The Secret History of the Nobossids
The individual that our history would come to know as No-Boss
Lashbreaker began life as a nameless slave on the vast steppe of the
Wastes. In just 35 years, this nameless goblin will seize control of
his clan, unite the tribes of the steppe, and conquer the known world.
From Feed-stock to Lashbreaker
No-boss came into this world as part of a litter of perhaps half a
dozen brothers and sisters. As was customary among his native
Nygthp clan, two runts out of each litter were designated as feed-
stock for the Boss collection of tamed ogres. Under this tradition,
No-Boss was designated as feed-stock.
The first few months of No-bosss life were characterized by neglect
and extreme manual labor. As soon as the young goblin was big
enough to be a suitable morsel, he was tied down by the tribes
Lashers, and thrown into the ogres pen.
Much to the shock of the supervising Boss, our hero was able to
squirm free of his bindings. Using his impressive dexterity, the little
goblin was then able to escape the pen altogether. Suitably
impressed, the Boss promoted him to Lasher on the spot.
No-Boss had escaped death, but still would be subjected to a lifetime
of humiliating labor followed by an eternity of servitude. It was at
this point that No-Boss began having doubts about his tribes
traditional way of life.
Finding Religion
Years went by, and the runt of the litter grew into a nimble and
wrathful adult. Known among his people as the Lashbreaker, the
goblin gradually won his way into the Boss inner circle through
brutality and cunning.
The next turning point in No-Boss life came when he was assigned
to lead a slaving expedition against the neighboring tribes. Even at
this early time, it was clear that No-Boss was a formidable warrior
and a capable leader. With horrific yet acceptable losses, No-Boss
was able to conquer and enslave several minor bands of nomads over
the summer.
Among his first group of captives was an elf bard, whose life was
spared out of sheer novelty. No-boss found the outlander particularly
fascinating, often talking with her late into the night. He absorbed
stories of glimmering towers, of peaceful civilization, and most
especially of freedom.
Beyond the wastes people didnt have to slaughter and enslave to
prosper. Our goblin grew obsessed with this idea over his summer
campaigning.
In early fall, the elf captive became extremely ill and died. On her
deathbed, No-Boss renounced his peoples evil god; he took the
name No-Boss and dedicated his life and soul to the god of freedom.
He gathered his warband the next day, freed his captives and slaves,
and marched on his old Boss camp. Before the fall was over, the
remaining Nygthp were marching under the banner of No-Boss.
First the Wastes, then the World
No-Boss employed innovative tactics (such as avoiding casualties),
and was able to expand power throughout the inner Wastes over the
next 4 years. His radical religion of freedom inspired his subjects to
fight for him willingly rather than out of fear. Slavery and goblinoid
sacrifice were abolished.
By the age of 13, No-Boss marched at the head of a host of six
hundred thousand goblinoids. Following a severely botched
diplomatic mission to the human realms, he led his army out of the
wastes in order to dismantle the kingdoms of the world.
The world at large was simply unprepared for No-Boss. War and
battle was a cordial, organized thing at this point in history. The
kingdoms tried forming coalitions against No-Boss, but were
uniformly swept aside. Twenty years after first emerging from the
Wastes, No-Boss ruled as supreme dictator of the world. His people
knew him as the Liberator; his foes called him the Scourge of
Nations.
At the age of 35, No-Boss formally issued the following commands
to his soldiers (and by extension, the whole world):
The institutions of nations, kingdoms, and governments are hereby
illegal. All those calling themselves rulers are hereby outlaws.
The hypocrisy of a law against laws was largely lost on No-Boss and
his followers, but to many it revealed him as a dangerous madman.
This decree began a reign of terror that would last until No-Boss
death.
Fall of the Tyrant
A steady stream of adventurers, mercenaries, and assassins made
attempts on No-Boss life throughout his reign. These generally were
quashed either by No-Boss subordinates, or by the Tyrant himself.
This pattern would hold until the 50th year of No-Boss reign, when
he would meet the remnants of the Royal Covenant on the field of
battle. By employing a combination of magical artifacts, holy relics,
and arcane might, the party of wizards was able to permanently
detain the Tyrant. Rather than allow himself to be taken prisoner,
No-Boss elected to take his own life.
Following his death, his great occupying armies swiftly fragmented.
His local commanders generally would try to assume the role of
Liberator, only to have their subordinates break off in rebellion.
These local garrisons soon resembled nothing so much as the
warring clans of No-Boss youth.
Before a century had passed, the institution of slavery had been re-
adopted by many of the occupying armies, ironically leaving slavery
more pervasive than ever.