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SundayReview | OPI NI ON

AmericaMadeMeaFeminist
ByPAULINAPORIZKOVA JUNE10,2017

Iusedtothinkthewordfeministreekedofinsecurity.Awomanwhoneededto
statethatshewasequaltoamanmightaswellbeshoutingthatshewassmartor
brave.Ifyouwere,youwouldntneedtosayit.Ithoughtthisbecausebackthen,I
wasaSwedishwoman.

Iwas9whenIfirststeppedintoaSwedishschool.Freshlyarrivedfrom
Czechoslovakia,Iwasbulliedbyaboyforbeinganimmigrant.Myonefriend,a
tinylittlegirl,punchedhimintheface.Iwasimpressed.Inmyformercountry,a
bulliedgirlwouldtattleorcry.Ilookedaroundtoseewhatmynewclassmates
thoughtofmyfriendsfeat,butnooneseemedtohavenoticed.Itdidnttakelong
tounderstandthatinSweden,mypowerwassuddenlyequaltoaboys.

InCzechoslovakia,womencamehomefromalongdayofworktocook,clean
andservetheirhusbands.Inreturn,thosewomenwerecajoled,ignoredand
occasionallyabused,muchlikedomesticanimals.Buttheywerementally
unstabledomesticanimals,likemilkcowsthatcouldgoberserkyouifyoudidnt
knowexactlyhowtohandlethem.

InSweden,thehousekeepingtaskswereequallydivided.Soonmyownfather
wascleaningandcookingaswell.Why?Hehaddivorcedmymotherandmarried
aSwedishwoman.

Ashighschoolapproached,theboyswantedtokissusandtouchus,andthe
girlsbecameagroupofbenevolentqueensdispensingfavors.Themoretheboys
wantedus,themorepowerfulwebecame.Whenagirlchosetobestowherfavors,
theluckyboywasenviedandcelebrated.Slutshaming?Whatsaslut?
Condomswereprovidedbytheschoolnursewithoutquestion.Sexeducation
taughtusthedangersofvenerealdiseasesandunwantedpregnancy,butitalso
focusedonfunstufflikemasturbation.Foragirltoownhersexualitymeantshe
ownedherbody,sheownedherself.Womencoulddoanythingmendid,butthey
couldalsowhentheychosetobearchildren.Andthatmadeusmore
powerfulthanmen.Thewordfeministfeltantiquatedtherewasnolongera
useforit.

WhenImovedtoParisat15toworkasamodel,thefirstthingthatstruckme
washowdifferentlythemenbehaved.Theyopeneddoorsforme,theywantedto
payformydinner.TheyseemedtothinkIwastoodelicate,ortoostupid,totake
careofmyself.

Insteadoffeelingcelebrated,Ifeltpatronized.IclaimedmypowerthewayI
hadlearnedinSweden:bybeingsexuallyassertive.ButFrenchmendontwork
thisway.Indiscos,Idsetmyeyeonanattractivestranger,andthendancemy
wayovertolethimknowhewasachosenone.Moreoftenthannot,hefled.And
whenhedidntrun,heaskedhowmuchIcharged.

InFrance,womendidhavepower,butasecretone,likeahiddenstiletto
knife.Itwasallaboutmanipulation:thesexyvixenluringthemantodoher
bidding.ItwasntuntilIreachedtheUnitedStates,at18,andfellinlovewithan
AmericanmanthatItrulyhadtorearrangemyculturalnotions.

ItturnedoutmostofAmericadidntthinkofsexasahealthyhabitora
bargainingtool.Instead,itwassomethingsecret.IfImentionedmasturbation,
earswentred.Orgasms?Menmadesmuttyremarks,whilewomenwentsilent.
Therewasafinelinebetweentheprivateandtheshameful.Aformergynecologist
spokeoftheweatherwhendoingapelvicexam,asifIwereaVictorianmaiden
whodrathernotknowwhereallmybitswere.

InAmerica,awomansbodyseemedtobelongtoeverybodybutherself.Her
sexualitybelongedtoherhusband,heropinionofherselfbelongedtohersocial
circles,andheruterusbelongedtothegovernment.Shewassupposedtobea
motherandaloverandacareerwoman(atafractionofthepay)whileremaining
perpetuallyyouthfulandslim.InAmerica,importantmenweredesirable.
Importantwomenhadtobedesirable.Thatgottome.
 IntheCzechRepublic,thenicknamesforwomen,whethersweetorbitter,
fallintotheanimalcategory:littlebug,kitten,oldcow,swine.InSweden,women
arerulersoftheuniverse.InFrance,womenaredangerousobjectstotreasure
andfear.Forbetterorworse,inthosecountries,awomanknowsherplace.

ButtheAmericanwomanistoldshecandoanythingandthenisknocked
downthemomentsheprovesit.Inadaptingmyselftomynewcountry,my
Swedishwomanpowerbegantowilt.Ijoinedthewomenaroundmewhowere
strugglingtodoitallandfailingmiserably.Inowhavenochoicebuttopullthe
wordfeministoutofthedustydrawerandpolishitup.

MynameisPaulinaPorizkova,andIamafeminist.

PaulinaPorizkova,aformersupermodel,istheauthorofthenovelAModel
Summer.

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AversionofthisopedappearsinprintonJune11,2017,onPageSR10oftheNewYorkeditionwith
theheadline:AmericaMadeMeaFeminist.

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