There are two sisters named Maria and Ioana.

One day, they are playing down by the trees.

Ioana spots one big orange on the grass. It looks delicious.
Oh such a nice orange! exclaims Ioana and picks up the fruit.
Im sorry but I saw it first says Maria and grabs the orange from Iaonas hands.
Maria tightens her grip. This orange is mine She exclaims. But Ioana does not let go. The
girls both hold on the fruit. They shout at each other, their faces red with anger.
Because of the noise, their father approaches the girls. He watched their fight, how they
scream and shout, both holding on to the orange.
He frowns and thinks for a while. His face brightens up. He pulls out his knife, seizes the
orange from his daughters hands and with one cut divides the fruit into two halves of the
same size.
Ioana and Maria both stare at the piece of orange in their hands. They still look unhappy.
Their father is confused. I thought you were satisfied with this solution. You each got a fair
share and still you seem to want more. What is wrong? he asks.

Why do you think the girls are still unhappy? Would you be able to identify what the father
did wrong in this scenario? How do you think the story will unfold?

I just felt very thirsty and wanted to squeeze the orange for juice. Now I will only have half
and it wont quench my first. says Ioana.

And I wanted to bake a cake because I feel hungry says Maria. But for the recipe, I need a
whole orange peel. Now I only have half and cant bake my cake.

The girls look at each other and smile You can have the peel of my half once I squeezed the
juice out said Ioana

You can have the juice of my half once I peeled the skin off says Maria.

Hand in hand they walk together home leaving their confused father behind.

The most fundamental lessons to get from this are:

Regardless of what you intended to say, the communication is what the other person heard.
People who fail to take responsibility for this fail to communicate effectively.
Being a sensitive communicator implies understanding that communication does not happen
in a vacuum. You can exert more influence when you understand the frame around a
communication. The frame consists of things like the assumptions about why the discussion
is taking place, what the environment means about it, that sort of thing. NLP is a wonderful
art to help you to better understand motives, values.
When you pay attention to the frame of communication, and when you develop the learning
and flexibility that NLP teaches, you develop the ability to expand choices. Hidden frames
limit choices. Rigidity limits choices. An important aspect of linguistics in NLP has to do
with how language affects consciousness and patterns of behaviour.
Accurate about communication:
7 % of communication is verbal and 93 % is non-verbal. The non-verbal component is made
up of body language (55%) and tone of voice (38 %).
NLP:
What we say is an expression of the way we think and the way we think is influenced by the
way we speak and are spoken to. This means we can use it to understand ourselves and
others.
The map is not the territory what does that mean?
A map is a representation or model for some purpose. But all maps and models are
perceptions and have their limits. They are not reality.
Our maps of the world are all different, shaped by our values, beliefs, our family and friends,
experiences, how we code our memories, our META-PROGRAMS.
But we tend to behave as if everyone shares our map of the world even though it is unique. At
best we try to give our opinions or tell people about our map and why it is the right one. Well
NLP talks about a common sense idea: Rapport this implies being able to meet someone on
THEIR map of the world.
A key skill is being able to elicit someone elses map of the world but how?
By asking the right questions and listening. Sounds really simple but I invite you to listen to
the lack of listening at the next meeting you are in.
As I said the maps that we make in our minds are not the world itself but an internal
representation of it. There is a notion that specifies that we do not operate on the world
directly but take in information through our sense organs and using 3 universal modelling
processes.
Representational systems:
Visual:
*organized, neat and well groomed because they want to look good
*use visualization for memory and decision making
*more imaginative and may have difficulty putting their ideas in words
*speak faster than general because they have a moving picture in their mind
*want to see or be shown concepts, ideas or how something is done
*want to see the big picture
*may not remember what people have said and become confused if you give them too many
verbal instructions if you can draw a map then they can see what you are saying
*remember faces more easily than names
*be distracted by visual activity and less so by noise
Auditory:
*be more aware of subtle change in the tone of your voice and be more responsive to certain
tones of voice
*perceive and represent sequences and are able to remember directions or instructions more
easily
*learn by listening and asking questions
*enjoy discussions and prefer to communicate through spoken language rather than the
written word
*talk trough problems and like to have someone available to serve as a sounding board for
their ideas
*need to be heard
*easily distracted by noise
Kinaesthetic:
*speak slower than general
*more sensitive to their bodies and their feelings, and respond to physical rewards and
touching
*learn more by doing, moving or touching
*dress and groom themselves ore for comfort than how they look
*make decisions based on their feelings
*stand closer to people than those with a visual preference
Digital:
*have a need to make sense of the world, to figure things out, to understand
*talk to themselves and carry on conversations with you in their mind (they might ask you if
you remember that thing you have discussed and you would be puzzled quite sure there was
no such conversation- well they did have that conversation with you it just happened in their
mind)
*learn by working things out in their mind
*not to spontaneous, as they like to think things though
*logic plays a key role in the decision process as do facts and figures
*memorize by steps, procedures, sequences
Meta Models 3 universal modelling processes.

1. Deletions

Deletion is the process of selective attention. Whether this be a conscious decision or an

unconscious process it is clearly impossible to pay attention to the mass of information that
impacts your senses. At some level of awareness you have to choose what to pay attention to.
By choosing to focus in on some aspect of your sensory experience you naturally have to
delete other information, for example. To hear someone in a crowded room you may have to
concentrate in on the speaker and not listen to other conversations. Driving a car in heavy
traffic you may need to focus in on the road ahead to the detriment of the scenery that passes
you by. In a garden you may choose to enjoy the fragrance of a rose yet ignore other sights,
sounds, sensations and smells. At times deletion may be useful yet in other contexts it may
result in an impoverished experience, for example. If you delete the nice things that people
say to you and do for you, and instead focus on what they did not do or say then you may feel
unloved.

a) Nominalizations

Nominalisations are process words (verbs) which have been frozen in time to make them a
static thing (nouns). For example in the sentence, the investigation failed to find any evidence
to support the claims. The noun investigation is derived from the verb to investigate. Verbs
suggest a movement whereas nouns just 'sit there'.

Some people make statements like, "The scripture says...", or, "This is the word of God." But
both scripture and God are nominalisations. What is a scripture and who is God?

To induce trance we use nominalisations and to bring people out of trance we ask questions
that uncover the process. Believe it or not the most influential politicians and priests are
masters of hypnotism, and that is whether they acknowledge it or not!

To denominalise a nominalisation ask questions that uncover the process like, "How
specifically? How do you do the process of 'x'? What do you mean by that word?"

Use a Nominalisation to Influence Another Person

1. "Share the love." (This statement is used by a number of advertisers.)

b) Unspecified Verbs

Unspecified verbs are process words which don't specify to a greater or lesser degree what
specifically is being referred to. Something is omitted. Gather more information by asking,
"How specifically?", type questions.

Use an Unspecified Verb to Influence Another Person

1. "These solar panels will reduce your electricity bill."

2. "Both our businesses will benefit if we collaborate on this project."

c) Simple Deletions

There is a deletion when we sense that some information is missing from the statement. The
way to check is by attempting to build a clear representation in the cinema of your mind?
Start by asking yourself, "What is missing from this statement?", then ask questions like,
"About what? About whom? What do you mean by that? What specifically?"

Use a Simple Deletion to Influence Another Person

1. "This product will give you just what you need."

2. "That's great! You are finally on your way."

d) Unspecified Referential Index

An unspecified referential index is where the phrase fails to specify a person or thing. For
example, words like, "It, she, he, they, we, us, you, one, someone.", and generalizations
which refer to a group like, "Australians, the British, the man in the street, people, Christians,
politicians, journalists". Gather more information by asking: "Who, what or which
specifically?"

Use a Lack of Referential Index to Influence Another Person

1. "Your customers will love this new product."

2. "And as they say back in my homeland, as soon as you taste sashimi you will just
want to eat some everyday."

3. "You will love it."

e) Comparative Deletions

A comparative deletion is where there is a comparison involving a greater or lesser value in

which what is being compared is not specified. As in words ending in 'er' and 'est'. "Better,
best, less, least, worst, more, bigger, lighter, smaller, very, even."

Recover the comparative deletion by asking questions like, "Better than who or what
specifically? Compared to whom or what specifically?"

Use a Comparative Deletion to Influence Another Person

1. "The more that you learn the meta model, the more that you will find yourself
wanting to practice it, and the more that you practice the meta model the better you
will get on with your parents, your friends and your teachers."

2. "Even though this car has a smaller engine it has a lighter body which means the
power to weight ratio is the best in this class of vehicle."
2. Distortions

Distortion is the process which allows you to construct, manufacture, create and
manipulate sensory data. Distortion is the process of bringing in information through your
senses and then playing with that information in your mind to create new concepts, ideas and
understandings. Different ways of thinking about the world, philosophy, spirituality, religion,
ideology, fantasizing about a lover, creating new inventions, writing fiction and producing
films all rely upon the ability to distort so called reality. The ability to play with thoughts in
your mind allows you to build goals of the future - a future that causes you pain or pleasure.

a) Mind Reading

A mind read is where you think that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling
without any sensory based information to support that idea. Mind reads can take a number of
forms. One is where I think I know what you are thinking and feeling. Another is where I
think that you should know how I think or feel. One can also hold mind reads about the
future, as in crystal ball gazing and prophesying.

Gather more information about the mind read by asking, "How and what?", type questions.

Use a Mind Read to Influence Another Person

1. "You know that you have what it takes to achieve success at the highest level, don't
you?"

b) Lost Performative

A lost performative is a value judgment which does not specify who is making the judgment
of whether something is good or bad, right or wrong.

Challenge a lost performative to get the source of the belief, by asking, "Who says, according
to whom, how do you know that?", type questions.

Use a Lost Performative to Influence Another Person

1. "It's great that you are going to the gym. You will feel so much better for it."
 2. "It is a good thing you got your hair cut. It will open up more job opportunities."

c) Cause and Effect

A cause and effect meta model violation is based upon the belief that 'A' causes 'B' when in
fact there may be no factual evidence to support that belief. In the context of linguistics the
cause is wrongly put outside of self. The belief is that something occurs in the world that
makes you think or feel a certain way. An event in the world 'A' causes you to feel/think 'B'.

But we are the meaning makers - that is no one can make you feel a certain way; no one can
make you angry; no one can make you fat and no one can make you think a particular way or
act in a particular way (putting aside the context of torture or indoctrination)

A cause and effect linguistic pattern is recognized by the use of words such as, "makes,
because, if... then, as... then, since, so".

Gather more information about a cause and effect by asking, "How specifically?", and
counter example type questions to learn how the person does the process of making
themselves feel and act in a particular way.

Use a Cause and Effect to Influence Another Person

1. "Studying these Meta Model examples makes you want to learn more about NLP."

d) Complex Equivalence

A complex equivalence is about the relationship between two thoughts, ideas, events or
objects. Where meaning is attributed to an event. Something means something else, that is
A=B. For example, a man is late for his dinner date. The woman says out loud with a
disappointed tone of voice, "You are late." She thinks to herself, "He does not love me
anymore." She then decides to go out with another man. When her partner asks her why, she
says, "Well I thought that you did not want to be with me."

A complex equivalence can be recognized as two separate thoughts, statements, ideas or

events that are connected in the way that A=B. What is missing is the linkage such as 'that
means',' that just means', 'it must be that'. Once we have identified the complex equivalence
we can challenge it to gather more information.

A complex equivalence is different to a cause and effect. "I hate it when you are late.", or,
"You make me angry when you are late," is a cause and effect. "You being late means you
don't love me is a complex equivalence." The complex equivalence is at a higher level of
abstraction.

Challenge a complex equivalence to get the two statements that are linked, and/or to get a
counter example. For example, "So does A have to equal B? Does it always have to mean
that? Could it mean something else?"

Use a Complex Equivalence to Influence Another Person

 1. "Learning how to use the Meta Model means that you will be able to torture your
teachers at School."

2. "Buying a desk diary will mean that you become a lot more efficient which means
that you will make a lot more money which means that you will get to go on that
holiday in January."

e) Presuppositions

A presupposition is the condition or element in a statement which has to be true in order for
the sentence to make sense. But in doing so we may accept something that is either true or
false.

We challenge a presupposition to get specific details and learn the truth of the matter. The
questioning method could be, "How do we know if that is even true? etc

3. Generalizations

Generalization is the process by which you take an element of your model of the world
and use it to represent an entire category of experience. For example, a small child learns
that things have 'handles' which enable them to be held, moved, opened and manipulated in
some way. For example, a cup has a handle; a door has a handle; a key can be thought of as a
handle; a bag has a handle; a knife and fork are handles which give you a tool to cut and hold.
A tap is a handle to open and close water flow; an 'on off' switch is a handle; a remote control
device for a television has a number of handles called 'buttons', and so on.

Generalizations can work for or against you. For example, having one bad experience with a
member of one religion does not mean that all the people who share that religion are the
same. In one context it may not be okay to use certain types of words but that does not
necessarily mean that it is not okay in other contexts. Having one bad experience with a
woman does not mean all women are the same, yet when people create these types of
generalizations it may limit rather than enhances their lives.

a) Universal Quantifiers

A universal quantifier is an absolute generalization (universal generalization) that excludes

exceptions by stating that something is true for everything. You can recognize a universal
quantifier by the words, "all, always, every, never, everyone, no one, no body, none".

Challenge the universal quantifier to get a counter example by repeating the key word back
to the speaker and marking it out by using intonation, volume and a questioning tonality.

Use a Generalization to Influence Another Person

1. "Everyone is going to want to buy one of these gadgets."

2. "If you take this supplement you will never get sick."

3. "No one is better suited for this job than you are."
b) Modal Operators

Modus operandi (MO) refers to one's typical method or style of moving through the world. A
modal operator is a type of adverb that precedes a verb and indicates whether we act out of
necessity or possibility - that is, because we have to do something or because we want to do
something. Modal operators are related to the motivational styles of moving away-from what
we don't want, and moving towards what we do want.

Whether you do what you have to or what you want to it will still fulfill some value - either
an away-from value or a towards value, or both. The number of values the action fulfills and
the relative importance of those values will influence the strength of the motivation. Modal
operators also determine the boundaries of what is possible for us to achieve.

Modal operators can be chained to move us from necessity to possibility. For example, read
the following series of statements and notice how it changes your frame of mind:

"I don't want to leave the house but I should do some exercise. I think I could go to the beach.
I know I can go the beach. Yes, I want to go the beach. I am going to the beach. I will go to
the beach."

Gather more information about a modal operator by asking, "What would happen if?" What
would happen if you didn't? What stops you?" You can also ask lost performative type
challenges by asking, According to whom?" In some cases repeat the word and mark it out
using a questioning tonality.

Modal Operators of Necessity. As in 'should, should not, must, must not, have to, need to, it is
necessary'.

Modal Operators of Possibility. As in 'can, can not, will, will not, would, may, may not, it is
possible, it is impossible'.

"Can not", is interesting because the speaker is saying they, "Can do the process of 'not'...
(Richard Bandler).

Use a Modal Operator of Possibility to Influence Another Person

"At the moment you probably can't see yourself hiring a film crew but as you think about
that right now you might begin to.