ROLES IN THE FAMILY

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 ROLES IN THE FAMILY
Should everyone in the family have a different role?

Families are not democracies. Each family has its own ways of deciding who has the power and
authority within the family unit, and which rights, privileges, obligations and roles are assigned to
each family member.

In most families parents are expected to be the leaders or executives of the family; children are
expected to follow the leadership of their parents. As children in the middle years grow older, they
will ask for, and certainly should be allowed, more autonomy, and their opinions should be
considered when decisions are made; however, parents are the final authorities.

Considering individual family roles

It is useful to consider what roles each family member takes within the family, and whether everyone
is satisfied with the current arrangement. For example, the oldest children in the family may take on
the parental role of caring for their younger siblings. Or grandparents may acquire an important
place within the family by assuming a central child-rearing role while parents work.

Think about who is responsible for what within your own family and how the current arrangement is
working. Some responsibilities may be open to negotiation, particularly if the family does not seem
to be functioning optimally. For example, an older child may be resentful of having too much
responsibility for watching over the younger children, while the younger children may also resent the
older child playing a parental role. This will result in arguments whenever the oldest child is left in
charge. Parents need to review what is going on, discuss how the children are feeling about it, and
come up with some alternatives.

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FAMILY ROLES AND CHARACTERISTICS

FAMILY HERO SCAPEGOAT LOST CHILD MASCOT

CHARACTERISTIC Oldest child May be second May be third May be
AGES child child youngest child
SCHOOL Makes good grades Fails in school Quiet, shy, Class "cut up";
CHARACTERISTICS often goes class clown
unnoticed
OUTER A leader; Rebellious; Loner; Happy-go-lucky;
CHARACTERISTICS
Lots of activities; A "screw up"; Ill at ease with Disruptive;
others;
Admired; Angry; Hyper-
May read, listen energetic;
Goes from May try to compete to music or look
accomplishment to with the hero but at TV a lot; Family regards
accomplishment; loses out; as fragile - in
Tries not to be a need of
Teachers brag about; Stops trying to bother; protection;
please family, may
Serious, seldom withdraw; Strong Keeps focus on
plays; attachment to self
Compared to older animals;
Adult-like, extra brother or sister;
mature; No close friends
Puts on "tough
Seems to: act";
"Have it made"
"Have it all together"; Early chemical
use;
Relatives dote on;
Girl may get
Helpful at home; pregnant;

Successful away from Runs with peers

home who are like him

The following are some examples of beliefs we hold that drive our behavior.

Beliefs of the Family Hero:

"If I don't do it, no one will."
"If I don't do this, something bad will happen, or things will get worse."

Beliefs of the Lost Child:

"If I don't get emotionally involved, I won't get hurt."
"I can't make a difference anyway."
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"It is best to not draw attention to yourself."

Beliefs of the Mascot Child:

"If I make people laugh, there is no pain."

Beliefs of the Scapegoat Child:

"If I scream loudly enough, someone may notice me."
"Take what you want. No one is going to give you anything."

PARENTS ROLE

There is a tendency today to speak of 'parents' or 'carers' rather than 'mothers' or 'fathers'. People
often say that the most important thing in raising children is to give them lots of love, something that
all parents can do, regardless of whether they are a mother or a father. However, there are also
many ways that mothers and fathers can bring unique strengths to their relationships with their
children. In real people's lives, you can see these contributions, and they have been measured by
social scientists. Fathers-just like mothers-always matter.

It often is useful, as well as accurate, to generalise about average differences between men and
women. Whether these differences are due more to inborn biological chemistry, or social pressures,
or some combination of the two, is much debated.

It is generally agreed that men and women should no longer be regarded as 'opposites'. The
important thing to remember is that mothers and fathers often bring different strengths and styles to
their parenting roles. These roles complement each other, meaning that they are not
interchangeable and are each necessary for healthy childrearing.

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 GLOSSARY OF IMPORTANT TERMS
ROLES DEFINITION
Role(n) The actions and activities assigned to or required or expected of a person or
group
Autonomy(n) Personal independence
Responsibility(n) The social force that binds you to your obligations and the courses of action
Responsible (adj) demanded by that force
Privilege(n) A special advantage or immunity or benefit not enjoyed by all
Accomplishment(n) The action of accomplishing something
Accomplish(v) Put in effect; "carry out a task";
Behaviour(n) Manner of acting or conducting yourself
Behave(v)
Misbehave(v) Behave badly;
Care(n) The work of caring for or attending to someone or something;
Carer(n) Person responsible for caring
Relationship(n) A relation between people;
Raise(v) Bring up; "raise a family";
Inborn(adj) Present at birth but not necessarily hereditary; acquired during fetal
development
Complement(v) Make complete or perfect; supply what is wanting or form the complement to
Complement(n)
Interchangeable(adj) Capable of replacing or changing places with something else

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 CONVERSATION QUESTIONS

1. Whats your role in your family?

Possible answer: Well, I think that I play the role of the Family Hero. Im more responsible than my
bother in all ways and Im always thinking about doing things in the correct way.

2. Do you have the same obligations and rights than your brothers or sisters? If not, what are
the differences?
3. Have you ever taken different family roles in your family?

4. If you could choose, which children role would you take? Why?
5. Do you behave in the same way as your brothers or sisters?
6. Have you got different responsibilitites in your family depending on your roles?
7. Have you got older brothers or sisters? Is it important for you? If you havent got, would you
like to have older brothers or sisters? And younger brothers or sisters?
8. Do you like the role arrangement in your family? If not, what things would you like to
change?
9. In what ways have family roles changed in the last years?

Possible answer: From my point of view, family roles have changed in the same way as society
roles. Woman role is now in a better position than some years ago. Women have the possibility to
share responsibilities with men adn the can make as many decisions as men within the family .

10. Is your grandfathers role the same as your fathers?

11. In your opinion, is the fathers role the same as it used to be fifty years ago?
12. And the mothers role?

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13. Which is the most difficult family role to implement? And the easiest?
14. Do you think that mother and father roles complement each other? In which ways?
15. What differences do you find between a fathers role and a mothers role?

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