To li yisheng

Good story the story impressive me. I love it. The description about his fathers

action is great. Just smoking and dont say anything. When he have to leave his room.

He describe the room as a old friend. I can feel how sad he is, this part is great. This is

why I give him 11 point in effective describe.

But there are something need to be improve. First there are

some small mistakes in the article. Like the wrong tense. Another

thing is the order. In the beginning of the article. he mention he

have to leave the room, then he talks about another thing happened

with his father. Lastly he talks about something before they leave. I

think he should make some change in order.