Forgetting name

Youre at a business convention chatting with a colleague, when up walks a man, the head of some
major department, a guy you know youve met before. Hey there, Sam! he says as he shakes your
hand. Then he waits for you to introduce him to your colleague. The only problem? You cannot for the
life of you remember his name. Awkwardness ensues. And a potential business deal evaporates. Many
people arent expert at remembering names, but its no big deal! Its not uncommon to forget names of
people you havent met for some time. It happens to almost everyone from time to time but none the
less remembering names is very important.

The key to being a charismatic gentleman is making others feel important. And what better way to
make someone feel important than by remembering their name? Remembering someones name tells
them that they were special enough to have made a real impression on you. And everybody wants to
feel special.

And saying someones name is a powerful persuasion tool. It makes people feel at ease and
comfortable. Legendary success writer and Mr. Charisma himself, Dale Carnegie, once said that a
persons name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

But if youre like me, remembering names isnt your strong suit. I can remember faces and I can
remember names, but I often have trouble putting the two together.

Repeat early, repeat often. When you first meet someone, repeat their name as soon as you learn it.
That will help sear the persons name into your memory. Say something like, Hi Jill, nice to meet you!
or Pleasure to meet you, Jill.

After that initial repeat, use the persons name as much as you can throughout the conversation without
coming off as a cheesy used car salesman. Where are you from, Jill? Hows the weather in Toledo this
time of year, Jill? How do you know the bride and groom, Jill? You get the idea. Again, be natural and
dont over do it.

To really burn the name into that noggin of yours, make sure to end your conversation by repeating the
persons name one final time. Great meeting you, Jill. I hope we can stay in touch.

Not only does this technique help you remember someones name, it also makes you seem charming. As
we mentioned, people love the sound of their own name.

Have them spell it out. Hearing a person spell their name can help you remember it, especially if its an
unusual name. If its a common name, but has different spelling variations, ask the person which
variation he or she uses. For example, if a persons name is Bryan, you can ask, So is that Bryan with a y
or Brian with an i? He answers, Its Bryan with a y. Now whenever you see that person, you can think,
Thats Bryan with a y.
Facebook. Facebook puts a picture of the person right next to their name. How easy is that? I plan on
reviewing Facebook before I go to my 10 year high school reunion this summer. I dont want to have
long-lost high school friends come and give me a hug while I say, Hey you! Its really you!

What to Do When You Forget a Name:

Confess and ask

Business card/phone number

When youre making introductions.

What if youre standing with a friend, and someone walks up and waits for you to introduce them, but
you cant remember their name? Say to the person, Have you met my friend, Mike? The person will
then hopefully say to Mike, No I havent. Nice to meet you. Im Luke.

Its not uncommon to forget names of people you havent met for some time. It happens to
almost everyone from time to time. You must have encountered

Many people arent expert at remembering names, but its no big deal! There are two ways to
solve the name problem. With a little self-knowledge, we know when to use cognitive
artifacts(like paper and pencil) to help us. And if you dont have any handy, you can always say
to your friend, You know, Im sorry, I forgot your name, what was it again? in that case, two
things can happen: seven out of ten times the person will happily tell you their name, but three
out of ten times, the person will look at you stupidly and say You know, Im so glad you asked, I
forgot your name too, what is it? Either way you demonstrate your humility by asking. We
know that no one is perfect, everybody forgets and having humility is a trait everyone can
appreciate.

Youre at a business convention chatting with a colleague, when up walks a man, the head of some
major department, a guy you know youve met before. Hey there, Sam! he says as he shakes your
hand. Then he waits for you to introduce him to your colleague. The only problem? You cannot for
the life of you remember his name. Awkwardness ensues. And a potential business deal evaporates.

__________________

The key to being a charismatic gentleman is making others feel important. And what better way to
make someone feel important than by remembering their name? Remembering someones name
tells them that they were special enough to have made a real impression on you. And everybody
wants to feel special. Thus there are few better, and easier, ways to build rapport then to answer,
You probably dont remember my name, with, Of course I do!

And saying someones name is a powerful persuasion tool. It makes people feel at ease and
comfortable. Legendary success writer and Mr. Charisma himself, Dale Carnegie, once said that a
persons name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

But if youre like me, remembering names isnt your strong suit. I can remember faces and I can
remember names, but I often have trouble putting the two together.

Theres actually a perfectly good reason for this common human foible.

Our brains process faces differently than other bits of information, including names. A study done in
1971 showed that we have a much easier time recalling faces than we do abstract ideas like letters,
numbers, and yes, even names.
But fear not, aspiring gentleman. With a little bit of savvy and know-how, you can overcome this
shortcoming and become a master at remembering names. You can be the man who walks into a
party and works the room like a pro.
Today well discuss some of the tried and true methods for remembering peoples names, throw in
some ways to take advantage of new technology to aid in this process, and end by outlining how to
deal with a situation where your best intentions fail and someones name slips your mind.

How to Remember a Persons Name

Commit to listening and remembering. Most of us are lousy listeners. In social situations, we fall
prey to conversational narcissism and are always waiting for a moment we can jump in and add our
two cents. If youre concentrating on what youre about to say when someone introduces
themselves, their name will go in one ear and out the other just like that. If you arent intently tuned
in during that tiny window, the opportunity to learn their name passes in mere seconds and youre
sunk.
Before going into any social situation where youll be meeting new people, commit yourself to being
as attentive as possible during introductions. Just having that extra mental focus can go a long way
in helping you remember names.

Repeat early, repeat often. When you first meet someone, repeat their name as soon as you learn
it. That will help sear the persons name into your memory. Say something like, Hi Jill, nice to meet
you! or Pleasure to meet you, Jill.
After that initial repeat, use the persons name as much as you can throughout the conversation
without coming off as a cheesy used car salesman. Where are you from, Jill? Hows the weather
in Toledo this time of year, Jill? How do you know the bride and groom, Jill? You get the idea.
Again, be natural and dont over do it.
To really burn the name into that noggin of yours, make sure to end your conversation by repeating
the persons name one final time. Great meeting you, Jill. I hope we can stay in touch.

Not only does this technique help you remember someones name, it also makes you seem
charming. As we mentioned, people love the sound of their own name.

Have them spell it out. Hearing a person spell their name can help you remember it, especially if
its an unusual name. If its a common name, but has different spelling variations, ask the person
which variation he or she uses. For example, if a persons name is Bryan, you can ask, So is that
Bryan with a y or Brian with an i? He answers, Its Bryan with a y. Now whenever you see that
person, you can think, Thats Bryan with a y.
Use a mnemonic device. If someone has an especially unusual or a foreign name, even having
them spell it out wont help much. In that case, try to break their name up into real words that sound
like the syllables in their name. Katie Couric famously revealed that she remembered how to
pronounce the name of the president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, by thinking, Im a dinner
jacket. This technique is highly effective. After reading Courics comment, I have never forgotten his
name or how to say it.
Visualize the persons name on their forehead. As soon as you hear the persons name, visualize
their name stamped in big block letters across their forehead. Keep that mental picture on their
forehead the entire time that person is in your presence.
Associate the persons name with an easy to remember picture. After hearing a persons name,
make it as tangible as possible to you by associating their name with a picture. Be as creative as you
want with this. Theres no wrong or right way to do it. The association just needs to be meaningful to
you. For example, if a persons name is Leif Bernstein you might imagine Papa Bernstein Bear
holding a big leaf.
Associate the image that represents the persons name to an outstanding facial feature on
the person. Again, most people can remember faces and names, they just have trouble
remembering the two together. Heres how to fix that. Take that visual representation you made of
the persons name and associate it with an outstanding physical feature that the person has.
Lets use our example of Leif Bernstein. Our picture for his name was Papa Bernstein Bear holding a
big leaf. Now we need to associate that image with a feature of Mr. Bernstein. Lets say Bernstein
has big ears. You can imagine Papa Bernstein Bear with huge Ross Perot ears while holding a leaf.
Your association can be differentjust use whatever works for you.

Takes notes. If youre a salesman or in another profession that involves the frequent and vital
making of new contacts, be sure to carry a pocket notebook with you. After meeting someone new,
write down his or her name in your notebook along with some notes about who they are and what
they do. Before a meeting where you may see them again, take a moment to review your notes.
Practice, practice, practice. Remembering names is a skill that takes practice to develop, so put
yourself in situations where youll have to learn new names. Use these techniques as much as you
can.
Tech Tools to Help You Remember Names
In addition to using mnemonic devices, there are several online tools you can use to help remember
the names of people youve met. These are especially handy if you havent seen the person in
awhile and you know youre going to be seeing them at an event and want to make sure you can put
a name with a face.

Facebook. Facebook puts a picture of the person right next to their name. How easy is that? I plan
on reviewing Facebook before I go to my 10 year high school reunion this summer. I dont want to
have long-lost high school friends come and give me a hug while I say, Hey you! Its really you!
Twitter. Yeah, I Twitter. [Insert obligatory remark about how Twitter isn't manly] Ive found it to be a
useful networking and name remembering tool. When I meet a new person at an event, Ill often
check to see if they have a Twitter account. If they do, Ill follow them. People usually have their
name (or some variation of it) as their username and a picture of themselves as their Twitter profile
pic. Anytime that person tweets something, I see their name and face. Bam. Name review.
Rapportive. Rapportive is an awesome little browser plugin for gmail. Rapportive shows you a
detailed description of the person that youre having an email conversation with. If available,
Rapportive will show a picture of the person. This has come in handy when Ive met someone in
person briefly, but then engaged in email conversations with them later. Every time I open an email
from them, I see their bright shiny face. Name with face burned into brain.
What to Do When You Forget a Name
No matter how hard you try, youre bound to forget a persons name every now and then. If you do,
just politely and apologetically say, Im terribly sorry, but Ive forgotten your name. What is it again?
Simple. Ask them as soon as you realize youve forgotten their name. The more time you spend
together, the more offended theyll be when they realize you dont know their name.

But having to ask for someones name again can make you look bad. I mean, youre basically telling
the person, You werent important enough for me to remember you. If your memory fails you, and
hey, weve all been there, heres how to deal with it as smoothly as possible in several different
situations.

When you part ways.

If you realize as you part ways with someone that you cant remember their name, ask if they have
a business or calling card you can take home with you. This is great, because not only do you now
know their name without having to ask again, youll always have something you can take out and
review at home.
When you see someone youve met before.
If you encounter somebody you know youve met before, but you cant put a name with their face,
dont guess their name if youre not sure. For some reason, having someone say your
name wrong always feels more offensive and noticeable than simply being asked for your name
again.
So if you cant remember someones name, you have a couple of options. The first is a little trick Ive
used several times with success.

You simply ask the person, Excuse me, what was your name again?

The person will likely respond with their first name.

You then respond with a charming laugh and a smile, and say, Oh no, I met your last name.
People seem to be more forgiving of someone forgetting their last namenot so much with first
names. With this technique youll get the persons first name without them knowing you had
forgotten it. And if you forgot their last name, now you have that too.

Of course this little trick can backfire if they respond by asking, My first or last name?

If youre not a gambling man, you can simply walk up, stick out your hand, and say your name.
Brett. We met at the Christmas party last year. Theyll likely respond in kind by saying their name.
Chances are, he or she had forgotten your name too! By taking the initiative, you remove their
burden of anxiety as well. Very gentlemanly.

When youre making introductions.

What if youre standing with a friend, and someone walks up and waits for you to introduce them, but
you cant remember their name? Say to the person, Have you met my friend, Mike? The person will
then hopefully say to Mike, No I havent. Nice to meet you. Im Luke.

Its one of my personal frustrations that I am naturally terrible at

remembering names. I place great value on truly connecting with other
people, and I know one of the simplest ways you can make someone feel
recognized is to remember and speak their name. Plus, lets face it, blanking
on someones name whom youve met before or worse, just been introduced
to is borderline rude, and fully embarrassing.
How many of us have been there, awkwardly trying to get someone to repeat
their name so we can make a proper introduction, or using all sorts of
nonspecific phrases, hey there! to work around the issue. According to
anarticle on Psychology Today, this issue just worsens with age, as nearly 85%
of middle-aged and older adults forget names. (Not sure what my excuse was
at age 25, but I do admit retrieval is getting harder.)

Its understandable. When we meet someone, we have a lot to take in from

their appearance, to the conversation, to other distractions happening around
us. With our increasing reliance on the Internet as a substitute for flexing our
memory, research indicates memorization of any kind is becoming a lost art.

Remembering names is important on so many levels. It makes people feel

good to hear their name, and they pay greater attention. Studies show that
hearing our name activates our brain, even when its spoken in a noisy room.
You may notice that influential leaders take care to use peoples names, and
even mention personal aspects that they share in common. This isnt by
accident they know it matters and use it. We feel better when people
remember us (and worse when they dont).

If youre like me though, and want to get better at name recognition, take
heart. There are ways to dramatically increase your ability to catch names, and
keep them top of mind. Here are some tricks Ive learned that work. Try them
for yourself:

1. Meet and repeat.

When you get someones name, dont just nod and continue the conversation,
try to plug the name into what youre saying. For example, if the man in front
of you says his name is Mark, say, Hi, Mark, nice to meet you. Or ask a
question with his name at the end, How long have you been working in IT,
Mark?

Use the name throughout the conversation, but sparingly, and not in an overly
salesy or repetitive way. When youre saying goodbye, make sure to use the
name one last time while looking them in the face, and make an effort to
commit it to memory.
2. Spell it out.
Psychiatrist and memory expert Dr. Gary Smallsuggests asking someone to
spell his or her name, especially if its an unusual one. This technique can be
helpful if you have a visual memory, as it creates a mental picture of the
persons name.

It may also be helpful to ask for a business card, and to glance at the persons
name while youre talking to them. This creates greater alignment between the
person and the visual name.

Finally, after meeting someone, the first moment that you get, put them into
your contacts with a few pieces of information that will help you remember
them. This may include their appearance, childrens names, or interests

3. Associate.
Many experts suggest that you conjure a verbal game or image when you first
hear a name. This could be an alliterative pattern involving something you
know about the person, i.e. Forbes.com contributor Helen Coster gives the
catchy example of Joann from Jersey. Or consider something about the
persons interests or job, i.e. Sarahs in sales, so Sarah Sells.
Vivian Giang cites this advice she learned from the Dale Carnegie training
course, Picture images that sound like a persons name and combine it with
other things you know about them. If you meet someone named Laura from
Brazil, imagine her with a laurel wreath on her head swimming in the Amazon
River.
4. Make connections.
Another way association can be helpful is to make a connection between the
person youre talking to, and someone else you know with the same name, i.e.
Carrie, like my sister.
I received a life-changing tip that was a spin on this from a speaker who spoke
to my Vistage group years ago. After meeting the 15 people in our group very
briefly, he proceeded to go around the room and repeat each of our names
perfectly. His trick? As you meet someone, consider a famous person (or
famous to you) who shares their first name and looks somewhat like them, i.e.
Ryan looks like Ryan Gosling (if you could be so lucky.) Ive found that it can
be harder to make the association, but once you do, its locked in.
5. Choose to care.

Most psychologists and memory experts point out that one of the main
reasons we forget someones name is that were not really focused on learning
it in the first place. Theres too much else going on, and its vying for our
attention.