One Hundred and One

Things That Are Not

True
About the Most
Famous Black Women
Alive

List Poems
by
Alexis Pauline Gumbs
1. Ten Things That Are Not True About Oprah

2. Ten Things That Are Not True About Condee

3. Ten Things That Are Not True About Michelle Obama

4. Ten Things That Are Not True About Serena Williams

5. Ten Things That Are Not True About Venus Williams

6. Ten Things That Are Not True About Beyonce Knowles

7. Ten Things That Are Not True About Halle Berry

8. Ten Things That Are Not True About Gabby Douglas

9. Ten Things That Are Not True About Tina Turner

10. Ten Things That Are Not True About Aretha Franklin
 Ten Things That Are Not True About This Project:
Instead of a Preface

There are no risks to speak of when loving black women

becomes a religion.

This is a joke.

This is a game.

The media made me do it.

I could have said it better but I didnt.

I didnt have to do this but I did.

I have a working TV. And I know what you are thinking.

Restorative justice is possible here.

Dignity is possible here.

You are ready for this.

Love,
Alexis Pauline Gumbs

*After Diane Di Primas 10 Things That Are Not True About the She-Wolf
Ten Things That Are Not True About Oprah

She is your mother

your mammy

your diva

your slave

She has been breastfeeding for 25 years

Condee told her where George Bush keeps his dick

She laughs in her sleep.

Tyler Perry is her test tube baby out the fridge.

She knows Gayle better than Gayle knows.

She can still fly.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Condee

She sleeps without dreaming.

She and Oprah meet underground on Monday evenings.

She breaks mirrors.

She has no family.

She doesnt cry during and after graduations.

She is not afraid of heights.

She does not have one of Addie Maes barrettes in a drawer.

She sounds like a shrill church lady when she sings The
Star-Spangled Banner.

She has never been to the grave of John Brown.

She stops running sometime.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Michelle Obama

Her arms are guns.

She has no secrets from the Secret Service.

She always wanted to be tall.

She has never cried with her hands in the ground.

She doesnt grind her teeth.

She welcomes the creaks in the white house at night.

She never holds her daughters too tight.

When she blinks her thoughts flash red, then white then
blue. Not just red, red, red.

She would love you if she didnt have to.

She doesnt have to.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Serena Williams

She has a sister from another planet.

She is a sista from another planet.

There is no maroon sorcery in her grunt.

She doesnt condition the muscles of her smile.

She enjoys the color white.

She finds tennis shoes and rackets necessary.

She believes the women in her family are safe and

protected.

She never feels like a straw could break her shoulder.

She will tell you what she knows.

Only one god speaks to her at a time.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Venus Williams

She is a sista from another planet.

She has a sister from another planet.

If you search for her on the internet right now you will not
find her weight listed.

She blinks no faster when watching stills of Josephine

Baker than she does when watching video of Althea Gibson.

When she sleeps, nobody is whispering jump higher.

She trusts fashion models.

When she laughs with Beyonce she knows what she is

laughing about.

She was raised to believe in God, sisterhood and winning. In

that order.

She can avoid (casting) shadows.

The braids were her idea.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Beyonce Knowles

She has an unconditional love relationship with her ankles.

You know what her hair looks like.

The south in her mouth is accident, not grace.

She doesnt have a sister from another planet.

Black feminists dont fantasize about watching her beat up

white women.

She lets go of Michelle Obamas hand easily. No reluctance.

No longing. None.

She holds Michelle Williamss hand naturally. No struggle.

No force.

She feels safe, sharing a picture of her daughter with the

world that loves her.

Erzulie cant find her.

Mami Wata lets her rest.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Halle Berry

She gets it from her mom.

She can smile without laughing.

The sweet side of slavery doesnt make her sick.

Dorothy Dandridge is somewhere shaking her head.

Only in her dreams she knows exactly who she is.

She only has to fight for custody in the movies.

You trust the strength in her chin. She does too.

You think she is black enough and you are not mad.

She does not laugh at herself. She laughs at you.

She is older than she looks.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Gabby Douglas

She gets it from her dad.

She will outgrow her smile.

It is in her best interest to walk in a straight line.

It is in her best interest never to fall while someone is

watching.

Frederick. Different spelling. No relation.

Her mama knows its worth it.

Her sisters never dream about killing those white girls who
get to scream with her and touch her hair.

Her cousins have been bragging about her since 2008.

She only read The Hunger Games once.

She cannot fly, only jump.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Tina Turner

Her hair is a cry for help.

Her strength is in her legs.

It was the cake.

She doesnt rock in her sleep.

She can wait one cotton-picking minute.

The dirt beneath her heels screams louder.

George Bush can forget the sight of her walking.

You can take the Tennessee out of the girl.

The hardest part is walking away.

Ten Things That Are Not True About Aretha Franklin

You can take the girl out of Tennessee.

Mahalia gave her that first cigarette.

Marian Anderson doesnt pace on her clavicle.

She listens to reason.

She never went to jail for the people.

She never wonders whether God wants his music back.

Dr. Feelgood has a PhD.

She put her hand on her hip looked Luther in the eye and
asked him.

You could walk a mile in her sound and never get lost.

You know exactly what she means by R-E-S-P-E-C-T.