Finding a Peaceful Solution

One of our grade 3 female students receives transportation to school

in Plymouth, MN from St. Paul, MN as she is protected under the
McKinney Vento act. At the same time, we have had some safety
issues with the driver, and the student has been displaying several behavioral
issues. One day in February, the student received a write up from the
transportation company for behavior in the van on the way to school. Our
transportation policy says that the second offense can include a Office Discipline
Referral, which was the route I took for this issue.
The same evening, the students mother called and was very upset about her
daughter receiving this rule slip, as she did not believe her child was misbehaving.
When I tried to explain the facts about her discipline issues, such as not listening to
the driver or her teacher, aggressive behavior on the playground, and treating
friends with disrespect, the mother continued to cut me off and yell. I alerted her
that I wanted to work toward a solution with her but if she was not going to talk to
me respectfully, we would have to talk another day. In the end, she continued to
yell so I said I was going to hang up. The mother hung up on me.
The next morning, the mother got a ride into school from St. Paul to discuss the
matter. In addition to the mother, she brought her sister and daughter and our
Principal, Equity Specialist and Transportation Coordinator joined the meeting. We
stated that we appreciated her passion for her daughter and that we were all at the
meeting for the same reason to find a solution. This showed the mother that our
relationship with her was a priority and that the issue was not her or her daughter,
but the behavior of both the driver and her daughter.
We started by listening to the mothers concerns, one of which was that the
classroom teacher had not alerted her of any of the behavioral issues. She was also
concerned about her daughters safety on the way to school. As she spoke, she
reached for my hand and said, I am so sorry for the phone call yesterday. I
couldnt sleep all night and cried this morning. I told her I understand and it is in
the past that we are here for her daughter and will work things out.
As a school team, we agreed to make sure the teacher from this point forward will
keep mom updated on her daughters behavior and academic performance. We
also made changes in transportation so that a new, safe driver was appointed.
Mom, aunt and I continued to talk about strategies to support her daughter in the
classroom, such as preferential seating and a task card. By the end of the meeting,
mom was hugging me, thanking me and was as excited as I was about our new
partnership and the positive solutions we reached.
This scenario posed an ethical dilemma because it is our responsibility as educators
to develop partnerships with parents, and this relationship was in danger. Problem
solving together was critical in this situation to get back in sync with the parent in
order to support her daughter.