Diane Gayley

Heather Pate

Intro to Education

2nd, March 2017

Nervous, White, and Gay; A Cultural Autobiography

I was born 20 years ago in Urbana, Illinois, but have lived in Naperville since I was a

baby. Naperville is a rather large town, primarily inhabited by white, christian, middle class

families. I attended Naperville Central High school, one of several large high schools in the

town, the population of which reflected these demographics. Like many of my peers, I also come

from a white, middle class background. I was raised in a relatively stable environment with my

twin brother by my mother and father, whove been married for 27 years. Although my mother is

the first generation of her mothers family to all be born in the United States (they were

Germanic-Serbian immigrants), she was raised in a very Americanized household, as was my

father. Our ancestral ties (Irish, German, Serbian, etc) havent really influenced my life in any

way directly, other than awarding me whiteness, and all the privileges that come with it.

However, unlike most of my peers, I am not christian, and wasnt raised as such. My

mother is a non-practicing christian and my father is an atheist, so while my brother and I were

encouraged in two different directions respectively, we werent conditioned to believe in

anything specific. This allowed us to make observations and choices of our own as we got older.

Today the both of us identify as atheists.

However, the christianand correlating conservativemajority in my area made certain

things harder for me growing up. For instance, by the time I was twelve years old, I knew that I

was gay. Until late high school, the overarching response to gayness and anything LGBTQ at my
school was either denial/erasure or disgust. I never even knew same sex relationships were a

possibility until I was eleven, because it was never talked about in my home, in books, tv,

movies, among friends, or at school. And even after then, it was never discussed. As students, we

had to take health and human sexuality courses in fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth

grade, and 10th grade, and not once were LGBTQ people ever mentioned. I never learned about

LGBTQ history or culture. Teachers never discussed LGBTQ issues or people. They never used

LGBTQ inclusive language. Their heteronormativity was probably just seen as normal to them,

but at times it almost seemed like they were doing it on purpose. I felt horribly alone. To make

matters worse, because of this taboo, as well as learned homophobic views from their parents,

most kids thought queerness was wrong or gross. I would hear gay slurs thrown about in the halls

of my junior high, and saw kids get teased for being gaywhether they actually were or not

and never once saw anyone get in trouble for it. It wasnt until late high school when maturity,

life experiences, and access to social media began to influence my peers views on LGBTQ

issues. By the time we graduated, I had a number of friends who were openly LGBTQ. For years

I was pretty far back in the closet, and Ive only been coming out to people, and truly feeling

comfortable with my lesbian status, for the past year or so. Because of my experiences, I think

its extremely important to normalize differences in the classroom, and to educate students on

different cultures, genders, races, sexualities, abilities, and so on. Queer students are highly at

risk for mental/emotional health problems, as well as abuse from family, friends, and fellow

students. Suicide is the national leading cause of death for LGBTQ youth, and its imperative

that students feel welcome and safe at school.

Like most other LGBTQ youth, I too suffered from mental health problems. From a

young age, I showed a lot of symptoms that while at the time were often brushed aside, as I got
older became more relevant, and eventually diagnosed as mental illnesses and learning

disabilities. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is a rather severe form of anxiety

disorder that means Im on high alert 24/7 and an innumerable amount of things make me more

anxious. Ever since I can remember I have experienced serious anxiety (sometimes to the point

of physical illness), social withdrawal, depression, and panic attacks, but for years this behavior

was either brushed off as my shy personality or as a manipulative tactic. It wasnt until I was

sixteen when I was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety, a mood disorder, and ADHD. Ive

come a long way within the past year, especially after feeling more comfortable with my

sexuality and myself as a whole. Because of my experiences of dealing with these issues in a

school environment, both good and bad, I feel a great duty to students with mental and emotional

issues. I know how hard it can be, and how easy it is to get lost in the sea of students and not

receive help, no matter how much you might need it.

Something that I think really helped me deal with all my internalized feelings and fears

was my attraction to the world of art. Like most children where Im from, Ive been drawing,

painting, cutting, gluing, sculpting, and creating since I was in preschool. But unlike many of my

peers, including my more science-oriented brother, I immediately became obsessed with it. I

quickly took to creating art, and once I started elementary school, was always one of the artsy

kids in the class who went above and beyond on art-related projects. Every piece of paper I was

ever handed would quickly get covered in doodles and drawings, even tests and papers. At the

age of five I knew I wanted to become an artist. I was extremely fortunate when I got to high

school: Naperville Central has an amazing and well-funded fine arts department. I was finally

able to hone my artistic pursuits in a formal education with tons of art supplies and amazing
teachers at my disposal. Seeing them work sparked my interest in teaching, and Its because of

them that I decided to pursue a career in art education.

Like all people, my background has influenced me in certain ways, and I have certain

biases because of it, whether I try to or not. For example, my upbringing in a primarily white,

middle class suburb means I have very little experience of what its like to live in other areas.

Ive never experienced living in an urban, rural, working-class, racially diverse, white-minority,

immigrant, or non-english proficient area. Because of this, I may not truly understand or be able

to connect with students and faculty in these areas and their struggles and respective cultures, or

have the tools necessary to effectively do so. Because of my districts wealth, I was also

fortunate enough to have a well-funded and diverse fine arts program at my high school, which is

not usually the case. As a future art teacher, it is unlikely that I will ever teach in a district that

puts nearly as much money and effort into their arts programs, and Im going to have to come to

terms with that as well. Theres a lot of differences from one school to the next, and even one

student to the next. A teacher may feel more capable dealing with certain ones than others, but

the important part is to keep an open mind and treat all people and situations equally in value and

importance, despite ones personal biases.