifics, a
schedule, plan. So I said to him one more time.
Irdgot that you are working out, but what are you doing?
(3 time)
He looked at me and said, Do you really want to know?
He went on to tell me how most people will ask things
they dont want to hear about. For example, if someone asks
me Whats new? I can say to them, Hey, do you have an
hour, because thats how long it will take them.
However, I usually respond, Ya know, some good
things.
If they inquire 2 more times, Ill then slowly reveal a few
things.
Then I watch their body language, eye movements, to see if
they are following me. If they seem to be drifting off, Ill
just change the conversation to something that is more
comfortable for them, then Ill move on.
One thing that youll need to understand, as someone
who is pushing the envelope a bit and living outside your
comfort zone, is that when you talk about your endeavors it
may make others uncomfortable. People tend to project
themselves into your dreams and try it on so to speak. So,
when talking, watch his or her physiology, and remember its
not always necessary to tell everyone what you are doing.

Some more thoughts!

A few years ago, I had dreams of being some kind of

superstar motivational speaker. Traveling a lot. Getting to
speak to thousands of people, and having them think, Oh,
this guy is awesome!

However, after being in this business for a few years,

speaking to crowds of over 1200 people, and traveling. I
could care less about any of that stuff anymore, and let me
tell you why.

The truth is, I want to have a very good life. Have a great
family, a beautiful loving wife, and some awesome kids. I
want to live in a neighborhood where when I go to the store
I may run into a friend or two. I want to learn how to golf,
go on vacations with my family, and my brothers and sisters
families.

Along with that, I want to coach, write, and continue to

expand and learn from this work that you are reading here.
My ultimate goal is to see this work in as many gyms,
fields, course rooms, pools, and/or where ever else it can
be to touch the lives of coaches and athletes so that they
can enjoy and excel in their sport. Thats it man!

I want coaches, you included, thinking that if we were at a

tournament, a bar, or anywhere else, that you could come up
and say hi. Ya see, I dont want fame and fortune, and a
few years ago, I was an idiot to actually think people would
respect me more if I had it.

In other words, Im just like you. 8 years ago, I was a

struggling coach who had a burning passion to make others
better. So, there I was reading every possible book.
Watching every videotape possible, and asking as many
questions as someone would be willing to answer.

Which brings up the other points.

People like Elaina Oden, Therese Boyle, Niels Pedersen,

Charlie Sullivan, Bruce Bullingsley, Dave Cross, Jeff
Janssenn, and so many other top level coaches and players
who were nice and humble enough to give me the time of day.

They inspired me! They gave me hope that I could be better

and make a difference in others lives.

When I made mistakes, there were people supporting me,

picking me up and pushing me a long.

Ya see, you are that person to someone else right now. Right
now, there are athletes out there looking up to you. Asking
for permission to fail, so that they can improve. Asking for
permission to succeed, so that they can know what it feels
like to be trenched with sweat, completely exhausted, and be
a champion!
You are a coach! A teacher! A friend! A hero! A mentor! A
student! And so much more!

Stand proud and share what you know to the world, because
that is why you are here.

Implementation:

Look at how you interact with people, your peers, your family, friends.
Just notice if you spend more time talking about yourself or them. From
Dale Carnegies book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, he
always said that people love talking about themselves.
Listen, Listen, Listen
Take an extra minute to compliment your opposing coach and a few
players after a tough match or game.
Take an extra minute to thank your players parents for taking the time to
watch their kid, and support your team
Call people on their bullshit. Be a straight shooter and dont bullshit
others. Thats being fake! If you want people to respect you, and see
you as someone who is real, then call things as you see them.
Talk to a kid in the stands whose running around in a jersey or has a
ball in their hand. Theyll never forget it.
Smile!
 Chapter 13
UTILIZING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND

This chapter will be utilizing your unconscious mind and teaching your

athletes how to tap into their unconscious resources. One of the things that Ive

been considerably amazed by in volleyball, in studying sports psychology,

neurolinguistic programming, hypnosis and all these other forms of performance

enhancement is the lack of the talk about the unconscious mind.

You know, years ago Abraham Maslow had the whole hierarchy of

learning and different levels of learning where he talked about where youre

unconsciously incompetent so that you dont even know that you dont know

something.

And then he talked about that you are consciously incompetent so that

you know that you dont know. And then you become, you know, consciously

competent so youve got to think about what were doing. And then after a while

you become unconsciously competent which is where you, as a coach, need to

get your athletes as quickly as possible.

Now in all these chapters and everything Ive talked about one of the

things that Ive always talked about is visualization. Now, I kind of get frustrated

sometimes because people will look at my information and go, Oh youre just

talking about visualization.

Yes! But no. I mean, visualization, in the fact that, number one, I teach

you how to do it. And, number two, the people who actually use the information

and get the best results are people who do it.

Personally, I visualize every day, probably more than most people,

probably more than I even know I do it and so do you. And so one of the
challenges that I am going to have here for you is a few ideas that may

accelerate your athletes learning abilities and yourself and possibly give you

some ideas and some different ways to be creative with it and play with it on your

own.

Now one of the key elements here is this. Number one is, just recently I

was at a volleyball game and I was talking to one of the athletes who I am friends

with and she was asking me questions because she was interested in all the stuff

that Im doing. And I said to her, I said Well you know, one of the things that, an

advance trick that you could learn is simply when you think of your past, you

know, you think about something that happened two weeks ago or three weeks

ago, you know, where does the memory come up in your mind?

HOW YOUR BRAIN ACCESSES INFORMATION!

And I saw her eye movements and they moved in a certain direction and I

noticed that she looked over to her left. And then I said, You know, can you

remember a time, maybe your last birthday or something that happened like six

months ago or a year ago? And she said yeah and she looked even further to

her left.

So what that told me right there was her past and the way her brain

interprets it is towards her left and probably makes kind of a V because the next

question I asked was Wheres the present moment and she pointed right at her

forhead. She said Its right here. Putting her hand by her face and inside her

body was the direction she pointed at.

And then I said Well where, you know, can you think of something youre

going to do in a week or two?

And she replied, she said Well, yeah, and she looked in a direction and it
was to her right and it was kind of off, veering off to the right.

Then I said Well what about, you know, two months, maybe six months

from now? And she said yeah. And I said Well now this is the question I have

for you. Well what skill that youre currently working on that youre not doing great

on will you have accomplished in just a few months or a few weeks or down the

road that you see yourself doing then?

And she was able to look at it and she was able to reply with the skill that

shes working on, something to do with her defense. (This is irrelevant thought,

because it can be any skill, that anyone is working on!)

Now I said, Okay great, so how far off into your future is it? And she

said it was about, you know, two months out and I said great. And I said why

dont you just bring it to the present moment NOW? And I used the tonal

inflection and I had her shoot out into the future looking beyond, already having

accomplished this new task. And then I asked her to just bring all those

resources that you have then back to now.

Now, as youre listening to this one of the things youll notice that Im

doing, if you have any NLP experience or read anything about using time

predicates is that all I had her do is fly out there in her mind and grab some

resources (unconsciously) and bring them back to the present moment.

Now this may seem a little bit different than anything that youve heard

before to do, but its actually how your brain organizes things. People set goals

or people have certain expectations of themselves and what they do is they say,

well, you know, in two months or three months Ill be able to do that. But the

truth is, is maybe, well, you know, one of the beliefs that NLP has is if youve

been able to do something once you can duplicate that over and over again.

Now what that means then is, all it is is getting your brain to believe and have

certain expectations of doing that activity at the unconscious level and thats the
most important level in as far as sports goes or anything you want to do in life for

that matter.

So what you can do, as a coach or as an athlete, is to look at what

expectations or what certain things do you think will happen in two months or

three months and what, you know, goals do you have maybe three, four, five, six

or seven years out that youd like to accomplish but you dont think you could do

it now.

So all you do is in your mind is notice where those goals are and then put
yourself in a light trance, so you visualize, you sit back, you relax, you close your
eyes and you look up and you look out into that direction of your future. Now
what I do is Ill look at all the things I want to accomplish or maybe even just one
goal. So whats the outcome that I want in six weeks or six months? Ill ask
myself.

And then what Ill do is in my mind fly out into that moment of what it will
feel like and everything like that, what it will feel like, sound like, what will be
different in my life when I accomplish those goals and then Ill go out past those
goals. So Ill go out maybe one week or two weeks looking back on it and so
now Im beyond it, Im outside past it.

And what happens unconsciously is your brain begins to start looking at

your life and yourself differently because, how would you see things now if youd
already accomplished them? How would you act and be if youve already been
that type of person?

So what happens is you see things differently which means you access
resources that you never had before or resources you currently had but you
didnt think you had anyhow. And then all you do is then in your mind, literally,
take the image and you shoot back to the present moment and then you act as if,
and you close your eyes and you might even fall asleep with it, as if you already
have the present state of awareness, of skills and of abilities. And at some level,
at the unconscious level, youre going to have all those things naturally. Now
thats one way that you can speed up, or you can have your athletes speed up,
the process of acting and doing certain activities and behaviors. So thats one
key accelerated learning technique.

Using Submodalities For Accelerated Learning!

Now another key technique is noticing the difference in locations of your

submodalities or the images that you have of what you think you can do and

what you cant do.

So one of the things that Ive talked often about and to an extent about

and I talk to my athletes about this stuff is- well let me tell you a quick story, lets

just start this way. One coach came up to me and said, Ed, you know, we

visualized, we did all these affirmations, we did all these cool things about
beating this team and it just didnt happen. We started off seven to nothing and

then we were down and then the next thing you know we lost.

Well, you know, one thing is, first of all, the truth was her team wasnt

physically capable of beating this team and this team would had to have played

at their worst ever and her team would had have to play at their best ever to win.

So as much as this mental training stuff works you need athletes and you need to

have a close match up physically.

The second thing was I said, Well, you know, when you think of

something that youre certain about, where do you look and where is the image?

And this happens ninety-nine percent of the time, she looked in one
direction, which for her was to the right. And then I said Well think of something

that you arent certain about like, you know, maybe something that you, a skill or

ability youre hoping to get better at but youre good at it yet.

And she looked at the other side of her. So that was one side, to her right

was certainty and one side to her left was uncertainty. And I said When I teach

visualization the key difference is is that most people look through just an image,

like they look at what they possibly could do, with the idea that they cant do it at

an unconscious level. (Reread that last statement. I had to re-read it, and Im the

one who said it;-)

So they just pick up an image and for her it would be maybe the image of

something that shed like to do would show up on her left side right by what she

doesnt think she can do. Now why that is important to notice is your brain is

literal so if you look through the looking glass over on the left side, your brain is

actually reinforcing doubt which means you cant do it, you dont think you can do

it. So you can visualize performing well all day long but if youre looking at it

through the glass window of I cant do it unconsciously then its just defeating

the purpose and actually youre reinforcing doubt every time you visualize it.

So what you do is is you think about something youre certain about. For

example, youre certain about what your house looks like, youre certain about

that you know how to tie your shoes, youre certain that you know your name.

And you notice the location of the image that represents: Yes, Im certain about

that!

Then what you do, or what I do when I visualize this, is Ill pull the thing
that Im certain about up and close in front of my face and then Ill clear the
window so that its just a window and its just clear glass. And then I pop up into
it, that which I want to occur or the habit or the skill that I want to have or, you
know, what goal or what new behaviors I want to learn.
How to Tell Your Brain You Are Better Quicker!

Then what you do is you rerun every event possible showing, you know,
your new skill through this window. So, for example, if I wanted to learn how to
be a better curve ball hitter what I would do is run my scenarios of me seeing a
ball come out of a pitchers hand and seeing the curve ball through this window
and seeing myself waiting on it and hitting it at the exact same time that Im
suppose to and driving it, you know, to the right field.

If I was in football and I was a quarterback, Id see myself anticipating

where my wide receivers will be and Ill see myself throwing it exactly and
perfectly right into their hands and Ill run that play over and over and over again.
This is great for, you know, especially complex sports where you need to learn a
lot of plays. Its also great for like, you know, runners, track athletes. Because
what they need to do is, what they could imagine is themselves running one-
tenth of a second faster or two-tenths or ten-tenths or one whole second
depending on what race theyre running.

For example, we had a guy a while back from Australia who wrote me a
nice letter saying that he cut down his three thousand meter running time by
eighteen seconds. Now that was kind of exciting but a lot of it had to do with just
mental limitations that he had.

You know, so one thing that he could have done or- you know, I know
exactly actually what he did, a lot of his challenges had to do with self-talk and
limiting beliefs- but one of the things that he could have done was, you know,
seen himself running his fastest time ever through the window of certainty. And
thats one of the sub-modalities that Ive talked about before, thats called
location.
 So what you can do with your team is, you know, teach them this basic
skill of they look in certain directions. Now if you get really advanced and you
want to go through some NLP training and stuff, you can actually move the sub-
modalities for your players or people. Ill take things with the persons skill, like I
was teaching the one girl who was asking me questions about how she can get
better, I did that with one of her skills, you know, I took it from uncertainty to
certainty and her feelings about that skill changed instantly. You probably realize
by now that the feeling and the emotional state that people are in is just as
important as anything when trying to learn new skills.

Side-note: I thought of going even more in depth regarding training the

unconscious mind for yourself and your players. But I thought this would be
enough, plus everything else in this manual to get you started.
Ill be coming out with a tape series, manual, and a 3 day boot camp, where
people who are interested in getting really advanced can learn a ton more
unconscious training methods.

Email me at Ed@uramazing.com to let me know how interested you be, plus

if you have any questions. I want to know if I am being clear and its
understandable. Thanks!
 Chapter 14
OVER 50 SCENARIOS COACHES FACE-
AND ANSWERS TO EACH ONE!
In this section, I give you over 50 different questions that Ive been asked
over the last year, by hundreds of coaches and athletes. I found that I was
answering many of the same questions. So, here is my response to all these
questions.
Take the information as my best thinking at this time. If I looked at each
scenario, I may add a couple other suggestions. Also, each answer I give is
arguable, and could be debated by some people. Personally I think that is good,
but until someone has the guts to put some answers out there, we would never
have a base to start with.
I think that this is section can possibly shortcut many mistakes that
coaches make. If you have any questions or other thoughts, please email me,
and Ill put them in my next project. Ed@uramazing.com.
How to get buy in regarding mental toughness training to your
team!
I do have one (or two) question(s) for you regarding how you present the program to your team
during the season. In particular, how do you get your team to accept the ideas and take the
exercises seriously and put forth the effort to try and change. There will be some who will try, but
then there are others who are talented, but don't seem to want to put forth the effort to get better.

Ed: Your question is probably one of the more common

ones. While, I get most of my team to really buy in, it
still takes a lot of effort on my part, and time.

With the web-site now up. I'm having all of my kids go

through it actually right now. This past weekend, we beat a
team that we haven't beaten all year, and then lost 2
matches to one of the best teams in the country (Milwaukee
Sting 15's) in 3. Both 3rd games, being very close.
nd
Sting ended up finishing 2 at Nationals.

So, I emailed them about how this may be the small

difference that pushes to the top.

In other words, I get "buy in" by entering into their

world and finding out what's most important to them. Then I
introduce the ideas based on their answers.

So, I enroll them, by eliciting information, their

personal and team goals, and values.

Then try and package the information so it is going to

help each one achieve their goals.

One thing to remember. Every individual has their own

incubation rate as far as taking ideas and implementing
them.

I'm starting to work with some college teams on how to

provide the information. Teach the team to take ownership
for it, and then space it out over a period of weeks,
months, and possibly years.

This information, and how it is presented is pretty new to

the volleyball community, and in some ways, sports in
general, so there is going to be a testing period.

Another thing to note is that every team is different, and

your approach may change from year to year.

First, Id have a handout with the following questions.

1. What is most important to you about playing volleyball
(enter your sport)?
-This elicits their values.

2. What is it that you want most out of the season?

This question elicits their goals & more values.

3. What is it that you dont want to happen this season?

-Elicits moving away from values, and negative motivators.
You would use these in situations where you need to motivate
a player. You would ask them questions like, Well, do you
want this to happen? Since already know theyll say know,
then you can set up a scenario where they choose your option
or alternative.

4. What is it that you want in a coach?

5. What is it you dont want from a coach?

6. What are your 3 best qualities?

-Allows you to get to know the person better, plus use

his/her answers if they arent showing these qualities.

7. Tell me a time when youve been happiest during sports.

-Listen to if they write about an individual or team

accomplishment. This will tell you if they are primarily
focused on themselves, or are a true team player. Its
possible to be both, but youll see some bias here. Neither
is good or bad, just take it in as information.

8. When you are being given strategy, do you want specific

details or just the big picture, or both?

-This tells you how to feed them information so they are

happy, and understand it. I get bored as heck, when someone
is giving me too much little detail. You can tell me the big
picture and most of the time Ill trust the rest.
However, I know that when I am working with others, I
need to give very specific detail if they need it. So, I ask
myself, How specifically do I need to say it, so that it
makes sense?

9. How do you know when youve been complimented?

This tells you whether they like to be complimented

Visually, auditory, or kinesthetically, and usually their
favorite learning mode.
A person may say, I know when Ive been complimented,
because coach smiles. Thats visually.
Or, I like hearing coach say, you did a good job
auditory
Or, I like to be patted on the back kinesthetically
Heres a trick. If you learn to compliment in all 3 ways, be
specific when you compliment, and give a reason. You wont
need to worry about this that much, but it helps if you are
having challenges with an athlete on your team.

10. What are your biggest fears about the season?

-Obviously, the reason I would ask this, is so I can

understand them better, and know some of the things they
are focusing on. First, if an athlete is focusing on not
screwing up, youll notice that is exactly what they do,
screw up.
So, this will allow you to help redirect them to focus
past their fears, and give their brain a different
direction.
Also, aligning with someone fears or biggest concerns
can give you a way to gain instant rapport. You can tell a
story of how when you were their age, something happened to
you that brought up these fears. Theyll instantly say, Oh,
coach knows what Im going through
Then if you want to get really advanced, you can then
link these stories to other resourceful stories, that may or
may not relate, and assist your athletes in overcoming their
fears covertly. When I do my workshops with my teams or
other teams, youll notice I start with a story with a
challenge in it, then keep segueing into many stories at
once. This is done to access certain emotional states, then
link them to resourceful states. Which allows the person to
come up with their own solutions at an unconscious level.
This particular strategy is called Multiple Embedded
Metaphors or Therapeutic Metaphors.

11. How do you know when you are happy with your
performance?

This question is great, because it tells you the rules

by which a person is operating by. If you have a player
who you feel is doing very well, but they are just not
happy, it usually comes down to this question, and the
answers they give you.
A player who gets down on themselves a lot may say,
Well, I know Im happy with my performance when I
perfectly handle every ground ball, go 4 for 4, and we
win. Well realistically, that may happen 1 out of every
10 games if you are lucky. So, I would see if I could set
up some different personal expectation for this player,
and show them how they are setting themselves up for
failure by having these rules.

Id try and get them to focus on what they could control.

Things like effort, preparation, supporting their
 teammates, mental preparation, and then just let
themselves flow.

So, above are just a series of great questions that can give
you a ton of information about your players. If you told me
that you had a player that is struggling, and you showed me
their answers to these questions, 9 out of 10 times, I can
tell you why without ever talking to the player.

Also, by asking my team these questions, I can prevent many

problems and assist my players without them ever feeling
embarrassed regarding any of their challenges, because I use
many covert techniques.

Copy these questions down, print them out, and see whats going on
inside your players heads
1. What is most important to you about
playing______________?

2. What is it that you want most out of the season?

3. What is it that you dont want to happen this season?

4. What is it that you want in a coach?

5. What is it you dont want from a coach?

6. What are your 3 best qualities?

7. Tell me a time when youve been happiest during sports.

6. When you are being given strategy, do you want specific

details or just the big picture, or both?

9. How do you know when youve been complimented?

10. What are your biggest fears about the season?

11. How do you know when you are happy with your
performance?
 How To Get A Team with Talent To Click!
First of all, I have never had a team lose more than 8 matches or
basketball games in a year. This is my first season at XYZ High. We have
talented, hard working girls. But we don't click anywhere.
This is the most frightened bunch of kids I have ever coached. But, I like
them more than any other team I have coached. My arrival and expectations of
these young players has seemed to put the weight of the world on their
shoulders. They are so scared of failing that they avoid the ball at all cost.
I always thought I was a good motivator and coach. But I have to admit,
Ed that I'm lost for answers. I can't find the key to release their anxiety. What
should I do?

Ed: I always like to start off with a questionnaire

with my team when I am confused or just want more clarity.

Some possible questions:

What do you want, specifically, out of the season?
Personally?
Team?

What would the ideal team look like in your mind?

- You may notice that this will give you more values, and
give you, your players criteria for what the ideal team
looks like

What are some fears or challenges that you have about

yourself/team/competition?

What resources or qualities do you have that will help you

overcome these challenges?
- You can never lose by asking them to elicit their positive
traits, qualities, and abilities. Plus, you may have noticed
that this question was right after the one that asked about
the challenge. It links the resources, plus presupposes
theyll overcome the challenge!

What would you like to see more or less of from me and the
team?

-So this question will get at some of the problems within

the team. You need to be open for some feedback here.

How can I support you even more to assist you in reaching

your goals?
-This will give you some feedback, but presupposes that you
are already supporting them. It's a much different question
than "What am I doing wrong?"
Also, it will give you some action steps)

There are a ton of questions you can ask for different

reasons. This is a good starting point though.
How to do team building before a major tournament with a team who is
just getting to know each other!
Any words of wisdom with mental preparation for these girls that are
really just getting to know each other and now have to play at Nationals
together with ghost of those other five girls hanging around? Thanks for
anything you can pass to me.
Ed: Yes, do some group activities where they get to share
about themselves.
So one idea:
Have them share 2 minutes with the group about themselves.
Where they grew up?
Why do they play volleyball?
What's important to them about life, school, family?

Have them partner up: (2 minutes per person exercises)

a. Share their favorite place in the world
b. One of their most embarrassing moments of them selves or
someone else
c. Share about someone they admire

(Total time: 20 minutes)

Have them switch partners each time

Another exercise is something called the bragging exercise,

They tell each other what they like, love, and admire most
about each other.
(1 minute a piece)

All of these exercises work better when someone demonstrates

them before the kids do them.
What are the benefits of being mentally tough?

Ed: The main advantage of being mentally tough is

having "choice". Choice of how you want to feel, act,
behave, think, and imagine. In all situations the person who
has more choices and flexibility in their behavior usually
wins.

Furthermore, being mentally tough is so transferable to all

areas of your life. That's where true success is. When a
person can take the same attitude, and apply it to their
job, career, friendships, hobbies, and most importantly
relationships with others.

Are there any disadvantages?

Ed: I don't think there are many disadvantages,
however, something to be aware of is that when you learn to
master you mind, and emotions, you separate in some ways
from the norm of society. So, personally I have to remind
myself that while I don't have many of the challenges that
others have, and if faced with their challenge I may respond
totally *differently, I need to respect them and realize
that we are all on our own paths.

The biggest challenge for people is when they first start

realizing that they have more options than they currently
do. Once they do that, they feel a need to share it with
everyone else. This can really bother many of your friends,
family, and people around you. So, my suggestion is to just
"live" what you want people to know, and do it for yourself.
You'll soon find that people are coming out of the wood
works to know what you know.

Oh, another possible disadvantage is that many people will

seek what
you have. Your attitude, style, and presence. When people
ask me questions about what I do, I make them ask more than
once, because I don't want to waste my time on people
testing me, or just looking to suck up my energy.

If I feel they're sincere I'll spend a ton of time with

them. If not, I'm outta there!
2. What techniques are most beneficial and provide the most
success with first time users?

Ed: Without a doubt, simply becoming aware of your

self-talk, images, and how to move your physiology! Then
learning about beliefs, questions, and Identity.
Then learning about your Values, and primary motivators.
Then I'd say learning how to apply all these skills
simultaneously in your life.

As far as techniques, there are a ton.

If I was going to make this so simple, I'd say:
1. Write out affirmations, positive self-talk.
2. Learn how to scramble negative self-talk (mickey mouse
voice technique)
3. Learn how to see yourself succeeding.
4. Learn how to Associate into positive images, and dis-
associate from negative images.
5. Write clear and specific goals that get you fired up.
6. Learn how to ask empowering and problem solving
questions.
7. Learn how to manage your physiology.

Last thing, if anyone has a chance to learn more about NLP,

it is by far, the best way to train and condition your
brain, neurology, and way of thinking.
3. How does the unconscious mind work?

Ed: Big question. Simple answer would be that your

unconscious mind is the part of you that never sleeps, has
always been there, and is there to protect you.
Your unconscious mind can take commands from you, help you
learn much faster, and some say that "ALL Change happens at
the unconscious level".
I agree with this.
If it happened at the conscious level, then all we'd have to
do is decide something to change, and it would be this easy.

Some people believe that all problems stem from the

unconscious and the conscious mind, not being in rapport
with each other.

Tools to get in touch with the unconscious mind that I use

are Hypnosis and Neurolinguistic programming. The
possibilities of using the unconscious mind are limitless,
and are based on a persons creativity.
4. What makes one person more successful at becoming
mentally tough compared to another?

Ed: I'm not really sure. Some would say genetics.

While I agree with that to a certain extent, I'd rather
focus on what people
can control. Much of it is the commitment to use the
techniques that I teach or that I mentioned above. (or any
other similar training methods).

Of course a persons upbringing, circumstances, and

experiences have a part in it, but for every story of the
person who had disadvantages as a kid and are struggling,
there is a story of person who had it worse, and made it
into the reason they succeeded.
5. Explain what NLP is and how it works.

Ed: NLP stands for Neurolinguistic Programming. It is

the study of an individuals subjective reality and how a
person unconsciously communicates to oneself.

NLP studies how a person communicates to oneself through

images, self-talk, physiology, and in what sequence they do
so.
For example, the founders of NLP are the ones who noticed
that when a person looked up and to the left, that they were
accessing a remembered image. When they looked up and to the
right, they were creating a new image.

When a person looks lateral (towards their ear) and to the

left they are remembering sounds. To the right, creating
sounds. Down and to the left, they are talking to
themselves, and down and to the right, they are accessing
feelings.

One of the coolest things about NLP is that it is not based

on content, but structure. So, for me to assist a person in
changing, I don't need to know what "happened", but how
their brain accesses the information and interprets it. So,
what structure.

In other words, do they make an image, then hear something,

then access the feeling? Are they in the picture or out of
them. Is the image distant or near? Is the image a movie or
still frame? etc.

Your brain has controls very similar to a very expensive

television. You can brighten the pictures in the brain,
change the sounds, and much more.

Now, if you were watching a movie, and started changing how

it was represented, the "feeling" of the movie would change
wouldn't it?
The same is for how you access negative or positive
memories. You can either amplify or diminish memories,
future fears, and much more. Which ultimately gives you more
choice! Which is the whole point!
What can I do at the end of the year to get my team mentally
prepared for the post-season?

Ed: One of the best things to do at the end of the year

is, have them get in groups of 3.
Then have them go over these questions. Give them 3-4
minutes per question.
You can also have them write down their answers as well.

"What has been the best parts of the season?"

"Where have we & I (personally) grown this season?"

"What challenges lye ahead of us?"

"What qualities and character, talent do we have on this

team will insure our success?"

Then have them share with the whole group!

 Success Questions!
True Champions Focus on What They Do
Control, And Focus All Their Efforts On
Those Variables.
What has been the best parts of the season?

Where have we & I (personally) grown this season?

What challenges lye ahead of us?

What qualities and character, talent do we have on this team

will insure our success?

Today, the lion and gazelle awake to survive. If the

gazelle outruns the lion, the lion doesnt eat. If the lion
outsmarts the gazelle the gazelle dies. Such is life. True
freedom is in becoming absolutely certain that if you were
either the gazelle or the lion, you would find a way to
win!
Scenario: One Players negative attitude is bringing down the team!

I mentioned my problem attitude player to you when you were at

xyz High School last month. Well today she was mopping around again.
She was not being as successful as she needed to be at practice. Her
attitude was not horrible, but she was costing us energy rather than giving
us energy back.

What are some things I could say to her to get her give energy back to the
team. For example, kids were trying to pep her up, and not create an electric
intense atmosphere. Finally, they just wanted to play so they ignored her as well.
What questions should I ask her. Her problem is she is disappointed in her play.

She is 6'1" and very good. But she is not perfect and not the best player I
have. I gave a survey like you suggested and found she expects perfection in
order for her to feel successful. In addition, according to her, She likes to be told
what she does wrong quietly and very briefly, She hates "when a coach over
explains and dwells".

With all this information, I chose to ignore her and talk to her friendly after
practice, but not about her attitude. We have talked about it much in the past! I
really want to help her to be happy and positive.

Ed: It sounds like you are doing some of the right

things.

One thought:
Ask her privately or on the side.
What is it you really want out of practice/volleyball?
Listen to her....

Then say something like,

"How is walking around like with your head down, and
ignoring your teammates when they are trying to pep you up,
going to help?"

"For example, have you ever been to a bad movie before?"

She should say "Yes"

"Well, lets say you and I went to this horrible movie, and
then a week later I called you up and was like, Hey lets go
to that movie again! That would be kind of stupid wouldn't
it?"

She should say, "Yes"

"So, wouldn't you agree it doesn't make much sense to keep
replaying the movies inside your head that don't support you
or make you better?"

She should say, "Yes"

"You know that I want to support you, don't you? And I want
to do whatever it takes to make you successful.
So, can we make an agreement that you help me support you in
staying up about yourself and supporting the team"

Now, you then can agree on certain agreements about behavior

in practice and maybe set a silent signal with each other
that lets her know if she needs to change her physiology or
interrupt her negative thoughts.
How do I handle a player on my team always taking over my position?

ED: Approach your coach very casually and say

"Coach, can I ask you a question?
Say:
One of the things I'm noticing when playing defense is that
I'm getting confused on where I need to be for my position,
because sometimes when I think it is my ball, "sandy" will
come in front of me or ___(tell him/her whatever else
happens)+_+++...

Now, I know that "sandy" is awesome on defense, I'm not

complaining,
I just need a little more clarity so that I can best support
the team.

Also, I'm thinking if I'm this confused there may be others

who are as well"

Pretty much you want to get across, "How can you help me
support the team more on defense, b/c right now, I'm
confused"

Whenever I have a challenge with someone I usually try and

clarify the situation first, so that it just isn't a
misunderstanding.
The person you are talking about probably has no clue that
you or
the other girls on the team are so bothered by this.
We just get too focused and then we make aggressive errors. How could
we prevent this from happening?

Ed: I hope this email isn't too late. I didn't notice

the dates below:-(
Anyhow, my guess is being too aggressive is you guys are
probably getting too excited and amped up in a sense. Your
team needs to relax a bit, focus in the moment of what you
can control, then let the game flow.

Our coach does visualizations when the junior varsity team is on there
second game.

Ed: How do you guys come out of the visualizations? Too

relaxed, tired, perfect mind frame?
My thinking is that if all of you are going into a deep
state, it may take you a bit to fully be present. My
suggestion would be to do the visualization before the JV
match, but I'm all about not changing what's working fine.
And she said we would work on the focusing part so we can play up to our
potential. When we were playing xyz high school there was a girl that had
a wicked jump serve. How can you read where it is going?

Ed: Watch her ball toss, and the spin she puts on it.
Also, chart a few of her jump serves, (where did they go?)
Then position yourself so that you can keep the ball to the
midline to the left side of your body. Stay lower, more of a
defensive position.
Also, right as she goes back to jump serve, walk up to the
ref, tell him your shoe's untied and tie it.
Or say there is a wet spot and get a towel. Anything to
interrupt her routine.
Problems are the Seed of Innovation

"Understand that most problems are a good

sign.
Problems indicate that progress is being
made, wheels are turning, you are moving
toward your goals.
Beware when you have no problems. Then
you've really got a problem. Problems are
like
landmarks of progress."
-Scott Alexander
Contributed by one of my players, Jill Cunningham
How to Handle Advanced Leap Frog Theory Experiences
Hey Ed,

I'm sorry that I missed being able to see you last weekend though, but I'm
grateful you didn't get the chance to see me play. It was all in my head and I got
frustrated like I often do but didn't take control of myself. So Friday night was a
disaster. But I cleaned up Saturday and realized that I was trying to do too much
with my team. Now I am just focusing on making myself a better player and
improving my game and I'm seeing immediate results. You would have been
disappointed in my negative mental game at certain points in the season, but I
realized what I was doing and thinking wrong and changed that. I actually
listened to your visualization tape and did some more exercises. And I had a
question for you? I have been trying to apply the leap frog stuff to me, but it
doesn't seem to be working? Do I have to change my mindset for it? Hope to
hear from you soon.

Ed: First, I wouldn't be disappointed in your mental

state.
One thing I realize is that we are human, and you are
evolving both physically, mentally, and spiritually, etc. So
for every step you are taking, like learning new skills,
being put in a leadership position where you are leading
people who don't know as much as you or want it as bad, etc.
You still 'get' to develop new skills at each intersection
of life.

Second, regarding leap frog is that you need to have real

expectations for yourself physically, while knowing where
you are going to be mentally and physically in the future.

For example, how I relate to it right now is, I know I am

going to be a mult-millionaire at a young age. Right now, I
am not there, but my mentality needs to be thinking at that
level. So, I'll say to myself, "I am a multi-millionaire
marketing expert" or "I am the leading expert in the world
at showing coaches how to get the most out of their players"
While that may or may not be true, I know it will be and I
personally am leaping ahead of any mental blocks that may be
there first, then I'll leap over the physical blocks at an
accelerated rate in real life.

You are doing great. Your awareness continues to amaze me.

I'm not worried one bit about you, because I know where you
are headed. Stay focused on that!
How do I get my team to focus on the positive and stay confident during
a match/game?
They focus on their negative results. I did the "creating a positive past"
with them but they revert back to focusing on the negative. Is there a better
way to do this? Especially during a match?

Ed: As a coach, much of managing your teams emotional

state has to do with the questions you ask, your own
emotional state, and where you direct their focus.

Usually when my team is struggling, or even when we are

winning, I use the 3 keys rule.

It may go like this:

1. What has been happening in the game?
2. What we can do to change it?
3. What we are going to?
Very specific feedback during timeouts is the best if you
need to direct their focus.

Rick Pitino, John Wooden, and many other great coaches have
been known to only say 3 words, quick phrases or even just 1
point in a huddle. They may say just 1 point, but repeat it
10 times. This way, you know your players here it.

Another example is, sometimes if my team is down, I'll say

something like:
Okay, so 4 of the last 6 plays we lost, because of us not
being in the correct position and staying disciplined, which
tells me that if we stay at our defensive positions, we'll
turn this around quickly.
So, this is what we are going to do.
Get 3 digs, a few aggressive swings, and take over this
match.
Got it? Okay let's go!

This is another strategy that works pretty well, because Im

aligning with what they all know: We just lost 4 of the 6
plays.

Then I give them a reason why this is happening: Because we

arent in the correct position. Now, one thing you may want
to know is that I will make this up, if I dont know the
reasons. I do this, because your brain is searching for
meaning, and if you dont give it to your players, theyll
have no reason to believe you when you tell them your
counter attack strategy.
Then I give them the what we will do is strategy. Then I
send them out.

Most importantly, you must convey the message that you truly
believe in what you are saying. The best leaders are people
who can convince an army that they will win, and find a way
to do so, when he or she isnt sure of victory him/herself.
Regarding Managing Your Teams Emotional State
Ed: When I see my team feeling really tense, sometimes
I may get really relaxed and almost seem very non-chalant
about the other teams run or streak. I may smile, or if the
crowd is going crazy for the other team, I may make a smart-
alek comment like, Oh no, they just scored 3 points, lets
get really worried!

This is done in a joking manner. That will get some of

my players smiling and relaxing a little bit.

If my team is too relaxed, I'll get louder, talk more,

give more feedback and push them harder. I get what I call
anal. I drive them more for perfection during each point.
The expectations get higher, and the focus gets put back on
execution, not the score.

Another key thing Ive noticed when observing other

great coaches, is that when things are really tight, and
your team is struggling, it all goes back to fundamentals.

When I spent a day with the Mt. Carmel High School Football
Team, who have one 8 State Titles in the past 10 years. When
they were losing, theyre coaches always reverted back to
the basics. Refocusing their players back to doing the
simple things really well.

Just recently, Michael Jordan was interviewed and asked to

give his opinion on the big difference between when he
played
nd
earlier and now as he just came out of retirement for
the 2 time.
He said that the thing he notices more now than before is
the importance of blocking out. Proper defensive position.
Making accurate passes. The small things are the things that
make the major difference. That is why Tiger Woods spends
extra time on the driving range after he just played 18
holes in a Major.

That is also why Wade Boggs and other great hitters in

baseball used to hit off a tee for an hour after a full day
playing a game. That is also why Olympic level runners spend
extra time working on technique and form running when they
have already done it thousands of times.
How to Talk To Your Team About Eliminating Their Laziness
I just had a MAJOR discussion about being lazy and lack of motivation.
How can I have this same conversation, but make it into a positive end
result?

Ed: Next time you have a conversation to end the

laziness, have a conversation, led by you asking questions,
that talks about what the opposite of laziness is. Which is
aggressiveness, hard-work, persistence, motivation, just to
name a few.

Id ask them:
Why is being aggressive, working hard, and being relentless
important?

Are we capable of doing it? (Positive tone)

Great! So, what will it look like when we do it?

(This question helps your team get on the same page, and
have a common goal.)

Then, you can pair them up and have them have a 2 minute
conversation about:
One way I am currently supporting our team to be
aggressive is
An area I can improve upon is
I will do it by this
The difference it will make to the whole team is

If you notice, I always start conversations or exercises

with a positive question. This allows them to access some
inner resources, before I ask them harder questions.

How To Deal With Your Team After A Failure!

Congratulations on your outcome at the Nationals.
With regard to your girls losing to the 24th place team after beating last year's
champs. How do you keep your composure after something like that?
I coached 16's this past season. I've had them since 14's and will have
them one more season as 17's. Sometimes I get angry with them when they
repeatedly do something wrong that we've worked on 100 times. And, yes, I've
yelled at them to show my frustration. Afterwards, I feel horrible about it, but it's
too late then.
What has your experience been with something like this? Thanks.
 Ed: I was upset and angry, but there comes a point
where you only have so much control over them and results
for that matter.

One of my good mentors told me that I could have beaten my

own kids up more and pushed them, and it may have worked
short-term, but long term it is detrimental.
I agree with that, and would rather make it a learning
experience.

I manage my emotions the same way I teach people how to do

it in my courses. Through my self-talk, images, physiology,
and most importantly, the questions I ask myself.
How do you stay positive with the kids when things in the game are going
very bad?

Ed: Staying positive is all a function of what you

focus on.
What you say to your self. How you see what is going on.
And how you move your physiology.

Now, here is the most important thing: The questions you ask
yourself in tough moments direct your focus the most.

For example, if you say "Why do we suck so bad?"

You'll get answers that support why your team is sucking.

However, if you asked:

"Okay, we suck, but what is one thing I can do to make a
difference here?"
"What is it that I'm missing, that if I saw would make a
major difference here right now?
"What can I do right now to support my team more?"

Simple thought:
"How do I want to choose to feel right now?"
"What's good about this situation?"

2 years ago, I had a terrible team, and after every loss I'd
have them get into partners and answer:
"What was good about the game?"
"Where can we still improve?"
"What will we do next time?"
"What do I need to differently to take more ownership for
it?"
How to Take Disappointment And Create A Game Plan For
Success
Ed: Last summer, I returned from the Volleyball
National Championships where my 15 and unders finished 19th
in the Open division, and my 16's finished 11th in Open.

One of the best things about Nationals is that it is an

extremely intense environment that is almost impossible to
duplicate during training. The result of this is a lot of
new learnings for my players and myself.

Here are some of the things that I noticed are important to

succeed at Nationals:
1. Leaders Must Dominate: The leaders on your team must step
up their game big time when you are playing teams you are
physically bigger and stronger than.

My 15's beat Puerto Rico (defending National Champs, and the

#1 seed), the first match of the tournament.
Then the very next match lost to the #24 seed. This should
never happen!

2 things I'm going to do with my teams next year to make

sure this doesn't happen.
#1) During the year when we play weaker teams, make sure we
execute and finish off teams as cleanly and quickly as
possible. Never allowing them back in the match, and
respectfully win the match.

#2) Make my expectations a lot more clear of what I want of

my top players. The easiest way to lose is when you top
players make 8 errors out of the first 11 plays.

In reality, you just beat yourself!

Lesson #2: Defense Carries You A Long Way, and Can Win
Championships!

Credit has to be given to Munciana 16's and Kevin their

coach. Their 2 biggest hitters were out of the front row. 1
played backrow only, while the other one was out of the
tourney, due to injury.

With all that, they still won their pool, and made it into
the final four before losing.

When I went to Mt. Carmel H.S., the football team whom has
won the State Championship like 8 of the last 10 years
always has the best defense in the state. Years when they
struggled offensively, they found ways to win, because their
defense would create turnovers, points, and put the offense
in scoring position.

In every sport, defense is a major key to winning

championships and is most overlooked by coaches.

Next Year: I'll be a lot more disciplined with making sure

my teams are a lot stronger on defense and staying
disciplined themselves.
Lesson #3: Players Taking Ownership.
Probably what I learned the most at nationals than anything
else, is that you can be the smartest coach, be the best
trainer, and have the best athletes, but if they don't
realize that they are the ones who must make things happen
on the court. You will lose and struggle.
How To Help Your Team Bounce Back From A Tough Loss?

How can I as a coach help the girls stay in the game mentally. We seem to
have fallen back to our old habits. We played last night and we make one
mistake after another . Please help me.

Ed: All this is, is re-focusing your team.

Sometimes it's really easy, and other times you need to work
a bit, but the concept is still the same.

The real question is: How do I re-focus them?

Right?

Well, first make sure you have your own focus managed and
moving in a pro-active, solution oriented mode.

Second, you then ask questions to the team.

"What are some things we did well?"

"What are some things we need to keep improving on?"

"How did we prepare for last nights game, that was different
than against team x (pick a team that you guys played well
against)?"

"Do we have what it takes to bounce back from this?"

"Why?" (This is in a positive tone) The question "why"

associates them to their positive resources.

"What can you do personally (or as a team) to contribute to

that?"
(This may be a good time to split them into pairs and have
them talk for 1 minute a piece on

"What I can do for the team is...."

Remember, this is done in a sincere up beat tone, most

likely they'll be expecting you to be down. So surprise
them!
How A New Head Coach Gains Respect From Their
Team

I was recently hired for my first head varsity volleyball position at the high
school where I have been coaching the past 5 years. I began my coaching
career when the now seniors were in the 7th grade.
I am in a very unique situation. I have at one time or another coached all but 1 of
the girls that will make up this years varsity team. The past three seasons have
seen three different varsity coaches. I being the 4th. As a J.V. coach last season,
we were undefeated and won 5 of our 7 tournaments.

Although I feel great about that, the varsity teams in our league are very good. I
really want to make a run for the league title and district championship. I like
your lessons on the mental toughness. Our team really needs it and I know it will
help.

But honestly, I am just as concerned about how I will manage the day to
day practices and things. My career in coaching volleyball has progressed much
faster than I anticipated. Everything I have learned about volleyball has come
from books, classes, and previous coaches. I have never played on an
organized team.

Can you recommend any good books or any type of resource that could
help with organizing practices, skill development, different offensive and
defensive systems and things like that. I feel very good about teaching individual
skills, and to this point I was able to keep things very simple as far as offensive
and defensive is concerned.

After a few summer league type scrimmages this week, I have felt a little
intimidated coaching at this level. I need to develop a better middle attack with
this team, and work on defense. I would love to be able to turn this program
around. I truly believe in this group of young ladies, who have been through lot
of coaching changes. There is no doubt that the varsity team that I will have is
by far the best our school has seen in a long time.

Ed: Here are a couple thoughts:

The more organized you are and prepared you are the more
you'll look like you know what you are talking about.

1st, and most important is make sure your are gaining

rapport with your kids.
Work them hard. Know what you are talking about, and make
sure you spend some extra time getting to know them.
Something I do is ask, "What are some of the biggest
challenges at your age?"
How is that different than last year?

This allows them to share, and they'll be like, "Oh, coach

cares about us!"

Don't force this though, some kids will be sharing like

crazy while others will watch you and test you. Make sure to
stay non-judgmental.

If they say something to you and you give a negative

reaction or are totally shocked then they'll think you can't
relate.

You will always have a player or players that talk about

topics such as, drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, violence,
parties, fighting, music, profanity, and anything else that
is out there.

Many times, theyll use a new movie that just came out to
bring up any of these topics. An example, is any of Tom
Greens movies, American Pie I & II, and any other movies
involving such themes.

When they bring up these topics they are testing you. They
want to see how youll respond. Now, there is no one way to
respond. Some coaches may prefer to know what is real in
their players minds and lives, while others would rather not
know. Its up to you.

There are a couple things you may need to know though to

legally cover yourself though. For example, talking about
sex to your players if they are minors may not be the
smartest thing, especially if you are the opposite sex.

One thing Ive said in the past is, Ya know, I totally want
to support you guys in whatever is going on in your life,
and some topics can put me in a bind if you bring them up
for me. So, Id feel more comfortable if we dont have a
conversation about xyz.

Or, Ive also taken the approach of just smiling, and saying
Easy now. Thatll be enough of that.

This may get the same message across, but in a more light-
hearted manner. You be the judge.

Another thing to realize is, that you are one of the biggest
influences in their lives, whether they or you like it or
not. Its just true.

Moving forward...
Other than that, create the vision for your team, and create
a consistent agreement within the team, and then go for it.

Allow yourself to change the vision though, as your team

progresses or doesn't.

Set high goals, but realistic. There is nothing better than

being an optimist, but you dont want to be the guy who
tells everyone they can fly, and then lead them to a cliff.

So, be honest, have a good perspective, and maybe get

feedback from other coaches on where they think your team
realistically should be at. This can be great geedback,
because they are not attached to your team.
Coaching Resources:
Rick Pitino, Success Is A Choice- Excellent book and tapes.

Lou Holtz, Winning In Life. Lou is one of the best

motivators, most ethical guys out there.
Phil Jackson- Master at taking Eastern Wisdom and applying
it to competition.
John Wooden- They Call Me Coach, Pyramid of Success- Most
Successful Basketball coach ever. Master at focusing on the
fundamentals. He used to say that he never scouted other
teams, but focused his team solely on themselves. It worked
back then, but I think the strong point was he focused on
execution so well.
Ansen Durance-Most NCAA Soccer Championships, Hes a soccer
coach, but you can learn a ton about creating competitive
teams by reading his book. He has some great applications
especially for female athletes.
Denis Waitley(Psychology of Winning)- First tape series and
book I ever read on sports psychology.
Jeff Janssen, 7 Cs To A Championship Team, plus other team
building resources. You have to check out Jeffs stuff. Hes
got great stuff at his website, http://www.jeffjanssen.com

Arie Selinger: Power Volleyball (Best volleyball book I ever

read)
Mike Hebert (Coach of University of Minnesota: This is
another great book. You can find just about any book with
drills, just got to some of the other volleyball web-sites,
and they'll have resources.
Dave Cross: Volleyball Cybernetics. Excellent book on mental
toughness specific to volleyball. http://www.yesican.com
John Kessel: Volleyball. John writes a lot of the CAP
accreditation stuff, and has a huge email data base.
Outstanding at teaching people the fundamentals, the love of
the game, and really gets it at heart. John was one of my
first influences regarding communicating with players,
setting up drills, and being a positive influence in sports.

Other people to check out are: Mary Wise, Terri Pettit, and
if you have any other suggestions from different sports,
please let me know Id love to add them on.
How to do team building before a major tournament with a team who is
just getting to know each other!
Any words of wisdom with mental preparation for these girls that are
really just getting to know each other and now have to play at Nationals together
with ghost of those other five girls hanging around? Thanks for anything you can
pass to me.
Ed: Yes, do some group activities where they get to
share about themselves.
So one idea:
Have them share 2 minutes with the group about themselves.
Where they grew up?
Why do they play volleyball?
What's important to them about life, school, family?

Have them partner up: (2 minutes per person exercises)

a. Share their favorite place in the world
b. One of their most embarrassing moments of them selves or
someone else
c. Share about someone they admire

(total time: 20 minutes)

Have them switch partners each time

Another exercise is something called the bragging exercise,

They tell each other what they like, love, and admire most
about each other.
(1 minute a piece)

All of these exercises work better when someone demonstrates

them before the kids do them.
 How to prepare an athlete for tri-outs!

Ed-I am going to be a freshman this year and I am going to play volleyball.

I am really nervous about the whole thing. I'm afraid if I go there I am going to be
really nervous and make a fool out of myself, and NOT make the team. And I
was wondering if you could tell me anything that could help make me not so
nervous and maybe help me be a better player. Thank You very much for your
help!

Ed: Yes, here's an idea.

Only focus on performing very well.
Shake off your mistakes and STAY AGGRESSIVE!!!
Coaches look at that.

Make sure you are in great shape. Being in the best shape
possible will give you an advantage over other athletes who
are relying solely on talent.

Most importantly GET TO THE FRONT OF EVERY LINE FOR EVERY

DRILLS!

Make sure the coaches are seeing you work hard, encouraging
others and bouncing back quickly from your mistakes!

Some other ideas. Go up to the coach in a different setting

before the tri-out, and ask them what they are looking for
in an athlete for their team.

Tell them you are trying out and that you would love to play
for them. Dont kiss up here, but let your intentions known.

Also, another thing to look at in club sports, since so many

athletes tri-out for multiple teams, is to let them know
that if you make their team, you are going to stay with
their team.

Say this only if it is true, of course.

Scenario: Player worrying about whether he is practicing what he
preaches.

E:I included this in this book, because my bet would be that

many of the coaches who read this manual are really going to
need to look at their own beliefs and behaviors, and make
some changes in order to teach this information congruently.
Read the following, and then Ill explain more.
This past basketball season I listened to your tape prior to every game. It really
got me focused and helped me visualize on my goals. I've always been
fascinated with the mental aspect of athletics.

I always find myself helping friends with problems when it comes to sports. I
guess I just have never "practiced what I preach."
Ed: Not necessarily. One thing about getting assistance
from your friends or others is that they are not associated
to the emotion like you are when it is your own personal
problem.

So, they may be able to see things clearer. However,

one of the first things anyone must do to overcome a problem
is get dis-associated and out of the emotion first. This is
backwards from what traditional psychology says, but I know
that what I teach works based on results not theory. So, you
are practicing what you are preaching.

Changing gears:

Ed: See, as a coach, You may be in a position where by

learning some of this material, you are going to have many
opportunities to support your athletes in ways you were
never able to before. For example, if you are struggling
with your own self-talk, physiology, how can you teach it to
someone.

Well, no one is asking you to be an expert at it in

order to teach it. My thoughts are, the best way to learn
something is to teach it to others and do it yourself.

For example, I rarely visualize setting the ball

anymore, because I rarely play. However, when I did play, I
visualized setting all the time.

Even today, I do visualize what I want my team to look like.

I do visualize how I want my future to look like, and see
myself achieving my goals.
 Currently, Im learning to be more productive and
organized. I am no where close to mastering it, but if
someone asked me a way they can be those things, Id share
what I know.

Some of the best ways to learn is by doing, sharing,

and teaching all at the same time!
The I dont know what I want to be, when I grow up! Phenomenom!
Since it's my junior year I've been spending a lot of time and thinking
about where I'd like to go to college and what I'd like to pursue as a career. I find
myself wanting to do what you do; I want to help athletes!
Mentally. From researching on the internet it seems that sports
psychology is the way to go for college. I was wondering if you could e-mail me
back and tell me the steps you took to become what you are today.

Ed: Well, my path is a little different, but I'm happy

to share. I went into nursing, because I wanted to help
people. Then my Junior year I saw some motivational
speakers, and loved it. I said to myself "That's what I want
to do" and went for it. I made a lot of mistakes business
wise, but am learning from them and on the brink of really
having things take off.

After a year or so, I realized I wanted to have more

impact than just speaking to people, so I studied and was
trained in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) which is the
study of "Modeling Excellence" and the study of "Subjective
Reality". There is no assuming things or putting people in
boxes. Every person I work with I find out how they do their
emotions or negative patter in the brain at an unconscious
level, then I assist them in retraining their brain through
NLP techniques and Hypnosis.

I did look into Sports Psychology as a possibility

after college, but was way ahead of most of the people, and
I was already getting results with athletes, so at that time
it would've been a step back. Now, the degree probably would
help me, but I don't know.

However, if I was in your position I think you are,

thinking along the right tracks. As you go through it, I'd
be happy to keep in touch and mentor you anyway I can...The
key to all things is to focus on the results, and being
flexible. If you can do that then you'll be open to more
things and get better results than anyone around you.
Can anyone have Tiger Woods concentration and
focus?
What do you think gives Tiger his great concentration and focus. It's
funny, you never heard him mention the mental side of his game. Almost like he
doesn't want to reveal how he concentrates and focuses so well.
Ed: Well, I can't tell you for sure what he does. However,
one thing that is probably true is that he values the mental
aspect and personal health part of the game than most
golfers. I do believe his cultural up bringing helps with
that, however, I do know that beliefs can be instilled in
someone unconsciously.

For example, if you gave me a list of Tiger's beliefs

and values, I can spend time with David Duvall (or anyone)
and instill them in him, and you may see David's game get
better when his matches are tighter.
One thing I also believe is that Tiger's reality of
what he is capable of is pretty unbelievable. I said a while
back that Tiger must have beliefs that he can get much
better or else we'll see him backslide in the near future
because he'll get bored and burnout.

However, I don't know if that will ever happen. He's a

lot like Michael Jordan in competitiveness and attitude, and
one thing I know about MJ is that if things get too easy,
he's onto the next thing.
rd
I wrote this before he came back to the NBA for the 3
time. Not a bad prediction. Also, Tigers game has
backslided a little, but thats not unexpected. My
prediction is that hell bounce back up in the ranks and
have a great year again. However, I dont think it will be
as good as the previous one.
 Scenario: Im not as good in High School as I am in club, and its my
coaches fault!
I am really good and this year I didnt hardly get to play and I have no idea why.
My coach was really mean and not one single person on my team liked her, not
even the parents. I would rather not see her face ever again, she is one of my
least favorite people right now.
I tried to be nice I never complained I respected her till she never
respected us back, then I just never cared anymore. I play on a club team and
every one tells me how good I am but when I get to school Im not very good, and
I have no idea why. I just want to be as good as I am in club at school. Do you
have any suggestions for me
Sidenote: (Ive included this, because I think its good for
coaches to really know how some players think. If you listen
to what this kid is saying, youll see she has some negative
anchors built up about this coach. My bet is that that is
one of the main reasons shes struggling so poorly. Below is
my response to her.)

Ed:One thing that is occurring is that I would be

willing to bet that how you communicate to yourself when you
are in club is majorly different than when you are in high
school season. I do understand why.

Now, you have to understand that how you feel will

create how you perform, and your communication to yourself
creates how you feel. I'm going to send you my ebook if you
haven't already read it.

Read the first few chapters again if you already have,

and then project yourself into the future using these
strategies on your high school team.

I am sorry to hear your coach is so negative and

doesn't make it fun. That's not the point of sports, and
that is why I'm so passionate about what I do.

Also, what will your life be like, how will play once
you have gotten over any challenges you have with your
coach, so that when you walk into the gym, you can walk on
the court and feel totally confident very soon, maybe today,
or tomorrow, cant you?
 Scenario: Players who think they are too good

This next scenario can be transferred to every imaginable sport that exists.
I coach Varsity and some of my girls think that they are good enough already.
For example, one of my girls hits the ball and gets a kill, but she doesn't break
her wrist or swing as hard as she could. I tell her that she didn't break her wrist
and her reply to me is "but coach, I got a kill". To me, that's not the point, the
way I think is that if you would have broke your wrist, it would have been an even
better kill.

Ed: Your situation is very common.

Here's a few ideas that may help.

First, understand that she probably wants to be validated,

and rewarded for her kill. Also, sometimes people like
immediate feedback while other times they need a little bit
of space and time. So, some things to look at are:

1. How you are setting up the feedback?

What I will say to a player, if she just dug a good ball,
but could be better is, "Ashley, way to get your feet there
and run through the ball, and one thing that will make it
even better is to drive your head to zone seven...make
sense?"
Or
Ashley, way to get your feet there and run through the
ball, and lets make sure we drive our head to zone seven.
Cool?"

These are just two ways. Notice in both examples, I validate

her first, then I use the word "and" instead of the word
"but", which keeps her open to the suggestion.

Notice how I use the word "even better", so there is a

presupposition that it was already a good play.

Then I'll ask a small question so they acknowledge me, and I

know they understand my feedback.

In the second example, notice how I used the word "lets" and
"we".

The statement this makes is that we are working on this

together. All these things small, but if you can become
precise in your communication you will be a master
coach/teacher!

How can this be done in any sport?

Hey John, way to get in front of the ball, and make the
long throw. Next time, lets make sure we get our feet
turned around faster, so your using your whole body, and not
just your arm. Make sense? Good job.

Hey Eric, you missed long when crossing the ball. So, next
time, lets make sure we leave it a bit shorter to his front
foot.

Just a side note, one thing you need to evaluate before

giving feedback is, "Is it really necessary for me to give
it at this moment?"

Some feedback is best to give immediate when other times,

the point you want to make will take much longer than just 2
sentences.

So, I'll make notes, a lot of the time, that will remind me
of what I want to work on in practice or talk to my players
about.

One more idea, is reinforce when she does it right. So, when
you see her snap her wrist, give a big "Outstanding" or "Way
to snap/follow through on that swing" (make sure there is no
"I told you so" in your tonality and that it is sincere)

Another way to assist this athlete is to do one of the

questionnaires in this manual. Find out what he or she is
thinking, and align with them. That is always my first step
when I find that Im out of sync with a player(s).
Scenario: How does a Young Coach (or any coach) get respect from
their team?
She can be a good athlete, but she has a major attitude problem and doesn't
respect me. I am 22 years old coaching varsity and I think it's because I am
close to their age that she doesn't respect me. We won districts this year for the
2nd year in a row. How do I get these girls motivated to work hard, especially
her? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Ed: Simply put, stop trying to get her to respect you.

Make sure you are very organized, you run solid practices,
and when in game situations give specific tactics on how to
beat the other team or continue to improve. One of my
mentors once said, "I never let my self esteem be determined
by a teenager!"

Finally, there are a few other things you can do to keep

them motivated. One give a questionnaire that asks, "What's
important to you about the season?" What do you enjoy most
about playing?"

What can I do to support you, so that you want to be here

and give 110% effort while here? How can I be a better
coach?
What one think added or subtracted would make a positive
impact on yourself and the team?

Now, most coaches are afraid to get this feedback, but you
may learn a lot and I do it every year with all of my teams.
It is a major way of aligning with the players.

P.S. Your age has nothing to do with any of it. I'm only 26
yrs old and teach people twice my age things they didn't
know before.

It's positioning yourself as someone who cares,

knowledgeable, and can give them specific feedback on making
them better. If you can show that, they'll follow you,
regardless of your age.
 How to get other coaches to use this material

I did read the book I downloaded and thought it was GREAT. The reason for my
interest is I have a 14 year old daughter who plays Volleyball and Softball and
thought it could benefit her. Getting her to read it hasn't been successful as yet.
But, hopefully soon she will and put your suggestions to work. I am going to
forward your letter to her coaches. I'm just a little apprehensive about doing so
because I don't want them to think they're current coaching techniques are
inadequate. Hopefully they will read your letter with an open mind and be as
interested as I was.

Ed: I'm glad you enjoyed the book, and I understand

what it is like trying to get teenagers to sit down and
read. Right now, most of the parents of my players have read
my books, while only a few or the players have. That will
change soon though :-)

Something you may consider is letting the coaches know

that this sounds right up their alley, or "I know you are
always looking for ways to get even better, so I wanted to
share this resource with you." Now, you know the coaches
better than I do, so use your own good judgement.
What to do when your best player is afraid and lacks self-confidence!
Using sub-modalities for Confidence!

I play Rugby League (Professionally) and with the amount of competition

for international selection (Great Britain) I always feel a lesser player
around these other players. Even though various newspapers say I am the
best player in the squad can you help me get over this feeling?

Ed: First become aware of your physiology, self talk

when around them.

Secondly, I'd be willing to bet that when you view

yourself next to them in your mind (images), you are making
them bigger than you, tougher looking than you, and better
than you.

So, what you need to do is notice how you see them in

your mind.

Then shrink them down to look like midgets with daffy

duck voices and see yourself grow bigger than them, and in
you best kick ass voice hear yourself, saying right to them,
"I'm going to beat the *&^&%^ out of you, and I am going to
dominate you like you've never been dominated before.

The other thing you can do is take you favorite animal

who can kick some butt, i.e. lion, panther, etc.. and
imagine watching a panther approaching your opponent as if
it was going to pounce on them, and imagine yourself sliding
into the panther and you having the same attitude the
panther would have....

Side-note: What I just taught this athlete was a simple use

of visual and auditory sub-modalities. He interpreted his
competition as being tougher, bigger, and more dominating
than him. Its because it was how he was running his brain.
Using the sounds in his heads, and moving his physiology.

This is a classic case where there was such a simple

intervention, but if he had gone to someone who wanted to
find out why he was scared, hed most likely be in therapy
right now searching in his past. Sorry, but thats not
necessary.
 When is the best time to Visualize?

I've heard that it's best to visualize yourself improving just before you go
to sleep, because then you'll think about it 14 times during the night or
something, so you improve in your sleep if you do it correctly. I've tried,
but my mind wonders when I try to focus on the one thing, which at the
moment is catching a football. Im a wide receiver.
Is there any particular way in which I could focus on that easier to get
better results?
Ed: You are doing the right things. One thing you can
do is imagine something you are already familiar with, like
a picture of your room or your front door. Then clear the
screen, but keep the frame of the picture in your mind as
you begin to watch the movie of yourself playing.
Now, one thing that you can do to support you even if
your mind starts to wander is to give yourself the command
after you've watched yourself do it perfectly a couple
times.

"Now, I'd like my unconscious mind to take this movie

and play it hundreds of times as I sleep and dream tonight.
I want it to play so much that my muscles and mind integrate
it so that when I step on the field tomorrow all the days
after that, I'll continue to get better and better
everyday!"

Let me unconscious run through 100s of different pass

patterns, and run through every obstacle that might be in my
way, but see me successfully overcoming each one!

NLP note- Heres a question for you. Which submodalities am I using in this
advice? Email me and let me know: Ed@uramazing.com
How to make this information work with all ages

Ed: When teaching mental toughness, Ive taught this

information to professional athletes from many different
countries, to little 7 year-old ice skaters.

What I have found is that if you can give me a committed

adult who really wants to kick butt. Youll see them
implement this information quickly and get excellent
results.

With kids, youll see them buy into the ideas, because they
dont know any difference. When I teach kids from the ages
of 8-12, I teach mostly through metaphor and stories, with
some conscious training as well. They get this stuff!

With teenagers and up, I once again teach a ton through

metaphors, but can teach more conscious stuff. For example,
I would teach teenagers about eye accessing cues, where as
with 7 year olds, I wont.

No matter the age, one thing that is true about most people
is they look for "certainty, hope, and truth".

So, if you share them these concepts and you believe in

them, the kids will definitely believe in it. With the
adults you'll get a wide range of responses.

Either way, teach this stuff to others, and who cares what
people think.
 How do I begin teaching mental toughness?
I know saying forget about it is like saying relax when you have never learned
how to relax. Do I start at the beginning or start with the Intimidation.
I believe I can turn this into something we can use against that team next
time we play them. (in about two weeks). Where should I start?

Ed: I would suggest starting with the first 4 master

keys and intimidation. Talk about how we act, think, what we
do with our physiology, images, etc. when we are getting
intimidated, then what do we do when we stay powerful,
resourceful and unbreakable. That is where you find the
differences.
This may take some time for them to really grasp, but
then again, Ive seen rapid improvements in athletes, and in
teams who implement this right away.
How one coach used this information, and a question:
First of all, I thought you might like some feedback on
the tele-seminar the other night (how did you think it
went?)

The reason I signed up was that I really wanted some

information about how to implement your mental toughness
training with my athletes. I had introduced them to the
concepts of the 10 master keys, and we practiced
physiology, and self-talk, and rehearsed questions during
practice.

We've even done some visualizations. But, the

difficulty I was having was that I did not know exactly how
to move beyond that and create positive beliefs.

The implementation points you gave during the tele-seminar

really helped me do that, and at last nights practice I set
up a series of serving drills to create the belief in my
players' minds that they were consistent and accurate
servers.
It worked really well!

It was so great because their actions speak so much louder

than my words, and when they can look at their own
performance and come to the conclusion that they are
consistent and accurate servers, then they cannot help but
really believe that. During that process, they also managed
to demonstrate to one another how important the first four
keys are during their actual performance.

Especially when they need to recover from a mistake and

make the next execution of the skill count.

Now I just have to have the discipline to structure drills

during every practice that accomplish this! (I already
changed my practice form to accommodate this new approach,
so it shouldn't be too hard).

Ed: Great Job! It sounds like you are on the right

track and "getting" this stuff!
Law of Replacing Old beliefs with New beliefs!

The other night during the seminar I asked you about the difference between
creating new beliefs and dealing with existing ones.
I thought about this a lot, and have since decided that the best way to deal
with existing negative beliefs is to create new positive ones to replace them.
Then the focus is always positive, and we aren't dwelling on the past. Hopefully,
the past just gets forgotten, or becomes irrelevant. What do you think about
that?

Ed: You got it! Our brains are like vacuums. We can't
just take away something without replacing it or the brain
will suck the old belief back up..
Furthermore, re-read the chapter on reframing. This
helps you change beliefs conversationally with your kids.

Introducing new ideas to a current system-peer coaches resisting

Some days are really hard.I'm all by myself. We had a coaches meeting
the other night, and all the other top teams won the gold in their
tournaments, while we bombed out in a scrimmage against 13's! Geez. I
explained what I am doing, but they all seem to think I'm crazy. The girls
understand what I am trying to do, but they are very frustrated. They have
even asked me if we shouldn't back down a little on our goals. Needless to
say, I'm feeling a bit besieged!

E: This is a very common feeling people have when

learning and trying new things. For example, your players
are frustrated? Good! If they werent then they wouldnt be
learning anything. There is a quote that a lady by the name
of Dottie Walters said, If you arent scared to death at
least once every 6 months, then you arent doing anything
worth living for.
In other words, you are trying new things, and some
people think you are nuts. That is a good indication you are
doing some things right.

Now regarding the leap frog theory. If you dont

remember, the leap frog theory says that you dont wait
around for anyone to give you permission to succeed. You
just claim it and go after it.
Well, there is a part of the leap frog theory that I
want to let you in on, if I wasn't clear enough. If you
claim to be at a certain level, then you better be able to
back up your claims or you will get knocked back down hard.
Now, the good news is that it sounds like your kids see
your vision.
Anyhow, If you have a map of where you think your team
is going to peak, and where you want to struggle a little,
and you are clear about that. Then don't worry about
everyone else.
One thing I know about parents is that they want to
believe that their kids are going to do well. 90% of my
conversations with parents are just reassuring them that we
are in a good place, and still developing.
Last year a lot of my parents thought I was nuts,
because I was running such an offense, but they couldn't see
my vision. When everything began to gel, I was then a genius
in their eyes.
Re-read the section on Handling and Overcoming
Criticism.
What to look for when your team is leaping!
Anyway, my question to you is, would you give me some pointers from your
experience about critical things for me to pay attention to while I'm doing this
leaping? Man, I would hate to make a stupid mistake on something I didn't think
of.

E: Well, the good news is your consciousness is moving the

team in the right direction. I'd listen to your players
language. If your goals are too big for them right now,
maybe tweak them a bit. It sounds to me your team needs to
"feel" successful, and you need to find ways to assist them
in doing that.

How to create new behaviors while I sleep!

I also had a question referring to the visualization while you sleep and in
the morning. I wrote out a few things I wanted to first of all change. After I
go through those I am planning on visualizing things that I can improve on
even though I feel I am already sufficient at, but I do want to improve on. I
needed to ask you how I could visualize myself shrugging mistakes off and
going back at it.

Ed: Something you can do is imagine in your past where

you have done the thing you wanted to change, and see
yourself going through it again, but this time you do it
correctly. And do it many times from your past so that your
brain generalizes the information.

Do I just imagine myself running a perfect race, or playing a perfect game,

or what?

Ed: Yes that is how you do it. It's really simple.

There are some advanced tricks I can show you, but not on
this page. I talk about them in the manual and in the tapes.
Also in the tape set I have a visualization tape.

3 other things I wanted to do was get rid of anxiety, become more in

control at crucial and tense times, and I wanted to be more relaxed. Do I
just imagine a situation where I am these things and just imagine being in
the state I wanna be in?

Ed: Yes that is one way. Try and find the things that
trigger you to go into those states, and then do the same
thing I told you earlier about going into your past "BEFORE"
the anxiety ever begins and go through the event with new
feelings. Then go out into the future where you would
normally have had the same experience, but pre play the
events going smoothly and successfully. Also notice what you
are doing with your physiology self talk images and
questions when you are making yourself anxious.
 How much time should I devote to Mental Training?
I am coaching a 16 and under volleyball team this year and one of the other
coaches in our club told me about your 'Ultimate Volleyball Mental Toughness
Manual'. I've been using bits and pieces of it, and I also signed up to receive
your emails. I have always believed in the power of our minds and I have
enjoyed incorporating some of the exercises and tips you created in my
practices. My question is this, our team practices three nights a week for two
hours each session (6 hours total per week). I'm wondering how much of that
time I should devote to specifically working on mental training?

Ed: Good question. It depends on how mentally tough

your kids are right now. For example, my 16-year-old team
has been with me for over a year, so I don't need to talk to
them about the basics every day. However, that is because
the "get" the information.
However, with the 15's who haven't been with me before
need a lot more of it.
So to answer your question, You can set something up
where you do 15 minutes of it every other practice until
they start getting a grasp of it.
One thing you can do is copy pages out of this manual
that have good concepts, ideas or thoughts. Have them read
it at home and then discuss how you can apply it on the
court, then set up a drill which gives them many
opportunities to use their new founds skills.
(This type of drill is one that you'll set them up to
fail or make a lot of mistakes. Then as they keep bouncing
back, allow them to succeed more and more.)
If you can do that, you are on your way to being among
the top coaches. This is how you instill it in the kids
without them knowing they are learning it. So, you blow by
any resistance your players would normally have, because
they don't know they are learning it, until they already
have.

Some of the girls already seem to really be catching

on, but it seems that they only think about it at practice,
which is why I feel I need to keep doing the exercises at
practice. I'd appreciate any suggestions you have, and I
thank you for the work you've done.

For this, do a fun activity where you get markers, and

have them write out colorful affirmation cards or goals on a
big piece of paper, either 8 x 17 or something like that.
Then have them put the sign up over their bed, on their
dresser, in their notebook.
These constant reminders, your support, and then their
behavior will begin to generalize throughout their whole
life. It sounds like you are already doing a great job.
Handling over-excitement in your athletes

What can I do to control over-excitement? I mean, when things are going well
most of the times I struggle to keep them under control. Just to keep myself in
the real world and not mess up the game.
I am a bowler with a sound foundation and knowledge, so I am really interested
in the visualization part because I am having some problems.

Ed: When you get over-excited, what are you doing with
your physiology, self talk, images, and questions that
allows you to "do" over excitement.
Something you need to realize is that you can take control
of this by learning how to master the first 5 keys in the
System.
Also, You need to learn how to anchor yourself. Chapter
6 in the Ultimate Athlete Success System, For example,
there have to be triggers that send you into a pattern of
over excitement.
Notice what occurs, then go back in your past and
replay all the events as if you stayed relaxed focused and
consistent.
 How to accelerate your players coordination!
I am 17 years old and I live in Canada. I suppose you would refer to me as an
elite level volleyball player, I currently play in the University of Winnipeg
development program.
Lately I have been coping with a problem that you could possibly help me
with. This season, I have been working hard and would like to become a key
player in the success of our team and in the long run have a university career.
My coaches however see it differently they tell me that because of my lack
of coordination I'm not ready to play that role and that I just have to keep working.
My whole life people have been telling me this and I kept working to try and
succeed despite my weakness but lately I have become very frustrated and
sometimes a consider quitting I know that's not the answer but I don't know what
else to do. I suppose I'm afraid of putting all this effort and failing.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ed: First off, your situation is more common than you

think, and the good news is your closer to having a
breakthrough than you think. My suggestion would be to ask
some different questions. For example, the only way you
could be worried about failing is if you keep asking
yourself, "What if I fail?"
You are going to fail, screw up, and suck at times, but
the truth is, so is everyone else. What you need to be
focusing on is your small improvements, and do the small
things like look up 5 footwork/coordination drills and
commit to doing them every single day, no excuses. This may
only take an extra 5-10 minutes a day, but that's a
proactive approach.
After a while youll see a major difference, but it
takes time and hard work. Also, use every visualization
technique imaginable. See a picture of someone else doing
the skill (make sure they do it near perfectly) and then put
you in that persons spot and do it over and over again,
every night.
Secondly, I have played with a lot of guys who were
height and uncoordinated when they were freshman and
sophomore. But then junior and senior year they simply
dominated, because their body caught up to the brain. So,
simply hang in there and stay up on yourself. I'd be willing
to bet that you beat yourself up a lot.
Stop it, and stop blaming coaches or anyone else. Heck,
get tested in all your movement abilities. Vertical jump. 40
yard sprint. Shuffling sideways, Cross over movements, etc.
Then work your tail off on improving them, and showing
your coaches the results. Not to spite them, but to let them
know you are dedicated.
Coachs note: This would be the advice I would give your
players who want to improve their speed agility. Plus many
of my athletes are going to personal programs or trainers,
and the difference it is making is huge. You personally do
not have to be in charge of this aspect of training. I would
recommend delegating it and promoting it.
Differences in Motivating Males vs. Females

I received an email that said:

Men fear failure
Woman fear success

Ed: Personally, I wouldn't make such generalizations about what a whole gender,
race, or team fears, thinks, or believes about anything.
My perspective is to work with people's subjective reality and not project my own
or society's onto them.

If a woman succeeds it means she will have to accept the

responsibility of that success and become a leader. Just
saying that, is fearful.

E:With the teams I coach now, approximately, 60% or

more of the girls hate to lose more than anything.
Secondly, one of my assistant coaches has been using one of
the girls as a captain, and that has aggravated a few of the
others.

Why? Because they want to be the leaders of the team.

Therefore, there is a huge difference in coaching and

leading them.

E: I do agree that there is a difference, and I don't think

it is a do this and it works, and don't do this. In fact, in
my own experience, I've found that 15 & 16-year-old boys can
be more emotionally distraught than girls can at the same
age.

Therefore, winning is not the goal when coaching woman but

playing well. Winning is a BI-product of playing well for women.
E:I agree, and I think Winning is always a bi-product of
execution and playing well whether coaching men or women.

Sidenote: Ive had people ask me about, Well, have you made
is seperately for guys and girls?

This is my response. The same techniques and methods

that work for a woman, works for a man. The same technique
that works for a 10 year-old, works for a 90 year-old.
 The main difference is how you teach the information
and communicate it to your players or an individual. The
first obstacle is that they need to be open to learning
something new. The second obstacle for most coaches and
teachers is to stop telling themselves the reasons their
players wont be receptive. If that is the case, then it is
your responsibility to be flexible enough to find a way to
get the results you want.

And my personal thought on all those theories out there

about this is what you do for women, this is what you do for
men. Well, they can theorize all they want, but until they
show me results or come up with better applicable
strategies, then give it a rest, get a life, or whatever,
but dont waste the time of people who are doing something
with the information.

Lets put it this way, if I had a choice of spending

$100 right now, and my options were to meet with a guy or
gal with his Phd, and has studied cases of 1000 athletes,
but worked with none. Or meet with a guy who has taken any 5
of these strategies in any of my manuals or used some
techniques that have worked, with as few as 10 athletes. I
would spend $500 on the guy who has done something with the
strategies. Because realistically, he deserves that amount.

While, all I would do is wait a few months and spend

$16.95 on the paper back book that the doctor of
psychobabble wrote.
Remember this key thought that may save you tons of
time in your learning curve: Value is not determined in
Quantity, Titles, or level of Education, but in the results
someone gets.
 Finding Different Motivators for Different Ages

I was wondering what your philosophy was in working with high school
age players.

Ed: I enjoy coaching high school kids very much.

My philosophy of how I coach doesn't change much, but how I
communicate and talk to the kids at different age groups
does change with the group.

One thing coaches need to realize with age groups is:

5. Attention-span. Kids at the age 12 have a much different
attention span then 18 year olds.
2. Values.
What's important to that age group. In other words, why
do they want to be there.
3. How they deal with challenges and communicating with
adults?

For example, I will be more patient with 15-year-olds

who may joke a little, or interrupt me once in a while.
While if I was coaching 18's, that wouldn't be tolerated.
15's interrupt you, because theyre young and are still
learning how to work within a structured environment, and
need to be taught and reminded how to listen, etc...

With 18's, they need to have those skills, because the

real world is 1 year away for them, and college coaches are
not going to tolerate it. So, I may have a discussion once
or twice with them about knowing when to talk and when not
too. Then I'd expect they'd get it, and give them feedback
until they "got" it.

Also, just in general, positive reinforcement is the

best teaching method at any age, no matter what anyone says.
I do believe there are times where pointing out the negative
will work, but only do that to an extent, and the impact is
much greater.

Also, I hear coaches talk a lot about how you can

berate and yell at boys and not at girls. I don't think you
should with either. I am a man now, and I still don't like
being yelled at. I think that is a major misconception our
society is missing the ball on.

Since I have your attention, here are a few more

thoughts. Any coach who berates and verbally abuses his/her
players should be kicked out of coaching. They have no clue
as to the level of damage that they are doing to their kids.
 After Nationals this past year, when one of my teams
lost to a team that was not as good as us physically. Niels
Pedersen, the 2nd city club director, came up to me and said
after I asked What could I have done as a coach?

He said, One of the only things you couldve done as a

coach is chewed out your team and beat up on them to play

Now, this is after I used all my subs. We were playing

in a flight, at nationals, that we werent happy to be in.

Niels went on to talk about how sometimes coaches will

win the matches, because their kids play in fear of the
coach. However, that it is a short-term motivator, and not a
real resourceful behavior for your players.

The big question was, Am I willing to trade in my

philosophy or approach for that victory?
The answer, my friends, is NO!

Now, that doesnt mean I dont raise my voice or yell

at lazy behaviors. But I never attack a players identity or
them as a person.
Do you focus on teaching basic fundamentals & try to make it fun as
well?
Ed: I absolutely focus on teach the basic fundamentals, no
matter what age I'm teaching, because that is the base of
any foundation. Obviously, with higher level athletes,
basics arent always the most fun, but the true greats
understand it.
That's why Larry Bird used to shoot 100 free throws a
day, and why Tiger Woods goes to the driving range after
every round.

As far as having fun. I make it fun, but I make sure

the fun stuff we do is productive and has a purpose.
You can ask your players, What does it mean to have
fun while playing, coming to practice, being a part of this
team?
Their answers will give you a great read on your team,
and what level they want to be at.
I focus too much on what my competition is doing before events.
I have a question though. Next weekend is our conference meet. Sometimes
before big events I will concentrate and be more concerned with how my
competition is doing and sometimes during my races I might focus more on them
than what I am doing.
What can I do through visualization, or say to myself during self-talk to
prepare myself better?
I know what I should do during visualization but I am not sure if its good to
say, I WILL NOT BE CONCERNED ABOUT MY COMPETITION, or I WILL NOT
THINK ABOUT MY COMPETITION. What I have been doing is saying to myself,
I WILL ONLY FOCUS ON MY OWN RACE.

Ed: One simple thing I notice with your self-talk is

that your brain doesn't understand "not" "don't" "won't"
suggestion. If I say, "Don't think of a pink elephant",
what comes to mind? A pink elephant, of course.

Suggestion: Say to yourself, "I used to focus on my

competition, now I just get stronger/more focused/even
faster every time I think of them."
"I am in control of my own destiny"
"I set the standard around here"

Also, whenever you visualize, and your competition

seems to be consuming your mind, notice where the
picture/image of your competition is, and shrink the picture
down in size. See yourself being bigger than them, faster,
winning the race, etc.
At the same time, hear in your mind music that makes you
feel powerful.
My players just don't seem to grasp the concept

I coach a club team here in Northern Indiana. I have a few girls who just don't
seem to grasp the concept I have tried to relay your message to them but it is
just not working serious self-confidence issues. What do you recommend I have
also gave them all your web-site to read and your like any advice you could
offer?

Ed: That's not uncommon at all. Some people don't want

to change because if they change then they need to face up
to the fact that they may fail, and the cycle of excuses
goes on.
However, as a coach and trainer, one thing I believe is
that I can find a way to turn them around. This isn't always
possible, but having the belief that it is puts me in a more
resourceful frame of mind and gives me more choices whereas
just blaming the kids limits my choices.(I'm not indicating
that you are)

Without talking to your kids, & you not going through

the same training that I have it's hard to give you a black
and white answer, because the actions you need to take may
be different than a similar situation I may be seeing in my
club. However, there would be similar actions that I would
take.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. Have your kids fill out a questionnaire.
Here are the questions I just used with the 2 teams I am
working with.
Questionnaire for Team:

Name:_______________

What do you like about the year so far?

Whats important to you about volleyball and being on this

team?

List top 3-4:

What are your personal goals for the next 3 months? List top
3:

What is one thing that if added or subtracted would make a

positive difference for the team?

How do you know when you are being complimented?

What would someone have to do to make sure you understood

they were giving you a compliment?

What can we (your coaching staff) do, to support you so that

you want to be here more and improve the quality of effort,
fun, team chemistry, etc.?

Other:
 There are other questions I may ask depending on the
group but the main reason I'm doing this is to find out what
they want out of the year, and then I am going to show them
that by following my plan it will help them get what they
want.
So, in your case, showing them that being positive and
buying into these concepts will give them a better shot at
nationals than being negative.
Also, I may meet with them individually and talk about
their personal/team goals. One thing that most coaches miss
is that these kids have different motives than us, and if we
try and motivate them through our motives then we will lose
them.
Also, have you had them listen to the tape "Focus Like
A Champion" or copied a page or two from the my Ultimate
Athlete Success System or this manual, passed it out, have
them read it, then have a group discussion on it.

These are just some ideas. I know that this information

will help you. Do the best you can.
One of my competitors, a coach at Sky High, I gave him
the tape and his team listened to it. He said that only
about half of them really "got" it. While the other half
seemed bored. The key there is that 50% more are using it
than before.
However, even though only 1/2 his team got it, his
teams the last two years have finished 5th at nationals.
Pretty good, eh?
 How to Have Fun While Competing
We have a daughter who is a sophomore in high school and is playing her third
year of club. We believe she is at a critical point in her sport, because she
recently has been unmotivated to spend time conditioning between her practices
and has questioned whether she wants to play in college for the first time. She
plays on one of the 18 teams in our club. Without going into a lot of details, does
your Ultimate Athlete Success System address ways to possibly help restore the
fun of the game?

Ed: To answer your question directly, "Yes". My System

doesn't talk specifically about how to have more "fun",
however, the course teaches you how to learn how to manage
your emotions, and control your focus.
For example, the questions she is asking herself may be
directing her focus in the wrong direction. How she uses her
physiology, self talk, images, etc... beliefs about what she
is capable of etc... Also, creating a compelling future,
sometimes when I work with people, part of their problem is
that they don't have a clear focused future, which results
in lack of motivation...

So, that is in the course.. Also, some of my thoughts

are to look at if she has built up any negative associations
to her sport and/or conditioning, etc.
Also, look at if her values are shifting a little.

I would be more than happy to talk to you or your

daughter at the tournament.
What to do when you have a player is a nervous wreck before
tournaments!
In class, I studied sport psychology briefly. I learned about anxiety and
nervousness. What I realized is that I have almost all of the signs of anxiety and
nervousness before a volleyball game or a tournament. I have to go to the
bathroom often, I can't sit still, I feel tired and some others that I can't remember.
Before a game, I usually go sit in a corner and listen to my CD player and
visualize everything Im going to do (positive thoughts).
I've been doing since I was about 10 and Im 17 now. The thing is that,
once Im in competition I hardly feel any nervousness and Im know for being
very calm and steady under pressure and I usually play my best in pressure
situations. The thing that bothers me is that the days before competition, I don't
sleep very well. I just can't stop thinking of volleyball.
I think of good and bad situations all night. Before volleyball provincials
(like state championship) I got maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. This affects my
performance no doubt because we all know that it's hard to be your best when
you're tired. Could you please give some advice because I'm now going to the
next step. I'm trying to make a University volleyball team for next year.

Ed: When you find yourself thinking of performing

poorly, change your physiology and change the image. Imagine
yourself performing in the same situation, but making the
best decisions, proper adjustments, killer plays.
Look at your self-talk. What are you saying to
yourself? Change it if it doesn't support you.
Most importantly, Anxiety and nervousness is something you
do not something that you have.
You can change how you feel, by changing how you
communicate to yourself.
 I feel so down after our loss, what do I do?

I would just like to first say thank you so much for making your site and doing
what you are doing. I've read some of your stuff and I recently started your book
and it now makes me feel more confident in myself even though I have just
started I cant wait to expand my mind to greater limits so thank you.
I just wanna ask you about a situation Ive been in recently. Well I am a
freshman in high school and I played football this past year and we were in our
freshman tournament and I was so pumped up for this because I have never
come in first place for anything in my life.
And this was just a really big thing for me, because I had been playing
football since I was real young and Im a captain of the junior varsity and
freshman team. This particular team I felt was the best emotional team Ive been
on and well we went into our first game of the tourney and lost.
I was really struck by the loss but I managed to handle it and still could
only picture the good things but then something
happened. We lost again!
By now I was in such an emotional state of despair
I could barely breath. We had all come in their confident we could do good and
felt we were all ready for the big night and we were so pumped up but yet we just
lost our first 2 games.
Never the less, we did end up 2nd in the state but Ill never forget that shock and
pain I felt when we lost those 2 games, it was overwhelming.
I was just wondering what you think about this and
what I could have done to better the situation, because I was a leader on that
team and I dont wanna have other kids see me in despair when they look up to
me so I was just wondering if you could help me out a little.

Ed: It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you.

Here's an idea for your question.
One thing to always focus on, especially early in a
season is improving and putting your team in the position to
win.
Too many coaches and athletes are so focused on winning
that they forget to develop early in the season and they get
passed up by the end of the year.
One of my friends is Coach Frank Lenti from Mt. Carmel
H.S. in Chicago. Theyve won 8 or 10 state championships out
of the last 12 years. They lost their first game this
season, and I asked how he gets the team back mentally. He
said that he and the other coaches are usually nicer to the
team after they lose, while still working them just as hard.

Also, focus on the process of the game and season. Winning

and losing is just the result of executing and performing.
Sidenote:rdAnother great way to evaluate your performance is
in the 3 Person. So, you review the game as if you are
watching someone else. This allows you to give yourself
honest, objective feedback without accessing any or all of
the negative emotions.
Then to improve your mistakes, replay the events as if
you corrected the errors and rehearse for the next game in
your mind in 1st person.
Coaches note: As a coach, one trick is to talk to your
athletes after a tough loss as if they played in 3rd person.
Here is an example:
So, lets talk about the team that was just out there. What
could they have improved on?

Then as you get to the point where its time to talk about
what youll do better next time, you put your team into 1st
person, simply by changing the word they to us or we.

So, next time we go out there what will we do differently?

I learned this technique from Michael Grinder. He uses this

technique with professional speakers.
 My daughter gets abnormally sick when she works too hard!

I have been reading your materials, and get your info via e-mail, and am
wondering if you have any helpful thoughts---

I am a high school volleyball coach, and have a daughter who is a

sophomore playing for a high level Division II school. She has been a starter as
an outside hitter every game since she began her freshman year. She works out
and works hard in practice and in games, and trains hard in her off -season as
well, and is great physical shape.

The problem came in, when during one of their practices in October, they
run a certain conditioning, which is apparently a killer conditioner. She was one
that could always hold up and pushed herself, until in October when she got sick
after the drill.

She was very upset, and then became so worried about getting sick again
that she feels it even affects her performance, and definitely her enjoyment of the
sport she has always loved. She got sick 3 or so more times after that, and says
that now, even when she walks by the gym, that is what concerns her, fear of
and getting sick.

I try to be supportive, telling her she may have actually been sick the first
time, and it will not necessarily continue. No good! I would think it is primarily a
mental thing, but I don't know how to help her. She is a very gifted player, and I
don't like to see her so stressed out over the 'stress' of thinking she will get sick,
and then she does.
If you have ANY ideas, please let me know. I would appreciate any thoughts you
may have.

Ed: From your email this is what I can tell you. Your
daughter got sick once and created a negative association to
working really hard, which triggers fear, and a
physiological response. This is done unconsciously of
course!

Most people don't realize that phobias, fears, and

negative triggers only take one time to occur. In fact, most
phobias of elevators happen because someone was afraid and
in an enclosed space all at the same time. Then this same
person becomes afraid of closets, cars, or any spaces that
may affect someone who is claustraphobic.
The coolest thing about these things is they can be
eliminated as quickly as they were created. In fact, I can
eliminate almost any phobia a person has in as little as 15
minutes.
For example, I had a friend of the family over at a
family gathering tell me he was afraid of heights. As I was
talking to find out when this happened, and how his brain
did it. (Remember, No psychobabble theory is needed)
I found that he imagined himself looking down a latter
from the top of a garage, and then he fell off the 10 foot
garage. I then had him pop out of the picture (dis-
associate), then run the movie in his mind backwards. I had
him do this about 15 times, while in his mind hearing circus
music. Then I had him open his eyes. He felt fine, but said
that he doubted it would work.
Two years go by, and Im over at their house for a
family party. I hear Joe, just got this new job. I asked
what was it, and turns out hes working construction where
he spends most of the day on metal beams with no safety
straps on, and its over 50 feet in the air.
His mom said, Joe, I thought you were afraid of
heights.
He said, I was until I met with Ed that one day.

Now, Ive done this with people who were afraid of

crossing bridges, spiders, and much more.

Anyhow, back to the question, what your daughter needs

to do is collapse the anchor (negative association) that she
has about working hard.
You can do that by reading chapters 6 Emotional Power,
and chapter 7 The Magic of Memory in the Ultimate Athlete
Success System.
On one of the audio-tapes Ill lead her through the
exercise and can help her collapse the associations. If that
doesn't work, I can do it over the phone for free.
Finally, the last option, but more expensive is to hire
myself, or an NLP Master Practitioner. Make sure they are
good though.
What your players can do to support each other!
I have a question for you. I am a team captain for my
volleyball team, and we have to pick up the girls who are
upset. What happens when I do try to pick them up, they
just dont get up?

Ed: Well, some of the simple things are to re-focus

them to the next play and the next ball.

However, one of the things that must occur before this,

is your coach needs to set up the situation so they see that
making mistakes are okay, as long as we keep adjusting and
continue to get better.

So, share this with your coach, because it's something

that 95% of coaches don't teach well enough. Bring your team
around, and have a discussion about how we respond in tough
situations or after making mistakes.
Then ask questions that lead the team in the direction
you want them to go in throughout the discussion.
So, I may say, "Okay, so some of the things I'm
noticing are that when we make mistakes, the first thing I
see is shrugged shoulders, head drops, (Master Key #1
Physiology), and then when that happens, what goes through
your heads? (I'm eliciting their self-talk and images)
--I see myself getting pulled from the game
--I tell myself I suck, etc.

Now, here is where you ask them, "Well, you can do

that, but what would be a better strategy for bouncing right
back?"
Lead them here: "What if I said, "I'll get the next one" "I
pass nails" "I get better as I go!"
Or, what if I saw myself, passing the next ball perfect,
getting outside and putting the ball away"

I might continue: "I'm not concerned if we make mistakes, those

are going to happen. However, I am concerned, if we make a mistake,
and every time we make one you end up making 10. However, if we can
start bouncing back quicker by using these techniques, we'll be much
more successful!"
Then throughout practice I may point out a time or two
where I'm seeing it done (you must do this quickly, and make
it non-personal). Then give them a different way to respond.
Slap my hands together, take a deep breath, shoulders back,
head up. Say something positive.
Then reward them when they do this correctly!

Its not like its my fault...I tried its up to them to feel better. Then coach yells at
me, saying I need to pick them up! I TRIED! Anyway, if you have any advise,
then please send it on over.

Ed: If you are comfortable with having this

conversation with your team, go for it. However, it always
helps to have your coach supporting this type of attitude.
If your coach has any questions, have him or her email me!
(This players coach did email me, and they had some nice
results after this. A lot of team buy in!)
Scenario: Having total control over your emotions more than 90% of
the time!
Sometimes when I feel tense I can't seem to shut it of. Is it really possible to
have complete control over your emotions? How do you handle really difficult
negative emotions? Thank you!!!
Ed: Yes, it is possible. However, one thing that I did
that maybe
I should be more clear on, is I went through NLP & Hypnosis
training.
I went to Tony Robbins Seminars.
I listen to audio-tapes everyday. I used to listen to
motivational tapes, now I spend most of my time listening
and reading marketing/business tapes that are motivational
but teach me incredible stuff.
I read a lot.
I surround myself with people who are supportive. If the
person is toxic or extremely negative, I either don't
associate with them or make it short.

My guess is that some of your "Really" negative emotions are

due to a pattern that you've been living for a while. My
suggestion is find a really good NLP Master Practitioner and
get it cleaned up. That's one of the best ways for your
unconscious to learn behaviors and feelings.
 Chapter 15:
The Next Step!
What Separates The
Top 3% of Coaches From The Other 97%
When getting to write this last chapter, its just before Thanksgiving in
2001. I was thinking of writing a long motivational chapter about the #1 secret to
success in any sport, endeavor, relationships, and in life.
It is such a simple secret that I fight with myself daily on keeping focused
on the basics. For example, this past weekend, I paid a few thousand dollars to
go sit in a conference room in Pheonix for 3 straight days, from 8 am to 9 pm.
The seminar was on Marketing for entrepreneurs. Anyhow, after the 3rd day
finished up, I went down to the pool and jacuzzi, and was talking to guy I just met
about what strategies I was going to implement immediately when arriving home.
When I started talking about the top 5 strategies I was going to implement,
I realized that 4 of the 5 were strategies I had already known, but hadnt been
using as effectively. Simply because I wasnt doing something with them.
So, to wrap up this System, you may have learned a lot of things, or most
of this may have been review. However, I will say that most of any books out
there on the market dont mean a thing if you dont TAKE ACTION!
Please, if there is anything that I would beg you to do, for your players
sake. Implement at least one new strategy every month. In just a short time, I
guarantee that youll see amazing things happening in your life!

God Bless!

Ed OKeefe

To contact Ed:
Email us at: Ed@uramazing.com
Visit us at: http://www.secretsofcoaching.com
http://www.volleyballsecrets.com