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FINAL 56 CHAPBOOK Haripriya Bellam

Cecilia, Sect.025

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Final Grade Argument answers..


Rubric..
Diagnostic FCE .

Typed..
Handwritten
Drafts of 56 Project
Draft 1.
Draft 2.
Draft 3.
Draft 3.
Typed Powerwrites
FCES...
FINAL GRADE ARGUEMENTS
Haripriya Bellam
Cecilia, Sect.025

INVENTION:

Invention is coming up with a story that focuses on a main event and can be told in an effective
manner. In the beginning, I thought that invention was coming up with a crazy and a never- be-
fore happened story. In my diagnostic, I wrote about a weird story on how independent I am be-
cause I put up my own Christmas lights. However in my recent powerwrites, especially in power
write two, I wrote about a more casual event and only focused on it. I didnt try to expand further
than that one main event, which made the story effective.

REVISION:

Revision is when you rewrite to significantly deepen, enrich and expand the meaning of your
work. The revisions are a part of the creative process and not just fixing grammar issues. In my
first two drafts of my 56 project, I didnt really change anything because I didnt think revision
was really going to help as I was worried it would take away from my point. However by talking
to my TA, I realized that revision challenges you to create the best version of your work in many
ways. There is a huge difference between my first and last draft of my 56 project. I didnt think I
would like my condensed last draft but in fact, I like it a lot more because it is straight to the
point and packed.

TRUTH AND WEIGHT:

Truth and weight is not coming to the page lightly and writing about something meaningful not
only to you, but to the readers as well. In my first powerwrite, I wrote a story I personally didnt
feel strongly about and didnt need to put much effort into. Moreover, it was very basic and didnt
have any insight. In my recent powerwrite, especially in powerwrite number 3, I wrote about my
first kiss story. That wasnt easy to write about and it definitely was very meaningful to me. I
wrote about something important to me and didnt use trivial or overgeneralized facts like I did in
my diagnostic.

CONCRETE DETAIL:

When the writer uses concrete details, they use their five senses to create a vivid experience for
the reader. Furthermore, it allows the writer to catalyze a concrete experience into emotional
subtext in a reader.In my diagnostic I wrote, my life is a very much a collection. Clearly we can
see in that phrase that I didnt even use one single sense to describe my circumstance com-
pared to when I wrote It fucking sucked, I felt like, that one feeling you know when youre about
to vomit and you know its coming but youre trying your hardest to just hold it in from my sec-
ond powerwrite. We can see here I improved and used my five senses to create a vivid image.
PACKED DETAILS:

Packed details are when the writer chooses images representing the whole experience and
omits less meaningful details that would clutter the writing and undermine its effectiveness. In
my first diagnostic I wrote, I am truly who I was meant to be. This is a great example of over-
generalizing and adding things that are unnecessary. However in my powerwrite two, I wrote,
Boys like that dont come around in a town wheres school have smog delays. We can clearly
see that we have a solid detail here compared to my diagnostic. I feel as though I grew the most
in this category because I have gotten a lot better at not generalizing and actually giving solid
examples as details.

NOUNS AND VERBS

Writers are supposed to choose verbs and nouns that create vivid reader experiences. The
verbs and nouns are concrete, tone filled and reflect writers voice. Adjective and adverbs usage
should be lessened and only used in dire circumstances. I used so many adjectives in my first
diagnostic. For example I wrote, the lights beamed with gold, it was absolutely fricking magi-
cal. This sentences is filled with adjectives and has no actual concrete detail. In my final 56 pro-
ject however, I used strong nouns like frostbite and verbs like snaked to create the most vivid
images and created my dramatic tone. I reduced my usage of adjectives overall as it created
meaningless clutter and added to my word count.

ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS

Adjectives and adverbs should be used very carefully and sparsely. The best images are cre-
ated from having strong and specific verbs and nouns. In my diagnostic I wrote, For anyone
else, this may seem arbitrary or trivial but for me, that simple moment when I clicked the switch
and the lights beamed with gold was absolutely fricking magical. Once again, we can see that
this sentence is filled with adjectives that dont truly capture the moment. In my 56 project how-
ever, I wrote, His voice is different ,laced with need, attention and affection. The strong verb in
this sentence captures the moment and helps the readers imagine it!

SOUND AND RHYTHM

Writer chooses the quality of sound, sentence length and sentence structure to enhance the
tone of the writing, adding emotional subtext to the readers experience. In my diagnostic I didnt
even know that writing could have sound and rhythm so I wrote my powerwrite in various sen-
tence structures and lengths because I wasnt aware of the sound/rhythm it created. However in
my 56 project, I used longer and wordier sentences to describe slower paced things like in para-
graph one but towards the end I used short sentences to create a tension filled and stream of
consciousness sound and rhythm.

TONE

Writer chooses and combines all of the elements above to create an emotional subtext. In the
beginning, I had such a formal tone because I was so accustomed to traditional school writing.
Thus, I didnt use my most original tone. You can see this clearly in my diagnostic when I for-
mally wrote, Obviously this is one example, things like this have the potential and do usually
happen everyday. However in my project 56, I wrote, Clearly alcohol was in the drivers seat
tonight. We can see in the second example I loosened up and added a humorous tone which is
more true to me and the story. This helps the reader imagine the characters and how the event
unfolded.

DICTION

Diction is the vocabulary or choice of words that a writer uses to create tone, voice and overall a
vivid story. Once again, in my diagnostic I was using very formal diction. Accustomed to tradi-
tional writing taught at school , I felt the need to use big words to sound smart. In my diagnostic,
I am guilty of this when I wrote, For just one second, I could bathe in the purest and freshest
form form of self satisfaction and self love. In my 56 project however, I used cuss words like
fuck, pissed and damn in addition to my reasonably smart words like craved and laced to
create a teenager/ smart alec tone which is true to me and the story. This really helps create a
very vivid story and helps readers characterize everyone involved in the story.

CONNOTATION

Connotation is a idea or feeling that a word invokes in addition to its literal meaning. I am some-
one who is super guilty of needing to tell the reader everything . In my first draft, I had over 1366
words but in my final draft I have 756 words and the biggest reason for this is because I realized
I do not have to include every single detail. Instead I started giving the readers just enough in-
formation that would allow them to see my point without filling in every single blank for them. We
can see this in the example ,You see, me and my friend, we dont have a relationship like that.
When were not fighting about something dumb, were thinking of what insult to say next so we
can fight about it. Were like oil and water, from my 56 project. I wrote about my relationship in
a few sentences and didnt write every single detail and allowed the reader to make some con-
notations.

VOICE

The writing is unique to the writer and nobody else sounds like this. In other words, its a writers
personality on paper. I used a very fake and formal voice in my first diagnostic. I wasn't using
the voice I use on a daily basis. It sounds very formal, and awkward. For example, I wrote, The
moments I cherish, the moments I crave and the moments where I feel myself growing mentally
in an exponential manner. This isn't how I talk nor how I want any of my characters to sound
like. This is something I fixed big time in my project 56. I finally added colloquial words which re-
ally show my voice that is unique to me.We can see this especially when I said, Its 2 oclock in
the damn night, and my head buzzes from the cheap Amsterdam .This kickback has been ex-
hausting in my 46 project.

CLICHE

Cliche is when you tell a story or a moment that has already been told many times. Its not
unique or interesting because it has simply been overdone. Initially I thought you had to come
up with a great, unseen story for things not to be cliche but the most important thing about
avoiding cliches is telling your story with unique and packed details. You can write about some-
thing everyone faces just as long as you tell it in an original way. In my diagnostic, I tried to write
a story only unique to me but in my 56 project I wrote about something everyone faces but I
added my own details to avoid cliches.
POWERWRITES
Haripriya Bellam
Cecilia, Sect. 025

POWERWRITE #1

Prove it to us, the teachers that you know you know the answer, you know what were doing,
that weve taught you well. Thesis, introduction, conclusion, transitions, prepositions, adjectives,
adverbs, throw them all in. Then only can you be good. Watch your tone, address the audience
in a certain manner remember its not us but fuck I mean something else and I feel the need to
change it but you- use you instead or I mean DO NOT USE you instead of we blah blah blah im-
prove your essay by building your vocabulary but think out of the box. Thats fucking stupid you
How can you think outside a box when you dont even know what the box is or how it looks like
in the first place improve they should say BUT HOW???? what is the correct way to write al-
ways? It always sucked most for the international students

POWERWRITE #2

Everyday my heart is broken I dont know Im one of those people who overcommits heavy em-
phasis over very quickly I always end up being the person who does more I think though I was
super heart broken this one guy finally after months of nothing but games decided to just stay
friends It fucking sucked, I felt like, that one feeling you know when youre about to vomit and
you know its coming but youre trying your hardest to just hold it in Basically I was talking to this
boy and mind you for the longest time I believed he was a perfect boy like he was truly a gem to
find in my town. Boys like that dont come around in a town wheres school have smog delays.
Lookswise he was whatever and his personality was absolutely golden- he made me laugh, and
he was into a lot of the stuff I was into and the stuff I wasnt into it was because it was way too
cool for me Anyways he went to school on the other side of the town that school was notorious
for miscarriages and dirty homophobic football team either ways he went there and we met at a
debate tournament I guess you could call it was nerd love because it sooo was, we mostly
texted for hours and hours and hours and hours late into the night sometimes about nothing and
other times about everything. He was supposed to take me out you know on a date but it kept
NOT happening I didn't want to lose him but I was also very tired of how he treated me. At one
point he got really depressed like way

POWERWRITE #3
The first time I almost kissed someone right well I wrot about this already in my 56 project but to
recap We had a long day but in the best way possible- we had gone to the beach and slid piz-
zas down our throats, raced each other breathlessly from how how out of shape we were and
lazily idles at rodeo- empty streets and closed shops and all. It was good we decided the night
possibly cold not be over. So we hastily made our minds up anyone could opt out- WE were go-
ing to get drunk! And thats what we did- one shot after another slicing the corners of our throats
slicing the corners of our throats from cheap Amsterdam..Because that wasnt enough, they de-
cided to get crossed between exasperation and giggles So now there was a very drunk me, a
very high boy, a gone beyond Earths atmosphere crossed boy and a couple- a high girlfriend
and a giggly crossed boyfriend I mean I guess I knew it had to be one of the two guys All of us
were past logical thinking to not have done something I had called the bed and the couple had
to take the floor with my high out of the atmosphere friend which left me with high boy. The thing
was

GRADE ARGUEMENT FCES


Haripriya Bellam
Cecilia, Sect. 025

FCE 10: FACTS OF UCR, TRUTH OF UCR


(Powerwite Style)

This doesnt characterize ucr really, what it cahracterizes more of or more just decribes what ucr
is like very applicale and baisc as hell. It;s just a bunch of facts- UCR is what you make out of it,
UCR is not 50 miles away from La if you dont use that you know? So it doesnt reallt provide an
accurate description of Ucr- thE fact that I picked is UCR is also within east driving distnaces of
desert, mountain and coastal destinations. It was tht day I rememebr clearlty all of our friends
were just lounging around well mostly me and my room mate and her now boy friend and we
had the nasty ass dorm food and we were all craving some good food- some ice cream so we
asked him that guy our friend if he cold take us to the afters in chino hills and he said if weg ave
him gas money hell yeah so we get into the cra that smells so familary unfamilar like its a smell i
smell all the time but it doesnt smell like anthing i can pinpoint really. ANyways I get into that car
and we start driving with the girls in the back and the boys in the front. We go there only to be
flabbergasted and confused about what to eat but we finally eat burgers-my roomate pays and i
remeber eating that messy burger while we were talking about shows and our exes. We talked
for loong about our exes, the pain of young love as we ate our ice cream. We walkd around ,and
we jumped all the way to the car when we got ready to leave but no one wanted to go hone-you
could feel it the energy like static buzzing so we decide to go to hunginton, we race some white
dudes. Funny stuff. WE get there and find parkig with difficulty and errors but when we get there
the beach is close so we try to go close to the water and so we start crawling across the sand
so the bops woulldnt catcg us, we decide its lame and leave. He starts DRIVING to a nw place-
he says its a surprise but we find out its a sunrise at grifffith. We sleep in the car and tell scary
storeis and avoid creepy dudes and fog up the windows and comaplin about how hot the cra is-
like a damn sauna. We finally drive up to the top and the view is the best- LIKE THE BEST LIKE
ABSOLUETLY STUNNING and then we drived back adn went to chem class like nothing
happpned but I knew there sitting that I loved UCR an dits location because that night changed
me , i came back someone different someone more free and loved
FCE 11:LIES ABOUT WAR
29 January 2017

1. Nearly 2/3 of military deaths in WWI were in battle. In previous conflicts, most deaths were
due to disease.
2. During WWI, British tanks were initially categorized into males and females. Male tanks
had cannons, while females had heavy machine guns
3. The Pool of Peace is a 40-ft (12-m) deep lake near Messines, Belgium. It fills a crater made
in 1917 when the British detonated a mine containing 45 tons of explosives.
4. During WWI, the Spanish flu caused about 1/3 of total military deaths
5. WWI is the sixth deadliest conflict in world history

These facts are different from the poem in the manner that they just state the facts. They just
generalize it to all of the population, which in turn takes away from personal experience. Per-
sonal experiences always make the audience connect and feel more so when you just state
things as the facts above you are disallowing tea audience to connect and feel for the writers or
the subject of the writing.

Our troops were heading to the next location X after succeeding in their past location battle.
They bought very bravely, risking their own comfort and their bodies for the sake of our country
and its peace. Some men were injured in this courageous battle but they trudged on with honor
when the opposite attack team bombed our men with gas bombs. Thanks to the extensive train-
ing our troops receive, 99% of our men managed to follow their training and put their gas mask
on in time however one soldier was not quick enough. His team tried to help but his lack of
quickness resulted in his death. We will notify his family this week and set up an honorable fu-
neral. We are thankful for the troops who put our lives in front of theirs everyday, and we salute
you.

FCE 25: CELEBRATION POEM

heres to the late nights, dark and salt filled , to the nights past 2 A.M.
and to the sleepy eyes
and to falling asleep

and heres to the dance parties and to


our dancing bodies swaying to the loud rap music
and to the funny moves, and to
the tired sighing when were done
only to get up and do it again

lets pretend the world doesnt exist,


as we pretend there is no homework
due tomorrow, no finals, and no
grades that will determine our jobs, our adult life careers, our happiness

heres to getting in the car at 12 AM in the night,


and driving around until the sun comes up
in the company of those I love