Yeah, Youre Actually Pretty Ugly

Intragender Mockery and Pedagogical Discourse in A Female Dominated Subreddit

Ari Brin: April 5, 2015

Abstract: In the Makeup Addiction Circle Jerk online Reddit community, women show an acute
awareness of female tendencies in language and mock online female performances they deem
inauthentic. Mockery is a disciplinary technique in the recreation of an online female genderlect. The
chosen online community does not present an environment in which women can increase their status
by acting in conventional manners of niceness or politeness. Instead, to increase status female
posters mock the self-deprecating (alternatively, compliment-fishing) behavior of other females,
alongside other aspects of a traditionally feminine genderlect. By parodying the repeated stylization of
femininity, the subreddit becomes a gender-fluid space, where an acceptable femininity is constantly
redefined and rearranged in accordance to the popular disciplinary language of the community.

Key Terms: synthetic personalization, genderlects, pedagogical discourse, disciplinary language, compliment-fishing,
niceness, romance narratives

In a 2013 Comedy Central sketch by the comedian Amy Schumer, a tall, blonde
woman walks into a park. She meets up with two friends, who greet her enthusiastically and
proceed to compliment various aspects of her appearance.

Friend 1: I love your hat!

Amy: Are you drunk? I look like an Armenian man. People are trying to
buy carpets from me.
Friend 2: Excuse me, when did you start working for NASA? Youre
weightless.
Amy: Fuck you, Im a fucking cow. Indian people are trying to worship me.
I sleep standing up in a field. (Schumer, 2013)

Her response to each is perhaps an exaggerated version of prototypical female

behavior, but feels familiar in the scope of what some have deemed a behavior of politeness
exclusive to womens language (Lakoff, 2005). Her responses are an extreme form of self-
deprecation, and she insults her stylistic choices, weight, and even lowers herself on the
animacy hierarchy by calling herself a cow. In direct opposition to familiar masculine
tendencies not to admit mistakes or apologize, women seem keen to apologize for their
appearance, and show a reluctance to accept compliments in pursuit of an ideal female
modesty.
Several studies have shown women and men to display humor in unequal ways that
garner responses that positively favor the masculine style. A hyper-masculinized humor
reinforces a hegemonic hierarchy, and most often the humor is directed at a different subject
than oneself. In male discourse, humorous teasing, banter, or making fun of another male in
the workplace assists male-to-male homosocial bonding (Decapua and Boxer 1999). In
contrast, womens humor is often self-deprecating, or the speaker intending themself as the
object of mockery. Judith Baxters (2012) study on womens leadership found that while
90% of mens jokes achieved a response (such as laughs or approval), 80% of womens jokes
were received with silence. This functioned as a negative feedback loop that discouraged
female executives from using humor over long-term scenarios.
 I will be using Baxters definition of self-deprecation as aiming to prepare, pre-
judge, or pre-empt a negative response, 1but this definition must also be expanded to
include a general tone of apology or disbelief when discussing ones accomplishments. This
less-blatant form of self-deprecation is observable in The New York Times profile of
Catharine Drew Gilpin Faust during her tenure as president of Harvard University. In
discussing her achievements in the academic world such as becoming a professor, writing
a book, and earning her Ph.D Gilpin Faust claims that she never would have imagined
obtaining such milestones in her life, and that things sort of happened. Gilpin Faust never
directly says that she does not deserve these achievements, but she does not claim total
responsibility over themrather, she leaves them partially responsible to the hand of fate.
The female habit of disowning ones accomplishment is so ingrained that journalist Leslie
Bennett (2010) claims that among all famous women she has interviewed, only one has
openly admitted ambition. This is a marked difference when imagining the blatant
superiority displays of Decapua and Boxers bankers.
I am interested in female-driven backlash to the long-standing stereotype of women
as self-deprecating, unfunny, and unsubstantial. I chose to study two online forums with an
exclusively female base of contributors (a cosmetic subreddit and its complementary parody
subreddit) to explore how women use parody, mockery, and humor in order to expose and
subvert unflattering female stereotypes. In MUA (Makeup Addiction), women post before-
and-afters of makeup application and request honest critique and cosmetic advice from
other women. In MUACJ (Makeup Addiction Circle Jerk), MUAs parody site, women mock
the typically female behavior on the former subreddit by creating exaggerated imitations of
popular MUA posts. Posters on MUACJ show an analytical awareness and critical
disapproval of the aspects of stereotypical Womans Language (Lakoff 2004, Scalfani 2009).
Womens critiques regarding themselves or perceptions about their own culture show an
intriguing self-reflexivity and rejection of preexisting cultural norms. In this forum, the
cultural expectation of female politeness is used as fuel for intra-gender parody and mockery.
MUACJ provides an ideal space in which to study disciplinary language within single-
sex discourse, due to its anonymity and female readership. Susan Herring (1992) was early to
suggest that the electronic medium had the potential to democratize gendered influence, and
that it provided a space where gender barriers could be reimagined. Yet her studys figures
supported traditional patterns of gendered discourse, with 70% of total words on an online
forum contributed by males. The only reversal on these figures was shown in female-
oriented topics, or those forum discussions that were started by women. These was the only
case were women were more active than men. Herring posits that this had a cascading effect;
early female dominance caused a silencing of men in the discussion that resulted in a
conversation composed of entirely female postersa reversal of the silencing of females
seen in many conversational spaces (Decapua and Boxer, 1999, Baxter 2012). There is a
definite female dominance in the paired subreddits MUA and MUACJ, due both to the
feminine-focused topics of discussion (cosmetics and beauty) and an early presence of only
females in the forum. There are occasionally male posters, but due to the nature of the
subreddit, all posts focus on cosmetics and are mostly exclusionary to male participation.
Forum moderators are quick to ban inappropriate discussion of appearance, so a male voice
will not factor into this discussion of disciplinary dialogue. It is important to discuss the
usage of circle jerk, which originally refers to the practice of group male masturbation. The
term has grown to mean a general ego stroke within a group, and is often used to title
subreddits that exist to mock the egomania or absurdity of another subreddit. I believe that
in this context the term has been degendered, but this requires further exploration.
 Parody is key in exposing the ways gender functions within a society, and acts often
as a format for defining and reshaping these unwritten rules. Mockery is inherently
pedagogical. In contrast to pure imitation (which can be flattering), mockery attaches a
negative connotation to the behavior being performed. By positioning the object of mockery
as something or someone to laugh at, the object becomes the outlier to acceptable behavior.
This can be seen in the linguistic violence perpetuated through parody during the 2008
presidential campaign, that asserted Hillary Clintons abnormality in a traditionally feminine
sphere (Vasvri, 2013). On many popular media venues, parody is used to challenge
stereotypical or synthetic performances of femininity. Scalfanis (2009) analysis of South
Park and MADTVs parody of Martha Stewart showed how influential the medium could be
in redefining a good woman personality as something inauthentic and ridiculous. The
South Park skit in particular used Martha Stewarts recognizable tone of precision, and, as
puppeteers of her image, made her discuss the anal ingestion of a turkey. By contradicting
her feminine tone of voice with her inappropriate actions, South Park attempted to expose
Martha Stewarts personality as carefully created, synthetic, and not based in reality (Scalfani,
2009). The satirical news source The Onion (2014), explicitly parodied the behavior of
female self-deprecation in an article entitled Woman Launches Into 4-Minute Self-
Deprecation Preamble Before Speaking Mind. The woman in question downplays what she
is about to say using a number of tactics including citing her lack of intelligence and
expertise, phrasing her upcoming statement as just a guess, and deferring to her male
colleagues as more informed about the issue. The article makes apparent her fear at being
thought of as dumb or ill informed, thus she preempts this by insulting herself before
anyone else has a chance. The act of self-deprecation here is suggested to be a typical female
behavior, by using only the name Woman in personalizing the title act.
To analyze how women on MUACJ harshly critique female tendencies through
parody, I will focus on a makeup application post by Amanda on the original MUA
subreddit, and its relevant parody on MUACJ. Amandas original post consisted of 34
images, ranging from a makeup-free picture to one with completed makeup. Amanda writes
Help meeee before the photo album, claiming that her application techniques have not
changed much since she was twelve years old. Throughout the captions below each photo,
Amanda engages in several forms of self-deprecation, critiquing her appearance, behavior,
and skill levels. She uses the word weird seven times to describe herself in various ways. It
is unclear whether Amanda intends a positive or negative connotation for the word, and
weird takes on an empty meaning, similarly to Lakoffs nice. Weird can either convey
a positive uniqueness or an unflattering status as outlier. Amandas empty usage imparts a
vaguely self-deprecating tone without being overtly offensive.

1 I think I have a weirdly unique face

2 I drew my eyebrow on weird, and how I am fixing it by pulling on it in weird
ways
3 Why do I keep on making weird faces? Ugh.
4 I think I was just having so much fun documenting my makeup process with
weird faces that I forgot the purpose of doing it was to show my entire,
weird face.
6 Because then [her fianc] would be all, Youre weird.

Amandas self-deprecation seems more a stylistic choice than afterthought, as it

appears in some form in nearly each of the 34 image captions. Aside from her appearance,
various aspects of her personality and skill level are under her own fire of critique. These
comments seem random due to the unrelated content of the photograph for which they are
the captions. This will later serve as fuel for MUACJs parody of Amandas insults as
inauthentic and forced. On a picture of her scrunching her eyes, she comments that she has
yet to brush her teeth because [shes] a disgusting human being. On another, she calls
herself a lazy fuck due to the claim that she only spends ten minutes each morning on
makeup application. Amanda continually infantilizes herself, and comments often on her
appearance as juvenile or otherwise abnormal.

1 First step: look like a literal oversized baby.

2 Blonde stubby eyelashes, a baby face and invisible eyebrows. I hate myself.
Jk.
3 Yay! I look less like a 2-year-old!
4 I bought contour powder: to make [her nose] look less tiny and more like a
normal nose that a person is supposed to have.

A user named skeletonwar begins the Circle Jerk thread on Amanda, with a post
named TRIGGER WARNING: SELF DEPRECATION. Whereas Amandas original
post by this point has become unpopular and has an equal amount of upvotes and
downvotes netting zero overall, skeletonwars parody is much more popular with a positive net
count of 189 upvotes. The title immediately sets the disciplinary tone for the discussion. In
typical fashion for MUACJ, all-caps are used in direct parody, speaking through the object of
mockery. This format is likely used because it recalls a shrill, overexcited, exaggerated tone of
voice that is a common way for males or females to parody a stereotypical femininity. The
capitalization used by skeletonwar both in her forum title and first post (below) parodies many
aspects of Womans Language, such as the over-usage of intensives like so and literally,
and intensified intonation (Scalfani 2009). Its clear that the community of MUACJ believes
this to be a synthetic personalization, and irritatingly inauthentic in the face of changing
feminist ideologies.

I'M SO QUIRKY AND AWKWARD OMG DERPFACE. I'M SO UGLY LOL JK I'M SO
LAZY JK I LITERALLY LOOK LIKE A FETUS I SO SILLY OMG WHY DID I
UPLOAD THIS ONE OMGGGGG I'M SO FUCKING UGLY STILL I'M SO KOOKY
PLS ladies tell me how to fix this TRAVESTY of my conventionally attractive pale face!!!

The mockery in play exploits the belief that Amanda is actually self-aware of her good looks
and good fortune (as a conventionally attractive pale female), and that she takes pleasure
in this self-deprecation rather than it being a basis for real self-loathing. By pointing out the
intersectionality of Amandas white skin, attractiveness, and apparent wealth, skeletonwar
attempts to reorient Amandas self-critiques as inauthentic aspects of her personality. In
response to a comment by another user that Amanda is trying too hard to appear adorkably
self-deprecating, skeletonwar writes:

But really, the most irritating part for me was the self-deprecation, its not a cute look. I use
to be like that when I was younger (Wow skeletonwar you look really pretty today
Ohnot really, my hair looks so bad today, I hate my skin, Im too fat) then finally my
friend got real with me and said skeletonwar, you are are always so self deprecating and it
makes me not want to talk to you
 Wham bam, I never realized how annoying I was being and how mean to myself I was, and
turned it around right away! I hope this girl realizes it too.

Im very lucky + feel like it has made me a more confident person. And that friend? my
now boyfriend so it all worked out in the end!

Skeletonwars narrative tells of her transformation from a self-deprecating (and

presumably single) female who irritated those around her into a confident woman worthy of
affection. Its clear her story is meant as a pedagogical dialogue, for she intends her story to
cause Amanda to realize that her behavior is also irritating. This anecdote marks a
departure from skeletonwars prior use of parody, for at the beginning of the forum she
assumed the first-person role of Amanda, speaking through a highly exaggerated mockery of
Amandas voice. By switching to low-caps, skeletonwar demonstrates the shift from mocking
pedagogy to a more caring, instructive tone.
Her comment that self-deprecation is not a cute look, highlights that skeletonwar
believes this behavior to be unflattering, and negatively impact her appearance. By
commenting that she used to act the same when she was younger skeletonwar is oriented as
more mature than Amanda (although we cannot know her real age), which is a central
technique for gaining influence and dominating the object of mockery. Other posters also
call attention to her apparent immaturity, saying that Amanda seems very annoying for
being 25. Like middle school girl annoying.
In addition to skeletonwars behavioral advice for Amanda, an important aspect to the
story is its dual function as a romance narrative. Her dialogue is foremost considerate to a
third-generation feminist ideology (Silberstein 1998) that posits her independence and
confidence as central to her goals. However, her reward for changing her behavior away
from stereotypically feminine was not only her new status as a more confident person, but
the romantic interest of the friend who, before, did not want to talk to her. Another
poster, iphany, comments directly beneath skeletonwar to corroborate the narrative with her
own.

I seriously love this story. My now husband gave me the business in a similar manner early
on in our relationship and I appreciated it so much I married that fucker AND had his
babies.

By the business, iphany means that she was informed by her now husband that
her behavior of putting herself down was not flattering. Iphanys romance narrative follows
a nearly identical structure to the former, the only difference being that she appreciated
the advice to such an extent that she married the man who gave it to her and had his
babies. Here iphanys husband fills the disciplinary role that skeletonwar and iphany now
attempt to fill for Amanda, and the role of reward in acting as discipliner seems key. Other
posters further criticize Amandas appearance as marred or that she is unattractive because
of her behavior, and one poster threatens to publicly agree with Amandas comments about
herself as a means through which to discipline against future self-deprecating language.

skeletonwar: I think that it's definitely a self esteem issue or a defence mechanism
in which people say bad things about themselves that potentially
 someone else could say. Like she is pretty, but that attitude is so
unattractive and sad.

MakeUpManic: I swear, if I see any other poster as self-deprecating as that, Ill

comment Yeah youre actually pretty ugly.

Susan Herrings 1994 article on computer culture suggested that while the anonymity of a
computer forum was a general disinhibiting force for both females and males, women were
still much more likely than men to engage in a strategy of positive politeness. Her concept of
flaminghostile and abusive message contentwas reserved mainly for male users of
Internet forums. In this short study, I do not attempt to challenge her overall finds, but
instead to demonstrate the existence of females frustrated by the synthetic performances of
gender, who choose mockery or outright hostility as means to show disapproval. MUACJ
contains an intra-gender disciplinary discourse that does not focus on sexuality or slutty
behavior, but instead criticizes women for adhering too much to stereotypically feminine
linguistic behaviors. Jennifer Coates (1999) discussion of backstage performances of female
selves that subvert feminine norms is especially relevant here, as the partial anonymity of an
online forum provides a stage for more public demonstrations of these badly-behaved
personas. There is a large body of proof that prevailing norms of femininity are little more
than repeated stylizations. The cultural stability of norms depends on the widespread
adherence of females to a particular stylization. The parody of the MUACJ community and
its refusal to adhere to a popular stylization further exposes the flexibility of gender roles,
and the ability to reshape and recreate boundaries of femininity.

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