01 May 2017

Dear Mrs. Di Somma,

For my derivation of the papers I have chosen to review, my works include Deceived
Reality (Brave New World), Achromatic (Racial Profiling), and Four Walls (Juvenile Justice.) To
make these essays become a reality, a maximum amount of process work was involved in
making the papers as they are now. For Deceived Reality, papers of written notes for each
chapter were jotted down marking important events inside the novel as well as relevant quotes.
These quotes would be connected to the prompt of the Brave New World essay being, Has
Aldous Huxleys fear of a controlled society come true? In Achromatic, an article from the class
book-ERWC-was used from annotated evidence within the passage discussing of racial
profiling. Jim Crow Policing, written by Bob Herbert of the New York Times talks about the
injustice of racial stereotypes concerning todays issues of police brutality of the races including
African Americans, Hispanics, and many more. The process work of Four Walls includes a class
activity from the Juvenile Justice California Article that includes evidence, charts, and surveys
between gender, ages, and race as to whom and what is happening in our society involving
crimes committed by adolescents. From these three works I will be reviewing the abilities I have
mastered over the course of the year, some being editorializing drafts, searching for leading
evidence to my essays, and creating an eloquent topic sentence in accordance to the prompts.
From my time being in ERWC, I have acquired a new set of strengths such as blending quotes
that support the claim of the piece, being able to properly cite, and writing brief commentary in
support to the evidence used in the works. There is still needed work on skills such as making a
work cited page in the precise format, editing drafts for improvement, as well as creating the
thesis/claim for the prompt of the essay. For my academic essays written, I had to learn of MLA
format for the first time. Also forming a works cited page to properly format my pieces of work.
There is still needed development for citing evidence inside essays properly. A goal for future
essay works is creating a more clear view on my writing for readers to take in and understand
what I mean. By not focusing too much on how lavishy the commentary sounds when reading,
but by laying out in accordance to the thesis and the body passages main subject.
The first essay I had written back in October is Achromatic, my racial profiling paper. In
Achromatic, I discuss about the equal rights as American citizens underneath the famous line of
the constitution, All men are created equal. The constitution is a prime moment in history
where we as Americans fight for our rights and freedom as a colony to then become a nation
that believes in peace and equality. Now in modern times, over the last century of violence
against race and discrimination against people, it has become a well-known topic in media and
everyday life since it happens to almost anyone at anytime. The essay explaining that, ...the
first thing to notice about what is termed racial profiling is that it is not so much racial, but rather
color profiling (Corlett.) Defining that in terms of being discriminatory, we judge by the color of
our skin whether it be white, black, brown, etc. The violence seen between the different cultures
dating through history as a hate crime. In March, the class had discussed about the juvenile
justice system questioning, Is it okay to prosecute a child as an adult for an adult crime? In my
essay, Four Walls, I argue my thoughts as to how I believe an adolescent mind is not fully
developed enough to understand the reasons or causes of their actions. That as a child
committing murder, their mentality is not completely matured to understand that taking a life is a
major crime that can cost them their own life by being sentenced into an adult prison or placed
upon death row depending on the level of the crime. A child is a tiny body growing to learn of
how things are. Treating them as a full grown adult is not justifiable. It is recorded that, In an
adult system, whatever psychological counseling existed was primarily geared toward helping
an inmate cope with their incarceration is, they are not examined as to why they are in prison in
the first place (Anderson.) These children need guidance from real help. To send them to an
adult prison for the rest of their lives missing special moments meant for redemption such as
college, marriage, a family is all gone because they are locked behind bars to reflect on a crime
they were not able to understand as a child was wrong. To then later on mature and recognize
their wrongdoings, but unable to redeem their actions. My essay, Deceived Reality, written in
late April prints about the blinded society of Brave New World. The century of the time believed
to be a type of utopia to the citizens of London being another world known from now. This
community derived off of a drug, soma, to make them happy. A sex driven civilization that
condones of children playing centrifugal games such as Bumble-Puppy which teaches
consumption of good in their society to benefit the employment of the people. All of these
situations seen as strange and incompetent to our world when in theirs it is completely normal.
This culture seeing things such as nature and reading bad from expanding the mind to believe it
can do anything when their own kind are listed in classes for production of employment to keep
society stable. Classing by labels and choosing a persons place in life. The prompt of the essay
piece questioning if Aldous Huxleys fears of this type of culture has now become a reality. My
response being that I believe Aldous Huxley was indeed correct on his fears of the modern age
losing balance. In the book, quoted by the Director says, That is the secret of happiness and
virtue-liking what youve got to do. All conditioning aims at that, making people like their
unescapable social destiny (Pg. 16.) In this society of Brave New World, their lives revolve
around their classes and jobs being Gammas, Betas, Epsilons, or Alphas. When created, they
are purposely raised into their social groups being taught what they are and why they are
different than the other classes. Whether they be incredibly smart or unintellegent they are
provided a job by their ranks and forced to be happy with what they do by teachings. As
commentary, I reflect upon the modern age as we are first brought up as kids giving false hope
that we can be whoever we want and do whatever we want. That is until we start to learn more
about the bad, the negativity, and the reality of what occurs in life with us. As it was included in
his book, Huxley was afraid of society moving away from nature and nowadays we hardly need
to go outside to find entertainment anymore. That we as people would start to dislike books and
reading, which is true now that technology has expanded creating things such as the television,
the internet, and phones. Huxley had made the assumptions a very long time ago that we are
losing sight as a community of people from what we need to be careful of. And from what I had
answered in Deceived Reality, I too agree that we should be afraid of what we are capable of.
To execute my essays to completion, the much need of process work was helpful to my
ability. In my Bullying essay, Locker Room Talk, I used annotated articles from the class book
ERWC. In the articles were evidence charts between students of how they are harassed, the
percentages of bullying between boys and girls, and what acts of sexual harassment had
occurred. This had helped impact my essay including my writing by placing in the dedication to
see that there are other sources of information other than the internet to use for essays. For the
food slide presentation, I chose to review upon the aspects of world hunger in third world
countries. By labelling each fact by ethos (ethics), logos (logic), and pathos (emotion) with drafts
of how the slides were to be presented. For my presentation, I had each different slide
representing either children, women, and world hunger in different countries as a whole. To
place each fact found in articles found online, I had color-coded the three differently than the
other to help function what is to be placed in what slide. This helped in my ability to keep
organized in knowing what I was doing, what was being done, and how to distribute it into my
presentation and into my future writing works. For my third piece of prep-worked used, I had
used editing to complete my personal statement. Caught In a Riptide, my essay about my first
time ever surfing, had been editorialized twice in different ways. First with a layout that
showcases what the essay is requiring such as a topic sentence and thesis, working slowly to
have the necessary requirements written down before placing it all together in a first
hand-written draft. The hand-written draft edited by changing sentences, placing in different
synonyms than the average word, and correcting grammar and punctuation. All of this to then
type a printed version for a final draft. This impacted my responsibility as a writer and a student
to always be revising and checking my work as I go along. To make sure paragraphs are
precise and sentences make sense in comparison to the essay concept. From the many usage
of process work used over this course of ERWC, it has strengthened my abilities as a student to
understand the long and hard process to create an essay. That it cannot be done in a short
matter of time and that it takes long and hard thought and work into completing an essay.
Through the ERWC course, I have been able to obtain certain writing abilities such as
annotating the text. In Achromatic, the process work used from the ERWC book titled, Jim
Crow Policing by Bob Herbert. In the annotated article, in paragraph one, it reads The New
York City Police Department needs to be restrained. The nonstop humiliation of young black
and Hispanic New Yorkers, including children, by police officers who feel no obligation to treat
them fairly or with any respect at all is an abomination. That many of the officers engaged in the
mistreatment are black or Latino themselves is shameful. In the passage, I had circled
key-words to identify what the author emphasizes in discussion. For example, the words
obligation, abomination, Latino, and shameful are circled to showcase relevant words tying into
the thesis of the article. To the side of the paragraph I had written down that the passage shows
pathos, for Herbert is passionate in what he believes towards police brutality against minorities
as in his words--shameful. I have learned to find evidence that supports my claim to my essay in
Four Walls. In The New York Times Magazine, the article Greg Ousley Is Sorry for Killing His
Parents. Is That Enough? by Scott Anderson discusses the case of now adult Greg Ousley for
murdering his parents as a teenager. I quoted in my essay from the article, There are juvis
however that place an emphasis on youthful offenders that undergo intensive behavioral
including psychological therapy as a way for these juveniles to understand their actions and to
hopefully steer them into the right direction as they mature (Anderson.) Using this quote as a
reason as to why I believe children should not be tried as adults for they would be sent to adult
prisons who do not have the necessary aid to assist these adolescents into understanding why
they acted upon the crime. I am now able to properly cite my evidence found, now having
learned to create a work cited page. On the works cited page for Achromatic, for the evidence I
had found using an online article in my essay, I first had to list the author with last name first:
Makarechi, Kia. Next, listing the title of the article, What the Data Really Says ABout Police and
Racial Bias. After the article name, then comes where the article is printed. Makarechis article
comes from Vanity Fair, and when citing where the article comes from the proper way to cite the
site is using a comma when the rest of the affiliated commentary uses periods instead.
Afterwards, I list the date of the article when it printed being: July 14, 2016, 3:09 PM. Lastly, I list
that the evidence was found on an online site by writing, Web. A fourth skill I have learned is to
write a topic sentence for my essay. In Deceived Reality, my Brave New World workpiece, I tie
my topic sentence to the prompts question-if Aldous Huxleys fears had come true. I write,
Upon the literature of a nineteenth century realist lies an inconceivable reality remotely relevant
now than ever before within the paperback structure. I compare our modern age now to be the
closest age to the fears Huxley has distributed into his novel, Brave New World. My last skill that
I has grown over the course of the year is writing relevant commentary to the evidence used
inside the passage. In Achromatic, a quote I use from an article titled, Racial Profiling reads,
... the history of race relations in the US, particularly between law and enforcement and various
ethnic groups, is fraught with racist incidents (Corlett.) As commentary to back up my evidence,
I type: Through history it can be seen the law enforcement does indulge in ruthless acts against
non-minorities when dealing with a suspect for an illegal action, now recently has brought many
to video recordings for proof against the disagreement of how our nations protectors wont
protect everyone. My commentary correlates to my evidence used for the topic of racial profiling
in the justice system, being that now in a technological age it is not so easy for police officers to
get away with brutality against minorities as well as non-minorities for they are recorded and
taped by spectators, by cameras tapped into police cars, etc. These abilities I have used during
this year have grown stronger by each essay. There is still needed improvement for some such
as properly citing evidence such as finding enough information to place down and using
parenthetical citation, but it can be aided by more practice. Before my finished product I check
each of these skills. If the topic sentence correlates with my thesis to cover what my essay is to
discuss for the reader, if the commentary is compatible to what the evidence discusses, and
annotating text in both articles and passages.
Two of my biggest strengths in writing include commentary and introduction. For the
introduction, I am to present to the reader a small overview of what the essay they are about to
read is about by adding a topic sentence with a thesis. The thesis being the main topic in
discussion of the essay and the topic sentence being a one-sentenced overlook of it.
Commentary I never feel to have a problem with for I can type what I feel into my essay by
reading my evidence to tie it in comparison to my thesis of what I am discussing. It is easier to
reflect my opinion by typing than it is orally in my point of view. However, two weaknesses that
still need more practice on in my writing are parenthetical citations and my works cited pages.
To help in parenthetical citations I first must master my understandings of the works cited page.
This class was the first ever to introduce me to a works cited page so there is a reason why I do
not clearly understand how to cite my found evidence correctly. I know the list of what is
supposed to go, however some of the evidence I find does not include what is needed for the
citation. Sometimes the name of the author is missing, there is no title, or date of when the
article was published. Mostly being an unknown author, I find it difficult to cite the evidence in
the passage in parenthetical citation. I understand I am to cite what is next in the list for the
citation, but when citing certain quotes found in books such as Brave New World, it is difficult to
complete the citation when not understanding how to properly cite what is given from the book
being only a book page.
With the many skills I have acquired over the year, I am now able to correctly cite
evidence used in my paper. In Achromatic, I was able to correctly use parenthetical citation after
each of my evidences used and cite them on the last page for the works cited page with
authors last name first and by alphabetizing. Another skill I have obtained from ERWC is
creating a thesis statement. In Deceived Reality, I write my thesis in the introduction as: It
seems that even after so long ago Huxley could hear the ticks repeated every second that as
long as there is stability and happiness then there is nothing to worry about. Afraid so that a
book has no come alive, and the ticks now rotate. From this, I now understand that a thesis
statement is crucial when writing. For it tells what the essay is mainly about and what the main
focus is for the paper. Checking for punctuation and grammar is also a skill I have perfected
over this course. In Four Walls in the introduction, Mrs. DiSomma was able to catch a small
grammar error when typing that I had capitalized the first two letters of the word with in my
essay. With this skill I am able to review my paper for any grammar or punctuation errors before
turning in my final draft for an even better grade.
There is always needed improvement for critical reading. In a handwritten draft for
Deceived Reality, Mrs. DiSomma had marked where any of my parenthetical citations were in
question due to me not writing any citations for quotes used. In my process work for Achromatic,
in the article Jim Crow Policing from Bob Herbert, I was able to mark down each paragraph by
concluding if it was either ethos, logos, or pathos. In many of the paragraphs of the article,
keywords are circled to highlight the key aspects to police brutality and racial profiling. For Four
Walls, in the prep-work article Juvenile Justice California Article, I had marked down important
charts, percentages, and relevant facts in relation to adolescents involved in crime. I will move
on in my writing career continuing to prosper and learn more in these skills needed more
improvement on.
The skills I have learned in the ERWC course, such as MLA format and revising can be
used in class projects and college criteria. When applying for certain colleges, I was able to use
my editing and revising skills to conclude a well-written essay for a college I was accepted in.
With the essay asking about a certain topic I could easily create a thesis and topic sentence,
both skills I have grown in strength with in this course. For my government class, I am able to
correctly cite evidence included in an argument when presenting to the class or in a class
discussion. Providing that I have correct evidence from where it was found and whom it was
written by. This course has been extremely useful to those who have graduated and are now in
universities. These students still using all of the abilities used and learned in this english course.
And I know this will help me tremendously as I move on to my university to study in journalism
and communications. These courses both using skills I now know from this ERWC class. I am to
keep my notes from this class to help me for future essays when in need of aid to overlook
certain subjects and review skills able to help me succeed.
Sincerely,
Kylie Miller