Braydon Sorensen

Comm 2110

Date: April 22, 2016

Submitted to Professor Sarah Billington

Overview:

My goal throughout this semester was to implement empathy, understanding, etc. In

conversations with my wife and my coworkers. Throughout the semester, I could use various

techniques form our text book, Interpersonal Communication Relating to Others, Beebe, Beebe,

and Redmond. These techniques such as the communication process (Beebe Pg.7-10), Listening

(Beebe Pg. 120-122), and Improving Verbal Communication Skills (Beebe Pg. 155-188).

The Issues that I faced the most throughout this project was making sure that I am trying to

implement theses process into my conversations trying to really make a change. In The rest of

this paper I will discuss the issue that was at hand and how I worked to change that issues, with

the knowledge and skills that I developed throughout this course.

Unwanted Communication Pattern:

At the start of the semester, I really didnt know what I was trying to solve or what issues I had in

my personal life that led communication conflicts. So, I took a guess and suggested that I will try

no improving on my conversations Yes, it was very broad and didnt really get in to detail

besides adding more to conversations and empathy. During the semester, I really thought about

what else could I add to these conversations that I am having with not only my wife, but with my

co-workers. Thats when I thought about the flaws that I was having in listening. And the errors

that I had in communicating in general I went to the book and refreshed my mind on what we
were discussing in class. Me not listening, or not focused on the other person in turn led to bad

relationships. Me and my spouse had a tough time before this project. And I didnt really put any

thought in to why we were having such a hard time communicate. When I say that I am not

listening what Im saying is that I am not taking the time to focus on the person. I tend to drift off

in my own mind and think of other things such as what happened earlier throughout the day, or

what are the plans for dinner, or what am I doing this coming up weekend. This was also

affecting my work in a not so good way. I would not be focused on the task at hand due to

school, spouse, money, normal life stuff with ended up me talking to my manager about my

performance. The step in the listening process that I was missing here is Selecting (Beebe Pg.

121.) Without selecting to listen to that person unlike me, you can be distracted by other things.

Also, looking back at my errors, I noticed that I didnt really show any emotion in my

conversations. I was very monotone and not really involved. The weird thing is that I think that I

am very passionate and a very expressive person. But my wife and co-workers would tell you

otherwise. The thing that really made me see this flaw was when my spouse was going through a

very hard time at her job. I however at the same time had a very long day at work and didnt

really want to talk, and thats all I was focused on at the time. So, when she brought up her

concerns, I didnt show any competition, love, empathy or any emotion for that matter. I should

have chosen to use support words (Beebe Pg. 173) and shown that I did care at that time.

Looking back this is a trait that I developed from my father. Dont get me wrong he is a very

good guy, but it seems that he doesnt care about any conversation until it is something about

him or something that might be affecting him. It is sad to say that I couldnt see if for myself,

and that I had to take a Communications course to self asses and make changes. But I am

grateful however it has made my life easier, and less stressful.

Strategies:

In my proposal, I had to goals one show that I was sincere by using the I-thou communication

process. And if I didnt understand, I would ask questions that my lead to a better understanding.

Second, to make sure that I was going through the whole communication process and implanting

those steps. These goals were supposed to help me focus on listening to the other person which

they did. But they didnt really help me on the emotional part of conversations that me and my

spouse were lacking. The I thou communication (Beebe Pg. 3) step does touch on having true,

honest dialogue but you cannot not just go from nothing to something. You need to have the in-

between and the in-between for me was the verbal communication. (Beebe Pg.155-188)

My I thou communication goal didnt go very well in the beginning due to was I did explain

earlier. I didnt have the foundation to build apron, and was really missing two things. I already

solved that I needed to focus on my verbal communication, (Beebe Pg. 155-188) but I also need

to focus on listening. (Beebe Pg. 120-122) Listening is huge because is plays such an important

part of communication, if you dont listen the process of communication is shut down right from

the start. What is listening? Listening is a complex process of selecting, attending to, creating

meaning from, remembering, and responding to verbal and nonverbal messages (Beebe Pg.120-

121) as defined in our text. When listening I need to focus on the process selecting, attending,

understanding, remembering and responding. (Beebe Pg. 121) For me I am going to have this

conversation with my spouse, I am selecting her voice her channel of communication. And by

doing this will automatically help transition me to the second step attending the conversation. I

am going to focus on her and only her. Once I am attended I will hopefully understand what she

is trying to communicate. Our text explains understanding is the process of assigning meaning

to the sounds you select and to which you attend. (Beebe Pg. 121) My interpretation of this is
that we can here noises and that is a part of hearing. Understanding is a mental process that we

go through and are hopefully educated enough to understand what the other person is saying.

One I have understood what my spouse is communication to me for here I will be led into the

remembering process, which is recalling the information that was said by the other individual.

Once you remember your will continue and finish with the last step responding. Now hopefully I

have paid attention to the previous steps and respond with an answer that has something to do

with the message that she is trying to convey. The second step to reach my first goal would be to

use good verbal communication. (Beebe Pg. 155-188) More specifically using words that are

more specific (Beebe Pg. 166), be apologetic (Beebe Pg. 178), and be more empathetic. (Beebe

Pg. 177) My spouse tells me all the time to be more specific, stop making me ask a lot of

questions to get an answer that could be one sentence long. Know looking back this is something

that I did a lot and it annoyed the crap out of here and for that I do truly apologies. (Beebe Pg.

178) And to prevent this from happening again I will make sure that when asked a question I will

use answer that are more direct and specific. Our text describes specific by not be specific which

I like because it shows us what they mean by not being specific so we should know that specific

is the exact opposite. They use the word Restricted code, this means that that we use a set of

words that have a particular meaning to a subgroup or culture. (Beebe Pg. 166) For example

when you are texting your friend you two might have words or abbreviated words to describe

current things or mean different things than other individuals. So, when you transfer that to a

conversation with your parents or co-worker, they tend to ask more questions to get the answer

they are looking for. For me and my spouse we have started to come up with our own restricted

code (Beebe Pg. 166) that has made it easier for us to communicate, now if I in turn used this at

my work it probably would not be as affective and result in a longer conversation.

My second goal was to make sure to use the commutation process to its entirety to make sure

that my communication is true and honest. Now looking back, I am glad that I chose this a

second goal because it complements my first goal and expands on what I learned in the first

goal; but also challenges my knowledge as well. The steps of communication are as follows. The

source, message, channel, receiver, noise, and feedback. (Beebe Pg. 7) The source of the

message is the information that is being sent form the person that is speaking. (Beebe Pg. 7) This

information is crucial because it is the start of a conversation. The second step Message is the

step of the message and how it is presented. (Beebe Pg. 7) The third step is the channel this

defined as the way the message is received. Face to face, email, text, letter, etc. (Beebe Pg. 7)

The fourth step is the Receiver, this is the person that we take the message and interpret the other

persons thought and words. (Beebe Pg. 7) The Fifth step is the noise, noise is anything that may

interfere with the message causing it to not be true from the original depending on if the receiver

was listening correctly. (Beebe Pg. 7) The last and sixth step in the process is feedback. Feedback

is the response to the message. (Beebe pg. 7) Now implementing this into my conversations with

my wife is a true test of my knowledge and being able to stay focused and ensure that I am truly

listening, and expanding my verbal communication with words that are specific while maintain

the Communication process to its entirety.

Constraints:

My goals were set and the motivation was there, but I did lack the will power to push me through

confrontational situations. This is something that I have been dealing with my whole life. I hate

conflict but how does? I would find myself getting in these intense situations with my wife and

most of the time it was my own doing. She would want more information from me, or wanted me
to show more emotion but I would lack the gumption to step up to the plate, and use my

knowledge for the better.

Implementation:

Through my constraints, I always wanted to say something after the fight or after I had time to

think about how I really felt about a current subject or matter. For example, my wife and I had an

argument about how my mother doesnt listen or do what we ask her to do when watching our

son. She was upset with her as was I but, our argument was that I didnt tell her how I felt and

that was mainly since my spouse yells when she is passionate about something. But when I get

yelled at intentionally I automatically go into safe mode and dont respond. Its was not a lack on

my part for not listening (Beebe Pg. 120-122) but a lack of not using the communication process.

Later we did have the same conversation but this time I used verbal communication (Beebe Pg.

155-188) to be more specific in was I was trying to say and was more empathetic. In this sincere

I know my spouse very well and I know that she is just a very loud person in general. I should

have not taken her yelling personally, and should have used the communication process. Looking

back now her yelling was just the noise that comes along with the communication process. This

step can be misinterpreted just like I did and can turn into not so good feedback. (Beebe Pg. 7)

A second example that my spouse and I had, is when my spouse wanted to know how my day

went at work one day. To give you some back-ground I work in collections and people are not

the easiest to deal with daily. Sometimes I bring that negative energy home and it affects my

conversations that I have with my spouse. So, she asked me how my day went, a very direct

question. I noticed that she was asking me the question which was a face to face (Channel) and I

the receiver was paying attention and was focused on the message. The noise was the heavy

work load that I had that day, and the stresses that I brought home with me. But I did notice that
she was trying to communicate, and I noticed that I brought it home but was not going to let it

affect our conversation. My response to her question was, Good I had to talk to some not so nice

people, but other than that not a bad day at the office. After that our conversation continued and

resulted in a very nice evening with me and my family. (Beebe Pg. 7)

Looking back at this example I could implement my knowledge of the Communication process

very well by not letting any noise get to me. (Beebe Pg. 7) And by listening (Beebe Pg. 120-122)

to what she was saying and not being distracted by what my day was before I came home.

From the two examples I my constraints were not letting outside distractions affect my

conversations, and forcing myself to respond in confrontational situations. In my first example I

didnt do so well in responding and letting the outside noise get to me. I realized that if I didnt

make a change in my abnormal conversations that I had with my spouse and co-workers. My

relationships with them would only go so far, and potentially could hurt my success further down

the road. I have now just forced myself to say something positive about a negative situation. This

has helped me in turn respond and continue the conversation. But has also given more the

conversations that I am having with my spouse and co-workers.

Results:

The positive out ways the negative in my project. The positive is that I have been using the

Communication process more and more without thinking about it. (Beebe Pg. 7) And my listing

skills (Beebe Pg. 120-122) are more polished and well rounded. And my verbal communication

is more affective. (Beebe Pg. 155-188) I have been able to tell people my thoughts and feeling

without feeling that I am going to be treated differently or yelled at. And me and my spouses

relationship is a lot less confrontational, due to the use of the Communication process (Beebe Pg.

7) and listening process. (Beebe pg. 120-122) As far as the negative the only negative experience
that I had is that I am no longer friends with my co-workers. Me got in to a disagreement and I

let her says what she wanted to say and I received the message the way she wanted it to be

received. From that point, I decide it would be best if I didnt surround myself with her. I am not

going into further detail due to the appropriateness of the situation.

Recommendations:

Will I continue this course of action yes, I will! It has worked out in my favor and has really

helped me developed my overall communications skills. I will make some modifications to my

Communication process when it comes to noise (Beebe Pg. 7). I sometimes will bring negative

energy from work home, So I am planning on either talking to a co-worker about my daily stress

before I leave or listen to some calming music on the car ride home.

Work Cited

Beebe, Steven A., Susan J. Beebe, and Mark V. Redmond. Interpersonal Communication:

Relating to Others. Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 2011. Print.