Henry IV, Part II

No Fear Shakespeare Henry IV, Part II (by SparkNotes) -1-
Original Text Modern Text
Prologue
Enter RUMOR all painted with tongues RUMOR enters, wearing a costume covered with
painted tongues.
RUMOR RUMOR
Open your ears, for which of you will stop Open your ears! For who could possibly block
The vent of hearing when loud Rumor speaks? them when loud Rumor speaks? I make the wind
I, from the orient to the drooping west, my horse, and ride it from the Orient in the east to
Making the wind my post-horse, still unfold the place where the sun sets in the west,
5 The acts commenced on this ball of earth. describing the events taking place in the world. I
Upon my tongues continual slanders ride, continually tell lies and I tell them in every
The which in every language I pronounce, language, stuffing mens ears with falsehoods. I
Stuffing the ears of men with false reports. say that things are peaceful when, in reality,
I speak of peace while covert enmity concealed hatred is at work, hidden behind smiles
10 Under the smile of safety wounds the world. of good will.
And who but Rumor, who but only I, And who but Rumorwho besides mecan
Make fearful musters and prepared defense, make armies prepare anxious defenses, when in
Whiles the big year, swoll'n with some other grief, fact the world is uneasy for other reasons and
Is thought with child by the stern tyrant war, theres no war coming at all? Rumor is like a flute.
15 And no such matter? Rumor is a pipe Guesswork, suspicion, and speculation are the
Blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures, breath that makes it sound, and its so easy to play
And of so easy and so plain a stop that even the common massesthat dim monster
That the blunt monster with uncounted heads, with innumerable heads, forever clamoring and
The still-discordant wav'ring multitude, waveringcan play it. But why should I describe
20 Can play upon it. But what need I thus myself in such detail to the one group of people
My well-known body to anatomize who knows exactly what falsehood is all about: a
Among my household? Why is Rumor here? theater audience? Why am I here?
I run before King Harrys victory, King Henry has won the war, and at Shrewsbury,
Who in a bloody field by Shrewsbury he ended the rebellion against him by defeating
25 Hath beaten down young Hotspur and his troops, Hotspur and his allies, quenching the fire of revolt
Quenching the flame of bold rebellion with the rebels' own blood. But what am I doing,
Even with the rebels' blood. But what mean I telling you the truth up front? My job is to spread
To speak so true at first? My office is word that Hotspur in his fury killed Prince Hal, and
To noise abroad that Harry Monmouth fell that Douglas killed the King. Ive spread this rumor
through all the peasant
Prologue, Page 2
30 Under the wrath of noble Hotspurs sword, villages from Shrewsbury to the place where I now
And that the King before the Douglas' rage stand: in front of the worm-eaten, dilapidated
Stooped his anointed head as low as death. castle of Northumberland, Hotspurs father, who
This have I rumored through the peasant towns lies within and pretends to be sick.
Between that royal field of Shrewsbury The messengers are coming hot and heavy, and
35 And this worm-eaten hold of ragged stone, every single one of them will report nothing but
Where Hotspurs father, old Northumberland, what hes heard from me. Straight from Rumor,
Lies crafty-sick. The posts come tiring on, they bring pretty tales of false comfort, which are
And not a man of them brings other news far worse than truthful news of misfortune.
Than they have learnt of me. From Rumors tongues
40 They bring smooth comforts false, worse than true
wrongs.
Exit RUMOR exits.
Act 1, Scene 1
Enter LORD BARDOLPH LORD BARDOLPH enters.

LORD BARDOLPH LORD BARDOLPH
Who keeps the gate here, ho? Hello? Whos the doorman around here?
Enter the PORTER The PORTER opens the door.
Where is the Earl? (to the PORTER) Wheres the Earl?
PORTER PORTER
What shall I say you are? Who shall I say you are?
Tell thou the Earl Tell the Earl that the Lord Bardolph is here to see
That the Lord Bardolph doth attend him here. him.
PORTER PORTER
His lordship is walked forth into the orchard. His lordship is out walking in the orchard. If you
5 Please it your Honor knock but at the gate dont mind, knock at the orchard gate and hell
And he himself will answer. answer it himself.
NORTHUMBERLAND Enter NORTHUMBERLAND enters from another side of
the stage.
Here comes the Earl. Here comes the Earl.
Exit PORTER The PORTER exits.
NORTHUMBERLAND NORTHUMBERLAND
What news, Lord Bardolph? Every minute now Whats the news, Lord Bardolph? Every minute,
Should be the father of some stratagem. new violence erupts; it is a wild time. Conflict is
The times are wild. Contention, like a horse like a horse, fed with too much rich food: it has
10 Full of high feeding, madly hath broke loose broken out uncontrollably, and tramples everyone
And bears down all before him. who stands before it.
Act 1, Scene 1, Page 2

Noble Earl, Noble Earl, I have reliable news from Shrewsbury.
I bring you certain news from Shrewsbury.
Good, an God will! Good news, God willing.

As good as heart can wish. As good as one could wish for. The King has been
15 The King is almost wounded to the death, wounded and is near death. And, thanks to your
And, in the fortune of my lord your son, sons luck, Prince Harry has been killed. Douglas
Prince Harry slain outright; and both the Blunts killed both Lords Blunt. Prince John of Lancaster,
Killed by the hand of Douglas; young Prince John Westmoreland, and Stafford fled the battlefield.
And Westmoreland and Stafford fled the field; And your son captured that hulking Sir John
20 And Harry Monmouths brawn, the hulk Sir John, Falstaff, Prince Harrys fattened pig. Oh, there
Is prisoner to your son. O, such a day, hasnt been a battle so well fought or a victory so
So fought, so followed, and so fairly won, well won since the days of Julius Caesar! It brings
Came not till now to dignify the times honor to our times.
Since Caesars fortunes.
How is this derived? How do you know all this? Did you see the
25 Saw you the field? Came you from Shrewsbury? battlefield? Did you come from Shrewsbury?
I spake with one, my lord, that came from thence, I talked with someone, my lord, who was coming
A gentleman well bred and of good name, from there. He was a gentleman, with good
That freely rendered me these news for true. breeding and a good reputation. He swore that all
this was the truth.
Here comes my servant Travers, who I sent Here comes my servant, Travers. I sent him last
30 On Tuesday last to listen after news. Tuesday to find out what was happening.
Enter TRAVERS TRAVERS enters.
My lord, I overrode him on the way; Sir, I passed him on my way here. He doesnt
And he is furnished with no certainties know anything more than what I told him.
More than he haply may retail from me.
Now, Travers, what good tidings comes with you? Now Travers, what good news do you have?
TRAVERS TRAVERS
35 My lord, Sir John Umfrevile turned me back Sir, Lord Bardolph told me happy news and I
With joyful tidings and, being better horsed, turned around, to come back here. But he had a
Outrode me. After him came spurring hard faster horse, so he passed me and got here first.
A gentleman, almost forspent with speed, Another man came after him, riding hard. He was
That stoppd by me to breathe his bloodied horse. nearly exhausted from going so fast, and he
40 He asked the way to Chester, and of him stopped to give his bleeding horse a break. He
I did demand what news from Shrewsbury. asked me for directions to Chester, and I
He told me that rebellion had bad luck demanded to hear news from Shrewsbury. He
And that young Harry Percys spur was cold. said that the rebels had been beaten, and that
With that he gave his able horse the head Harry Percys spur was cold. Then he took off on
45 And, bending forward, struck his armd heels his horse, leaned forward in his saddle, and
Against the panting sides of his poor jade jammed his heels into the animals side so hard
Up to the rowel-head, and starting so that they almost disappeared. He rode so fast he
He seemed in running to devour the way, seemed to be devouring the highway. He didnt
Staying no longer question. stay around to answer any of my questions.
Ha? Again: What? Say that again: he said that Harry Percys
50 Said he young Harry Percys spur was cold? spur was cold? Hotspur is now Coldspur? That
Of Hotspur, Coldspur? That rebellion the rebels had bad luck?
Had met ill luck?
My lord, Ill tell you what: My lord, Ill tell you whatif your son hasnt won,
If my young lord your son have not the day, on my honor, Ill exchange all my land for a lace to
Upon mine honor, for a silken point tie stockings with; dont even say such a thing.
55 Ill give my barony. Never talk of it.
Why should that gentleman that rode by Travers But why would that gentleman who rode past
Give then such instances of loss? Travers describe such examples of loss?
Who, he? Who, him? He was some insignificant nobody who
He was some hilding fellow that had stolen stole the horse he was riding and, I bet my life,
The horse he rode on and, upon my life, was just talking nonsense. Look, here comes
60 Spoke at a venture. Look, here comes more news. another messenger.
Enter MORTON MORTON enters.
Yea, this mans brow, like to a title leaf, Yes. And the look on his face is like the title page
Foretells the nature of a tragic volume. of a book: it hints at the tragic story within. His
So looks the strand whereon the imperious flood brow is lined with furrows, like a beach after a wild
Hath left a witnessd usurpation. flood. Morton, did you come from Shrewsbury?
65 Say, Morton, didst thou come from Shrewsbury?
MORTON MORTON
I ran from Shrewsbury, my noble lord, I ran from Shrewsbury, my noble lord. Death was
Where hateful death put on his ugliest mask there, frightening our side with his ugliest mask.
To fright our party.
How doth my son and brother? How are my son and my brother? Youre
70 Thou tremblest, and the whiteness in thy cheek trembling, and the paleness of your face is more
Is apter than thy tongue to tell thy errand. likely to convey your news than your tongue. This
Even such a man, so faint, so spiritless, is like that old story about the burning of Troy. A
So dull, so dead in look, so woebegone, man like youfaint, lifeless, dull, deadly-looking,
Drew Priams curtain in the dead of night, sadwoke King Priam in the dead of night to tell
75 And would have told him half his Troy was burnt; him that half the city of Troy had been burned
But Priam found the fire ere he his tongue, down. But Priam saw the fire before this man
And I my Percys death ere thou reportst it. could speak, and I can see my Percys death
This thou wouldst say, Your son did thus and thus; before you report it. Youre going to tell me, Your
Your brother thus; so fought the noble Douglas son did such-and-such; your brother did this; the
80 Stopping my greedy ear with their bold deeds. noble Douglas fought like so. Youll stuff my
But in the end, to stop my ear indeed, greedy ears with stories of their bold deeds. But in
Thou hast a sigh to blow away this praise, the end, youll stop my ears forever with a sigh
Ending with Brother, son, and all are dead. that blows away all your words of praise. You will
end your story by saying, Your brother, your son,
everyone-dead.
MORTON MORTON
Douglas is living, and your brother yet, Douglas is alive, and so is your brother, for now.
85 But for my lord your son But as for your son, my lord
Why, he is dead. Why, he is dead. My suspicion is so quick to
See what a ready tongue suspicion hath! speak! When a man fears something, and doesnt
He that but fears the thing he would not know want to know the truth, he can still tell when that
Hath, by instinct, knowledge from others' eyes thing has happened; by instinct, he can read it in
That what he feared is chancd. Yet speak, Morton. another mans eyes. But speak, Morton. Tell me,
90 Tell thou an earl his divination lies, who am an earl, that I have
And I will take it as a sweet disgrace no talent for prophecy. Ill take it as a pleasant
And make thee rich for doing me such wrong. insult, and Ill pay you richly for doing me that
wrong.
MORTON MORTON
You are too great to be by me gainsaid, You are too great a man to be slandered by me.
Your spirit is too true, your fears too certain. Your instinct is correct; your fears are true.
95 Yet, for all this, say not that Percys dead. But despite all this, dont say that Percys dead. I
I see a strange confession in thine eye. can see a strange sort of confession in your eyes.
Thou shakst thy head and holdst it fear or sin You shake your head; youre afraid to tell the
To speak a truth. If he be slain, say so. truth, or you think it would be sinful. If hes been
The tongue offends not that reports his death; killed, say so. The man who reports a death
100 And he doth sin that doth belie the dead, doesnt offend with that report. To lie about the
Not he which says the dead is not alive. dead is a sin, but it is no sin to say that a dead
Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news man is not alive. Its a losing situation, being the
Hath but a losing office, and his tongue first man to bring unwelcome news. That mans
Sounds ever after as a sullen bell voice sounds forever like a sad bell, and it will
105 Remembered tolling a departing friend. always be remembered for tolling the death of a
friend.
I cannot think, my lord, your son is dead. My lord, I cannot believe your son is dead.
MORTON MORTON
I am sorry I should force you to believe Im sorry that I must force you to believe this,
That which I would to God I had not seen, when I wish to God that I hadnt seen it myself.
But these mine eyes saw him in bloody state, But I saw him, in his bloody state, with my own
110 Rend'ring faint quittance, wearied and outbreathed, eyes. He was barely able to fight back, exhausted
To Harry Monmouth; whose swift wrath beat down and out of breath. Harry Monmouths swift fury
The never-daunted Percy to the earth, beat the unflinching Percy down to the ground,
From whence with life he never more sprung up. and once he was there, Percy never rose again.
In few, his death, whose spirit lent a fire To be brief, Percys spirit inspired the entire army,
115 Even to the dullest peasant in his camp, down to the dullest peasant. When the news got
Being bruited once, took fire and heat away out that he had been killed, it took the fire and
From the best tempered courage in his troops; courage away from even the bravest soldiers.
For from his metal was his party steeled, Percys metal steeled the whole army; when they
Which, once in him abated, all the rest learned that he had been blunted, they bent and
120 Turned on themselves, like dull and heavy lead. warped like dull, heavy lead.
And as the thing thats heavy in itself And just as a heavy object gains momentum once
Upon enforcement flies with greatest speed, its pushed into motion, our army, made heavy by
So did our men, heavy in Hotspurs loss, Hotspurs death, suddenly started moving fast
Lend to this weight such lightness with their fear faster than arrows flying toward a targetbut they
125 That arrows fled not swifter toward their aim flew toward safety, not toward the battle. Soon,
Than did our soldiers, aiming at their safety, Worcester, that furious Scotsman, was captured.
Fly from the field. Then was the noble Worcester The warlike Douglas, who killed three enemies
Too soon ta'en prisoner; and that furious Scot, disguised as King Henry, began to lose courage:
The bloody Douglas, whose well-laboring sword he ran away as well, lending his authority to the
130 Had three times slain th'appearance of the King, shameful retreat. But running in fear, he stumbled
Gan vail his stomach and did grace the shame and was captured.
Of those that turned their backs and in his flight, The bottom line is that King Henry has won. Hes
Stumbling in fear, was took. The sum of all sent a speedy force after you, sir, led by young
Is that the King hath won and hath sent out John of Lancaster and Westmoreland. That is the
135 A speedy power to encounter you, my lord, whole story.
Under the conduct of young Lancaster
And Westmoreland. This is the news at full.
For this I shall have time enough to mourn. There will be time to mourn for this. Sometimes
In poison there is physic, and these news, poison can be a kind of medicine: this news,
140 Having been well, that would have made me sick, which would have made me sick had I been well,
Being sick, have in some measure made me well. has, because I am sick, made me well. A dying
And as the wretch whose fever-weakened joints, manhis joints weakened by fever, dangling like
Like strengthless hinges, buckle under life, useless hinges and crumpling under the mans
Impatient of his fit, breaks like a fire own weightwill sometimes be stuck with a fit of
145 Out of his keepers arms, even so my limbs, impatience, causing him to burst out of his
Weakened with grief, being now enraged with grief, caretakers arms. My limbs are like that now; once
Are thrice themselves. Hence therefore, thou nice weakened by grief, theyre now enraged by grief,
crutch. and are three times as powerful as they were

A scaly gauntlet now with joints of steel before. Away from me, you unmanly crutch! Chain
150 Must glove this hand. And hence, thou sickly coif. mail armor will cover my hands now. Away from
Thou art a guard too wanton for the head me, you invalids cap! You are too fanciful a
Which princes, fleshed with conquest, aim to hit. helmet for this head which is now the target of
Now bind my brows with iron, and approach kings, grown arrogant with their victories. Wrap
The raggedst hour that time and spite dare bring my head in iron, and then attack me with the
155 To frown upon th'enraged Northumberland. roughest things that destiny and hatred will dare
Let heaven kiss earth! Now let not Natures hand to bring upon me in my rage. Let the sky come
Keep the wild flood confined. Let order die, crashing down! Let the ocean overflow the
And let this world no longer be a stage shores! Let law and order die! And let the world
no longer be a stage for a long, drawn-out
struggle: let the spirit of
To feed contention in a lingering act; Cain, who committed the first murder against his
But let one spirit of the firstborn Cain brother Abel, live in every heart. If every heart is a
160 Reign in all bosoms, that, each heart being set murderers heart, this violent play will end, and
On bloody courses, the rude scene may end, darkness will shroud the corpses.
And darkness be the burier of the dead.
This straind passion doth you wrong, my lord. This extreme passion is bad for you, sir.
MORTON MORTON
Sweet Earl, divorce not wisdom from your honor. Gentle Earl, dont abandon your wisdom. All your
165 The lives of all your loving complices allies are depending on you and your well-being.
Lean on your health, the which, if you give o'er If you allow yourself to indulge in this kind of
To stormy passion, must perforce decay. stormy emotion, your health will deteriorate even
You cast th' event of war, my noble lord, further. Before you said, Lets raise an army, you
And summed the account of chance before you said calculated how the war might end, and you
170 Let us make head. It was your presurmise thought carefully about the likeliness of a victory.
That, in the dole of blows your son might drop. You knew from the beginning that, once the
You knew he walked o'er perils on an edge, fighting started, your son might die. You knew that
More likely to fall in than to get o'er. he was treading dangerously, as if on the edge of
You were advised his flesh was capable a precipice: you knew he was more likely to fall
175 Of wounds and scars, and that his forward spirit over than make it across. You were warned that
Would lift him where most trade of danger ranged. your son was made of flesh and blood, and that it
Yet did you say Go forth, and none of this, was possible hed get hurt. You were warned that
Though strongly apprehended, could restrain his temper and hot-headedness would push him
The stiff-borne action. What hath then befall'n, into the most dangerous situations. But you still
180 Or what did this bold enterprise brought forth, said, Go forward. None of this consideration,
More than that being which was like to be? even though it was clearly understood, could stop
the stubborn course of events. So what happened
here? What has been the result of this brave
undertaking? Only this: precisely what was likely

to happen in the first place.
We all that are engagd to this loss We all knew that we were venturing into
Knew that we ventured on such dangerous seas dangerous waters. We knew the odds were ten to
That if we wrought out life, twas ten to one; one that we would come out alive, and yet we
185 And yet we ventured, for the gain proposed ventured forward anyway. The potential reward of
Choked the respect of likely peril feared; winning outweighed the fear of our probable loss.
And since we are o'erset, venture again. We lost this time, but lets try again. Come, well
Come, we will all put forth, body and goods. all go for it, body and soul.
MORTON MORTON
'Tis more than time.And, my most noble lord, It is the appropriate time. Good sir, I hear for
190 I hear for certain, and do speak the truth: certain, and I tell you truthfully, that the
The gentle Archbishop of York is up Archbishop of York has raised a powerful army.
With well-appointed powers. He is a man He motivates his men with both his earthly and
Who with a double surety binds his followers. his spiritual powers. My lord, your son
My lord your son had only but the corpse, commanded only his soldiers' bodies. The word
195 But shadows and the shows of men, to fight; rebellion frightened them, separating their
For that same word rebellion did divide bodies from their hearts. It caused them to fight
The action of their bodies from their souls, timidly, hesitantly, as though they were taking
And they did fight with queasiness, constrained, medicine: their weapons seemed to be on our
As men drink potions, that their weapons only side, but their spirits and souls were frozen, like
200 Seemed on our side. But, for their spirits and souls, fish in an icy pond. But now, the Archbishop turns
This word rebellion, it had froze them up our rebellion into a religious cause. Everyone
As fish are in a pond. But now the Bishop believes hes a righteous and holy man, and they
Turns insurrection to religion. follow him not only in body but also in mind. He
Supposed sincere and holy in his thoughts, enhances his cause by preaching about the blood
205 Hes followed both with body and with mind, of good King Richard, which was spilled at
And doth enlarge his rising with the blood Pomfret Castle. The Archbishop claims that he
Of fair King Richard, scraped from Pomfret stones; derives his authority from heaven; tells the men
Derives from heaven his quarrel and his cause; that the whole country is bleeding, gasping for life
Tells them he doth bestride a bleeding land, under the terrible leadership of Bolingbroke. And
210 Gasping for life under great Bolingbroke; so men from every walk of life flock like sheep to
And more and less do flock to follow him. follow him.
I knew of this before, but, to speak truth, I knew all this, but to tell you the truth, this terrible
This present grief had wiped it from my mind. grief had pushed it out of my thoughts. Come
Go in with me and counsel every man inside; I want to hear everyones ideas on the
215 The aptest way for safety and revenge. best way to defend ourselves and enact our
Get posts and letters, and make friends with speed. revenge. Send out messengers and letters, and
Never so few, and never yet more need. make new allies quickly. Our numbers have never
been smaller, but theres never been more need

for what we have to do.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 1, Scene 2
Enter Sir John FALSTAFF, with his PAGE bearing his Sir John FALSTAFF enters with his PAGE, who
sword and buckler carries a sword and shield.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water? Sirrah, you giant, what did the doctor say about
my urine?
PAGE PAGE
He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, He said that the urine itself was good, healthy
but, urine, but that the man who owned it probably had
for the party that owed it, he might have more more diseases than he could tell.
diseases than
he knew for.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
5 Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain All kinds of people make it a matter of pride to
of this heckle me. No manthat foolishly assembled
foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent lump of claycould ever invent something quite
anything that tends to laughter more than I invent, or as funny as I seem to be to other people. Im not
is only witty on my own, but I bring out wit in other
10 invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the people. Look at the two of us, walking here: I look
cause like a sow thats smothered all of her baby pigs,
that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like except for you. If the Prince sent you to serve me
a sow that hath for any other reason than to irritate me, Im a fool.
overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the Prince put You weedy little son of a bitch: youre so tiny that
15 thee into my service for any other reason than to set you should be a decoration on my hat, not a
me off, servant at my feet. Ive never had a servant before
why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson who was as tiny as a ring stone. But I wont set
mandrake, you in a gold or silver ring; Ill wrap you in rags
thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my and send you back to your master, to be used as a
20 heels. jewelthat youth, the Prince your master, whose
I was never manned with an agate till now, but I will chin is still lacking a beard. Why, Ill grow a beard
inset in the palm of my hand before hell have one that
you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and he can shave off his face. And yet, this doesnt
send stop him from claiming that he has a face
you back again to your master for a jewel. The for royalty. Well, God will give him a beard
juvenal, the whenever he chooses totheres not a hair out of
Prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledgeI place yet. Its a good thing the Princes face is a
will royal, because a barber will never earn a coin
sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand from shaving it. And still, the
than he
shall get one off his cheek, and yet he will not stick to
say
his face is a face royal. God may finish it when He
will. 'Tis
not a hair amiss yet. He may keep it still at a face
royal, for
a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it, and yet
hell be
crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father
was
a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but hes
almost out of
25 mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dommelton Prince brags that hes been a full-grown man
about since before he was born. He can keep that title,
the satin for my short cloak and my slops? for all I care; I have no affection for him now, I can
assure him. What did Master Dommelton say
about the satin for my cape and baggy trousers?
PAGE PAGE
He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance He said that you have to give him a better
than guarantee of payment than just saying Bardolph
Bardolph. He would not take his band and yours. He was good for it. He wouldnt accept Bardolphs
liked promise or yours; he felt that neither should be
not the security. trusted.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
30 Let him be damned like the glutton! Pray God his Damn him to hell then, just like Dives in the Bible
tongue be the rich glutton who rejected the beggar
hotter! A whoreson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth Lazarus! And may Dommelton burn even hotter!
knave, to bear a gentleman in hand and then stand Hes a son-of-a-bitch traitor! A two-faced liar, who
upon smiles and says Yes sir, thatll be fine to my face,
35 security! The whoreson smoothy-pates do now wear and then demands a guarantee of payment!
nothing but high shoes and bunches of keys at their These bastard shopkeepers, with their fashionable
girdles; short haircuts, and fancy shoes, and their fat key
and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, chains on their beltsyou make an agreement to
then put something on credit, and then they throw a
40 they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would guarantee of payment at you. I would rather eat
put rat poison than guarantee my payment. I expected
ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. him to send me twenty-two yards of satin, and
I instead he sends me a guarantee of payment.
looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards Well, let him guarantee himself a good nights
of sleep. After all, his wifes in somebody elses bed,
satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me so why not? Shes practically shining a spotlight
security. Well, on her adultery, but hes so clueless he cant even

he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of tell. Wheres Bardolph?
abundance,
and the lightness of his wife shines through it, and yet
cannot
he see though he have his own lantern to light him.
Wheres
Bardolph?
PAGE PAGE
45 Hes gone into Smithfield to buy your Worship a He went to Smithfield to buy you a horse, sir.
horse.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I bought him in Pauls, and hell buy me a horse in I bought Bardolph at St. Pauls Cathedral, and hes
Smithfield. An I could get me but a wife in the stews, I buying me a horse in Smithfield. Now if he could
were just find me a wife in a whorehouse, Id be fully
manned, horsed, and wived. stocked with high-quality servants, horses, and
wives.
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT The Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and
his SERVANTenter.
PAGE PAGE
Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Sir, here comes the man who put the Prince in jail
50 Prince for striking for hitting him during that argument about
him about Bardolph. Bardolph.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Wait close. I will not see him. Hide; I dont want to talk to him.
CHIEF JUSTICE CHIEF JUSTICE
Whats he that goes there? Who is that man?
SERVANT SERVANT
Falstaff, an t please your Lordship. Falstaff, if it please you, sir.
He that was in question for the robbery? The man who was a suspect in that robbery?
SERVANT SERVANT
55 He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at Thats the one. But he did good work in the Battle
Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some of Shrewsbury, and I hear hes taking some
charge to the Lord John of Lancaster. soldiers to help Lord John of Lancaster.
What, to York? Call him back again. Where, to York? Tell him to come here.
SERVANT SERVANT
Sir John Falstaff! Sir John Falstaff!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Boy, tell him I am deaf. Boy, tell him Im deaf.
PAGE PAGE
60 You must speak louder. My master is deaf. You have to speak up; my master is deaf.
I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.Go Im sure he is, when anything goods being said.
pluck Go, tap him on the shoulder. I must speak with
him by the elbow. I must speak with him. him.
SERVANT SERVANT
Sir John! Sir John!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What, a young knave and begging? Is there not wars? What? A young troublemaker? A beggar? Isnt
65 Is there a war on? Isnt there work to do? Doesnt the
there not employment? Doth not the King lack King need subjects? Dont the rebels need
subjects? Do soldiers? Though its shameful to be on any side
not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to but the Kings, its even more shameful to be an
be on idle beggar than a soldier on
any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be
on the
worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion wrong sideeven if the rebellion were more
can tell despicable than the word rebellion already leads
how to make it. me to believe.
SERVANT SERVANT
70 You mistake me, sir. Youre mistaken, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Why sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting Why is that? Did I say you were an honest man?
my Because, setting aside the fact that Im knight and
knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my a soldier, Id be nothing but a liar if I said that.
throat
if I had said so.
SERVANT SERVANT
I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our Then please, sir, set aside your knighthood and
75 soldiership your soldiership and let me tell you that youre a
aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your deliberate liar, if you say Im anything other than
throat if an honest man.
you say I am any other than an honest man.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which Should I allow you to say that? Should I set aside
grows something thats mine by right? If I allow you
to me? If thou gettst any leave of me, hang me; if anything, hang me. If you allow yourself, hang
80 thou takst you. Youre running in the wrong direction: get out
leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter. of here! Go!
Hence!
Avaunt!
SERVANT SERVANT
Sir, my lord would speak with you. Sir, my master wants to speak with you.
Sir John Falstaff, a word with you. Sir John Falstaff, Id like a word with you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My good lord. God give your Lordship good time of My good sir! God grant you a good day! Its great
the day. to see you out and about: Id heard you were sick.
85 I am glad to see your Lordship abroad. I heard say I hope your doctor knows youre out. Though
your youre not entirely past your youth, your lordship,
Lordship was sick: I hope your Lordship goes abroad you have a touch of age in you, a touch of the
by passage of time, and I must humbly urge you to
advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your take good care of your health.
youth,
have yet some smack of an ague in you, some relish
of the
saltness of time in you, and I most humbly beseech
your
Lordship to have a reverent care of your health.
90 Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Sir John, I sent for you to come see me before you
Shrewsbury. left for Shrewsbury.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
An t please your Lordship, I hear his Majesty is If you dont mind my saying so, I hear the King is
returned back from Wales and it didnt go so well.
with some discomfort from Wales.

I talk not of his Majesty. You would not come when I Im not talking about the King. You didnt come
95 sent when I sent for you.
for you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
And I hear, moreover, his Highness is fallen into this And I also hear that the King has fallen into a
same terrible paralysis.
whoreson apoplexy.
Well, God mend him. I pray you let me speak with Well, God give him a speedy recovery. Please, let
you. me speak with you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
This apoplexy, as I take it, is a kind of lethargy, an t His paralysis is, as I understand it, a kind of
100 please lethargy, if it please you. Its a sleepiness in the
your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a blood, a nasty tingling.
whoreson
tingling.
What tell you me of it? Be it as it is. Why are you telling me this? Let it be.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
It hath its original from much grief, from study, and It comes from heavy sadness; from too much
perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his reading, and too much thinking. I read about it in
105 effects the reference books: its a kind of deafness.
in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.
I think you are fallen into the disease, for you hear I think you must have that disease as well,
not what because youre not hearing a word Im saying.
I say to you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Very well, my lord, very well. Rather, an t please you, Very likely, my lord, very likely. But actually, sir, I
it is have the not-listening disease; I have the not-
110 the disease of not listening, the malady of not paying-attention sickness.
marking, that
I am troubled withal.
To punish you by the heels would amend the The cure for that illness would be to put you in
attention of shackles, and I wouldnt mind being your doctor.
your ears, and I care not if I do become your
physician.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I am as poor as Job, my lord, but not so patient. Your I may be as poor as Job, but Im not as patient.
Lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to You may be able to throw me in jail because of
115 me in my poverty, but some people might have slight
respect of poverty, but how should I be your patient to reservations about that.
follow
your prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of
a
scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.

I sent for you, when there were matters against you I sent for you to come speak with me. There were
for your charges against you that might have earned you
life, to come speak with me. the death penalty.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
120 As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the I was advised that, since I was working for the
laws of army at the time, I shouldnt go.
this land-service, I did not come.
Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy. The truth is, Sir John, that you are massively
notorious.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
He that buckles him in my belt cannot live in less. Anybody who wears a belt this big couldnt be
anything less than massive.
Your means are very slender, and your waste is Your bank account is thin, and yet you put it to
great. huge waste.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
125 I would it were otherwise. I would my means were I wish it were the other way around: that my bank
greater account were huge and my waist were thin.
and my waist slender.
You have misled the youthful Prince. Youve misled the young Prince.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
The young Prince hath misled me. I am the fellow The young Prince has misled me. Im the man
with the with the big belly, and hes the dog who walks in
great belly, and he my dog. front of me.
130 Well, I am loath to gall a new-healed wound. Your Well, Id rather not open up a wound thats just
days healed. The good work you did at Shrewsbury
service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded over your has made up a little for the bad thing you did at
nights Gads Hill. You can thank the rebellion for helping
exploit on Gads Hill. You may thank th' unquiet time you get away with that terrible deed.
for
your quiet o'erposting that action.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord. Really?
135 But since all is well, keep it so. Wake not a sleeping But since things are calm now, lets keep them
wolf. that way. We wont wake a sleeping wolf.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox. To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox.
What, you are as a candle, the better part burnt out. What? Youre like a candle, half burned out.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
A wassail candle, my lord, all tallow. If I did say of Maybe, if I were a big, fat holiday candle made of
wax, my animal fat. But youd be better off saying that Im a
growth would approve the truth. wax candle: I keep waxing larger and larger.
140 There is not a white hair on your face but should Your gray beard should be a sign that youre a
have his man of gravity.
effect of gravity.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy. Im a man of gravy, gravy, gravy.

You follow the young Prince up and down like his ill You follow the young Prince everywhere, like a
angel. false angel on his shoulder.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Not so, my lord. Your ill angel is light, but I hope he Thats not so, my lord. False angels are light, and
145 that anyone can see without having to weigh me that
looks upon me will take me without weighing. And yet Im too heavy. But I dont know; in some ways,
in youre right. Im not for these times. Virtue counts
some respects I grant I cannot go. I cannot tell. Virtue for so little in this commercial world of ours. True
is of courage is worthless; its only used by animal
150 so little regard in these costermongers' times that trainers in the bear-baiting rings. Intelligence is
true valor good for nobody but bartenders, who waste their
is turned bear-herd; pregnancy is made a tapster, wits totaling up tavern bills. In these mean-spirited
and hath his days, mans best qualities arent worth a thing.
quick wit wasted in giving reckonings. All the other You older folks dont value us young people. You
gifts measure our fiery passion according to your
appurtenant to man, as the malice of this age shapes melancholic bitterness. And I have to tell you,
them, those of us who are highly advanced in our youth,
are not worth a gooseberry. You that are old consider were spirited as well as young.
not the
capacities of us that are young. You do measure the
heat of
our livers with the bitterness of your galls, and we
that are in
the vaward of our youth, I must confess, are wags
too.
155 Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth, Youd add your name to the list of the young?
that are You, who have age written all over you? Dont you
written down old with all the characters of age? Have have mucus in your eyes? Dry skin? Jaundice? A
you white beard? An
not a moist eye, a dry hand, a yellow cheek, a white
beard,
a decreasing leg, an increasing belly? Is not your arthritic leg? A growing belly? Isnt your voice
voice scratchy? Your breath short? Your chin doubled?
160 broken, your wind short, your chin double, your wit Your last wit abandoned? Isnt every part of you
single, devastated by age? And still you call yourself
and every part about you blasted with antiquity? And young? Shame on you, Sir John.
will
you yet call yourself young? Fie, fie, fie, Sir John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord, I was born about three of the clock in the Sir, I was born around three o'clock in the
afternoon, afternoon, with a white head and a bit of a round
with a white head and something a round belly. For belly. As for my scratchy voice, I lost it through
165 my shouting and singing loud songs. But I wont try to
voice, I have lost it with halloing and singing of prove how young I am any longer. I have only one
anthems. To trait of old age, and that is wisdom. If somebody
approve my youth further, I will not. The truth is, I am wants to challenge me to a dance contest for a
only thousand-mark wager, let him hand me the
170 old in judgment and understanding. And he that will money and off we go. Now, as for the fact that the
caper Prince hit you on the head, he did it like a rude
with me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the prince and you took it like a sensible gentleman. I
money, reprimanded him for it, and he repents. Hes not
and have at him! For the box of the ear that the wearing the traditional sackcloth and ashes, for
Prince gave sure, but hes repenting in silk cloth and wine.
you, he gave it like a rude prince, and you took it like
a
sensible lord. I have checked him for it, and the
young lion
repents. Marry, not in ashes and sackcloth, but in
new silk and old sack.
Well, God send the Prince a better companion. May God send the Prince a better friend!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
God send the companion a better prince. I cannot rid May God send the friend a better prince! I cant
my get him off my hands!
hands of him.
175 Well, the King hath severed you and Prince Harry. I Well, the King has separated you and Prince
hear you Harry. I hear youre going with John of Lancaster
are going with Lord John of Lancaster against the to go fight Northumberland and the Archbishop.
Archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Yea, I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look you Yes, and thanks for reminding me. I hope that all
pray, of you who stay home, safe and sound, will say a
180 all you that kiss my Lady Peace at home, that our prayer that we soldiers dont end up in some hot
armies join battle. For, by the Lord, Ive only packed two
not in a hot day, for, by the Lord, I take but two shirts shirts, and I dont want to sweat too much. If
out with things get hot and I pull out any other weapon
me, and I mean not to sweat extraordinarily. If it be a besides a bottle, Ill never drink wine again. I get
hot day sent out on every dangerous assignment
and I brandish anything but a bottle, I would I might
never
spit white again. There is not a dangerous action can
peep
out his head but I am thrust upon it. Well, I cannot
last ever.
185 But it was always yet the trick of our English nation, if that comes up. Well, I cant live forever. Thats the
they thing about the English: when they have
have a good thing, to make it too common. If ye will something good, they use it continually. If youre
needs going to insist that Im an old man, then let me
say I am an old man, you should give me rest. I rest. I wish to God the enemy werent as scared
190 would to God of me as they are: Id rather sit and rust than be
my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is. I worn out by all this work.
were
better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be
scoured to
nothing with perpetual motion.
Well, be honest, be honest; and God bless your Well, stay honest, stay honest. God bless your
expedition! undertaking.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Will your Lordship lend me a thousand pound to Could your lordship lend me a thousand pounds
furnish me for some equipment I need?
forth?
Not a penny, not a penny. You are too impatient to Not a penny, not a penny: youre too impatient to
195 bear endure adversity. Farewell; give my regards to my
crosses. Fare you well. Commend me to my cousin kinsman Westmoreland.
Westmoreland.
Exeunt CHIEF JUSTICE and SERVANT The CHIEF JUSTICE and his SERVANT exit.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle. A man can If I do, hit me with a sledgehammer. Old age and
no more greed go together like youth and lust. Gout afflicts
separate age and covetousness than he can part one and syphilis plagues the other, so theres no
200 young limbs point in me cursing either the old or the young:
and lechery; but the gout galls the one, and the pox theyre both cursed already. Boy!
pinches
the other, and so both the degrees prevent my
curses.Boy!
PAGE PAGE
Sir. Sir?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What money is in my purse? How much moneys in my wallet?
PAGE PAGE
Seven groats and two pence. About seven groats and two pence.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I can get no remedy against this consumption of the There no way to cure the illness thats making my
205 purse. wallet waste away; borrowing makes it live a little

Borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the longer, but the disease is incurable. Bring this
disease is letter to Lord John of Lancaster, this one to the
incurable. Go bear this letter to my Lord of Lancaster, Prince, this one to Westmoreland, and this one to
this Madame Ursula. Ive promised to marry her every
210 to the Prince, this to the Earl of Westmoreland; and single week since I got my first gray hair. Get
this to going: you know where Ill be.
old Mistress Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to
marry
since I perceived the first white hair on my chin.
About it.
You know where to find me.
Exit PAGE The PAGE exits.

A pox of this gout! Or, a gout of this pox, for the one Damn this gout! Or damn this syphilis! One of
or the them is really messing up my big toe. Oh well, it
other plays the rogue with my great toe. 'Tis no doesnt matter if I limp. I can blame it on the war,
matter if I and that will help justify my disability payments. A
215 do halt. I have the wars for my color, and my pension sharp brain can turn any problem to its
shall advantage. Ill turn my diseases into cash.
seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use
of
anything. I will turn diseases to commodity.
Exit He exits.
Act 1, Scene 3
Enter the ARCHBISHOP of York, The ARCHBISHOP of York,

ThomasMOWBRAY the Earl Marshal, ThomasMOWBRAY the Earl Marshal,
Lord HASTINGS, andLORD BARDOLPH Lord HASTINGSand LORD BARDOLPH enter.
ARCHBISHOP ARCHBISHOP
Thus have you heard our cause and known our So thats what were fighting for, and thats the
means, kind of support we have. Now please, my noble
And, my most noble friends, I pray you all friends, tell me frankly if you think we have a
Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes. chance. First you, Marshal Mowbray. What do you
And first, Lord Marshal, what say you to it? say?
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
5 I well allow the occasion of our arms, I absolutely agree with our reasons for fighting.
But gladly would be better satisfied But given our resources, Id feel better if I knew
How in our means we should advance ourselves how were going to grow bold and strong enough
To look with forehead bold and big enough to defeat this mighty and powerful King.
Upon the power and puissance of the King.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
10 Our present musters grow upon the file Our army has grown to twenty-five thousand good
To five-and-twenty thousand men of choice, men. Our reinforcements are coming with
And our supplies live largely in the hope Northumberland, and his heart burns with anger
Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns over all hes lost.
With an incensd fire of injuries.
15 The question then, Lord Hastings, standeth thus: Then, Lord Hastings, this is the question: can our
Whether our present five-and-twenty thousand twenty-five thousand get the job done without
May hold up head without Northumberland. Northumberland?
HASTINGS HASTINGS
With him we may. With him, we can.
Yea, marry, theres the point. Yes, exactly, and thats the point. If were too weak
But if without him we be thought too feeble, without him, then I dont think we should advance
20 My judgment is we should not step too far until we know that his help is guaranteed. In a fight
Till we had his assistance by the hand. as bloody as this one, we need to be certain about
For in a theme so bloody-faced as this, the status of our supporters: we cant rely on
Conjecture, expectation, and surmise conjecture, hope, and guesswork when aid isnt
Of aids incertain should not be admitted. guaranteed.
25 'Tis very true, Lord Bardolph; for indeed Thats right, Lord Bardolph. Thats what happened
It was young Hotspurs cause at Shrewsbury. to young Hotspur at Shrewsbury.
It was, my lord; who lined himself with hope, Thats true, my lord. Hotspur fortified himself with
Eating the air on promise of supply, nothing but hope, and mistook empty words as a
Flatt'ring himself in project of a power true promise of reinforcements. He imagined that
30 Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts, a huge army was coming to his aid, but what
And so, with great imagination actually arrived turned out to be even smaller than
Proper to madmen, led his powers to death the smallest of his fantasies. And so, with
And, winking, leapt into destruction. daydreams that could only belong to a madman,
he closed his eyes and leaped into destruction.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt But, begging your pardon, theres no harm in
35 To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope. making guesses and hopeful strategies.
Yes, if this present quality of war Yes, there is. Presently, our armies are already in
Indeed the instant action, a cause on foot motion, but putting our hope in them is as
Lives so in hope, as in an early spring ridiculous as expecting that early spring buds will
We see the appearing buds, which to prove fruit produce fruit: at that time of year, buds are more
40 Hope gives not so much warrant as despair likely to be killed by frost than to bloom. When we
That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build, want to put up a building, first we survey the land,
We first survey the plot, then draw the model, and then we draw up a set of plans. Then we
And when we see the figure of the house, calculate the cost, and if we cant afford it, we
Then must we rate the cost of the erection, revise the plans with fewer rooms, or we decide
45 Which if we find outweighs ability, not to build at all. In the great task were
What do we then but draw anew the model attemptingthe taking down of one kingdom, and
In fewer offices, or at last desist the building of anotherwe have even more
To build at all? Much more in this great work, reason to evaluate the land and the plans. We
Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down must be certain that the foundation is sound, that
50 And set another up, should we survey the engineer is skilled. We must know precisely
The plot of situation and the model, what we can afford, how ready and able we are,
Consent upon a sure foundation, and we must consider the opposing arguments.
Question surveyors, know our own estate,
How able such a work to undergo,
55 To weigh against his opposite. Or else
We fortify in paper and in figures, Otherwise, it becomes a meaningless exercise:

Using the names of men instead of men, papers and numbers, and names of men rather
Like one that draws the model of a house than real, live men. Thats like drawing up plans
Beyond his power to build it, who, half through, for a house you cant possibly afford, building half
60 Gives o'er and leaves his part-created cost of it, and then abandoning the partly-built structure
A naked subject to the weeping clouds to be ruined by the elements.
And waste for churlish winters tyranny.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth, Lets suppose that everything were hoping for fails
Should be stillborn and that we now possessed to materialize, and the army we have now is as big
65 The utmost man of expectation, as its going to get. I still think that, even in this
I think we are a body strong enough, condition, were a match for the King.
Even as we are, to equal with the King.
What, is the King but five-and twenty-thousand? Why? Does the King only have twenty-five
thousand men?
HASTINGS HASTINGS
To us no more, nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph, The King isnt facing us with any more than that
70 For his divisions, as the times do brawl, in fact, he doesnt even have that many, Lord
Are in three heads: one power against the French, Bardolph. This is a time of war, and the Kings had
And one against Glendower; perforce a third to divide his army into three sections. One division
Must take up us. So is the unfirm King is fighting the French; ones fighting Glendower.
In three divided, and his coffers sound That leaves a third of his army to fight against us.
75 With hollow poverty and emptiness. The King is weak and divided into three, and the
coffers of his treasury echo with the sounds of
hollow poverty and emptiness.
That he should draw his several strengths together Theres no reason to fear that he will pull all three
And come against us in full puissance divisions together and confront us with his full
Need not be dreaded. strength.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
If he should do so, If he did that, hed be vulnerable at the rear, and
He leaves his back unarmed, the French and Welsh the French and the Welsh would be at his heels.
80 Baying him at the heels. Never fear that. He would never let that happen.
Who is it like should lead his forces hither? Whos going to lead his troops against us?
HASTINGS HASTINGS
The Duke of Lancaster and Westmoreland; The Duke of Lancaster and Westmoreland. The
Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth; King and Harry Monmouth will fight against the
But who is substituted against the French Welsh. I dont know for sure who is in charge of
85 I have no certain notice. the fight against the French.
Let us on, Lets continue. Well publicly proclaim the reasons
And publish the occasion of our arms. were fighting. The people are sick of the
The commonwealth is sick of their own choice. leadership they themselves supported. They were
Their over-greedy love hath surfeited. greedy for it, but now they have overfed. When
An habitation giddy and unsure you build your foundation on the publics love, you
90 Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart. build on shaky and unsure ground. Oh, you
O thou fond many, with what loud applause foolish masses! You shouted your love for
Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bolingbroke Bolingbroke to the skies, before you knew what
Before he was what thou wouldst have him be. hed turn into. Now that youre dressed in the
And being now trimmed in thine own desires, things you desired, you monstrous devourer,
95 Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him youre so full of Bolingbroke that youre ready to
That thou provokst thyself to cast him up. vomit him up. This, you vulgar dog, is just how
So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge you emptied your gluttonous stomach of King
Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard, Richard; and now you want to eat up your dead
And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up vomit, and you howl trying to find it. What can you
100 And howlst to find it. What trust is in these times? count on in this world? The very people who
They that, when Richard lived, would have him die wanted Richard dead when he was alive are now
Are now become enamored on his grave. in love with his corpse. The very people who
Thou, that threwst dust upon his goodly head threw garbage on his noble head when he
When through proud London he came sighing on marched through London in shame behind the
105 After th' admired heels of Bolingbroke, admired Bolingbroke are now saying, Oh Earth,
Criest now O earth, yield us that King again, return that King, and take this one! Curses on
And take thou this! O thoughts of men accursed! mens thoughts! Only the past and the future
Past and to come seems best; things present, worst. appeal to them; whatever they have right now
they despise.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Shall we go draw our numbers and set on? Should we gather our troops and press forward?
HASTINGS HASTINGS
110 We are times subjects, and time bids begone. Time is our commander, and time proposes we
be on our way.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 2, Scene 1
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, with two MISTRESS QUICKLY enters with Sherif FANG.
officers; FANGwith her and SNARE following Deputy SNARE follows.
MISTRESS QUICKLY MISTRESS QUICKLY
Master Fang, have you entered the action? Master Fang, have you filed the lawsuit?
FANG FANG
It is entered. Its filed.
Wheres your yeoman? Is t a lusty yeoman? Will a' Wheres your deputy? Is he a strong deputy? Will
stand to t? he rise to the occasion?
FANG FANG
5 Sirrah! Wheres Snare? Sirrah, wheres Snare?
O Lord, ay, good Master Snare. Oh my goodness! Master Snare!
SNARE SNARE
Here, here. Here, here.
FANG FANG
Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff. Snare, weve got to arrest Sir John Falstaff.
Yea, good Master Snare, I have entered him and all. Yes, good Master Snare. Ive filed the suit against
him and everything.
SNARE SNARE
10 It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will It could cost some of us our lives: hell stab.
stab.
Alas the day, take heed of him. He stabbed me in Oh my goodness! Watch out for him: he stabbed
mine own me in my own house, and it was nasty. I swear, he
house, and that most beastly, in good faith. He cares doesnt care what trouble he causes. Once hes
not what got his weapon out, hell thrust it like the devil. He
mischief he does. If his weapon be out, he will foin wont spare man, woman, or child.
like any
devil. He will spare neither man, woman, nor child.
FANG FANG
15 If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust. If I can get close to him, I wont worry about his
thrusting.


No, nor I neither. Ill be at your elbow. Me neither. Ill be right next to you.
FANG FANG
An I but fist him once, an he come but within my view If I can grab him once, if he just comes within my
grasp
I am undone by his going. I warrant you, hes an Im bankrupt from his never paying. Hes run up an
infinitive infinitive bill with me. Catch him, Master Fang!
20 thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him Dont let him get away, Master Snare! Hes always
sure. going to Pie Cornersorry to mention itto buy a
Good Master Snare, let him not scape. He comes saddle. And every day he gets inditedto lunch with
continuantly to Pie Corner, saving your manhoods, to Master Smooth the silk seller, at the Leopards
buy a Head on Lumbert Street. Please bring him to
25 saddle, and he is indited to dinner to the Lubbers justice. Ive been enteredI mean, my lawsuits
Head in been entered at court, and the whole world knows
Lumbert Street, to Master Smooths the silkman. I how easy I amI mean how easy it was for him to
pray you, rip me off. A hundred marks is a lot for a poor,
since my exion is entered, and my case so openly solitary woman to take. And Ive taken it, and
30 known to taken it, and taken it. And Ive been fobbed off and
the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A fobbed off and fobbed off, day in and day out. Its
hundred horrible to even think about. Thats a terrible way
mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear, and to treat people, unless you think that every woman
I have should be made an ass and an animal, and that
borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed she should be opened to every jerks molestation.
off, and Here he comes, with that notorious wine-faced
fubbed off, and fubbed off from this day to that day, crook, Bardolph. Do me a favor and do me your
that it jobs, Master Fang and Master Snare. Do me! Do
is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in me! Do me a favor and do me your jobs!
such
dealing, unless a woman should be made an ass and
a beast
to bear every knaves wrong. Yonder he comes, and
that
errant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do
your
offices, do your offices, Master Fang and Master
Snare, do
me, do me, do me your offices.
Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, and PAGE FALSTAFF, his PAGE, and BARDOLPH enter.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
35 How now! Whose mares dead? Whats the matter? Whats going on? Whose horse died? Whats the
matter?
FANG FANG
Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly. Sir John, youre under arrest for charges brought
by Mistress Quickly.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Away, varlets!Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the Get out of here, you crooks! Draw your sword,
villains Bardolph. Cut off this rascals head, and throw this
head. Throw the quean in the channel. whore in the gutter.
Throw me in the channel? Ill throw thee in the Throw me in the gutter? Ill throw you in the gutter.
40 channel. Wilt You will? You will? You bastardly cheat! Murder!
thou, wilt thou, thou bastardly rogue?Murder, Murder! Oh, you honeysuckle criminal! Youre
murder! going to kill Gods sheriffs, and the Kings? Oh,
Ah, thou honeysuckle villain, wilt thou kill Gods you honey-seed creep! Youre a honey-seed, a
officers man-killer, and a woman-killer.
and the Kings? Ah, thou honeyseed rogue, thou art a
honeyseed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Keep them off, Bardolph. Keep them off me, Bardolph.
FANG FANG
45 A rescue, a rescue! An escape! An escape!
Good people, bring a rescue or two. Somebody, bring an escape or
(toFALSTAFF) Thou two! (toFALSTAFF) You will, will you? You will, will
wot, wot thou? Thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue. you? Go ahead, go ahead, you scoundrel! You
Do, hemp-seed!
thou hempseed.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Away, you scullion, you rampallion, you fustilarian! Ill Get off, you serving wench! You ruffian! You fat old
50 tickle your catastrophe. hag! Ill beat you on the backside!
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and his men The Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and his men enter.
What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho! Whats the matter? Lets have some order here!
Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you stand to Good sir, be good to me. I beg you, stand up for
me. me.
How now, Sir John? What, are you brawling here? Well if it isnt Sir John! Are you making trouble
Doth this become your place, your time, and here? Is this appropriate for a man of your
55 business? position, your age, and your responsibilities? You
You should have been well on your way to York. should be well on your way to York by now.
(to FANG) Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hangst (to FANG) Get off him, man. Why are you holding
thou him?
upon him?

O my most worshipful lord, an t please your Grace, I Oh, most excellent lord, begging your pardon: Im
am a a poor Eastcheap widow, and hes arrested on
poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my charges I brought against him.
suit.
For what sum? What sum does he owe you?
60 It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all I have. He Its more than some, sir: its all, all that I have. Hes
hath eaten me out of house and home. Hes put
eaten me out of house and home. He hath put all my everything I own into that fat belly of
substance his. (toFALSTAFF) But Ill get some of it back
into that fat belly of his. (to FALSTAFF) But I will have again, or Ill ride you all night like a bad dream.
some of
it out again, or I will ride thee o' nights like the mare.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have any I think I might just ride you, if I get the chance to
65 vantage of mount you.
ground to get up.
How comes this, Sir John? Fie, what man of good What is this, Sir John? Damn! How could any
temper decent man put up with this storm of screaming
would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you and cursing? Arent you ashamed to force a poor
not widow to take these extreme measures simply to
ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a get whats hers?
course to
come by her own?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
70 (to MISTRESS QUICKLY) What is the gross sum that (to MISTRESS QUICKLY) Whats the total I owe
I owe thee? you?
Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the My goodness! If you were an honest man, youd
money give yourself to me, as well as the money. You
too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, swore to meover a gold-plated wine goblet, in
sitting the Dolphin Room in my tavern, at the round table,
75 in my Dolphin chamber at the round table by a sea- next to the fire, on the Wednesday seven weeks
coal fire, after Easter, when the Prince swung at your head
upon Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince for claiming his father was a fakeyou swore,
broke while I was cleaning your wounds, to marry me
thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of and make me a proper lady and your wife. Can
80 Windsor, you deny it? Didnt Mrs. Baconfat, the butchers
thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wife, come into the room then and ask to borrow
wound, to some vinegar, saying that she had some good

marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou prawnsand you wanted to eat some, and I told
deny you that it was a bad idea, to eat shrimp when you
it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butchers wife, come had a fresh woundand
in then
and call me Gossip Quickly, coming in to borrow a
mess of
vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns,
whereby
thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told thee they
were
ill for a green wound? And didst thou not, when she
was
gone downstairs, desire me to be no more so
familiarity with
such poor people, saying that ere long they should when she left, didnt you tell me to stop being
85 call me friends with low types like her, because before
madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me fetch long wed be married and Id be a proper lady?
thee And didnt you kiss me and tell me to lend you
thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny thirty shillings? Put your hand on the bible and
it if deny it, if you dare.
thou canst.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and Sir, this is a poor, insane soul. Shes been saying
down all over town that her oldest son looks just like
90 the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath you. She was once rich, but poverty has driven
been in good her crazy. Now, as for these two foolish officers, I
case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her. would like to press charges against them.
But, for
these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have
redress
against them.
Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your Sir John, Sir John. I know too well how you are
manner accustomed to turning the truth into a big lie. But
95 of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a neither your confident demeanor nor the storm of
confident brow, nor the throng of words that come words that accompanies your insolent disrespect
with such will sway me from making a just consideration. As
more than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust far as I can see, youve taken advantage of this
me from trusting woman, and youve made her give you
a level consideration. You have, as it appears to me, cash and other favors.
practiced upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman,

and
made her serve your uses both in purse and in
person.
100 Yea, in truth, my lord. Yes, truthfully, sir.
Pray thee, peace. (to FALSTAFF) Pay her the debt Quiet, please. (to FALSTAFF) Pay her what you
you owe owe her, and undo the wrongdoings youve done
her, and unpay the villany you have done her. The to her. You can do the first with money, and the
one you second with a sincere apology.
may do with sterling money, and the other with
current
repentance.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
105 My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. Sir, I will not put up with this snub without a reply.
You call You call my brave, honorable dealings insolent
honorable boldness impudent sauciness. If a man disrespect. Does a man have to stand here, silent
will and bowing, to be a virtuous man? No, sir. With
make curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my all due respect, I wont bow down to you. I say
110 lord, my that I want to be set free by these officers, seeing
humble duty remembered, I will not be your suitor. I as I have urgent work to do for the King.
say to
you, I do desire deliverance from these officers,
being upon
hasty employment in the Kings affairs.

You speak as having power to do wrong; but answer You talk as though you have permission to break
in th' the law. But act appropriately to your status:
effect of your reputation, and satisfy this poor satisfy this poor woman.
woman.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Come hither, hostess. Come here, hostess.
FALSTAFF takes MISTRESS QUICKLY aside FALSTAFF takes MISTRESS QUICKLY aside.
Enter GOWER GOWER enters.
Now, Master Gower, what news? Master Gower, whats going on?
GOWER GOWER
115 The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales My lord, the King and Harry Prince of Wales are
Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells. nearby. This letter will tell you the rest.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
As I am a gentleman! On my honor.

Faith, you said so before. Honestly, thats what you said before.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
As I am a gentleman. Come. No more words of it. On my honor. Come, lets not talk about it
anymore.
120 By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to By heaven above and below, Ill have to pawn my
pawn good china and the tapestries in my dining rooms.
both my plate and the tapestry of my dining
chambers.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking. And for thy Its not such a big deal. Glass is the only good
walls, a thing to drink out of anyway. And as for the walls,
pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal or something pretty and comicalor a depiction of
125 the the prodigal son; or maybe one of those German
German hunting in waterwork is worth a thousand of hunting scenes, painted on the wall to look like a
these tapestrywhy, those are worth a thousand of
bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be those bed curtains and moth-eaten tapestries.
ten Let me borrow just ten pounds, all right? Come on
130 pound, if thou canst. Come, an twere not for thy other than your moodiness, youre the best
humors, wench in England. Go wash your face and
theres not a better wench in England. Go wash thy withdraw the lawsuit. Come ondont be this way
face, and with me. Dont you know me? Come, come, I
draw the action. Come, thou must not be in this know somebody put you up to this.
humor with
me. Dost not know me? Come, come, I know thou
wast set
on to this.

Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I' Please, Sir John, lets call it twenty nobles. I dont
faith, I am want to have to pawn my china, in Gods name!
loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Let it alone. Ill make other shift. Youll be a fool still. All right, forget it. Ill figure something else out.
Youll always be a fool.
Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I All right, Ill lend it to you, even if I have to pawn
135 hope my clothes. I hope youll have dinner here tonight.
youll come to supper. Youll pay me all together? Youll pay me the full amount then?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Will I live? (to BARDOLPH) Go with her, with her. Will I live? (to BARDOLPH) Go, stick with her,
Hook on, stick with her. Dont let her out of your sight.
hook on.
Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper? Do you want Doll Tearsheet to meet you at
dinner?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No more words. Lets have her. No more talking. Lets have her.
Exeunt MISTRESS MISTRESS QUICKLY, BARDOLPH,
QUICKLY, FANG, SNARE,BARDOLPH, and the PAGE,FANG, and SNARE exit.
the PAGE
140 I have heard better news. Ive heard better news.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Whats the news, my good lord? Whats the news, my lord?
Where lay the King last night? Where did the King spend last night?
GOWER GOWER
At Basingstoke, my lord. At Basingstoke, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I hope, my lord, alls well. What is the news, my lord? I hope everythings okay, sir. Whats the news?
145 Come all his forces back? And his armies have come back?
GOWER GOWER
No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse No. Fifteen hundred infantrymen and five hundred
Are marched up to my Lord of Lancaster horsemen are marching to meet Lord Lancaster,
Against Northumberland and the Archbishop. to fight against Northumberland and the
Archbishop.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord? Is the King back from Wales, my noble lord?
150 You shall have letters of me presently. Ill give you some letters shortly. Come with me,
Come. Go along with me, good Master Gower. Master Gower.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord! Sir!
Whats the matter? Whats the matter?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner? Master Gower, would you like to join me for
lunch?
GOWER GOWER
155 I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you, I have to attend to this noble man right here. But
good Sir thank you, Sir John.
John.

Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to Sir John, youve been loitering here too long. You
take have to recruit soldiers in the counties you pass
soldiers up in counties as you go. through on your way north.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Will you sup with me, Master Gower? Will you join me for supper, then, Master Gower?
160 What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir What foolish teacher taught you these manners,
John? Sir John?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool Master Gower, if my manners are inappropriate, I
that must have indeed been taught by a fool. Thats
taught them me.This is the right fencing grace, my how the game is playedtit for tat, and game
lord: over.
tap for tap, and so part fair.
Now the Lord lighten thee. Thou art a great fool. God help you! You are a great fool.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 2, Scene 2
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS PRINCE HENRY and POINS enter.
PRINCE HENRY PRINCE HENRY
Before God, I am exceeding weary. I swear to God, Im exceedingly tired.
POINS POINS
Is t come to that? I had thought weariness durst not Really? I would have thought that weariness
have wouldnt dare afflict someone as highly born as
attached one of so high blood. you.
Faith, it does me; though it discolors the complexion Well, it afflicts me, although saying so dims my
5 of my nobility somewhat. Does it make me seem coarse
greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in and common to say that Id love a small beer?
me
to desire small beer?
POINS POINS
Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to A prince shouldnt be vulgarly inclined toward
remember so weak a composition. things like small beer.
Belike then my appetite was not princely got, for, by Then I suppose dont have a princes appetite,
10 my because right now all I can think about is small
troth, I do now remember the poor creature small beer. But its true: all these everyday
beer. But considerations distance me from my own nobility.
indeed these humble considerations make me out of Its disgraceful that I should be familiar with a man
love like you! To know your name, your face, and your
15 with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to wardrobe so intimately that I know that you have
remember two pairs of stockings: the ones youre wearing

thy name, or to know thy face tomorrow, or to take now, and those peach-colored ones. I even know
note how how many shirts you have: one to wear, and one
many pair of silk stockings thou hastwith these, and extra. But then, the keeper of the tennis courts
20 those knows your wardrobe better than I do, for when
that were thy peach-colored onesor to bear the youve run out of clean shirts, you dont show up
inventory to play. And you havent played in a while,
of thy shirts, as, one for superfluity and another for because the whore houses have eaten all the rest
use. But of your money, which youd otherwise use to buy
that the tennis-court keeper knows better than I, for it more shirts. God only knows whether all the crying
is a brats youve fathered will make it to heaven. But
low ebb of linen with thee when thou keepest not then, the midwives say that babies dont bear the
racket sins of the parents. Thats how the population
there, as thou hast not done a great while, because increases, and families are strengthened.
the rest of
the low countries have made a shift to eat up thy
holland; and
God knows whether those that bawl out the ruins of
thy linen
shall inherit His kingdom; but the midwives say the
children
are not in the fault, whereupon the world increases
and
kindreds are mightily strengthened.
POINS POINS
25 How ill it follows, after you have labored so hard, you It seems wrong, after all your hard work in battle,
should that you should be spending your time now in idle
talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes chatter. How many other princes would behave
would like this if their fathers were as sick as yours?
do so, their fathers being so sick as yours at this time
is?
Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins? Can I tell you something, Poins?
POINS POINS
Yes, faith, and let it be an excellent good thing. Sure; and make sure its an excellent thing.
30 It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than Itll be fine, for people who arent any smarter than
thine. you are.
POINS POINS
Go to. I stand the push of your one thing that you will Go ahead. Im can take whatever you have to say.
tell.

Marry, I tell thee it is not meet that I should be sad, Here it is, then. Its not seemly for me to be sad
now my over my fathers illness. But I could tell youas a
father is sickalbeit I could tell thee, as to one it person who, for lack of anyone else, Im pleased
35 pleases me, to call my friendthat I could be sad. I could be
for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be sad, very sad, indeed.
and sad
indeed too.
POINS POINS
Very hardly, upon such a subject. It would be difficult to feel that way over a thing like
this.
By this hand, thou thinkest me as far in the devils I swear, you must think that Im as sinful as you
book as and Falstaff are, and as stubborn and persistent.
thou and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency. Let Well see about that. But Im telling you: my heart
40 the end is bleeding for my father, and for his illness. But
try the man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly because Im hanging out with lowlifes like you, I
that my cant show how sorrowful I am.
father is so sick: and keeping such vile company as
thou art
hath in reason taken from me all ostentation of
sorrow.
POINS POINS
The reason? Why?
What wouldst thou think of me if I should weep? What would you think of me if I started crying?
POINS POINS
I would think thee a most princely hypocrite. I would think youre a royal hypocrite.

45 It would be every mans thought, and thou art a Thats what everyone would be thinking. And
blessed whats great about you is that you think just the
fellow to think as every man thinks. Never a mans way everyone else does: nobody sticks to popular
thought opinion quite as well as you. Everyone would think
in the world keeps the roadway better than thine. I was a hypocrite, indeed. And, your honor, what
Every man makes you think that?
would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what accites
your
most worshipful thought to think so?
POINS POINS
50 Why, because you have been so lewd and so much Because youve behaved so badly, and because
engraffed youre so attached to Falstaff.
to Falstaff.

And to thee. And to you.
POINS POINS
By this light, I am well spoke on. I can hear it with my Honestly, people think highly of me; I hear their
own praises with my own ears. The worst thing they
55 ears. The worst that they can say of me is that I am a can say about me is that, as a younger brother,
second Ive had no inheritance from my family, and that
brother, and that I am a proper fellow of my hands; Im a good fighter. And I cant help either of those
and those things. By God, here comes Bardolph.
two things, I confess, I cannot help. By the Mass, here
comes
Bardolph.
Enter BARDOLPH and the PAGE BARDOLPH and the PAGE enter.
And the boy that I gave Falstaff. He had him from me And the boy who I sent to work for Falstaff. He
Christian, and look if the fat villain have not was a normal boy when I sent him, and now
60 transformed look: the fat bastards turned him into an ape.
him ape.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
God save your Grace. God save your grace!
And yours, most noble Bardolph. And yours, most noble Bardolph!
POINS POINS
(to BARDOLPH) Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful (to BARDOLPH) Come on, you principled ass, you
fool, timid fool! Why are you blushing? What a womanly
65 must you be blushing? Wherefore blush you now? solider you are! Is it that big a deal to deflower a
What a two-quart tankard of ale?
maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is t such a
matter
to get a pottle-pots maidenhead?
PAGE PAGE
He calls me e'en now, my lord, through a red lattice, Just now he called to me from behind a red
and I window shade, and I couldnt tell his face from the
could discern no part of his face from the window. At curtain! Finally I saw his eyes, and I thought hed
70 last I made two holes in a whores skirt and peeped
spied his eyes, and methought he had made two through them!
holes in the
ale-wifes new petticoat and so peeped through.
Has not the boy profited? This kids learned a lot from Falstaff, hasnt he?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away! Get out of here, you little rabbit! Get out!
PAGE PAGE
Away, you rascally Altheas dream, away! You get out, you rotten Altheas dream!
Instruct us, boy. What dream, boy? What dream, boy? Tell us.
PAGE PAGE
75 Marry, my lord, Althea dreamt she was delivered of a Sir, Althea dreamed she gave birth to a red-hot
firebrand, and therefore I call him her dream. iron. Thats why I call him her dream; hes all red
in the face.
A crowns worth of good interpretation. There tis, boy. That jokes worth a crown! Here you go, boy.
POINS POINS
O, that this good blossom could be kept from cankers! I wish this wholesome little flower could be kept
Well, away from disease. Well, heres a sixpence for
there is sixpence to preserve thee. you.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
80 An you do not make him hanged among you, the If between the three of you this boy doesnt end up
gallows hanged, the gallows will be cheated.
shall have wrong.
And how doth thy master, Bardolph? Hows your master Falstaff doing, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Well, my good lord. He heard of your Graces coming Fine, sir. He heard you were coming to town.
to Heres a letter for you.
town. Theres a letter for you.
POINS POINS
85 Delivered with good respect. And how doth the Delivered very respectfully. How is that fattened
Martlemas calf, your boss?
your master?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
In bodily health, sir. His bodys healthy, sir.
POINS POINS
Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but that Thats right, its just his immortal soul that needs a
moves doctor. But he doesnt care. His soul may be sick,
not him. Though that be sick, it dies not. but it wont die.
90 (reads to himself) I do allow this wen to be as familiar (reads to himself) I allow this wart to be as
with familiar with me as my dog, and he holds onto his
me as my dog, and he holds his place, for look you privileged position. Listen to how he writes.(he
how be hands the letter to POINS)
writes. (he hands the letter to POINS)
POINS POINS
(reads) John Falstaf, knight. Every man must know (reads) John Falstaff, knighthe always throws
that as that title around, every chance he gets. Its like

95 oft as he has occasion to name himself, even like people who are related to the King: every time
those that they get a tiny cut, they say, Some of the Kings
are kin to the King, for they never prick their finger blood has been spilled. Then someone pretends
but they not to get it, and asks, How do you mean? The
say, Theres some of the Kings blood spilt. How answer comes faster than a beggar can whip out
comes his cap: Im the Kings poor relative.
that? says he that takes upon him not to conceive.
The
answer is as ready as a borrowers cap: I am the
Kings
poor cousin, sir.
100 Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Right. They all say theyre related to us, even if
Japheth. But to the letter. (takes the letter and they have to trace the family tree all the way back
reads) Sir John alstaf, knight, to the son of the King to Japhet, the common ancestor of all Europeans.
nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting. But back to the letter. (takes the letter and
reads) Sir John Falstaffknight to the son of the
King, nearest to his father, Harry Prince of Wales
sends his greetings.
POINS POINS
Why, this is a certificate. Listen to that. It sounds like a contract.
105 Peace! (reads) I will imitate the honorable Romans in Quiet! (reads) I will copy the Romans in
brevity. shortness.
POINS POINS
He sure means brevity in breath, short-winded. He must mean shortness of breath, and
wheezing.
(reads) I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and (reads) I salute myself, I salute you, and Im
I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he done. Dont get too close to Poins. He takes such
misuses thy favors so much that he swears thou art rampant advantage of your kindness that he
to marry his sister swears you will marry his sister Nell. Confess
your sins when you have the time; and with that,
farewell. Yours up and down
Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayest, and so, (which is to say, in whatever way you feel like), I
farewell. Thine by yea and no, which is as much as to remain Jack Falstaff to my friends, John to my
say, as thou usest him, Jack Falstaf with my brothers and sisters, and Sir John to all Europe.
familiars, John with my brothers and sisters, and Sir
John with all Europe.
POINS POINS
115 My lord, Ill steep this letter in sack and make him eat Sir, Ill soak this letter in wine and shove it down
it. his throat.

Thats to make him eat twenty of his words. But do That would be making him eat twenty of his
you use words. But are you taking advantage of me like he
me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister? says, Ned? Must I marry your sister?
POINS POINS
God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never It would be her lucky day if you did. But I never
said so. said that.
Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the Well, were wasting time, and the angels in
120 spirits of heaven are mocking us. (to BARDOLPH) Is your
the wise sit in the clouds and mock boss here in London?
us. (toBARDOLPH) Is your
master here in London?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Yea, my lord. Yes, my lord.
Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old Wheres he eating tonight? Is the old pig eating in
frank? the old sty?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap. At the old place, my lord. In Eastcheap.
125 What company? Whos with him?
PAGE PAGE
Ephesians, my lord, of the old church. The usual old characters.
Sup any women with him? Are any women eating with him?
PAGE PAGE
None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress No women sir. Just old Mistress Quickly and
Doll Mistress Doll Tearsheet.
Tearsheet.

130 What pagan may that be? What heathen is that?
PAGE PAGE
A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my A proper lady, sir, and my masters relative.
masters.
Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town Exactly the kind of relative as the country cows
bull. are to the town bull. Ned, should we spy on them
Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper? as they eat supper?
POINS POINS
135 I am your shadow, my lord. Ill follow you. Im after you like a shadow, my lord: Ill follow you.

Sirrahyou, boyand Bardolph, no word to your Sirrah, you boy, and you, Bardolphdont tell
master your master that Im back in town. (gives them
that I am yet come to town. (gives them money) This is for your silence.
money)Theres for
your silence.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
I have no tongue, sir. I have no tongue to speak with, sir.
PAGE PAGE
140 And for mine, sir, I will govern it. As for my tongue, Ill manage it.
Fare you well. Go. Farewell to you both; go now.
Exeunt BARDOLPH and PAGE BARDOLPH and the PAGE exit.

This Doll Tearsheet should be some road. This Doll Tearsheet must be some road.
POINS POINS
I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Truly, shes as well-traveled as the highway to
Albans London.
and London.
145 How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight in How can we see Falstaff behave like his true self
his true tonight, and yet not be detected ourselves?
colors, and not ourselves be seen?
POINS POINS
Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait Well put on leather jackets and aprons and wait
upon him upon him as bartenders.
at his table as drawers.
From a god to a bull: a heavy decension. It was Should a God disguise himself as a bull? Thats
150 Joves case. quite a degradation. Well, Jove did it. And should
From a prince to a 'prentice: a low transformation that a prince disguise himself as an apprentice
shall bartender and transform into something so lowly?
be mine, for in everything the purpose must weigh Yes, I will: in every undertaking, the ends must
with the match the means. Follow me, Ned.
folly. Follow me, Ned.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 2, Scene 3
Enter NORTHUMBERLAND, LADY NORTHUMBERLAND, LADY

NORTHUMBERLAND, and LADY PERCY NORTHUMBERLAND, and LADY PERCY enter.
I pray thee, loving wife and gentle daughter, Please, my loving wife and sweet daughter-in-law,
Give even way unto my rough affairs. support me in my difficult tasks. Dont let the
Put not you on the visage of the times grimness of these days be reflected in your faces;
And be, like them, to Percy troublesome. dont add to Percys troubles.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND LADY NORTHUMBERLAND
5 I have given over. I will speak no more. I give up; I wont say any more. Do what you want.
Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide. Let your wisdom guide you.
Alas, sweet wife, my honor is at pawn, For goodness sake, sweet wife, my honor is at
And, but my going, nothing can redeem it. stake. Nothing can redeem it except my going.
LADY PERCY LADY PERCY
O yet, for Gods sake, go not to these wars. For Gods sake, dont go to these wars! Father-in-
10 The time was, father, that you broke your word, law, you once broke your word when you had
When you were more endeared to it than now, better reason to keep it than you do now. Your
When your own Percy, when my hearts dear Harry, own son Percymy hearts beloved Harry
Threw many a northward look to see his father looked northward again and again, hoping to see
Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain. his father coming with an army. But he hoped in
15 Who then persuaded you to stay at home? vain. Who persuaded you to stay home that time?
There were two honors lost, yours and your sons. Two honors were lost in that battle: yours, and
For yours, the God of heaven brighten it. your sons. As for yours, I hope God will make it
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun shine again. As for Harrys honor, it clung to him
In the gray vault of heaven, and by his light like the sun in a pale blue sky, and by its light
20 Did all the chivalry of England move every knight in England was moved to act bravely.
To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass He was the mirror in which noble youths dressed
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves. themselves. All men copied his way of walking,
He had no legs that practiced not his gait; except those who had no legs.
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish, And talking loudly and quicklythe one flaw
25 Became the accents of the valiant; nature had given himbecame the speech
For those that could speak low and tardily pattern for all brave men. Those who spoke softly
Would turn their own perfection to abuse and slowly would corrupt their proper speech, just
to seem more like
To seem like him. So that in speech, in gait, Harry. In speech, bearing, and diet; in inclinations
In diet, in affections of delight, toward pleasure, in military actions, and in moods,
30 In military rules, humors of blood, he was the target, mirror, example, and rulebook
He was the mark and glass, copy and book, that other men followed. And himOh wondrous
That fashioned others. And himO wondrous him! him! Oh miracle of men!you left him! The best
O miracle of men!him did you leave, man in the world, unsupported by you, faced the
Second to none, unseconded by you, hideous god of war from a position of weakness.
35 To look upon the hideous god of war His only defense was the sound of his own name,
In disadvantage, to abide a field and that is how you left him.
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspurs name Never insult his memory by letting your honor
Did seem defensible. So you left him. count more with strangers than with him. Leave
Never, O never, do his ghost the wrong them alone: Marshal Mowbray and the Archbishop
40 To hold your honor more precise and nice are strong. If my darling Harry had had half their
With others than with him. Let them alone. army, I might be hanging on his neck today, talking
The Marshal and the Archbishop are strong. about Prince Hals grave.
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
Today might I, hanging on Hotspurs neck,
45 Have talked of Monmouths grave.
Beshrew your heart, For goodness sake, pretty daughter-in-law. You
Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me take me out of myself, reminding me again of
With new lamenting ancient oversights. these past mistakes. But I must go and face
But I must go and meet with danger there, danger there or danger will find me somewhere
Or it will seek me in another place else, where I will be less prepared.
50 And find me worse provided.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND LADY NORTHUMBERLAND
Oh, fly to Scotland Oh, run to Scotland until these noblemen and their
Till that the nobles and the armd commons armies have skirmished against the king.
Have of their puissance made a little taste.
LADY PERCY LADY PERCY
If they get ground and vantage of the King, If they make any headway against the King, then
Then join you with them like a rib of steel join them, and like a steel rod make their strength
55 To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves, even stronger. But in the name of the love you feel
First let them try themselves. So did your son; for us, let them begin on their own. Thats how
He was so suffered. So came I a widow, your son fought. You allowed him to do that, and
And never shall have length of life enough thats how I became a widow. If I spend the rest of
my life pouring tears on
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes the plant of remembrance, it will never grow tall
60 That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven enough to pay proper tribute to my extraordinary
For recordation to my noble husband. husband.
Come, come, go in with me. 'Tis with my mind Come. Come. Go inside with me. My thoughts are
As with the tide swelled up unto his height, like the ocean at high tideneither coming in nor
That makes a still-stand, running neither way. going out, seeming to stand still. I want to go join
65 Fain would I go to meet the Archbishop, the Archbishop, but many thousands of reasons
But many thousand reasons hold me back. are holding me back. Ill go to Scotland and wait
I will resolve for Scotland. There am I there till events unfold and my help is called for.
Till time and vantage crave my company.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 2, Scene 4
Enter two DRAWERS Two DRAWERS enter.

FRANCIS FRANCIS
What the devil hast thou brought thereapplejohns? What the hell have you got there? Apple johns?
Thou You know Sir John cant stand apple johns.
knowest Sir John cannot endure an applejohn.
SECOND DRAWER SECOND DRAWER
Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of Damn, youre right. One day the Prince put a plate
applejohns before him and told him there were five of apple-johns in front of Falstaff and said, Here
5 more Sir are five more Sir Johns. Then the Prince took off
Johns and, putting off his hat, said I will now take my his hat and said, Im now going to bid farewell to
leave these six dry, round, old, withered knights. It
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights. It angered Sir John deeply, but he got over it.
angered
him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.
FRANCIS FRANCIS
Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou Well then, put the table cloth on and set the dish
canst down. Go see if you can find Sneaks band of
10 find out Sneaks noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain musicians. Mistress Tearsheet wants to hear
hear some music.
some music.
Enter THIRD DRAWER Enter THIRD DRAWER
THIRD DRAWER THIRD DRAWER
Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot. Hurry! The room they ate in was too hot, and
Theyll theyll be here any minute.
come in straight.
FRANCIS FRANCIS
Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, Sirrah, the Prince and Poins will be here soon.
and Theyre going to put on a couple of our jackets
15 they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir and aprons. Sir John cant know its them.
John Bardolph came and told me.
must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.
THIRD DRAWER THIRD DRAWER
By the Mass, here will be old utis. It will be an Well, theres going to be hilarity here! What a great
excellent scheme!
stratagem.
SECOND DRAWER SECOND DRAWER
Ill see if I can find out Sneak. Ill see if I can find Sneak.
FRANCIS and THE DRAWERS exit The DRAWERS exit.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL
TEARSHEETenter.
I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an I swear, sweetheart, you seem to be in a
20 excellent greattemporality. Your pulsidge is beating as
good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as strongly as you could want, and your color is as
extraordinarily as red as a rose; truly! But seriously, I do think youve
heart would desire, and your color, I warrant you, is as drank too much of that sweet wine from the
red Canary Islandsits a mighty powerful drink, and
25 as any rose, in good truth, la. But, i' faith, you have itll get into your blood faster than you can say,
drunk Whats this? How are you feeling now?
too much canaries, and thats a marvellous searching
wine,
and it perfumes the blood ere one can say Whats
this?
How do you now?
DOLL TEARSHEET DOLL TEARSHEET
Better than I was. Hem. Better than I was before. (she coughs or belches)
Why, thats well said. A good hearts worth gold. Well said! A healthy heart is worth its weight in
Lo, here comes Sir John. gold. Look, here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF FALSTAFF enters.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
(sings) When Arthur first in courtEmpty the jordan. (singing) When Arthur first in courtsomebody
30 (sings) And was a worthy kingHow now, Mistress empty the chamber pot! And was a worthy
Doll? kinghow are you, Mistress Doll?
Sick of a calm, yea, good faith. Shes sick of a qualm, she is.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
So is all her sect. An they be once in a calm, they are Thats how all the women in her profession are. As
sick. soon as theyre calmand not in someones bed
they get sick.
A pox damn you, muddy rascal. Is that all the comfort You stupid bastard. Is this how you make me feel
you better?
give me?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
35 You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll. You make fat bastards, Mistress Doll.

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I I make them fat? Gluttony and disease will make
make men fat; I have nothing to do with it.
them not.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to Well, cooks help create gluttony, by making and
make the selling foodthe object of gluttony. And you help
40 diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. create diseases, Doll. We catch them from you,
Grant Doll, we catch them from you: admit it.
that, my poor virtue, grant that.
Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels. Sure, sweetheart. You catch us by the chains and
the jewels, and then you steal them from us.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Your broaches, pearls, and ouchesfor to serve Your brooches, pearls, and gemsWe fight
bravely is bravely and then come away limping. We retreat
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach from the breach in the wall with our weapons
45 with bravely bent. We head off to the doctor, bravely.
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to And then we charge into the loaded
venture upon chambersagain, bravely.
the charged chambers bravely
Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself! Drop dead, you filthy eel. Drop dead!
By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never I swear, this is how it always is. You two even see
meet but each other without fighting. Youre as hot as dry
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, toast, you cant stand each others bad qualities.
50 as Good grief! But one of you has to bear the burden,
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear and thats you, Doll. Youre the weaker sex, the
with empty vessel.
anothers confirmities. What the good-year! One must
bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as
they say,
the emptier vessel.
Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full Can a weak, empty vessel bear the burden of
hogshead? such a huge, full barrel? Theres a whole
55 Theres a whole merchants venture of Bourdeaux merchants stock of Bordeaux wine in him; youve
stuff in never seen a ship with a fuller cargo hold. Come,
him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the Jack, Ill be friends with
hold.
ome, Ill be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to
the
wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, you. Youre going off to war, and whether or not I
there is ever see you againwell, who cares.
nobody cares.
Enter FIRST DRAWER The FIRST DRAWER enters.
FIRST DRAWER FIRST DRAWER
Sir, Ancient Pistols below and would speak with Sir, Ensign Pistols downstairs. He wants to talk
60 you. with you.
Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come Let him drop dead, that hot-tempered jerk! Dont
hither. It is let him in: hes got the foulest mouth in England.
the foul-mouthedst rogue in England.
If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, If hes going to make trouble, dont let him in. No
I must way; I have my neighbors to think about. Ill have
65 live among my neighbors. Ill no swaggerers: I am in no troublemakers here. Ive got my good
good reputation to watch out for. Shut the doors; no
name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. troublemakers are getting in here. I havent lived
There this long to have trouble now. Shut the doors,
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this please.
while to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Dost thou hear, hostess? Do you hear, hostess?
Pray you pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no Please, be quiet a second, Sir John. No
70 swaggerers troublemakers are coming in here.
here.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient. Didnt you hear? Its my ensign.
Tilly-vally, Sir John, ne'er tell me. And your ancient Oh fiddlesticks, Sir John, I dont want to hear it.
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Your Ensign Troublemaker is not coming in here. I
Master talked to Master Tisick, the deputy, the other day.
75 Tisick, the debuty t' other day, and, as he said to me And he said to meit couldnt have been longer
twas ago than last WednesdayI swear, neighbor
no longer ago than Wednesday last, i' good faith Quickly, he said. (Master Dumbe, the minister,
Neighbour Quickly, says heMaster Dumb, our was here at the time.) Neighbor Quickly, he said,
minister, only let in people who are well behaved,
80 was by thenNeighbour Quickly, says he, receive because, he said, your reputation is suffering.
those He said that, and Ill tell you why. Youre an
that are civil, for, said he, you are in an ill name. honest woman, and people think highly of
Now he
said so, I can tell whereupon. For, says he, you are
an
honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take
heed
what guests you receive. Receive, says he, no
swaggering

companions. There comes none here. You would you. So think about who you let in. Dont let in, he
bless you said, any troublemakers. And none are getting in.
to hear what he said. No, Ill no swaggerers. Youd be lucky if you heard what he said. No way,
no troublemakers.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Hes no swaggerer, hostess, a tame cheater, i' faith. Hes not a troublemaker, hostess. Hes a harmless
85 You may cheater; you can pet him like a little puppy. He
stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. Hell not wouldnt even start a fight with a guinea-hen, if her
swagger with a Barbary hen if her feathers turn back feathers stood up in annoyance. Get him up here,
in any drawer.
show of resistance.Call him up, drawer.
Exit FIRST DRAWER FIRST DRAWER exits.
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my You call him a cheater? I wont keep an honest
house, man out of this bar, so I wont keep a cheater out,
90 nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. By my either.
troth, But I dont like troublemakers, I swear. I get sick
I am the worse when one says swagger. Feel, when I hear the word, troublemaker. Feel,
masters, how masters: Im shaking. Look, Im telling you.
I shake; look you, I warrant you.
So you do, hostess. You are shaking.
Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an twere an aspen leaf. I am?I am! I swear, Im shaking like a big tree
I leaf. I cant stand troublemakers.
cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and the PAGE PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and the PAGE enter.
PISTOL PISTOL
95 God save you, Sir John. Good to see you, Sir John!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you Welcome, Ensign Pistol. Here, Pistol. I charge you
with a with a glass of wine. Now discharge on the
cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess. hostess.
PISTOL PISTOL
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets. Ill unload two big bullets on her, Sir John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend Shes Pistol-proof, sir. Youll hardly be able to
her. injure her.
100 Come, Ill drink no proofs nor no bullets. Ill drink no I wont have any proofs or any bullets. I wont
more drink any more than I feel like, not for any man.
than will do me good, for no mans pleasure, I.

PISTOL PISTOL
Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you. Then heres to you, Mistress. Dorothy, Ill charge
you.
Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, Charge me? Get lost, you sick jerk. What? You
you poor, broke, rude, scheming, cheating, shirtless fool!
105 base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you Get away from me, you moldy bastard, away! Im
mouldy meant for your betters.
rogue, away! I am meat for your master.
PISTOL PISTOL
I know you, Mistress Dorothy. I know you, Mistress Dorothy.
Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By Get away, you pickpocket rascal! You dirty thief,
this away! I swear on this wine, Ill stick a knife in your
wine, Ill thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you rotten cheeks if you keep abusing me like this.
110 play Out, you boozy rascal! You imposter of a solider!
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, Since when are you a soldier, I ask you? With two
you armor tags on your shoulder? Im sure!
basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you,
sir?
Gods light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!
PISTOL PISTOL
God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this. Ill strangle your neck for that, or Ill die trying.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Hold it, Pistol. I dont want you to go off here.
Discharge Discharge someplace else, Pistol.
yourself of our company, Pistol.
115 No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain. No, good Captain Pistol. Not here, sweet captain.
Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou Captain? You horrible, damned liar, arent you
not ashamed to be called captain? If captains
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of shared my opinions, theyd beat you for taking
my mind, their rank without earning it. You, a captain? You
they would truncheon you out for taking their names bastard, for what? For
upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain?
You slave,
120 for what? For tearing a poor whores ruff in a bawdy tearing a poor whores clothes in a whorehouse?
house? Him, a captain? Let him drop dead, the rogue! He
He a captain! Hang him, rogue. He lives upon lives off the moldy food you find in brothels. A
mouldy captain? For Gods sake! Men like him will make
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? Gods the word captain as nasty as the
125 light, these word occupy, which was a fine word before it got
villains will make the word as odious as the word corrupted. Captains had better watch out.
occupy,
which was an excellent good word before it was ill
sorted.
Therefore captains had need look to t.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Pray thee go down, good ancient. Please, calm down, good ensign.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll. Listen here, Mistress Doll.
PISTOL PISTOL
Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear Not me. Ill tell you what, Corporal Bardolph, I
her. could tear her. Ill get revenge on her.
Ill be revenged of her.
PAGE PAGE
130 Pray thee go down. Please, calm down!
PISTOL PISTOL
Ill see her damned first to Plutos damnd lake, by Ill see her damned first. To the waters of hell, I
this swear, to the endless deep, with chaos and vile
hand, to th' infernal deep with Erebus and tortures tortures. Hold onto that pole, I say. Down, down,
vile also. dogs! Down, fates! Heres my sword!
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down,
Fates!
Have we not Hiren here?
135 Good Captain Peesell, be quiet. 'Tis very late, i' faith. Captain Pisser, be quiet! Its late. I beg of you,
I stop being angry!
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.
PISTOL PISTOL
These be good humors indeed. Shall pack-horses Now were talking! Are we going to let
And hollow pampered jades of Asia, which cannot go old nagsand pampered horses (who cant
but manage more than a few miles a day) be
thirty mile a day, compared with kings, and generals, and mythic
Compare with Caesars and with cannibals, and heroes? No! Damn them to hell, and let the
Troyant storms rage! Should we fight over nothing?
Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with
King
Cerberus, and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall
foul
for toys?


140 By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words. My goodness, captain! Those are strong words!
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Begone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon. You should go now, ensign. This is going to get
out of control in a minute.
PISTOL PISTOL
Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we Let men die like dogs! Give away kings' crowns
not like theyre nothing! Isnt this a sword we have
Hiren here? here?
O' my word, captain, theres none such here. What My word of honor, captain, theres no such thing
145 the good- here! For goodness sake! Do you think Id say
year, do you think I would deny her? For Gods sake, shes not if she were? For Gods sake, be quiet!
be
quiet.
PISTOL PISTOL
Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give s Then eat and grow fat, my sweet lady! Come,
some bring me some wine. Si fortuna me
sack. Si fortune me tormente, sperato me tormente,sperato me contento. Are we scared of
150 contento.Fear we an attack? No! Let the devil open fire. Give me
broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some some wine, and darling, lie there. (he lays his
sack, sword down) Is the party over? What about the
and, sweetheart, lie thou there. (lays down his rest of it, the et ceteras?
sword) Come
we to full points here? And are etceteras nothing?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Pistol, I would be quiet. Pistol, Id be quiet if I were you.
PISTOL PISTOL
Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the Sweet knight, I kiss your fist. Look! Its so late
seven we can see the Big Dipper out.
stars.
155 For Gods sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot For Gods sake, throw him down the stairs. I cant
endure such stand such a worthless jerk.
a fustian rascal.
PISTOL PISTOL
Thrust him downstairs? Know we not Galloway Throw him down the stairs? Dont we know a
nags? common prostitute when we see one?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Toss him down, Bardolph, like a coin on a game
Nay, board. He does nothing but talk a bunch of
an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing, so hes going to count for nothing here.
nothing here.

BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
160 Come, get you downstairs. Come on. Get downstairs.
PISTOL PISTOL
What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue? What? Is there going to be cutting now? Shall we
(snatches up his sword) Then death rock me asleep, be soaked in blood? (he grabs his sword)Then let
abridge my doleful death sing me a lullaby; let him end my
days. Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds melancholy days! Let grievous, ghastly, gaping
untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say. wounds unravel the thread of my life, spun by
those three sisters of fate! Come, Atropos, cut off
my thread!
165 Heres goodly stuff toward! This ought to be good.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Give me my rapier, boy. Give me my sword, boy.
I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee do not draw. Please, Jack, please; dont fight!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Get you downstairs. (drawing and driving PISTOout) Get downstairs! (he draws his sword and
chasesPISTOL)
Heres a goodly tumult. Ill forswear keeping house This is going to be some fight! I would sooner
170 afore close this bar than put up with terrors and fits. Its
Ill be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant murder, I swear! Oh my! Oh my! Put away your
now. naked weapons! Put away your naked weapons!
Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your
naked
weapons.
Exeunt PISTOL pursued by BARDOLPH PISTOL exits, pursued by BARDOLPH.
I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascals gone. Ah, Please, Jack, calm down; the jerks gone. Oh you
you son-of-a-bitch, brave little bastard, you!
whoreson little valiant villain, you.
175 Are you not hurt i' the groin? Methought he made a Did he hurt you in the groin? I thought he got in a
shrewd thrust at your belly. good shot at your belly.
Enter BARDOLPH BARDOLPH enters.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Have you turned him out o' doors? Did you kick him out of here?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Yea, sir. The rascals drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i' Yup! The jerks drunk. You hurt his shoulder.
the shoulder.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
A rascal to brave me! That jerk! How dare he challenge me!
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you. Alas, poor ape, how Oh, you sweet little rogue, you! Oh my, you poor
180 thou monkey, youre sweating! Come, let me wipe your
sweatst! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you face. Come on, you fat bastard. Oh, you rogue! I
whoreson chops. Ah, rogue, i' faith, I love thee. Thou swear, I love you. Youre as brave asHector of
art as Troy, youre worth five Agamemnons, and youre
valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of ten times better than the nine wonders of the
Agamemnon, and world! Oh, you villain!
ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Ah, rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket. The no-good jerk! Ill wrap the rogue in a blanket,
the way they punish cowards.
185 Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, Ill Do it, if you dare. If you do, Ill toss you between a
canvass pair of sheets!
thee between a pair of sheets.
Enter musicians The musicians enter.
PAGE PAGE
The music is come, sir. The music is here, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Let them play.Play, sirs.Sit on my knee, Doll. A Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll. A
rascal no-good, bragging jerk! The fool ran from me like
bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.
quicksilver.
190 I' faith, and thou followedst him like a church. Thou Truly, and you chased him like a churchslowly.
whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt You rotten little fat roasting pig! When will you
thou stop fighting all day and thrusting all night, and
leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights and begin start to get your body ready for its final resting
to patch place?
up thine old body for heaven?
Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS, Unseen, PRINCE HENRY and POINS enter,
disguised as drawers disguised as drawers.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a deaths-head; Quiet, Doll. Dont talk like a deaths-head. Dont
195 do not bid make me think of my own end.
me remember mine end.
Sirrah, what humors the Prince of? Sirrah, whats the Prince like?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
A good shallow young fellow, he would have made a Hes a shallow youngster. He would have made a
good good pantry servant: he would have been great at
pantler; he would a' chipped bread well. trimming the crusts off bread.
They say Poins has a good wit. They say Poins is smart.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
200 He a good wit? Hang him, baboon. His wits as thick Him, smart? Hang him, hes a baboon! Hes as
as thick as mustard, and no smarter than a
Tewksbury mustard. Theres no more conceit in him sledgehammer.
than is
in a mallet.
Why does the Prince love him so then? Then why does the Prince love him?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he Because their legs are the same size, and he
205 plays at likes to play the game of quoits and eat fatty
quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks foods; and hell play drinking games, like dropping
off burning candle ends into his drinks. He plays on
candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild the see-saw with the boys, and pulls crazy stunts,
mare with and curses nicely. And his boots fit nice and
210 the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears smooth, just like the ones painted on the shoe
with a stores signs. And he doesnt cause trouble by
good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like spilling secrets. He has all kinds of qualities
unto the associated with weak minds and healthy bodies,
sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of and thats why the Prince keeps him around:
discreet because the Prince is exactly the same. Theres
stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that not a hairs difference between the two of them.
show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince
admits
him; for the Prince himself is such another. The
weight of a
hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

(to POINS) Would not this nave of a wheel have his (to POINS) We should cut this fatsos ears off.
ears cut off?
POINS POINS
215 Lets beat him before his whore. Lets beat him in front of his whore.
Look whe'er the withered elder hath not his poll Look at that old geezer having his head scratched
clawed like like a parrot.
a parrot.
POINS POINS
Is it not strange that desire should so many years Isnt it odd that desire lasts so much longer than
outlive the ability to perform?
performance?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
220 Kiss me, Doll. Kiss me, Doll.
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says Saturn and Venus must be aligned this year!
th' What do you think the astrological tables have to
almanac to that? say about that?
POINS POINS
And look whether the fiery trigon, his man, be not And look. That fiery-faced Bardolph is whispering
lisping to sweet nothings to Quickly, his masters old
his masters old tables, his notebook, his counsel confidante.
keeper.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
225 (to DOLL) Thou dost give me flattering busses. (to DOLL) You flatter me with your kisses.
By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart. I swear, my kisses are heartfelt.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I am old, I am old. Im old. Im old.
I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy I love you more than I could love any ridiculous
of them young man in the world.
all.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
230 What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money What fabric do you want a new skirt made out of?
o' Ill get paid on Thursday, so youll get a new hat
Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! tomorrow. Lets have a happy song. Its getting
Come, late; lets go to bed. Youll forget me when Im
it grows late. Well to bed. Thou 'lt forget me when I gone.
am
gone.

By my troth, thou 'lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest I swear, youll make me cry if you talk like that. I
235 so. wont wear any beautiful clothing till you return.
Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy Well, well see what happens.
return. Well,
harken a' th' end.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Some sack, Francis. Some wine, Francis.
PRINCE HENRY AND POINS PRINCE HENRY AND POINS
Anon, anon, sir. Right away, sir!

Coming forward PRINCE HENRY and POINS reveal themselves.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Ha? A bastard son of the Kings?And art not thou What! A bastard son of the King? And arent you
240 Poins his brother? Poins, his brother?
Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost Your globe, covered with continents of sin! What
thou kind of life are you leading?
lead?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
A better than thou. I am a gentleman. Thou art a A better life than you. Im a gentleman and youre
drawer. just a drawer.
Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears. Thats right, sir. And Im going to draw you out of
this room by the ears.
245 O, the Lord preserve thy good Grace! By my troth, Oh, may God bless you, sir. I swear, welcome to
welcome London. God bless that sweet face of yours! Oh
to London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of Jesus! Have you come from Wales?
thine. O
Jesu, are you come from Wales?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, You son of a bitch, you insane block of royalty!
(indicating (indicating DOLL) I swear on this piece of weak
DOLL) by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art flesh and corrupt blood that youre welcome here!
welcome.
250 How? You fat fool, I scorn you. What? You fat fool! The hell with you!
POINS POINS
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and My lord, if you dont strike while the irons hot, hell
turn all turn everything into a joke and rob you of your
to a merriment, if you take not the heat. chance for revenge.

You whoreson candle-mine, you how vilely did you You son of a whore, you giant piece of candle
speak of wax, you said such horrible things about me just
255 me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil now, in front of this honest, upstanding and well-
gentlewoman! behaved lady.
Gods blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by May God bless your good heart! She is all that, I
my troth. swear.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Didst thou hear me? Did you hear me?

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran Yes. And you knew I was there, right? Its just like
away by when you ran away at Gads Hill : you knew I was
260 Gads Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it the one who beat you, and you made up some
on story just to irritate me.
purpose to try my patience.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No, no, no; not so. I did not think thou wast within No, no, no. Not at all. I had no idea you were
hearing. there.
I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilfull abuse, Then Im going to make you confess that you
and then deliberately slandered me. And then Ill know
I know how to handle you. what to do next.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No abuse, Hal, o' mine honor, no abuse. No slander, Hal. On my honor, no slander.
265 Not to dispraise me and call me pantier and bread- No? To malign me, and call me a pantry servant
chipper and a bread-trimmer, and I dont know what else?
and I know not what?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No abuse, Hal. No slander, Hal.
POINS POINS
No abuse? No slander?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No abuse, Ned, i' th' world, honest Ned, none. I No slander, Ned, in the world, honest Ned, none. I
270 dispraised maligned him only to the wicked, so that the
him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall wicked wouldnt fall in love with him. And by doing
in love that, Ive acted like a good friend and loyal
with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a subject, and your father should thank me for it. No
careful slander, Hal, none, Ned. No, truly boys, none.
friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me
thanks
for it. No abuse, Hal.None, Ned, none. No, faith,
boys, none.

See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth Now your absolute fear and utter cowardliness
275 not has made you wrong this good lady in order to
make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close make peace with us. Is she wicked? Is this
with hostess here wicked? Is your boy here wicked?
us. Is she of the wicked, is thine hostess here of the Or honest Bardolph, whose piety burns in his
wicked, face? Is he wicked?
or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolph,
whose zeal
burns in his nose, of the wicked?
POINS POINS
Answer, thou dead elm, answer. Answer, you withered old trunk, answer.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
280 The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, The devil has marked Bardolph as long gone, and
and his face is Lucifers kitchen, where only drunks
his face is Lucifers privy kitchen, where he doth are served. As for the boy, he may have a good
nothing but spirit on one shoulder, but the devil on the other is
roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel stronger.
about
him, but the devil outbids him too.
For the women? And the women?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
285 For one of them, shes in hell already and burns poor One of them is in hell already, where she gets
souls. poor souls hot. As for the other, I owe her money.
For the other, I owe her money, and whether she be If shes damned for that, I have no idea.
damned
for that I know not.
No, I warrant you. Im not, I promise you that.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. No, I think youre not. I think youve been excused
290 Marry, for that. But theres another charge against you.
there is another indictment upon thee for suffering You serve flesh in this place, and thats against
flesh to the law. Youre going to hell for that.
be eaten in thy house contrary to the law, for the
which I
think thou wilt howl.
All vitlars do so. Whats a joint of mutton or two in a Everybody who serves food does that. Whats
whole wrong with a bite or two of meat during Lent?
Lent?
295 You, gentlewoman. You, good lady
What says your Grace? What is it, gracious sir?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against. He may speak to you graciously, but his body
feels otherwise.
Knocking within Knocking is heard ofstage.


Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there, Whos knocking so loudly on the door? Francis,
Francis. go see.
Enter PETO PETO enters.
Peto, how now, what news? Peto, how are you? Whats going on?
PETO PETO
300 The King your father is at Westminster, Your father the King is in Westminster. Twenty
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts exhausted messengers have arrived from the
Come from the north, and as I came along north. And, on my way here, I met a dozen
I met and overtook a dozen captains, captains, hustling and working hard, knocking on
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns the door of every tavern and searching for Sir
305 And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff. John Falstaff.
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame My God, Poins, I feel terrible wasting precious
So idly to profane the precious time time on this idleness when a huge black storm is
When tempest of commotion, like the south brewing, soon to open up on our bare, vulnerable
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt heads. Give me my coat and my sword. Good
310 And drop upon our bare unarmd heads. night, Falstaff.
Give me my sword and cloak.Falstaff, good night.
Exeunt PRINCE PRINCE HENRY, POINS, PETO,
HENRY, POINS, PETO andBARDOLPH andBARDOLPH exit.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and Nows the sweetest part of the night, and we have
we must hence and leave it unpicked. to leave without enjoying it.
Knocking within Knocking is heard ofstage.
More knocking at the door? More knocking!
How now, whats the matter? Whats going on? Whats the matter?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
315 You must away to court, sir, presently. You have to go to the royal court immediately, sir.
A dozen captains stay at door for you. A dozen captains are at the door waiting for you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
(to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, sirrah.Farewell, (to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, Sirrah.
hostess.Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, Goodbye, waitress. Goodbye, Doll. See,
how wenches, how wanted we valuable men are? The
320 men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may good-for-nothing may sleep when the man of
sleep action is needed. Farewell, good wenches. If Im
when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good not sent away immediately, Ill come see you
wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again before I go.
again ere
I go.

I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst I cant speak; my heart is ready to burst. Well,
well, sweet Jack, take care of yourself.
sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
325 Farewell, farewell. Farewell, farewell.
Exeunt FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, PAGE, and FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH exit.
musicians
Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty- Well, goodbye. Ive known you twenty-nine years
nine this June. But a more honest, more good-hearted
years, come peascod time, but an honester and manwell, fare you well.
truer-hearted
manwell, fare thee well.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
(within) Mistress Tearsheet! (ofstage) Mistress Tearsheet!
330 Whats the matter? Whats the matter?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
(within) Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master. (ofstage) Mistress Tearsheet, come to my master.
O, run, Doll, run, run, good Doll. Come.She comes O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll. Come.Shes
blubbered.Yea! Will you come, Doll? coming, all crying and blubbering.Will you
come, Doll?
Exeunt They exit.
Act 3, Scene 1
Enter KING Henry in his nightgown, with a page KING Henry enters, wearing his nightgown. A
page follows.
KING KING
Go call the Earls of Surrey and of Warwick; Call the earls of Surrey and Warwick. Tell them to
But, ere they come, bid them o'erread these letters read over these letters before they come, and to
And well consider of them. Make good speed. think carefully about them. Hurry.
Exit page The page exits.
How many thousand of my poorest subjects Thousands of even my poorest subjects are
5 Are at this hour asleep! O sleep, O gentle sleep, sleeping right now. Oh sleep! Oh sweet sleep,
Natures soft nurse, how have I frighted thee, natures gentle healer, what have I done to frighten
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down you? You wont weigh down my eyelids anymore,
And steep my senses in forgetfulness? or dull my mind to make me forget. Sleep, why do
Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs, you lie in filthy hovels, stretched out on
10 Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee uncomfortable cots, where insects' buzzing is the
And hushed with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber, lullaby? Why dont you lie in the sweet-smelling
Than in the perfumed chambers of the great, bedrooms of kings, under opulent canopies, lulled
Under the canopies of costly state, with soft and beautiful music? You drowsy god,
And lulld with sound of sweetest melody? why do you lie with the common people in their
15 O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile loathsome beds, leaving the royal bed lonely like a
In loathsome beds and leavest the kingly couch sentry post, or a bell tower?
A watch-case or a common 'larum bell? Will you even close the eyes of a ship boy, high up
Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast on the whirling mast, and rock him gently in a
Seal up the shipboys eyes, and rock his brains cradle made of rough, tossing seas and howling
20 In cradle of the rude imperious surge windswinds which take the waves and, curling
And in the visitation of the winds, them over, crashes them through the air with such
Who take the ruffian billows by the top, a deafening noise that they wake death itself? Can
Curling their monstrous heads and hanging them you, oh unfair sleep, give rest to a drenched little
With deafening clamor in the slippery clouds sailor in the midst of such roughness, and yet
25 That with the hurly death itself awakes? deny it to a king?
Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose
To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,
And, in the calmest and most stillest night, A king on the calmest, stillest night, with
With all appliances and means to boot, everything available for sleep? Then, you happy
30 Deny it to a king? Then, happy low, lie down. commoners, put yourselves to bed. The head that
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. wears the crown sleeps uneasily.
Enter WARWICK and SURREY WARWICK and SURREY enter.
WARWICK WARWICK
Many good morrows to your Majesty. Good morning, your highness.
KING KING
Is it good morrow, lords? Is it morning, lords?
WARWICK WARWICK
'Tis one o'clock, and past. Its after one o'clock.
KING KING
35 Why then, good morrow to you all, my lords. Well, then, good morning to you all, my lords.
Have you read o'er the letter that I sent you? Have you read the letters I sent you?
WARWICK WARWICK
We have, my liege. We have, your highness.
KING KING
Then you perceive the body of our kingdom Then you can tell how sick the kingdom is. There
How foul it is, what rank diseases grow are serious diseases spreading through its body,
40 And with what danger near the heart of it. very near its heart.
WARWICK WARWICK
It is but as a body yet distempered, The bodys only out of sorts. It can be brought
Which to his former strength may be restored back to full health through good care and some
With good advice and little medicine. medicine. Northumberland will soon be
My Lord Northumberland will soon be cooled. suppressed.
KING KING
45 O God, that one might read the book of fate Oh God! If only we could read the book of destiny!
And see the revolution of the times Wed see how time changes everything, bringing
Make mountains level, and the continent, mountains low and melting the landwhich is
Weary of solid firmness, melt itself tired of being solid and firminto the sea. Wed
Into the sea, and other times to see see how the beach is sometimes too wide for even
50 The beachy girdle of the ocean the tide to conquer. Wed see how blind luck can
Too wide for Neptunes hips; how chances mocks make mockeries of men, and how change can
And changes fill the cup of alteration affect you in countless ways.
With divers liquors! O, if this were seen, If even the happiest youth could read this book,
The happiest youth, viewing his progress through, hed look at the course of his lifethe dangers
55 What perils past, what crosses to ensue, hes endured, the challenges that still lie ahead
Would shut the book, and sit him down and die. and hed shut that book, sit down and die. It was
'Tis not ten years gone less than ten years ago that Richard and
Since Richard and Northumberland, great friends, Northumberland loved each other. Then two years
Did feast together, and in two years after later, they were at war. Just eight years ago,
60 Were they at wars. It is but eight years since Northumberland was the man closest to my heart.
This Percy was the man nearest my soul, Like a brother, he devoted himself to me,
Who like a brother toiled in my affairs dedicating both life and limb to my cause. He even
And laid his love and life under my foot, challenged Richard on my behalf. But which of
Yea, for my sake, even to the eyes of Richard you was there
65 Gave him defiance. But which of you was by I think it was you, Warwickwhen Richard, his
(to WARWICK) You, cousin Nevil, as I may remember eyes brimming with tears because of
Northumberlands rebellion, spoke these words
When Richard, with his eye brimful of tears, that now seem prophetic: Northumberland, you
Then checked and rated by Northumberland, are the ladder that Bolingbroke has climbed to get
70 Did speak these words, now proved a prophecy? to the throne. Although, God knows, it wasnt my
Northumberland, thou ladder by the which intention then to become king. But the country
My cousin Bolingbroke ascends my throne needed it so badly, I was forced to rise up and
Though then, God knows, I had no such intent, become great. The time will come, Richard
But that necessity so bowed the state continued, when this terrible sin, growing in size,
75 That I and greatness were compelled to kiss will break out into corruption. Thats how he went
The time shall come, thus did he follow it, on. He predicted our current condition, and the
The time will come that foul sin, gathering head, collapse of our alliances.
Shall break into corruptionso went on,
Foretelling this same times condition
And the division of our amity.
WARWICK WARWICK
80 There is a history in all mens lives There is a chronicle for every mans life, which
Figuring the nature of the times deceased, shows what happened to him in times now past. If
The which observed, a man may prophesy, you study that chronicle, you can prophecy what
With a near aim, of the main chance of things lies ahead with some accuracy. The seeds of
As yet not come to life, which in their seeds things to come are buried in the things that have
85 And weak beginnings lie intreasurd. already happened. These seeds grow, and
Such things become the hatch and brood of time, become the children of time.
And by the necessary form of this,
King Richard might create a perfect guess King Richard could look at the pattern of what had
That great Northumberland, then false to him, gone before and predict perfectly that
90 Would of that seed grow to a greater falseness, Northumberlands betrayalthen still a seed
Which should not find a ground to root upon would someday grow larger, if it could find
Unless on you. suitable soil to root in. And youre the only soil it
could have found.
KING KING
Are these things then necessities? Were these things necessary, then? Then well
Then let us meet them like necessities. treat them like necessities, even though the very
95 And that same word even now cries out on us. word necessities cries out against us. They say
They say the Bishop and Northumberland the Archbishop and Northumberland have fifty
Are fifty thousand strong. thousand men in their army.
WARWICK WARWICK
It cannot be, my lord. That cant be, my lord. Rumor, like an echo,
Rumor doth double, like the voice and echo, doubles the size of our enemys army. Please,
100 The numbers of the feared. Please it your Grace your highness, go to bed. I swear on my soul that
To go to bed. Upon my soul, my lord, the army youve already sent out can win this
The powers that you already have sent forth battle easily. And heres more good news: Ive
Shall bring this prize in very easily. heard for sure that Glendower is dead. Youve
To comfort you the more, I have received been ill for two weeks now, your majesty. Keeping
105 A certain instance that Glendower is dead. such irregular hours will surely make things
Your Majesty hath been this fortnight ill, worse.
And these unseasoned hours perforce must add
Unto your sickness.
KING KING
I will take your counsel. Ill listen to your advice. And once weve got this
And were these inward wars once out of hand, civil war in hand, we will, my friends, march to the
110 We would, dear lords, unto the Holy Land. Holy Land.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 3, Scene 2
Enter Justice SHALLOW and Justice SILENCE, Justice SHALLOW and Justice SILENCE enter.
withMOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLC They are followed
ALF, and a servant or two by MOULDY, SHADOW,WART, FEEBLE, BULLC
ALF, and a servant or two.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Come on, come on, come on. Give me your hand, Come on, come on, come on, sir. Shake my hand,
sir, give sir, shake my hand. Youre an early riser, I swear.
me your hand, sir. An early stirrer, by the rood. And How are you, cousin Silence?
how
doth my good cousin Silence?
SILENCE SILENCE
Good morrow, good cousin Shallow. Good morning, cousin Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
5 And how doth my cousin your bedfellow? And your And hows my cousin, your wife? And your prettiest
fairest daughter, my fair god-daughter Ellen?
daughter and mine, my goddaughter Ellen?
SILENCE SILENCE
Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow. Im afraid shes got dark hair, cousin Shallow!
SHALLOW SHALLOW
By yea and no, sir. I dare say my cousin William is By gum, I bet Williams become a real scholar. Hes
become still at Oxford, right?
a good scholar. He is at Oxford still, is he not?
SILENCE SILENCE
10 Indeed, sir, to my cost. He sure is, and Im the one whos paying for it.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
He must then to the Inns o' Court shortly. I was once Hell be going to law school soon. I studied law
of at Clements Inn, where I think they still talk about
Clements Inn, where I think they will talk of mad crazy old Shallow.
Shallow
yet.
SILENCE SILENCE
You were called Lusty Shallow then, cousin. You were known as lusty Shallow back then,
cousin.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
15 By the Mass, I was called anything, and I would have I was known as anything, I swear. And I would have
done done anything too, and all the way, too. I was there,
anything indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and little John Doit from Staffordshire, and black-
and little haired George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and
John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, Will Squele, from the Cotswolds. Since then, no law
and college
Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotswold man.
You
had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the Inns o'
Court
SHALLOW SHALLOW
20 again. And I may say to you, we knew where the bona in the world has seen four swashbucklers like us.
robas And let me tell you this: we knew where to find the
were and had the best of them all at commandment. highest-quality whores, and the best of them were
Then at our beck and call. At that time, Jack Falstaff,
was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to now Sir John, was just a boy. He worked as a
Thomas page for Thomas Mowbray, the Duke of Norfolk.
Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.
SILENCE SILENCE
This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about Do you mean the same Sir John thats coming
soldiers? here soon to recruit soldiers?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
25 The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break The same Sir John, the very same. I saw him beat
Scoggins Skogan upon the head when he was a little tyke,
head at the court gate, when he was a crack not thus not this high. The same day, I had a fight with a
high; and guy named Sampson Stockfish. He sold fruit
the very same day did I fight with one Sampson behind Grays Inn. Jesus, Jesus! Ive had some
30 Stockfish, crazy times! To think that so many of my old pals
a fruiterer, behind Greys Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad are dead!
days that
I have spent! And to see how many of my old
acquaintance
are dead.
SILENCE SILENCE
We shall all follow, cousin. Well all follow them, cousin.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Certain, tis certain; very sure, very sure. Death, as Right you are, very right. Thats for sure, thats for
the sure. Death, as the Psalms say, is certain.
Psalmist saith, is certain to all. All shall die. How a Everyone dies. How much are they getting for
good good young bulls at the Stamford county fair?
yoke of bullocks at Stamford Fair?
SILENCE SILENCE
35 By my troth, cousin, I was not there. Truly, I wasnt there.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Death is certain. Is old Dooble of your town living yet? Death is certain. Is old Double from your
hometown still alive?
SILENCE SILENCE
Dead, sir. Dead, sir.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Jesu, Jesu, dead! He drew a good bow, and dead? Jesus, Jesus, dead! He was a good archer, and
He shot a dead! He could fire one heck of a shot. John of
40 fine shoot. John o' Gaunt loved him well, and betted Gaunt loved him, and used to wager on his
much shooting. Dead! He could hit a target from two
money on his head. Dead! He would have clapped i' hundred and forty yards, and he could shoot a
th' straight arrow two hundred and eighty yards
clout at twelve score, and carried you a forehand shaft maybe even two hundred and ninety. That was
a something to see. How much are they getting for
fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would have twenty ewes?
done a
mans heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?
SILENCE SILENCE
Thereafter as they be, a score of good ewes may be Depends on the quality. Twenty good ewes could
45 worth ten be worth ten pounds.
pounds.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
And is old Dooble dead? And old Doubles dead?
SILENCE SILENCE
Here come two of Sir John Falstaffs men, as I think. Here come two of Sir John Falstaffs men, I think.
Enter BARDOLPH and one with him BARDOLPH and another man enter.
SHALLOW Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morrow, honest gentlemen.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow? If you dont mind, which of you is Judge Shallow?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
50 I am Robert Shallow, sir, a poor esquire of this county Im Robert Shallow, sir, a poor landowner in this
and county, and one of the Kings justices of the
one of the Kings justices of the peace. What is your peace. How can I help you?
good
pleasure with me?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
My captain, sir, commends him to you, my captain, Sir My captain sends his regards. My captain, Sir
John John Falstaff. Hes a valiant gentleman, I swear,
55 Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most and a brave leader.
gallant
leader.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword Its great to hear from him. I knew him to be a
man. good fencer. Hows the good knight doing? And, if
How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his you dont mind my asking, hows his wife?
wife
doth?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Sir, pardon. A soldier is better accommodated than I beg your pardon, sir. A soldier has no need for a
60 with a wife; he is well enough accommodated.
wife.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It is well said, in faith, sir, and it is well said indeed Well said, I swear, sir. Well said. Well enough
too. accommodated! Thats good. Thats very good.
Better accommodated. It is good, yea, indeed, is it. Good turns
Good
phrases are surely, and ever were, very
commendable.
Accommodated. It comes of accommodo. Very of phrase deserve to be praised.

good, a good phrase. Accommodated! It comes from the Latin,
accommodo. Very good. Thats a good turn of
phrase.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
65 Pardon, sir; I have heard the wordphrase call you Excuse me, sir. Ive heard the word. You call it a
it? By turn of phrase? I dont know anything about
this day, I know not the phrase, but I will maintain the phrases, but Ill fight for the word. Its a good,
word soldier-like word; a word with many uses, to be
with my sword to be a soldierlike word, and a word of sure. Accommodated. You can say that a man is
70 exceeding good command, by heaven. accommodated when he has been furnished with
Accommodated, supplies. And you can also say that a man is
that is when a man is, as they say, accommodated, or being accommodated when hes, you know,being
when accommodated. Which is an excellent thing.
a man is being whereby he may be thought to be
accommodated, which is an excellent thing.
Enter FALSTAFF FALSTAFF enters.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It is very just. Look, here comes good Sir John.Give It certainly is. Look, here comes good Sir John.
me Let me shake your hand; let me shake your hand,
your good hand, give me your Worships good hand. sir. I swear, you look good, like you havent aged a
75 By my day. Welcome, good Sir John.
troth, you like well and bear your years very well.
Welcome,
good Sir John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Im glad to see youre well, Master Robert Shallow.
Shallow. And this is Master Surecard, isnt it?
Master Sure-card, as I think?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
No, Sir John. It is my cousin Silence, in commission No, Sir John. Its my cousin Silence. Like me, hes
with me. also a justice of the peace.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of Master Silence. Your name suits a justice of the
80 the peace.
peace.
SILENCE SILENCE
Your good Worship is welcome. Welcome, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided Damn! Its hot out, gentlemen. Have you found
me half a dozen able-bodied men for me?
here half a dozen sufficient men?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit? Yes sir, we have. Wont you sit?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
85 Let me see them, I beseech you. Let me see them, please.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Wheres the roll? Wheres the roll? Wheres the roll? Wheres the list? Wheres the list? Wheres the
Let me list? Lets see, lets see, lets see. Right, right.
see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so. So, Yes, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them come when I
so. Yea, call. Let them do that, let them do that. Lets see.
marry, sir.Rafe Mouldy!Let them appear as I call, Wheres Mouldy?
let
them do so, let them do so. Let me see, where is
Mouldy?
MOULDY MOULDY
90 Here, an it please you. Here, sir.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow; What do you think, Sir John? Hes got good
young, muscles. Young, strong, and well-connected.
strong, and of good friends.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Is thy name Mouldy? Are you Mouldy?
MOULDY MOULDY
Yea, an t please you. Yes, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
95 'Tis the more time thou wert used. Well then, its about time you were put to use.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Ha, ha, ha, most excellent, i' faith! Things that are Ha, ha, ha! Excellent, I swear! Things that dont
mouldy get used enough do indeed become moldy. Good
lack use. Very singular good, in faith. Well said, Sir one, I swear. Well said, Sir John, very well said.
John,
very well said.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Prick him. Prick him.
MOULDY MOULDY
100 I was pricked well enough before, an you could have Ive already been pricked well enough, thanks.
let me You could have left me alone. My old ladys in
alone. My old dame will be undone now for one to do trouble now: she wont have anyone to do her
her husbandry or her housework. You didnt have to
husbandry and her drudgery. You need not to have prick me; there are abler men than me.
pricked
me. There are other men fitter to go out than I.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Go to. Peace, Mouldy. You shall go. Mouldy, it is time Thats enough; quiet, Mouldy. Youre going.
105 you were Mouldy, its time you were put to use.
spent.
MOULDY MOLDY
Spent? Put to use?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Peace, fellow, peace. Stand aside. Know you where Quiet, man, quiet. Step aside. Dont you know
you where you are? Now the next, Sir John. Lets see.
are?For th' other, Sir John. Let me see.Simon Simon Shadow!
Shadow!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under. Hes like to Now youre talking. Id like to sit under him. Hell
110 be a be a cool soldier.
cold soldier.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Wheres Shadow? Wheres Shadow?
SHADOW SHADOW
Here, sir. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Shadow, whose son art thou? Shadow, whose son are you?
SHADOW SHADOW
My mothers son, sir. My mothers son, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
115 Thy mothers son! Like enough, and thy fathers Your mothers son? Probably, and you got your
shadow. So fathers name. The womans son is a portrait of
the son of the female is the shadow of the male. It is the father; yes, thats usually the case, though the
often son is little more than a dim copy, without any of
so, indeed, but much of the fathers substance. the fathers true substance.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Do you like him, Sir John? Do you like him, Sir John?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Shadow will serve for summer. Prick him, for we have Shadow will be useful in the summer. Prick him,
120 a too. Well need him, for there are a lot of shadows
number of shadows to fill up the muster book. filling up this roster.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Thomas Wart! Thomas Wart!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Wheres he? Wheres he?
WART WART
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Is thy name Wart? Is your name Wart?
WART WART
125 Yea, sir. Yup.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Thou art a very ragged wart. Youre a pretty ragged wart.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Shall I prick him down, Sir John? Should I prick him on the list, Sir John?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
It were superfluous, for his apparel is built upon his Not necessary. For look: his clothing is just a
back, bunch of pieces sewn together, and his whole
and the whole frame stands upon pins. Prick him no body rests on legs as skinny as pins. Hes been
more. pricked enough by pins and needlesdont prick
him anymore.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
130 Ha, ha, ha. You can do it, sir, you can do it. I Ha, ha, ha! You are funny, sir. You are funny. Ive
commend you got to hand it to you. Francis Feeble!
well.Francis Feeble!
FEEBLE FEEBLE
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What trade art thou, Feeble? What kind of work do you do, Feeble?
FEEBLE FEEBLE
A womans tailor, sir. Im a womans tailor, sir.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
135 Shall I prick him, sir? Should I prick him, sir?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
You may, but if he had been a mans tailor, hed ha' You might as well. But if he had been a mans
pricked tailor, he would have already pricked you with his
you.Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemys pins. Will you make as many holes in the enemys
battle as armor as you have in womens underwear?
thou hast done in a womans petticoat?
FEEBLE FEEBLE
I will do my good will, sir. You can have no more. Ill do my best, sir. I cant do any more.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
140 Well said, good womans tailor, well said, courageous Well said, good womans tailor! Well said,
Feeble. Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove courageous Feeble! Youll be as brave as the
or most angriest dove or the most valiant mouse. Prick the
magnanimous mouse.Prick the womans tailor well, womans tailor. A big one, Master Shallow; a deep
Master Shallow, deep, Master Shallow. one, Master Shallow.
FEEBLE FEEBLE
I would Wart might have gone, sir. I wish Wart were going, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
145 I would thou wert a mans tailor, that thou mightst And I wish you were a mans tailor. You could
mend him have mended his clothes and made him fit to go. I
and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private cant make him a private soldier when hes
soldier already the leader of thousandsof lice, that is.
that is the leader of so many thousands. Let that But never mind, oh forcible Feeble.
suffice, most
forcible Feeble.
FEEBLE FEEBLE
It shall suffice, sir. Never mind, sir.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
150 I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble.Who is next? I like you, good Feeble. Whos next?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Peter Bullcalf o' th' green. Peter Bullcalf from the village green!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Yea, marry, lets see Bullcalf. Oh yeah. Lets see Bullcalf.
BULLCALF BULLCALF
Here, sir. Here, sir!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Fore God, a likely fellow. Come, prick me Bullcalf till My God! What a great man! Prick Bullcalf until he
155 he shouts again.
roar again.
BULLCALF BULLCALF
O Lord, good my lord captain Oh Lord! My lord, good Captain
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked? What, youre yelling before youve even been
pricked?
BULLCALF BULLCALF
O Lord, sir, I am a diseased man. Oh Lord, sir! Im a sick man.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What disease hast thou? What disease do you have?
BULLCALF BULLCALF
160 A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with A nasty cold, sir. A cough, sir. I caught it when I
ringing in the Kings affairs upon his coronation day, was ringing the church bells in honor of the Kings
sir. coro-nation.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown. We will Then youll go to war in a dressing gown. Well get
have rid of your cold, and Ill give orders for some of my
away thy cold, and I will take such order that my men to ring the bells for you while youre
friends away. (to SHALLOW) Is this everybody?
shall ring for thee. (to SHALLOW) Is here all?

SHALLOW SHALLOW
165 Here is two more called than your number. You must Weve got two more here than you need. You can
have have four, sir. Now, come inside and eat lunch
but four here, sir, and so I pray you go in with me to with me.
dinner.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry Ill have a drink with you, but I cant stay to eat.
dinner. I But Im truly glad to see you, Master Shallow.
am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night Oh, Sir John, do you remember the time we spent
170 in the all night in the windmill in St. Georges field?
windmill in Saint Georges Field?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of Dont go there, Master Shallow. Dont go there.
that.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Ha, twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive? Ha! That was a fun night. Is Jane Nightwork still
alive?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
She lives, Master Shallow. Shes alive, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
She never could away with me. She never could stand me.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
175 Never, never; she would always say she could not Never, never. She always said she couldnt stand
abide Master Shallow.
Master Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
By the Mass, I could anger her to th' heart. She was Truly, I could anger her to the core. She was a
then a good-looking wench then. Does she still look
bona roba. Doth she hold her own well? good?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Old, old, Master Shallow. Old, old, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
180 Nay, she must be old. She cannot choose but be old. Well, she must be old. Shes got no choice but to
Certain, be old. Of course shes old. She gave birth to
shes old, and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork Robin Nightwork, the son of old man Nightwork,
before I came to Clements Inn. before I even got to Clements Inn.
SILENCE SILENCE
Thats fifty-five year ago. Thats fifty-five years ago.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this Ha, cousin Silence, if only youd seen what this
185 knight knight and I have seen! Ha! Am I right, Sir John?
and I have seen!Ha, Sir John, said I well?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Weve seen the clock strike midnight, Master
Shallow. Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
That we have, that we have, that we have. In faith, Sir We sure have, we sure have, we sure have. I
John, swear, Sir John, we sure have. Our slogan was
we have. Our watchword was Hem, boys. Come, Down the hatch, boys! Come, lets have lunch,
190 lets to lets have lunch. Jesus, the things weve seen!
dinner; come, lets to dinner. Jesus, the days that we Come, come.
have
seen! Come, come.
Exeunt FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, and SILENCE FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, and SILENCE exit.
BULLCALF BULLCALF
Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend, Good Master Corporate Bardolph, be my friend.
and Here are some French crowns for you, worth
heres four Harry ten-shillings in French crowns for four Harry ten shillings.
you. In Im telling you, sir, Id just as soon be hanged as
195 very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go. And go fight. Its not that I care about my well-being.
yet, for Its just that Im not willing to go, and furthermore,
mine own part, sir, I do not care, but rather because I Id like to stay here with my friends. But really, I
am dont care about myself.
unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to
stay with
my friends. Else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part,
so much.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Go to. Stand aside. Whatever. Stand over there.
MOULDY MOULDY
And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old
dames ladys sake, be my friend. She has nobody here
200 sake, stand my friend. She has nobody to do to help her do anything once Im gone. Shes old
anything about and cant do much by herself. Ill give you forty
her when I am gone, and she is old and cannot help shillings, sir.
herself:
You shall have forty, sir.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Go to. Stand aside. Whatever. Stand over there.
FEEBLE FEEBLE
By my troth, I care not. A man can die but once. We Ill tell you the truth: I dont care one way or the
owe God other. You only die once, and we all owe God a
205 a death. Ill ne'er bear a base mind. An t be my death. I wont do anything underhanded. If its my
destiny, so; fate, its my fate. If not, not. No man is too good to
an t be not, so. No mans too good to serve s prince, serve his country. Whatever happens, happens. If
and let you die this year, youre paid up for next year.
it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for
the
next.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Well said. Th' art a good fellow. Well said. Youre a good man.
FEEBLE FEEBLE
Faith, Ill bear no base mind. Im telling you. I wont do anything underhanded.
Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, and SILENCE FALSTAFF, SHALLOW and SILENCE enter.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
210 Come, sir, which men shall I have? All right, sir. Which men can I have?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Four of which you please. Any four you choose.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Sir, a word with you. (aside to FALSTAFF) I have Sir, may I have a word with you? (whispers
three pound toFALSTAFF) Ive gotten three pounds to free
to free Mouldy and Bullcalf. Mouldy and Bullcalf.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Go to, well. No kidding. Great.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
215 Come, Sir John, which four will you have? Come on, Sir John, which four do you want?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Do you choose for me. You pick.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow. All right, then. Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and
Shadow.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Mouldy and Bullcalf! For you, Mouldy, stay at home Mouldy and Bullcalf. Mouldy, you stay home till
till you youre too old to fight. And as for you, Bullcalf,
220 are past service.And for your part, Bullcalf, grow till wait till youve reached fighting age. I dont want
you either of you.
come unto it. I will none of you.
Exeunt MOULDY and BULLCALF MOULDY and BULLCALF exit.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are Sir John, Sir John. Dont make a mistake. Theyre
your the best men of the bunch, and I want you to have
likeliest men, and I would have you served with the only the best.
best.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a Master Shallow, are you going to tell me how to
man? choose a soldier? Do you think I care about a
225 Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and mans body,
big
assemblance of a man? Give me the spirit, Master
Shallow.
Heres Wart. You see what a ragged appearance it
is. He shall
charge you and discharge you with the motion of a strength, height, bulk, and overall size? Give me
pewterers hammer, come off and on swifter than he his spirit, Master Shallow! Take a look at Wart.
that You see how ragged he looks? He can load and
230 gibbets on the brewers bucket. And this same half- fire steadilyas steadily as a tinsmiths hammer.
faced He can advance and regroup fastfaster than a
fellow, Shadow, give me this man. He presents no brewers delivery pail can be refilled. And this
mark to skinny guy, Shadowgive me this man. He offers
the enemy. The foeman may with as great aim level no target to the enemy. The enemy might as well
235 at the try aiming at a knifes edge. And as for retreating,
edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how swiftly will Feeble, the womans tailor, will run faster than you
this can imagine. Oh, give me the spare men and
Feeble the womans tailor, run off! O, give me the spare me the great ones! Bardolph, give Wart a
spare musket.
men, and spare me the great ones.Put me a
caliver into
Warts hand, Bardolph.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Hold, Wart. Traverse. Thas, thas, thas. Here you go, Wart. Present arms! Right shoulder,
arms! Left shoulder, arms!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Come, manage me your caliver: so, very well, go to, Come on, handle your weapon. Yes, good. Very
very good. Very, very good. Oh, give me a little, skinny,
good, exceeding good. O, give me always a little, old, dried-out, bald rifleman any day. Good job,
240 lean, old, Wart. Youre a good scab of a guy. Wait, heres
chopped, bald shot. Well said, i' faith, Wart. Th' art a a tester for you.
good
scab. Hold, theres a tester for thee.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
He is not his crafts master. He doth not do it right. I Hes no expert. Hes not doing it right. I remember
remember at Mile End Green, when I lay at up at Mile-End Park, when I was at Clements Inn
Clements Inn I played the fool in the archery pageant. There
I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthurs showthere was a was a nimble little guy, and he would handle his
245 little weapon like this, and he would run all over the
quiver fellow, and he would manage you his piece place, and hed charge and charge. Rat-a-tat tat,
thus. And hed say. Bang! hed say. Then hed run away,
he would about and about, and come you in, and then come back. I never saw anybody like him.
come you
in. Rah, tah, tah, would he say. Bounce, would he
say,
and away again would he go, and again would he
come. I
shall ne'er see such a fellow.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
These fellows will do well, Master Shallow.God These guys will be fine, Master Shallow. God
250 keep bless you, Master SilenceI wont say much to
you, Master Silence. I will not use many words with you. Farewell, gentlemen, and thank you. I have
you. to march twelve miles tonight. Bardolph, give the
Fare you well, gentlemen both. I thank you. I must a soldiers uniforms.
dozen
mile to-night.Bardolph, give the soldiers coats.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Sir John, the Lord bless you. God prosper your God bless you, Sir John. May God bring you good
affairs. God luck, and bring us peace. When you come back,
send us peace. At your return, visit our house. Let pay us
our old
255 acquaintance be renewed. Peradventure I will with a visit. Lets renew our old friendship. Maybe Ill
you to even come with you to the royal court!
the court.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Fore God, would you would, Master Shallow. I swear, I wish you would, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Go to. I have spoke at a word. God keep you. I meant what I said. May God keep you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Fare you well, gentle gentlemen. Farewell, gentle gentlemen.
Exeunt SHALLOW and SILENCE SHALLOW and SILENCE exit.
260 On, Bardolph. Lead the men away. March, Bardolph. Lead the men away.
Exeunt BARDOLPH and the recruits BARDOLPH and the recruits exit.
As I return, I will fetch off these justices. I do see the When I come back, Ill expose these judges for
bottom the frauds that they are. I can see through this
of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how subject we old Judge Shallow. Lord, Lord; we old men sure know
men are how to tell lies! This dried-up old judge has done
265 to this vice of lying. This same starved justice hath nothing but go on and on to me about how wild he
done was when he was as a youth, and how many
nothing but prate to me of the wildness of his youth stunts he pulled in the seedy parts of town. Every
and the third word he speaks is a lie, and hell tell lies
feats he hath done about Turnbull Street, and every quicker than a Turk will scramble to pay the
270 third sultan. I remember him at Clements Inn: he
word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turks looked like a man someone carved after dinner
tribute. I out of a scrap of cheese. When he was naked he

do remember him at Clements Inn, like a man made looked like a mandrake root, with a fanciful head
after someone had carved in with a knife. He was so
275 supper of a cheese paring. When he was naked, he skinny that he was invisible to any man with
was, for imperfect vision; he truly was the embodiment of
all the world, like a forked radish with a head starvation. But he was as horny as a monkey: the
fantastically whores called him mandrake, because
carved upon it with a knife. He was so forlorn that his mandrake stimulates the sex drive. He was
dimensions to any thick sight were invincible. He was always a little bit behind the times. He would hear
the the wagon drivers sing their songs, and then hed
very genius of famine, yet lecherous as a monkey, go to his worn-out whores and sing them what
and the hed heard, pretending he had written them
whores called him mandrake. He came ever in the himself. And now this vile stick has become a
rearward of the fashion, and sung those tunes to the landowner, and he talks about John of Gaunt like
overscutched huswives that he heard the carmen he was his own brother. I swear, he only saw
whistle, Gaunt
and swore they were his fancies or his good-nights.
And now is this Vices dagger become a squire, and
talks as
familiarly of John o' Gaunt as if he had been sworn
brother
to him, and Ill be sworn he ne'er saw him but once in
the
280 tilt-yard, and then he burst his head for crowding once, and that was in the arena at the jousting
among the tournament; John of Gaunt cut Shallows head
Marshals men. I saw it and told John o' Gaunt he with his sword. I saw it all, and I told John of
beat his Gaunt that he had beaten his own name, since
own name, for you might have thrust him and all his Shallow was such a gaunt man back then. You
285 apparel could fit him and all his clothes into the skin an
into an eel-skin; the case of a treble hautboy was a eel sheds. An instrument case was as huge as a
mansion mansion to him, as big as a courtroom. Now he
for him, a court. And now has he land and beefs. has land and livestock. Well, Ill be his friend if I
Well, Ill come back. He wont like it, but Ill turn him into
be acquainted with him, if I return, and t shall go an unending source of wealth for myself. If small
hard but fish can be bait for big fish, I see no reason why I
Ill make him a philosophers two stones to me. If the cant snap my jaws at Shallow. Time will tell, and
young thats all I have to say about that.
dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the
law of
nature but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and
there an
end.
Exit He exits.
Act 4, Scene 1
Enter the ARCHBISHOP of ARCHBISHOP of York, MOWBRAY, HASTINGS,

York, MOWBRAY,HASTINGS, and others and others enter.
What is this forest called? Whats the name of this forest?
HASTINGS HASTINGS
'Tis Gaultree Forest, an t shall please your Grace. Gaultree Forest, your grace.
Here stand, my lords, and send discoverers forth Stop here, sirs. Send out scouts to find out how
To know the numbers of our enemies. many soldiers our enemy has.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
5 We have sent forth already. Weve already done that.
'Tis well done. Well done. My friends and brothers in this great
My friends and brethren in these great affairs, undertaking, I have to share with you that Ive
I must acquaint you that I have received received new letters from Northumberland. They
New-dated letters from Northumberland, have a chilling purpose, tone, and content. He
Their cold intent, tenor, and substance, thus: says that he wishes he could be here in person,
10 Here doth he wish his person, with such powers with an army as strong someone of his rank
As might hold sortance with his quality, should have, but he couldnt raise one. So hes
The which he could not levy; whereupon going to go to Scotland to increase his power. He
He is retired, to ripe his growing fortunes, prays that your armies will prevail against the
To Scotland, and concludes in hearty prayers terrible power of the enemy.
15 That your attempts may overlive the hazard
And fearful melting of their opposite.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Thus do the hopes we have in him touch ground And with that, any hope we had for him is thrown
And dash themselves to pieces. to the ground and dashed to pieces.
Enter a MESSENGER A MESSENGER enters.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
Now, what news? Whats happening?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
West of this forest, scarcely off a mile, The enemy is west of this forest, and less than a
20 In goodly form comes on the enemy, mile away. They look powerful, and, from the
And, by the ground they hide, I judge their number amount of space theyre taking up, Id say they
Upon or near the rate of thirty thousand. have close to thirty thousand soldiers.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
The just proportion that we gave them out. Thats exactly the number we thought they had.
Let us sway on and face them in the field. Lets march ahead and engage them in battle.
Enter WESTMORELAND WESTMORELAND enters.
25 What well-appointed leader fronts us here? Whos this well-equipped leader coming here to
confront us?
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
I think it is my Lord of Westmoreland. I think its Lord Westmoreland.
WESTMORELAND WESTMORELAND
Health and fair greeting from our general, Our general, the Prince Lord John of Lancaster,
The Prince Lord John and Duke of Lancaster. sends greetings and wishes you good health.
Say on, my Lord of Westmoreland, in peace, Speak in peace, Lord Westmoreland. Whats the
30 What doth concern your coming. reason youve come here?
Then, my lord, The most important part of my message is for you,
Unto your Grace do I in chief address your grace. You, who are a holy man, and these
The substance of my speech. If that rebellion good gentlemen as wellyou would not be here,
Came like itself, in base and abject routs, lending dignity to this bloody insurrection, if it
Led on by bloody youth, guarded with rage, appeared as rebellion normally does: like a
35 And countenanced by boys and beggary lowborn mob, led by bloody youths uniformed in
I say, if damnd commotion so appeared rags, and supported by boys and beggars.
In his true, native, and most proper shape,
You, reverend father, and these noble lords
Had not been here to dress the ugly form
40 Of base and bloody insurrection
With your fair honors. You, Lord Archbishop, You, Lord Archbishopwhose diocese is peaceful
Whose see is by a civil peace maintained, and law-abiding; whose beard has turned white,
Whose beard the silver hand of peace hath touched, signifying a peaceful life; whose education and
Whose learning and good letters peace hath tutored, learning are the products of peaceful times; who is
45 Whose white investments figure innocence, the dove and very blessed embodiment of peace
The dove and very blessd spirit of peace, why are you translating yourself from the
Wherefore do you so ill translate yourself graceful language of peace into the harsh, violent
Out of the speech of peace, that bears such grace, language of war? Youre turning your books into
Into the harsh and boist'rous tongue of war, coffins, your ink into blood, your pens into swords,
50 Turning your books to graves, your ink to blood, and your holy words into a trumpet that sounds a
Your pens to lances, and your tongue divine call to arms.
To a trumpet and a point of war?
Wherefore do I this? So the question stands. Why am I doing this? That is the question. The
Briefly, to this end: we are all diseased, short answer is this: were all sick. Weve eaten
55 And with our surfeiting and wanton hours and drunk too much and stayed up all night, and
Have brought ourselves into a burning fever, now we have a burning fever whose only cure is
And we must bleed for it; of which disease bloodletting. Richard, our late King, was infected
Our late King Richard, being infected, died. with this disease and died from it. But, my good
But, my most noble Lord of Westmoreland, Lord Westmoreland, Im not here as a physician,
60 I take not on me here as a physician, nor am I marching with this army as an enemy of
Nor do I as an enemy to peace peace. What Im doing is making a frightening
Troop in the throngs of military men, show of war, to stop people from indulging all their
But rather show awhile like fearful war vices. This will clear the hardening of the arteries
To diet rank minds sick of happiness which threatens to kill us all. Let me speak more
65 And purge th' obstructions which begin to stop plainly. Ive carefully considered the options,
Our very veins of life. Hear me more plainly. weighing the harm our armies are likely to cause
I have in equal balance justly weighed against the harm were already suffering, and I find
What wrongs our arms may do, what wrongs we that our grievances are stronger than our
suffer, offenses. We can see where things are headed,
70 And find our griefs heavier than our offenses. and the rough times ahead leave us with no
We see which way the stream of time doth run choice but to step away from our quiet lives. We
And are enforced from our most quiet there have a list of grievances which we can publish at
By the rough torrent of occasion, the appropriate time. We offered that list to the
And have the summary of all our griefs, King a long time ago, but we could never get an
75 When time shall serve, to show in articles; audience with him.
Which long ere this we offered to the King
And might by no suit gain our audience. We were wronged, and when we tried to speak to
When we are wronged and would unfold our griefs, the King about it, we were denied access to him
We are denied access unto his person by the very men who had wronged us most.
Even by those men that most have done us wrong. Were in this seemingly unbefitting armor because
80 The dangers of the days but newly gone, of the terrible recent violencethe bloodshed
Whose memory is written on the earth from which is still visible on the groundand
With yet appearing blood, and the examples because of the terrible things happening now,
Of every minutes instance, present now, every minute. We dont want to harm peace in any
Hath put us in these ill-beseeming arms, way. We want instead to establish a peace thats
85 Not to break peace or any branch of it, real and meaningful.
But to establish here a peace indeed,
Concurring both in name and quality.
When ever yet was your appeal denied? When was your request to see the King denied?
Wherein have you been galld by the King? How has the king harmed you? What lord in the
90 What peer hath been suborned to grate on you, Kings court has been sent out to do you wrong?
That you should seal this lawless bloody book And why would you put your holy stamp of
Of forged rebellion with a seal divine approval on an illegal uprising and give religious
And consecrate commotions bitter edge? blessing to a violent civil war?
My brother general, the commonwealth, The grievances borne by my fellow Englishmen,

95 To brother born an household cruelty, and the cruel murder of Scroop, my own brother:
I make my quarrel in particular. these are the reasons Ive made this fight my
own.
There is no need of any such redress, Theres no need for any repayment like that; and
Or if there were, it not belongs to you. even if there were, you should not be the person
to benefit.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Why not to him in part, and to us all Why shouldnt he benefit at least a little? Why
100 That feel the bruises of the days before shouldnt we all benefit, who suffered in these
And suffer the condition of these times recent battles, and who have allowed our honor to
To lay a heavy and unequal hand be damaged by the terrible things happening
Upon our honors? now?
O, my good Lord Mowbray, Oh, my good Lord Mowbray, if you think about
Construe the times to their necessities, what is necessary in times of war, youll see that it
is the situation
105 And you shall say indeed it is the time, that harms you, and not the King himself. But as
And not the King, that doth you injuries. for you in particular, it seems to me that you have
Yet for your part, it not appears to me no foundation on which to build a quarrel with
Either from the King or in the present time either the King or your current situation. Wasnt
That you should have an inch of any ground the entire estate of the Duke of Norfolk, your
110 To build a grief on. Were you not restored father, just given back to you?
To all the Duke of Norfolks seigniories,
Your noble and right well remembered fathers?
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
What thing, in honor, had my father lost, What did my father lose that I now need to
That need to be revived and breathed in me? restore? Richard, the King at the time, loved my
115 The King that loved him, as the state stood then, father, but given what was happening he had no
Was force perforce compelled to banish him, choice but to banish him. And then, at Coventry,
And then that Harry Bolingbroke and he, my father and Harry Bolingbroke met in a
Being mounted and both rousd in their seats, formalchallenge. They were both mounted on
Their neighing coursers daring of the spur, their horses and ready to charge. Their horses
120 Their armd staves in charge, their beavers down, were neighing, anxiously waiting for their riders'
Their eyes of fire sparking through sights of steel spurs to drive them forward. Their steel-tipped
And the loud trumpet blowing them together, lances were ready for the attack. The visors of
Then, then, when there was nothing could have their helmets were down. Their eyes were on fire
stayed behind the steel slits. The trumpet sounded, and
125 My father from the breast of Bolingbroke, thenwhen there was nothing that could have
O, when the King did throw his warder down stopped my father from killing Bolingbrokethe
His own life hung upon the staff he threw King prevented the fight by throwing down his
Then threw he down himself and all their lives royal scepter. That scepter was a symbol of his
That by indictment and by dint of sword life; when he threw it down, he threw down his life
Have since miscarried under Bolingbroke. and the lives of every man that has since died at
war under the leadership of Bolingbroke.
130 You speak, Lord Mowbray, now you know not what. You dont know what youre talking about, Lord
The Earl of Hereford was reputed then Mowbray. Bolingbroke at the time was considered
In England the most valiant gentleman. the bravest gentleman in England. Who knows
Who knows on whom fortune would then have who would have won that fight? But even if your
smiled? father had won, he never would have made it out
135 But if your father had been victor there, of Coventry. The whole country hated him, and
He ne'er had borne it out of Coventry; they loved and prayed for Bolingbroke.
For all the country in a general voice
Cried hate upon him; and all their prayers and love
Were set on Hereford, whom they doted on They blessed him and adored him even more
And blessed and graced, indeed more than the King. than the King. But I digress. I was sent here by
140 But this is mere digression from my purpose. our general, the Prince, to hear your grievances,
Here come I from our princely general and to tell you that hes prepared to listen to you.
To know your griefs, to tell you from his Grace If it appears that your demands are legitimate,
That he will give you audience; and wherein hell give you what you wantexcept for those
It shall appear that your demands are just, things which might suggest that youre his
145 You shall enjoy them, everything set off enemies.
That might so much as think you enemies.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
But he hath forced us to compel this offer; But hes made us force him to listen to us. His
And it proceeds from policy, not love. offer isnt motivated by love; its a political move.
Mowbray, you overween to take it so. Mowbray, youre out of line to think that. His offer
150 This offer comes from mercy, not from fear. is made out of mercy, not fear. Just look, you can
For, lo, within a ken our army lies, see our army from here. I give you my word of
Upon mine honor, all too confident honor: that army is so confident, it wont even
To give admittance to a thought of fear. allow the thought of fear to enter. Our army has
Our battle is more full of names than yours, more important people than yours, and better
155 Our men more perfect in the use of arms, soldiers; our armor is every bit as strong as yours,
Our armor all as strong, our cause the best. and our cause is better. Its only logical that we
Then reason will our hearts should be as good. should be as courageous as you are. So dont say
Say you not then our offer is compelled. youve forced the Prince to do anything at all.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Well, by my will, we shall admit no parley. Well, I say we wont agree to any conference.
160 That argues but the shame of your offense. That just proves that what youre doing here is
A rotten case abides no handling. shameful. A rotten container falls apart at the
touch; likewise, a rotten cause cannot withstand
scrutiny and argument.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
Hath the Prince John a full commission, Has the King given Prince John his full
In very ample virtue of his father, authorization to listen to our complaint, and
To hear and absolutely to determine address it in any way the Prince sees fit?
165 Of what conditions we shall stand upon?
That is intended in the Generals name. That goes without saying. Im amazed youd even
I muse you make so slight a question. ask such a foolish question.
Then take, my Lord of Westmoreland, this schedule, Then, Lord Westmoreland, take this document. It
For this contains our general grievances. lists our grievances. If each complaint listed here
170 Each several article herein redressed, is addressed, and if everyone on our side, both
All members of our cause, both here and hence, here and elsewhere, is granted a full pardon and
That are insinewed to this action, immediate satisfaction of our demands, then well
Acquitted by a true substantial form return to our own boundaries again and work
And present execution of our wills together for the cause of peace.
175 To us and to our purposes confined,
We come within our awful banks again
And knit our powers to the arm of peace.
This will I show the General. Please you, lords, Ill show this to the general. Please, lets meet at a
In sight of both our battles we may meet, place where both our armies can see us. Then
180 And either end in peace, which God so frame, either let our talks end in peaceGod willing!or
Or to the place of difference call the swords let us take the fight to the battlefield where it will
Which must decide it. be decided.
My lord, we will do so. My lord, we will do so.
Exit WESTMORELAND WESTMORELAND exits.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
There is a thing within my bosom tells me Something in my heart tells me that no peace we
That no conditions of our peace can stand. agree to could possibly last.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
185 Fear you not that. If we can make our peace Dont worry about that. If we can come to terms
Upon such large terms and so absolute that are as comprehensive as the ones were
As our conditions shall consist upon, insisting upon, then the peace will be as durable
Our peace shall stand as firm as rocky mountains. as rocky mountains.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Yea, but our valuation shall be such Yes, but in the future the King will think so poorly
190 That every slight and false-derivd cause, of us that every little slight, every false
Yea, every idle, nice, and wanton reason, accusation, every tiny, silly, frivolous thing will
Shall to the King taste of this action, seem to him to be a revival of this rebellion. Even
if we were as devoted to the King as martyrs are
to their causes, hell regard us so skeptically that
even the good things we do for him
That, were our royal faiths martyrs in love, wont count; he wont be able to distinguish them
We shall be winnowed with so rough a wind from the bad.
195 That even our corn shall seem as light as chaff
And good from bad find no partition.
No, no, my lord. Note this: the King is weary No, no, sir. Listen, the king is tired of getting upset
Of dainty and such picking grievances, over every little thing. Hes discovered that ending
For he hath found to end one doubt by death one problem by killing someone only creates two
200 Revives two greater in the heirs of life; bigger problems in the people left alive. So from
And therefore will he wipe his tables clean now on, hell wipe his memory clean, and forget
And keep no telltale to his memory anything that might remind him of the bad things
That may repeat and history his loss from his past. He knows that he cant just
To new remembrance. For full well he knows eliminate every single opponent who crops up.
205 He cannot so precisely weed this land His enemies are rooted in with his friends, to the
As his misdoubts present occasion; extent that, if he tries to pull up an enemy, hell
His foes are so enrooted with his friends also uproot and discard a friend. This countrys
That, plucking to unfix an enemy, like a misbehaving wife, who, just when her
He doth unfasten so and shake a friend; husband is about to hit her, holds his baby up,
210 So that this land, like an offensive wife and freezes the intended punishment in the very
That hath enraged him on to offer strokes, arm that was poised to apply it.
As he is striking holds his infant up
And hangs resolved correction in the arm
That was upreared to execution.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
215 Besides, the King hath wasted all his rods Besides, the King has expended all his energy for
On late offenders, that he now doth lack punishment on the recent rebellion. He has
The very instruments of chastisement, nothing left to punish with. His power is like a lion
So that his power, like to a fangless lion, with no teeth: it can threaten, but it cant do any
May offer but not hold. harm.
'Tis very true, Thats true. Rest assured, my good Lord Marshal,
220 And therefore be assured, my good Lord Marshal, if our reconciliation is sincere, then peace will be
If we do now make our atonement well, like a broken bone, which grows stronger for
Our peace will, like a broken limb united, having once been broken.
Grow stronger for the breaking.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Be it so. I hope so. Lord Westmoreland is back.
Here is returned my Lord of Westmoreland.
225 The Prince is here at hand. Pleaseth your lordship The Prince is nearby. If you will, please meet him
To meet his Grace just distance tween our armies. at a spot halfway between our two armies.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Your Grace of York, in Gods name then set forward. Your grace, Archbishop of York, go forward in
Gods name.
Before, and greet his Grace. Lead on, and greet his
(toWESTMORELAND) My lord, highness. (toWESTMORELAND) Sir, were on our
we come. way.
The ARCHBISHOP, MOWBRAY, YORK,HASTINGS The ARCHBISHOP, MOWBRAY, YORK,HASTIN
and the others go forward GS, and the others cross the stage.
Enter Prince John of LANCASTER and officers with Prince John of LANCASTER enters, with officers.
him
LANCASTER LANCASTER
You are well encountered here, my cousin Mowbray. Im glad to see you, my cousin Mowbray. Good
230 day to you, gentle Archbishop, and to you, Lord
Good day to you, gentle Lord Archbishop, Hastings, and to all. Lord Archbishop, it was better
And so to you, Lord Hastings, and to all. to see you when worshipperscalled together by
My Lord of York, it better showed with you the church bellsurrounded you to hear Biblical
When that your flock, assembled by the bell, sermons than it is to see you here, in armor;
235 Encircled you to hear with reverence cheering a mob of rebels with your war drums,
Your exposition on the holy text turning your words to weapons, and your life into
Than now to see you here, an iron man talking, death.
Cheering a rout of rebels with your drum, When a man is close to the Kings heart, and
Turning the word to sword, and life to death. grows strong under the Kings protection, only to
240 That man that sits within a monarchs heart turn against himalas! What evils that man will
And ripens in the sunshine of his favor, unleash, hidden from view by the Kings own
Would he abuse the countenance of the King, reputation! This is exactly how it is with you, Lord
Alack, what mischiefs might he set abroach Bishop.
In shadow of such greatness! With you, Lord Bishop, Who hasnt heard how profound your religious
knowledge is? To us, you were our representative
in Gods own parliament. To us, you might as well
have been
It is even so. Who hath not heard it spoken Gods own voice: the interpreter and ambassador
245 How deep you were within the books of God, between Gods heavenly ways and our own dull,
To us the speaker in His parliament, mortal actions. And now, who would say anything
To us th' imagined voice of God himself, but that you are abusing the holiness of your
The very opener and intelligencer position, using the outward show of godliness to
Between the grace, the sanctities, of heaven, do terrible things, like a treacherous courtier uses
250 And our dull workings? O, who shall believe the Kings good name? You have pretended to be
But you misuse the reverence of your place, acting in Gods name as you encourage the
Employ the countenance and grace of heaven subjects of Gods deputy, my father, to rise up
As a false favorite doth his princes name, against the peace of both heaven and the King.
In deeds dishonorable? You have ta'en up,
255 Under the counterfeited zeal of God,
The subjects of His substitute, my father,
And both against the peace of heaven and him
Have here up-swarmed them.
Good my Lord of Lancaster, Good Lord of Lancaster, I am not here as an
260 I am not here against your fathers peace, enemy your fathers peace. But, as I told
But, as I told my Lord of Westmoreland, Westmoreland, these tumultuous times have
The time misordered doth, in common sense, forced us to behave in these monstrous ways, out
Crowd us and crush us to this monstrous form of common sense and a regard for our own
To hold our safety up. I sent your Grace safety. I sent you a detailed list of our grievances,
265 The parcels and particulars of our grief, but you angrily shoved it aside. Thats why
The which hath been with scorn shoved from the this Hydra of a war has broken out. You can get
court, rid of it by agreeing to the just and right things we
Whereon this Hydra son of war is born, demand. If you do that, this disease of war will be
Whose dangerous eyes may well be charmed asleep cured, and the monster will bow at your feet, tame
270 With grant of our most just and right desires, and obedient.
And true obedience, of this madness cured,
Stoop tamely to the foot of majesty.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
If not, we ready are to try our fortunes If you dont, were ready to fight to the last man.
To the last man.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
And though we here fall down, And if those of us who are here should fail, we
We have supplies to second our attempt; have reinforcements standing by. If they fail, they
275 If they miscarry, theirs shall second them, have reinforcements to back them up,
And so success of mischief shall be born, and in this way the fight will go on from father to
And heir from heir shall hold this quarrel up son for all time until England itself has no more
Whiles England shall have generation. new generations.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
You are too shallow, Hastings, much too shallow Youre not wise enough, Hastings, not wise
280 To sound the bottom of the after-times. enough at all to see into eternity.
Pleaseth your Grace to answer them directly Your highness, why not tell them directly what you
How far forth you do like their articles. think of their list of grievances.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
I like them all, and do allow them well, I agree with all of them, and I admit that theyre
And swear here by the honor of my blood, legitimate. I swear, on my familys honor: my
285 My fathers purposes have been mistook, fathers intentions have been misunderstood, and
And some about him have too lavishly some of his subordinates have overstepped their
Wrested his meaning and authority. authority in executing his orders.
(to ARCHBISHOP) My lord, these griefs shall be with (to ARCHBISHOP) Sir, we will make good on the
speed redressed; wrongs that have been done to you, I swear on
290 Upon my soul, they shall. If this may please you, my soul. If this pleases you, then disperse your
Discharge your powers unto their several counties, armies and send them back where they came
As we will ours, and here, between the armies, from; we shall do the same. And here, where both
Lets drink together friendly and embrace, armies can see us, well embrace and drink a
That all their eyes may bear those tokens home friendly toast to one another. The soldiers will go
Of our restord love and amity. home with evidence that were friends once again.
295 I take your princely word for these redresses. Ill take your word as a prince that youll make
good on these things.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
I give it you, and will maintain my word, I give you my word, and Ill keep it. And with that, I
And thereupon I drink unto your Grace. drink a toast to you.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
Go, captain, and deliver to the army Go, captain. Tell the army this news of peace. Pay
This news of peace. Let them have pay, and part. them, and send them away. I know it will make
300 I know it will well please them. Hie thee, captain. them happy. Hurry, captain.
Exit officer An officer exits.
To you, my noble Lord of Westmoreland. Heres to you, good Lord Westmoreland.
I pledge your Grace, and if you knew what pains I drink to your grace. If you knew how hard Ive
I have bestowed to breed this present peace, worked to bring about this peaceful resolution,
You would drink freely. But my love to you youd really drink up. But my love for you will be
305 Shall show itself more openly hereafter. more apparent from now on.
I do not doubt you. I dont doubt it.
I am glad of it. Im glad. And heres to your health, my gentle
Health to my lord and gentle cousin, Mowbray. cousin Lord Mowbray.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
You wish me health in very happy season, You wish me good health at a very good moment,
For I am on the sudden something ill. because for some reason Im suddenly feeling ill.
310 Against ill chances men are ever merry, Men are always merry in the face of bad
But heaviness foreruns the good event. situations, but a heavy heart predicts a happy
event.
Therefore be merry, coz; since sudden sorrow So be happy, kinsman. A sudden feeling of
Serves to say thus: Some good thing comes melancholy is just a sign that says, Something
tomorrow. good is coming tomorrow.
Believe me, I am passing light in spirit. Believe me, Im in really good spirits.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
315 So much the worse if your own rule be true. Which is not a good thing, if your own rule is
correct.
Shouts within Shouts are heard ofstage.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
The word of peace is rendered. Hark how they shout. The news of peace has been announced. Listen
to them shout!
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
This had been cheerful after victory. They sound like they are cheering a victory.
A peace is of the nature of a conquest, Peace is a victory of sorts: both sides stop
For then both parties nobly are subdued, fighting honorably, but neither loses.
320 And neither party loser.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
Go, my lord, Go and disperse our army, too, Lord
And let our army be dischargd too. Westmoreland.
And, good my lord, so please you, let our trains Good Archbishop, lets have both our troops
March by us, that we may peruse the men march past us here so that we can see the men
We should have coped withal. we would have fought against.
Go, good Lord Hastings, Go, Lord Hastings, and have them march past
325 And ere they be dismissed, let them march by. before theyre dismissed.
Exit HASTINGS HASTINGS exits.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
I trust, lords, we shall lie tonight together. I hope, sirs, that well spend tonight in the same
camp.
Now, cousin, wherefore stands our army still? Cousin, why is our army still standing?
The leaders, having charge from you to stand, The leaders have orders from you to stand fast,
Will not go off until they hear you speak. and they wont disperse until they hear you give
the order.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
330 They know their duties. They know how to follow orders.
Enter HASTINGS HASTINGS enters.
HASTINGS HASTINGS
My lord, our army is dispersed already. Our army is already dispersed. Theyve headed
Like youthful steers unyoked, they take their courses off to the east, west, north, and south like young
East, west, north, south, or, like a school broke up, bulls whose yokes have been removed. The men
Each hurries toward his home and sporting-place. are like children after school, each hurrying
toward their homes or the playground.
335 Good tidings, my Lord Hastings, for the which Thats good news, Lord Hastings. And hearing it, I
I do arrest thee, traitor, of high treason. now arrest you, traitor, for high treason. And you,
And you, Lord Archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray, Archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray. I arrest you
Of capital treason I attach you both. both for capital treason.
MOWBRAY MOWBRAY
Is this proceeding just and honorable? Is this action just and honorable?
340 Is your assembly so? Was your rebellion just and honorable?
Will you thus break your faith? Will you break faith with us like this?
LANCASTER LANCASTER
I pawned thee none. I never promised you my faith. I promised to make
I promised you redress of these same grievances good on the grievances you complained of. And,
Whereof you did complain, which, by mine honor, on my honor, I will do that as carefully as
I will perform with a most Christian care. possible. But now, you rebels will get exactly what
345 But for you rebels, look to taste the due you deserve for the things youve done. You
Meet for rebellion and such acts as yours. raised armies over nothing, brought them here
Most shallowly did you these arms commence, stupidly, and then foolishly sent them away. Bang
Fondly brought here, and foolishly sent hence. on our drums! Capture the soldiers who are
Strike up our drums; pursue the scattered stray. scattering away. God, not we, has fought today
350 God, and not we, hath safely fought today. and won. Guards, escort these traitors to the
Some guard these traitors to the block of death, place of their death. Thats where treason
Treasons true bed and yielder-up of breath. belongs, and where theyll draw their last breath.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 4, Scene 2
Alarum. Excursions. Calls to arms are sounded. Soldiers cross the

Enter FALSTAFF andCOLEVILE, meeting stage. FALSTAFF and COLEVILE enter and
confront one another.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Whats your name, sir? Of what condition are you, Whats your name, sir? Whats your rank, and
and of where are you from?
what place, I pray?
COLEVILE COLEVILLE
I am a knight, sir, and my name is Colevile of the I am a knight, sir. My name is Coleville of the
Dale. Valley.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Well, then, Colevile is your name, a knight is your Well, then, Coleville is your name, your rank is
5 degree, knight, and the valley is where youre from.
and your place the Dale. Colevile shall be still your Coleville will still be your name now that traitor is
name, a your rank, and the dungeon is where youll be. Its
traitor your degree, and the dungeon your place, a a place so deep that youll still be in a kind of
place deep valley.
enough so shall you be still Colevile of the Dale.
COLEVILE COLEVILLE
Are not you Sir John Falstaff? Arent you Sir John Falstaff?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do ye yield, Im as good a man as Falstaff, whoever I am. Will
10 sir, or you surrender? Or am I going to have to break a
shall I sweat for you? If I do sweat, they are the drops sweat making you surrender? If I sweat, the drops
of thy will be the tears of your loved ones, weeping over
lovers and they weep for thy death. Therefore rouse your death. So youd better get scared and start to
up fear shake, and start praying to me for mercy.
and trembling, and do observance to my mercy.
COLEVILE COLEVILLE
I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that thought I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and so I
yield surrender.
me.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
15 I have a whole school of tongues in this belly of mine, My enormous belly can speak in many languages,
and not a tongue of them all speaks any other word and each language proclaims my name and my
but my name. An I had but a belly of any indifferency, name alone. If I had a moderately sized belly, all
I were simply the most active fellow in Europe. My Id be is an anonymous but very successful
womb, my womb, my womb undoes me. Here comes soldier. But my belly, my belly, my belly blows my
our general. cover. Here comes the general.
Enter Prince John John

of LANCASTER,WESTMORELAND, BLUNT, and of LANCASTER, WESTMORELAND,BLUNT,
others and others enter.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
The heat is past. Follow no further now. The dangers over: lets stop here.
A retreat is sounded. The trumpets sound a retreat.
Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland. Call off the operation, Westmoreland.
Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while? Falstaff, where have you been all this time? When
When everything is ended, then you come. everything is over, thats when you start. This habit
20 These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life, of laziness of yours will bust a gallows to bits one
One time or other break some gallows' back. of these days, mark my words.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus. I never Im sorry to hear you say that: I never realized that
knew brave behavior should be rewarded with scolding
yet but rebuke and check was the reward of valor. Do and admonishing. Do you think Im a bird, or an
25 you arrow, or a bullet? With this old, broken-down
think me a swallow, an arrow, or a bullet? Have I in my body, do you think I can move as fast as thought?
poor Ive gotten here as fast as humanly possible. Ive
and old motion the expedition of thought? I have burned out more than 180 horses, andeven
speeded though Im spent from all that travelIve
30 hither with the very extremest inch of possibility. I managed, with my extraordinary bravery, to
have capture Sir John Coleville of the Valley, a brave
foundered ninescore and odd posts, and here, travel- knight and terrible enemy. But so what? He simply
tainted saw me and surrendered. So I can say, just like
as I am, have in my pure and immaculate valor taken Julius Caesar, that I came, I saw, I conquered.
Sir
John Colevile of the Dale, a most furious knight and
valorous enemy. But what of that? He saw me and
yielded,
that I may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of
Rome,
There, cousin, I came, saw, and overcame.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
It was more of his courtesy than your deserving. He was just being polite; its not as if you did
something to deserve it.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I know not. Here he is, and here I yield him. And I I dont know about that. Here he is: I turn him over
35 beseech to you. Please, sir, have it added to the record of
your Grace let it be booked with the rest of this days things accomplished today. If you dont, Ill have a
deeds, ballad printed about it, with a picture of Coleville
or, by the Lord, I will have it in a particular ballad else, kissing my foot on the cover. And if Im forced to
with do that, and I
mine own picture on the top on t, Colevile kissing my
foot;
to the which course if I be enforced, if you do not all
show

like gilt twopences to me, and I in the clear sky of dont make you look like counterfeits next to me,
fame o'ershine you as much as the full moon doth the and if my fame doesnt outshine yours like the full
cinders of the element (which show like pins' heads to moon outshines the stars (which look like pin
her), believe not the word of the noble. Therefore let pricks in the sky next to the moon)well then, you
me have right, and let desert mount. can call me a liar. Now give me what I deserve,
and let my merits mount on top of each other, in a
great pile.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
40 Thines too heavy to mount. Your pile would be too heavy for me to bear.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Let it shine, then. Let my merits shine, then.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
Thines too thick to shine. Youre too dense to shine.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me Then let it do something that will do me good,
good, and whatever you want to call it.
call it what you will.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
45 Is thy name Colevile? Is your name Coleville?
COLEVILE COLEVILLE
It is, my lord. It is, sir.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
A famous rebel art thou, Colevile. Youre a famous rebel, Coleville.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
And a famous true subject took him. And a famous and loyal subject captured him.
COLEVILE COLEVILLE
I am, my lord, but as my betters are Im now in the same situation as my superiors,
That led me hither. Had they been ruled by me, who led me here. But if I had been in charge, your
50 You should have won them dearer than you have. victory would have cost you more than it has.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I know not how they sold themselves, but thou, like a I dont know how much your superiors cost us, but
kind fellow, gavest thyself away gratis, and I thank you, like a generous man, gave yourself away for
thee for thee. free, and I thank you for it.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
Now, have you left pursuit? Have you called off the troops?
Retreat is made and execution stayed. The order to pull back has been given, and the
slaughter has been stopped.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
Send Colevile with his confederates Send Coleville and his confederates to York, to be
55 To York, to present execution. put to death immediately. Blunt, lead him away,
Blunt, lead him hence, and see you guard him sure. and guard him carefully.
Exeunt BLUNT with COLEVILE BLUNT exits with COLEVILLE.
And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords. And now, lets get going back to the royal court: I
I hear the King my father is sore sick. understand that the King, my father, is gravely ill.
Our news shall go before us to his Majesty, Send news of our victory ahead of
60 (to WESTMORELAND) Which, cousin, you shall bear us. (toWESTMORELAND) You, cousin, will bring
to comfort him this news and comfort him with it. Well follow
him, you as quickly as we can.
And we with sober speed will follow you.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord, I beseech you give me leave to go through Sir, please give me permission to go via
Gloucestershire, and, when you come to court, stand Gloucestershire. When you get to the court,
my please vouch for my good work here.
good lord, pray, in your good report.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
65 Fare you well, Falstaff. I, in my condition, Goodbye, Falstaff. By speaking on your behalf as
Shall better speak of you than you deserve. a prince, Ill be speaking better of you than you
deserve.
Exeunt all but FALSTAFF Everyone exits except FALSTAFF.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I would you had but the wit; twere better than your I wish you had the wit to accomplish that: it would
dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-blooded be worth all your land. My goodness, this young,
boy serious-minded boy doesnt like me, and no one
70 doth not love me, nor a man cannot make him laugh. can make him laugh. But I guess thats not
But surprising; after all, he doesnt drink any wine.
thats no marvel; he drinks no wine. Theres never None of those prim boys ever amount to anything:
none of weak beer and too many fish dinners makes their
these demure boys come to any proof, for thin drink blood cool. They all turn anemic, like young girls.
75 doth so And then, when they finally get married, they can
overcool their blood, and making many fish meals, only father girls because they dont have the stuff
that they to produce sons. Non-drinkers are all generally
fall into a kind of male green-sickness, and then, fools and cowards. The rest of us would probably
when they be
marry, they get wenches. They are generally fools and
cowards, which some of us should be too, but for
inflammation.
A good sherris sack hath a two-fold operation in it. It the same way, except that were always drunk. A
ascends me into the brain, dries me there all the good sherry wine operates in two ways. First, it
foolish and rises into the brain and dries out all the foolish,
80 dull and crury vapors which environ it, makes it dull, clogged-up fogs that have gathered there. It
apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full of nimble, fiery, makes the brain sharp, quick, and inventive; full of
and nimble, fiery, and beautiful ideas. The voice and

delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the voice, tongue give birth to those ideas which, when they
the grow up, become excellent wit. The second power
85 tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit. The of good wine is the warming of the blood. Before
second property of your excellent sherris is the wine, the blood is cold and sluggish, and this
warming of makes the liverthe organ of passionchilly and
the blood, which, before cold and settled, left the liver pale. A chilly, pale liver is the sign of cowardice
white and faint-heartedness. But wine warms the blood,
90 and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity and making it course from the inner organs to all the
cowardice. extremities. The blood brightens the face, and the
But the sherris warms it and makes it course from the rest of the bodywhich is like a little kingdom in
inwards to the parts' extremes. It illumineth the face, itselftakes that brightening as a signal. Then
which the spirits of the blood and all the internal organs
95 as a beacon gives warning to all the rest of this little gather together behind their captain: the heart.
kingdom, man, to arm; and then the vital commoners The heart draws strength from these followers
and and, enlarged by them, can accomplish any
inland petty spirits muster me all to their captain, the courageous deed. This is the bravery that comes
heart, from wine. Without wine, skill in weaponry doesnt
100 who, great and puffed up with this retinue, doth any matter. Wine is what sets that skill in motion.
deed of Education is nothing more than idle gold in the
courage, and this valor comes of sherris. So that skill devils hands, until wine rouses it and puts it to
in the good use. Thats how Prince Harry became
weapon is nothing without sack, for that sets it a- valiant. Hes taken the cold blood he inherited
work; and from his father andlike unproductive farmland
learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil till sack he fertilized it, planted it, and cared for it, through
commences it and sets it in act and use. Hereof the hard work of drinking vast amounts of good
comes it that and potent wine. And so now, hes become hot
Prince Harry is valiant, for the cold blood he did and courageous. If I had a thousand sons, the
naturally first rule of behavior I would teach them would be
inherit of his father he hath, like lean, sterile, and to avoid weak drinks, and get themselves
bare land, addicted to wine.
manured, husbanded, and tilled with excellent
endeavor of
drinking good and good store of fertile sherris, that
he is
become very hot and valiant. If I had a thousand
sons, the
first human principle I would teach them should be to
forswear thin potations and to addict themselves to
sack.
How now, Bardolph? What is it, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
The army is discharged all and gone. The army is dismissed, and everyones gone.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
105 Let them go. Ill through Gloucestershire, and there Let them go. Ill head to Gloucestershire. Ill visit
will I Master Robert Shallow, Esquire. Ive already got
visit Master Robert Shallow, Esquire. I have him him under my thumb, as soft as wax. Soon Ill
already seal the deal. Lets go.
temp'ring between my finger and my thumb, and
shortly
will I seal with him. Come away.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 4, Scene 3
Enter KING Henry, his sons Thomas Duke KING Henry, his sons Thomas Duke
ofCLARENCE and Humphrey Duke ofCLARENCE and Humphrey Duke
ofGLOUCESTER, with WARWICK and others ofGLOUCESTER, WARWICK, and others enter.
KING KING
Now, lords, if God doth give successful end Now, my lords: if God grants us a victory in this
To this debate that bleedeth at our doors, violent civil war that bleeds at our very doorsteps,
We will our youth lead on to higher fields I will lead our young people in a greater cause,
And draw no swords but what are sanctified. and fight nothing but holy wars. Our navy is ready,
5 Our navy is addressed, our power collected, our army is assembled, the leaders who are my
Our substitutes in absence well invested, subordinates have their orders, and everything is
And everything lies level to our wish. standing by to achieve my main aim. The only
Only we want a little personal strength; drawback is that Im feeling a little weak. So lets
And pause us till these rebels now afoot wait a short while, until the rebels, now on the run,
10 Come underneath the yoke of government. are brought back in line and are made obedient
again.
WARWICK WARWICK
Both which we doubt not but your Majesty We are sure that youll soon enjoy both good
Shall soon enjoy. health and the rebels' defeat.
KING KING
Humphrey, my son of Gloucester, My son Humphrey of Gloucester, where is your
Where is the Prince your brother? brother, Prince Hal?
GLOUCESTER GLOUCESTER
I think hes gone to hunt, my lord, at Windsor. I think hes gone hunting at Windsor.
KING KING
15 And how accompanied? Whos with him?
I do not know, my lord. I dont know, father.
KING KING
Is not his brother Thomas of Clarence with him? Isnt his brother, Thomas of Clarence, with him?
No, my good lord, he is in presence here. No, father. Hes here.

CLARENCE CLARENCE
What would my lord and father? What is it youd like, father?
KING KING
Nothing but well to thee, Thomas of Clarence. Only good things for you, Thomas. Why arent you
20 How chance thou art not with the Prince thy brother? with the Prince, your brother? He loves you and
He loves thee, and thou dost neglect him, Thomas. you are neglecting him. He cares more about you
Thou hast a better place in his affection than any of his other brothers, Thomas; cherish
Than all thy brothers. Cherish it, my boy, that fact, my boy. After Im dead, youll be in a
And noble offices thou mayst effect strong position to help maintain good relations
25 Of mediation, after I am dead, between Prince Hal and his brothers.
Between his greatness and thy other brethren. So dont ignore him. Dont turn away his love, and
Therefore omit him not; blunt not his love, dont ruin your good relationship with him by
Nor lose the good advantage of his grace seeming cold or distant. Hes kind if he gets his
By seeming cold or careless of his will. way; he has compassion for others, and hes
30 For he is gracious if he be observed; generous with charity. But despite all this, once he
He hath a tear for pity and a hand gets angry, he becomes like a stone. He can be
Open as day for melting charity; as tempestuous as winter, and can change himself
Yet notwithstanding, being incensed he is flint, as suddenly as snowflakes at dawn can turn to
As humorous as winter, and as sudden hail. So watch his temper.
35 As flaws congealed in the spring of day. When he does something wrong, let him know it
His temper therefore must be well observed. gently, and when hes in a happy mood. But when
Chide him for faults, and do it reverently, hes ornery, give him room. Wait till his bad mood
When thou perceive his blood inclined to mirth; works itself out, like a beached whale that kills
But, being moody, give him time and scope itself by struggling to return to sea. If you can do
40 Till that his passions, like a whale on ground, this, youll be a shelter for your friends, and a
Confound themselves with working. Learn this, golden chain that links your brothers together.
Thomas, Once theyre united, the poison of criticism and
And thou shalt prove a shelter to thy friends, rumorwhich in this day and age is sure to be
A hoop of gold to bind thy brothers in, aimed at themcant do them any harm, no
45 That the united vessel of their blood, matter how explosive and destructive it may be.
Mingled with venom of suggestion
(As, force perforce, the age will pour it in),
Shall never leak, though it do work as strong
As aconitum or rash gunpowder.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
I shall observe him with all care and love. Ill watch over him with as much care and love as
possible.
KING KING
50 Why art thou not at Windsor with him, Thomas? Then why arent you with him at Windsor?
CLARENCE CLARENCE
He is not there today; he dines in London. Hes not there today. Hes in London.
KING KING
And how accompanied? Canst thou tell that? Whos with him? Do you know?
CLARENCE CLARENCE
With Poins and other his continual followers. Poins, and the usual suspects.
KING KING
Most subject is the fattest soil to weeds, Weeds grow best in the richest soil, and helike
55 And he, the noble image of my youth, myself at that ageis overrun by them. My
Is overspread with them; therefore my grief sadness, then, cannot end with my death. When I
Stretches itself beyond the hour of death. imagine the lawless days and rotten times that you
The blood weeps from my heart when I do shape, will face when I am dead and sleeping with my
In forms imaginary, th' unguided days ancestors, the blood weeps from my heart.
60 And rotten times that you shall look upon When Hals headstrong wildness has free rein;
When I am sleeping with my ancestors. when aggression and passion are his advisors;
For when his headstrong riot hath no curb, when he has full opportunity to indulge in his
When rage and hot blood are his counsellors, riotous inclinations, thenOh!his criminal
When means and lavish manners meet together, desires will fly like a bird towards danger and ruin.
65 O, with what wings shall his affections fly
Towards fronting peril and opposed decay!
WARWICK WARWICK
My gracious lord, you look beyond him quite. Your highness, youve got him all wrong. The
The Prince but studies his companions Prince is only studying his criminal companions,
Like a strange tongue, wherein, to gain the language, the way one studies a foreign language. In order
70 'Tis needful that the most immodest word to truly learn a language, one must learn even the
Be looked upon and learned; which, once attained, most immodest curse wordwhich, as you know,
Your Highness knows, comes to no further use is only learned in order to be identified and,
But to be known and hated. So, like gross terms, thereafter, avoided. So, like vulgar language, the
The Prince will, in the perfectness of time, Prince will get rid of his followers when the time is
75 Cast off his followers, and their memory right. Then theyll live on in his memory as
Shall as a pattern or a measure live, guidelines, by which hell judge the conduct of
By which his Grace must mete the lives of others, others. In this sense, hell change his past bad
Turning past evils to advantages. deeds to good ends.
KING KING
'Tis seldom when the bee doth leave her comb Its rare that a bee builds its nest in a dead
80 In the dead carrion. animals carcass. The Prince wont leave his
current company.

Whos here? Westmoreland? Whos there? Westmoreland?
Health to my sovereign, and new happiness I wish your highness good health, and happy
Added to that that I am to deliver. news beyond the report I have to deliver! Prince
Prince John your son doth kiss your Graces hand. John sends his respects: Mowbray, the
Mowbray, the Bishop Scroop, Hastings, and all Archbishop, Hastings and the rest are under
85 Are brought to the correction of your law. arrest. There are no more rebels anywhere; the
There is not now a rebels sword unsheathed olive branch of peace has been extended
But peace puts forth her olive everywhere. everywhere.
The manner how this action hath been borne Heres a letter explaining what happened. When
Here at more leisure may your Highness read you have time, you can read it and learn every
90 With every course in his particular. detail.
KING KING
O Westmoreland, thou art a summer bird, Oh Westmoreland; youre like a summer bird,
Which ever in the haunch of winter sings which sings the dawn in as winter ends.
The lifting up of day.
Enter HARCOURT HARCOURT enters.
Here comes more news. Look, heres more news.
HARCOURT HARCOURT
95 From enemies heaven keep your Majesty, May heaven protect your highness from all
And when they stand against you, may they fall enemiesand when they do rise up, may they fall
As those that I am come to tell you of. just like the ones Ive come to tell you about. The
The Earl Northumberland and the Lord Bardolph, Earl of Northumberland and Lord Bardolph, with
With a great power of English and of Scots, their mighty armies of Englishmen and Scotsmen,
100 Are by the shrieve of Yorkshire overthrown. were defeated by the Sheriff of Yorkshire. This
The manner and true order of the fight letter will tell you the details.
This packet, please it you, contains at large.
KING KING
And wherefore should these good news make me Why am I sick at this good news? Why cant life
sick? ever bring you things with their appropriate
105 Will fortune never come with both hands full, complements? Why is good news so often
But write her fair words still in foulest letters? conveyed in ugly terms? Life either gives you
She either gives a stomach and no food hunger but no foodwhich is the
Such are the poor, in healthor else a feast experience of poor, healthy peopleor it gives
And takes away the stomachsuch are the rich, you a feast with no appetitewhich is how the
That have abundance and enjoy it not. rich live, who have wealth and abundance but
110 I should rejoice now at this happy news, cannot enjoy it. I should be celebrating this good
And now my sight fails, and my brain is giddy. news, and yet my eyesight is failing, and my brain
O, me! Come near me, now I am much ill. is delirious. Oh God! Come to me, Im very sick.
Comfort, your Majesty. Take care, your highness!
CLARENCE CLARENCE
O, my royal father! Oh, my royal father!
My sovereign lord, cheer up yourself, look up. My lord, feel better; take courage.
WARWICK WARWICK
115 Be patient, princes. You do know these fits Wait a minute, princes. You know his highness
Are with his Highness very ordinary. has these episodes all the time. Move away from
Stand from him, give him air. Hell straight be well. him. Give him air; hell be all right soon.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
No, no, he cannot long hold out these pangs. No, no, he cant survive these attacks much
Th' incessant care and labor of his mind longer. His minds endless worry and concern
120 Hath wrought the mure that should confine it in have so shaken his body that it can barely hold
So thin that life looks through and will break out. together.
The people fear me, for they do observe The people are frightening me. Theyve seen
Unfathered heirs and loathly births of nature. terrible omens: children who seem to have
The seasons change their manners, as the year supernatural fathers, and gruesomely deformed
125 Had found some months asleep and leapt them over. infants. The weather is in disarray, as if the
calendar discovered some months were fast
asleep, and decided to skip over them.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
The river hath thrice flowed, no ebb between, The river has flooded three times, without
And the old folk, times doting chronicles, receding between floods. The old peoplethose
Say it did so a little time before living history bookssay that the last time this
That our great-grandsire, Edward, sicked and died. happened was when our great-grandfather, King
Edward, fell ill and died.
WARWICK WARWICK
130 Speak lower, princes, for the King recovers. Speak more softly, princes: the King is
recovering.
This apoplexy will certain be his end. These attacks will be the death of him.
KING KING
I pray you, take me up and bear me hence Please, carry me into another room. Quietly.
Into some other chamber. Softly, pray. Please.
They carry the KING to a bed. They carry the KING to a bed.
Let there be no noise made, my gentle friends, Please be silent, my friends, unless someone can
135 Unless some dull and favorable hand play some restful, whispering music for my
Will whisper music to my weary spirit. exhausted spirit.
WARWICK WARWICK
Call for the music in the other room. Call the musicians in from the other room.
KING KING
Set me the crown upon my pillow here. Put the crown here on my pillow.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
His eye is hollow, and he changes much. His eyes are sunken, and he seems very pale.
WARWICK WARWICK
140 Less noise, less noise. Less noise, less noise!
Enter PRINCE HENRY PRINCE HENRY enters.
Who saw the Duke of Clarence? Has anybody seen the Duke of Clarence?
CLARENCE CLARENCE
I am here, brother, full of heaviness. Im here, brother, full of sadness.
How now! Rain within doors, and none abroad? Whats going on? Raining inside while its dry
How doth the King? outside? Hows the King?
Exceeding ill. Extremely sick.
Heard he the good news yet? Tell it him. Has he heard the good news yet? Tell him.
145 He altered much upon the hearing it. Yes, he heard it, and it affected him deeply.

If he be sick with joy, hell recover without physic. If hes sick from joy, then hell get better without
medicine.
WARWICK WARWICK
Not so much noise, my lords.Sweet Prince, speak Not so loud, sirs. Prince, speak more quietly. Your
low. father the King is trying to sleep.
The King your father is disposed to sleep.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
Let us withdraw into the other room. Lets go into the other room.
WARWICK WARWICK
150 Will t please your Grace to go along with us? Will you come with us?
No, I will sit and watch here by the King. No. Ill stay here with the King.
Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY Everyone exits except PRINCE HENRY.
Why doth the crown lie there upon his pillow, Why does the crown lie there on his pillow, when
Being so troublesome a bedfellow? its such a troublesome bedfellow? Oh polished
O polished perturbation, golden care, aggravation, golden anxiety! You keep the eyelids
155 That keepst the ports of slumber open wide open wide, to face countless sleepless nights.
To many a watchful night! sleep with it now; You sleep with the crown now, father, but you
Yet not so sound and half so deeply sweet dont sleep as soundly, or half so deeply, as that
As he whose brow with homely biggen bound man whose head is bound with nothing more than
Snores out the watch of night. O majesty, a cheap nightcap, who snores through the night.
160 When thou dost pinch thy bearer, thou dost sit Oh, you crown! When you pinch the person
Like a rich armor worn in heat of day, wearing you, youre like a great suit of armor worn
That scaldst with safety. By his gates of breath on a hot dayyou burn the person youre
There lies a downy feather which stirs not; protecting. Theres a feather near my fathers lips,
Did he suspire, that light and weightless down and its not moving: if he were breathing, that
165 Perforce must move. My gracious lord, my father, light, weightless thing would move. My gracious
This sleep is sound indeed. This is a sleep lord! Father! This is a deep sleep indeedthis is
That from this golden rigol hath divorced a sleep that has removed the golden ring from the
So many English kings. Thy due from me heads of many English kings. Father, I owe you
Is tears and heavy sorrows of the blood, tears and a deep grief, and my love, the bonds of
170 Which nature, love, and filial tenderness family, and a sons tender feelings will make sure
Shall, O dear father, pay thee plenteously. that I pay you lavishly. Your debt to me is this
My due from thee is this imperial crown, kingly crown, which I am owed as your heir-
Which, as immediate as thy place and blood, apparent.
Derives itself to me. (he puts the crown on his (he puts the crown on his head) Look, here it sits,
head) Lo, and God will guard it. Even if all the strength in
175 where it sits, the world were gathered into a single, giant arm, it
Which God shall guard. And put the worlds whole wouldnt be able to force this inherited honor from
strength me. I will leave this to my son as youve left it to
Into one giant arm, it shall not force me.
This lineal honor from me. This from thee
Will I to mine leave, as tis left to me.
Exit PRINCE HENRY PRINCE HENRY exits.
KING KING
(waking) Warwick! Gloucester! Clarence! (waking) Warwick! Gloucester! Clarence!
Enter WARWICK, GLOUCESTER, CLARENCE, and WARWICK, GLOUCESTER, CLARENCE, and
the rest the rest enter.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
Doth the King call? Did you call, sir?
WARWICK WARWICK
180 What would your Majesty? How fares your Grace? What can we do for you, your highness? How are
you feeling?
KING KING
Why did you leave me here alone, my lords? Why did you leave me alone, sirs?
CLARENCE CLARENCE
We left the Prince my brother here, my liege, We left my brother, Prince Hal, here. He decided
Who undertook to sit and watch by you. to sit with you.
KING KING
The Prince of Wales? Where is he? Let me see him. The Prince of Wales? Where is he? I want to see
185 He is not here. him. Hes not here.
WARWICK WARWICK
This door is open. He is gone this way. This doors open. He went this way.
He came not through the chamber where we stayed. He didnt come through the room we were in.
KING KING
Where is the crown? Who took it from my pillow? Wheres the crown? Who took it off my pillow?
WARWICK WARWICK
When we withdrew, my liege, we left it here. When we left, sir, it was here.
KING KING
190 The Prince hath ta'en it hence. Go seek him out. The Prince has taken it. Go, find him. Is he in
Is he so hasty that he doth suppose my sleep my such a hurry that he thinks my sleep is my death?
death? Find him, Lord Warwick. Rebuke him, and bring
Find him, my Lord of Warwick. Chide him hither. him here.
Exit WARWICK WARWICK exits.

This part of his conjoins with my disease Henrys actions join forces with my illness, and
And helps to end me. See, sons, what things you are, together they will kill me. Sons, look at what
195 How quickly nature falls into revolt things you are. See how quickly blood bonds are
When gold becomes her object! broken, once moneys involved. This is what
For this the foolish overcareful fathers happens to foolish, overly concerned fathers who
Have broke their sleep with thoughts, ruin their sleep with worry, burden their minds
Their brains with care, their bones with industry. with anxiety, and break their bodies with hard
200 For this they have engrossd and piled up work. This is what happens to fathers who amass
The cankerd heaps of strange-achievd gold. vast amounts of money, earned in unsavory ways.
For this they have been thoughtful to invest This is what happens to fathers who have taken
Their sons with arts and martial exercises care to give their sons good educations, and train
When, like the bee, tolling from every flower them in matters of war. Fathers are like bees,
205 The virtuous sweets, collecting sweet pollen from all the flowers in the
Our thighs packed with wax, our mouths with honey, world. We pack our thighs full of wax and our
We bring it to the hive and, like the bees, mouths full of honey, only to be killed when we
Are murdered for our pains. This bitter taste return to the hive. This is the bitter fate of the
Yield his engrossments to the ending father. dying father, no matter what he has accumulated
in his life.
Enter WARWICK WARWICK enters.
210 Now, where is he that will not stay so long Where is that impatient man who cant even wait
Till his friend sickness hath determined me? for his friend, sickness, to put an end to me?
WARWICK WARWICK
My lord, I found the Prince in the next room, Sir, I found the Prince in the next room, with tears
Washing with kindly tears his gentle cheeks, flowing down his cheeks. He looked so sorrowful
With such a deep demeanor in great sorrow that a tyrantwho never drank anything but blood
215 That tyranny, which never quaffed but blood, would, upon seeing him, have washed the
Would, by beholding him, have washed his knife blood from his knife with tears. Hes on his way.
With gentle eyedrops. He is coming hither.
KING KING
But wherefore did he take away the crown? But why did he take away the crown?

Enter PRINCE HENRY PRINCE HENRY enters.

Lo where he comes.Come hither to me, Harry. Look, here he comes. Come here, Harry. (to the
220 Depart the chamber. Leave us here alone. rest) Leave the room, and leave us here alone.
Exeunt all but the KING and PRINCE HENRY Everyone leaves except the KING and PRINCE
HENRY.
I never thought to hear you speak again. I never thought Id hear you speak again.
KING KING
Thy wish was father, Harry, to that thought. You thought that because you wished it to be true.
I stay too long by thee; I weary thee. I live too long for you; youre tired of me. Are you
Dost thou so hunger for mine empty chair so desperate for my throne that you would take
225 That thou wilt needs invest thee with my honors the honors of kingship before its your time? Oh
Before thy hour be ripe? O foolish youth, you foolish youth! You long for power that will end
Thou seekst the greatness that will overwhelm thee. up overwhelming you. Wait a little while. What
Stay but a little, for my cloud of dignity power I have left is held together so weakly that
Is held from falling with so weak a wind the lightest breeze would blow it away: my life is
230 That it will quickly drop. My day is dim. fading.
Thou hast stol'n that which after some few hours You stole something from me that would freely
Were thine without offense, and at my death have been yours in just a few hours. On my
Thou hast sealed up my expectation. deathbed, youve confirmed all my expectations.
Thy life did manifest thou lovedst me not, All your life you showed that you didnt love me,
235 And thou wilt have me die assured of it. and now I will die certain of it. There are a
Thou hidst a thousand daggers in thy thoughts, thousand daggers in your thoughts, which youve
Which thou hast whetted on thy stony heart sharpened on your stony heart with the hopes of
To stab at half an hour of my life. stabbing me in the little time I have left. What?
What, canst thou not forbear me half an hour? Couldnt you endure me for half an hour? Then go
240 Then get thee gone and dig my grave thyself, and dig my grave yourself, and ring the bells to
And bid the merry bells ring to thine ear mark your coronation, not my death. Let all the
That thou art crownd, not that I am dead. tears that should be shed on my hearse be drops
Let all the tears that should bedew my hearse of holy water to bless your head.
Be drops of balm to sanctify thy head;
245 Only compound me with forgotten dust.
Give that which gave thee life unto the worms.
Pluck down my officers, break my decrees,
For now a time is come to mock at form. Just mix me up with the forgotten dust, and give
Harry the Fifth is crowned. Up, vanity, my bodywhich gave you lifeto the worms. Fire
250 Down, royal state, all you sage counsillors, hence, my officers, undo my laws; for now the time has
And to the English court assemble now, come to jeer at authority. Henry the Fifth is
From every region, apes of idleness. crowned: up with foolishness! Down with
Now, neighbor confines, purge you of your scum. decorum! Be gone, all you wise advisers!
Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance, Assemble lazy apes from every region, and make
255 Revel the night, rob, murder, and commit them the royal court of England! Now, you
The oldest sins the newest kind of ways? neighboring countries, get rid of your scum. Do
Be happy, he will trouble you no more. you have a criminal who swears, drinks, dances,
England shall double gild his treble guilt. parties all night, robs, murders, and commits the
England shall give him office, honor, might, oldest sins in the newest ways? Then be happy:
260 For the fifth Harry from curbed license plucks that man wont trouble you any longer. England
The muzzle of restraint, and the wild dog will paint over his guilt with gold. England will give
Shall flesh his tooth on every innocent. him a position, honor, power. Because Henry the
O my poor kingdom, sick with civil blows! Fifth has removed the barriers to anarchy: hes
When that my care could not withhold thy riots, taken the restraining muzzle off the dog of
265 What wilt thou do when riot is thy care? misbehavior, and that wild dog will sink his teeth
O, thou wilt be a wilderness again, into the flesh of every decent person. Oh my poor
Peopled with wolves, thy old inhabitants. kingdom, sick from this civil war! When all my
hard work couldnt keep disorder at bay, what will
you do when disorder becomes your caretaker?
Oh, youll be a wilderness again, and all the
wolves who lived here once will once again be
your only citizens.
O pardon me, my liege! But for my tears, Oh forgive me, your highness. If it werent for
The moist impediments unto my speech, these tearswhich are impeding my speechI
270 I had forestalled this dear and deep rebuke would have stopped this harsh scolding before
Ere you with grief had spoke and I had heard you, in your grief, had spoken and before I had
The course of it so far. There is your crown, listened so long. Theres your crown. May God,
And He that wears the crown immortally who wears the crown eternally, guard it as yours
Long guard it yours. If I affect it more for a long time. If I care for the crown in any way
275 Than as your honor and as your renown, other than as a symbol of your honor and
Let me no more from this obedience rise, reputation, let me never rise from this kneeling
Which my most inward true and duteous spirit position. It is my deepest and most dutiful feelings
Teacheth this prostrate and exterior bending. which teach my body to bend and bow to you,
God witness with me, when I here came in causing my outer body to reflect my inner
280 And found no course of breath within your Majesty, feelings. May God be my witness: when I came in
How cold it struck my heart! If I do feign, here and saw that you werent breathing, my
O, let me in my present wildness die blood ran cold. If Im lying,
And never live to show th' incredulous world may I die as the wild youth I was before, and
The noble change that I have purposd. never live to show the dubious world the
285 Coming to look on you, thinking you dead, transformation I have been planning.
And dead almost, my liege, to think you were, Coming to see you, thinking you were deadand
I spake unto this crown as having sense, being nearly dead myself, just thinking that you
And thus upbraided it: The care on thee depending wereI spoke to this crown as though it were
Hath fed upon the body of my father; alive. I scolded it like this: The worry youve
290 Therefore thou best of gold art worst of gold. caused has eaten my father alive. So you, the
Other, less fine in carat, is more precious, best piece of gold, are actually the worst piece of
Preserving life in med'cine potable; gold. Other gold, perhaps worth less, is more
But thou, most fine, most honored, most renowned, precious, since it at least brings us health when
Hast eat thy bearer up. Thus, my most royal liege, mixed in our drinks. But youthe best, the most
295 Accusing it, I put it on my head honored, the most famoushave consumed the
To try with it, as with an enemy person wearing you. And as I accused it, I put it
That had before my face murdered my father, on my head, to fight against it as an enemy whod
The quarrel of a true inheritor. killed my father before my very eyes. It was the
But if it did infect my blood with joy fight of a loyal child.
300 Or swell my thoughts to any strain of pride, But may God keep it from me forevermaking
If any rebel or vain spirit of mine me like the poorest servant bowing down before it
Did with the least affection of a welcome in awe and terrorif it in any way made me happy
Give entertainment to the might of it, or arrogant, or if any part of me was the least bit
Let God forever keep it from my head pleased to welcome it and the power it brings.
305 And make me as the poorest vassal is
That doth with awe and terror kneel to it.
KING KING
O my son, Oh my son, God made you take it from me so
God put it in thy mind to take it hence that, in pleading your case so beautifully, you
That thou mightst win the more thy fathers love, would make me love you more! Come here,
310 Pleading so wisely in excuse of it. Harry. Sit by my bed and listen to what I think will
Come hither, Harry, sit thou by my bed be the last advice I ever give. God knows the
And hear, I think, the very latest counsel unusual paths and indirect, crooked ways that led
That ever I shall breathe. God knows, my son, me to this crown.
By what bypaths and indirect crookd ways And I know very well how much anxiety it has
315 I met this crown, and I myself know well caused as Ive worn it. It will fall to you in bitter
How troublesome it sat upon my head. peace, with
To thee it shall descend with better quiet,
Better opinion, better confirmation, better support and stronger approval. The stain of
For all the soil of the achievement goes its obtainment dies now, with me. On me, the
320 With me into the earth. It seemed in me crown seemed like an honor grabbed with a
But as an honor snatched with boist'rous hand, violent hand, and many people lived to remind me
And I had many living to upbraid that they had helped me take it. Eventually, those
My gain of it by their assistances, daily reminders grew into war and bloodshed,
Which daily grew to quarrel and to bloodshed, doing damage to the peace. You can see how
325 Wounding supposd peace. All these bold fears much pain its caused me as Ive fought my foes.
Thou seest with peril I have answerd, My entire reign has been like a play, in which we
For all my reign hath been but as a scene rehash that disagreement.
Acting that argument. And now my death Now my death changes the show. What I bought,
Changes the mood, for what in me was purchased you will inherit. Youll wear the crown by right of
330 Falls upon thee in a more fairer sort. succession. But even though you have a firmer
So thou the garland wearst successively. claim to the crown than I had, its not firm enough.
Yet though thou standst more sure than I could do, Anger is still fresh, and my former friendswhom
Thou art not firm enough, since griefs are green, you must make into your friendshave only
And all my friends, which thou must make thy friends, recently been disarmed. It was their power that
335 Have but their stings and teeth newly ta'en out, first got me the crown, and I feared that same
By whose fell working I was first advanced power could take me down. To avoid that, I
And by whose power I well might lodge a fear defeated their rebellion, and planned to lead an
To be again displaced; which to avoid, army to the Holy Land. I thought that, with nothing
I cut them off and had a purpose now to occupy themselves, theyd start eyeing me and
340 To lead out many to the Holy Land, my crown.
Lest rest and lying still might make them look Therefore, my Harry, make it your policy to focus
Too near unto my state. Therefore, my Harry, the distracted minds of the people with foreign
Be it thy course to busy giddy minds wars. Military actions abroad will make people
With foreign quarrels; that action, hence borne out, forget about troubling matters in the past. Id say
345 May waste the memory of the former days. more, but my lungs are so worn out that I dont
More would I, but my lungs are wasted so have the strength to speak. God forgive me for
That strength of speech is utterly denied me. how I came by the crown, and may he grant that
How I came by the crown, O God forgive, you enjoy it in peace.
And grant it may with thee in true peace live.
350 My gracious liege, My gracious lord, you won it, wore it, kept it, then
You won it, wore it, kept it, gave it me. gave it to me. My possession of it must therefore
be honest
Then plain and right must my possession be, and lawful. And I will work as hard as I can to
Which I with more than with a common pain defend this crown against any man.
'Gainst all the world will rightfully maintain.
Enter Lord John of LANCASTER Lord John of LANCASTER enters.
KING KING
355 Look, look, here comes my John of Lancaster. Look, look, here comes my son, John of
Lancaster.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
Health, peace, and happiness to my royal father. Health, peace, and happiness to my royal father!
KING KING
Thou bringst me happiness and peace, son John, You bring me happiness and peace, John. But
But health, alack, with youthful wings is flown health, unfortunately, has flown from this
From this bare withered trunk. Upon thy sight shrunken body. Now that Ive seen you, I have
360 My worldly business makes a period. nothing more to do in this world. Where is Lord
Where is my Lord of Warwick? Warwick?
My Lord of Warwick. Lord Warwick!
Enter WARWICK and others WARWICK and others enter.
KING KING
Doth any name particular belong Does the room I first collapsed in have a name?
Unto the lodging where I first did swoon?
WARWICK WARWICK
365 'Tis called Jerusalem, my noble lord. Its called the Jerusalem Room, your highness.
KING KING
Laud be to God! Even there my life must end. Praise be to God! Thats where I must die. For
It hath been prophesied to me many years, years its been predicted that I would die in
I should not die but in Jerusalem, Jerusalem; I foolishly thought that meant the Holy
Which vainly I supposed the Holy Land. Land. But carry me to that room, and there Ill lie.
370 But bear me to that chamber; there Ill lie. In that Jerusalem will Harry die.
In that Jerusalem shall Harry die.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 5, Scene 1
Enter SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, PAGE, SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, and

andBARDOLPH thePAGE enter.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
By cock and pie, sir, you shall not away tonight. By gum, sir, you will not leave tonight. Hey, Davy!
What,
Davy, I say!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
You must excuse me, Master Robert Shallow. Please excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
I will not excuse you. You shall not be excused. I will not excuse you. You will not be excused.
5 Excuses Excuses will not be allowed. No excuse will do.
shall not be admitted. There is no excuse shall serve. You will not be excused. Hey, Davy!
You
shall not be excused.Why, Davy!
Enter DAVY DAVY enters.
DAVY DAVY
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, let me see, Davy, let me see, Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, lets see, Davy, lets see,
Davy, Davy, lets see. Oh yes, right: tell William the cook
10 let me see. Yea, marry, William cook, bid him come to come here. Sir John, you will not be excused.
hither.Sir John, you shall not be excused.
DAVY DAVY
Marry, sir, thus: those precepts cannot be served. And Well sir, heres the thing. Those warrants couldnt
again, be served. And once more, sir, should we plant
sir, shall we sow the hade land with wheat? wheat at the fields edges?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
With red wheat, Davy. But for William cook, are there Plant red wheat, Davy. But as for William the cook
no arent there any young pigeons?
young pigeons?
DAVY DAVY
15 Yes, sir. Here is now the smiths note for shoeing and Yes, sir. Heres the bill from the blacksmith for
plow horseshoes and plow blades.
irons.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Let it be cast and paid.Sir John, you shall not be Check the figures and then and pay it. Sir John,
excused. you will not be excused.
DAVY DAVY
Now, sir, a new link to the bucket must needs be had. Now, sir, we need some new chain for the bucket.
And, And sir, do you plan to dock Williams pay for the
20 sir, do you mean to stop any of Williams wages about wine he lost at the Hinckley fair?
the
sack he lost the other day at Hinckley Fair?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
He shall answer it. Some pigeons, Davy, a couple of Hell pay for that. Some pigeons, Davy; a couple of
short- short-legged hens, a leg of lamb, and any fun little
legged hens, a joint of mutton, and any pretty little tiny fancy dishes. Tell William the cook.
kickshaws, tell William cook.
DAVY DAVY
Doth the man of war stay all night, sir? Is the soldier staying all night?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Yea, Davy. I will use him well. A friend i' th' court is Yes, Davy. Ill take good care of him. A friend at
25 better court is better than money in your pocket. Take
than a penny in purse. Use his men well, Davy, for good care of his men, Davy. Theyre good-for-
they are nothings, and theyll bite you.
arrant knaves and will backbite.
DAVY DAVY
No worse than they are back-bitten, sir, for they have No worse than theyre bitten, sir. Their clothes are
marvellous foul linen. full of lice.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Well-conceited, Davy. About thy business, Davy. Good one, Davy. Get on with your work, Davy.
DAVY DAVY
30 I beseech you, sir, to countenance William Visor of Please, sir, rule in favor of William Visor of Woncot
Woncot in his lawsuit against Clement Perkes of the hill.
against Clement Perkes o' th' hill.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
There is many complaints, Davy, against that Visor. Davy, there are a lot of suits against that Visor.
That That Visor is a good-for-nothing, as best I can tell.
Visor is an arrant knave, on my knowledge.
DAVY DAVY
I grant your Worship that he is a knave, sir, but yet, I agree with your honor that hes a good-for-
35 God nothing, but God forbid that a good-for-nothing

forbid, sir, but a knave should have some should be denied a favor when his friend asks for
countenance at his one on his behalf. An honest man can speak for
friends request. An honest man, sir, is able to speak himself, but a good-for-nothing cant. Ive worked
for for you for eight years, sir. If I cant get you to rule
himself when a knave is not. I have served your in favor of a good-
Worship
truly, sir, this eight years; an if I cannot once or twice
in a
quarter bear out a knave against an honest man, I
have
40 a very little credit with your Worship. The knave is for-nothing once in a while, then obviously you
mine dont think very much of me. That good-for-nothing
honest friend, sir; therefore I beseech you let him be is my good friend, sir. So I ask you, please: rule in
countenanced. his favor.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Go to, I say he shall have no wrong. Look about, Stop now; I tell you he wont be wronged. Now get
Davy. going, Davy.
Exit DAVY DAVY exits.
Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come, off with Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come.
45 your Take
boots.Give me your hand, Master Bardolph. your boots off. Let me shake your hand, Master
Bardolph.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
I am glad to see your Worship. Im glad to see you, your honor.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
I thank thee with all my heart, kind Master Bardolph, I thank you with all my heart, Master Bardolph. (to
(to the the PAGE) Welcome, you tall fellow. Come, Sir
PAGE) and welcome, my tall fellow.Come, Sir John. John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Ill follow you, good Master Robert Shallow. Ill be right behind you, Master Robert Shallow.
Exit SHALLOW SHALLOW exits.
50 Bardolph, look to our horses. Bardolph, get our horses ready.
Exeunt BARDOLPH and PAGE BARDOLPH and the PAGE exit.
If I were sawed into quantities, I should make four If I were cut into pieces, Id make four dozen
dozen of bearded broomsticks like this Master Shallow. Its
such bearded hermits' staves as Master Shallow. It is amazing to see the similarity between his mens
a dispositions and his own. They watch him and
55 wonderful thing to see the semblable coherence of his behave like foolish judges, and he, by associating
mens with them, turns into a judge-like workman. Their
spirits and his. They, by observing of him, do bear spirits are so closely joined by their intimate
themselves like foolish justices; he, by conversing with involvement, theyre like a flock of wild geese that
them, is turned into a justice-like servingman. Their fly in formation. If I needed a favor from Judge
60 spirits Shallow, I would make his men think that Im a
are so married in conjunction with the participation of close friend of his. If I needed something from his
society that they flock together in consent like so men, I would flatter Shallow by telling him that no
many wild one commands servants better than he does. One
geese. If I had a suit to Master Shallow, I would things for sure: the behavior of a wise man and
65 humor his that of an idiot are contagious, like diseases. They
men with the imputation of being near their master;if spread from person to person, which is why
to his people must be careful about
men, I would curry with Master Shallow that no man
could
better command his servants. It is certain that either
wise
bearing or ignorant carriage is caught, as men take
diseases,
one of another. Therefore let men take heed of their
company. I will devise matter enough out of this
Shallow to
keep Prince Harry in continual laughter the wearing the company they keep. Ill come up with enough
out of six fashions, which is four terms, or two actions, material about this Shallow to keep Prince Hal
and a' shall laugh without intervallums. O, it is much laughing nonstop for a year. Thats how much time
that a lie with a slight oath and a jest with a sad brow it takes for the current fashion to change six times,
will do with a fellow that never had the ache in his or for two lawsuits to be completed. Hell laugh
shoulders. O, you shall see him laugh till his face be with no intermission. Oh, a lie told with a measure
like a wet cloak ill laid up. of truthor a joke told with a serious facewill go
far with a young fellow, who has never had his
shoulders weighed down by old age or worries.
Oh, hell laugh until his face looks like a wet coat
that was hung poorlyitll be all wrinkled from
laughter.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
(within) Sir John. (ofstage) Sir John!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
I come, Master Shallow; I come, Master Shallow. Coming, Master Shallow! Coming!
Exit He exits.
Act 5, Scene 2
Enter WARWICK and the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE WARWICK and the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE enter.
WARWICK WARWICK
How now, my Lord Chief Justice, whither away? Whats happening, my Lord Chief Justice? Where
are you going?

How doth the King? Hows the King doing?
WARWICK WARWICK
Exceeding well. His cares are now all ended. Very well. All his worries are ended now.
I hope, not dead. Not dead, I hope.
WARWICK WARWICK
Hes walked the way of nature, Hes gone down natures path; for our purposes,
5 And to our purposes he lives no more. he is no longer living.
I would his Majesty had called me with him. I wish his majesty had brought me with him. The
The service that I truly did his life work I did for him while he was alive makes me
Hath left me open to all injuries. very vulnerable, now that hes dead.
WARWICK WARWICK
Indeed, I think the young King loves you not. Indeed, I think the young King has no love for you.
10 I know he doth not, and do arm myself I know he doesnt. Im preparing myself to deal
To welcome the condition of the time, with whatever happens, which cant be any worse
Which cannot look more hideously upon me than what Ive imagined.
Than I have drawn it in my fantasy.
Enter LANCASTER, CLARENCE, GLOUCESTER, LANCASTER, CLARENCE, GLOUCESTER, and
and others others enter.
WARWICK WARWICK
Here come the heavy issue of dead Harry. Here come the heavy-hearted children of dead
15 O, that the living Harry had the temper Harry. If only the living Harry had the character of
Of he the worst of these three gentlemen! the worst of these three young men. Then a lot of
How many nobles then should hold their places noblemen would remain secure, instead of having
That must strike sail to spirits of vile sort! to step aside to make room for lowlifes.

O God, I fear all will be overturned. Oh God! Im afraid everything will be turned
upside-down.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
20 Good morrow, cousin Warwick, good morrow. Good morning, cousin Warwick, good morning.
GLOUCESTER AND CLARENCE GLOUCESTER AND CLARENCE
Good morrow, cousin. Good morning, cousin.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
We meet like men that had forgot to speak. Were all like men who dont remember how to
speak.
WARWICK WARWICK
We do remember, but our argument We remember how, but what we have to say is so
Is all too heavy to admit much talk. sad that we cannot speak.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
25 Well, peace be with him that hath made us heavy. Well, peace be with the man who has made us
sad.
Peace be with us, lest we be heavier. Peace be with us, or else well be even sadder!
O, good my lord, you have lost a friend indeed, Oh, my good lord, youve lost a friend, indeed. Im
And I dare swear you borrow not that face sure youre not borrowing that sorrowful face; its
Of seeming sorrow; it is sure your own. certainly your own.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
30 Though no man be assured what grace to find, Even though no man can know what blessings will
You stand in coldest expectation. come his way, he must expect the worst. I am
I am the sorrier; would twere otherwise. sorry; I wish it were otherwise.
CLARENCE CLARENCE
Well, you must now speak Sir John Falstaff fair, Well, now you are only allowed to speak well of Sir
Which swims against your stream of quality. John Falstaff, which goes against the nature of a
man of your quality.
35 Sweet princes, what I did I did in honor, Sweet princes, what I did, I did honorably,
Led by th' impartial conduct of my soul; impartially, and with a clear conscience. You wont
And never shall you see that I will beg see me begging vilely for a pardon, which is sure
A ragged and forestalled remission. to be withdrawn as soon as it is given. If truth and
If truth and upright innocency fail me, honest innocence dont help me, then Ill join my
40 Ill to the King my master that is dead dead King and tell him who sent me.
And tell him who hath sent me after him.
WARWICK WARWICK
Here comes the Prince. Here comes the Prince.
Enter PRINCE HENRY (now King Henry V), attended PRINCE HENRY (now King Henry V) enters, with
attendants.
Good morrow, and God save your Majesty. Good morning, and God save your majesty!
This new and gorgeous garment majesty This new and gorgeous robe of majesty doesnt fit
45 Sits not so easy on me as you think. me as comfortably as you think. Brothers, your
Brothers, you mix your sadness with some fear. sadness is mixed with fear. This is the English
This is the English, not the Turkish court; court, not the Turkish one. Im not Amurath, who
Not Amurath an Amurath succeeds, had his brothers killed when he inherited his father
But Harry Harry. Yet be sad, good brothers, King Amuraths crown; Im a Harry, following
50 For, by my faith, it very well becomes you. another Harry. But be sad, brothers, because truly,
Sorrow so royally in you appears it suits you. You look so regal in your sorrow that I
That I will deeply put the fashion on will solemnly put it on as well, and wear it in my
And wear it in my heart. Why then, be sad. heart. Be sad, but dont let it be anything more
But entertain no more of it, good brothers, than a burden we all share jointly. I want you to
55 Than a joint burden laid upon us all. rest assured that as far as Im concerned, Ill be
For me, by heaven, I bid you be assured, both your father and your brother now. Just trust
Ill be your father and your brother too. me with your love, and you can trust me to care for
Let me but bear your love, I ll bear your cares. you. Keep weeping for Harry, who is dead; I will,
Yet weep that Harrys dead, and so will I, as well. But one Harry still lives, and he will
60 But Harry lives that shall convert those tears convert those tears one by one into hours of
By number into hours of happiness. happiness.
PRINCES PRINCES
We hope no otherwise from your Majesty. We hope thats exactly what youll do.
You all look strangely on me. (to the CHIEF Youre all looking at me strangely. (to the CHIEF
JUSTICE) And you JUSTICE) You, most of all. I think youre certain
most. that I dont love you.
You are, I think, assured I love you not.
65 I am assured, if I be measured rightly, Im certain that, if my actions are fairly considered,
Your Majesty hath no just cause to hate me. your majesty will find no just reason to hate me.

No? No? How can a great prince like me forget the
How might a prince of my great hopes forget terrible wrongs you did me? What were you
So great indignities you laid upon me? thinking, to scold, punish, and violently imprison
70 What, rate, rebuke, and roughly send to prison the heir to the English throne? Was this nothing?
Th' immediate heir of England? Was this easy? Should this be dipped in the river of forgetfulness
May this be washed in Lethe and forgotten? and simply ignored?
I then did use the person of your father; I acted with the authority of your father, whose
The image of his power lay then in me. power was vested in me. And when it came to the
75 And in th' administration of his law, lawwhich I was busy enforcing, for the good of
Whiles I was busy for the commonwealth, the countryyou chose to ignore my rank, and the
Your Highness pleasd to forget my place, majesty and power of law and justice which I bore
The majesty and power of law and justice, as a representative of the King. You struck me in
The image of the King whom I presented, the head, the very location of my judgment. With
80 And struck me in my very seat of judgment, that action, you committed a crime against your
Whereon, as an offender to your father, fathers own laws. So I did what my power
I gave bold way to my authority demanded, and imprisoned you. If that was wrong,
And did commit you. If the deed were ill, thennow that you wear the crownI hope youll
Be you contented, wearing now the garland, someday be satisfied with a son who mocks your
85 To have a son set your decrees at nought? laws, who scorns the judges who rule in your
To pluck down justice from your awful bench? authority, who disrupts the course of law, and
To trip the course of law and blunt the sword blunts the swords that guard your personal peace
That guards the peace and safety of your person? and safety.
Nay more, to spurn at your most royal image No, even worse than that: a son who disrespects
90 And mock your workings in a second body? your deputies, and the officers you appoint in your
Question your royal thoughts, make the case yours; name. Question yourself, and imagine being in
Be now the father and propose a son, your fathers position. Be a father, and imagine a
Hear your own dignity so much profaned, son. Listen to your own dignity being profaned.
See your most dreadful laws so loosely slighted, Watch as your most solemn laws are laughed at
95 Behold yourself so by a son disdained, so lightly. Behold yourself being so disdained by a
And then imagine me taking your part son. And then imagine that I take your side, and
And in your power soft silencing your son. that in your name I gently silence your son.
After this cold considerance, sentence me, Soberly consider this, and then pronounce my
And, as you are a king, speak in your state sentence. As king, tell me
100 What I have done that misbecame my place, what I have done that was so unseemly for my
My person, or my lieges sovereignty. station, myself, or my kings authority.
You are right, justice, and you weigh this well. Youre right, Chief Justice, and you have
Therefore still bear the balance and the sword. considered this well. Therefore, keep your
And I do wish your honors may increase position as judge and enforcer. I hope that your
105 Till you do live to see a son of mine honors increase, and that you live to see a son of
Offend you and obey you as I did. mine offend and then obey you, as I have. I will
So shall I live to speak my fathers words: live to speak my fathers words: I am a happy
Happy am I that have a man so bold man, to have a man brave enough to punish my
That dares do justice on my proper son; own son; and Im no less happy to have a son
110 And not less happy, having such a son that would surrender his greatness, and put
That would deliver up his greatness so himself in the hands of the law.
Into the hands of justice. You did commit me, You imprisoned me, and for that I charge you to
For which I do commit into your hand continue in my service, with this reminder: you
Th' unstaind sword that you have used to bear, must always be as courageous, just, and impartial
115 With this remembrance: that you use the same as you were with me. Shake my hand. Youll be
With the like bold, just, and impartial spirit like a father to me, and I will say whatever it is you
As you have done 'gainst me. There is my hand. whisper in my ear. I will bow to you, and keep
You shall be as a father to my youth, myself humble in the face of your wisdom and
My voice shall sound as you do prompt mine ear, experience. And princes, believe me, please: my
120 And I will stoop and humble my intents father lies wild in his grave, for he took my
To your well-practiced wise directions. recklessness with him when he died. His sober
And, princes all, believe me, I beseech you: spirit survives in me, and I will flout the worlds
My father is gone wild into his grave, expectations. I will prove their prophecies false,
For in his tomb lie my affections, and flush out the rotten opinions of those who
125 And with his spirit sadly I survive judged me based on what I once seemed to be.
To mock the expectation of the world, My behavior, the tide of my blood, used to flow
To frustrate prophecies, and to raze out proudly and vainly. But now, it ebbs and turns
Rotten opinion, who hath writ me down back toward the sea, where it will mingle with the
After my seeming. The tide of blood in me oceans majesty and flow back through my body
130 Hath proudly flowed in vanity till now. with formal dignity. Now I will assemble my
Now doth it turn and ebb back to the sea, parliament, and choose such noble officers and
Where it shall mingle with the state of floods advisors that our great country will be able to
And flow henceforth in formal majesty. march alongside the best governed nations. Well
Now call we our high court of parliament, become acquainted and familiar
135 And let us choose such limbs of noble counsel with the states of war, peace, or both at once; in
That the great body of our state may go this, Chief Justice, my new father, you will be my
In equal rank with the best governed nation; closest advisor.
That war, or peace, or both at once, may be Once my coronation has been completed, I will,
As things acquainted and familiar to us, as I said before, summon all the nobility. And if
140 In which you, father, shall have foremost hand. God endorses my good intentions, no prince or
Our coronation done, we will accite, lord will have reason to say that he wishes God
As I before remembered, all our state. would shorten my happy life by even a single day.
And, God consigning to my good intents,
No prince nor peer shall have just cause to say
145 God shorten Harrys happy life one day.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 5, Scene 3
Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, DAVY,BAR FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, DAVY,BARD

DOLPH, and the PAGE OLPH, and the PAGE enter.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbor, we No, youre going to see my orchard. Well sit in an
will arbor and eat some of the pippin apples I cross-
eat a last years pippin of my own graffing, with a dish bred last season, along with some caraway seeds
of and so on. Come on, Silence. Then well go to
caraways, and so forth.Come, cousin Silence.And bed.
then
to bed.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
5 Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and a rich. I swear, you have a good-looking place here, and
its fancy.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Barren, barren, barren, beggars all, beggars all, Sir Cheap, cheap, cheap. Were broke, broke, Sir
John. John. But one thing we do have is good air. Set
Marry, good air.Spread, Davy, spread, Davy. Well the table, Davy, set the table. Good job, Davy.
said,
Davy.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
This Davy serves you for good uses. He is your This Davy does a lot for you. Hes your right-hand
10 servingman man as well as your steward.
and your husband.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir A good servant, a very good servant, Sir John. By
John. By God, I had too much wine with dinner. A good
the Mass, I have drunk too much sack at supper. A servant. Now sit down, sit down. Come on,
good cousin.
varlet. Now sit down, now sit down.Come, cousin.
SILENCE SILENCE
Ah, sirrah, quoth he, we shall Ah, Sirrah, he said. We will:
15 Do nothing but eat and make good cheer, Do nothing but eat and celebrate,
(sings) And praise God for the merry year, (sings) And praise God for this happy year,
When flesh is cheap and females dear, When flesh is cheap but women are costly,
And lusty lads roam here and there And lusty men roam here and there,
So merrily, So merrily,
20 And ever among so merrily. And always so merrily.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Theres a merry heart!Good Master Silence, Ill give Thats a merry heart! Master Silence, Ill drink a
you toast to you in a minute.
a health for that anon.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy. Davy, get Master Bardolph some wine.
DAVY DAVY
Sweet sir, sit. Ill be with you anon. Most sweet sir, sit. Sit, kind sir; Ill be with you in a second. Very kind
25 Master page, good master page, sit. Proface. What sir, please sit. Heres to you! What we lack in food,
you want we make up for in drink. You must endure it; good
in meat, well have in drink, but you must bear. The intentions are what count.
hearts
all.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Be merry, Master Bardolph. And, my little soldier Enjoy yourself, Master Bardolph, and you, my little
there, soldier, enjoy yourself.
be merry.
SILENCE SILENCE
30 (sings) Be merry, be merry, my wife has all, (sings) Enjoy, enjoy! My wife has it all,
For women are shrews, both short and tall. Women are shrews, whether theyre short or
'Tis merry in hall when beards wag all, theyre tall,
And welcome merry Shrovetide. Its a merry party when men laugh and joke,
Be merry, be merry. So lets enjoy ourselves this Shrovetide,
Enjoy, enjoy!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
35 I did not think Master Silence had been a man of this I didnt think Master Silence had this in him.
mettle.
SILENCE SILENCE
Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now. Who, me? Ive let loose once or twice in my life.
Enter DAVY DAVY enters.
DAVY DAVY
(to BARDOLPH) Theres a dish of leather-coats for (to BARDOLPH) Heres a dish of red apples for
you. you.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Davy! Davy!
DAVY DAVY
Your Worship, Ill be with you straight. Yes, sir! Ill be with you in a
40 (to BARDOLPH) A cup of wine, sir? second. (toBARDOLPH) A cup of wine, sir?
SILENCE SILENCE
(sings) A cup of wine thats brisk and fine, (sings) A cup of wine thats fresh and fine,
And drink unto thee, leman mine, And drink to you, darling mine,
And a merry heart lives long-a. And a happy heart lives long!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Well said, Master Silence. Well said, Master Silence.
SILENCE SILENCE
45 And we shall be merry; now comes in the sweet o' th' And we will enjoy ourselves. Nows the best time
night. of night.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Health and long life to you, Master Silence. Heres to your health and long life, Master Silence.
SILENCE SILENCE
(sings) Fill the cup, and let it come, (sings) Fill the cup, and pass it here,
Ill pledge you a mile to th' bottom. Ill drink it to the bottom, even if its a mile down.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Honest Bardolph, welcome. If thou wantest anything Welcome, honest Master Bardolph. If you want
and something and dont ask for it, thats your tough
50 wilt not call, beshrew thy heart. luck. (to the PAGE) Welcome, my little tiny thief,
(to the PAGE) Welcome, my little tiny thief, and welcome indeed. Ill drink to Master Bardolph, and
welcome to all the good sports around London.
indeed too. Ill drink to Master Bardolph, and to all the
cabileros about London.
DAVY DAVY
I hope to see London once ere I die. I hope to see London once before I die.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
An I might see you there, Davy! If I see you there, Davy
SHALLOW SHALLOW
55 By the Mass, youll crack a quart together, ha, will you By God, youll break open a quart bottle together,
not, ha! Wont you, Master Bardolph?
Master Bardolph?
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot. Yessir, in a two-quart glass.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
By Gods liggens, I thank thee. The knave will stick by By Gods fingers, I thank you. This rogue will stick
thee, with you, I promise you that. He wont fail, hes
I can assure thee that. He will not out, he. 'Tis true true blue.
bred!
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
60 And Ill stick by him, sir. And Ill stick with him, sir.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing, be merry. Spoken like a king. Take whatever you want: enjoy
One knocks at the door within yourselves!
Look whos at door there, ho. Who knocks? Knocking is heard ofstage.
Hey, see whos at the door there! Whos knocking?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
(to SILENCE) Why, now you have done me right. (to SILENCE) Youre really keeping up with me!
SILENCE SILENCE
65 (sings) Do me right, (sings) Keep up with me,
And dub me knight, Then dub me a knight!
Samingo. Samingo!
Is t not so? Right?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
'Tis so. Right.
SILENCE SILENCE
70 Is t so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat. Right? Then youve got to admit that an old man
can do some things.
Enter DAVY DAVY returns.
DAVY DAVY
An t please your Worship, theres one Pistol come Sir, if I may say so, theres someone named Pistol
from the here from the royal court. Hes got news.
court with news.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
From the court? Let him come in. From the royal court? Let him in.
Enter PISTOL PISTOL enters.
How now, Pistol? Whats up, Pistol!
PISTOL PISTOL
75 Sir John, God save you. God save you, Sir John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What wind blew you hither, Pistol? What wind blew you here, Pistol?
PISTOL PISTOL
Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet Not the evil wind that blows no one toward any
knight, good. Sweet knight, you are now one of the
thou art now one of the greatest men in this hugest men in the country.
realm.
SILENCE SILENCE
By 'r Lady, I think he be, but Goodman Puff of Barson. I swear, I think he isexcept for the good fellow
Puff, from Barson.
PISTOL PISTOL
Puff? Puff? Puff in your face, you degenerate coward!
80 Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base! Sir John, Im your Pistol and your friend, and I
Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend, rode at full tilt to find you here. I bring you reports,
And helter-skelter have I rode to thee, and good luck, and golden times, and happy,
And tidings do I bring, and lucky joys, valuable news.
And golden times, and happy news of price.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
85 I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world. Then please, deliver this news like a human being
who lives in this world.
PISTOL PISTOL
A foutre for the world and worldlings base! Damn this world, and the vile little people who live
I speak of Africa and golden joys. in it! Im talking about Africa, and its golden joys.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news? Oh, you vulgar Assyrian knight, what is your
Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof. news? Convey to King Cophetua the story therein.
SILENCE SILENCE
90 (sings) And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John. (sings) And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.
PISTOL PISTOL
Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons, Will junkyard dogs attack the Muses, goddesses
And shall good news be baffled? of poetry? Will my good news be thwarted this
Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies' lap. way? Then Pistol, go ahead and plead with the
Furies, the goddesses of revenge.
SILENCE SILENCE
Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding. Honest gentleman, I dont know what kind of
family youre from.
PISTOL PISTOL
95 Why then, lament therefor. Thats your loss.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Give me pardon, sir. If, sir, you come with news from Forgive me saying so, sir, but if youve got news
the from the court, then you have only two choices:
court, I take it theres but two ways, either to utter you can either tell it or not tell it. I have some
them, or authority from the King, you know.
to conceal them. I am, sir, under the King in some
authority.
PISTOL PISTOL
Under which king, besonian? Speak or die. From which king, you beggar? Speak, or die.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
100 Under King Harry. For King Henry.
PISTOL PISTOL
Harry the Fourth, or Fifth? Henry the Fourth, or Fifth?
SHALLOW SHALLOW
Harry the Fourth. Henry the Fourth.
PISTOL PISTOL
A foutre for thine office! Then screw your position! Sir John, your tender
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king. little lamb is now the king. Henry the Fifths the
105 Harry the Fifths the man. I speak the truth. man, and I speak the truth. When Pistol tells a lie,
When Pistol lies, do this (he makes an obscene do this (he makes an obscene gesture) and tell
gesture) and me to go screw myself, like some crazy Spaniard.
fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
What, is the old king dead? What? Is the old King dead?
PISTOL PISTOL
As nail in door. The things I speak are just. As a doornail: these things I say are true.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
110 Away, Bardolph.Saddle my horse.Master Robert Get going, Bardolph! Saddle up my horse. Master
Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land, Robert Shallow, pick whatever job you want in the
tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with whole country: its yours. Pistol, Ill pile honors on
dignities. you.
BARDOLPH BARDOLPH
O joyful day! I would not take a knighthood for my Oh happy day! I wouldnt even trade a knighthood
fortune. for my new, good fortune.
PISTOL PISTOL
What, I do bring good news! There you go! I brought good news!
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
115 Carry Master Silence to bed.Master Shallow, my Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow
Lord Lord Shallowcall yourself whatever you want.
Shallow, be what thou wilt. I am Fortunes steward. Im in
Get on
thy boots. Well ride all night.O sweet Pistol! charge of all the luck in the world! Get your boots
Away, on. Well ride through the night. Oh sweet Pistol!

Bardolph! Get going, Bardolph!
Exit BARDOLPH BARDOLPH exits.
Come, Pistol, utter more to me, and withal devise Pistol, tell me more, and help me think of
120 something something good we can do for you. Boots, boots,
to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow. I Master Shallow! I know the young King is dying to
know the see me. Lets just take anybodys horses; I rule
young King is sick for me. Let us take any mans the laws of England now! Blessed are those who
horses. The have been my friends, and watch out, Lord Chief
laws of England are at my commandment. Blessed Justice!
are they
that have been my friends, and woe to my Lord Chief
Justice!
PISTOL PISTOL
125 Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also! May vultures eat out his lungs, too! You know the
Where is the life that late I led? say they. old saying, What happened to the life I used to
Why, here it is. Welcome these pleasant days. lead? Well, theyre here; welcome to these
pleasant days.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 5, Scene 4
Enter BEADLES, dragging in MISTRESS BEADLES enter, dragging DOLL

QUICKLYand DOLL TEARSHEET TEARSHEETand MISTRESS QUICKLY.
No, thou arrant knave. I would to God that I might die, No, you horrible rogue! I wish to God I were dead,
that so I could have you hanged. You dislocated my
I might have thee hanged. Thou hast drawn my shoulder!
shoulder out
of joint.
FIRST BEADLE FIRST BEADLE
The Constables have delivered her over to me, and The street cops handed her over to me, and shell
5 she shall be whipped through and through, I promise. Shes
have whipping cheer enough, I warrant her. There been involved in a couple of murders.
hath been
a man or two lately killed about her.
Nut-hook, nut-hook, you lie! Come on, I ll tell thee Pig, Pig! You lie! Come on! Ill tell you what, you
what, damned flabby-faced moron: if I have a
thou damned tripe-visaged rascal: an the child I now miscarriage now, youll wish youd hit your own
10 go with mother, you pasty-faced villain!
do miscarry, thou wert better thou hadst struck thy
mother,
thou paper-faced villain.
O the Lord, that Sir John were come! I would make Oh God, I wish Sir John would come! Hed make
this a somebody bleed for this. I pray to God that she
bloody day to somebody. But I pray God the fruit of has a miscarriage!
her
womb might miscarry.
If it do, you shall have a dozen of cushions again; you Well, if she does, youll have twelve cushions on
15 have your couch again. You have only eleven now,
but eleven now. Come, I charge you both go with me, since shes wearing one of them under her dress. I
for the order both of you to come with me: the man that
man is dead that you and Pistol beat amongst you. you two and Pistol beat up is dead.
Ill tell you what, you thin man in a censer, I will have Ill tell you what, you stick-figure; Ill have you
you beaten soundly for this. You blue-coated rogue,
as soundly swinged for this, you bluebottle rogue, you you filthy, starving correctioner! If you arent
20 filthy walloped for this, Ill swear off skirts.
famished correctioner. If you be not swinged, Ill
forswear
half-kirtles.
Come, come, you she knight-errant, come. Come on, come on, you little night sinner, come
on.

O God, that right should thus overcome might! Well, Oh God! I cant believe that right is overcoming
of might! Well, challenges build character.
sufferance comes ease.
Come, you rogue, come, bring me to a justice. Come on, you bastard, come on. Bring me to a
judge.
25 Ay, come, you starved bloodhound. Yeah, come on, you starved dog.
Goodman Death, Goodman Bones! Master Death! Master Bones!
Thou atomy, thou! You skeleton, you!
Come, you thin thing, come, you rascal. Come on, you thin thing; come on, you lean deer!
Very well. Very well.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 5, Scene 5
Enter two GROOMS, strewing rushes Two GROOMS enter, strewing rushes to cover the
floors.
FIRST GROOM FIRST GROOM
More rushes, more rushes. More rushes; more rushes.
SECOND GROOM SECOND GROOM
The trumpets have sounded twice. The trumpets have blown twice.
FIRST GROOM FIRST GROOM
'Twill be two o'clock ere they come from the Itll be two o'clock before they arrive from the
coronation. coronation. Hurry, hurry.
Dispatch, dispatch.
Exeunt They exit.
Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, PISTOL,BARDOLPH, FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, PISTOL, BARDOLPH,
and PAGE and the PAGE enter.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
5 Stand here by me, Master Robert Shallow. I will make Stand here near me, Master Robert Shallow. Ill
the make the King do good things for you: Ill throw
King do you grace. I will leer upon him as he comes him a look as he passes by. Just watch the face
by, and hell make at me.
do but mark the countenance that he will give me.
PISTOL PISTOL
God bless thy lungs, good knight! God bless your lungs, good knight.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Come here, Pistol, stand behind me. Come here, Pistol. Stand behind
10 (toSHALLOW) O, if I me. (toSHALLOW) Oh, if Id had time to make new
had had time to have made new liveries, I would have clothes I would have spent the thousand pounds I
bestowed the thousand pound I borrowed of you. But borrowed from you. But it doesnt matter. These
tis no poor clothes are better; it shows how desperate I
matter. This poor show doth better. This doth infer the was to see him.
zeal
I had to see him.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It doth so. It does indeed.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
15 It shows my earnestness of affection It shows how sincerely I love him
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It doth so. It does indeed.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My devotion My devotion
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It doth, it doth, it doth. It does, it does, it does.

FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
As it were, to ride day and night, and not to deliberate, In a word, to ride all night; not to stop and think,
20 not not to dawdle, not to take the time to change my
to remember, not to have patience to shift me clothes
SHALLOW SHALLOW
It is best, certain. It is best, no doubt about it.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
But to stand stained with travel and sweating with Standing here filthy from traveling, and sweating
desire to with my desire to see him; thinking of nothing else,
see him, thinking of nothing else, putting all affairs disregarding everything, as if the only thing in the
25 else in world that mattered was seeing him.
oblivion, as if there were nothing else to be done but
to see
him.
PISTOL PISTOL
'Tis semper idem, for obsque hoc nihil est; Thats how it is. Nothing else matters. Semper
tis all in every part. idem. Obsque hoc nihil est.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
'Tis so indeed. Thats exactly right.
PISTOL PISTOL
My knight, I will inflame thy noble liver, and make thee Knight, Ill fire up your noble liver and make you
30 rage. Thy Doll and Helen of thy noble thoughts is in enraged. Doll, the goddess of your thoughts, is
base imprisoned in a horrible jail, tossed there by a
durance and contagious prison, Haled thither by most heartless and filthy hand. Stoke up dark revenge
mechanical and dirty hand. Rouse up revenge from from your deepest belly and set loose the serpents
ebon den of hell. Doll is in. Pistol speaks nothing but the
with fell Alectos snake, for Doll is in. Pistol speaks truth.
nought
but truth.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
35 I will deliver her. Ill set her free.
Shouts within, and the trumpets sound Shouts are heard ofstage. Trumpets play.
PISTOL PISTOL
There roared the sea, and trumpet-clangor sounds. That was the roar of the sea. The clanging
trumpet sounds!
Enter PRINCE HENRY and his train, the Lord CHIEF PRINCE HENRY enters with a procession of
JUSTICE among them attendants, including the CHIEF JUSTICE.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
God save thy Grace, King Hal, my royal Hal. God save your grace, King Hal! My royal Hal!
PISTOL PISTOL
The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of The heavens guard and protect you, you royal
fame! child of fame!

FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
God save thee, my sweet boy! God save you, my sweet boy!
KING PRINCE HENRY
40 My Lord Chief Justice, speak to that vain man. My Lord Chief Justice, go speak to that arrogant
man.
(to FALSTAFF) Have you your wits? Know you what (to FALSTAFF) Have you lost your mind? Do you
tis to know what youre doing, talking like that?
speak?
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My King, my Jove, I speak to thee, my heart! My King! My God! Im talking to you, my heart!
KING KING
I know thee not, old man. Fall to thy prayers. I know you not, old man. Get down on your knees
How ill white hairs become a fool and jester. and pray, for white hair doesnt sit well on a fool
45 I have long dreamt of such a kind of man, and a clown. I have dreamed about such a man
So surfeit-swelled, so old, and so profane; for a long time: a man so swollen with excess, so
But being awaked, I do despise my dream. old and so obscene. But now that I have
Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace; awakened, I despise that dream. Let your body
Leave gormandizing. Know the grave doth gape lessen, and your manners increase; leave behind
50 For thee thrice wider than for other men. your overindulgence, and know that the grave
Reply not to me with a fool-born jest. gapes three times as wide for you than any other
Presume not that I am the thing I was, man. Dont answer me with a foolish joke. Do not
For God doth knowso shall the world perceive assume that I am what I was; for God knows, I
That I have turned away my former self. have turned my back on my former self, and I will
55 So will I those that kept me company. do the same to those who were my companions.
When thou dost hear I am as I have been, When you hear that I am as I was, then come to
Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast, me, and you will once again be what you were: the
The tutor and the feeder of my riots. teacher and nurse to my wild, riotous ways.
Till then I banish thee, on pain of death, Until then, I banish you, on pain of death, as I
60 As I have done the rest of my misleaders, have done to the other men who once misled me.
Do not
Not to come near our person by ten mile. come within ten miles of me. Ill grant you a
For competence of life I will allow you, modest allowance to live on, so that poverty will
That lack of means enforce you not to evils. not lead you into evil. When I hear that you have
And, as we hear you do reform yourselves, reformed your ways, I will promote you as you
65 We will, according to your strengths and qualities, deserve. (to CHIEF JUSTICE) Its your job to see
Give you advancement. (to CHIEF JUSTICE) Be it this order carried out. Lets go.
your charge,
my lord,
To see performed the tenor of my word.
Set on.
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, the CHIEF JUSTICE, and PRINCE HENRY, the CHIEF JUSTICE, and the
the attendants. attendants exit.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound. Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pounds.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
70 Yea, marry, Sir John, which I beseech you to let me Yes, indeed, Sir John. And Id like to take it home
have with me.
home with me.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you grieve That cant happen, Master Shallow. Dont let this
at upset you; Ill get a private invitation to see him.
this. I shall be sent for in private to him. Look you, he Look, he has to appear this way to the world. Dont
75 must worry about your good fortunes: Im still the man
seem thus to the world. Fear not your advancements. who will make you great.
I will
be the man yet that shall make you great.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
I cannot well perceive how, unless you should give me I dont know how youre going to do that, unless
your you give me your jacket and fill me out with
doublet and stuff me out with straw. I beseech you, stuffing. Please, Sir John, let me have five
good Sir hundred of my thousand.
John, let me have five hundred of my thousand.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Sir, I will be as good as my word. This that you heard Sir, Im as good as my word. What you heard here
80 was a minute ago was just a color; it was a pretense.
but a color.
SHALLOW SHALLOW
A color that I fear you will die in, Sir John. A color that I fear youll be buried in, Sir John.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
Fear no colors. Go with me to dinner.Come, Stop worrying about colors: come to lunch with
Lieutenant me. Come, Lieutenant Pistol. Come, Bardolph.
Pistol.Come, Bardolph.I shall be sent for soon at Hell call for me tonight.
night.
Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and Prince John The Lord CHIEF JUSTICE, Prince John
ofLANCASTER; officers with them ofLANCASTER, and officers enter.
Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet. Go, take Sir John Falstaff away to jail, and take all
85 Take all his company along with him. his companions with him.
FALSTAFF FALSTAFF
My lord, my lord My lord, my lord
I cannot now speak. I will hear you soon. I cant talk now. Ill listen to you later. Take them
Take them away. away.
PISTOL PISTOL
Si fortune me tormenta, spero me contenta. Si fortuna me tormenta, spero me contenta.
Exeunt all but Prince John Everyone exits except John of LANCASTERand
of LANCASTER andtheCHIEF JUSTICE the CHIEF JUSTICE.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
90 I like this fair proceeding of the Kings. The Kings fair dealings please me. He wants to
He hath intent his wonted followers ensure that his old companions are provided for,
Shall all be very well provided for, but he banishes them until they can behave more
But all are banished till their conversations properly and presentably.
Appear more wise and modest to the world.
95 And so they are. That they are.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
The King hath called his parliament, my lord. The Kings assembled his parliament, sir.
He hath. He has.
LANCASTER LANCASTER
I will lay odds that, ere this year expire, Ill bet that, before the year ends, well launch an
We bear our civil swords and native fire invasion of France. I heard a little bird singing
100 As far as France: I beard a bird so sing, about it, and I think the music pleased the King.
Whose music, to my thinking, pleased the King. Come, will you leave with me?
Come, will you hence?
Exeunt They exit.
Enter the EPILOGUE. The EPILOGUE enters.

First my fear; then my curtsy, last my speech. My fear First, Ill tell you what Im afraid of. Then, Ill bow,
is your and finally, Ill make a speech. I fear that this play
105 displeasure my curtsy my duty; and my speech, to displeased you; I bow to you out of duty; and
beg your finally, I make this speech to ask you for
pardons. If you look for a good speech now, you forgiveness. If youre expecting a good speech
undo me, now, then Im in trouble. For I wrote the words Im
for what I have to say is of mine own making, and about to say, and Im sure that what Im about to
110 what say will end up getting me in trouble. But Ill get to
indeed I should say will, I doubt, prove mine own the point, and thus Ill get to the danger. You
marring. should knowas you seem tothat I recently
But to the purpose, and so to the venture. Be it came on this stage at the end of some other lousy
known to you, play, to ask you to be patient and to promise you
115 as it is very well, I was lately here in the end of a a better play the next time. I had intended to pay
displeasing you back for that play with this one. If you didnt
play to pray your patience for it and to promise you a like this play, thenlike a businessman who has
better. gambled on a risky ventureI am bankrupt; and
I meant indeed to pay you with this, which, if like an ill you, my sweet creditors, are out of luck. I
120 venture it come unluckily home, I break, and you, my promised you I would be here, and here I stand to
gentle submit myself to your mercy. Give me some
creditors, lose. Here I promised you I would be, and mercy and Ill promise to pay you back again
here I another time. Thats how debtors do it: they
commit my body to your mercies. Bate me some, and always promise to repay.
125 I will If my talking cant convince you to let me off the
pay you some, and, as most debtors do, promise you hook, then would you like me to dance? And yet,
infinitely. And so I kneel down before you, but, that would be a cheap payment, to dance myself
indeed, to out of debt. But a person with a good conscience
pray for the Queen. will always seek to pay his debts, and I would do
130 If my tongue cannot entreat you to acquit me, will you the same. All the women here have forgiven me: if
command me to use my legs? And yet that were but the men wont, then the men dont agree with the
light women, which has never happened in a theater
payment, to dance out of your debt. But a good audience before.
conscience Just one more thing, if you dont mind. If fatty
will make any possible satisfaction, and so would I. meat hasnt clogged you up yet, our playwright
All the will continue the story with Sir John in it, and
gentlewomen here have forgiven me; if the entertain you with the beautiful Princess
gentlemen will Katharine of France. And speaking of France, as
not, then the gentlemen do not agree with the far as I know, Falstaff will die there of the
gentlewomen, sweating diseaseunless, that is, hes already
which was never seen before in such an assembly. been killed by your low opinions of
One word more, I beseech you: if you be not too him.Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is not him.
much My mouth is tired; when my legs are, too, Ill say
cloyed with fat meat, our humble author will continue goodnight and take a bow.
the
story, with Sir John in it, and make you merry with fair
Katherine of France, where, for anything I know,
Falstaff
shall die of a sweat, unless already he be killed with
your
hard opinions; for Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is
not
the man. My tongue is weary; when my legs are too, I
will
bid you good night.

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Henry IV, Part II

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No Fear Shakespeare Henry IV, Part II (by SparkNotes) -1-

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Enter LORD BARDOLPH LORD BARDOLPH enters.

Act 1, Scene 1, Page 2

LORD BARDOLPH LORD BARDOLPH

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LORD BARDOLPH LORD BARDOLPH

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crutch. and are three times as powerful as they were

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undertaking? Only this: precisely what was likely

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been smaller, but theres never been more need

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security. Well, on her adultery, but hes so clueless he cant even

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CHIEF JUSTICE CHIEF JUSTICE

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CHIEF JUSTICE CHIEF JUSTICE

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CHIEF JUSTICE CHIEF JUSTICE

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205 purse. wallet waste away; borrowing makes it live a little

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Exit PAGE The PAGE exits.

Enter the ARCHBISHOP of York, The ARCHBISHOP of York,

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Act 1, Scene 3, Page 2

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We fortify in paper and in figures, Otherwise, it becomes a meaningless exercise:

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MISTRESS QUICKLY MISTRESS QUICKLY

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