IELTSTutor notes

This is not a bad answer, displaying good control of a variety of grammatical structures.
While vocabulary is occasionally repeated, the range of vocabulary is suitable for the task.
The answer could be better organized however, as information is repeated and there arent many
comparisons made between the summer and winter figures. The pie chart is mentioned only briefly
and not linked to the data in the graph.
To improve this answer I would recommend that more time is spent comparing the differences in
the trends of data between summer and winter electricity use.

IELTSTutor grammar and vocabulary corrections

The use of electricity in England is indispensed with demand for electrictity in England Commented [SM1]: Make sure meaning remains clear
during typical dayson an average day in winter and summer is illustrated in the graph. The use after paraphrasing. indispensed is not an English word
of electricityThe electricity used in an average English home is shown in the pie chart. From the Commented [SM2]: Avoid repeating phrases from the
graph, it is generally obvious clear that the the time in which electricity demand is in at its original task.

maximum is around 21.00, and in its minimumwhile demand is lowest at around approximately Commented [SM3]: Try not to repeat your own phrases.
Try: The electricity used
04.00, being almost constant between 12.00 and 21.00 in winter times. During summer times, on
the other hand, the electricity demand reaches its top pointpeak at around 13.00, and the bottom Commented [SM4]: clear is a better academic word.
point aroundand is at a minimum at 09.00, being almost constantremaining roughly level Commented [SM5]: Repetition of words should be
between 15.50 and 20.00. reduced.
Commented [SM6]: Another repeated phrase.
In Winter times, the curvedemand gradually increares increases to reach 40,000 units of
electrictity electricity by 3 oclock in the morning. This is followed by a gradual slow decline to its Commented [SM7]: Repetition of gradual.
lowest limite value of 30,000 units at 9 oclock. A gradual rise is obvious againDemand then
recovers to reach a stationary level between 3 oclock and 9 oclock of about 40,000 units again.
ThenFollowing this, there is a sharp rise in the nest next hour, when electricity consumption to rech Commented [SM8]: Lets try to use a wider range of
reaches its maximum before collapsing again to a lower level by the end of the day. linking words.
Commented [SM9]: Good!
In summer time, the curveuse of electricity gradually decreases to reach its lower limitits lowest Commented [SM10]: We should try to be as clear as we
level at around 9 oclock of a bitwith a little more than 10,000 units. A gradual steady increase is can when referencing the graph information.
noticed then occurs to reach its topa peak value of 20,000 units after which a stationary phase is
obviousdemand hovers at about 15,000 units between 3 oclock and 10 oclock. at night of about
15,000 unites.

The pie chart, on the other hand, shows that 52.5% of the electricity is used for heating rooms and Commented [SM11]: This phrase is used in the first
water. 17.55% is consumed for ovens, kettles and washing machines, 15% is used in lighting, TV paragraph, and isnt really necessary here.
and radio, and finally 15% is consumed in the sue of vacuumfor the use of vacuum cleaners, food
mixers and electric tools.