Published by BS Central

515 2nd Ave. S Glasgow, MT 59230

406-228-4558 fax: 406-228-4578
bscentral@nemont.net

Vo
l. 6
, No.
43 1
, 20

7
Thursd
ay, April 13

Valley County
Free Tree Day!
Its about that time once
again for Valley County
Free Tree Day whereas
1,100 trees will be handed
out at the Valley County
Courthouse; stay tuned for
the disbursement date!
There will be a limit of
five trees per household with
the first 100 people receiving
an Engelmann Spruce.
Theyre expensive little
buggers, says Dave Pippin.
The other trees include
Common Lilac, Golden
Currant, Chokecherry,
American Plum and
Head to Hoyt Park Saturday! Caragana.
Since Valley County
The Annual Kiwanis Clubs Easter Egg Hunt will be held on Saturday, April 15th at
Free Tree Day began, 12,500
11:00 sharp at Hoyt Park, located by the city swimming pool. Age groups are 1-3,
trees have been distributed.
4-5, and 6-8. This is also sponsored by Reynolds Market and FMDH. Have a Happy
This year will bring that total
Easter, and the Buzz will be back on Tuesday.
to 13,600!
 FREE POPCORN TUESDAY!
FREE POPCORN WITH EVERY PAID ADMISSION Random
Rants
&
Raves

My buddy received a thesaurus in the mail yesterday,

April 14 - 20 but when he opened it, all the pages were blank. He told
SHOWINGS me he had no words to describe how angry he was.
But if I was a betting man, Id hafta put my money
on that he was annoyed, bitter, enraged, exasperated,
228-9239 furious, heated, impassioned, indignant, irate,
www.polsontheatres.com irritable, irritated, offended, outraged, resentful,
4:10PM sullen, uptight, affronted, antagonized, chafed,
7:00PM choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, exacerbated,
9:00PM ferocious, fierce, fiery, fuming, galled, hateful, hot,
90 Min. huffy, ill-tempered, incensed, inflamed, infuriated,
PG irascible, ireful, netted, piqued, provoked, raging,
some mild riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sulky, tumultous/
action and rude
humor tumultuous, turbulent, vexed, and wrathful!

I wuz reading an article that humans eat more

bananas than monkeys. I cant even remember the
last time I ate a monkey.

Cast: Mandy Patinkin, Rainn Wilson, Joe Manganiello, Demi Lovato, Danny Pudi My Ol Lady yelled at me, saying, You werent
In this fully animated, all-new take on the Smurfs, a mysterious map sets Smurfette and her best
friends Brainy, Clumsy and Hefty on an exciting and thrilling race through the Forbidden Forest even listening just now, were you?!
filled with magical creatures to find a mysterious lost village before the evil wizard Gargamel
does. Embarking on a rollercoaster journey full of action and danger, the Smurfs are on a course
I thought to myself, Man, what a weird way to
that leads to the discovery of the biggest secret in Smurf history! start a conversation.
4:00PM Anyway, she gave me a bunch of crap about me
6:50PM not listening to her, or something. I dont know, I
9:25PM wasnt really paying attention.
137 Min.

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW this

PG-13 morning and I couldnt help but admire it.
prolonged
sequences of
Nice car, I said as he got out.
violence and
destruction,
Well, he said, noticing my admiring looks,
suggestive
content, and
Work hard, put the hours in, and Ill have an even
language better one next year.

Feeling overwhelmed?
Moving to Prairie Ridge,
The Manor or Valley View?
Cast: Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Kurt Russell, Jordana
Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Statham, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Elsa Pataky, Let us help.
Chris Bridges, Scott Eastwood, Nathalie Emmanuel
With Dom and Letty married, Brian and Mia retired and the rest of the crew exonerated,
the globe-trotting team has found some semblance of a normal life. They soon face an
unexpected challenge when a mysterious woman named Cipher forces Dom to betray them
all. Now, they must unite to bring home the man who made them a family and stop her from
unleashing chaos on a grand scale.

DAILY CINEMAS: 4:00 & 4:10 PM - $6.00/PERSON Call Shawn Beard 230-1025
EASTER EGG HUNT
FRIDAY, APRIL 14
8 AM - TILL ALL ARE FOUND
EGGS HIDDEN THROUGHOUT THE STORE
Western Family
SHANK PORTION HAM ..............$.99 lb.
Western Family
BUTT PORTION HAM...............$1.39 lb.
Cure 81
SPIRAL HAMS ........................$1.99 lb.
1/2 Baby
TEAR DROP HAM ....................$3.99 lb.
Frozen
SPIRAL HAMS ........................$1.59 lb.
Cloverdale
HALF TEAR DROP HAM ...........$3.49 lb.
Stones 80% Lean 20% Fat (5 lb. Box)
GROUND BEEF PATTIES..............$12.45
Easter
April 12 - 18, 2017
Boneless Beef
NEW YOUR STRIP STEAKS .......$7.99 lb.
Fresh Alaskan
HALIBUT FILLETS..................$15.29 lb.
Western Family 12 oz.
BACON ....................................... 2/$6
Jimmy Dean 12-16 oz. Select Varieties
SAUSAGE..............................$2.99 ea.
Norbest
WHOLE TURKEYS ...................$1.49 lb.
Gortons 18.1-24.5 oz. Select Varieties
FISH .....................................$3.99 ea.
Western Family One Dozen Grade AA
LARGE EGGS ...........................$.79 ea.
BUZZIFIEDS
OPEN FOR BIDS: The VC Fair Commission accepting bids on Motor
Sports Events and Beer Garden Concessions for the 2017 fair season, until
6:00 pm, April 28th. FORMS AVAILABLE AT THE VC COMMISSIONERS
OFFICE OR CALL 785-4961
BUZZ
MARCIA MAES SALVAGE & ANTIQUES - OPENING MAY 11TH for the
Summer Season. I am wanting to buy more inventory including furniture,
lamps, clocks, linens, salvaged doors & windows, door knobs, & hardware;
also yard art like wheels, washtubs,cream cans, etc. CALL MARCIA AT
263-7567
BUZZ
FOR SALE Older Lund 18 Boat. 50 horse Johnson motor, foot control
bow mount, nice tilt lift trailer, & fish finder. $2,695. CALL 406-788-1920
BUZZ
FOR SALE: Insulated ice tent (never used) $300; Jiffy Pro propane ice
auger 9 inch less than one propane. $500; New ice saw $100; 2 new spears
(never used, $100; Ice house heater (never used) Big Buddy $150; Spear
decoys $30; 6 new jigging rods & reels $150; 4 new Jaw Jacker automatic

countdown
tip ups $165; 4 rod reels Package Deal $800. Also a 30in self propelled
Toro walk behind mower, electric start, used twice $600. CALL 230-2493
BUZZ
FOR RENT: 2 bedroom apartment. Central air, washer & dryer hook-
A cold front will move across the region later today and ups. $625 plus $400 security deposit. All utilities included. CALL 406-
Friday, bringing rain showers and windy conditions to 228-4787 BUZZ
FOR RENT: Country living close to town! Two-bedroom home with garage.
the area. Rainfall accumulations are expected to be light Open floor plan. Move-in ready. Water/sewer provided. No smoking. No
with this system, but oh, that wind! pets. Damage deposit required. (406) 367-9300 OR (651) 490-5757
Tonight: A 30 percent chance of showers, mainly after BUZZ
5am. Increasing clouds, with a low around 44. Breezy, FOR RENT: 2 bedroom home for rent on the north side. No pets. $600/mo
with an east southeast wind 20 to 25 mph becoming + $600 deposit. CALL THE HELLAND AGENCY 406-228-2114
southwest 6 to 11 mph after midnight. Winds could gust BUZZ
as high as 34 mph. FOR RENT: Great Rentals in St. Marie at reduced price of $425 to help with
Friday: A 20 percent chance of showers before 8am. gas and driving costs. Nicely renovated units with new hot water heater and
Mostly cloudy through mid morning, then gradual furnace to help lower utility costs. Most pets accepted. FOR SALE: Single
clearing, with a high near 62. West wind 15 to 21 mph, story, 3 br, 1 bath in St. Marie. Part of the Condo, new flooring, updated
with gusts as high as 29 mph. furnace and hot water heater. Priced at $19,500 CALL 406-524-3742 FOR
MORE INFORMATION
Friday Night: A 20 percent chance of showers after
BUZZ
midnight. Increasing clouds, with a low around 36. West
HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS NEEDED: Valley View Home is looking
wind 10 to 17 mph, with gusts as high as 26 mph.
to hire full-time CNAs & Nursing Staff, and part-time Dietary Aide. Please
Saturday: A slight chance of rain and snow showers contact Glasgow Job Service or Call 228-2461. Valley View is accepting
before 7am, then a slight chance of rain showers. Partly new residents. CALL VALLEY VIEW FOR MORE INFORMATION 228-2461
sunny, with a high near 54. West wind 11 to 21 mph, with BUZZ
gusts as high as 29 mph. Chance of precipitation is 20%. MARKLES HARDWARE is seeking motivated individuals for part-
Saturday Night: A 20 percent chance of showers before time, full-time, and small engine work. Pay DOE, benefits and health
midnight. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 28. Northwest insurance available. PLEASE PICK UP APPLICATIONS AT MARKLES
wind 16 to 21 mph decreasing to 7 to 12 mph after HARDWARE.
midnight. Winds could gust as high as 30 mph. BUZZ
LOCAL PRESCHOOL is looking for a teacher with a Bachelors Degree
Sunday: Sunny, with a high near 50. West northwest
in Education and a Certificate in Early Childhood Education to teach two
wind 10 to 13 mph.
classes daily for children between the ages of 3 and 5. Applications should
Sunday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 30. be submitted by April 28 for initial screening of candidates. A more detailed
Monday: Mostly cloudy, with a high near 55. job description is available from the Glasgow Job Service.
BUZZ
Tuesday: A slight chance of rain and snow. Mostly
HOME CARE SERVICES is seeking part time office support. 10-15 hours
cloudy, with a high near 57.
per week. Must have computer experience. PLEASE DROP OFF OR MAIL
Wednesday: Partly sunny, with a high near 60. RESUME TO US AT: 315 KLEIN AVE IN GLASGOW. PHONE 228-4200
 Question: Why was
Good the little ink drop crying?

Friday Answer: His dear ol

Dad was in the pen and he
Services didnt know how long the
sentence would be.

The Community
en ior Citizen Center
S
is Invited Sen
Friday, April 14 FRIDAY
7:00 pm
Assembly of God
Swedish
Church Meatballs
Call for reservation by 10 AM
1220 10th St. N 228-9500

Shes a T-Rex
Trail Shredder
We didnt scribble down her
name, but she can handle
that Kawasaki quite well;
once her helmet was on she
was just one of the guys
that shredded the T-Rex Trail
at a past event. All dirt bikers
(no ATVs) are encouraged
to attend the Thompson
& Sons Appreciation Day
this Sunday, April 16th on
PRIVATELY OWNED land
located in the world famous
Hell Creek Formation to rip-
n-shed the T-Rex Trail (try
and tackle Cole Trail for the
enlightened). Go south of the
Fort Peck Spillway on Hiway
24 to mile marker 40 and
hang a left. Says Pat Dunn,
Daylight for the purists or
noon for the rest of the world,
adding, bring your happy
face! So if you show up at
noon, everyone will gather,
warm up their bikes and then
its off to T-Rex country.

BEAUTIFUL SERENE LOCATION

Charming 3 bedroom, two bath home on 3 1/2 acres
for sale, just 1/2 mile south of Glasgow, Montana.
The house has 2528 square feet of living space.
New! Oral Health Services at
New siding, windows and air conditioning/heating
system were installed in 2015. There are two main
Valley County Health Department
floor bedrooms, updated bathroom with double sink,
nice kitchen with open floor plan and large living room Prevent. Protect. Promote.
with beautiful views. The downstairs was remodeled in 500 4th Avenue South | Courthouse Annex
2011, boasting a large den with wood fireplace, storage
room, and bonus room with in suite bathroom. The
detached 1200 square foot garage has a wood stove 406-228-6261
to keep it warm while you work. There are two other
outbuildings: a greenhouse with heat available to it and Protect your childs teeth with Fluoride Varnish
a wood shed. Close to town but yet private. 20-984
every 3 - 6 months for children 6 mo. - age 5
CALL 228-2114 TODAY
www.hellandagencyinc.com Asking $275,000 Call for more information or to make an appointment
 Bowling
El Cor Del Lanes

Monday Night Mens Tuesday City League

Old Mil Light Valley Bank Valley Seed Scottie Express
W: 25 L: 11 W: 18 L: 18 W: 24 L: 8 W: 17 L: 15
Pacific Steel Holy Rollers Durum All Season
W: 23 L: 13 W: 17 L: 18 W: 22 L: 10 W: 12 L: 20
Ezzies Markles Rocks Auto Mall S & S Welding
W: 23 L: 13 W: 13 L: 22 W: 19 L: 13 W: 0 L: 32
NW Energy BYE HIGH GAMES & SERIES
W: 21 L: 15 W: 3 L: 33 Team Scr.: Rocks Auto Mall 941 & 2527 Team
HIGH GAMES & SERIES Hdc.: Rocks Auto Mall 1010 & Valley Seed 2880
Team Scr.: Holy Rollers 1105 & Pacific Steel Ind. Scr.: Jeff Remus 279 & 707 Ind. Hdc.: Ron
2917 Team Hdc.: Holy Rollers 1286 & 3421 Ind. Bishop 315 & 787
Scr.: Robert Weber 267 & 693 Ind. Hdc.: Gary
Gardner 293 & Robert Weber 750
Womens Commercial Stars & Strikes Friday Night Mixed
Old Mil Light FCB - Hinsdale Welcome House Stay Humble We Got Nuthin Hooligans
W: 22 L: 6 W: 15 L: 13 W: 23 L: 9 W: 15 L: 18 W: 18 L: 9 W: 13 L: 15
Bud Light Girls J & K Storage Pocket Pounders Grannies Road Kill The 7-10s
W: 18 L: 10 W: 13 L: 15 W: 19 L: 12 W: 14 L: 18 W: 18 L: 10 W: 13 L: 15
Holiday Juices Card Room Split Happens Bowls Deep Skill Shotz BYE
W: 16 L: 12 W: 7 L: 21 W: 19 L: 13 W: 11 L: 20
CBs Detailing Ghost W: 16 L: 11 W: 0 L: 0
W: 16 L: 12 W: 5 L: 23 Durum Thompson & Sons HIGH GAMES & SERIES
HIGH GAMES & SERIES W: 18 L: 14 W: 8 L: 24 Team Scr.: Road Kill 749 & We Got Nuthin
HIGH GAMES & SERIES 2229 Team Hdc.: The 7-10s 824 & Skill Shotz
Team Scr.: Bud Light Girls 686 & Old Mil Light Team Scr.: Thompson & Sons 761 & Split
1900 Team Hdc.: CBs Detailing 816 & Holiday 2506 Mens Ind. Scr.: Dennis Honrud 223 &
Happens 2315 Team Hdc. Welcome House Ray Glasoe 609 Mens Ind. Hdc.: Mike Slatts
2344 Ind. Scr.: Deb Dulaney 236 & Shelley 917 & Pocket Pounders 2681 Mens Ind. Scr.:
Bryan 539 Ind. Hdc.: Shelly George 253 & 222 & Jarid Jensen 647 Womens Ind. Scr.:
Rocky Thompson 267 & Juice Fischer 676 Karen Bergtoll 215 & Donna Borgen 624
Shyla Bergtoll 671 Mens Ind. Hdc.: Rocky Thompson 295 & 733 Womens Ind. Hdc.: Mary Honrud 225 & Diane
Womens Ind. Scr.: Dawn Thompson 235 & Jensen 652
Jennifer Jackson 599 Womens Ind. Hdc.:
Dawn Thompson 288 & Jennifer Jackson 767
Vicks Lanes
Hi-Line Ford
2017 Vicks Lanes Mens League Champions
Nashua Mixed League
North Forty Tag-A-Longs
W: 73 L: 42 W: 57 L: 59
Blind Side Pauls Glass
W: 58 L: 57 W: 43 L: 73
WEEK 28 HIGH GAMES & SERIES
Team Scr.: North Forty 676 & 1929 Team Hdc.:
Pauls Glass 879 & Tag-A-Longs 2410 Mens
Ind. Scr.: Curt Shipman 265 & 622 Mens Ind.
Hdc.: Curt Shipman 275 & 652 Womens Ind.
Scr.: Michelle Harada 184 & Linda Falkenstern
487 Womens Ind. Hdc.: Michelle Harada 253 &
Shandy Stingley 645
WEEK 29 HIGH GAMES & SERIES
Team Scr.: North Forty 646 & 1856 Team
Red Sillerud, Josh Sillerud, Travis Nielsen, Dusty Shipp & Shawn Sibley Hdc.: North Forty 811 & 2351 Mens Ind. Scr.:
Curt Shipman 247 & 596 Mens Ind. Hdc.: Curt
Be sure to get your Fax: Email: Shipman 256 & Brian Nybakken 658 Womens
weekly scores to us to 228-4578 bscentral@nemont.net Ind. Scr.: Thelma Riggin 164 & 440 Womens Ind.
include in the Buzz! Hdc.: Doreen Pugh 216 & Thelma Riggin 575

Paint & Home Improvement
Get on Schedule for Egress Windows Today!
Ryan Hartwell (406) 945-3635
northprairiepaint@gmail.com
Framing Remodel Roofing Siding Windows
Interior/Exterior Painting Drywall & Texture
CHARMING HOME IN NASHUA
1114 sq. ft. home has 3 bedrooms, 2
bathrooms, open Kitchen, dining and
living room. All freshly painted in side
with newer carpets, updated Kitchen,
and an optional Family room addition.
Nice corner lot with a patio, and
Double car garage with shop!
PRICE REDUCED $75,000
#241
Offered by: Karen Waarvik, Broker/Owner
(406) 228-2525 -
www.redfoxxrealestate.com

EASTER EGG
DISCOUNT WEEK
Save up to 40%
on NEW Spring Fashions
~ Shop Early ~
Spring Selling FAST!
Mon-Fri 9am ~ 6pm
Saturday 9am ~ 4pm
After Hours by Appt.

Wedding
&
Kara
Reigel Chris
Knodel
04-15-17
Red Barn
Gifts
10 am - 5:30 pm M - F
10 am - 4 pm Sat.

NOW OFFERING A FULL LINE

OF SPRINKLER SERVICE
INSTALLATION & SERVICE
Stump Grinding Wind Damage
Spring Cleaning
Power Rake - Aerate
Tree Trimming

Call Johnny 230-2829

 50% OFF Easter Items
An oldie, but goodie
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, ~ NEW ~
a great gift for the wife Picture Frames Stemware
Clocks Jewelry
Last weekend I saw something at Larrys Pistol
& Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion Great garden &
Bridal Registry
was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little spring dcor!! Reigel & Knodel
April 15, 2017
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across We will Close on Good Friday, Hardie & Chappell
was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. April 14 at 3 pm August 12, 2017
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short We will Close on Saturday, Kelly & Hopstad
lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, April 15 at 2 pm September 17, 2017
Flatow & Davidson
allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? Robyns Nest October 24, 2017
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the Home Decor & Fine Gifts
501 1st Ave. S. 228-4646
Mann & Gundermann
November 18, 2017
device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries
in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed TEETH CLEANINGS
5 Days A Week
the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the
same time, Id get the blue arc of electricity darting
back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
(Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
burn spot is on the face of her microwave.)
CALL TODAY
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking 406-228-2211
to myself that it couldnt be all that bad with only two AAA
batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie
Budde Family Dentistry
looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading
the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is
such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to
my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with
my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of
my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
1. a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant;
2. a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
3. a three-second burst would purportedly make your Quality at a Fair Price

assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be
wasting the batteries.
All the while Im looking at this little device
measuring about 5 long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA
continued on back page
Proud Sponsor of the
2017 Vicks Lanes Champions
Josh Sillerud, Travis Nielsen, Dusty Shipp, Red Sillerud, & Shawn Sibley
NORTHEAST MONTANAS FORD HEADQUARTERS
Call Jerry, Josh or Norm 228-2141 866-528-2141
Check us out on the web for more great deals www.hilineford.net
Taser stun gun continued from page 7 The Family of Sandy
batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, no Johnson would like to
thank all of her friends &
possible way! What happened next is almost beyond family for all of their support
description, but Ill do my best. Celebrate through this difficult time. A
Im sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her Dr. Anne special thank you to the
head cocked to one side so as to say, Dont do it stupid, Millard Bradleys Hinsdale Ambulance crew
for your caring support.
reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil
ole thing couldnt hurt all that bad... I decided to give 50th The celebration of life
was a tribute to Sandys
myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched Birthday! life & we would like to
thank the community for
the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... at The Wood the wonderful dinner.
(Located in the Cottonwood)
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS Thanks Again.
DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! Friday, April 14 @ 7 pm Darwin, Matt, Sonja,
Im pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side Cake Snacks Chaz, Brett, Paige,
Karaoke Jason, & Gabe
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed
us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing Treat of the Month
sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture
frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an Winter Hours Deep Fried
11:00-8:00
Twinkie
attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping
all over the living room. Drive Thru 11:00-8:00
Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself
with a Tazer, here are some words of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when
you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until
it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor! A three second burst would be
considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I cant be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape:
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and
my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb
to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe
came from my hair.
Im still looking for my testicles and Im offering a
significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife cant stop laughing about my experience,
loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
 I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, I love
you more than anything on earth!
She said, I bet thats the beer talking, isnt it?
I said, No, its me talking to the beer!

My Girlfriend is sad that her dog died, so I went out and got her an identical dog and
she said What the hell am I going to do with two dead dogs?

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference. On the way there, he tells his driver
that looks a bit like him:

Im sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!

The driver agrees: Youre right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I dont know
anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.

Thats a great idea! says Einstein. Lets switch places then!

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts
giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat My mate phoned me and asked what I was do
up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: What is
your name? submitted 3 hours ago by MrWiggleIt

Flight Attendant: Angela Benz, sir. Probably failing my driving test, I replied.

Businessman: Lovely name..... any relation to Mercedes

Benz?

Flight Attendant: Yes sir, very close

is my wife ashamed of my body? A tiny part of me says
Businessman: How close? yes.

Flight Attendant: Same price. The best way to teach kids about taxes is to eat 30% of
their ice cream

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon

and Im worried about the 175 pounds Ive gained since
then.

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today.

Im pretty sure shes going to get me something.

If he asks what sort of books youre interested in, tell

him check books.

The thing about quotes

What can happen after eating wheaties for 38 years!

What North Korea, Russia, China fear most about U.S. Air Force
by Chuck Norris to ignore US efforts to prevent the weaponization of space,
Most readers know my wife, Gena, and I are big patriots, as and are developing a broad range of ASAT capabilities that
well as proud supporters of those who serve our country in will allow them to threaten the vital satellites depended upon
every branch of the military. by the US and its allies.
My father fought in World War II at the Battle of the The fact is, our adversaries have been hard at work for
Bulge. I served four years in the Air Force in South Korea, years in developing digital warfare that can impede (military)
and my brother, Aaron, served in the Army there on the satellites, as the Washington Post explained: Russia has
DMZ, too. Our brother, Wieland, was killed in action in jammed GPS reception in Ukraine; China has hacked U.S.
Vietnam when he walked point alone and drew out enemy weather satellites; North Korea has jammed signals over the
fire so others in his platoon could fight their way out to demilitarized zone.
freedom. The potential of space warfare is growing through the
However, what readers may not know is how I, too, am proliferation of satellites above our heads. Of the 1,419
interested in the latest and greatest military technology. And satellites orbiting the globe, 576 find their origin from the
whats received my attention lately is the U.S. Air Forces United States, 181 from China and 140from Russia. They
mysterious X-37B space plane, which, interestingly, is just a estimate 25 percent are for military use.
few days away from setting another longevity record on its The U.S. military long ago recognized that any future
current clandestine mission. war is one fought in cyberspace and literal space surrounding
WhatI asked myForce
the Air mom if by about
admits any chance i was adopted
the capabilities of the ? the earth. Because the digital world including commercial
X-37B is this: Technologies being tested in the program and military operations hangs on the very existence of
submittedguidance,
include advanced 1 day ago by goofymens
navigation and control, thermal satellite networks that invisibly circle the globe, cyberspace
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an
protection systems, avionics, high temperature structures and satellites are intricately linked, and desperately need to
idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into
and seals, conformal
She said reusable
- why would insulation,
we choose you..lightweight be protected.
electromechanical flight systems, advanced propulsion Thata istree. the Before anyone to
goal, according knows it, the
Air Force Chiefthree men found
of Staff
systems and autonomous orbital flight, reentry and landing. Gen. David themselves standing
L. Goldfein, whobefore
explained the pearly
last week gatesto oftheHeaven,
But we all know its capabilities go far beyond those Washington Post: The Air Force wants to ensure space nearby.
where St. Peter and the Devil were standing
listed, and likely dive deep into the potential warfare between superiority,Gentlemen,
which means thefreedom
Devil started,
from attack Dueandto the fact that
freedom
nations that could occur in space. As the U.K. Dailly Mail to maneuver.Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit
noted, Theories have ranged from it being a space bomber, WhiletheGen.
number of people
Goldfein fightsentering Heaven.
for 300 F-22s andIfF-35sanyone in of you
to a clandestine probe on a mission to take out spy satellites. case of war with China, Russia, Iran or North
can ask me a question which I dont know or cannot Korea, its the
With only two in the Air Force inventory and about potentialanswer,
offensive andyoure
then defensive
worthy workenough
of X-37B to and
go to other
Heaven; if
one-fourth the size of a NASA shuttle, the unmanned latest covert crafts that will secure the protection
not, then youll come with me to Hell. of our armed
high-tech X-37B plane has flown four missions since April forces fleets.
The philosopher then stepped up, OK, give me the
2010, with the fourth in progress since May 20, 2015. It can Because of its classified nature and its association with
most comprehensive report on Socrates teachings.
fly hundreds of miles above the earth, and its current highly Vandenberg Air Force Base, the home for the secret Star Wars
classified mission is close to surpassing its 674 days-in-flight With a program,
missile defense snap of his some finger,
haveaquestioned
stack of paper whetherappeared
the next
record set back in 2014. to the Devil. The philosopher
X-37B is related Americas space weapons program or a spaceread it and concluded it
With its new type of ion-engine called a Hall-effect weapon was itself,correct.
according Then, go to Hell! With another snap of
to Trunews.
thruster, the X-37B can stay up longer, maneuver at far lower Thehis finger, news
Internet the philosopher
agency added: disappeared.
Veteran satellite
cost in terms of fuel than a similar vehicle with traditional analyst Ted The Molczan
mathematician
told CBSthen Newsasked,that heGive
believed me the the most
rockets, and enjoy a greater ability to maneuver within and payload complicated
was a pair offormula Naval Oceanever theorized!
SurveillanceWith System a snap of
between orbits. This flexibility would allow it to do more in (NOSS) his satellites
finger,used to track
another stackRussian
of paperand appeared
other military next to the
space, including close surveillance of an adversarys satellites ships at sea.
Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed
in orbit, both in terms of optical imaging, and electronic AnitArmy
was signals
correct.officer
Then, toldgoTRUNEWS
to Hell! Withcorrespondent
another snap of
intelligence and signals intelligence gathering. It can also fill a Edward Szall on Friday March 8th that this launch was likely
his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
gap if satellites are badly positioned to respond to short notice a weaponized satellite. A second source who works with an
The idiot then stepped forward and said, Bring me a
events like a nuclear test in North Korea. The X-37B suggests operational CIA security element confirmed the existence of
a new generation of space capabilities beyond traditional weaponized chair! The Devil
satellites brought
technology. forward a chair. Drill 7 holes
satellites, according to Dr. Malcom Davis, assistant professor With onpayloads
the seat. The
that canDevil
includedid atjust
verythat.
leastThe idiot then sat
jammers
in International Relations and post-doctoral research fellow to sabotage on the
otherchair and letit out
satellites, looks a very loud
like the fart. is
X-37B Standing
one of up, he
in China-Western Relations at Bond University. asked, Which hole did my fart
the best U.S. space predators to date, and our enemies know come out from? The
North Korea isnt the only nation on watch with the it. Its oneDevil
of ourinspected
adversaries the seatcyber-warfare
worst and said, The third hole from
nightmares.
X-37B. The X-37B should equally prompt fear for Russia and the right.
It reminds me of
Wrong,
the lyrics said the idiot, its from
of singer-songwriter my asshole.
Jonatha
China, too. Brooke: And the idiot went to heaven.
Dr. Davis added that it can likely neutralize or deter Youll never see me coming
adversarial counter-space threats from anti-satellite, or ASAT, Youll never know my name
weapons, given that both Russia and China are continuing Try to remember, try to forget
 I tried to force feed my
child while at the zoo...
But nothing would eat
him.

I tried to force feed my

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Steven anymore? You used to child. After a while, my
be best friends! wife said, Use the fork,
Mike, youre not a Jedi.
submitted 7 hours ago * by riley7832

Son: Well, would you talk to someone who is stupid, does

drugs, and is an alcoholic?

Mom: Of course not!

Son: Well, neither would he.

So Wanting to keep dirty old men out of the

little girls room is discrimination? Lets end the
discussion by making all bathrooms unisex one
seaters. Just like grandpas outhouse. Think of all
the jobs this will create... (while costing taxpayers
billions upon billions!)