fin:mu Spam

of balancing that hefty ch 001e, We took a look at the

numbers (while tryingnot to get dizzy).p. 6

CAUSE FOR CON-CERN

April lstisnt the only day
folks get fooledetlxere are
people falling forscams all
the time. Thesear'the most
common cons out there. p. 8

PLAY BALL!
DSC member and baseball
coach Mike Dies has the
tips to helpyour k i d hit one
out of the park (and have
a lot of fun doing so). p. 9
 A S K M I K E 1, YOUR MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED GROOMING QUESTIONS

~. 9)} "
1
DH FAD! HOW DO I PROPERLY DRY MYSELF?
DermatologistAnthony Rossihelpsyou keep your Skindry(and
healthy)no matter how hardthe April showers pour down.

I want them to bring back I Dream of Jeannie. Do you think Christie Brinkley or
Pamela Anderson would make a better Jeannie? Thanks, wife is tired of hearing
about this! Alan B.

Christie Brinkley, for sure. No offense to Pam, but Christie looks like shes 63 going
on 23. But really, shouldnt we be updating Jeannie for a younger generation? What
about Emma Stone for Jeannie, andhey, what the heckme, for Nelson?

Mycollege boyfriendstill lives with his parents. How doI get h i m to move out?
~1essica H.

Actually, I think you should be celebrating him. Hes showing prudent financial 1. com on 2_ p i n [my
sense, Sounds like a keeper to me. Water o v e r 100 degrees fahrenheit strips the s k i n Dah y o u r s k i n (lry w i t h a towel. rather than
of natural oils. so keep the temperature down. rubbing it-rubbing causes redness and irritation.

Got any advice on h o w to clean the bathroom faster? Its my alltime least favorite
chore. G a r y P.

Install a drain in the middle, like those gas station restrooms. Then, break out the
power washer.

Its raining outside all the time and my kids are driving me nuts in the house.
How do I keep them entertained indoors? -Mlck L.

Tell them the first one to clean their roomas in, immaculategets $100 or the video
game of their choice. Next, keep coming up with reasons why its not quite up to
your standards. It might not be good parenting, but it'll get the job done.
3. DON'T DRY ALL THE WAY 4. LUBE UP
Help me, M r. Chairman! I m more immaculately groomed on my body than my Leave a little excess moisture onyour s k i n i t h i s Applying lotion w i l l force the w a t e r to soak into
girlfriend is. HOW do I talk to her about stepping up her game? John G. w i l l soak in and keep y o u wrinklert'ree. the skin by preventing it from evaporating:

If you value your relationship (or your life, for that matter), dont. But seriously, you
won't get anywhere being negative about it. Try positive reinforcement.

Michael Dubin

IF YOU HAVE A CDMMENT DRA DUESTIDN FOR THE CHAIRMAN-ND REALLY,

ASK HIM ANYTHING-SEND IT HERE: BMBDDLLARSHAVECLUBIDM.

g $ 5- MR
Wait OUT
until you're fully dry before putting your 5. LAY aAcK
Because your skin is so comfy. it might as w e l l
clothes on to allow the moisturizer to soak in. be your personal p a i r of fuzzyrfootcd pajamas.

vrnv VITAL INFO 1

Find out how to stop sweating after a postgym shower by searching
EMAIL: SUPPDRT@DDLLARSHAVECLUB.(DM TWITTER: @ASKDSC FACEBDDK: @DDLLARSHAVECLUB (HAT HDIIRS: M-F 9 AM. TD5 PM. PST "how to sweat less after the g m at content dollarshaveclub C o m
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AMERICAS PIGGV BANK

m u m - W I
 - APRIL FOOLS! MEMBER SPOTLIGHT
People manage to get fooled by scammers all year long, notjust in
April. Discover some of the biggest cons we encounter every day. MIKE DIES
MEMBER SINCE:
1. A PAINFUL RIP-OFF October 2013
Not sure if you should spend that extra couple
bucks for namebrand painkillers over the PROFESSION:
storebrand version? Dont do it: If the active President, West Akron Baseball 8:
ingredients are the same, theres no difference Softball League
in how it works. You should especially ignore
pills that claim to target pain in specific areas HOME BASE:
of the bodythese are pure marketing BS. Akron, OH

As president of the West Akron Baseball 8: Softball League, Mike teaches kids aged 5-18 the skills
necessary to get the most out of the game. You can find his three most important tips for helping your
kids play to their full potential below.

LIGHTEN UP: Pushing your k i d too hard is easy when you're considering athletic scholarships, but it
also can burn them out. "90 percent of lZyear-olds who are currently playing a sport, don't play sports
in highschqol," says Dies. Sofor now,just let them appreciate the experience of playing.
2. GOING VIRAL
Those virus-warning popups you sometimes ' . LET THE COACHES COACH: Its tempting to coach your kid from the bleachers, but Dies believes that
encounter when browsing the web are a doesnt do them any good. "You wouldn't go to your kids music rehearsal and shout instructions from
two-pronged attack. The aim is to get you to the audience," he says. Trusting and listening to your coach, he explains, is a vital part of the game.
pay for bogus anti-virus software, givingthe
HAVE FUN: Let the kids enjoy playing the sport because they wont be able to play forever," Dies says.
scammer your credit card info. Meanwhile,
said software gets busyu'steaiing your identity.
If your kid strikesgutifithenmnottg woigryabout it. Seeinggyoutchild enjoy playing the game makes
all those drives to and mm practice worthwhile.
Cant we just look atcatfvideos in peace? \ I
LEARN MORE ABOUT MIKE AND THE WEST AKRON BASEBALL 8. SOFTBALL LEAGUE: WWW.WABL.ORG.

3. RESUME SCAMMING
Multiple sites offer to spruce up your resume.
Some are genuine, but some look to take advantage
of naive jobseekers with scams ranging from
overcharging (some of these services cost
hundreds of dollars) to hidden, hard-tocancel
monthly fees. Remember to readthe fine print,
(and asalways with resumes, check for typos).

EIRIK GUMENY JIM SULLIVAN MATT SANDBANK

4. HOME ROBBERY Einks post-postapocalyptic Jim explores abandoned Matt uses 17th century
A 2007 report found that 97 percent of those L bizarro fantasy book series places like military bases, shadow puppetry to
Earn $$$ working from home!" ads were _' explores everything from churches, schools and educate school children
scams. They generally work by charging a telekinetic squirrels to megalo hospitals. Howsthat for on the importance of
fee to join some form of pyramid scheme, 3 maniacal Andrew Jacksons. an unusual hobby? poetry and literature.
or forcing the victim to invest in bogus
I GET WEIRD WIIH EIRIK: INVESTIGA'IE WITH JIM: PERFORM wnH M m :
goods. You know what they say about things
- WWW.EGUMENV.CDM WWW.PLACESTHATWERE.COM www.SANDBANKSHADOWFAUORYIUM
that seem too good to be true, right?
l T IF YOU ,WANT TOBEFEATURED IN THE BATHROOM MINUTES MAGAZINE. TELL US WHV: DLRSHV.ESIYOUR _ THING.
Fu RIOMPEFAEEZLJ IL SPEND MORE
n-J I . . I I I . .IIH..IJ:

AND IN RETURN
WE WILL CHARGE
Burn off some of that Easter baSket candy by giving your brain a workout. Try to make as
many words as you can w i t h four or more letters, using the letters in the egg below. TWO
rules: You can only use each letter once per word, and every word must include the letter
in the center of the egg (oh, and no proper names or plurals). 12words is a good score, 17is
really good, and anything above 22 is eggcelent. Happy hunting!

CHEAT IF YOU MUST!

YOU SLIGHTLY LESS
'339 out no IeuaI AraAa sasn mm auo
Butpnput 12101at sprom 5g a l e e r a q l
THAN THE RETAIL
PRICE AND THAT'
THE F agw
DSCgIINbLE I
Courtesy of @Lovatts Puzzles

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