8/29/2016 TheTyrannyofOtherPeoplesVacationPhotosTheNewYorkTimes

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FASHION&STYLE

TheTyrannyofOtherPeoplesVacation
Photos
CircaNow

ByHENRYALFORD AUG.12,2016

ChiefamongmyfavoriteFacebookmemoriesisthetimethatahighpowered
journalistofmyacquaintancebreezilyinformedusallthathewasattheGrill
RoomoftheFourSeasonswithTedDanson,tuckingintosomeseaurchin.To
whichonefriendresponded,Thatsfunny,becauseImattheMidtowntunnel
withRheaPerlman,eatingshawarma.

Whilesomefrequentusersofsocialmediaaremerelyfabulous,others
savvilybufftheirfabulousnesstoadazzlinggleam,becomingfahvolous.Atno
pointintheyearisthismoreevidentthaninAugustandearlySeptember,when
FacebookandInstagramswellwiththeplump,juicy,sunripenedharvestof
summer:vacationphotos.

Whatpromptstheexcessivepostingofthesepictures?

WilliamHaynes,a22yearoldcomedianwhohoststheSourceFedshow
PeopleBeLike,said:Ilikehowmygenerationisallaboutsharing.Whatsthe
pointofhavingavacationunlessyoucantellpeopleaboutitimmediately?Ifyou
cangetafewInstagramphotosoutofit,youvemadeyourmoneyback.

Indeed,themotivationbehindmanyfahvolousvacationphotoswouldseem
tobearationalizationoflargeexpendituresforthepurposeofrecreation:a
$6,000beachrentaloughttobringyou$6,000worthofpleasure,andmaybe
postingaphotowillgetthedopamineflowing.

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Butonecandetectothermotives,too:atonedeafattemptatselfbranding,a
neuroticattempttothankyourhost,aneedforconstantscrutiny.

Noxiousselfiesticksnowseemlikenothingcomparedtothesophisticated
camerafiltersthatcanturnanaveragelookingstrawberrypatchintoabrooding
welterofCaravaggioesquechiaroscuro.

Somepeopleevenhireprofessionalphotographerstotaketheirvacation
snapsforthem.Inthefuture,itmaybeunsurprisingatalakesidepicnictoheara
camerawieldingnephewturntohisAuntMarjorieandask:Whatsyourday
rate?

Equallyjarring,someInstagramandFacebookusersseemtowantustoknow
thattheirsummerismoreinherentlysummerythanours:morebarefoot,more
glistening,moresarongdriven.

Thesefolksarebitingintothefreshfigoflife,andthisbitingproduces
carefreelaughter.MynaturalhabitatisanoceansidebonfirewhereaViggo
Mortensenlookalikestrumsaweatheredguitar!Allbackyardsareenlivenedbya
sprayof8yearoldgirlsinsundresses!EverythingIeatinAugustiscookedona
stick!

Whileitsfairlyeasytocategorizethephotographicallyincontinentunderthe
headlinesNarcissisticandInsecure,orsomecombinationthereof,thephoto
postingfolksmaynothavethesameclarityaboutthemselves.Peopleoftendont
knowthattheyretheculprit,saidMarlaVannucci,aclinicalpsychologistwhois
anassociateprofessoratAdlerUniversity.

IhaveaclientwhoreallywantsLikes,sohepostsalotofphotos,Dr.
Vannuccisaid.Whenpeopledontrespondtothem,hefeelsveryalone.Sohe
postsmore.Itsacyclelikeanyinterpersonalcycleinwhichweredoing
somethingthatpeoplehatebutweredoingittotrytomakepeoplelikeus.With
thattypeofclient,Itrytofindoutwhatthemotivationforpostingis:Whatare
thefeelingsaroundit?Whatishelookingfor?ThenItrytohelphimfindother
outlets.

Forthoseonthereceivingendofsuchfountsofimages,thecriticalfactors
arefrequencyandtone.Onthefrequencyfront,youngMr.Hayneshadagood
suggestion:Ithinkyougetthreephotosperlocation.Ifyoucantremember

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whetheryoualreadypostedapictureofthatcoveredbridge,youareindangerof
overestimatingotherpeoplesinterestincoveredbridges.

Thequestionoftoneismorenuanced.In2014,thesoftwarecompany
CyberLinksponsoredapollof2,268adultsintheUnitedStates,withthe
hypothesis,thecompanysseniorvicepresidentforglobalmarketing,Richard
Carriere,toldme,thatsomepeoplehaveatendencytopostphotosonsocial
mediajusttogloatandannoytheirfriendsandcolleagues.

Thestudyfoundthatoneinsevenwhoownasmartphoneandwhousesocial
mediawouldunfolloworblocksomeonewhopostswhattheyperceiveasboastful
vacationpictures.Moreover,oneinfourwillattempttoshareaphotowithinone
hourofarrivingattheirdestinationwhichmakesmanyofuswanttosummon
fromdeepwithinustheturbanwearingdramateacherwhogetstwosyllablesout
ofBreeeeathe.

ThetopreasonsthatthosesampledsaidtheywouldLikeorFavoritea
picturewere:ifitshowedfriendsandfamilysharingaspecialmoment(63
percent),theylookhappy(58percent)ortheylookgenuineandnatural(48
percent).IexpressedsurprisetoMr.Carrierethatthepolldidntbreakdownthe
specificsofbothersomephotos.

Isaid,Imgoingtoguessthatthemosttroublesomeonewouldbeavacation
photoinwhichyourexisdatingsomeonewhosessentiallyyou,but15years
younger,anditsapictureofthetwooftheminthetinyfishingvillageinPortugal
thatyouturnedyourexontointhefirstplace.

Mr.Carrieresaid,Iwoulddefinitelyunfriendmyexforthat.

Insomeinstances,peopleexposedtowhattheyperceivetobeasurfeitof
photoswillexpresstheirireoffline.In2014,theMilwaukeeJournalSentinel
publishedanarticleaboutacouplewhoreceivedananonymousletterinthemail
abouttheirFacebookposts.Theletterread,inpart,Itsalittleupsettingseeing,
hearingandreadingaboutsomeonesvacationsallyearwhileweallcantafford
one.

Theletterconcludedwith:Gohavesomekidsanddontbesoselfishasto
onlythinkofyourselvesallthetime.Yetoneofthetripsthecouplehadtaken
wasatriptoNewYorkthattheyhadboughtatabreastcancerbenefit,notto

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mentionthefactthatthewifeofthecoupleworksasapsychotherapistwho
specializesinhelpingsexuallyandphysicallyabusedchildren.

Equallyoddwerethefactsthatthelettersenvelopewasemblazonedwitha
brightyellowsmileystickerandthatthepostmarkwasMiami,acitythatnoneof
thecouplesfriendslivein.Somaybetheletterwriterwasonvacationatthetime.

ThewifeofthecoupleputtheletteronFacebookwiththeinstruction:
PleasefeelfreetounfriendusfromFacebookasweclearlyarenotfriends.If
youreunsurehowtounfriendsomeone,gototheHelpmenu.

Thecouplesfriendsralliedwithsupportinthepostscommentssection.
MaybeiftheyspentlesstimeonFBstalkingyou,onewrote,theycouldwork
more,makemoremoneyandgoonavacation,too.

Incertainrareinstances,toomanyvacationphotosarenotenough.Dr.
Vannuccisaidthatafteroneofhisclientshadhisweddingcanceledatthelast
minute,hewasreallystruggling.Hepostedthatitwascalledoffbutthathewas
stillgoingtoenjoythehoneymoon.Oncameacavalcadeofphotosofonemans
painfuleffortsatreadjustment,allofthemcaptioned,Dr.Vannuccisaid,with
funny,rawbutheartbreakingcomments.OnegroomsStationsoftheCross.

Consciousthatmyowntrickleofhumblebraggy,emotionallystifled
summertimephotosonFacebookisitsownversionoffahvolousness,Ispenta
recenttriptoSpainsecondguessingmyself.While,yes,Ididshareapictureofan
outpostoftherestaurantchainMuseodelJamon,Ididnotpostaslewofothers.

NotthestylishdogwalkerandherdachshundthatIintendedtocaption
Tinypants,tinydog:Madrid.Notthegorgeoushoneycomblikeceilingsofthe
Alhambra.Notthe12hourtriphomewhenmyboyfriendclutchedhishalf
inflatedneckpillowtohischestandreferredtoitascomfortbosoms.

ButamIbeingimmodestwhenItellyouthatInowseetheseomissionsasa
disservicetomyfriendsandcolleagues,whomayhavelovedthem.

Iamtryingtocalibratemyphotographicoutput.Asweallshould.

Inthemeantime,letusalldelicatelystartaconversationaboutoneofthis
topicsthorniestissues.Indeed,letustrytofindsomecommongroundwith
respecttophotographysoneessentialverity.Illstartusouthere:Allsunsetsare

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kitsch.

HenryAlfordistheauthorofWouldItKillYoutoStopDoingThat?AModern
GuidetoManners.CircaNowappearsmonthly.

ContinuefollowingourfashionandlifestylecoverageonFacebook(Stylesand
ModernLove),Twitter(Styles,FashionandWeddings)andInstagram.

AversionofthisarticleappearsinprintonAugust14,2016,onpageST2oftheNewYorkeditionwith
theheadline:WishYouWerentThere.

2016TheNewYorkTimesCompany

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