Sexual Economics: The Lover

and the Provider

by Alek Rolstad
Sunday, 3 November 2013

From reading the comment sections of my earlier posts, I saw

that many men still do not truly believe that women love sex and
seek it sometimes only for the pleasure of raw, primal sex itself.

I can understand why this is hard to grasp, as we often hear

women talking so much about how they seek romance and love
(and not only sex). We get the idea that women just want a
boyfriend who can stimulate their heart... and not so much their loins.

Many men also believe that women are okay with having sex, but that women only have
sexual intercourse with men in order to reward them for good behaviours.

Well, in my opinion, such beliefs are true... but only partly true. I will explain how women
experience mating what they seek in men and how their sexual behaviour can change
drastically according to which men they are interacting with. I will also cover the
elementary traits of these different men so that you can become the man you desire to
become.

It is recommended but not required that you check out my earlier posts on:

The secret society

Sexual framing

By reading these posts you start off with an even better understanding of the concepts laid
down in this article. However, for those who havent checked them out, I will recap the
most crucial elements, as we dive in to how women think about sex and why its so that
women use sex as a reward for some men... but seek it as their own reward from others.
As we talked about in my post on sexual framing, a womans behaviour toward you will
be determined by how she perceives you. Of course, this applies to most human
interactions, but in our case we will mostly concentrate on male-to-women interaction in
the context of mating.

For example, if a woman perceives you as a judgemental man who does not respect
women for being sexual beings, well, in this case, she will most likely not have sex with
you. The reasons are either that:

1. She is into you and, as she knows that you are judgemental (e.g. calling
promiscuous women sluts), she will avoid turning you off by making anything
happen too quickly because she believes you dont like women who have sex with
men (right away). In order to win you over, she must bow to your frame and not
have sex with you. We can agree that such a move is counterintuitive, but believe
me or not, many men are somewhat behaving that way toward women and boxing
women into corners with how they respond to them.
2. She wont have sex with you because she is not attracted to judgemental men
because they are such a turn off (which I completely understand).

So, what you are communicating to a woman has a lot to say. Your communication and
behaviour pretty much displays to her what kind of man are you: what as a man can you
offer her?

I hate to say it, but let us look at this like as if it was a transaction in sales. You offer her
something and she buys it with a certain currency. If she does like your product, she will
commit; if not, then nothing happens. It also works similarly the other way around. If you
dont like what she is offering you in return for your product, then the transaction wont
happen either.

What you can offer her that is beneficial for her needs is what she will become interested
in. She will be interested in anything you can offer that is useful for her.

Then it also obviously follows that different offers will be used differently.
Further, an offer that is in demand, which is rare and exclusive and which someone is truly
in want or need of, is more worthy than a product that can easily be found or doesnt cover
any crucial human needs.

Now, this all seems a little hard to get a grasp on because I havent explained this concept
in the light of seduction. However keep reading the next section will hopefully clear thing
out.

The Lover and the Provider

There are many things a man can offer a woman. Same goes for women, they also have a
lot to offer. However when it comes to seduction, it is commonly the offer of sex for status
and sex for sex that takes place.

We can therefore distinguish between two categories of men namely the lover and the
provider:

The provider provides women for their social needs, such as material goods, social
status and social support (being there for her) in exchange for sex, whereas
The other type of man, the lover is the man who women just use to satisfy their
sexual needs i.e. just sleeps with for the pleasure of the sex.

This means that some men (the providers) will display high social status, as it is something
women seek. This will result in creating a certain type of attraction ( let us call it social
value-based attraction as it is not sexual attraction). This will make women interested
in keeping that man, and if the provider man plays his cards right (which most men
dont) then he will set a frame where he communicates to the woman that if she
wants to keep him as a social value provider, she has to have sex with him.
If the girl feels that keeping this man is valuable, then she will agree to his terms and have
sex with that man.

Being a provider can get you laid if you play it right. You need to be clear that you offer her
enough social value in order to make her feel that fucking you is something beneficial to
her. Further, as there are many men with high social value (rich lawyers and businessmen),
you need to display higher value than those men. If a man of higher social value than you is
available to her, she will go with that man instead of you.

The other type of man is the lover. This is a man that is only sexually attractive to her,
who only communicates to her that he is only willing to go to bed and that he is offering
good sex. This turns her on, and she uses him for sex and only sex. She might in some
cases try to force this man to turn into a provider (by making him buy her various things),
but if the man is a true lover, he will rarely accepts such terms. The transaction taking place
in this scenario is sex for sex i.e. trading orgasms.

Humans have multiple needs. When it comes to women, this becomes very clear in the
mating game. Biologically speaking, women need to have sex it is a must for them, as sex
remains a physiological need (a need required for your own and our species survival).
But when it comes to choosing a sexual mate just for the sake of having sex (often with the
underlying motive of reproduction), she will choose a man who is sexually attractive - a
lover, as we now call them. The reason is because sexually attractive males are often
perceived as having good genetics. Women will pick men with the best genetics in order to
give their offspring the best chances for survival. These men are often referred to as alpha
males.

I wont get too much into the biology of mating. But the lover satisfies her biological needs.
The provider on other hand, also known as the beta male, plays an important role too:
he is there to support the woman in her everyday life e.g., granting her protection (youve
probably heard of white-knighting), buying her stuff, helping her out with her duties
(changing her light bulb), being her therapist when she feels like a mess. These are just
examples. A woman always needs a provider, but she needs one even more when she is
pregnant and about to give birth to a child.

If the father of that child is a lover, he will probably move on and meet new women
because that is what such men do. However, the woman will try at all cost to make this man
into a provider in order to secure him as a provider (often referred to as
betaization/betafication), but in many cases, if the woman paired with a true lover (i.e. an
alpha) he will move on. In such a case, she is dependent on finding a [new] provider (i.e. a
beta male) to protect her and her offspring and support the female with parenting.

This sounds like too much theorization to you? Well, if you check out the statistics for how
many men are raising children that are not genetically theirs, you will be shocked.

There are many, many men for whom an attractive woman with a kid or two in tow is still a
good deal compared to those mens alternatives.

The provider has the traits that are typically known for being socially attractive (referring
to my post on the secret society), whereas the lover is just sexually attractive. Let us now
cover what these types of attractions implies.
 The Provider is:

Generous
Helpful

Nice

Friendly

Faithful (to women)

Supporting

Humble

Caring

Of the belief that women are seeking love and not sex

Respectful of womens sexuality by not forcing them

to have sex (as he believes women dont genuinely
enjoy sex)

Judgemental toward people who enjoy fucking around

he is in other words well mannered

The list goes on, but these are some traits that often appear on the typical beta male
provider. Now let us cover the traits the dominant male lover.

The Lover is:

Confident
Ambitious

In possession of a sexual presence

A little cocky

A little selfish

Understanding about women love of sex (the pleasure of simply copulating)

Respectful of womens sexuality by railing the daylights out of them in bed (as he
knows women love and need to get sexually satisfied)

Independent
 Autonomous

A leader

Not a subscriber to that hormone chemical cocktail called love

And so the list goes on. The point with these lists is that you get an overall idea of whom
these men are.

The Lover vs. the Provider

Which of these types of men is the most attractive and valuable to woman? Which of them
should you become in order to get laid a lot?

Well, you probably already know the answer: the lover.

But let us still cover why that is the case - there are four (4) reasons.

1. First of all, a provider will have to provide something in order to get

sex he has to invest and work a lot in order to win over a female. A lover on the
other hand just has to be there and communicate that he is a lover by making her
horny in order to make her willing to go to bed with him. There is no doubt that
what the lover has to get through in order to get sex is much more pleasurable.
2. Secondly, a sexually attractive male is much more worth than a
socially attractive one. As noted throughout this article and many others, sex is
a crucial human need, so a lover who satisfies such needs will come across as more
valuable than a man who only covers her social needs, which is a less important
need for women, but important nevertheless.

3. Thirdly, there are many men out there with high social value. As a
result, there is a lot of competition between providers. What happens then is that the
majority of the providers will end up in the friend zone (they will become womens
orbiters). This means that they will be providers without getting anything in return.

The lover, alternately, has less competition because there are simply few of them
out there. As covered in my post on the secret society, only a small minority of men
are sexually attractive. Therefore, as lovers fall into that small minority of men who
are sexually attractive, being a minority they become a product in demand. The
lover thus plays in a league with far less competition.

4. Fourthly, the lover is able to get sex with women fast , without having to
wait and spend money on multiple dates. He will also get laid and only laid he
wont have to pay for dates and provide for her unless he wants to. The provider,
 by contrast, will most likely have to give something other than sex in return for
intercourse. In most cases, when a provider gets laid it is within a monogamous
relationship. This means that he will have to wait before getting to sleep with his
girl, he will have to commit to a relationship on her terms and live in a relationship
where the woman is the prize and he is being the chaser as we know this is a bad
position to be in.

Sometimes providers get lucky and find a girl who is really drunk and horny and manage to
get laid. This happens once a year. It suddenly makes a lot of sense that the majority of men
in the world only have fewer than 10 sex partners over the course of a lifetime.

So my question is... which one do you want to become?

Recap
Women seek two types of men in the mating game: the provider and the lover.

The lover is the man who provides women sex and only sex in return for sex (and only sex)
its an orgasm trade.

The provider on the other hand just provides women with social goods, support, and
status

In some cases, the provider can get laid if and only if he outmatches other providers and is
able to provide women a certain sum of social value that women find beneficial to trade sex
for. And sometimes he gets lucky

On the other hand, the lover will most likely sleep with any women who find him attractive.
He will have many options and will face little to no competition, as most men are providers
and only a minority are lovers.

The conclusion is this: the lover is playing the mating game on much better terms than
the provider.

And now it is time for a little (obvious) revelation: the purpose of this blog is basically to
make you into a sexually attractive male a lover. Keep reading and keep meeting women
and you will get there.

Until next,

Alek