Happiness 1 ST

Copyright 2004 Sweeta Tyler
This book may not be reproduced in any form without permission

in writing from Happiness First, except for printouts for personal use,
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For further information write
Happiness First, P.O. Box 491, Florence, OR 97439
or email mediate@oregonfast.net
Contents
The Greatest Power on Earth.......................................................4

The Miracle of Happiness.......................................................................6
Happiness Inside and Out.......................................................................7
Values-Driven Happiness........................................................................8
Introducing Very Happy People.............................................................8
Introduction to the Tyler Method........................................................11
Harmony of Mind..................................................................................13
The Cycle of Happiness........................................................................15
The Cycle of Unhappiness....................................................................17
Three Ways the Conscious and Subconscious Get Along...................19
Faith.......................................................................................................20
Inspiration: Happiness is Important.....................................................24
Welcome to the Club: Two Secrets of Extreme Happiness.................24
True Values: One Size Fits All..............................................................27
Hints for Happiness...............................................................................28
Harmony of Mind: Subconscious Forces and Conscious Values........32
Why Talk Therapy
Never Made Anybody happy................................................................35
Thinking Happy: Beating Depression Forever....................................37
Big and Small Choices...........................................................................40
Solve the Small Problems and the Big Problems Solve Themselves ...43
Happiness: Accept No Substitutes........................................................47
Values are the Building Blocks of Happiness.......................................50
The Three Mistakes in Valuation.........................................................52
What Makes a Value True? .................................................................54
True and Permanent Values.................................................................55
The Tyler Method.................................................................................56
happinessfirst.com 3
The Greatest Power On Earth
Remember the last time you worked on something that was

important to you, and you did a good job? Remember the
inspiration, the clarity of values, the purpose that you had? You
know, it is a funny thing, because people save that state of mind
for their special projects, but you can have that state of mind
everyday. It takes less energy to make your best choice, and less
energy to be in your clearest and most inspired mind. And you
can get to that place in a matter of seconds.
I have studied Very Happy People for years, and I developed
this simple, powerful mental conditioning that you can use to be
so happy, people
Y
will smile when you ou are the person you
walk into a room. are meant to be, living
You are the person the life you are meant to
live. . . .to be a Very Happy
you are meant to be, Person you only need to
living the life you use the powers you
are meant to live. already have.
You do not need to
change yourself to be a Very Happy Person. In fact, Very Happy
People are not always trying to change themselves or other
people. To be a Very Happy Person you only need to use the
powers you already have.
The method described in this little book uses the greatest
power on earththe power of your conscious mind to recognize
the truthto help you be happy all the time. This method is for
everybody, whatever work you are doing or whatever challenge
you are facing, in every part of your life. You can use it quickly
and often to help you have a wonderful marriage, to help your
kids, to help you face any situation with confidence, to achieve
your goals. You can be the happiest person you know.
TheMiracleOfHappiness
Everybody wants to be happy. The wish to be happy is the

most universal impulse of the human mind. Behind all efforts and
pursuits is the wish to be happy. When you seek prosperity,
health, beauty, knowledge, family, success, approval, or fame, it
is all for the sake of happiness. When you pray it is for happiness,
when you are generous it is to bring happiness to others. To love
someone is to be
concerned about
their happiness. The I t takes only a few
moments a day to be a
Very Happy Person, today,
search for happiness everyday, and for the rest
is the essence of life of your life.
and is inseparable
from the will to live. It is everyones birthright and the common
ground of the entire human race. And the miracle is that it takes
only a few moments a day to be a Very Happy Person, today,
everyday, and for the rest of your life.
Things that are good are good because they bring happiness,
and things that are bad are bad because they take away
happiness. When someone is said to be old enough, that really
means he or she is old enough to decide what will make them
happy. Adult life begins when you take responsibility for your
own happiness and the happiness of others.
But what is happiness? What is it that drives people to pay
any price, take any risk, to go any distance? Is happiness a feeling
or a state of being, an experience or a possession? It is all of these
things and it is your most basic right. It only takes a few moments
a day to to claim the happiness that is already within you and be
a Very Happy Person, today and everyday of your life.
Happiness Inside And Out
Happiness is a state of mind with two parts. Inner happiness

is the inner realization of the important and true. This happiness
is within you and goes everywhere you go. It is the core of your
being. It is the freedom, compassion, worth living. Outer
happiness is your prosperity, loving relationships, vitality, well-
being, meaningful work, having fun, and helping others. Inner
happiness and outer happiness are like the seed and the flower.
Inner happiness, when expressed in your choices, brings outer
happiness.
As you choose to build your life on your inner happiness,
more and more outer happiness follows. To create happiness in
your life, you have to nurture the seed of inner happiness until it
grows into a beautiful strong tree, a life well worth living. You
can be happy all the time. You can be joyful, inspired, content
and creative wherever you are and whatever you happen to be
doing. When you make choices based on your inner happiness,
you are preferring the important and true, and you are putting
happiness first.
Values-Driven Happiness
Happiness is the creative art of adjustment to life based on

true values.
Introducing Very Happy People
Think of the happiest person you have ever known. What

about that person makes them so happy? We all know people
who seem to be happy all the time despite the ups and downs of
life, and we also know people who are always struggling. Why do
some people seem to be happy all the time? How is it that a
person can overcome hard luck and disadvantages to find
happiness?
Traits Of Very Happy People
Always seem to be in a good mood and put others in a good
mood just by being around them.
Look on the bright side and find the possibilities in
every situation.
Do their best and help others do their best
Make their dreams come true.
Are stable but make changes when they need to.
Take good care of themselves and others because they know
everyone is important.
Do not waste time or money.
Have self-respect and self-confidence.
Care about others but are not controlled by other
peoples opinions.
Have clear values and strong beliefs but are
not judgmental.
Stand up for themselves and what they believe in.
Make peace out of conflict and order out of chaos.
Do not worry. They make conscious choices, then let them go,
confident they have done their best.
Find happiness and beauty wherever they go.
Very Happy People are found in all walks of life and all kinds
of places, but they all prefer the important over the unimportant.
Very happy People are intentional people. Happiness is simply the
mental habit of preferring the important over the unimportant in all aspects of
life.
How Very Happy People Stay Happy

If you ask a Very Happy Person why they chose one thing
over another they can usually tell you why. If you ask a less hap-
py person the same thing they usually do not know. Very Happy
People are intentional. They use their mental powers with
purpose. There are many different words for the conscious
mental powers that connect you to something greater than your-
selfunderstanding,
wisdom, insight, in-
spiration, faith, truth
V
ery Happy People stay
in the Cycle of
Happiness by keeping
but whatever they small problems and mental
are called, Very conflicts from becoming
Happy People stay big ones.
happy by using true
values to solve small problems as they go along. Very Happy
People stay in the Cycle of Happiness by keeping small problems
and mental conflicts from becoming big ones.
They can do this because they know how to choose the
important over the unimportant, the true over the phony, and
the lasting over the temporary. If Mr. Happyhead (you will meet
him a few pages) gets a bad haircut he laughs it off and does not
go back to that barber. If Mr. Unhappyhead gets a bad haircut
he feels picked on. Because his self-confidence is already low, the
hack job on his hair is just more proof that he is a victim, and the
Cycle of Unhappiness continues.
Very Happy People carefully control the important things in
life and do not worry about the unimportant things. Less happy
people do not use true values to choose between the important
and unimportant, so they get upset by unimportant things. You
have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a conscious mind to valuate
and choose. Very Happy People know that even a small problem
can spin out of control, so they make value-driven choices about
things as they come up. As a result, Very Happy People enjoy
harmony of mind. Very Happy People also tend to have faith.
They believe in themselves, in life, and in something greater than
themselves.
Introduction To The Tyler Method
Very Happy People think in a special way by doing four

things quickly and often, and you can do that too. The Tyler
Method conditions your mind to ask four simple questions.
1. Describe problems that need to be solved. Very
Happy People resolve mental conflicts quickly and easily.
They know when something needs to be fixed, especially
when they feel uncomfortable. They do not just go along, they
figure out what is bothering them and make adjustments. But
while Very Happy People do not ignore problems, they also
do not overreact. Very Happy People dont look for
emergencies and they dont make any problem the end of the
world.
2. Know Their Inspiration. Very Happy People dont doubt

the importance of their lives. They may feel down, but not
worthless.
3. Understand the Importance of True Valuation. Very

Happy People have a strong and dynamic understanding of
true values. They keep these values in mind at all times and
use them in solving problems.
4. Make the Best Choice. Very happy people are good at

making their best choice in matters big and small. Then they
say, Ive done my best, and let it go.
Harmony Of Mind
Your mind has two parts: conscious and subconscious. Your

conscious mind is the reasoning part that holds your values and
uses them to make decisions. It holds the inspiration and faith
that says, I am special, important, and able to be happy. Your
subconscious has the energy and emotions that drive your life,
but it can not reason or evaluate, it can only react.
Your subconscious mind is like a sponge. If you put a sponge
in clean water it absorbs it, and if you put a sponge in dirty water
it absorbs that also. Very Happy People have the knack of
keeping their subconscious minds in clear, fresh water. The
conscious and subconscious parts of the mind work in harmony
in Very Happy People. The boundary between the conscious and
subconscious in Very Happy People is like the boundary between
two friendly countries. When the emotional energy of the sub-
conscious is guided by the reason and valuation of the conscious
mind there is har-
mony of mind and
happiness. Y our subconscious mind
is like a sponge. If you
put a sponge in clean
The boundary water it absorbs it, and if
between the con- you put a sponge in dirty
scious and subcon- water it absorbs that also.
scious of a less
happy person is like the boundary between warring nations. The
emotional energy of the subconscious overruns the reasoning
powers of the conscious mind. When the conscious mind is
invaded by negative emotions and impulses, it fights back. This
conflict of mind causes unhappiness.
Very Happy People live in ways that load the subconscious
with positive energy and positive emotions. They think happy
thoughts, say happy words, and choose good things to do. Less
happy people load the subconscious with negative emotions and
negative thoughts. As a result, they make poorer choices based
on less important values.
The subconscious can quickly make a mess of things when its
impulses conflict with true values. For happiness, the conscious
must direct the subconscious. When you put your inspiration and
values in charge of your subconscious, you load it with positive
thoughts and emotions, which in turn give a push to the Cycle of
Happiness.
The Cycle Of Happiness
Your conscious mind holds your faith, inspiration, valuation,

and ability to choose. These powers are stacked from the most
subconscious to the most conscious. Faith is both subconscious
and conscious, passively absorbed from the environment and
actively learned. Inspiration is the fully conscious knowledge that
your life and everyone's life is important. Mr. Happyhead makes
choices based on inspiration and valuation, and the Cycle of
Happiness gets stronger. He brings love and prosperity into every
part of his life and feels better about himself. This in turn loads
his subconscious with positive feelings, thoughts, and desires.
When the subconscious is loaded with positive mental energy,
mental conflict is reduced and it is easier to use conscious
powers. In this way, the Cycle of Happiness creates its own
momentum.
Your greatest power to make yourself and others happy is
through the power of choice. This power point is where faith,
inspiration, and valuation come together.
The Cycle Of Unhappiness
Mr. Unhappyhead reacts to life directly from his

subconscious mind. He is not aware of the many opportunities
every day to use his inspiration and valuation to make conscious
choices. Instead, he bypasses the power-point of conscious
choice and reacts to life. He doesnt make adjustments guided by
true values. This often leads to poor choices, which in turn load
his subconscious with negative feelings, thoughts, and desires.
When the subconscious is loaded with negative mental energy,
mental conflict is worsened. In this way, the Cycle of
Unhappiness creates its own momentum.
Mr. Unhappyhead has the same connection to truth and the
powers of choice as Mr. Happyhead, he just is not using them! It
is amazingly easy for Mr. Unhappyhead to become a happy
person. If he uses the Tyler Method it will take him only a few
minutes a day to become very happy!
Three Ways The Conscious And
Subconscious Get Along
Subconscious Dominates The Conscious

(Very Unhappy)
The raw forces of the subconscious run roughshod over the
conscious, and a person feels and acts out of control.
Conscious Forces The Subconscious

(Somewhat Unhappy)
The conscious mind tries to force the subconscious. It says,
Do this or do that! This is better than letting the subconscious
mind run wild, but it does not make you happy. Forcing the
subconscious mind to do something against its emotional energy
is known as will power. You can make yourself do something for
a while but sooner or later the subconscious takes over, and you
find yourself doing things you do not want to do.
Conscious And Subconscious

Work Together (Very Happy)
Very Happy People listen to the emotional energy of the
subconscious, but they dont let the subconscious take control.
They keep the higher powers of the conscious mind in the
drivers seat. They are in touch with negative emotions, so they
are good at knowing when a problem needs fixing. Very Happy
People use inspiration to say, It is important for me to solve this
problem. They use faith to believe in themselves, and they use
true values when deciding what to do. And then they let it go,
confident they have done their best.
Faith
Faith is a deeply held belief. Faith is partly conscious and

partly subconscious. Very Happy People have three kinds of
faith: belief in themselves, belief in life, and belief in God or
something that makes life important. Everybody is born with
these three kinds of faith. Children are born with faith in elders
and faith in the Divine is the natural condition of all humankind.
Like happiness, faith is a miracle you are born with, although it
can be lost or given up.
Faith In Yourself
Faith in yourself has two parts: self-respect and self-
confidence. Self-respect is seeing your life as sacred and
important. It is the belief that happiness is your natural state and
that you are meant to be happy. Self-respect makes you unwilling
to accept mistreatment from others and enables you to know
who your friends are. A friend is someone who wants you to be
happy.
Self-respect is more important than self-esteem. Self-respect
is based on a
A
bedrock of faith, so friend is someone who
it holds up under wants you to be happy.
praise and criti-
cism. Self-esteem is based on what others think, so it is easily
damaged. Self-respect flows from your connection to inner
happiness, to what is important and true, so it does not go up
and down like self-esteem. Self-esteem is based on opinions, so it
fluctuates with influences outside your control. Self-respect is
inborn and can not be taken away. Self-esteem has to be built up.
Self-confidence is the belief that you can put the importance of
your life into action, and that you have the power to be happy.
Self-confidence does not come from others, it comes from your
own achievements in happiness.
Faith In Life
Faith in life is believing that life is important and worth
living. This is the faith that helps you find happiness wherever
you are and whatever you are doing. It means seeing the best in
other people and the possibilities for happiness in every situation.
Write a personal statement of faith. Include faith in yourself, your
life, and the source of importance and value in your life. This is a
happiness pep talk you quickly review when you use the Tyler
Method, or whenever you feel like it.
My Statement of Faith
I believe in myself. I respect myself. I believe I can

do my best and solve problems and be happy. My life
is too important to let any problem get out of hand.
Do You Need To Believe In God
To Be Happy?
To be a Very Happy Person you need to live as if your life
and everyones life is
important. People
can talk about faith
but if they do not
H appiness is the art of
staying free of the
unimportant. When it
live their faith, it will comes to happiness, what
not help them be you do with your life is
more important than what
happy. On the other you say about your beliefs.
hand, it is possible
for someone to feel
unsure about God and yet live as if life is important and be a
Very Happy Person. While people of faith tend to be happier
than atheists, it is also true that people without any avowed faith
can be happy. Happiness is living as if life is sacred and
important. A person who lives as if human beings have no inborn
worth, whatever they say about faith, can not be very happy.
Happiness is the art of staying free of the unimportant. Any
person who lives according to true values can be very happy.
When it comes to happiness, what you do with your life is more
important than what you say about your beliefs.
Inspiration: Happiness Is Important
It is your birthright to be happy but you have to claim that

right. The key to happiness is to always keep in mind that your
life is special and important. Inspiration is your conscious
connection to that knowledge.
When you know your life is important, you do your best to
make choices based on true values. When you know your life
really matters, you care about yourself and others, and you have
hope for the future. Very Happy People are inspired people.
Welcome To The Club: Two Secrets Of

Extreme Happiness
All Very Happy People know two secrets: happiness is found

in the small things of life and happiness is for right now. People
sometimes stake their happiness on some big thing they are
hoping for. They think, When I move away from here I'll be
happy, or If only he would love me I'll be happy, or When I
have more money I'll be happy. Happiness delayed is happiness
denied. It is only natural to prefer certain things. But happiness is
found more in the ordinary moments and small things than in
R
the occasional big eal happiness is based
changes and tri- on the full appreciation
umphs. You often of everything that comes
to us, small as well as big,
hear, Be careful
and life is mainly made up
what you wish for, of small happenings.
but you never hear,
Be careful about being happy with what you have.
Real happiness is based on the full appreciation of every-
thing that comes to us, small as well as big, and life is mainly
made up of small happenings. Some people believe happiness is a
goal for the future and that they have to endure unhappiness
today in order to experience happiness some other day. There is
never a good reason to postpone happiness. Happiness is the
habit of living a values-driven life, the happier you are today, the
more likely you are to be happy tomorrow.
Everybody feels the importance of making the best choice in
very big decisions, but we only have to make a few really big
choices in life. For every big choice that you think deeply about,
you make thousands
H
of small choices that appiness is the habit
you might not think of living a values-
about at all. Very driven life, and the happier
you are today, the more
happy people make
likely you are to be happy
their best choices in tomorrow.
the small decisions
of everyday life. We tend to spend too much time on our big
choices and not enough time on the small ones. We have a hard
time making a commitment because we are always trying to get
exactly what we want in our big choices. Extreme happiness is
found by making a peace with the big choices and doing your
best with the small everyday ones.
People sometimes spend years looking for Mr. or Miss
Right because they believe their happiness rides on the perfect
choice. They spend years in analysis-paralysis not doing much
of anything, or they flit from one pursuit to another hoping the
next thing will be right. A lot of time and money are wasted on
unfinished education and work because people do not under-
stand that happiness
is found not so much
in what you are
doing, but rather in
E verybody feels the
importance of making
the best choice in very big
how you are doing decisions . . . but for every
big choice you about
it. Happiness is deeply, you make
gained not so much thousands of small choices
finding the perfect that you might not think
about at all.
job or partner or
place to live, as it is
in making the most of what you have found. When it comes to
happiness, the ordinary everyday decisions of everyday life more
important than the few big decisions.
Some people get stuck in making a decisions and do not get
to be happy now. A sense of power comes from keeping options
open and playing the field. Often people drag out big decisions
because they are afraid to make a mistake out of the misguided
belief that happiness is a one-shot deal. They have not yet
learned two secrets: happiness is mainly composed of the small
and the present.
True Values: One Size Fits All
There is only one set of true values. Whether you are

deciding what to wear today or who to marry, the same
important and true values come into play. Very Happy People
know that even the small choices deserve to be based on what is
important. Why save your inspired intelligence for the big
decisions? It does not take any more time or energy to discover
the truest value and make the best choice, for any decision, small
or large.
Of course it is wise to take time when making a major
decision. The few big choices you have to make need to be made
thoughtfully. But your true happiness is a positive and creative
adjustment to the circumstances of every day life, most of which
lie outside of your control. Happiness is lived one smile, one good
T
word, one positive he secret to happiness
thought, one helpful is to give equal
moment at a time. importance to the small
choices as to the major
The secret to happi-
choices that we mistakenly
ness is to give the believe are defining our
same importance to lives.
small choices as well
as to the few big choices that we mistakenly believe are defining
our lives. Extreme happiness results from the ability to make
small choices and solve small problems quickly, using the same
inspiration and values as you would for big choices. In fact, it
saves time and energy. Happiness is yours when you use inspired
intelligence and true values in the small choices of everyday life.
The club of Very Happy People is looking for new members, join
today!
Hints For Happiness
The source of happiness within you never fails, and Very

Happy People tap into that source through value-driven choices.
Very Happy People get advice when they need it, they read
useful books, and they avoid the negative stuff. But bottom line,
all help is self-help, and Very Happy People know how to solve
their own problemsand even more importantly, they prevent
little problems from growing into big problems. You too can do
that and be a Very Happy Person yourself, or learn to do it even
better and be even happier. Here are some hints.
#1 Unhappiness Is Not The Same As Sorrow

Most unhappiness is not caused by loss, but by mental
conflict. It is true that very sad things happen to people and
sorrow is the natural response, but there is a difference between
sorrow and unhappiness. Sorrow has a way of reminding us of
what is important and true, whereas unhappiness has a way of
making us forget what is important and true. Even while facing
very bad times or grieving, Very Happy People make good
choices and find ways to avoid the Cycle of Unhappiness.
#2 Happiness Is Not The Same As Pleasure

Just as unhappiness is different from grief that follows losing
what you love, happiness is different from pleasure that follows
getting what you want. We all prefer certain possessions,
activities, and company. We all have our own likes and dislikes,
and it is only natural to feel pleasure when we get what we want
and displeasure when we do not. There is nothing wrong with
these natural reactions, but when a person depends on the
unimportant for their pleasure, they tend to become unhappy.
W
Addiction is depend- hen a person depends
ing on the unimpor- on the unimportant
tant for pleasure, for their pleasure, they
tend to become unhappy.
and we all know
how addictions can
put life out of control. The key to extreme happiness is not to
stop wanting things, but to consistently make choices based on
what is important. Very Happy People enjoy their preferences as
much as anyone but because they prefer the important and true,
especially in the small choices of everyday life, they naturally
move toward prosperity and peace of mind.
#3 Best Choices Choose You Back

When you make a best choice based on true valuation a
wonderful thing happens: your choice chooses you back. The
best choice fits right, feels right, and works right. The best choice
deepens your self-confidence. One best choice has a momentum
that leads to another. Very Happy People tend to choose the
people, places, and things that choose them back.
#4 The Best Choice Is Not Always Forever

What about the choice that was good at the time, but not
forever? What about the commitment that worked for a time and
then had to change, the marriage that was happy for a time and
produced beautiful children but then had to end? What about
the career that had to end? We live in times of dizzying change
and are under non-
T
stop pressure to try rue values do not
new things and ad- change. What does
just to new circum- change is the best way to
put those values into
stances. We have to
action. That is why a choice
constantly re-evalu- can be right for a time, but
ate and change our not right forever.
outer lives just to
keep up with the swiftly changing world. We are always asking
ourselves, Is this what I want? . . . Will this work out? . . . Is this
the right decision for me? The more choices you have to make,
the more you need to know what is important. True values do
not change. What does change is the best way to put those values
into action. That is why a choice can be right for a time, but not
right forever.
Very Happy People keep their promises but they are also
able to make big changes when needed. Because the world today
changes so quickly, it often happens that a best choice will not
last a lifetime. In simpler and slower times a good enough choice
in a major decision could be made to go the distance. The world
was more stable, roles and duties more fixed, and choices few. In
such a world, a reasonable choice in marriage or career, where to
live, or what work to do was easier to stay with over the long run.
In today's world, having to make changes does not necessarily
mean a choice was wrong. Here is a hint. When you have to
make a major change you do not have to rewrite history to do it.
Sometimes when people want to make a major change they
convince themselves that a reasonable choice made in the past
was a bad choice. A husband or wife who was once a good
person becomes a bad person, the career that was once fulfilling
becomes boring. Rewriting history does not make you happy, it
tends to make you feel regret and lose the happiness that you did
have.
Harmony Of Mind: Subconscious Forces

And Conscious Values
Very Happy People are found in all walks of life, in all parts
of the world, and in all races and religions. But all Very Happy
People have one thing in common: they enjoy harmony of mind.
They know how to resolve conflicts between subconscious forces
and conscious values.
The conscious and subconscious parts of your mind are very
different, they learn in different ways, do different jobs, and have
different powers. You use the conscious part of your mind to
make decisions. It gives you the power of choice based on
valuation. The larger subconscious has the emotional energy to
go the distance. The subconscious and conscious are like the
horse and rider. The horse has the strength to carry the rider
great distances, but the rider has to be in control to get where he
wants to go.
The conscious part of your mind is aware, intentional, and
active, but it can only process a small amount of information at a
time. It learns actively by evaluating the results of trial and error.
The conscious part of your mind makes your choices and plans
your life. The powers that enable you to be happyyour
inspiration, valuation, and choiceare all powers of the
conscious mind.
The subconscious part of your mind is passive and non-
intentional. It stores all of your memories and learns passively.
The subconscious tries to get pleasure and avoid pain, but it can
not tell the difference between pleasure that leads to happiness
and pleasure that leads to unhappiness. The subconscious soaks
up pleasure indiscriminately. Still, your subconscious plays a big
part in your happiness. Desires, emotions, and memories are
stored in the subconscious. Very Happy People load their
subconscious minds with positive thoughts and avoid negative
influences. Less happy people allow negative influences to pile up
in the subconscious mind.
A sure sign of a master is economy of effort. Very Happy
People have mastered the art of values-driven living, so for them
it takes just a small effort to keep the cycle of happiness going.
Very Happy People do not spend a lot of time worrying over a
decision. When they make a decision they can usually tell you
why they chose one thing over another. If you are basing your
choices on values, you can not help but know what those values
are. A less happy person is not as clear about their values, and
often can not tell why they chose one thing over another.
Most unhappi-
ness is caused by
conflict between the
M ost unhappiness is
caused by conflict
between the conscious and
conscious and sub- subconscious parts of your
conscious parts of mind.
your mind. When
subconscious desires, fears, and memories conflict with conscious
values and beliefs, you feel confusion, worry, and doubt. Mental
conflict leaves you with a sense that something is wrong. It also
causes self-doubt. When mental conflict is severe, the Cycle of
Unhappiness begins. A person loses confidence and makes poor
choices, loading the subconscious with negative emotional
energy. This leads to more mental conflict. On the other hand,
Very Happy People enjoy harmony of mind because the
important values of their conscious mind are in control of their
choices. These choices load the subconscious with positive
emotional energy, and this leads to harmony of mind.
Why Talk Therapy
Never Made Anybody Happy
It has been understood for many years that conflict between

the conscious and subconscious parts of the mind causes mental
problems. That idea is the basis of all the different kinds of talk
therapy. The talk therapies share the theory that it is helpful to
get in touch with the feelings and memories in the subconscious
mind. Talk therapy is based on the belief that just talking about
ones feelings, life, or memories is helpful. It assumes that talking
about things brings them into the conscious mind and
automatically helps resolve the mental conflicts that are causing
unhappiness.
The assumption
that just talking
about things resolves
T he assumption that just
talking about things
resolves conflict and makes
conflict and makes us happy is one of the most
us happy is one of widely accepted delusions
of modern times.
the most widely
accepted delusions
of modern times. The talk therapy movement failed to make
people happier and failed to make the world a happier place
because merely bringing subconscious feelings and memories to
consciousness will not resolve mental conflict. Talk therapy may
help people feel better, but happiness depends on valuation, and
talk therapy is short on it.
1. Talk therapy is basically negative. It gives too much attention

to the negative feelings and forces in the subconscious and not
enough attention to values. When you spend a lot of time
thinking about unhappiness and mental conflicts without
applying inspiration and valuation, you end up giving power
to the conflicts and nothing to their solutions.
2. Happiness is creative adjustment to life based on true values.

It may be interesting to explore the subconscious part of your
mind, but if you want to be happy, do not spend too much
time delving into your subconscious. You are better off
loading your subconscious mind with positive thoughts and let
it be.
3. Talk therapy overemphasizes feelings, which arise in the

subconscious part of the mind. The subconscious can be
loaded with good feelings through good choices and good
experiences, or bad feelings through bad experiences. Feelings
are like cargo in a ship: they have a lot to do with how the
ship handles but by themselves they can not steer the ship to
the port of happiness.
All help is self-help. However, the all-important connection
between the conscious and subconscious mind has been
overlooked by the self-help movement. Until now. The Tyler
Method fills that gap in self-help psychology by helping you use
the powers of your conscious mindinspiration, valuation, and
choiceto create the happiness you deserve.
Thinking Happy:
Beating Depression Forever
Life involves so many choices it is not possible to be entirely

free from mental conflict. Whether you are rich and famous, or
leading a quiet life, everyone has to deal with conflicting desires
and emotions. Your mind has the job of maintaining balance
among these pressures and forces, but this balance is continually
disturbed by internal mental conflicts. Most of these are small
worries, doubts, and hangups, the negative thoughts and
emotional reactions that bug us and cause a small, but
manageable amount of worry and distress. But every now and
then a mental conflict takes hold and really knocks a person for a
loop. Loop is the right word, because the mind gets stuck in a
loop of mental conflict that plays over and over. Sometimes the
mental conflict is so severe the mind gives up, and there is
depression.
The only differ-
ence between so-
called normal
D epression is a mind
taken hostage by the
unimportant.
people and de-
pressed people is that normal people can pretty much solve these
mental conflicts while depressed people get stuck in them.
Depression is a mind stuck in conflict. It is a mind taken hostage
by the unimportant. A person who can resolve mental conflicts
does so by using the power of the conscious mind, while a person
who is having a harder time resolving mental conflicts is
overwhelmed by his or her subconscious forces. The knack of
getting past mental conflict has to do with using the power of
your conscious mind.
When the mind
gets stuck in conflict
mode, brain chemi-
I f you believe medicine or
therapy is helping you,
thats great.
cals start to become
imbalanced, and the behaviors the brain regulates, such as mood,
thinking, sleeping, and eating, get out of whack. It often becomes
necessary to restore the chemical balance of the brain with
medicine. Medicine to treat depression can be helpful and is
sometimes essential. It can give you the energy, rest, and clarity
you need to make yourself happy again. By itself medicine can
not make you happy. If you feel medicine or therapy is helping
you, thats great. The Tyler Method is perfectly compatible with
any form of mental health treatment.
The key to hap-
piness is in the
thinking powers of
T he Tyler Method works
with other forms of
treatment, and unlike
the conscious mind. medication and talk
When a person be- therapy, it not only treats
the problem, it is the
comes depressed solution.
these powers lose
strength. Depressed
people often feel like they are in a fog, they stop thinking clearly,
they lose confidence and become indecisive, or feel helpless and
that there is no way out. But there is something you can do to
kickstart the Cycle of Happiness, at your own pace, without cost
or side-effects or scheduling an appointment with anybody. The
Tyler Method works with other forms of treatment, and unlike
medication and talk therapy, it not only treats the problem, it is
the solution.
Everybody has mental conflicts, because the mind is mainly
driven by forces in the subconscious. Much, if not most, of the
time we live by reacting to impulses that arise in the
subconscious mind. Often these forces come into conflict with
the values and beliefs of the conscious mind. The impulses of the
subconscious mind are swift and strong, and they influence what
we say and do before we even know it. There is no shame in
being depressed. On the contrary, very sensitive, loving and
idealistic people are often more prone to mental conflict and
therefore to depression. If a person is especially caring, gentle
and idealistic, there is often a more severe conflict between the
memories and feelings carried in the subconscious and their
conscious values and ideals. For such idealistic people, using the
powers of inspiration and valuation can lead to especially
dramatic and positive changes. Other therapies do not
emphasize these powers but they are what make the The Tyler
Method work.
Big And Small Choices
Big choices direct the external course, or structure, of your

life. These choices are the relatively few big decisions that give
shape to your life. Where to live, what work to do, who to marry
are examples of big choices. You make big choices only from
time to time, so you are likely to give them quite a bit of thought.
Big choices usually involve a certain amount of mental
conflict due to competing values. One course taken means
another course has to be given up, one set of hopes fulfilled
means another has to be forgotten. You really want to get your
big choices right because you know you will be living with them
for a long time, so you probably make them consciously and try
to get them right. And you are also likely to get help from others
in making those big choices.
On the other hand, you also make many small choices
everyday. The things you say, the places you go, the company
you keep, what you buy,what you eat and drink, and wear, what
you read and TV and so on. Even though these small decisions
are the real workings of happiness, most of us make them
unconsciously and automatically. We tend to think we can pay a
lot of attention to the big choices and the small choices will take
care of themselves. But happiness does not work like that. In fact,
that is just the opposite of what we need to do to be happy.
Happiness is
mainly gained by
preferring the im-
H appiness is mainly
gained by preferring
the important in small
portant in small choices. Over time, good
choices. Over time, big choices, such as
marrying a good person
good big choices, and getting a good
such as marrying a education, can be spoiled
good person and by poor small choices.
getting a good edu-
cation, can be spoiled by poor small choices. Good small choices
can fill a modest life with joy. Poor small choices can make even
a wealthy or unfortunate life unhappy. Preferring the important
in small choices can overcome disappointment, but poor small
choices can cast a shadow over a life that is blessed with little dis-
appointment. Very Happy People are good at making a lot of
happiness from just
small decisions be-
cause they use im- W hen people are
unhappy. . . . it is
easier to blame the big
portant values for choices than to change the
every choice, the small ones.
small ones as well as
the big. Whether you are deciding to wear jeans or the
conservative suit, or whether to get married or not, when a
decision is based on true values things work out for the best.
Big choices are usually made intentionally, and small choices
tend to be driven by subconscious reactions, so people blame
their big choices when they are unhappy. People think, If only
Id been offered that job I'd be happy or If that relationship
had worked out Id be happy. It is easier to blame our big
choices than to change our small ones. Big choices can be
changed through a single decision, but small choices involve
keeping true values in mind every day.
The many small
choices we make
every day control
L ike the old saying, take
care of the pennies and
the dollars will take care of
our few big choices themselves, if you take
more than the other care of the small choices,
the big choices will take
way around. People care of themselves.
who are positive,
cheerful, honest, energetic, and take good care of their health
find that doors open to them. As a result, they have more options
in their big choices. People who are negative, gloomy, or not
quite on the up and up in their small choices have fewer options
in their big choices.
Like the old saying, take care of the pennies and the dollars
will take care of themselves, if you take care of the small choices,
the big choices will take care of themselves.
Solve The Small Problems And The Big

Problems Will Solve Themselves
The miracle of happiness is yours when you make it a habit

to make choices that reflect true values. Preferring the important
brings peace of mind, joy, and freedom. Being controlled by the
unimportant brings uneasiness, frustration, and confusion. When
your mind has difficulty determining the important and making
the best choice, it is because of mental conflictyou do not know
your own mind, you are not sure what you want. When your
mind is in conflict you say one thing and do another, waste time
and effort, and do things that feel wrong.
The key to remaining happy through the ups and downs of
life is maintaining your connection with what is important and
true. If everyone has inborn inspiration and faith, why do we
make so many mistakes? Why is there so much unhappiness?
Because the subconscious has its own desires and impulses that
can not choose the important.
The largest part
of the mind is the
subconscious. It
W hat is the difference
between a small
problem and a big problem?
holds thoughts, feel- A small problem becomes a
ings, and desires re- big problem when the Cycle
of Unhappiness begins.
lated to the body,
and it also holds
unimportant desires from the outside world. In addition, the
world is also constantly loading the subconscious with
unnecessary fear. The feelings, desires, and impulses of the
subconscious are so forceful, when the subconscious overwhelms
the conscious mind, a person ends up making poor choices or is
driven by subconscious reactions and does not make choices at
all. When you do something you do not really want to do, self-
respect and self-confidence suffer and the Cycle of Unhappiness
begins. Very Happy People solve the small problems as they go
along, so the Cycle of Unhappiness does not have a chance to
begin. What is the difference between a small problem and a big
problem? A small problem becomes a big problem when the
Cycle of Unhappiness begins. Also, a conflict is sure to reappear
in some different form if it has not been intelligently resolved.
Because The Tyler Method works so well with very small
problems, it helps stop the Cycle of Unhappiness. When a person
is in that cycle it works best to break the big problem into smaller
ones rather than try to tackle everything at once. The way to do
that is to ask, What is the problem at this very moment? What is
best thing for me to do right now? Right now means this very
hour.
Big problems are overwhelming and people start to think,
Maybe Im the problem. You are never the problem, you
are the solution. You can start the Cycle of Happiness one
small choice at a time. Start somewhere, start anywhere. Start
small and start often.
Hidden Mental Conflicts

Have you ever felt uncomfortable about something but did
not know why? You are experiencing a hidden mental conflict.
Hidden conflicts lie just beneath the surface of the conscious
mind and make you feel uneasy, worried, and unhappy. The sure
sign of a hidden mental conflict is when your whole heart is not
in whatever it is you are thinking or doing.
When you have an open mental conflict your mind works
consciously to restore harmony by choosing one alternative or
another. But when you have a hidden conflict your mind makes
unconscious and usually unsatisfactory adjustments. When that
happens a person will react rather than think through what they
want to do. In order to resolve a conflict, solve a problem, or
make your best choice, it needs to be brought to the conscious
mind.
You do not have
to delve deeply into
your subconscious,
Y ou do not have to delve
deeply into your
subconscious to resolve
go into hypnosis, or hidden mental conflicts.
lie on a couch to re- Very Happy People spend a
few moments several times
solve hidden mental a day bringing conflicts to
conflicts. Very Hap- the surface of the conscious
py People spend a mind and resolving them
few moments several quickly.
times a day bringing

conflicts to the surface of the conscious mind to resolve them.
When something makes Very Happy People uncomfortable, they
pay attention to it out of self-respect. Pay close attention to those
vague, uneasy, reluctant feelings. Notice when you feel
uncomfortable, what is going on, who you are with. Ask yourself,
Whats bugging me? and wait until your mind gives you an
answer. You do not have to go to an expert to find out what is
bothering you. The expert will tell you what is bothering him, or
what he thinks should be bothering you, which is what he thinks
would be bothering him if he were you.
If you are just learning how to bring hidden conflicts to light,
you might want to jot down a few notes as you do this. Trust
your judgment. You are the expert of your own mind, you know
what is bothering you. Your mind really wants to be harmonious
and happy. If you give it a chance and listen, it will tell you what
the trouble is. Whole-hearted happiness is the natural condition
of your mind. Do not settle for anything less!
Happiness: Accept No Substitutes
Happiness is a miracle that increases when it is shared. As

you claim more and more happiness you make others happy too.
You do not have to be worried that your happiness will make
somebody else unhappy. We all benefit from each other's
happiness. Happiness makes you a better partner and friend.
Your happiness might not be what another person wants, but it is
what they need. If you give people what they want against your
own inner truth, it will not work in the long run.
Once you are determined to claim happiness the path is
easier than you think. Why then are so many people unhappy?
Because it is also human nature to be tricked into believing in the
unimportant.
If you commit to using you mind to choose the important
over the unimportant you can do it. Once you have made a firm
decision to be happy, nothing can stand in your way. Here are
some happiness drains to watch out for.
Happiness Drain #1: Worry

Worry is counterfeit valuation and probably the most
common happiness drains. No amount of worrying will change
the past, and most things that people worry about for the future
do not happen. If they do they are usually not as bad as they
were expected to be. Worry never helped anybody or anything.
It clutters up the mind and makes it more difficult to use the
powers of inspiration, valuation, and best choice. If you ever find
yourself worrying, use The Tyler Method, then say, Ive done
my best, and let it go.
Happiness Drain #2: Chaos And Confusion

Making your best choice and then letting it go puts an end to
chaos and confusion. Less happy people confuse passion with
happiness, and mistake confusion for freedom. They think living
in a frenzy of passionate feeling will bring happiness. But to stir
up passionate feeling for its own sake makes life chaotic. Passion
for important things brings great happiness; passion for
unimportant things brings chaos. Passion based on the important
leads to creativity; passion based on the unimportant leads to
noise. You can be very passionate and very happy when you
prefer the important.
Happiness Drain #3: Fault-finding
Nothing is perfect. It is always possible to find imperfections
in anything. The habit of criticism might make a person feel
superior, but self-respect and self-confidence remove the need to
prop oneself up at the cost of others. Criticism tends to focus on
the unimportant, which is why it divides people. Very Happy
People look for the good, beautiful, and the important
everywhere and in everything.
Happiness Drain #4: Victimization

Some people say they want to be happy but other people will
not let them. In this way, they stop thinking for themselves and
let other people interfere with their best choices. It is very simple:
no one has the power to take away your happiness if you are
determined to have it.
Happiness Drain #5: Disliking The World

People are united by what is important and divided by what
is unimportant. When we focus on the important we are brought
together, and when we focus on the unimportant we are divided.
Very Happy People focus on what is important in life, and do not
waste energy being cross with the imperfections of the world.
Values Are The Building Blocks
of Happiness
Of all the creatures on the planet, human beings are uniquely

able to make themselves happy through the power of valuation.
Values are the ABCs of truth, and Very Happy People know this
alphabet.
There are two kinds of knowledge: facts and values. Facts are
bits of information that describe things, and values are
assessments of the worth and importance of things. Both facts
and values require thought to understand, but values are much
more important to happiness than facts. By itself, no fact has
much importance. Both facts and values can be judged to be true
or false in varying degrees, but a fact can be important only when
it relates to a value in some way. For instance, it might be a fact
that a certain person is the mayor of a small city in Peru, but
unless you are interested in that city, the mayors name is a fact
with very little value to your happiness.
Facts become important for happiness when they help you to
understand a value, and when they help you valuate. Facts can
give you the means to something important, and they can also
help you valuate the importance of something. An example of
the first case is the combination to a safe that holds all your mon-
ey. The numbers in the combination have no value in
themselves, but they become important because they enable you
A
to get into the safe person can know that
and get your money. eating chocolate cake is
An example of a fact bad for their health, but
unless the cake lover acts
that assists in upon the value that health
valuation is the is important, he will keep
safety record of an stopping at every bakery.
automobile you are
thinking about buying. You could use that fact to determine the
cars safety. But unless you value safety in the first place, the fact
has no importance. For instance, a person can know that eating
chocolate cake is bad for their health, but unless the cake lover
acts upon the value that health is important, he will keep
stopping at every bakery.
Information by itself can not help you make the best choice
and be happy. Brainy and informed people can be very unhappy
and make others unhappy if they do not use true valuation, and
people without college degrees can be very happy and make
others happy if they prefer the important and valuate well. For
example, it often happens that a less happy person can know the
why doing something is harmful, but continue to do it anyway.
We can all think of examples of facts not being enough to make
us happy. The point is, factual knowledge alone can not make
you happy. You have to turn your intellectual knowledge over to
true values, and then put those values into action.
Just as there are two kinds knowledge there are two kinds of
mistakes: 1) believing something is a fact when it is not a fact,
and 2) mistakes in valuation. The second kind of mistake is what
makes or breaks happiness. To be very happy you have to avoid
mistakes of valuation.
The Three Mistakes In Valuation
1. Taking as important that which is unimportant.

2. Taking as unimportant that which is important.
3. Not giving to something its real importance.
The first kind of mistake in valuation that causes unhappiness

is when a person does not understand what is important in their
life. An example of this mistake is someone leaving their family to
join a meditation ashram. Caring for your family is more
important than meditation.
The second kind of mistake is when a person does not
understand what is unimportant in life. An example that mistake
is a young girl who wrecks her health through dieting in order to
be extremely thin. Health is important, Looking thin is
unimportant compared to health.
The third kind of mistake in valuation is when a person
misunderstands the real importance of something. An example of
giving something the wrong importance is being friends with a
person you do not like much because he or she is wealthy.
Money is important but it is not the most important reason to be
somebodys friend.
It is a myth that
facts are
important as values.
as
O n a worldwide level, if
information prevented
conflict we would all be in
Truth sets you free, heaven already.
not information. A
lot of harm has been done in believing that all people need is
facts, and not values, to make the best choice. For example,
knowing a lot about a spouse will not by itself prevent a married
couple from fighting like cats and dogs. They have to prefer the
important values of love and respect in order to get along. In
truth, most conflict in marriage and other relationships is caused
by mistaken valuation, not by poor communication.
On a worldwide level, if information prevented conflict we
would all be in heaven already. Better information and commu-
nication do not automatically lead to peace. If you scratch the
surface of unhappiness you will find a mistake in valuation. Over
time, mistakes in valuation spoil happiness much more than
mistakes in facts. Still, it is easier than you might think to avoid
mistakes in valuation. It only takes a few moments of thought to
determine what is important, and that is the key to happiness.
What Makes A Value True?
Truth is greatest power in creation. True values are absolute,

important, and universal. They are intrinsic, which means they
are part of the fabric of life. For example, your life is sacred and
important in itself, and those qualities can never be taken away.
True values are permanent. They are not liable to change from
time to time or from person to person, while less true values are
related to wants, opinions, or theories. They are relative and
impermanent, liable to change from time to time and from
person to person. True values are universal and unifying. Less
true values apply to some people but not others.
Every person is born with a sense of true values. The key to
happiness is to use that sense intentionally to create a value-
driven life. Religion and education are helpful when they give
people the words and principles to put true values into action,
but they are not helpful when they teach false values, or lead
people to be preoccupied with the unimportant.
The truth of your values is found in the silence between
words. That is why it is so difficult to put into words what a value
means. True values are universal and different aspects of the
same Truth. If understanding were a matter of finding the right
words, than having a big vocabulary would guarantee happiness.
But happiness is not only a matter of finding the right words, it is
a matter of living your inspired truth.
True And Permanent Values
Heres a good start. You can add other values to this list.
Adaptability Enthusiasm Love

Authenticity Fairness Loyalty
Balance Faithfulness Mercy
Benevolence Fidelity Optimism
Boldness Forbearance Patience
Cheerfulness Forgiveness Peacefulness
Childlike Forthrightness Persistence
Charity Fortitude Poise
Clarity Friendship Practicality
Commitment Generosity Purity
Common Sense Goodness Rationality
Compassion Gratitude Reasonableness
Composure Graciousness Resourcefulness
Contentment Happiness Respect
Consideration Harmlessness Resolution
Constancy Helpfulness Self-Confidence
Courage Honesty Self-Control
Creativity Honor Self-Respect
Decisiveness Hopefulness Serenity
Dedication Humility Service
Determination Humor Simplicity
Devotion Integrity Sincerity
Dignity Initiative Tolerance
Directness Joyfulness Wisdom
Equanimity Kindness Zest!!
The Tyler Method
Congratulations, you are ready to become a Very Happy

Person and live a Values-Driven Life! If you are already a Very
Happy Person, you can become even happier. This method has
four straightforward steps and takes only a minute or two. It can
be used to quickly get past anything that is making you or the
people you love unhappy or uncomfortable, no matter how big
or small. You can use this method while driving, exercising,
listening to music, or doing anything that allows you to think
about other things. Very Happy People go through this same
process whenever they have a problem. In fact, The Tyler
Method is how Very Happy People think. The more you use this
method, the happier you will be.
As you learn this method, you might try to use it throughout
the day. You might say, But I dont have problems every day.
True, but you do make many choices every day, and as you use
this method, you will get into the habit of making values-driven
decisions. This method is designed to take only a minute or two,
and to be used more than once on the same problem. Very
happy People are not free from problemsthey have as many as
anybody elsebut they deal with them calmly and wisely.
IMPORTANT
If a problem involves physical violence or a threat
of violence, do not try to solve it alone. Very Happy
People do not tolerate violence or threats and they
get help when they need it.
What This Method Does

This is a method of mental conditioning that helps you to:
Make the best choices and change them when necessary.

Stop thinking about a problem all the time. You can think
about a problem in a values-driven way for a few moments at
a time, and then think about other things.
Do what you choose to do and then let it go.
Know you have done your best, whatever happens.
Protect you from over-reacting and losing it.
This method is a creative way to condition your mind to the

happiness within. It is creative because you claim your own
inspiration and identify your own values. It is a trip to the values
mall to get whatever you need, whenever you need it, and that
keeps the method fresh and interesting. This method is designed
to be quick. In this method, connecting to your happiness is not a
matter of the number a words you use, but rather of using the right
words. As you are learning to condition your mind, it helps to use
this method several times a day. The more you connect to
inspiration, the stronger it becomes. The more you spend your treasure
of values, the more you have to spend!
The Four Steps

STEP 1. DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM
The first step is to come up with a few words describing the
problem you are facing. Say, The problem I want to solve is . . .
If you are going through a bad time, such as serious illness or
loss of a loved one, or if you are stuck in the cycle of unhappiness,
the best way to turn things around is to focus on what the
problem is this very minute and what you can take care of right
now.
Every problem is worth solving. A problem is anything in your life
that is making you or someone you care about uncomfortable. A
problem or conflict can be big or small, open or hidden, but if
something is bothering you, it is important enough to solve in a
values-driven way.
Stay in the present. Your life is happening now, so it is best to
describe a problem, conflict, or uneasiness you are having right
now. Try not to dwell on the past or the future but concentrate
on your choices and problems right now.
Be calm. Describe the problem, not your feelings about the
problem. This will help you make a values-driven choice.
Be specific. The more specific your descriptions, the easier it is
to make your best choice. My problem is I don't like my job, is
discouraging because it leaves you few constructive options. My
problem is I work without pay because my boss won't pay
overtime, makes it easier to make your best choice.
Separate yourself from the problem. You have a problem, but you
are not the problem.
Break a big problem into little problems. If a problem feels too big
to tackle, you can almost always break it into several smaller
problems and tackle them one at a time. Chunking is also a
good way to start if you are depressed or in the cycle of
unhappiness.
Try not to exaggerate. The decision you are making or the
problem you are facing has been decided or solved countless time
before.
Try not to deny. The problem may not be unheard of, but it is
unique to you.
Know you have done your best.
STEP 2. INSPIRATION
Ask yourself, Why is it important to solve this problem? By
asking this question, you are reminding yourself that your life
and everyones life is sacred and important.
Inspiration is the quickest and most important step. A person
can be taught about true values, but he or she has to be inspired to
put those values into action. Saying the words out loud or writing
them down is like turning the lights on. It takes only a moment
but makes everything else possible by consciously reconnecting you
to your sacred and important core of inner happiness. It is a
joyful moment and you can have it many times a day.
STEP 3: TRUE VALUATION

Ask yourself, What values do I want to guide me in solving
this problem? Refer to the list on page 55. You can add other
true and important values to this list.
STEP 4. BEST CHOICE

Ask yourself, What is my best choice at this time? The
answer often comes to mind quickly and clearly. If an answer
does not immediately present itself, just keep using the method
and it will. Once you have made the best choice, do your best to
put it into action and say, I have done my best. If you find that
it is too hard to put your best choice into action, repeat the
method. The more you repeat this method, the easier it gets to
act on your choice.
The Method At A Glance
Everyproblemisworthsolvingina
valuesdrivenway.
Stayinthepresent.
Step1 Becalmandspecific.
DescribeTheProblem Separateyourselffromthe
TheproblemIwantto problem.
solveis... Breakabigproblemintolittle
problems.
Trynottoexaggerateordenythe
problem.
Step2
Inspiration Youareremindingyourselfthatyourlife
Whyisitimportantto andeveryone'slifeisimportant.
solvethisproblem?
Step3
Valuation Lookatthelistonpage55,oraddother
WhatvaluesdoIwantto trueandimportantvaluestothislist.
guidemeinthischoice?
Step4 Ifananswerdoesnotimmediatelycome
BestChoice tomind,keepusingthemethod.Putyour
Whatismybestchoice bestchoiceintoactionandknowyouhave
atthistime? doneyourbest.
Examples
Carens Funky Son
Step 1. Describe The Problem Step 2. Inspiration

Why is it important to
My son Micah wont take a solve this problem?
bath every day.
Because I love Micah and I
want our family to be happy.
Step 4. Best Choice

Step 3. Valuation
Tell Micah he needs to bathe
Values I wish to Affirm in solving
or shower everyday. Thats a
this problem:
rule of the house. He NEEDS
to show that consideration
Consideration, patience,
for us.
understanding, self-respect,
I have done my best.
common sense
Caren does a great job of talking about the problem in

specific terms, without talking about her son in general or her
feelings about her boy. She put her problem with her son in
perspective and remembered the important, that he is a good
person and much loved.
As Caren repeated the Tyler Method several times a day, she
communicated to Micah he needed to make this change. Micah
resisted at first, but after a few days he also starting using the
method to deal with the problem of his cleanliness habits, and
after a few days more he decided to take more showers. But what
if Micah had kept refusing to be cleaner? Carens description of
the problem would have changed and her choices about what to
do would have been different too. But whether things improve
quickly or slowly, it always helps to keep your inspiration and
valuation in mind. It is good to be creative and to limit the time
you spend on problems so they dont take over your life.
But what about problems that cannot be solved quickly?
Does the Tyler Method still work with difficult problems that go
on for some time? Yes. Heres an example:
Cedrics Nasty Neighbor

Cedric had owned and lived in a duplex apartment for about
five years when a nasty neighbor moved in to the other half of his
house. The neighbor made loud noises late at night, complained
unreasonably about Cedrics dog Rocky, and was generally un-
pleasant when they saw each other. Cedric was finishing up
school to become a paramedic and he was under a lot of pres-
sure. He used this method a lot over the next few weeks to keep
his cool, make best choices, and keep his focus on his schooling.

Why is it important to solve
My neighbor is moving this problem?
furniture at two in the My education is very
morning and waking me up. important to me. I wont let
this guy keep me from my
goal of becoming a paramedic.
Step 3. Valuation Step 4. Best Choice

Values I want to affirm in
solving this problem: Put ear plugs in. Talk to my
neighbor tomorrow. Ive done
Self-Respect, Practicality, my best, let it go.
Commitment, Determination
The neighbor did not seem to care much when Cedric spoke
to him the next day, and the problems did not stop.
Why is it important to solve
Neighbor becomes unglued this problem?
when my dog steps on his side
of the lawn. Education is very important, I
love my dog.
Step 3. Valuation Step 4. Best Choice

Values I wish to Affirm in solving
this problem: Keep Rocky off neighbors
lawn, keep cool if Rocky
Self-respect, practicality. strays. Don't let this guy
distract me from school. Ive
done my best, let it go.
Cedrics neighbor did not change into a more decent person,

and eventually Cedric decided to sell his duplex and move. That
was not what he wanted to do at first, but over time he
strengthened his value-driven powers, his view of what is
important, and he moved on happily. When Cedric finished
school he sold his duplex for a tidy sum, got a good job in his
chosen profession, and moved to a friendlier place. He and
Rocky are doing great. Cedric used inspiration and valuation to
stay connected to what was important. Affirming true values
again and again is a creative process that enabled Cedric to see
all the possibilities in his situation. He refused to let his neighbor
ruin his life.
By repeatedly reminding himself of the true values in his life,
Cedric held on to what was most important during that time his
life. The method did not magically transform his neighbor but it
did prevent Cedrics life from sliding into crisis. He had not
planned to move right after school, but it became clear that was
his best choice for several reasons, and it worked out great!
You have just learned a simple method of mental condition-

ing that will help you to live a values-driven life. Happiness is
made possible by creative adjustment in the light of true values.
You can use this method for all problems, and all conflicts, open
and hidden. You can never be too happy. God Bless You!

Happiness 1 ST

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Copyright 2004 Sweeta Tyler

This book may not be reproduced in any form without permission

The Greatest Power on Earth.......................................................4

Remember the last time you worked on something that was

Everybody wants to be happy. The wish to be happy is the

Happiness Inside And Out

Happiness is a state of mind with two parts. Inner happiness

Happiness is the creative art of adjustment to life based on

Introducing Very Happy People

Think of the happiest person you have ever known. What

How Very Happy People Stay Happy

Introduction To The Tyler Method

Very Happy People think in a special way by doing four

2. Know Their Inspiration. Very Happy People dont doubt

3. Understand the Importance of True Valuation. Very

4. Make the Best Choice. Very happy people are good at

Your mind has two parts: conscious and subconscious. Your

Your conscious mind holds your faith, inspiration, valuation,

Mr. Unhappyhead reacts to life directly from his

Subconscious Dominates The Conscious

Conscious Forces The Subconscious

Conscious And Subconscious

Faith is a deeply held belief. Faith is partly conscious and

I believe in myself. I respect myself. I believe I can

It is your birthright to be happy but you have to claim that

Welcome To The Club: Two Secrets Of

All Very Happy People know two secrets: happiness is found

True Values: One Size Fits All

There is only one set of true values. Whether you are

Hints For Happiness

The source of happiness within you never fails, and Very

#1 Unhappiness Is Not The Same As Sorrow

#2 Happiness Is Not The Same As Pleasure

#3 Best Choices Choose You Back

#4 The Best Choice Is Not Always Forever

Harmony Of Mind: Subconscious Forces

It has been understood for many years that conflict between

1. Talk therapy is basically negative. It gives too much attention

2. Happiness is creative adjustment to life based on true values.

3. Talk therapy overemphasizes feelings, which arise in the

All help is self-help. However, the all-important connection

Life involves so many choices it is not possible to be entirely

Big And Small Choices

Big choices direct the external course, or structure, of your

Solve The Small Problems And The Big

The miracle of happiness is yours when you make it a habit

Hidden Mental Conflicts

times a day bringing

Happiness: Accept No Substitutes

Happiness is a miracle that increases when it is shared. As

Happiness Drain #1: Worry

Happiness Drain #2: Chaos And Confusion

Happiness Drain #4: Victimization

Happiness Drain #5: Disliking The World

Of all the creatures on the planet, human beings are uniquely

The Three Mistakes In Valuation

1. Taking as important that which is unimportant.

The first kind of mistake in valuation that causes unhappiness

Truth is greatest power in creation. True values are absolute,

Adaptability Enthusiasm Love

Congratulations, you are ready to become a Very Happy

What This Method Does

Make the best choices and change them when necessary.