Social Psych interest

Chap 11: Attraction and Intimacy implicit egotism

Need to belong we like what we associate with
ourselves
- to connect with others in enduring,
close relationships Physical attractiveness
Autonomy and competence o Attractiveness and dating
- human needs that have to be satisfied o The matching phenomenon
Ostracism the tendency for men and women
- act of excluding or ignoring to choose as partners those who
are a "good match" in
- treats a person as if they don't exist attractiveness and other traits
Shunned o physical-attractiveness stereotype

- to be avoided, met with averted eyes, the presumption that physically

or given the silent treatment attractive people possess other
socially desirable traits as well:
Silent treatment
what is beautiful is good
- emotional abuse
o First impressions
- a terrible, terrible weapon to use
.013-second exposure
Bullying
The speed with which first
- extremely negative
impressions form
- at least acknowledges someone's
o Is the beautiful is good
existence and importance
stereotype accurate?
Cyberostracism
o Who is attractive?
What Leads To Friendship And Attraction?
Symmetrical
Proximity
o Evolution and attraction
- geographical nearness.
o Social comparison
- (functional distance)
o The attractiveness of those we
o how often people's paths cross love

- powerfully predicts liking Similarity vs complementarity

o Interaction o Do birds of a feather flock
together?
architecture of friendship
o Likeness begets liking
Romantic love
Likeness-leads-to-liking effect
Availability
The more similar someone's
o Anticipation of interaction
attitudes are to your own, the
Anticipatory liking more you will like the person

Expecting that someone will be o Dissimilarity breeds dislike

pleasant and compatible false consensus bias
o Mere exposure
Assuming that others share our
Tendency for novel stimuli to be attitudes
liked more or rated more positively
attitude alignment
after the rater has been repeatedly
exposed to them A phenomenon that can also
Name letter effect lead partners to overestimate
their attitude similarities
Prefer the letters appearing in
o Do opposites attract
their own names & those that
frequently appear in their own Complementarity
languages
The popularly supposed
Boredom tendency, in a relationship

*Affect may precede cognition - Emotions are semi-independent of thinking

 between two people, for each
to complete what is missing in
the other
Liking those who like us
o Attribution
Ingratiation
Use of strategies, such as
flattery, by which people seek
to gain another's favor
Lavish praise
Relationship rewards
o Rewards theory of attraction
Theory that we like those whose
behavior is rewarding to us or
whom we associate with rewarding
events
o Theory of attraction
We like those who reward us &
those we associate with rewards
o Explained by reward theory
Proximity
Attractive
Similar
Mutual
What is love?
o Components of love
Commitment
Intimacy
passion
Passionate love
o A state of intense longing for union
with another. Passionate lovers are
absorbed in each other, feel ecstatic at
attaining their partner's love, & are
disconsolate on losing it. Lust +
attachment
o A theory of passionate love
o Two-factor theory of emotion
Arousal x its label = emotion
Arousal from any source, even
painful experiences, can be steered
into passion
o Variations in love: culture and
gender
o Passion facilitating hormones
Testosterone
Dopamine
*Affect may precede cognition - Emotions are semi-independent of thinking
Adrenaline
Companionate love
o Affection we feel for those with whom
our lives are deeply intertwined
o Oxytocin
Released in females during nursing
& during mating
What enables close relationships?
Attachment
o Attachment styles
Secure attachment
Avoidant attachment (insecure)
Anxious attachment (insecure
ambivalent)
Equity
o Long-term equity
o Perceived equity and satisfaction
Self-disclosure
o Disclosure reciprocity
revealing intimate aspects of
oneself to others
o Growth-promoting listeners
People who are genuine in
revealing their own feelings, who
are accepting of others' feelings, &
who are empathic, sensitive,
reflective listeners
o Essence of love
Two selves connecting, disclosing,
& identifying with each other; two
selves, each retaining their
individuality, yet sharing activities,
delighting in similarities, &
mutually supporting
o Self-other integration
Intertwined self-concepts
How relationships end?
Divorce
The detachment process
3 ways of coping with a failing
relationship
o 1. Loyalty - by waiting for
conditions to improve (Passive &
Constructive)
o 2. Neglect - ignore the partner &
allow the relationship to deteriorate
(Passive & Destructive)
o 3. Voice - their concerns & take
active steps to improve the
relationship (Active & Constructive)
 o **Exit - end the relationship (Active Fight fairly
& Destructive) o By stating feelings without insulting

*Affect may precede cognition - Emotions are semi-independent of thinking