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Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654 – 664

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Adolescent males' coping responses to domestic violence:

A qualitative study
Samuel R. Aymer ⁎
Hunter College School of Social Work, 129 East 79th Street, New York, NY 10021, United States
Available online 5 February 2008

Abstract

This article explores the coping strategies of 10 adolescent males, ages 14 through 17, who were exposed to domestic violence
perpetrated by a male parent. In-depth interviews provide the foundation for understanding their experiences, suggesting that
environmental stressors, which produce psychosocial difficulties, warrant clinical intervention, and in turn influence coping. It is
noteworthy that such behavioral problems, which are sometimes seen as pathological, can also be adaptive.
© 2008 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved.

Keywords: Adolescent; Males; Domestic violence; Coping

1. Introduction

Over the last twenty years, study after study (Carlson, 1994; Davis, 1991; Jaffe, Wolfe, Wilson, & Zak, 1990; Rivett,
Howarth, & Harold, 2006; Wolfe, Zak, Wilson, & Jaffe, 1985) show that latency age children exhibit psychological
problems due to their exposure to domestic violence. These researchers and others (Jaffe, Wolfe, Wilson, & Zak, 1986;
Osofsky, 1997) observe that boys externalize their response by exhibiting aggression while girls internalize theirs,
turning their anger toward themselves. Inquiry about young children continues to receive attention while investigation
into the effects of domestic violence on adolescents is still evolving. More specifically, its impact on poor adolescent
boys of color living in an urban context needs more exposure and needs to be better understood (O'Keefe, 1996). My
study seeks to fill that gap (Aymer, 2005).
Adolescence involves transitions, choices, connections, alienation, and risks. These processes potentially bolster
self-development and support autonomous functioning. The occurrences of domestic violence create additional
complications for poor male adolescents of color living in an urban environment, making their psychosocial
functioning difficult, and sometimes treacherous. This study was informed by social learning theory, which emphasizes
how environmental variables affect behavior. Bandura's (1973) view is that “behavior partly creates the environment,
and the resultant environment, in turn, influences the behavior” (p. 43). For the boys in this study, seemingly
dysfunctional behaviors—such as using violence to solve interpersonal problems, running away from home, and using

⁎ Tel.: +1 212 452 7115; fax: +1 212 452 7105.

E-mail address: saymer@hunter.cuny.edu.

0190-7409/$ - see front matter © 2008 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved.
doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2008.01.011
 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664 655

drugs and alcohol as coping reactions—underscore their connection with the violent familial and environmental
contexts which permeate and inform their social and emotional development (Fraser & Kirby, 1997), reminding us
once again that environment provides “the context for child development” (p. 20).
The present study not only investigates coping mechanisms, but also examines how these young men are affected by
poverty, poor parenting, social injustice, maltreatment, and parental pathology (Fraser & Kirby, 1997). The construct of
resilience underlies the research, a quality that enables children to deal with internal and external distress. Greene,
Galambos, and Lee (2003) note that resiliency theory should be considered when working with populations where risk
and vulnerability exist. They believe that both environmental and socio-cultural variables must be evaluated in order to
understand functioning.
In this study, I ask the following questions: What behavioral difficulties are evident in males exposed to domestic
violence? What risk do environmental and familial factors play in developing coping capacities? What environment
and familial circumstances impact coping behaviors? What conditions promote resilience? Given the paucity of
research on adolescent males—but also the importance of understanding all reactions to the exposure of violence—the
experiences of both boys and girls are discussed.

2. Literature review

2.1. Effects of exposure

Jaffe et al. (1986) observe the prevalence of emotional problems among children who witness domestic violence and
child abuse. One of their findings is that females run away from home, while males condone the use of alcohol and
violence. They argue that the boys may have identified with the aggressor, i.e., their fathers. Graham-Berman (1998)
underscores this observation, postulating that boys observe, then internalize, the aggression that their fathers exact
toward their mothers, a learned message, which legitimizes aggression. A similar study conducted by O'Keefe (1996)
highlights the resulting effects of different forms of family violence. The data reveal that adolescents living in low-
income households are more susceptible to child abuse than those living in higher income households, and that boys
and girls manifest emotional/behavioral problems. All of the children were affected both as witness and recipient.
Wolfe and Korsch (1994) also explore how domestic violence affects boys and girls. Similar to O'Keefe (1996),
they suggest that children evidence a range of emotional distress due to witnessing parental abuse. Highlighted is that
boys in particular have a proclivity to use violence to deal with problems, imitating their father's relational style as a
means of exerting control. Other researchers (Ehrensaft, Cohen, & Brown, 2003) concur: children exposed to physical
discipline and violence in the home can perceive aggression as a way to solve problems.
Bell and Jenkins (1991) stress that males surrounded by community violence engage in dysfunctional behaviors,
thus truncating their maturation. This corresponds with data that implies that adolescent boys who witness domestic
violence have a tendency to abuse alcohol and to engage in delinquent behaviors (Carlson, 1994). Underlying this is
that community and domestic violence occur in a context that has multiple meanings for boys, and their consequences
induce confusion and fear.

2.2. Coping

The use of internal and external resources can facilitate healthy coping. Ego strengths help develop autonomy and a
strong sense of self-efficacy (Smith & Carlson, 1997). Defenses such as modeling, denial, intellectualization, and
repression enable children to manage their parent's conflicts.
Bandura (1973) remarks, “it is evident from informal observation that human behavior is to a large extent externally
socially transmitted, either deliberately or inadvertedly, through the behavior examples by influential models” (p. 68).
Adolescent males may interpret the use of domestic violence as a legitimate method of coping with conflict, fostering a
distorted view of resolution, and predisposing them to its use. Observational learning, as Bandura describes it, offers a
theoretical base for understanding how adolescent acting out may specifically connect children to their parent's
aggression.
Goldstein (1995) contends: “[T]he situational context is a key variable in evaluating ego functioning, because some
aspects of the social environment may evoke better or worse functioning” (p. 70). Therefore, internal coping for
adolescent males is highly influenced by the external stimuli and the circumstances they are exposed to. As a result,
656 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664

externalizing behaviors (e.g., use of aggression with peers) can be viewed as an attempt to act-out anxiety and other
stressors associated with exposure to parental abuse. Clearly, the use of such behaviors is maladaptive. Spencer, Fegley,
Harpalani, and Seaton (2004) argue that “context plays a large role not only in shaping one's identity through mediating
stress and support but also by informing the way future situations are perceived” (p. 237).
External resources involve the availability of a supportive family and other caring individuals outside the family. The
former is expected to offer a stable foundation for children that fosters closeness and relatedness. Holmes (2001) stresses
that parents are influential people who provide safety and stability for their offspring. Such a foundation can facilitate a
strong bond, a protective factor that buffers stress and anxiety. Conversely, a more tenuous attachment with parents can be
a risk variable. Children may not seek support from their parents if they feel emotionally alienated. For instance, wives
who are being abused by their husbands may not be fully capable of exercising what Winnicott (1965) refers to as “good
enough mothering” because they are preoccupied with their own safety. By definition, this dynamic represents a risk factor
for children since they are unable to fully rely on either parent for support. Thus, adolescents experiencing splintered
attachments may be more prone to gravitate to maladaptive coping behaviors, such as delinquency or aggression.

2.3. Socio-demographics/ecological factors

Vera and Shin (2006) emphasize that “the social environments in which youth are embedded contain variables that
may influence disparate outcomes in health and education” (p. 81). They view poverty, racism, lack of childcare,
supervision of children, and chronic violence as “toxins” that obstruct the development of healthy functioning and
adaptation. All of these scholars imply that vulnerability is more pronounced in children when multiple risk factors
exist, especially when these are occurring in different facets of their lives.
Similar to Vera and Shin (2006), Gonzalez, Tien, Samdler, and Freidman (2000) find that “the stressors experienced
by inner-city adolescents are relatively uncontrollable and that active coping may not be efficacious in the presence of
high levels of uncontrollable stressors” (p. 9). Thus, avoidant strategies were prevalent among this population, a
method that prevents direct problem solving. Their perspective speaks to the unpredictability and fluidity of poor urban
communities, a daunting reality that shapes and reinforces an adolescent's self-concept.
Further, the functioning of African-American adolescents cannot be completely understood unless the daily hassles they
confront in the social milieu are assessed (Miller & Webster, 2002). They endure a host of pressures, such as joining a gang,
using drugs, engaging in violence, and focusing on their physical safety—all social maladies which interfere with
psychosocial adjustment. Anderson's (1999) study of inner-city street life also captures the harsh reality of what it means to
live in poor urban neighborhoods where violence can create developmental and emotional turmoil, giving rise to a
subculture he refers to as the “code of the streets.” Anderson's paradigm, like Miller and Webster's, suggests a lack of hope,
safety, opportunities, and resources, all pervasive elements amounting to a profound sense of alienation and distrust in
young people of color. He asserts that rules and mores concerning the “code” can be quite adaptive because they are linked
to adolescent survival. With regard to the subjects in my study, many subscribe to norms related to the “code” of their
respective communities; therefore, it is prudent to learn about “street life” and how that informs other domains of their lives.

3. Method

3.1. Population and sample

Jesus is seventeen and describes himself as Puerto Rican and Dominican. Although he was born in the United
States, this light skinned adolescent considers himself “Spanish”. Jesus lives with a family member because he
does not get along with his parents, who are divorced. His father is a maintenance worker and his mother is also
employed. Jesus has two siblings who reside with his parents. He is solely dependent on his part-time
employment. Jesus enjoys the following hobbies: reading, and working out at the gym. Finally, Jesus is on
probation for assaulting another young man.
Juan, a fair skinned seventeen-year-old male who was born in the United States, is seventeen and is currently
enrolled in a General Equivalency Program. His mother died of AIDS when he was seven. His father's
whereabouts are unknown, and it has been reported that he is a drug addict and dealer. Juan blames his father for
his mother's drug use and death. Juan lives with his relatives who support him financially. Tattoos of cartoon
 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664 657

characters adorn both of Juan's arms, and his eyebrows, lips and nose are pierced. Juan is on probation for
assaulting his girlfriend.
Edwardo describes himself as Puerto Rican, Dominican and Cuban. He is of medium build, seventeen years
old, and lives with two older siblings. He dropped out of high school and has no immediate plans to get his
General Equivalency Diploma (GED). He appears committed to his relationship with his girlfriend and spends a
great deal of time at her apartment. He supports himself by working as a delicatessen worker. Edwardo's parents
are separated, however, they have an amicable relationship. Edwardo has been involved in the criminal justice
system as a result of driving a stolen car.
The only African-American male in the study, Omar has caramel brown skin, is soft spoken and looks younger
than seventeen years of age. He views himself as a “good basketball player” who could become a professional
player. Living with his “baby mother,” he depends on her for financial support due to unemployment. Omar is
currently looking for a job. He dropped out of school and has no plans to obtain a GED. Omar has two brothers
and six sisters. Despite, the occurrence of domestic violence, his parents are together. His father is a security
guard and his mother is unemployed. Omar has been arrested for selling and using marijuana.
Santana recently received his GED. This articulate light skinned adolescent looks older than seventeen. He is
employed at a supermarket as a stock clerk. Santana is the only young man in the study who has no history of
drugs and/or alcohol use. Although he was born in the United States, he identifies as Hispanic. His parents are
from Puerto Rico. Santana's father is deceased and his mother is unemployed. Currently, he lives with his older
brother, as his relationship with his mother is conflictual. He has three older siblings. Additionally, Santana
assaulted his girlfriend's brother and became involved in the criminal justice system.
Interested in finding a job, Armando dropped out of high school at fifteen and he expressed no desire to obtain a
GED. His parents live in the Dominican Republic and he lives with his siblings to whom he feels connected.
Armando expressed interest in having his own apartment once he is employed. He views himself as an artist and
an athlete. Unable to find employment, Armando stole money from his neighbor who pressed changes against
him. Consequently, he was arrested.
Winston considers himself Puerto Rican and Dominican because his parents raised him to embrace both
cultures. He is sixteen and resides with family members as his parents are in the Dominican Republic. Although
they are legally separated, Winston believes they are still friends. His father is a mailroom clerk and his mother
is a hairdresser. Winston dropped out of school and did not express any wish to get his GED. Winston indicated
that he would “love” to find a job;, however, it has been difficult. He was the only young man in the study who
used his sister for emotional support in order to help him cope with his parent's fights. Arrested for stealing
money from a family member resulted in his involvement in the criminal justice system.
Angel looks younger than seventeen, and he was the only participant who saw a therapist for a year in order to
deal with the aftermath of his parent's abusiveness. Angel enjoyed talking to his therapist because he felt
“better.” He identifies himself as Puerto Rican and Hispanic, even though he was born in the United States. He
has one older brother and a sister. Angel is self-sufficient in that he has part-time employment, and rents a small
apartment. He is working on acquiring his General Equivalency Diploma. Angel's parents are divorced, and his
relationship with his father is strained. He was arrested for selling drugs.
Hector, a seventeen-year-old light skinned male with Negroid facial characteristics, was the only participant in
the study who identified himself as black and Hispanic. His parents are from Puerto Rico and the Dominican
Republic. Hector is estranged from his father who worked as a janitor; his mother was a cashier. Hector was
raised by his mother and stepfather. He has two biological brothers and one foster sibling. Unable to support
himself, he resides with relatives. Hector sought out a male counselor to help him deal with his parent's discord
and this authority figure became a role model. Hector is actively pursuing his GED and plans to obtain a job so
that he can become financially independent. He was arrested for abusing a female friend.
John's parents are legally divorced. His biological father died when he was either six or seven years of age. His
mother endured abuse from his biological father and stepfather. He has a good relationship with his mother who
resides in Puerto Rico. He lives with his maternal aunt. John is seventeen years of age, has tattoos on both arms.
658 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664

He was the only participant who referred to himself as “I am human” when the question of his race and culture
emerged during the interview. He is enrolled in a GED program and plans to work once he completes this
endeavor. He was arrested for robbery.

3.2. Data collection procedures

This qualitative study investigates the coping strategies of 10 adolescent males exposed to different forms of
domestic violence. How exposure to certain socio-demographic and ecological difficulties stressors affected them was
also explored.
A non-probability-purposive sampling procedure was employed in order to obtain a fair representation of the
population (Rubin & Babbie, 2001). The eligibility criteria for participation were only that the subjects be urban male
adolescents between the ages of 14 and 17 who had been exposed to domestic violence. All were clients at the same social
service agency in New York City. I asked the counselors to discuss the purpose of the study with those they thought were
eligible. Flyers were also posted throughout the agency. I then met with potential respondents in a group to inform them
about the study, and those who showed interest were given my business card. An interview was scheduled at a later date.
As added incentive, and reimbursement for their time, $20.00 was offered to (and accepted by) all of them.
All interviews were conducted in private at the agency. An interview guide was used to address the following domains:
emotional, physical and economic abuse, environmental factors, and coping. Each subject was interviewed once for two-
and-a-half hours, during which time they were allowed to speak freely about their parents' relationship with each other in
connection to any of those dimensions. Follow-up questions filled in the gaps they didn't spontaneously cover themselves.
Given the subject matter, subjects were afforded the opportunity to debrief in order to address feelings that emerged. There
were no obvious indications that the interview process resulted in any consequences.

3.3. Data analysis

Content analysis was used to code manifest and latent content. Coding procedures were used to categorize oral and
written communication and develop a conceptual framework (Rubin & Babbie, 2001). Themes and patterns of coping
specific to: (1) seeking social support from family and/or professionals (i.e., grandparents, uncles, teachers, counselors),
(2) acting-out behaviors, (3) playing sports, (4) engaging in aggressive behaviors, such as fights and arguments, and
(5) seeing specific forms of violence perpetrated by their fathers were all analyzed.

3.4. Trustworthiness and rigor

To achieve trustworthiness, I used a log to take informal notes and kept a journal of my more personal reactions to
the subjects and their stories. This enabled me to engage in what Padgett (1998) refers to as “reflexivity, the ability to
examine one's self” (p. 21). I also joined a support group consisting of social science professors. This allowed me to
analyze journal entries and reflect on my overall reactions to the research process.
I spoke with some of the counselors in the agency my subjects attended in order to corroborate interview data and
observations. They validated, for example, that some parents were deceased and that drugs and alcoholism were factors
in some families—all issues that emerged during data collection. Triangulation also occurred when I attended the group
meetings at the agency and heard many of the same stories the subjects shared during our interviews.

4. Findings

The material was grouped into the following areas: (1) the Violent Familiar Context; (2) Double Jeopardy: Domestic
Violence and Substance Use/Abuse; (3) Social Context/Socio-Demographic/Environmental issues; (4) On Growing
Up Young, Latino/ African-American and Male; (5) Parental Attachment; and (6) Coping.

4.1. The violent familiar context

All of the participants resided in families in which slapping, hitting, pushing and name calling were common, all acts
of abuse exhibited by their fathers and stepfathers. Juan heard “screaming and saw fights and arguments between [his]
 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664 659

Moms and Pops”. Santana reported, “My father used to slap my mother or sometimes throw bottles at her. … He used to
kick her in the stomach sometimes, too.” John said, “It would be like mostly pushing, hitting, and shoving my mother
around. … I have seen my stepfather one time smack my mother and he yelled and screamed at her.” “He grabbed her,
yelled, screamed, and pulled my mother's hair sometimes,” Winston stated. Jesus frequently witnessed physical
confrontation between his parents:
Just a lot of arguments and fights constantly about everything in the house. My mother was always scared and
one day he just hit her—bam, bam, bam—in her face. I think [she] had to go to the hospital after that.
Economic abuse was also a factor. Six respondents observed that their parents fought over money. Some fathers
could not meet their financial obligations. Others had menial jobs yet still did not want their wives to work. The
convergence of these factors created tension. Hector stated, “They just argue and yell, ‘cause my father would not pay
the phone bill and the light bill.” Winston reported, “Sometimes there was not enough money to buy food, so we was
hungry sometimes.” He recalled wanting to get a job at age nine: “If I had a job, I could help my mother out a lot, you
know.” John also wanted to earn money to “help out:”
The fight over money had to do with my mother trying to buy something for me and the rest of the family or the house.
Like one day it might be buying cereal, the next day ain't no cereal, no milk. And she would try to get a couple of
dollars from him, and he would try to bark on her, talking about ‘I just gave you money this day and that day.’
Lack of money affected everyone in the family. Some of the wives endured their husband's aggression if they said
they needed more to maintain their households. Some of the boys were deprived of their basic needs and offered to find
employment in order to circumvent their fathers' abuse.

4.2. Double jeopardy: domestic violence and substance use/abuse

Three respondents reported that one or both parents regularly drank alcohol, which naturally exacerbated the
tensions at home. Armando's father became aggressive and unapproachable while intoxicated: “He was so mean to us
when he drank. I was scared he would hurt me.” Like Armando, Santana reported, “I was afraid, ‘cause he was big guy
and sometimes I think he would beat on me or something.” John observed, “I remember at 10 or so that my Pops was
high on rum and he would act funny and argue with my mother and the family.”
Four respondents reported their fathers used and sold drugs. Although this resulted in more money coming into the
house, it also resulted in marital tensions. Angel said, “[My] family always had plenty of money ‘cause of my father's
drug business.” Drug dealing was the primary source of income in Juan's family. Unlike Angel, Juan had negative
feelings about it:
He was high most of the time [and] he was scary to look at. He would pick a fight with my mother and
sometimes the family. If he did not get his way, he would hit my mother and argue with us … He was crazy
sometime. I did not like that.
Edwardo felt ambivalent about his father's drug activities:
I did not like the way my father was dealing drugs and shit because he could'a got killed. Our family had a
whole lot of money and stuff though. But you see, we never wanted for everything ‘cause we had a lot of money
to buy food and clothes. This made me feel good. I was never hungry like some of my friends.

4.3. The neighborhood context: socio-demographic environmental issues

All of the subjects and their families frequently moved from place to place, sometimes because of their father's
abuse, disrupting ties to friends, schools, and other family members. Edwardo was six years old when he first had to
relocate: “One time, me and my brothers and sisters had to stay with my grandmother, ‘cause my father beat my mother
bad. And when we moved to the Bronx, my father came, too. Like we moved around and then my grandmother and my
cousin stayed with us.” Omar was five years old when his family moved for similar reasons.
Overcrowding was also common. Armando shared his room with his younger sister. He, Omar, Edwardo, and
Santana all lived in small apartments, which did not afford any real privacy.
660 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664

Drug selling and using pervaded respondents' neighborhoods. In Armando's neighborhood, crack dealers were
everywhere. Santana also saw his neighbors using and dealing and felt attracted to that lifestyle. At nine, Jesus saw drug
dealers in his community and this made him fearful. John also observed drug trafficking in his apartment building when
he was five. Jesus was afraid because his mother always told him that drug dealers were “bad people”, so he ignored the
crack addicts: “No one asks me to sell drugs, ‘cause I wouldn't. No one can make you do anything. … Nothing happens
if you just mind your business.”
All ten respondents directly witnessed violence in their community. Juan and Hector both saw drive-by shootings
around their blocks. Hector noted:
One of my neighbors was shot when I was about 10. I think he and this boy was fighting over something. His
mother told my mother and I went to the funeral. He was shot six times by another kid. The kid is now in jail
and I don't think he is ever going to come out. It used to be wild in my neighborhood. Living in the projects is
wild. You gotta watch your back all the time or they will smoke you.
Omar witnessed fights between rival gang members. He felt anxious and fearful because of the pervasive presence
of guns. John recalls his uncle forcing him in to come into the apartment after a gang-related fight ensued:
This made me feel safe and I did not go outside till the next day. My uncle told me that I can't stay in forever. I
was afraid, ‘cause gang fights can start up again and, if you are around, you could be killed. I would not be so
scared if it was not in my building. The next day when I went to school, I did not see them, but then there was
another gang fight around the way the next week.
Armando said, “I have to watch my back.” This curtailed his activities, making it difficult for him to play in the park
or near his school playground. Winston and Santana felt that the community violence was “bad for the people” living
there. Jesus, Winston and Santana all carried knives to protect themselves. “I feel ready to defend myself with my
knife,” Santana explained, as he spoke about his grandmother's reluctance to walk around the neighborhood. Winston
reported, “I just like to be prepared in case a knucklehead tries to do something. I can be ready to protect myself.”

4.4. On growing up young, Latino/African-American, and male

For all of the subjects, the urban experience was fraught with challenges. Some grew up in heterogeneous
communities; some in homogeneous communities. Culture clashes were evident in the former. After Juan's mother
died, he joined a street gang. He observed fights between Blacks and Puerto Ricans. Similarly, Armando saw tensions
between those ethnic groups. Yet he tried to interact with all types of people: “I would play basketball with the Black
guys and they was my friends. The Spanish guys would come and start a fight.”
John and Winston grew up in a tightly knit Hispanic community and they expressed pride in their heritage. But
everyone was poor. John said it was “hard to be a Spanish person, ‘cause you don't have nothing.” Winston made a
similar point: “Latins don't have any power in the society.” Lack of employment opportunities created obstacles.
Edwardo had a difficult time finding work because of stereotyping:
I would think, ‘Damn, they think I'm going to rob them or take they shit.’ They don't know me but they think
I'm bad. How am I gonna make money to buy things? This ain't fair. You know what I'm sayin'? I think if I
looked white, they would give me a job. It made me want to sell drugs. I would make money like that.
Omar concurred:

They are not going to hire a young black male. They think we can't read and we can't do things. It ain't that. I
can do things. When I go to look for a job, they say things slow. I think they just don't want to give young black
males jobs. Then we end up in jail. You see what I'm sayin'?
Exposure to drugs, poverty and domestic violence forced them to reflect on their circumstances. Angel said, “The
shit seems so normal, ‘cause everybody is doing and using drugs.” The abuse that occurred in his family made him
think that only Hispanics experience domestic violence:

I used to think that only Spanish people had problems ‘cause my friends’ families had the same [ones] as me.
Like, you know, it seems like Spanish people are poor and shit. And they always live in bad neighborhoods with
 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664 661

crime and drugs and shit. Look at my father. He was a drug dealer and he kicked my mom's ass. My friend
Julio's father kicked his mom's ass, too. You know what I'm sayin'? It's fucked up.

4.5. Parental attachment

All ten respondents had close relationships with their mothers, though some expressed positive feelings for their
fathers as well. “Even though my mother and father argue and fight, I like both of them,” Omar acknowledged.
Winston's mother actively discouraged him from selling drugs and being involved with “bad things.” Jesus said, “My
father, I don't even know what to say, my father is there for me, you know, to a certain extent. As a guy, he felt like you
are on your own. … You get into trouble, you're on your own.” Juan blamed his father for his mother's death:
He made her take drugs and that killed her. She was trying to get herself together. You know what I'm sayin'?
He would visit her and then, when she came out of the program, he made her use drugs again. Then she got HIV
and then she just got sick, real sick. I don't talk to him anymore, ‘cause he killed my mother. I don't know
where he lives at. Fuck him!
Many of the boys tried to talk with their mothers, or at least tried to understand why they chose to remain in the
relationship despite the abuse. Juan felt his mom just wanted to have a family. He said, “She did not want her kids to
grow up in a life that she had when she was young, ‘cause her grandfather did drugs and beat up his wife, and then he
left.” Edwardo also questioned his mother: “She told me, ‘He is your father and I love him. … Your father drinks and
that is why he is always angry, but he is a good man.’”
Take for instance Hector, who was disappointed with his mother for not leaving his father: “I still like my mother, ‘cause
she is my mother, but she should have left [him].” Edwardo went outside at the time the abuse occurred. His mother was
critical of him for that. When he questioned her decision to stay with his father and tolerate the abuse, she said, “He is your
father and he has to stay here with me. I don't want to raise no kids without their father. He is your father.”

4.6. Coping domain

Nine respondents reported feeling depressed, even suicidal, at some point in their lives. Exposure to domestic
violence and environmental distress accounted for some of that. John, Edwardo, Winston, and Angel had suicidal
feelings or made suicidal gestures. “I wanted to kill myself ‘cause of shit between my mother and father,” said Angel.
At 14, Edwardo felt “low” and “depressed a lot,” made several attempts to commit suicide, and was even hospitalized
once: “I wanted to kill myself. … I put a belt around my neck and pulled it. My sister was the one that told my mother
and they put me in the hospital.” Although Winston, Santana, Omar, Juan and Hector were not suicidal, they all felt
depressed, and related those feelings to being exposed to their parent's conflicts.
When asked what types of physical and emotional reactions they had as a result of witnessing arguments and fights
between their parents, their reactions ranged from having nightmares about violence and aggression to feeling afraid
and homicidal toward their fathers. Describing his experiences at age seven, Winston saw his father “slam” his mother:
“I had bad dreams about fights and violence after that.” At 14, John attempted to kill his stepfather: “Me and my brother
beat the shit out of him and we had a gun and we was gonna blow his fucking brains [out].” A witness at age six to his
mother's abuse, Armando said, “I never got scared, I would just watch and get mad at him,” adding, “I was like
surprised and shocked. I mean, I was a little kid, but now it's different. I get mad now that I am a man.”
Participation in athletics helped them deal with the stress, and provided temporary relief from their families and their
problems. Few social and recreational programs existed in their communities. Six of them participated in either an after
school activity or the local Police Athletic League. Three played sports and lifted weights. They felt good about their
competence and skill in that area. “I was good at [basketball]. I would make sure that nobody would beat me,” Santana
said proudly. Armando considered himself an athlete who enjoyed all types of sports. “I was a good basketball player
‘cause I am Hispanic,” Daniel bragged. Edwardo's mother encouraged religious involvement, hoping it would help him
avoid trouble:

It was okay, I guess, ‘cause she was trying to keep me from getting with the wrong crowd. I liked church ‘cause
I learned a lot and stayed out of trouble when I was young. But I kinda missed not being with my friends. I
mean I had friends in the church, but it was not the same, ‘cause you couldn't have fun.
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Juan also noted:

At first the arguments and fights were horrible. I felt bad a lot sometimes, you know. That was my mother and
father and I didn't know what side to jump to, ‘cause I didn't know who was wrong and who was right ‘cause I
was at the age where I couldn't understand what was going on. Now that I am older and I have my girlfriend, I
understand why people argue. But I would play a lot of basketball, like I [said] earlier, and leave the house when
I was young.
Healthy ways they coped included reading and getting professional help. Jesus said, “Reading made me forget about
my parent's problem,” adding, “[It] opened my mind to a lot of things. I was not a one-sided kid anymore. I saw good
and bad and [learned] right from wrong.” Angel saw a school counselor during junior high school because of his
depression: “He got me out of it. He showed me how to deal with these feelings.”
Other, unhealthy ways they tried to deal included fighting with their peers, using and selling drugs. Winston
considered joining a gang, but didn't due to the obvious risks. Three respondents used marijuana or cocaine. Juan
noted, “I could deal with shit when I was high.” John said, “I smoked weed and drank alcohol when I was like maybe
12 or 13. … I never [saw] this as bad; it stopped me from thinking about my parent's fights.” Three of them sold drugs.
Winston did it to “help out” his mother. Omar said that selling drugs made him feel “like a man.”: “I had mad sneakers,
coats, jeans, and a lot of good shit.” Angel said, “I know I took after my father. You know, he was a drug dealer and he
had a lot of money when I was growing up. We always had a lot of food and clothes.”

5. Discussion

Coping with any ongoing life stressor is difficult, and trying to handle what these young men had to go through is no
exception. Ambivalence, sadness, anxiety, depression and confusion were all part of the picture. Racial and economic
disadvantages—poverty, drugs, community violence, and crime—only compounded the problems they faced at home.
All of the males I interviewed coped in ways that were healthy and unhealthy. The more adaptive coping strategies
included reading, weightlifting, drawing, playing sports, and getting counseling. As Lazarus and Folkman (1984) point
out, the capacity to cope partially depends on the use of practical strategies. But because the subjects all had limited
resources in their communities, athletics became a viable outlet that helped them channel their feelings.
Bandura (1973) and Miller and Webster (2002) imply that coping and adaptation should be understood in the
context of the ecological factors impinging and/or bolstering psychological adjustment to stress. My study highlights
that coping with domestic violence cannot be fully understood unless race, social injustice, community maladies, as
well as object relations, are factored in. For instance, the strained marital relationship resulted in problematic
attachment between the subjects and their parents, thus truncating their development. The cornerstone of object
relations theory (Fairbairn, 1952; Greenberg & Mitchell, 1983; Winnicott, 1965) is that healthy early development is
predicated on the saliency of the parent–child relationships. Still, the subjects confronted the pernicious effects of
community violence and racial/ethnic bias without much support from their parents. But dealing with violence and
social injustice in whatever form induces stress and impacts adjustment, no matter how much support children have
(Anderson, 1991).
The ways in which we all cope are partially based on what we see growing up at home and in our communities.
These boys are no exception. Their coping—healthy and unhealthy—is linked to both, affecting their social and
emotional maturation. The healthier, more adaptive coping reactions should be appraised as strengths, some of which
may have been substitutions for more maladaptive ones, such as dealing drugs and aggressing against others.

5.1. Practice and research implications

The child welfare, mental health and criminal justice systems should focus on the impact that exposure to domestic
violence has on young men, taking into account a complex set of factors that eventually produce adolescence
behaviors. Although my study only involved 10 boys, it highlighted just how complex such exposure can be on
adolescent development. A thorough assessment is warranted to understand those effects and how they intersect with
environmental stressors. Reconceptualizing maladaptive behaviors, including aggression, violence, drug and alcohol
use as attempts to cope with a difficult situation rather than as character pathology, can deepen our understanding of and
our appreciation for what children have to face, sometimes by themselves.
 S.R. Aymer / Children and Youth Services Review 30 (2008) 654–664 663

Getting young men who are exposed to domestic violence into groups can reinforce coping skills that foster healthy
adaptation. Psychoeducational groups can challenge attitudes and feelings about the use of violence, and in some cases,
might be even preferable to individual treatment, given the fact that it carries less of a stigma (Wolfe & Korsh, 1994).
“In the minds of many African-American men, to use counseling is, in part, an admission of having a mental illness”
(Rasheed & Rasheed, 1999, p. 50).
A culturally specific group program would include the following: (1) violence prevention, (2) a reconstruction of the
notion of manhood, (3) discussions about relationships, (4) an exploration of abuse history and its effects, and (5) skill
development for dealing with environmental stressors. Carrillo and Goubaud-Reyes (1998) emphasize that a
psychoeducational intervention model prepares “offenders to learn how to be responsible for their physiological
responses to arousal, their cognitive and their affective responses, ultimately leading to an awareness of a repertoire of
behaviors” (p. 58).
The data from my study could sensitize domestic violence shelter administrators and policy makers. The distress
stemming from exposure to parent's abusive relationships often goes unnoticed, and when mothers access battered
women shelters, their older sons are frequently not permitted to stay in the facilities. Not only is the physical
construction of those shelters sometimes not conducive for them, but their gender, size, acting-out behaviors, and the
other challenges they present limit the provision of services. I believe that policies permitting older adolescents to enter
the shelter system with their mothers would represent a major paradigm shift, allowing them to receive help, thus
preventing them from becoming just like their (abusive) fathers.
The study provides one representation of the lived experiences of 10 respondents who have had therapeutic
intervention and may have been more “psychologically minded” than other young men their age. Only one male in the
study was African-American, so Latino males were disproportionately represented. Additional studies are needed to
gain a fuller understanding of African-American experiences. Further, it would be useful to recruit a larger sample of
young men to investigate any possible relationship between coping behaviors and issues of race, culture, ethnicity, and
migration.

6. Conclusion

This study explores the experiences of 10 urban adolescents, challenged by violence at home and by the infestation
of drugs, alcoholism, poverty, and crime. Their hopes and dreams were marked by a desire to change, made all the more
difficult because, though some have separated from their families or are residing with their girlfriends, all bear the scars
from their pasts. The violence they witnessed and that was sometimes perpetrated on them is, in some situations, being
replicated in their own relationships. This study highlights the vulnerability and resiliency of a population usually
ignored, both in research as well as by the social service delivery system. Therapeutic work as well as involvement in
sports and religious practice are examples of healthy, adaptive strategies which have both mitigated their experience of
violence and provided a more positive vision for the future.

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