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Ali Imran Syed | 53675 |

Importance of Marriage

The marriage contract is a simple statement by which two

strangers become completely connected to one another .
Furthermore, this bond creates a new cell in a society, and that is
that of a new family . The latter is one of the utmost goals of
marriage, and rest of the matters and issues are merely secondary,
or act as supporting agents for the family structure . This is not
something that is exclusive to Islam, rather all nations and world
religions encourage this union in one way or another . For this very
reason, Islam recognizes this union as well as any progeny that
results in children, even amongst non-Muslim couples, such as if
they convert to Islam, there is no need to renew one's marriage
contract

The union and as well as the ceremony that follows are

deemed honourable . This is why Christians perform it in churches,
Jews in synagogues, and Muslims in places they deem holy or on
holy days . In Islam, marriage is given a lot of importance, even
though it may not be considered legally obligatory . This is because
marriage is a natural human need, and Islam encourages mankind
to fulfill these natural needs through appropriate channels . There
are three main aspects of marriage which Islam has emphasized a
lot: 1) actual marriage itself, 2) procreation, 3) sexual relationships .

It is for this reason why Islam encourages both men and

women to get married early . This is completely opposite to what is
a norm today or what some may presume in regards to it being a
negative action . One of the reasons why marriage is delayed in the
West is because marriage brings certain restrictions and limitations,
which Islam deems necessary . One's lust and desires need to be
controlled and not be let loose for it is this very lust that causes
many to lose their religion .

This practice of delaying marriage and fulfilling one's desires

without any restrictions is a Western practice . Look at marriages in
the past, these couples were living together for 50,60, 70 years
together. This is not the case today, where divorce rates are
soaring high .
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One thing that needs to be stated regarding the union of

marriage is that it is a blessing of Allah . Every blessing
subsequently also requires gratitude and the gratitude that a
couple can show towards this blessing is by maintaining a strong
knot between themselves . Anything that makes the union of a
family weak should be avoided and discarded . It should be
abstained from, because one the foundations of a family are
weakened, the whole house breaks apart .

But how can we maintain this bond and strengthen it? The
husband and wife need to treat each other like friends and behave
like friends with one another . With love, affection, having trust in
one another, relying and trusting one another . An additional thing
that makes the marriage blissful is that in this newly begun life,
both parties have various new responsibilities towards one another .
Each of them completes and complements one another, and thus
on their own they are incomplete . One should not assume that the
man is primary, while the woman is secondary this is not the
case . Rather, both are primary and fundamentally important to the
union, as far as sexual needs are concerned, but as well as
religious, spiritual, economical and ethical matters . This is why the
Quran states in the chapter of Rome, verse 21:

















And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed
between you affection and mercy . Indeed in that are signs
for a people who give thought .

Implying, both husband and wife are meant to be a source of

tranquility and peace for one another, in all aspects of their lives
because there is no restrictor term in the verse that restricts this
tranquility to one aspect of ones life (for example, only in sexual
matters) .

Sexual Rights & Freedom

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Islam wishes to establish a family structure which helps

reduce vices in society . One important aspect of marriage is the
fulfilment of ones sexual desires through permissible ways .
However, if there was no family union as religion provides, we
would see that men and women would be fulfilling their desires
through any way possible . This would of course create many vices
in society, and also there would have been no value left in love,
affection and the actual union of marriage which Islam has given
much importance to .

This is exactly what we witness in the West today . Sexual

freedom is at its peak, however, family structures are weak or at
times even non-existent . Moral corruption is at its peak, and we see
how this eventually results in various forms of oppression . For
example, the value of women and children is decreased . As a
matter of fact, mans own value is diminished and brought down to
the level of a mere animal .

Ontological Status of Men & Women

All created entities are part of Gods greater ontological

structure and play their role in it . Likewise, men and women are
part and parcel of this structure and play a role in it . Every time any
of them carries out an act that is not in accordance to their natural
duties, we witness ugliness, weakness, hatred and other immoral
practices emerging in a family and as well as the society .

Islams perspective on gender is secondary, and rather

humanity is what is primary . As far as the human perspective of
concerned, sexuality has no interference in it, and both man and
woman are participants in this human-ness .

One question that deserves to be addressed is why is it then

that we refer to a group of individuals when they are a mixture of
both men and women, with masculine verbs and nouns . For
example, why refer to humans as mankind, rather than womankind?
This is not because a patriarchal culture has brought this into
existence, but instead what we know is that since man is a symbol
for apparent and outwardly, while woman is a symbol for something
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hidden and internal, these terms have been appropriated as such .

An example is that of an almond whose skin is on the outside,
while it protects that what is under it .

The Quranic verses are clear cut in saying that there is no

difference in men and women near God, from the perspective of
them being men and women . Rather what has relevance for God
are the characteristics that these men and women in the verse
have been described with . Belief is what is relevant, obedience,
truth, patience, humbleness are the traits that are important and
need to be acquired regardless of gender . These are the things
which makes both men and women common participants in the
fundamental aspect of their existence, which is their humanity .

Oppression of Women in the West

We find that in the West women are treated a certain way,

and it appears to many as if women are enjoying their rights and
freedoms alongside men . This is of course only sugar-coating the
problem . Reality is quite the opposite, and statistics have shown
the extent of domestic violence that exists in certain Western
countries like America .

The supposed solutions that the West is claiming to provide

for women, are not real solutions . In fact, time and again we have
seen that they end up doing more harm to women . Removing the
veil under the guise of liberating women and granting them
freedom, or diminishing the value of Hijab, will resolve women
issues . Islam of course has placed certain measures to prevent such
atrocities, as long as the right socio-political environment is
provided .

The West generally tries its best to give women masculine

roles, or at times even swap gender roles . This naturally has
extremely negative consequences and exposes it self through
various means . Some instances are that individual and societal
spirituality diminishes . Furthermore, we see that laws have to be
changed to accommodate these changes, and more often than not
these laws allow oppression in every meaning of the concept . We
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find that women are ready to sell themselves cheaply in such a

society because their value is only seen in such petty things . While
trying to oppose patriarchy, they do not realize that such actions
such as the fashion and make-up industry only reinforced and
reaffirms patriarchal standards for what and how a woman should
be in society .

Role of Women in Family

That which forms and gives form to a family is the woman, not
the man . To such an extent that without a man (if he has died or is
not present temporarily), it is still possible for a family to exist . If,
however, a woman is not present or dies, her husband is not able to
maintain and take care of children such that it be called a family .
Thus, we see many a times that the man is pressured into bringing
another wife into his life to give form to his previous family .

The ultimate role which we find that a woman can play in her
life and her family life, is that of a mothers . A mother is able to
train her children in ways that they would never be trained as at
schools or at daycares . A mothers role begins from the moment of
conception till the time she gives birth, and as the baby grows into
adolescence and eventually a young man or woman . Even if a
mothers education is not as high, we still see that the emotional
and physical training that she can naturally provide for her child is
different than anyone who would have theoretically had learned
these training methods . Of course, however, it is ideal that a
mother indeed be educated to be able to even better serve and
bring up her children in the best of manners .

Home a Place of Tranquility

Quran describes a home as a place of tranquility. It appears that

it isnt the physical structure of the home that provides this tranquility,
but rather the fact that it holds a family within it which is the real
source of tranquility. Two verses together can be combined to
understand this notion. First is from the chapter of Nahl, verse 80:
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And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest

The second being verse 189 from the chapter of Araf:

and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security
with her

Every aspect of life is a test and struggle. However, when one

comes home, they should feel a sense of rest and at peace though of
course the trials and tribulations of God are still present. It is the mans
job to ensure that the house is in such a condition that the woman
feels at ease. However, on the contrary, it is also the womans job to
ensure that when her husband comes home, he indeed feels at peace
and is greeted with love, grace and given an opportunity to rest.

Nevertheless, this place of residence is where both husband and

wife should be able to resolve their issues, work on challenges
together, build their spiritual, psychological, and intellectual state of
mind and once they are out of those four walls, able to continue with
their struggles in life.

Believers are Compatible with One Another

One of the most important subjects in family life and as well

as family law is that of compatibility . The Quran gives us a clear-
cut principle saying that believers are compatible partners of one
another . One of the criteria in spouse selection is belief, and
determining that the partners are indeed compatible with each
other as far as their faith is concerned . That is to say, if a man is on
a very high level of faith and the woman isnt, or vice-versa, this
may not necessarily be a good match . If it were to be the case,
then the individual on a lower level should try hard to build their
faith up to match up with their partner . In fact, the other partner
with a higher degree of belief should be an active participant in
helping their spouse build up their faith .
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This is not just limited to ones spouse . Rather everyone in

the family should be striving hard to not only increase their faith
and belief, but should be on par with one another . Whether it be
ones children, ones siblings or ones parents . This is because the
notion of compatibility is not restricted to just a husband and wife,
rather it is generalized for all believing men and women .

Material Wealth and Marriage

What is an established teaching of Islam is that wealth is one

of the sources of trial, tribulation and test . Marriage albeit a
contract is not a material contract where money is exchanged for
an item . Rather it is a humane spiritual contract as opposed to a
material contract . Thus, money and finances should never be the
central focus of any marriage .

Where this notion needs to be remembered is with regards to

the dower (mahr). A union which is meant to be a humane,
intuitive, and emotional, should not be dragged into the dirt by
casting a material and financial glance at it . One must try to
practice living an average life-style right from the get go, not
chasing the material world, otherwise it becomes difficult to do so
later on since both sides have unreal material expectations . Even
when it comes to the dower, the amount should be modest and it
should not be seen as a material entity being given in exchange of
something like one sees material transactions .

Extravagance should also be avoided in wedding ceremonies

and in general family day to day life . Family life should not be
revolving around consumerism, and where material entities are
made the standard for evaluating the life quality of a family . One
must build themselves up spiritually to such an extent that they
feel needless of such things and are not occupied with them . Islam
does not say do not buy and spend money on things but the issue
here is that people tend to spend more than the limits . Islam
demands control and limits on our spending and living a modest life
in accordance to standards of a society .
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Western family lifestyle is based on consumerism . It dictates

that a good quality family life is dependant on extravagance and
consumerism . So we find both husband and wife in those societies
indulged in purchasing expensive and luxurious things like cars and
houses, or women indulged in every latest fashion trend, or make-
up accessories . This habit will never diminish because the Western
capitalistic society is designed in a way where they will keep
bringing in new fashion trends because this is how their society
makes money .

A Womans Struggle

We have a narration in our sources which says:

The struggle of a woman is providing good care (to her
husband)

During the time of the Shah when scholars would be taken as

prisoners, we find examples of their wives playing such a role . For
example, when visitations were made by certain wives to the prison
cells, they would not make it known to their husbands that they
were facing any difficulty and even the sadness of their children
would not be made known to their husbands so that they do not
face any more phycological depression while in prison . These were
wives who would ensure the well being of their husbands even
while their husbands were in jail .

On the other hand there were examples when some women

would come to meet their husbands, but instead of trying to look
out for her husband who would be in jail, they would begin
complaining . They would complain about their state of life, lack of
money, how children are not getting proper upbringing . All these
things would make the husband - who was in jail and going through
his own torture and depression even more at unease . Islam says
that this is a womans struggle . Her struggle in life is to ensure that
her husband is at ease, and this is based on Islams perspective on
the value it gives to the notion of sacrifice .
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The best example we have for caregiving is that of Fatima (s) .

After migrating to Medina, the Prophet (p) had gotten Imam Ali (a)
married to his daughter . However, it was soon after that the
Muslims began engaging in war with the enemies . For the next ten
years, whether Imam Ali (a) was engaged in battle, whether he was
injured and exhausted, or was sent on missions or that the battles
would take weeks to finish it was Fatima (s) in whom he (a) found
peace in . She was always by his side no matter what the hardship
and challenge was and they faced these challenges together . Many
are unaware of the exhaustion and struggles that these women go
through, but they are all accepted and given reward for by God .

Valuing a Revolutionary Husband

The value of a revolutionary husband needs to be recognized .

That which keeps the country running, keeps it reputation positive,
and keeps all humiliation away from it are these very revolutionary
men. Our women should feel proud of such men, because if it was
not for them, we do not know what problems we may have been
facing today .

Encouraging these men who are also husbands and fathers

to continue on this path is important, and their efforts need to be
recognized . This is because they are spending their youth in these
honourable activities, while many during this age spend and waste
away their life in vain and petty things . When this is the case, that
wives have such husbands, then we must know that their reward
and punishment is also twice as much as other women .

This criterion can be expanded onto all women who enjoy the
privilege of having a husband that is of strong faith, revolutionary
and committed for the religious cause . Meaning if such wives are
moral in their actions, God will indeed reward them twice as much
as other women because of the influence they cause in a society
due to their reputation . On the other hand, if they carry out
immoral acts, then they will indeed be deserving of a punishment
that is twice as much as normal, once again due to the harm and
corruption their actions can cause in a society .
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A note should be made here and that is that these

revolutionary men or those who claim to be revolutionary should
also try their best to be consistent with their practices . Young
revolutionary men should ensure that their education should be top
notch, and they should be visibly different and special in contrast to
those who are irreligious and not revolutionary . In this sense, both
revolutionary husbands and wives have a responsibility towards one
another . Husbands have the responsibility to ensure they are
consistent in their actions, and wives need to be grateful for what
they have .