Antony 1

Alice Antony

Ms. Gardner

English 10H - 6th period

30 January 2017
Left and Right

Look both sides when you cross the street, Alice, my mother would remind, first left, then

right.

At the time, seven-year old Alice just nodded absentmindedly. Look left and right to be careful,

look left and right to be safe, look left and right to make sure everything will be okay. I always felt a bit

lethargic and I believed wholeheartedly that looking both sides before you cross the street was stupid.

What was the point of having peripheral vision when youre going to look both sides anyways?

It was really immature of me to be so reluctant to look both sides when I crossed the street. I often

daydreamed about my favorite shows, Barney and Friends or The Backyardigans, and would cross the

street without looking or even pausing. Then I would get scolded by my mother about how Im not

paying attention and how something could happen to me.

I still refused to listen.

I was only ten. I had two best friends: Aisha and Manumae. Manumaes mom had just left to

Japan that morning for a business trip. His dad took us to the park to play some tennis. I remember what

Aisha had told me even today: Manu looks tired. I looked towards the left, then the right, and then he

was on the ground.

The National Heart, Lung, and Blood institute states: The heart has two sides, separated by an

inner wall called the septum. The right side of the heart pumps blood to the lungs to pick up oxygen. The

left side of the heart receives the oxygen-rich blood from the lungs and pumps it to the body.
 Antony 2

He collapsed at 6:00 in the evening. I froze and could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. Everything happened in a flash. The paramedics came and rushed to help. I

couldnt move, but was guided out of the court by Manumaes dad. I could not comprehend the situation

and stood still, clutching my tennis racket until my knuckles were white. There were so many cars, so

many running engines; yet, the engine that was Manus heart failed to work. I looked left. Aisha stood

next to me, eyes wide and brimming with tears. I looked right. A crowd of paramedics, an anguished

father, and a boy on the brink of deathchaos.

He was proclaimed dead at 6:15. Just fifteen minutes later and he was already gone. Aisha was

crying, Manumaes father was crying, but I did not cry. I was in shock. Its cardiac arrest, isnt it? I

overheard one paramedic question another and frown as the other one nodded. Pity, and at such a young

age.

The American Heart Association proclaims: Cardiac arrest is caused when the hearts electrical

system malfunctions. Its not so common in kids, but I learned later that Manumae did have heart

problems well before the incident.

After Manus death, everything was a mess. His engine had broken down and affected the car and

its passengers. The doctors informed his mom that her son was in critical condition when she had landed

in Japan. She flew back to find out that her son was dead. I remained in a state of shock for a few days

until I finally broke down realizing my friend wasnt coming back. I was only ten.

What if my heart suddenly stopped? What if in one moment, everything just ended? The last time

I cried over his death was at his funeral. I avoided questions and dodged topics regarding Manumae since

then in an attempt to null my grief.

I began to look both sides when I crossed the road.

 Antony 3

I was the first born on my moms side of the family, so everyone was excited when I was born.

My grandpa would lay me on his chest and let me sleep to the steady ba-bump ba-bump of his heartbeat. I

didnt get to spend much time with my family in India and I moved to America when I just turned one.

Three years after Manumae passed away, I was thirteen years old. I never got over Manumaes

death but I pretended that I wasnt affected by it. My mom got a call from my uncle who told us that my

grandpa had been admitted to the hospital.

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. The mere mention of the hospital sent my heart racing and the

pounding in my ears ached. My grandpa had a heart attack. He stood up after watching TV and suddenly

collapsed. He was rushed to the hospital. They tested him, put him on medication, and let him go soon

after. We skyped my family to check how my grandpa was doing. He was extremely frail and weak when

I saw him and it pulled at my heartstrings.

Shortly after, he went into cardiac arrest and collapsed again. He was sent to the hospital but was

brain dead before he arrived there. The doctors put him on a ventilator but informed us that there was

nothing they could do to help him. In three days, they planned to unplug the ventilator.

My grandpa did not respond to anything and kept his eyes closed. His condition drastically

worsened at the hospital and he looked close to death.

My mom and I skyped my aunt and talked about his condition. I looked left, towards my mom

who was willing herself not to cry and staring at her dad with a broken expression. Then I looked to the

right to see my grandfather lying still, the ventilator pumping his heart for him. The steady ba-bump,

ba-bump, ba-bump wasnt his anymore. My mom told him, Yellam sari aagi vidumTake care, youll

be fine.

Even now I dont understand why she said that, and I think she doesnt understand either. Maybe

that was all she could say. And maybe those words werent directed towards my grandpa. Maybe they
 Antony 4

were words to ease her, to reassure herself that she was alright. She was just looking both sides before she

crossed the road.

The next day they would unplug the ventilator. My family went to visit my grandpa. There was

not much exchange of words; they just stood and looked at my grandpa. My grandpa, my grandpa in his

vegetative state, opened his eyes one last time. Just for one moment, and then he closed them for the last

time. And just before they pulled the plug, his heart flatlined on its own. His engine shut down.

When I heard the news, I thought it was ridiculous. The thought of death still seemed to paralyze

me. I sat for twenty minutes, processing the information. I looked left towards my dad who stood, solemn.

I looked right towards my mom who was already fleeing the room to go cry. I looked left to my dad; right

to a wall that caught the dim light of my lamp; left again to my dad who sighed softly at my confused

state; right again, then left, then right.

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump. My grandpa is deadthe words didnt sound right at all and left

a bitter taste in my mouth. The shock settled, and I cried for the first time in three years.

To this day, I regret not being there in his final moments. To this day, I regret not spending time

with the man who let me listen to his steady beating heart. To this day, I treasure my strong, beating heart.

And when I cross the street, I look left, then right.