Revision Plan #1: Strategy Report

Sara M., Elizabeth S., Jaime P.

We were not able to receive feedback from the peer review review. The major feedback
and revision suggestions that the team received from the professor included that we need to
add more secondary sources throughout our report. We believe that adding secondary research
will make our point and the findings that we came to more valid. Other suggestions that we had
included the tightening of our point of view statement and finding ways throughout the report to
reference the point of view statement. Doing this will make our report more organized and give
the readers a clear guide as to the purpose of this paper. We will also work on focusing on one
group of students which we interviewed and making it clear that this is the group we are working
on through our empathy research. Our goal moving forward will be to provide more secondary
sources to our paper to validate the results that we got. Not only that, but we will also work more
on organizing the entire paper and ensuring that we have precise topic sentences that are
reflections of our point of view statement.
For the first draft, most of the feedback we received was on integrating secondary
research into our paper, specifically the second section. We agree that this would help
strengthen our paper as it would provide more context and evidence on our problem. We should
look for commentary from groups such as active mind for insight on our problem. Another
feedback we received was on linking the later paragraphs to the initial empathy research and
secondary research. This would show the logic and reasons that led to the development of our
solution. It would also increase the persuasiveness of the paper by explaining the purpose of
the idea stemming from interviews themselves.

We want to make revisions focusing on creating a more cohesive and organized paper
while enhancing its persuasiveness. We want to edit the paper so that the ideas are more
logically organized and prevent repetition in ideas and phrases. To enhance the persuasiveness
of the paper, we want to incorporate more secondary research that contextualizes and shows
the importance of mental health on campus. Secondly, we want to link the initial empathy
research to the final solutions. This will show how we developed and came to our solutions as a
direct result of talking to and working with students and interviewees themselves.

Timeline for Revision Plan #1 Strategy Report

- Monday
 - Jaime will finish/rewrite Section 5. Also will rewrite Section 2:
Insights from Empathy Research. Will also try to think of ways to make
something for Cover Page.
- Sara will work on linking the empathy research to the development
of ideas in the final sections and find more secondary research.
- Tuesday
- Elizabeth will be looking for secondary sources
- Jaime will work on Section 3 and Section 4 content. Make sure
our POV is the controlling idea
- Sara will edit section 2 and 3. Sara will also add a conclusions
section
- Wednesday
- Elizabeth will be finding more secondary sources and editing the
report more
- Sara will continue the conclusions section.
- Thursday
- We will all go back and read over for grammatical/spelling errors
and make sure all the sections flow well.
- Friday morning (if needed)
- We will all go back and read over for grammatical/spelling errors.