Cybersex or computer sex or net sex is a virtual sex encounter in which two

or more persons connected remotely via a computer network send one another
sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a
form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having
actual sexual intercourse, by describing their actions and responding to
their chat partners in mostly written form designed to stimulate their own
sexual feelings and fantasies. It sometimes includes masturbation. The
quality of a cybersex encounter typically depends upon the participants'
abilities to evoke a vivid, visceral mental picture in the minds of
their partners. Imagination and suspension of disbelief are also critically
important. Cybersex can occur either within the context of existing or
intimate relationships, e.g. among lovers who are geographically separated,
or among individuals who have no prior knowledge of one another and meet
in virtual spaces or cyberspaces and may even remain anonymous to one
another. In some contexts cybersex is enhanced by the use of web cams to
transmit real-time video of the partners. Cybersex is sometimes colloquially
called "cybering". Channels used to initiate cybersex are not necessarily
exclusively devoted to that subject, and participants in any Internet chat
may suddenly receive a message with any possible variation of the text
"Wannacyber?"

Interesting statistics about cybersex

-Internet Porn Statistics showed there are about 4.2 million pornographic
websites constituting 12 % of the total websites. The pornographic pages
constitute 372 million hits and daily pornographic search engine requests
range to 68 million or 25 % of total search engine requests.
-Over 60% of cybersex addicts have not previously suffered from a history
of sexually addictive behavioruntil they discovered the Internet.
-Among many online addicts, cybersex is perceived as the ultimate safe sex
method to fulfill sexual urges without fear of disease such as AIDS or
herpes.
-89% of sexual solicitations were made in either chat rooms or Instant
Messages.
-Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography, 28,258 Internet
viewers are viewing pornography, 372 Internet users are typing adult search
terms into search engines, and every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is
made in the United States (Internet Filter Review, 2006).

Cybersex is seen by some as a humorous, pointless, insignificant

and meaningless act that carries no real emotional weight or emotional
repercussions. Others believe that the sexual feeling exhibited by
participants in virtual intercourse is very real and can be just as
emotionally significant as feelings that occur during sexual intercourse. It
also can play an important role in long-distance relationships.

Cybersex is most commonly performed in Internet chat rooms (such as IRC,

talkers or web chats) and on instant messaging systems. It is also fairly
frequent in on-line role-playing games, such as MUDs and MMORPGs, though
approval of this activity varies greatly from game to game. Cybersex is
sometimes called "mudsex" in MUDs. In TinyMUD variants, particularly
MUCKs, the term"TinySex", abbreviated "TS", is very common. See also yiff.
The increasing popularity of web cams has also resulted in an increase in
couples using two-way video connections to "expose"themselves to their online
chat partners, enhancing the act by giving it a more visual aspect. There are
a number popular commercial websites that have taken advantage of this and
allow people to openly masturbate on camera while others watch them. Couples
can also perform on camera for the enjoyment of others. Usually those
watching are masturbating to the arousing images. These websites often also
contain videotapes that people have taken of themselves. Some of the most
popular parts of these websites are videotapes of men who have powerfully
strong ejaculations. The act of exchanging sexually explicit email or SMS
messages is also sometimes considered cybersex. Such activities
facilitated by web cams are often used for the purpose of enhancing
masturbation or as an introduction to arranging a meeting for sex. While
these activities are common, it is difficult to know just how widespread they
are,and there is a paucity of statistical data on this subject.Cybersex differs
from phone sex in that it offers a greater degree of anonymity and allows participants
to meet partners more easily. In fact, a good deal of cybersex takes place
between strangers who have just met online, and unlike phone sex,
cybersex is rarely commercial.One approach to cybering is a simulation of
"real" sex, when participants try to make the experience as close to real
life as possible,with participants taking turns writing descriptive, sexually
explicit passages. Alternatively, it can be considered a form of role playing
that allows a couple to experience unusual sexual sensations and carry out
sexual experiments they cannot try in reality. Among"serious" Role players,
cybering may occur as part of a larger plot - the characters involved may be
lovers or spouses, or a character could be raped to initiate a plotline. In
situations like this, the people typing often consider themselves separate
entities from the"people" engaging in the sexual acts, much as the author of a novel
often does not completely identify with his or her characters. Cybersex is often
ridiculed because the partners frequently have little verifiable knowledge
whatsoever about each other, not even their partner or partners' gender.
However, since for many, the primary point of cybersex is the realistic
simulation of sexual activity,this knowledge is not always desired or necessary.

Rules and Regulations Implementing Republic Act No. 10175, Otherwise Known as
the Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012

Cybersex

The willful engagement, maintenance, control or operation, directly or

indirectly, of any lascivious exhibition of sexual organs or sexual activity,
with the aid of a computer system, for favor or consideration. Any person
found guilty cybersex shall be punished with imprisonment of prision
mayor, or a fine of at least Two Hundred Thousand Pesos (P200,000.00), but
not exceeding One Million Pesos (P1,000,000.00), or both.

Cybersex involving a child shall be punished in accordance with the

provision on child pornography of the Act.

Where the maintenance, control, or operation of cybersex likewise

constitutes an offense punishable under Republic Act No. 9208, as amended, a
prosecution under the Act shall be without prejudice to any liability for
violation of any provision of the Revised Penal Code, as amended, or special
laws, including R.A. No. 9208, consistent with Section 8 hereof.

MORAL ISSUES

We humans are such recreational creatures, and virtual sex, now more
commonly known as cybersex, is prevalently observed in the whole world as a
faade of our desire for love and physical connection. However, cybersex
poses incredibly numerous moral issues emphasized mostly by religious groups
and associations. The areas of concern definitely carry with them ethical
weight. Just about any of the discussions involving sins against chastity
come into play: masturbation, premarital sex, extramarital sex,
homosexuality, voyeurism, exhibitionism, sexual fantasy and sexual role
playing, fetishes, pornography, and the likes. Also coming into play are
issues related to living an integrated life in relationship to others in the
community at large.

Cybersex demotes our sexual self

Cybersex perpetually reduces ones eroticism, gentility, and then may
eventually lead to sexuality. In cybersex, the identities of the two people
are set aside and, worse come to worst; they may already feel the role
theyre enacting as.

Cybersex breaches human dignity

There is no commitment heightened in cybersex. This result in varying
attitudes engaged in the activity and those not engaged in it. Actions and
attitudes, which cybersex stimulates in people, make them what and who they
are. It prevents the person from seeing deeper the spirituality entailed in
the body and in sex.

Cybersex deteriorate our values

Sexual aberrations are raised, like masturbation, promiscuity, sexual
harassment, adultery, and much more, as a result our values degenerate since
sexual reality is depicted as somewhat ordinary and sought-after to the
laymans eyes.

Cybersex alters the essence of sexuality from being sacred to just for
pleasure
When a person becomes an object of cybersex, in due course it follows
that sexuality becomes just an object in his point of view. Cybersex no
longer demands the evolution of relationship, which so often leads to deceit
and dishonesty. Superficial acquaintances and false identities are often
made, giving no importance to respect and commitment or involvement. Cybersex
satiates only on ones primal passions.

Cybersex numbs consciousness and conscience

Sensitivity is disregarded. The person is given limitless freedom and
not bound to any responsibility by any norms. An outcome that is on par with
this is physical and emotional instability. Exercise, proper nourishment, and
sleep slip away as the person becomes so engrossed in the sexual encounter.
Thus, other areas of life are forgotten, like time with family, spiritual
activities, and relationships with people around.

CONSEQUENCES
 Consequences of sexual addiction can be mental, physical, emotional, and
social in nature. They can damage not only a persons mental and emotional
health, but also the health of his or her relationships with spouses,
friends, children, co-workers, and beyond.
Common consequences of sexual addiction include:
- Strained relationships with those close to you
- Distance and isolation
- High levels of distraction that can interfere with productivity and social
connections
- Diminished or lost trust in a relationship
- An inability to find pleasure in healthy human interactions and activities
- Separation or divorce
- Stress, anxiety, and guilt
- Depression when not engaging in or being able to engage in cybersex
activities
- Financial and legal difficulties
The consequences of sexual addiction are real and do happen. Cybersex may
seem like a harmless, exhilarating activity at first, but with each exposure,
more is required in order to achieve the same level of satisfaction.

Offline sexual exploration and activity are often marked by risks and
inconveniences. These elements are precisely what cybersex conveniently
addresses.

Cybersex activity allays fears relative to physical and health risks.

Ones sexual exploration and activity in everyday life may be dulled by
safety issues. One-night-stands or simply a sequence of sexual relationships
necessarily entails both physical and health risks. Sexually transmitted
diseases, particularly HIV-AIDS, are far from uncommon concerns when one
ventures into sexual exploration and expression, not only with the opposite
sex but also with the same sex.

Cybersex impedes risks of unplanned pregnancy and/or abortion and incidence

of rape.
Cybersex renders irrelevant the question of unplanned pregnancy and
abortion, particularly the growing conflict between pro-life advocates and
abortion rights activists. Many women have qualms in taking part in the
singles scene or dating due to the high incidence of date and acquaintance
rape.

Cybersex provides opening to sexual needs and preferences considered taboo or

culturally devalued.
There are emotional risks to sexual exploration and expression, aside from
the physical safety concerns. This is particularly true as regards ones
sexual preference or fantasies which are considered taboo or which are
culturally devalued. The overriding fear of rejection if ones sexual desires
or preferences are known deters the individual in sexual exploration or
expression. Because of this threat, the person does not discuss his/her
sexual needs and preferences with his/her partner. Those who have
marginalized sexual identities, as well as those with quite mainstream sexual
preferences and needs, experience fear of embarrassment and shame were they
to expose their sexual needs. Women may fear the social sanctions that
accompany acting in a manner counter to socialized gender roles (i.e., a
female initiating sex or being forthright about her sexual needs and
desires). An online or cyber affair appeals to these types of people since it
allows them sexual expressions and explorations without themselves being
known.
Cybersex ensures anonymity.
In cybersexual activity participants can use many pseudo names and create
profiles that have nothing to with their real life for the sole purpose of
creating appeal to other cyber users. Given the anonymity of the Web, one can
become what he or she likes. He or she can change sex, age, weight,
profession, interests, sexual likes and dislikes, etc.

The anonymity of electronic transactions provides the user with a greater

sense of perceived control over the content, tone, and nature of the online
sexual experience. They claim that unlike real life sexual experiences a
woman can quickly change partners if her cyber-lover isn't very good or a man
can log off after his orgasm without any long goodbyes For anyone who has
ever been curious about a whole range of sexual behaviors, cybersex offers a
private, safe, and anonymous way to explore those fantasies Individuals are
more likely to experiment sexually, as online users feel encouraged to engage
in their adult fantasies validated by the acceptance of the cyberspace
culture.

Cybersex opens the door widely to sexual fantasies.

Cybersexual interactions are limited to narrowband width while offline or
real life interactions are broadband width. Broadband width interaction is
face to face, communication is not only in words and vocal intonation, but is
also nonverbal through gestures expressed by varied mediums like the eyes,
body language, and clothing. In a narrowband width communication, there is
allowance for ample space for projection. This space is the one that fuels
sexual fantasies and facilitates easy connection and intimacy. Thus, many
people can create a fantasy world, a world with its own rules, norms, and
regulations which are far removed from real life.

Cybersex guarantees secrecy.

Those engaged in cybersex usually never talk about it with friends,
family, co-workers, community members, and even priests and spiritual
directors. In my long hours of hearing confessions, I only had one case of
virtual sex on the Internet between two long-distance lovers. The cases I
have met have usually been related to pornographic viewing on the Internet.

Cybersex meets sexual needs.

Those who are currently single or in a relationship in which their sexual
needs are not being met as often as they desire and in the ways in which they
desire, can find willing virtual partners online at any time of the day or
night, with no strings attached.

POTENTIAL ACTION
Managing Cybersex Problems at Home
In some instances, maintaining home use of the computer online is
necessary. Some examples are a home office, using the Internet for travel,
helping kids with homework, or managing finances. If patients need to
continue using the computer online a home, here are some simple, helpful
guidelines:

1. Move the home computer.

Isolation and the potential for getting away with illicit actions feed the
addiction. Cybersex addicts who live with others should not keep their home
computer in an isolated location. Moving it to family room or other public
area prevents secret keeping and can also help partners feel less suspicious
and uncomfortable.

2. Go online only when someone else is home.

Utilize the accountability provided by having others around. Make a
commitment not to go online when alone.

3. Online providers.
There are several online Internet service providers (IPs) offering access
only sites that their evaluation team has determined are appropriate for
children and families. Such providers exclude sexual content sites.

4. Go online for e-mail only.

If there is no reason to be searching online---dont. make a written and
verbal commitment to avoid any online searching activity. Let others gather
information or data if that becomes necessary.

5. Purchase blocking software.

Blocking software designed to eliminate access to sexual content and other
specific types of sites can be purchase and downloaded over the Internet or
purchased in computer stores. This software is a must have for cybersex
addicts who intend to go back to using the computer online. Although this
software does not provide a screen for all problem sites, it will present an
initial challenge to the addict and slow down their initial impulsivity
problem. Although, with enough effort, the software can be defeated, it
provides the cybersex addict to reflect before logging onto an inappropriate
site. It is essential when loading this software to give the access code to
someone else (preferably someone else in cybersex recovery---not a spouse or
partner). without the access code, someone who wants to act out sexually
cannot remove the blocking software.

6. Utilize bookend online activity.

One of the keys to any successful recovery program is to use support. When
going online, make it a habit to call a friend first, or better, someone from
a support group---this is book ending. By making a commitment to another
person to stay out of problem online sites and calling them back when
offline, accountability is created.

Managing Cybersex Problems in the Workplace

Acting out by going to sexual content or relationship sites while at work
creates a good possibility of being embarrassed, written-up, or losing a
valued job. Most companies have now adapted a zero tolerance policy for this
kind of behavior in the workplace. When the latest e-mail joke or an
employees baby picture is being passed around the office, company policies
are often easily forgotten or minimized. The cybersex addict may think,
Everyone is looking at something personal from their computer, whats the
big deal? But sexual activity in the workplace is a big deal. Many cybersex
addicts try to avoid being observed by staying late to access sexual content,
unaware that in the workplace they are continuosly being monitored. In a
networked system, every site and piece of mail accessed from an individual
workstation has the potential to be observed by management through programs
designed to follow him or her as they traverse the Internet. By the time they
formulate a recovery plan, some cybersex addicts have already used the office
computer to access online sexual content. Even if only the home has been
used, the office computer constitutes a significant risk for recovering
cybersex addicts. If online work in the office is an necessity, the following
steps may be helpful:
 1. Go online only during work hours.
Dont say late to work work on projects and take on assignment involving
Internet use. Avoid being alone in the office.

2. Move the position of the computer screen. If the office computer screen
faces away from people walking by or entering your workstation, move
the screen so that others can view what is being accessed or worked on.

3. Install blocking software on a work PC.

In a non networked system, this should be a fairly simple task.

4. Remove any files or history of past sexual activity from the computer.

5. Display inspirational photos around the computer screen.

Family photos are reminders of the reasons to avoid sexual content at
work.

6. Find a safe person in the workplace to turn to help when needed.

It is unlikely that anyone goes to the boss to disclose the history of
sexually acting out at work, unless having been caught. However, others can
be recruited for support and help.

7. Take breaks when feeling tempted.

Go for therapeutic walks; get out of the workplace. Find a quite place to
meditate or perform breathing exercises. A little time and distance goes a
long way toward avoiding old behavior.

8. Use the telephone.

Call other recovering people to check in for support during the workday.

Offering tools or worksheets to help clients change and monitor their

behavior offers a manageable guide for editing our their mot problematic and
potentially dangerous computer related concerns.

TREATMENT CONCERNS OF PARTNERS AND SPOUSES

Sex addiction effects not only the sex addict but also ripples through the
entire family. Like the sex addicts, spouses and partners also need healing
and can benefit from a treatment and personal recovery program. Helen, a 45-
year-old woman, had been married for 11 years. Two years into her marriage.
Helen discovered over 3,500 child pornography photos on her husband (Damon)
computer claimed he knew about them, but 2 years similar photos kept
appearing on his computer. He finally disclosed that hed been a sex addict
since his early teens and had been compulsive consumer of Internet
pornography for at least 6 years:
I was horrified! I could not believe I had married this man! Id
thought I had married the man of my dreams. After attending counseling and
promising that he would not use Internet porn again, he resumed it use. This
continued over and over, broken promise after broken promise, until we ended
up separating. After several months we got back together, only to find he had
issued yet another false promise.

PARTNERS ARE ISOLATED

Feelings of shame,self-blame, and embarrassment about having sexual
problems accompany the early da ys of dealing partners sex addiction.
These feelings often prevent the spouse from talking with others and
appealing for help.
The resulting isolation only worsens the situation. Much like the partner
of an alcoholic will cover up for drinker, denial making excuses and covering
up for sex addict is part of this stage. A 46-year-old woman, involve for
many years in an abusive marriage describes why she finally left:

His behaviors would have been public knowledge had I not shielded and
protected him. I kept friends from knowing the truth about my marriage and
husband, so that they would continue our friendship. I ended friendships with
people who got too close and knew too much. I allowed him to choose my
friends and to tape my phone calls by not confronting him about it. I allowed
him to explore three extramarital affairs.

Based on the experienced of many partners of cybersex addicts, we

recognized three stages of prerecovery.

STAGES OF PRERECOVERY
Stage One: Ignorance and Denial
Although the partner recognizes there is a problem in the relationship, he or
she is unaware of the role of sexual acting out. I knew something was wrong
the first two years of our relationship, but I could not identify it. They
believe the sex addicts denials, explanations, and promises. They tend to
ignore their own concerns and may blame themselves for sexual problems in the
relationship. When sex addicts do seem interested in relational sex, partners
may try to enhance their attractiveness through purchasing seductive
clothing, buying sexual toys, or even attempting weight loss or cosmetic
surgery. Self-esteem is clearly suffering, but spouses are unlikely to seek
help at this point as they are attempting to control the problem themselves,
often seeing themselves as being at fault. Later in Stage One, suspicions may
increase and detective work begins, snooping or detective behaviors leading
toward Stage Two.

Stage Two: Shock: Discovery of the Sex Addiction

At some point, the partner learns about the true nature of the sexual acting
out activities. The partner may discover this by accident or as the result of
deliberate investigation. Discovery of the addictive sexual activities
usually evokes strong feelings of shock, betrayal, anger, pain, hopelessness,
confusion, and shame. Many spouses describe cycles of discoveries, fights,
promises made, and later, more painful discovery. During Stage Two. The
partners ignorance and denial come to an abrupt end.

Stage Three: Problem-Solving Attempts

The partner now begins to take action to resolve the problem, perceived as
sexual acting out. At this stage, the classic sexual coaddictive behaviors
peak---becoming a personal library of information for the addict on sex
addiction and addiction recovery, snooping, bargaining, controlling access to
the cell phone, computer and so on having ultimatums, asking for full
disclosure after every episode, and (early in this stage) increasing the
frequency and repertory of sexual activities with the addict in hopes of
decreasing the addicts desire to sexually act out. A partner in Stage Three
believes that additional information will help them to manage the situation.