Colour

Can you name the colors in English? Yes, youre right. Blue, red, yellow, and so on. By the way, I have
funny story about the colors. Do you want to hear it? Okay, listen to me carefully.
One day, an English teacher was explaining about colors to his students.
After he had finished explaining, he asked his students. Who can make a sentence using the
words green, pink, and yellow?
Kris the cleverest student in the class, quickly raised up his hand and answered, when the yellow
morning sun comes, I see a beautiful girl wearing a pink dress walking through the green grass.
Great! Kris, you are a very good student. said the teacher.
Me, me, sir Niel, the most stupid student in the class said while rising his hand. And the said, I
heard the telephone was ringing green green, then I pink up the receiver and I said Yellow, whos
speaking there?

Half of the day

Once upon a time there was a group of students that are difficult to concentrate in learning because
of the weather when it was snowing very thick. They just sit and quietly wait for the announcement of
the long holiday.

Unwittingly speakers located at the corner of the class reads and seemingly from principals' attention
to the students, because the snow is so thick today. Then you will only attend school for half days. "

All of the students in the class cheered with delight, but after pausing for a moment of cheering
students, the principal continued the announcement: "You will continue learning activities this
afternoon"
Once upon a time there was a group of students that are difficult to concentrate in learning because
of the weather when it was snowing very thick. They just sit and quietly wait for the announcement of
the long holiday.

Unwittingly speakers located at the corner of the class reads and seemingly from principals' attention
to the students, because the snow is so thick today. Then you will only attend school for half days. "

All of the students in the class cheered with delight, but after pausing for a moment of cheering
students, the principal continued the announcement: "You will continue learning activities this
afternoon"

It's time for you to go to school

In the early morning, there was a mother who trying to woke up her son.
Wake up, my son. Its time for you to go to school
Why i should? no, no way!.
Give me some reason why you didn't want to came?.
Well, most of the teacher hate me so much, and another is the kid in that school hate me to
What? that was not a reason for you to stay here. Come on, grab your uniform and go to school.
Okay, give me another reasons, why should i came to school.
Well, first youre 48 years old and the second, you are the Headmaster!

1. Michael
Okay students. Listen to me. I have a good story. The story is about a boy named Michael. He was ten
years old. He was not a very good pupil. Why? Because he didnt like doing his homework. What did he
like then? Oh, he liked playing in his leisure time. He liked football very much. Do you know why he
didnt like doing his homework? Because he always made a lot of mistakes when he did it.
Well, one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Michaels homework and found that all his homework
was correct. Wow, thats a good job! Of course students, the teacher was very pleased and surprised.
So, he called Michael to his office and said to him, Michael, youve got all your homework right this
time. Youre doing great. Well done, Michael. Did your father help you?
No, sir Michael said, Usually my father did it for me. But last night he was very busy. He had a
meeting. So, he couldnt do my homework. Then, I had to do it by myself.

2. Customers are right.

Marto had apprenticeship at repairing shop in middle semester holiday. In the third day, Marto fought
with the costumer. Then he called by the owner.

Marto, your behavior was very bad. All of the workers at this repairing shop are prohibited to fight with
the costumer. In this repairing shop, the costumers are always right!

But sir Marto cant continue his words because being cut by the owner.

Dont be protest! Ok, I will forgive you. But next time dont do it again. Now tell me, what happened
with that costumer? asked the owner of repairing shop.

We fought because the costumer said that the owner of repairing shop was pettifogging and likes to
corrupt said Marto.

Orientation : Marto had apprenticeship Then he called by the owner.

Event : Marto, your behavior asked the owner of repairing shop.
Twist : We fought because the costumer said that the owner of repairing shop was pettifogging and
likes to corrupt said Marto.

3. That Phone is Off

Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his
own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for a few
hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
It must be my first customer Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be
very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and
expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish
his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; I am from the telephone company and I was
sent here to connect your telephone

The Necklace
Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a
little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in
his hand, an invitation card:
The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of
Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th.

Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring. Why,
darling, I thought youd be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion. She looked at him out
of furious eyes, and said impatiently: And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?

Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed Why dont you go
and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. She uttered a cry of delight. Thats
true. I never thought of it.

Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a
large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands
trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at
sight of herself.

The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite
above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced
to her. She left the party about four oclock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes.
But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to
the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. You must write to your
friend, he said, and tell her that youve broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended.
That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace

She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and
hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried
up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the
butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money.
While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchants accounts, and often at night
he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to
to buy and replace the necklace.

She went to meet Madame Forestier.

You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it

How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?

Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for
it. You realise it wasnt easy for us; we had no money. Well, its paid for at last, and Im glad indeed.

Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said;

Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!

Horseman In The Sky

Carter Druse was born in Virginia. He was a southerner. When the United States was divided by a terrible
civil war, Carter decided to join the Union Army of the north.

He told his father about his decision to join the north army. His father looked deep into his sons eyes.
Carter, No matter what happens, be sure you always do what you think is your duty.

One sunny afternoon, Carter was sent to guard. It was his duty to be sure that no enemy soldier spied on.
Suddenly, he saw a man on horseback standing on the huge rocky cliff. He held a gun in his right hand,
and the horses reins in the other. Unavoidably, Carter pointed his gun. Carter was calm as he pulled the
trigger.

Soon after firing his gun, Carter was joined by a Union sergeant. Did you fire? The sergeant whispered.

Yes.

At what? The sergeant continued.

A horse

Was there anyone on the horse? The sergeant asked again.

Yes.
Who? The sergeant kept asking.

My father.

=
Honey, Whats For Supper?
An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called
her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an
appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile theres a simple informal test
the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
Heres what you do, said the doctor. Start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a
normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a response.
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and hes in the living room. He says
to himself, Im about 40 feet away, lets see what happens. Then in a normal tone he asks,
Honey, whats for supper?
No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and
repeats, Honey, whats for supper?
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks,
Honey, whats for supper?
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. Honey, whats for supper?
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. Honey, whats for supper?
Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!
=

The Perfect Husband?

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man
engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room
stops to listen.
MAN: Hello
WOMAN: Honey, its me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes
WOMAN: Im at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: $80,000.
MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the
market. Theyre asking $950,000.
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.
WOMAN: OK. Ill see you later! I love you!
MAN: Bye, I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: Anyone know whose phone is???!!!
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Goat Jumping into Deep Hole
Two men were walking through the woods and come across a very big deep hole. Wowthat
looks deep. One replied,Sure does toss a few pebbles in there and we will see how deep this
hole is. Then they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait no noise Geeez. That is
really deep here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.
After that, they pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait and
wait. but no noise they heard.

Wow.. They were really impressed with how deep hole it was. They look at each other in
amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, Heyover here in the weeds,
theres a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss railroad tie in this hole, its must
make some noise.

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. But, not a sound comes from the
hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward
the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the
air and into the hole. The goat disappeared into the deep hole.

The two men are astonished with what theyve just seen. How could a goat jump into the hole?
Then, not long after that, out of the woods comes a farmer. He seemed to seek something and
asked to the two men, Hey two guys have you seen my goat out here?

Feeling amazing with what they saw of a goat jumping to the hole, they answer straightly,You bet
we did! Craziest thing Ive ever seen! A goat came running like crazy and just jumped into this
hole!

The farmer thought a moment and said, That could not have been my goat. Because my goat was
chained to a railroad tie. Then he left the two men.
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Loving Money Too Much

There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of
his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money
more than just about anything.

Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my
money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife. So he asked his
wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket
with him.

Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in
black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said Wait just a minute!

She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the
undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, I hope
you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.

The wife turned to her friend and replied; Yes, because I have promised. Then she continued; I
cant lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him. Feeling
shocked, her friend said; You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with
him? Then the wife answered; Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my
account and I just wrote him a check.

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The Boss and The Trainee
A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and
shouted into the phone, Get me a coffee quickly!
The voice from the other side responded, You fool youve dialed the wrong extension! Do you
know who youre talking to, dumbo?
No, replied the trainee.
Its the Managing Director of the company, you fool!
The man shouted back, And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?
No, replied the Managing Director. Thats Good!, replied the trainee and put down the phone!
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Private Conversation
Last week I went to the theatre. I had a very good seat. The play was very interesting.

I did not enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking
very loudly.I got very angry. I could not hear the actors. I turned around. I looked at the man and
the young woman angrily. They did not pay any attention.

In the end, I could not bear it. I turned around again. I could not hear a word I said angrily.Its
none of your business the young man said rudely. This is a private conversation
Source: This funny story is taken from: English New Concept
Generic Structure Analysis of Spoof text about Private Conversation
1. Orientation: introducing a writes as point of view I which is in a theatre last week.
2. Series of Events: some event happened relating to the participants
a. Event 1: the other theatregoers, young man and young woman, were talking noisily.
b. Event 2: the writer used physical language by turning around to the young man and young woman talk
to not to make noisy.
c. Event 3: the write used verbal language by saying I could not hear a word.
4. Twister: the young man misunderstood the writers word and said; Its none of your business. Its a
private conversation.
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