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ISSUE ONE // FAITH

WELCOME TO SPIT & SPIRIT ways.


talking about this, for sure.

The conversations were having though, havent Our lives are complex, complicated, messy even.
changed much. In 2007, I participated in the This is especially true for LGBTQ people as we
Soulforce Equality Ride, a cross-country mobile seek to sort out the difference between what
social justice project bringing the questions of the spirit tells us and what society tells us for
gender and sexuality to Christian college cam- better or for worse about our lives, loves, bod-
puses with anti-LGBT policies across the United ies, faith, and humanity.
States. Over and over I answered the question
Im convinced that we have something invalu-
(usually asked rhetorically),
able to offer those that wrestle with the reality
How can you possibly consid- of faith. Something the world, and the Church,
er yourself a Christian if youre and the believers, and the doubters, and the
gay? skeptics need to hear and to experience.

I began to realize that I was attracted to oth- I have talked about Leviticus 18:22 (Thou shalt SPIT & SPIRIT moves beyond the question of Is
er guys in my early teens and my first thought not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is it OK? and is instead an offering of our unique,
was, What does my Christian faith thave to say an abomination, King James Version) literally and sacred, perspective. It will be reflection, dis-
about this??? In fact, I was probably wondering more times than I can remember. course, confession, prayer, and conversation.
that before I had even crystalized the thought I The question that comes up SPIT & SPIRIT is a journey. Thanks for traveling
might like guys. most often when talking about with me.
In the early days of the internet, there were few queer spirituality is, Is it a sin
resources available and I devoured everything to be gay?
I could get my hands. Pro-gay, anti-gay, search- But we have so much more to of-
ing-for-a-third-way-gay, and anything else that fer.
could offer any insight into what I was going
through. The experience of being lesbian, gay, bisexu- Brian Gerald
al, transgender, and/or any of the multitude of Publisher
Today, a search for gay Christian turns up one ways that people are queer, colors and enriches
hundred thirty four million results. People are our livesand our faithsin bold and beautiful

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ISSUE ONE // FAITH

Whats Doubt Got To Do With it Called To Faith (Sorta), an interview with Chris Stedman
5 14

Transformative Faith Coming Out As An Act of Faith


7 19

Leaning On The Faith Of Others A Faith Fought For


10 23

Cute Theology A Call For Queer Theology


12 27

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And have mercy on
those who doubt.
Jude 1:22

ISSUE ONE // FAITH


WHATS DOUBT GOT TO DO
WITH IT?
It perhaps seems odd to open a magazine on ing to change our bodies, choosing to hurt our
FAITH with a Scripture on doubt, but for me families, choosing to take things personally
at least, the two are inextricably wound up to-
For some of us, the notion of choosing our ori-
gether.
entations and genders is as absurd as choosing
I remember the first time I was given per- the color of our eyes, while for others choice
mission in my faith life for doubt. Attending in gender and sexuality is empowering.
a speaker series at the University of Southern
But there is one thing we can all
California, the president of Claremont Semi-
agree on when it comes to choice:
nary remarked,
We choose our faith.
The opposite of faith is not
Our faith is hard won. It is not one that is
doubt. The opposite of faith is
handed down gently through the ages to us.
certainty.
Not one that we inherit tax-free from our fa-
And with that I received not only permission thers. Churches, families, and strangers say to
to feel my doubts but also the freedom to live us, Oh, youre queer? No need to be a part of
into the mystery of faith. this any more.

If you read anything else Ive written, you may Some of us, facing the reality that we need
see there the pull between faith and doubt, be- not stay in the faith of our childhood embrace
tween certainty and unknown, between hope that freedom and choose a new way to struc-
and despair. ture our lives. While others refuse to be forced
out of our spiritual homes and instead choose
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender peo-
to stay and fight and transform the communi-
ple are often harshly accused of choosing
ty.
choosing a lifestyle or an orientation, choos-

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Since coming out, I have been surrounded by eryone has a home, even and especially queer I have come to realize that being queer is not
all different kinds of faith. and trans* young people. a hindrance to our faith, but an asset.

The faith of Rev. Mel White in the redeeming On the Equality Ride, I shared a bus with Bap- Our queerness calls into question our faith
power of God to transform even Jerry Falwell tists, Methodists, Presbyterians non-denom- and our identity. We must wrestle with our-
into a friend and ally (he wasnt, at least in inational Evangelicals, and Methodists. And selves, with God, and sometimes with others
this life). also Buddhists, agnostics, atheists, and even to sort it out. We find a faith that makes sense,
one Lutheran-Pagan. that fulfills, that liberates, that celebrates.
The faith of my best friend Micah that his par-
ents would one day use the correct name and The experience shattered everything I thought When we come out the other end of that pro-
pronouns for him (they did). I knew to be true about faith and spirituality. cess, we have a faith that is ours. It may be
a confident atheist or a renewed Christian or
The faith of dear friends in the power of God Growing up, my friends at church and Young-
something else entirely. Whatever it is, no one
to save them from the grips of alcoholism. Life were Christians and, presumably, most ev-
can say that we take it for granted.
eryone else was simply not. While in college,
The faith of others to pack up and move across
my faith-filled friends were the ones I attend- There may be doubt but there is also choice.
the country for seminary.
ed Campus Crusade for Christ with, my friends And a chosen faith is a powerful one.
I see faith that one day we will lead our own from the dorm were just my regular friends.
If this article resonates with you, would you dis-
lives.
And here I was confronted with atheists and cuss it with your friends and family (in person or
That churches will ordain us, that society will agnostics who looked more like the Jesus I online)? Click here to tweet about it.
marry us. read about in the Bible than even myself. Peo-
ple with unconditional love and compassion,
Faith that HIV/AIDS will be brought to end, who lived their lives with deep intention, who
that women will be honored equally to men. befriended and sought to understand every-
Faith that we can build a society where ev- one they encountered.

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TRANSFORMATIVE FAITH
When you really believe something, it changes everything

has come. I can still recite it from memory.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new But I didnt really understand it, Id never lived
it.

creation; the old has gone, the new has come! From my evangelical perspective, being a new
creation meant that Id thrown off the shackles
2 Corinthians 5:17 of Original Sin, I now had Jesus as my co-pilot
and would be better equipped to make the
right decisions, and I was pardoned for any
My middle school youth group leader Dave to happen to them. I wanted them to be saved Life camp triggered the beginning of the end of the bad things Id done up until that point.
OConnell asked, If you believe something too. of our friendship, if I had to do it again, I would
It was all very academic, some theoretical
but it doesnt change your life, do you really still invite him. I loved and cared for him that
As I grew older, I became more and more aware tabulation happening in Heaven. I didnt feel
believe it? Ever since, that question has an- much enough to lose him to save him.
of my attraction to other guys and felt more like a new creation. I felt deeply emotionally
chored my beliefs to my actions.
and more out of place at my church. Still, in High school ended and over the following few and spiritually moved during worship, and es-
In middle school, I believed that Jesus had eleventh grade when I fell in love with my years, I let go of more and more of my Evan- pecially during the talks and prayer times at
died to pay for my sins, to save me from the best friend, I didnt hesitate to invite him to gelical beliefs. I still wanted to believe them, camp. But my day-to-day existence was rather
punishment and torture of hell. I believed that YoungLife camp. He, surprisingly, agreed to to hold them near methey were comforting ordinary.
anyone who didnt accept him into their heart come. and familiar but I noticed that I wasnt liv-
In March 2007 I was on-campus at the Uni-
and turn their life over to him would suffer ing them out. I couldnt really claim to believe
Over the week at camp, he accepted Jesus into versity of Notre Dame when a student there
an eternity of torment. And so, with that be- in them.
his heart and turned his life over to Christ. asked for more information about our group,
lief firmly intact, I set about witnessing to as
He also made new friends from our school at BORN AGAIN (AGAIN) Soulforce, and the activities wed planned for
many friends as I could.
camp and over the rest of the summer, our our Equality Ride stop. I explained we were
2 Corinthians 5:17 was one of my memory
I invited them to youth group, summer camp, friendship drifted. traveling the country starting conversations
verses in sixth grade. If anyone is in Christ he
the fun church activities, and even Bible study about faith, sexuality, and gender. I handed
I remember thinking that even though Young- is a new creation; the old has gone, the new
and Sunday school. I didnt want anything bad him a flyer detailing our events for the com-

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ing days. The queer experience, like the Christian faith,
is an invitation to return a different way, to
And I was promptly confronted by security.
enter into a story bigger than oneself, and to
I was cited for trespassing, had my name and allow the experience to transform you.
personal information recorded, was escorted
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I
from the campus, and was banned for life from
thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
any property owned by the university.
When I became a man, I put childish ways be-
Two days later, when our bus pulled away that hind me.
student, Daniel, sent me an email. He had at-
I am thankful to be queer. When
tended all of our events after meeting me that
well-meaning Christians ask, I mean who
day on campus. In his email he explained that
would CHOOSE to be gay? as their justifica-
he is gay and that our visit gave him the com-
tion for being LGBT-affirming, I bristle.
fort and affirmation he needed to finally love
himself. He got the courage to begin telling I would choose to be gay.
his friends and he returned to church for the
My experiences because of my sexual orien-
first time in months. I was born again.
tation profoundly shaped (and continue to
A teacher at my church in New York City de- shape) my life. They helped me to question my
scribes the Christmas story this way: previously unquestioned beliefs. They brought
me into contact with diverse people and opin-
When the wise men encountered
ions.
Jesus, they experienced some-
thing so profound that they could And, perhaps most strikingly, they guided me
not go back the way they came. deeper into the Christian faith. I look back now
Instead, they left a different way, at my middle school faith and realize that it
forever changed. was childish. I was so concerned with 15-min-
ute quiet times each morning (that I could
My encounter with Daniel would be echoed
never manage to keep up with). I insisted that
over and over again in experiences since ful-
Noahs Ark was real and that men had one less
ly embracing myself and slowly, tentatively
rib than women. I refused to understand evo-
stepping into activism and advocacy.
lution. And of course, I thought it was a sin to
At some point, I could not return the same be gay.
way.

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Today, my adult faithtriggered by being not enough to say I love you, I must act out
queerhas transformed my life. It peels off that love. Even when its uncomfortable. Even
layer after layer of the old creation. if it means I might be crucified.

Shame. I believe that God is in the margins. That just


as Jesus was a homeless, itinerant peasant
Arrogance.
born to a single teenage mother in exile, God
Self-righteousness. still dwells in the shadow of the Empire. That I
have something to learn from a God who con-
Judgement. tinues to be in my midst in the lives of those
Prejudice. I encounter every day.

Unexamined racial privilege. I believe that Sin is real and pernicious and
evil. I see it more now than ever beforein
Nationalism. the torture of innocents in the name of mil-
Violence. itary might, in the economic injustice which
causes my country to have more empty homes
Transphobia. than homeless people, in the horrible condi-
tions in which my electronics were produced.
Sin is real and ever-present and seemingly in-
Faith has the power to enact real, measurable escapable.
differences in the world. But not in a magical
I also believe absolutely believe that heal-
way. Faith is powerful only when it is transfor-
ing and reconciliation are possible because
mative. Only, as Dave OConnell insisted, when
Ive experienced them in my own life.
it changes you.
Today, I have been transformed into a new cre-
Now, this is what I believe:
ation. And its all because Im queer.
I believe that Gods love is big enough for us all.
Thank God.
All of us, even the people I dont like, even the
people who have hurt me. Even Fred Phelps. Sound off. How have you been transformed?

I believe that just as Jesus was incarnate in


humanity to demonstrate the power of love,
so too must I incarnate my love for others. Its

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LEANING ON THE FAITH OF OTHERS
I believe in the God of alcoholics and addicts

The Twelves Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over al- 8. Made a list of all persons we had
cohol that our lives had become unmanage- harmed, and became willing to make amends
able. to them all.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater 9. Made direct amends to such people
than ourselves could restore us to sanity. wherever possible, except when to do so would
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our injure them or others.
lives over to the care of God as we understood 10. Continued to take personal inventory
Him. and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral in- 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to
ventory of ourselves. improve our conscious contact with God, as we
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to understood Him, praying only for knowledge of
another human being the exact nature of our His will for us and the power to carry that out.
wrongs. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove result of these steps, we tried to carry this mes-
all these defects of character. sage to alcoholics, and to practice these princi-
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our sh ples in all our affairs.
ngs.

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Im not an alcoholicand on some days, Im not had it his way hed be in the throes of addiction
even a Christian. I do, however, believe deeply in that he was in the throes of addiction. That it
the God of alcoholics and addicts. There are mo- wasnt until he turned his life over to a higher
ments when I feel-in-my-bones the Spirit mov- power that he was able to find freedom.
ing and some of those moments, for me, have
I trust my friends, and they have faith. And it is
been at A.A. meetings watching loved ones pick
powerful. Thats something to pay attention to.
up anniversary chips.
Thats something Ill believe in.
I dont know what keeps my friends sobersome
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and
for days others for decades. I confide in a close
women who share their experience, strength and
friend, Maybe there is no higher power keeping
hope with each other that they may solve their
you sober Maybe you are keeping yourself so-
common problem and help others to recover from
ber. Isnt that awesome? You dont need to sell
alcoholism. Visit aa.org for more.
yourself short!
Publishers Note: The use of exclusively male pro-
He reminds me, graciously every time, that if he
nouns in The 12 Steps is limiting.

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CUTE THEOLOGY
As queers, we dont have space for cute theology. We dont have
the luxury of anything but the truth.
they werent gay, they could objectively assess not an issue which I can pause to consider, it
what Scripture has to say. They wouldnt need is a reality that I embody.
to justify anything since they werent strug-
Am I a pervert?
gling with same-sex attractions.
Does this make me less pleasing to God?
Thats what I thought, at least.
Am I whole?
(Incidentally, I found many straight Chris-
tianseven in, gasp, 1998who were saying Can I have a family?
it was, of course, OK to be gay and Christian.
Peggy Campolos insistence, against the per- Will I be safe?
spective of her famous husband, that gay peo- Am I destined for hell?
ple were celebrated parts of Gods creation
was a critical step in my own journey.) Not questions to take lightly.

I remember as a teenager scouring the Inter- wanted acceptance. They wanted you to affirm What is merely an issue for many theologians At the end of the day, whatever a straight
net, looking for theology on homosexuality. their sin. and authors is my daily lived reality. I can nev- Christian concludes about homosexuality may
Books, articles, sermons, Bible studies any- er escape my attractions to men, I live with have little impact on his life. It might affect his
Sinners are always trying to justify their sin, I
thing that I could get my hands on. The box- them daily. A straight Christian might pick up theoretical beliefs. It might even affect his re-
was told.
out lessons in my Teen Study Bible left some- homosexuality for a moment and look at it. lationships: with co-workers, family, strangers.
thing to be desired, I needed more. And so I approached anything written by gay Herm, this is what it looks like. I think thats It remains always an intellectual decision for
people with skepticism. Can I really trust this bad, he might conclude. Or he might consider him, one to consider or dismiss, contemplate
Even in 1997, there were resources written by
person? Arent they just trying to justify their homosexuality and decide it to be acceptable. or ignore, accept or reject.
gay Christians. What?! People claimed to be
sin? In any event, he puts it down and moves on
both gay AND Christian? Id heard at church Homosexuality is not an academic consider-
that homosexuality and Christianity were in- What I was really looking for was a straight just as easily as he picked it up. ation for me.
compatible. Homosexuals were sinners and person to tell me that it was OK to be gay. But I, I live with it, I live in it. My queerness is I dont have time for quaint theology. For pack-
perverts. They didnt just want tolerance, they I needed their impartial, unbiased opinion. If

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ages and constructs and systems and creeds and what I believe and exactly why
on the nature and goodness of my sexuality. I believe it.
I need to knowneed to knowexactly what My theology is time-tested. It did not come
it means for my life. easy. I lost friends. I was excluded from lead-
ership. I am denied job opportunities. I am
I grew up in a church that taught me homo-
threatened with violence and harassed with
sexuality was a sinful decision. I grew up in
words. I get stares at church.
a family with no openly gay family members,
who openly talked about how gay people were My theology is costly. If I were straight, I could
weird and wrong. I grew up immersed in a cul- cast it off if it were not convenient. I could
ture where heterosexuality was promoted as believe whatever way I wanted. I could hide
the ideal. TV shows, movies, love songs, and it, or decline to defend it, or take it for grant-
late night comedy all told me that there was edjust as I can when it comes to theology
one way to be: and that way was straight. around wealth, or gender in those instances,
I can pick and choose what I want to believe, I
If I could do it over again, I would only seek out
can put on whatever suits the moment. When
the opinions of queer people when it comes
it comes to homosexuality, I dont have that
to homosexuality. We live it, breathe it, speak
luxury.
it, and die because of it.
That is our giftthat is the gift of all oppressed
The decisions I madeto come out, to have
and marginalized peoplewe dont have the
a boyfriend, to kiss, to have sex, to consider
time for anything less than the Truth. In our
forming a familywere not made lightly. Each
struggle for existence, for community, for sal-
one is a matter of literal and spiritual life and
vation, for redemption, for transformation
death.
we can only find what is True our lives de-
I must know exactly where I stand pend on it.

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CALLED TO FAITH (SORTA)
An interview with Chris Stedman, author of Faitheist
Unlike many LGBT Christians (and All the more, I learned about them in a way that
former Christians), you werent personified and humanized the experience of
raised in a Christian home, but rath- suffering. Unlike my history books, which sim-
er converted to Evangelical Christi- ply told me what happened, these books pre-
anity in your youth. What was it about sented the experiences of the people these
Christianity that attracted you? things happened to. I couldnt believe that
such horrors had occurred, and I longed for a
In some ways, I was drawn to Christianity be-
way to make it okayto see those who suf-
cause it was convenient. I was invited to at-
fered redeemed. Evangelical Christianity gave
tend an evangelical youth group by friendsif
me that comfort.
I had grown up in a context where Christianity
wasnt the majority religion I mightve become And then, of course, you left Christi-
something else, but Christianity was there. anity. Many folks who dont believe in
God, or dont accept everything their
One of the reasons I was drawn to that par-
religion teaches, remain in the fold,
ticular community was because I was looking
for many of the reasons you just artic-
for a place to belong. I was always a bit of an
ulated that drew you there in the first
odd child, and at the time of my conversion
Chris Stedman is the Assistant Chaplain and I was first introduced to Chriss work in 2010 place. Why did you leave? Was your
my parents were separating, so I was definite-
Values in Action Coordinator for the Humanist when I considered atheism for the first time. sexual orientation the catalyst? Your
ly seeking a place to be accepted.
Community at Harvard University (where he was Since, Ive swung back and forth between faith atheism? Some combination of the
The other major reason Christianity appealed two?
previously the inaugural Interfaith and Commu- and doubt, atheism and Christianity. Throughout
to me is that I was trying to make sense of in-
nity Service Fellow), the Emeritus Managing Di- it all Chris reminds me that we can work togeth- I left because, years later, the claims of the
justice. One year before my conversion, I start-
rector of State of Formation at the Journal of In- er across differences. And that the best parts of Christian tradition were no longer consistent
ed reading books like Roots, Hiroshima, and
ter-Religious Dialogue, and the Founder of the Christianity are the best parts of humanity, too. with what I believed to be true. Though my
The Diary of Anne Frank, and I was suddenly
first blog dedicated to exploring atheist-inter- frustration and anger with Christianity be-
Im stoked to interview Chris for the inagural is- aware of some of the greatest atrocities hu-
faith engagement, NonProphet Status. cause of the years I tortured myself by try-
sue of SPIT & SPIRIT mans have committed against one another.

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ing to change my sexual orientation may have how to talk to religious people about it. I did
fueled the anger I felt toward the faith after learn how, eventually, but it took a lot of mis-
leaving it, my atheism was actually born out steps to figure it out.
personal reflection and critical inquiry. Af-
There can be a pressure to reconcile
ter having justified my years of suffering as a
our sexual orientation with our faith.
kind of preparation for a life of ministry (i.e. I
This can be especially true for LGBT
suffered so that I could empathize with those
people doing public work. That were
who suffersince ministers were the people
supposed to be just like you, except
I knew who worked in solidarity with the dis-
gay. Did you ever feel that pressure?
enfranchisedI went to college to study re-
And why is it important for you to be
ligion. While there, I was encouraged by my
openly atheist and openly gay?
professors to explore why I became a Chris-
tian in the first place. I looked at the available Oh, absolutely. When I was a queer and Chris-
evidence for the existence of God and felt tian activist, I definitely felt a certain kind of
underwhelmed. When I realized that for me pressure (self-imposed, of course) to be a mod-
Christianity was more about community and el Christian. But as Ive gotten older, Ive come
about ethics, and not as much about theology to realize that it is more effective, and more re-
and God-belief, I left. That, too, was challeng- warding, to just be as human as you can be. No
ing, but I needed to be honest with myself. one can relate to a posture of perfection; they
can relate to someone who shares in common
As someone who was raised nonreligious, I
challenges, joys, and desires. So I try to just
had always believed in community and in do-
be as open as I can about both my imperfec-
ing goodChristian theology, however, had
tions and my aspirations to be and do good.
always felt a bit alien. I had assumed it was
You dont have to share everythingprivacy is
a package deal, so I just accepted it. When I
important, toobut it is good to demonstrate
realized I didnt have to, I decided I was an
to others that its okay to be human.
atheist.
As for why I feel that it is important to be open-
But because we live in a world largely defined
ly atheist and openly gayId like to share a
by dichotomy and us vesus them, I felt like I
story about that.
either had to be religious or against religious
expression. I was conflicted about religion for So a few months ago my mom confessed that
years. I wanted to study it, but I didnt know when she attends her Curves gym in rural

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open about who I am because its important secular humanism has met the needs because it is an affirmative statement about
for people to know that its okay to be yourself. and supported the values that you who I am and what I believe. That said, I do
once turned to Christianity for? And also strongly identify as an atheist in my pub-
Atheists are generally seen as intolerant and how, or why, does that pair up with in- lic work because there is a real stigma against
immoral, and Id like to change that because terfaith work? being an atheist and I want to fight that by
it will make the world a safer place for athe-
not shying away from the fact that I dont be-
istsand, I think, for everyone. Being gay and When I first started doing interfaith work, I did
lieve in God.
being an atheist need to be seen as legitimate, it as someone who was just religious unaf-
as viable, as destigmatized. I try to live openly filiated. I used words like atheist, secular, and In your book,Faithiest, you share
because I believe it makes it easier for other nonreligious, but none of them seemed totally how you, as an atheist, found common
people to do the same. A Gallup poll released right. They were all true, but none of them felt ground with the religious. If you were
in 2010 revealed that the majority of gay mar- like an identity. But through interfaith work a person of faith, that sort of difficult
riage supporters have a positive relationship I was exposed to people who drew a lot of work might be called a calling. How
Minnesota and people ask about her children, with someone who is gay; its harder to fear satisfaction from their own identities, and so would you describe it? What led you
she has no concerns about telling them that something you know, understand, and relate I began to feel inspired to explore my own to it and why do you stay with it?
my book is about my being gay, or that it talks to. identity and my own values a bit more. Reli-
about my work with Muslims; but that when gious friends at Interfaith Youth Core, where I actually really love the idea of a calling. The
I feel that its important for me to be open- I was interning, introduced me to the work word calling, or vocation, is derived from the
she gets to the part about how I am an athe-
ly atheist, openly gay, and intentional about of Greg Epstein and other contemporary Hu- Latinvocare, or to call, and it has religious
ist, she feels nervous because the reactions
building relationships with people who are manists. I began to explore Humanist writing, roots: it originated in the Catholic Church as
have been so polarized.
neither of those things because humanizing reading things like the Humanist Manifesto, a way of referring to the inclination for a reli-
There seem to be few atheists who say we those with different worldviews and identities which includes lines like this: Humanism is
can and should get along, but there are many through constructive dialogue creates empa- a progressive philosophy of life that, without
who denigrate the religious, and people bris- thy. Sharing stories about our experiences and supernaturalism, affirms our ability and re-
tle when they hear atheist because that is our identities, and building positive relation- sponsibility to lead ethical lives of personal
the image that comes to mind. ships between different communities, builds fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of
the pluralistic idea that all people should be humanity. The ideas I read resonated with my
Another story: last year I spoke in Mobile, AL.
treated equally and should have the same own values and priorities.
While we were discussing my visit, my mom
freedoms and protections. Or, to be a bit sim-
joked: Its kind of hip to be a gay atheist at
ple about it, that were all equally human. It may sound a bit reductive to frame it this
Harvardnot so much most everywhere else.
way, but in the same way that I dont identify
Be careful. And she was right; I definitely felt Now youre back, engaging in inter- as not a heterosexual or not a female, but
unsafe there (especially because a story on my faith work, this time from a humanist instead call myself a queer male, I think of my-
visit was run in the University paper). But Im perspective. Can you talk about how self more as a Humanist than just an atheist

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gious life as a priest, monk, or nun. During the by your willingness to engage in that specific things that people should ask them- LGBT folks can sometimes see peo-
Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther broad- work? selves, but I really do believe that its funda- ple of faithparticularly Muslims
ened its use beyond ministry so that it could mentally important that anyone who is in- and conservative Christiansas im-
It is absolutely a two way street. Atheists can
also being used to describe work in service to terested in being self-aware employs critical pediments to equality and inclu-
learn a lot from the religious, but the reverse
others, but he still used it in a religious sense. thinking in as many areas of their lives as they sion, but you share a story of bond-
is true. But, you know, this isnt just about athe-
can. Its important to ask yourself why you be- ing with a Muslim over the fears you
Today, calling is most commonly used to re- ists and the religious. All people in all com-
lieve what you believe, if everything you be- each sometimes face in public. Do you
fer to anything that someone is very passion- munities will benefit by reaching out to and
lieve makes sense in light of the other things have any advice on practical steps
ate about. Something of substance, something learning from people who belong to different
you believe, and what your central values are. that non-Muslim, or non-conserva-
that gives a person a good deal of satisfac- communities, who maintain a different iden-
Its difficult to be honest with yourself, though, tive Christian, LGBT people can take
tion. And thats definitely how I feel about my tity, who have significantly different life expe-
and everyone is inconsistent in their beliefs to forge alliances across differences?
work. A theologian by the name of Frederick riences. Every single day I meet someone who
to varying extents. But I think its paramount
Buechner once said: The place God calls you has been transformed by the reconciliation Its a bit funny to me that some of the commu-
to ask yourself if your actions align with your
to is where your deep gladness and the worlds that can grow out of interfaith work, or I hear nities my work has resonated in the most over
beliefs, to question why you hold the beliefs
deep hunger meet. Even though I dont be- from someone who has seen the dividends the last few years have been among Muslims
you hold, and to consider how your beliefs and
lieve in God, I like the underlying idea that of challenging the narrative of incompatible and Evangelical Christians. I think it seems
actions impact those around you.
a calling springs to life at a kind of intersec- cultures. I have shared many of these stories surprising because the operating assumption
tion; the location where you see a need in the in my writing, but there are countless others I
world aligning with your passions and talents. could. Bridges are being built every day where
there was previously distrust, suspicion, and
Even though my work can be frustrating and outright bigotry, and that is incredible to see.
is often quite challenging, I stick with it be-
cause the good outweighs the bad every day For me, questioning the religious be-
and I see the positive impact it makes. Right liefs of my upbringing was a scary
now, its where I feel calledeven if that just process. Now as a progressive, and
means Im calling myself there. someone engaged in faith-based
work, I like to think that Ive got it
You focus a lot in your interfaith work all figured out. Still, what are some
on the need for atheists to engage in di- key questions that LGBT Christians,
alogue and collaboration, rather than or those working within Christiani-
be isolationist and self-righteous. ty, should be asking of ourselves that
Have you seen a similar need for peo- were not?
ple of faith to engage with atheists and
how have you seen lives transformed Im not necessarily equipped to dictate a list of

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most people have is that atheists, queers, Mus- with Muslims and others, and I think it is a We may never see a perfect world, but we
lims, Evangelical Christians, and other people good place to begin. should always be striving to bring more peo-
with diverging religious convictions or iden- ple into the fold; to see the ways in which we
A common theme across your work
tities necessarily have competing, or at least all share in certain experiences, the way most
and writing seems to be coming to-
uncomplimentary, goals. of us aspire for the same things, and the ways
gether across differences. Do you
in which we are more alike than our all-too-
So some of the most powerful transformation have a big picture dream for what
tribal instincts lead us to believe. Thats my
can (and for me definitely has) come out of life might look like for LGBT people
dream right now. Ask me again tomorrow and
unexpected reconciliation between members of faith and LGBT atheists (and our
well see where Im at.
of communities that have previously known a straight friends and allies)?
lot of conflict, or that havent historically had Did you enjoy this interview with Chris? If so,
I dont think well ever live in a utopia world,
very robust or positive interactions. would you take a moment to share it? You can
but I do think it is up to each of us to make
click here to Tweet about the article.
Anyway, in terms of practical steps: I would the world better in whatever way we can. It
encourage queer folks to try to reach out, and doesnt have to be an overnight transforma-
emphasize whatever shared experiences and tion; in fact, Im not convinced such an im-
values they might have with other communi- mediate overhaul would work even if it were
ties. One way to do this is to begin by asking possible. But every day we need to make the
how you can be an advocate for others. world just a little bit better.

If, for example, youre reaching out to Mus- The march of social progress is long, slow, in-
lims, invite them to tell you about their expe- cremental, and not at all linear. (In that way,
riences being a minority in America, to share the comparison to pushing a boulder up a hill
what challenges they have faced, and to let is apt.) It requires patience and dedication. But
you know what you might do to be in solidari- right now, there arent enough marchers.
ty with them. Hopefully, they will extend their
So my big picture dream is that well someday
hand in return.
live in a world where everyone recognizes that Faitheist will be released in November 2012.
Thus, where before there was only one person they have agency, that they have a unique con- You can pre-order it now on Amazon.com.
advocating for LGBT inclusion in civic life and tribution to makeand that their neighbors
Photos of Chris Stedman by
one advocating for Muslim inclusion in civ- do too, no matter how different they might
Evan Clark, event for the Humanist Chaplain-
ic life, there are now two people advocating seem. Where people recognize that the circle
cy at Harvard; Evan Clark, speaking at Califor-
for both. Thats just one recommendation, but of who belongs must be broad enough to en-
nia Lutheran University; Jon Hooten; Shaylah
it has worked well for me in my interactions compasss everyone.
DeViney

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COMING OUT AS AN ACT OF FAITH
When LGBT people come out, we step into the unknown. For
many, it is a daring (and potentially dangerous) act of faith.

Coming out has been my single great- no, I had not. The following week, he asked if I
est act of faith. It was greater than choosing would stay behind class and we talked about
to move across the country for college, greater my answer. I hadnt accepted Jesus as my per-
than quitting my job at a television network sonal Lord and savior not because I was op-
and taking a 50% pay cut to work for The Sim- possedthe moment had simply never arose.
ple Way. Coming out was a greater act of faith He asked if I wanted to, I said yes (I actually
than when I turned my life over to Jesus and probably said Sure). That night, or maybe a
accepted Him as my personal Lord and savior. few nights later, I laid in bed and asked God/
Jesus into my heart. And with that, it was done.
I grew up attending an Evangelical Presbyte-
rian Church. My parents met in high school on I dont mean to understate my conversion ex-
a bus to YoungLife camp. Our closest family perience; it would go on to define my adoles-
friends were from church, or YoungLife, or oth- cence and young adulthood. Youth group was
erwise deeply committed Christians. Of course my central social activity throughout middle
we had friends who were non-religious or ob- and high school and friends from church were
served other religions (or practiced Christian- among my closest and most steady. My evan-
ity differently), but they were the exceptions gelical Chrisitian faith led me to bring friends
that proved the rule. to church and camp for evangelism, inspired
me to serve on work crew for YoungLife in high
My conversion experience was
school and Summer Staff in college, it took
simple and brief.
me to the Czech Republic for a service project
Mr. McKinnon, my 6th grade Sunday school building playgrounds (and playing soccer and
teacher, assigned us homework each week. wall ball with neighborhood kids).
One week, one of the questions asked if we had
But while the ramifications of that decision
accepted Jesus into our hearts. My answer was

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were great, the moment of decision was calm My friend Logan Mehl-Laituri describes the
and the consideration I gave it minimal. moment that he knew he could no longer en-
gage in violent combat within the US Armed
My decision to come out was
Forces as a crystallization of conscience. I
anything but.
felt a similar crystallization of conscience
Though I began to realize my attractions to a moment when I knew that I could no longer
other guys at around that time when boys and remain silent about the reality of my life and
girls begin to notice each other, it wasnt un- spirit. I didnt have all the answers, I didnt
til two months before my 19th birthday that I know exactly how this truth would play out
told my friends and a month after that I told or what the future would hold, but I did know
my parents. that I must act.

Before coming out, I played out every possible I remember the moment so clearly: an attrac-
scenario. How would my parents react? How tion between myself and a new friend that I
would my friends react? What next would met through high school friends. We were to-
I date? Would I ever be sexually active? How gether at a mutual friends house watching a
would I continue as a Christian? What would movie. We sat next to each other. And then,
my employment opportunities be like? slowly, our fingers and hands began to inch
together. I was approaching the point of no
What is the fate of my eternal soul?
return. Eventually, they touched; then inter-
I wanted to have it all figured out before locked. We held hands for the remainder of the
coming out. To have a neat and tidy package movie and it was like I had been born again.
to present to myself and to the world that said,
That night, after our friends had fallen asleep
This is who I am, this is what I believe, and on couches and the floor, we shared our first
this is how I will operate within the world. kiss. The next day, I (belatedly) admitted out
Thats not how it happened. Instead, a time loud to him that Im attracted to men. That
came when I knew that I could wait no longer. night, I met up with my friend Jennifer and
told her in person. The next day I told my oth-

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er best friend, Amy. Slowly at first and then If anyone comes to me and does not
picking up pace, I told friends and they told hate his father and mother, his wife
others, and then I was out. and children,his brothers and sisters-
-yes, even his own life--he cannot be
In hindsight, it seems so easy. Just say it: my disciple.

Im gay As I prepared to come out, I had to grapple


with the reality that I might lose it all every-
I like guys
thing I had known and loved and trusted and
Im bisexual held dear.
Im not actually a girl, Im a guy But I had to do it.
I like girls I had to do it because I knew that there was
I need to change my body something unshakeably true about my sexual
orientation. And though I didnt have the doc-
Whatever it might be for you. trine or the theological precepts or the Biblical
But in that moment, it felt like the entire world talking points nailed down yet, I also knew
was on the line and it was. knew in the core of my beingthat that part of
me was good, beloved, intentional, purposed.
Before coming out, I had to deal with the pos-
sibility that my parents would be furious or Coming out was a risk, an act of faith. In fact, it
embarrassed or remorseful. Would they kick was possibly my first real act of faith. And the
me out? (doubtful) Would they continue to lesson I learned from that experience contin-
pay for my college education? (Probably, but ues to inform my life and faith to this day.
not certain) Would I be welcome back at my Anything worth doing is worth losing every-
church? (unlikely) Would I ever be welcome in thing for.
a church again? (unclear)
How was your coming out experience?
Luke 14:26 quotes Jesus as saying,

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A FAITH FOUGHT FOR
Against the odds, LGBT Christians stake a claim to faith

And I am convinced that nothing can


separate us from Gods love. Neither
death nor life, neither angels nor de-
mons, neither our fears for today nor
our worries about tomorrownot even
the powers of hell can separate us from
Gods love.
Romans 8:38
You all know that being gay is wrong, right? had a girlfriend in over a year, but I would
We dont even have to cover that? the Rever- one day soon?
end Jim Byrnes asked to my 10th Grade Guys
Still, I knew that somehow when Jim spoke, he
Sunday School class one morning. The class
spoke of me. That though I hadntwouldnt
nodded in agreement. My heart clenched in-
couldntclaim the identity of Gay, his words
side my chest.
were directed at me nonetheless. I was wrong.
I was most definitely not gay. I was increas- I could feel it.
ingly aware that my relationships to/with
After that, I returned home and consulted my
guys were in some ways different than that
Bible for what it had to say on the subject of
of most of my other guy friends. But I hadnt
homosexuality. I remember looking it up for
wouldntcouldntput a label on it. I hadnt

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the first time, hoping it would disagree with I mean, sure I could. But I couldnt really.
Jim. My NIV Teen Study Bible, sadly, did not.
I tried. It was just too hard. Sometimes they
And thus began my wrestling match with my would actively preach against homosexuality,
faith. I wanted so desperately to remain a good one time a friend from Cru suggested I come
and faithful Christian and yet with each pass- listen to Derek, who is also struggling with
ing day I became more and more certain that same-sex attractions, share his testimony. But
this was part of me. Im not struggling. Im not someone who slips
up occasionally, or who is wrestling with a
//
thorn in my side.
I would, perhaps, add to the list of that which
Im gay.
cannot separate us from Gods love which Paul
lays out in Romans 8:38 another would-be Queer, even.
obstacle that has no power over us: neither
Proud, affirmed. I have discerned not only that
Christians nor their churches can separate us
my queerness is a true part of who I am but
from Gods love.
also that it is a good part of who I am.
Queer people refuse to give up.
God has not shown me otherwise. And Ive
Churches of all denominations and with all asked.
sorts of beliefs count LGBT people amongst
That put me at odds with the Christians around
their members and worshippers. The messages
me. So, for years I wandered in a desert of spir-
we received from Christianity may have been
itual isolation. Id crack open my Bible or offer
Not welcome but we are refusing to leave.
up a prayer to God or turn on the WOW CDs
The queer Christians I know are among the Id ripped on to my iTunes. But it wasnt the
most thoughtful and intentional of believers same as being surrounded and nourished by a
out there. community of friends and believers.

When I came out in college, at the University THANKSGIVING WEEKEND


of Southern California, I separated from the 2006
faith Id grown up with. While my friends from
Im home from college, sitting at the dinner
home were attending Campus Crusade for
table the day after Thanksgiving with my par-
Christ or InterVarsity or YoungLife, I couldnt.
ents. Im graduating early so in just a month

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Ill be out in the real world. And then, following my example, my family
could be reconciled to me (and we have been).
Any leads? my dad asks.
I see in Jesus what reconciliation looks like:
Ill start applying for film production jobs
Reconciliation is embodied.
closer to graduation, I offer.
I must reconcile myself in my own body. In
You should find a job with health insurance,
this bodythat I carry through the world, that
my mom adds. Thats important.
I dress up for school or work, that I use to fight
Thats not really how the film industry works or to make lovebegins the work of reconcili-
I explain. ation.

It began benignly enough. Then, somehow, in When I realized that it was up to me, it be-
a way I would never have seen coming, we are came easier. Because there was nothing any-
talking about how I am gay. And how wrong I one could do to take this faith away. Id named
am. And how, when they tell me I am making it and claimed it. Id found my Truth. And even-
a mistake, it is only because they loved me. tually I found others who share that Truth.

And in that moment I realize that they havent Together we are, every single day, building a
changed. In the past three years I thought I new world and bringing forth a new way of
was giving them space, being patient, allow- practicing faith.
ing them their process; but in reality I was
This faith that Ive fought forthat weve
being silent. They hadnt changed because I
fought foris hard won. Its not something I
hadnt asked them to change. And in that mo-
will ever take for granted. Every day I inspect
ment I also realized that America would need
it, analyze it, and question it. Its not conve-
people to ask her to change. I could be that
nient, its just True.
person.
And if Truth is for us, who can be against us?
And thus began my activism. I could no lon-
ger stand to be two halves: a gay Brian and a
Christian Brian.

The first step was reconciliation. It began


within myself. I had to reconcile myselfno
one could do it for me.

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a prayer.
Sometimes I pray and I feel like no one is listening,
but I pray anyway.
Sometimes I feel like I cant go on,
but I persist anyway.

The troubles of my life are big and scary and overwhelming.


Even if they are small and simple.

The troubles of the world are big and scary and overwhelming.
And I am only small and simple.

I swing from deepest doubt to grandest faith and back again


Just when I think Im ready to give up hope,
And still I cant shake the feeling that there is something
Im greeted with miracles
bigger.
Some are big, and others are small.
Bigger than me. Some are created by human hands and others seem to drop
Bigger than us. into creation unexpectedly.
Something that groans and creaks and is ready to burst forth.
The miracles of Creation and Humanity and the Higher Power
Something that is powerful and mighty and
and the Creator and Goodness and God keep me in awe and
refuses to be stopped.
wonder.
Sometimes there is devastation and destruction
I dont always know what I believe but I know that I want to
and chaos and pain.
take each day with faith
Still other times there is hope and beauty and redemption.
Faith that today might be better than tomorrow
Sometimesoften timesthe two go hand in hand.
And the day after better still.
Faith that I can find the courage and strength to do justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly

So help me, thats my prayer.

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A CALL FOR QUEER THEOLOGY
Our faith is a gift to the Church

the existing boxes. We are all brothers and We have more to offer the world
sisters in Christ. Gay people can be loving, than what we are not.
committed, monogamous, married too. The There is something liberating and life-saving
prevailing discussions are around why (or why about the Gospel. Ask me about how as I wait-
not) gay relationships should be affirmed. The ed in the silence and isolation of the closet
clobber passages. Adam and Eve (not Adam scared to tell anyone that I was gayJesus gave
and Steve), Sodom and Gomorra, Leviticus and me the courage and God washed me with the
abominations, Romans 1 and unnatural pas- grace and love to stay strong and true to my-
sions, 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy and homo- self. Ask Bram Wispelway about how the Gos-
sexual offenders. Those dont say what you pel motivated himwithout knowing a single
think they say about us is our reply. gay or transgender personto join theEqual-
Enough. ity Ride and be an advocate for LGBT justice
across the country. Ask Micah about the inspi-
I will no longer be defined by what I am not. If ration he finds when the scriptures say that
you have questions about my worth and dig- God has given you a name greater than sons
nity, readWhat The Bible Says (and Doesnt and daughters. Listen toShay talk about cru-
Say) About Homosexuality by Mel White, cifixion and resurrection and the real, tangi-
There is an impulse in LGBT activism toward ple are the same as their straight neighbors, read Jesus, The Bible and Homosexuality by ble meanings they have in his life. Let me talk
fitting in. That we are just the same as you, we save for the gender of their lover. Jack Rogers, watch Fish Out of Water, watch to you about how questioning my sexuality
just happen to like people of the same gen- Call Me Malcolm, read Trans-Gendered: The-
But it is not true for all of us. The beauty of caused me to look seriously at my faith and
der. Or, Im just a woman, just like any other ology, Ministry and Communities of Faith. For
gender and sexual minorities is that we get to find one deeper than I ever thought possible.
woman. the love of God stop asking me about it. Stop
upend everyones notions of sex and gender.
asking your gay friend, your lesbian daughter, Ask me about how the queers I know em-
This desire to not to rock the sexual or gen- That is our gift, not our hindrance.
or your genderqueer coworker about it. Talk to body the church in Acts where there were no
der status quo is an authentic reality for many
Similarly, there is an impulse in religious dia- your therapist or your pastor. Talk to my pas- needy persons among them in a more real
people.Many trans* people are in fact men or
logue around LGBT issues to place queers in tor, if you need to. way than I have ever seen before. How we re-
women and nothing more. And many gay peo-

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placed Leos clothes when he was mugged, because he felt sorry for them. He did that be-
how we chipped in for Micahs surgery, how cause God is, literally, there.
we supported Ashers business. Ask about how
And so when we talk about homosexuality
Matt Beams will drop whatever he is doing to
and the Bible or LGBT issues and faith do
talk you down from your own craziness. How
not talk to us about what straight, cisgender
Mayra David and Jay Bakker will stand on milk
people have to offer us queers. We dont need
crates in Madison Square Park to take a literal
any more conflicted feelings or journeys or
stand for justice.
open arms or apologies.
Listen to Peterson Toscano weave beautiful
It is so much easier than that.
stories about gender transgression in the Bi-
ble. Listen to Vincent Cervantes tell you how The only thing you need to bring is yourself.
he pieced his life (and soul) back together af- Come, rather, with questions and an open heart
ter an exorcism. Listen to Brian Adkins preach because what you will find is something trans-
without even trying while he talks to you over forming, liberating, and awe-inspiring. We will
coffee and muffins about experiencing the teach you about ourselves and you will learn
Holy Spirit at a drag show. Listen toanything more about yourself than you imagined pos-
Allyson Robinson has to say (especially about sible.
faith, family, and self-care).
And you will find God in our midst.
Talk to any of the queers in your
midst and let them awe you in so many The table is ready, you are welcome there with
deep and profound ways; ways shaped by us.
their orientations and identities but certainly
not limited to them.

Jesus hung out in the margins. With the out-


casts. With the ones the religious elite deemed
outside and undesirable. He didnt do that

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I tell you the truth, if you have
faith as small as a mustard
seed, you can say to this
mountain, Move from here to
there and it will move. Nothing
will be impossible for you.
Matthew 17:20

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ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
Brian Gerald Murphy is a filmmaker, media consultant, and social activist. He is the co-creator of the Legalize Trans* campaign and online strategies
manager for GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network. Brian was a participant in the Soulforce Equality Ride in 2007, where he and
a number of other young adults visited colleges and universities across the Western United States. Today, Brian conspires with visionary individuals
and organizations to change the world through web and media.

Thats my fancy professional bio. Heres the inside scoop: I see my work as bridging the online-offline gap. I am an activist and an entrepre-
neur. I work at an office as an employee, and online as a business owner.

My work comes in a variety of formats: free writing, via email to subscribers; shirts and merchandise with the Legalize Trans* campaign; this
monthly queer spirituality magazine, SPIT & SPIRIT; an on-going series of videos on YouTube; occasional paid online offerings; and public
speaking and workshop facilitating.

I also work as a digital strategist for non-profits. If you access it through a screen, Im figuring out how to leverage it for social good: web-
sites, social media, digital video, email marketing, online fundraising.

Did I mention I really like theology?

CREDITS
Creative Commons photography used in this issue by
Holly Lay Hartwig HKD amboo who? Hindrik Sijens Sheu Hau Chow Fabiana Zonca
Cea. Michelle Makar Parker Kevin Morris smithfineart.comt

Photographs of Brian Gerald Murphy by Robert Wm. Wood

Photographs of Chris Stedman by Evan Clark, event for the Humanist Chaplaincy at Harvard; Evan
Clark, speaking at California Lutheran University; Jon Hooten; Shaylah DeViney

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SPIT & SPIRIT

#SPITANDSPIRIT
spitandspirit.com
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