The Bitcoin General

By Nathanial Pierson
The facility was meticulously constructed from durable materials: reinforced concrete of
the Roman recipe with volcanic pumice fortified non-corroding rebar. There was absolutely no
plastic, wood, nor carpet, but there was metal, marble, granite, slate material of the ages.
This place was built to last. Such quality craftsmanship was an anomaly in the 2040s, where
economy of scale, fashion over function, and disposable designs with life-cycle planned
obsolescence predominated building construction. The design of the compound incorporated
geodesic domes flush with flora among heavy looking bunker-like buildings made of the afore-
mentioned concrete, looking as though old Todt fortifications were an influence. Solar panels
and wind turbines were strategically interspersed and the ambiance of the place resembled a
military base with uniformed personnel purposely moving about their business. Many had
assisted propulsion devices that got them there quicker, such as electric bicycles or
skateboards. Exotic, colorful birds such as parrots and peacocks were milling around on the
grounds and beautiful fragrant flowers were a prominent landscape feature.
General, the interviewer is here to see you. The General sighed, Thanks, Adjutant
keep an eye on him, we never know what we never know! The Adjutant laughed, He is a she,
her name is Tell her that on this facility, I give people their code names, specifically ones
that refer to some flaw or feature they possess so I can easily remember the moniker. I wont
be held verbally hostage by some parents I never met naming a child something that has not a
lot to do with their adult manifestations! Yes, General!, said the Adjutant as he opened the
office double door and motioned in the reporter. Then he stood at attention at the threshold.
General: Well now, for the purposes of security and modality, you will refer yourself as Press.
Have a seat.
Press: Sure, whatever you need General to remember peoples names, even if you make them
up. Your unorthodoxy is legend in certain circles.
General: I see why they sent you. Very well, how may I tell you what you want to hear?
Press: Start from the beginning, you know, where you deviated from the conventional and set
out on what made you who you are today.
General: All militaries run on cash. So I asked myself how I may attain this cash, because back
then, Congress held the purse strings and it was feast or famine depending on some
bureaucrat baloney. This was an incredible flaw in the system, the main inhibitor as to why we
were unprepared to fight huge wars since they always cut the budget until they really needed
us.
Press: Was the Chinese PLA an influencer? You know how they have military industries for
profit, and they are very pragmatic in their doctrine.
General: Yes, yes, I remember saying to another interviewer how I had bought a Norinco MAK-
90 firearm in my youth and did the investigation on China North Industries Corporation and was
stunned that a State ran enterprise was profitable, and had the military running it. They were
light years ahead of our system, actually turning a profit to reinvest into military operations.
You must have read my previous interviews.
Press: Thats right, General, but the Chinese Peoples Liberation Army had more than that in
influencing your rise to prominence. Are you saying you stole their ideas and applied them
here?
General: Look, have you ever heard of Admiral Zheng He? The Chinese have the potential to run
everything, but for some reason there are always setbacks or people unwilling to think past
their own boundaries. The best ideas win, and if I have dug out some of the revolutionary
memetics from other cultures and societies to augment our own capability, just know that if I
did not, someone else would have. Memes use whatever gets the message across, I just made
sure I was attuned to pick up what others overlooked.
Press: So you got into Bitcoin mining from renewable energy. Literally cash from thin air.
General: Well sunny or windy air but yes. Back then, the Chinese were dominating the solar
panel market, doing well in the wind power industry and also monopolizing the Bitcoin mining
hardware technologies. I simply combined them. Then when they paid for themselves I
reinvested in even more revenue generating infrastructure. The military could not say no to
what was essentially free money and I built up a cadre loyal to me and successful
implementation of a self-funded military.
Press: No Congressional oversight?
General: We won them over with opening industries in their districts and becoming
indispensable to their communities. Like I said the best ideas always win and soft power is
pretty convincing. That ties into Operation Cognizant Force.
Press: Oh, where the military saturated local and Federal elections with pro-military political
candidates?
General: Precisely. We trained our own to run for office once they left us so that we would
capture the government so it would not be used against us as in the past when we kept being
defunded. Once we had critical support, we put huge solar panel arrays and wind generators on
military land to generate Bitcoin.
Press: You also used the waste heat from the miners to grow organic food in geodesic domes in
any climate.
General: And herbs and all manner of useful and valuable eatables. Our aquaponics setups
dominated food production. We did it all- energy, cash, food, manufacturing. Our 3-D printers
printed 3-D printers. Our robots built other robots. We spread prosperity instead of conflict.
Humans could actually have a high quality of life and war became obsolete.
Press: It is hard to fight when you are well fed, healthy, educated, and have a world of
opportunities. That is how you disrupted the conflict paradigm?
General: Correct. We would send our cash, food, and manufacturing capability to failed states.
We would train the locals to better themselves and also capture their own governments
democratically and peaceably but in a way that gave our military more ability to generate profit
and prosperity in the host nations.
Press: You conquered with providing a system that was full of abundance.
General: Of course- the best ideas win and if my collection of them is self-reinforcing then in
time they will take over all the obsolete stuff out there.
Press: Why didnt you keep your ideas to yourself?
General: There was too much for one person, and believe me others have tried to keep
knowledge to themselves only to pass away with nothing to account for. Besides, its a lot
funnier to be loved than despised for how you changed the world.
Press: What are your capabilities?
General: Well, we can airlift in huge 3-D printers that print out our main buildings. We deploy
our troops and assisting robots and drones to erect energy harvesting superstructures of solar
panels and wind generators. We then move on to build geodesic domes for growing crops and
incorporate Bitcoin miners to begin profit generation. We continue with building other goods
with 3-D printers which we can use ourselves and also sell for further revenue. We can make
almost any product ourselves at the lowest cost since all our energy is free and we make our
own cash via Bitcoin exchange.
Press: But how did you first integrate the revenue you generated to supplant and then overtake
the government payroll and supply system?
General: At first, we would buy equipment that was needed by converting the Bitcoin to cash
and purchasing from the surplus market or directly from fabricators. Our people were the best
equipped and word got around that we were ready to assist those with the foresight to join our
program. Those that did were never without the best gear. We also showed them how to
recreate our systems on their own terms and budgets so we would have resilient redundancies.
Press: You made a break away culture. What is this resiliency entail?
General: Well we digitally captured the entire library knowledge of our military and culture
onto armored laptops that were distributed widely to our members. Even if most of us were
suddenly killed, enough of us would survive to reboot our civilization thus avoiding another
Dark Age. These laptops have things like all our TMs and FMs and how to books for almost
everything in any climate or scenario. Our agenda is in there as well.
Press: What about some little innovations you promulgated?
General: I hate acronyms. We rarely use them. We copied the German technique of compound
words for our institutional language. They are more cumbersome but entirely precise. Like TM
is now Technicalmanual. FM is Fieldmanual.
Press: Oh, I didnt want to seem dumb and ask what those meant. Why did you give the
acronyms when you are against them?
General: To make a point by example. It was found that military communication was so full of
acronyms nobody understood or worse meant something else than what was intended like TM
could be Trade Mark or FM could be Frequency Modulation. So we got rid of the confusion.
Press: What else was thought up?
General: One of my greatest ideas was Easyeat.
Press: What is that, it sounds like some kind of food?
General: Absolutely. I had a cook Sergeant that ordered bone in chicken because he could get it
cheaper than boneless chicken. Then he fed it to some troops that had about a minute to eat it
and other labor intensive menu items. Some of our troops gave up eating the meal because it
was not easy to eat, it was easy to choke! So now, all fresh food menus must be prepared so
that a troop can eat it in one minute or less. No bones, seeds, rinds, peelings, or excessively
chewy or hard food items.
Press: Why not just put all the food in a blender and serve shakes?
General: We do that for invalids. But the flavor and consistency is ruined so we dont go so far
for our intact troops.
Press: Didnt you pioneer the organic rations update?
General: Yes. We found that wholesome food that was fresh and grown with love gave us a
combat advantage over factory farmed depleted nutrition food products. A Dr. Masaru Emoto
discovered that water reacted favorably to positive vibes and negatively to horrible vibes and
the same thing is going on with food. This is technology we borrowed from the hippies. Like I
said the best ideas win.
Press: Any other thoughts about food?
General: Only that pure food and hydration are tactical necessities. We avoid ingesting
Geneticallymodifiedorganisms and we supplement our diet with 90 essential vitamins and
minerals as taught by a Dr. Joel D. Wallach. The troops eat so well that we are almost never ill
and it is a major retention incentive. They know they will eat better that any king of history so
long as they stick with us.
Press: What about the end result of all these gourmet vittles? Did you also implement the bid
to bidet the military?
General: Yes, it is my take on full spectrum rectum dominance. We were in the medieval
mindset with latrines or if we were lucky- paper squares. The French and the Japanese have the
most sophisticated devices to quickly and sanitarily clean the caboose and we adopted it.
Nobody has reverted to the old way of doing things, at worst they insist on wet wipes. Rubbing
around and chafing with dry tissue paper is a thing of the past. It was as revolutionary as
thermal sterilizing of surgical instruments was to medicine.
Press: What is this I heard about a military breeding program? I dont mean the canine one.
General: Well, we take the soldiers that score highest in crucial areas on our standardized tests
and make them a generous offer if they would pair up and multiply. It works more frequently
than not. We still use the trusty Armedservicesvocationalaptitudebattery top scorers crossed
with those that score the highest on the Unifiedarmedforcesphysicalfitnesstest. It is called
Operation Mattis Matrix, named purposely ironically for one of our greatest Generals that
decided to have no progeny. In our world, we are honest with ourselves, we need top people
and just as we are self-sustaining in cash and manufacturing and the majority of other fields, we
want to continue to improve and be self-sustaining and growing with our demographics. In
democratic systems, it is one person, one vote, so we have to ensure we reproduce ourselves in
sufficient quality and quantity to always become the majority unified group within that society.
We took this technique from the Mormons in Utah who captured their state using demographic
advantage via huge families.
Press: If there is ever a huge war, your numerical quantity and capturing multiple countries via
peaceful indispensability of your program will surely weigh in your favor.
General: No, we win wars by preventing them from ever beginning. Any nation that is causing
problems gets a visit from us and we deactivate any need for conflict by aiding them. The
people love us so much that we are inevitably invited to stay in their country. Whereby we
increase our numbers and influence and always peaceably resolve the issues. Soon, we have
the numerical majority and therefore the democratic majority and our people are running for
the host nations political office. We soft conquer with kindness, prosperity, and our superior
numbers. A self-funded love occupation.
Press: Do you participate in cloning?
General: The Chicoms preceded us once again. They were gene splicing and making transgenic
soldiers that were mixed with animal species to provide beyond human capabilities. They had
soldiers that could smell as well as a bloodhound, see as well as a hawk in the day in one eye
and as well as an owl at night in the other eye. Soldiers that had chameleon skin that could self-
camouflage, and hear as well as a greater wax moth. They had gecko pads and leopard claws
for climbing. An endless assortment of experimental enhanced transpecies soldiers. They also
perfected taking a Deoxyribonucleicacid sample of their ancient deceased prestigious ancestors
and rebirthed them using a donor egg repack and a surrogate mother. They became so
intrepidly captivated with resurrecting emperors and philosophers while studying the nature
versus nurture question that they did not want to risk a war when they had so much to learn.
Meanwhile, we had to escalate our ethics to match theirs for parity of power. We didnt go
transpecies but we did dabble with cloning our greatest people of history we could recover a
viable Deoxyribonucleicacid sample from. If we could only find a partial sample, we edited it
with some other partial samples to create a hybrid prestigious person. We focused more on
recovering extinct species of dinosaurs and the like instead of making catawampus animal
spliced people. Well officially, anyway.
Press: Is it true there is a black market for genetic schematics of present and past great people?
General: Yes. People who had traits that led them to be renowned have a type of biotech of
potentiality encoded in their makeup and this is a valuable commodity. There are even gene
hijackers that use persuasion or coercion to steal a deceased or living prestigious persons
genetics in order to clone them and then reprogram them in some ideology hostile to our
country. While we could clone a leader of a present nation and educate them to replace the
original, the age discrepancy usually would give away the plot. The new caper now is recover
the genetics of a present leader, combine them with the appropriate genetics of the opposite
sex, and then use a surrogate mother to birth children that are true genetic offspring of the
target. Then the target is ransomed. Also, a variation on this is purposely creating illegitimate
children scandals that test positive for being genetically related.
Press: Why dinosaurs?
General: Their eggs are more nutritious than chicken eggs and give our troops lots of energy.
When we absolutely have to use violence, a flock of carnivorous dinos serve as excellent
skirmishers that soften up an area. The dinos cant be hacked like our drones can.
Press: What is new with drones?
General: Well we have vomit drones that spew butanoic acid reformulations that make
humans vomit and disable them. We have stork drones that sound like a crying baby, kitten, or
puppy that brings up emotional disorientation to the targets. We have dance drones that play
the best catchy popular music that make the enemy want to dance, not fight. We have religious
drones that speak to the targets in their cultural context and native language why they should
peaceably surrender. We have pickpocket drone swarms that swoop in and steal the enemys
weapons and material. We have kidnap drones that literally steal the enemy personnel and
take them directly to a Prisonerofwar camp. We have pronjector drones that project sexually
explicit images on nearby walls to distract the enemy. In fact that is my favorite tactic, distract
an enemy troop with a high resolution video of something that they just cant look away from
while a kidnap drone sneaks up on them and captures them! Finally we have safe passage
drones that offer a free ride, food, cigarettes, liquor, and the like to compel the enemy to
surrender and be carried first class to our processing centers. Oh, we have injector drone
swarms that inject the enemy with drugs that make them fall asleep or worse but remember
we want to capture people and reeducate them to support us so the best way is to remove
their will to fight and replace it with the will to support us; not kill them. Our Kamikaze drones
just find the target, latch on but then offer the target a chance to surrender before blowing up
if they do not. That gives me peace of mind.
Press: What is this about sending Tardigrades and extremophiles to the Moon and Mars?
General: We have to colonize other worlds so that the next asteroid does not wipe us
completely out like our dinosaur friends. I sent contaminates to these places so we can get
over the paralyzing idea that these places must stay pristine. Next we will send cyanobacteria
and really get some atmosphere going even if it is only in domes at first. Our independence
from and integration of many of earths nations with our agenda allows us the freedom of
action to push the envelope. Fortunately we represent the best American values instead of
being oppressive.
Press: It seems that you are willing to do whatever it takes to preserve Americanism, even if it
violates ethics.
General: It is the ethics of survival. Our form of civilization must survive and thrive and we will
try to be kind and beneficial to all but if there are road blocks, we are going to remove them by
cooperation, cooption, coercion or worse, concussion. There have been too many failed
civilizations that show us the penalty for not succeeding. Even the Pharaoh clones I have
conversed with agree. The Universe is huge and there is room for every derivation of humanity
and its cultures in it. We tell the various Earth factions that they should join our team and
eventually we will find a planet all for them if they desire isolation once we develop rapid space
transit technologies. Meanwhile we have developments in underground and underwater cities.
That is how you solve unsolvable ethnic problems in a nation, one group lives above ground,
and the other lives below. Problem solved. Derinkuyu it!
Press: I think you have too many ideas, stupid ideas, and you thought of all this up from long
ago. This interview is getting stale so lets conclude it.
General: Fantastic. If you think my ideas are stupid you join all the other bygone people that
thought humans would never fly. But I want to get my ideas out so they can become your ideas
and others ideas as well. Even if you give a bad review, the ideas and special words will trigger
neurons and enquiries in other people that will lead them to me and our futurism. Ive only
given you a taste of what Im cooking up.
With that, the Adjutant led Press out of the room. As she was being escorted to her vehicle,
Press read the nametag of the Adjutant to herself; it said George Washington, Alpha Batch.
Then she tripped over a Dodo bird that had ran under her legs while she was focused on
Washington.
TERMINOLOGY in Order of Appearance
Roman Concrete: The secret ingredient for its durability was volcanic rock such as pumice
added to the mix.
Geodesic Dome: Richard Buckminster Fullers design for a round, sturdy, pillarless building.
Todt Fortifications: These were the ominous, sturdily built bunkers built by Organisation Todt
for the Atlantic Wall for WW2 Germany.
PLA: Peoples Liberation Army- Communist controlled Army of mainland China. Chicoms.
Admiral Zheng He: Chinese eunuch Admiral that opened ocean traversing vessel trading routes
far beyond China hundreds of years before Europeans began exploring via ship, but his efforts
were suppressed. The implication is the Chinese may lead in space faring technologies if they
focus once again.
Memetics: A newer field in science that studies cultural information transfer via ideas.
Bitcoin: a limited quantity algorithm solved by advanced calculators called miners. The value
lies in the difficulty in attaining one and the desirability in doing so. Mass amounts of electricity
and expensive miners are required to find the solution to a Bitcoin, but the General abrogated
the cost by harvesting free renewable energy. Bitcoins are traded with all world currencies, yet
can be created by anyone with the right equipment and an internet connection.
3-D Printer: Device that employs processes used to synthesize a three-dimensional object.
Bidet- a type of toilet that automatically cleans the nether regions with ample geysers of water
and solution. Advanced types also feature hot air drying.
Transpecies: a life form composite formed by the combining of genetic information of dissimilar
species.
Butanoic Acid: Thought to be the main ingredient in vomit that induces involuntary vomiting.
Pronjector: a drone that projects pornography on a nearby flat surface to stun and distract the
enemy.
Tardigrades and Extremophiles- really hard to kill microorganisms that could initiate
terraforming other planets for us.
Derinkuyu- an ancient underground city found in Turkey.