Cristian Quijano

FHS 2400 - Family and Human Studies

2017-05-14
ROLE OF THE FATHER

For me, the concept of a defined role for either mother or father seems strange at least now. I do

remember wanting a masculine figure when I had a weak identity and no sense belonging; I wanted

to be forced into masculinity and subsequently normality through a masculine figure. I wouldnt say

my father was never father figure. Id say he was more concerned with being a parent then some

conception of father, whos job and responsibility was to teach me how to be a man. But he might

see himself that way. In many ways I think my dad sees his influence on my more stereotypical

masculine brother as calming. With mine its been largely hands off and more of constantly talking to

me about things like college, drugs, bullying, being online safe, and stuff like that which most of the

time I had already heard in school and usually stuck with me. Its my argumentative personality and

his experience of father who only allowed conformity that allowed me to be me with my dad. He

describes me as distinct from my brother in that to influence me he usually has to argue his point to

me logically, while with my brother he can talk more about his experience or tell stories. Ironically

with me, the person who tried to enforce gender roles the most on me was my mother, partly

because my dad was artistic, something also devalued by his parents which he didnt want to do to

me.

I think things like greatly influence my outlook on it all, put simply as I think both mothers and

fathers are parents first and adult role figures that may or may not transmit gender. Both parents

have to be nurturing physically, emotionally, socially, and any other way required to set the model

clear that expression and communication of any kind is appropriate regardless if youre talking to

mom or dad and maybe later, hopefully to wife, husband, best friend, brother, or sister. Both

parents must be empathic which goes hand in hand with nurturing though I mention it specifically to

emphasize that its about seeing, hearing, feeling the emotions of the child, subsequently also being

non-judgemental. I think all families have fathers all with their own ideas of what they should be. I

think, though, that men are probably at a better place now than before. And I think the change to it
being more equal and more of the same thing is better for everyone in family as no one can be

perfect and provide everything within the role they are playing. For mothers, children, everyone

really. I think men during pregnancy have the responsibility a husband has to stressed or physically

tired or sick wife in that they should be as helpful as possible while communicating and respecting

the wifes desires and trying to fulfil her wishes. I think men should have no role in abortion though

they should have a short of legal abortion where they exempt themselves from child support if its

early enough an abortion will be relatively safe. During birth is a combination of what both want. If

the wife doesnt want him there but instead outside, so be it. The husband should make their best

effort to try to be there if they can be. And again, I think that a dads responsibilities are exactly the

same as mother in that theyre both parents/caretakers and do, if the child want, provide a gender

role model.