10 Steps To Not Get Raped in Your Divorce

5/12/2017 10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce
Published on Girls Chase (http://www.girlschase.com)

Home > 10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce
10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce [5]
By Chase Amante [6]
When a marriage crumbles, men fast learn the system is stacked against them. But divorce rape is not inevitable; you can beat the
system.
Tom and Beth loved each other. They married with nothing but the purest intentions of love and commitment. Divorce was the farthest
thing from either of their minds when they got hitched.
Their wedding was an extravagant affair. It was held outside at a custom-built altar near the seashore. At the reception they had caviar
(neither Tom nor Beth had ever had it before), sirloin steak, and vegetarian meals for Beths vegan friends. All their family and many of
their friends flew out to be in attendance, and Tom and Beth put them up in the nicest hotels in town. The only ones left out were a few
of Toms old college pals Beth didnt take as kindly toward. Almost everyone else both bride and groom knew was there. Tom spent
almost everything he had on the wedding and on the engagement ring hed bought for Beth, but it was worth it. Hed never seen her
so happy.
Over the first few years of marriage, Tom and Beth settled into a routine. Tom worked his 9-to-5 job in marketing, and Beth continued
to her job at the salon until the baby came. Once little Stevie was six months old, Beth went back to work at the salon part-time, doing
nails at her old station.
Contents
1. What is Divorce Rape?
2. The Hidden Marriage Crisis
3. 10 Steps to Avoid Divorce Rape
a. Pick the Right Wife

b. Maintain a Modest Lifestyle
c. Run a Traditional Relationship
d. Control the Assets and Money
e. Place Your Assets in a Trust
http://www.girlschase.com/print/2352 1/15
f. Sign a Lawyer-Approved Pre-Nup
g. Otherwise, Keep Lawyers Out
h. Put the Fear of God in Her
i. Preempt Frivorce Motivations
j. Have an Escape Plan Handy
4. Good Divorce Prep Preempts Divorce
The rumblings of discontent came slowly. Beth wanted to shop more; Tom said they were tight on money. Tom wanted another baby;
Beth thought one was enough for now. Beth wanted Tom to help out more with the chores; he obliged, but it didnt seem to make her
any happier. Four and a half years went by like this.
When Beth told Tom she wanted a divorce one day, it seemed to come out of the blue from Toms perspective. Sure, the marriage
wasnt perfect, but divorce? He thought she was in a bad mood. But he soon discovered she meant it. A messenger served him
divorce papers at work the next week. Everyone in his office saw it, and everyone at work heard him sobbing in the bathroom.
Beth asked for a lot; and Tom, stunned by the divorce, agreed to most of it. Her lawyer made it sound like he didnt have much choice.
He lost the house hed almost paid the mortgage down on before they wed. Shed be taking care of Stevie most of the time, so she
needed a house, after all, and Tom couldnt help but agree. Almost a third of his salary would go to her as child support and spousal
support. The spousal support would continue for the next nine years, until Stevie was fourteen. Child support went straight through to
Stevies 18th birthday. Beth got a good chunk out of Toms retirement accounts, too.
Once hed moved out, Tom found himself paying rent at a fleabag apartment building in a rundown part of town, while still paying off
the mortgage on the house Beth now owned as part of the settlement, without enough disposable income left in his paycheck for
anything much more. At night, drug dealers sold crack on the corner outside his building. And each morning he hurried past groups of
teenagers on stairs and in doorways who never seemed to go to school and always looked like they were debating whether to tell him
to empty his pockets out. Every day he slaved at work to make enough money to provide for a woman who was no longer his, and a
child he barely got to see anymore. And in the meantime, he was trapped, with little spending money, no property, and seemingly no
way out.
Tom was a victim of divorce rape.
What is Divorce Rape?

Ive promised an article on defending against divorce rape for some time. How do you not get taken to the cleaners in a divorce?
Divorce rape is a potential life destroyer. When it comes to marriage, you may feel like the state (and, by extension, any woman you
choose to wed) has you by the balls, in a piano wire noose. You may not be far off the mark.
In the United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 41% of first marriages end in divorce. That number increases to 60% of
second marriages, and 73% of third marriages. The average age of first-time divorcs is 30. There is a very good chance that if you
marry, you will also divorce. Nevertheless, almost everyone marries; the odds you dont are under 10%.
Post-divorce, 75% of children live with their mothers. 79.6% of mothers who gain custody receive child support payments from the
father (a quarter of the time the fathers do not pay). When the situation is reversed, and the father gains custody, only 29.6% of fathers
receive child support payments from the mother (half of the time the mothers do not pay).
Child support payments are one of the main sources of divorce rape; mothers can claim extravagant financial needs for their children,
and stand a fair chance to net big awards. Of course, when shes receiving thousands of dollars a month from her ex-husband for a
single child, theres no way for her to spend all that on the child, and if shes the kind of girl who will go for thousands of dollars from a
man and claim it is all for the child, shes also the kind of girl who will have no problem blowing all that free money every month on
new dresses, purses, and shoes. Need to keep up with the Joneses, after all.
In this article, Im going to give you 10 steps to take to minimize the odds you end up on the receiving end of divorce rape. Ill give you
various offensive and defensive measures you can take to beat the system. As with dating, were talking probability [7] here; a man
could follow all the steps in this article and still have a risk of getting divorce raped in any legal system that features lopsided asset
transfers in divorces. However, follow these steps and you will reduce your risk profile enormously.
Even if you dont plan to marry, I strongly suggest you read this article, and implement the pre-marriage steps now. Most men
who plan not to marry eventually do marry, due to something I call the settle down curve [8] (men and women both fall prey to the End
of History Illusion [9], where you expect that what you want now is what you will always want in the future). You may be the exception
but you should plan as if you wont be.
Thus, this is an article for every man whether you think you will marry at some point or not.
The Marriage Crisis No One is Allowed to Talk About

Reliable settlement outcome statistics are hard to find, since divorce settlements are private and no one I can find collects data on
these. However, claims of divorce rape is a thing both for men and for women (I have an aunt who was divorce raped; this is not
just something that happens to men, though men do seem to comprise most of the victims). This article will be about how to not have
your finances, assets, and life completely destroyed by a vengeful (or grasping) woman who leverages the full might of a legal system
stacked somewhat against you to get as much from you as she can.
Academia is unsettlingly quiet on the subject of divorce rape. There are zero academic studies that include the term divorce rape in
them; studies on divorce settlements in general seem to have largely stopped after the mid-1990s, when the divorce industry really
took off and political correctness put a gag on sociological investigations that might be considered misogynistic. Search on Google
Scholar for divorce settlements and every paper you see will be from the 1990s, 1980s, 1970s, or the late 1960s. Not a single paper
from 2000 or later on the first five pages of results. However, the strange cessation of academic interest in a field with great popular
interest aside, some useful studies do exist from the 1990s or earlier.
In Gender Differences in Satisfaction with Divorce Settlements [10], a survey conducted in 1996, researchers hypothesized theyd find
women less satisfied with divorce outcomes than men. Instead, they found the opposite. Women were more satisfied with everything
in divorces:
Custody
Visitation
Child support
Financial provision
Property division
This is due, the researchers found, to a perceived inequitable outcome that is, the women are happy because they received a
more-than-equal share, while the men are unhappy because they received a less-than-equal one.
How mens vs. womens post-divorce satisfaction stacked up for divorces occurring in 1986.
This study was of 400 divorced individuals from Phoenix, Arizona whod filed for divorce 10 years before the study date (in 1986). It is
probably safe to presume that as sentiment in the United States has trended increasingly pro-woman and anti-man in the three
decades since, these numbers would be much more lopsided if the study was on couples divorced today, rather than couples who
divorced 30 years ago.
Also from this study, 71% of 1986 divorce settlements were self-determined that is to say, the parties chose the outcomes without
involvement of the courts. 17% used a mix of strategies including the courts to achieve settlement. Only 11% reported achieving
settlement solely through the court system (i.e., they could not achieve settlement on their own, so a judge decided for them).
Self-determined divorce settlements arent always a good thing; in a case like Tom and Beths, a judge likely wouldve delivered a
more favorable settlement to Tom than what he agreed to on his own. However, if you follow the steps Ill lay out for you today, you will
almost always want to self-determine your settlement rather than have it go to the courts.
The majority of divorces today, 30 years after this studys divorces occurred, still seem to be largely handled without the court system.
This is good news for you, because the 21st Century family court system is anecdotally very unfavorable to men, at least in
the United States. Your odds to get a fair shake plummet fast once the courts are involved. This article is primarily aimed at keeping
the courts out of your marriage/divorce; the goal is to enable you to negotiate an equitable divorce both parties will be happy with, and
discourage a wife from going the route of divorce court.
A 1990 study [11] discovered unequal bargaining positions during divorce lead to worse or better outcomes for different parties. The
unequal bargaining positions the researchers explored included:
Who wants to leave more? The party that wants a divorce more is in a worse bargaining position
Who controls the income and assets? The person with more control over the income and assets is in a better bargaining position
(women who are wage earners are obviously in a more equal bargaining position here than women who are stay-at-home
mothers who dont work)
Who do the parties expect the judge to side with? The person the parties expect the judge will side with is in the better
bargaining position. e.g., if the couple believes the judge they are likely to have sides more with mothers, the couple will
negotiate a settlement on their own that gives more property and support to the mother
Are the parents concerned for the children? If the parents care more about the children, they will tend to have a quick, private
divorce (which favors the father more), and arrange things to best serve the childrens welfare, like leave the house with the
custodial parent (this favors the mother more). If one parent cares more about the children than the other, that parent has
reduced bargaining power
On average, the study found that in cases where mothers receive custody of the children, the mothers receive 57% of property in a
property division, while fathers receive 43% of property.
Both this study and the 1996 study found similar property-support ratios; the 1996 study found the wife receives total support (alimony
+ child support) equal to between 1.5x and 3x the value of property she receives in the property division. The 1990 study found
mothers receive support equal to 2.5x property division value. If we go with the 2.5x number, that meant if she received $100,000 in
property from a divorce in the 1990s, she would also get $250,000 worth of child support and alimony, too.
What are the numbers today? Its anyones guess; due to the cessation of research into divorce settlements, its impossible to say. But
if we go by recent anecdote, we can speculate that settlements today are likely more favorable toward women, and less favorable
toward men. In the last 30 years, womens bargaining power has gone up, while mens has declined.
Today, Im going to help you get a little bargaining power back.
10 Steps to Avoid Divorce Rape

First, if you havent read it, I recommend you give J.J. Joness excellent series on marriage in the 21st Century a read:
1. Modern Marriage, Part 1: Why the Heck Do Guys Get Married? [12]
2. Modern Marriage, Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like [13]
3. Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages [14]
4. Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesnt Match Expectations [15]
5. Modern Marriage, Part 5: How to Handle the Divorce Process [16]
6. Modern Marriage, Part 6: How to Bounce Back From Divorce [17]
Now. What hope does a man have to avoid being reamed in the divorce courts?
While the law is no longer on your side, you are still a man, you are still the leader of your relationship, your assets and income
are still your own, and this woman is still a woman with whom you have had a deep mutual relationship. The law is a clumsy
bludgeon against a man who has his act together.
So, in an age in which having a penis makes you a quasi-criminal, I encourage you to abandon any attempts to beg mercy from the
system, and instead to think like an outlaw. Not a stupid outlaw, of course; the stupid outlaw picks a fight with the sheriff and his
deputies and ends up riddled with bullet holes. The crafty outlaw instead works outside the system where possible, avoids the system
where possible, and settles his grievances without involving the system where possible.
And, where not possible, the crafty outlaw is better at working the system than most of the people who live and breathe the system.
This in mind, lets make you a gun-slinging, divorce-rape-dodging, system-crashing marriage outlaw.
#1: Pick the Right Wife

In 1984, researchers found [18] individuals with depression and personality disorders were more likely to separate and divorce. Big
surprise, right? Unstable people make for unstable relationships.
Not only are these marriages more likely to end, but people with personality disorders tend to have lower empathy, to engage in
splitting (where they suddenly view you as a hated, despicable enemy to be fought by any means), and can become extremely vicious
when feeling slighted.
It is imperative you do not marry crazy girls [19]. If you marry a crazy girl, then God help you. Your only hope at that point
will be stacking up so much leverage against her, increasing your bargaining power so much, that youre able to get through even to a
girl whos completely nuts and has totally othered you. Even then, no guarantees.
The next most important women for you to not marry are:
Gold diggers [20]

Social climbers
Women who are husband hunting
These are all women who are looking for you to fill a role, rather than women who meet you and are taken with you and want to
be with you because you make them feel a certain way, and check off all their logical boxes too, and are just perfect for them.
If shes a gold digger, shes in it for the money. If it makes sense for her to exit at some point and get a big payday and regain her
freedom (and it often does make sense at some point), shell do it. If shes a social climber, same deal; at some point its likely shell
have climbed as high as she can with you, and now its time for her to swing to the next branch. Both of these women have significant
spending problems too, which is very bad for divorce; well talk about why when we get to Step #2.
What about husband hunters? Surely they must be fine! They want husbands, after all!
Heres the problem with husband hunters. When you have some specific thing you want, and you want it desperately, how high do
your standards remain? Do they remain high? Or do you sacrifice on your standards? It is, for the vast majority of people, the latter.
The more she wants it, the lower her standards drop.
Now, you may be a fantastic guy. You might be the best guy ever. But she knows she dropped her standards to get a guy. Even if
youre the best guy in the world, if she sprung into a relationship with you just because she wanted to get married, once shes
acclimated to being married and her desperation fades, so too will her gratitude at having found someone. And at that point it
becomes, Why did I rush into a marriage with this guy? What could I have gotten instead had I chosen more carefully and gone for a
man I really connected with? Then the divorce wheels start to turn.
She wont be this excited again until her first alimony check comes through.
These three women (gold digger, social climber, and husband hunter) are a great risk to you because they are never as on-board with
you and the marriage emotionally as a woman who chooses you for you is. That means when its time to divorce, they will tend to be a
lot more emotionally removed, a lot more calculating, and a lot more comfortable negotiating not for a win-win scenario, but for a
winner-take-all one.
I advise you never date girls like this, and avoid them as friends-with-benefits, too... Since both girlfriends and FWBs have a
not-insignificant chance of becoming your wife at some point, no matter how confident you are at the outset they never will.
Half the young married men I know now told me early on that they would never marry the women they eventually married because
they werent the right girl for that. Despite saying theyd never marry these chicks, they put rings on their fingers anyway. Some of
them I tried to talk out of it, and remind them theyd said these girls in particular were not wife material, to no avail [21]. Stick around with
her long enough, and the odds you marry her no matter how you felt about her at the outset go way, way up.
Now, for those friends of mine, those women they said theyd never marry are their wives.
So, screen aggressively for:
Depression
Personality disorders
Gold diggers
Social climbers
Husband hunters
... and when you find them, dont date these girls.
I realize theyre fun, and I realize theyre sexy. But if you go against this advice, dont come crying to me 10 years later when you lose
your house, custody of your children, and a huge chunk of your income and you cant believe she did this to you.
If shes the kind of girl whos inclined to divorce rape, a relationship with her is the kind youre likely to end up getting divorce raped in.
#2: Maintain a Modest Lifestyle

When judges decide how much alimony and child support to award a divorcing wife, one of the key factors they look at is the lifestyle
she lived during marriage, and how much it will cost to maintain that lifestyle:
Did she cook simple meals at home, or did she eat out at fine dining restaurants five nights a week?
Did she keep the same humble clothes for years on end, or did she change her wardrobe twice a year, buying only the finest
brands?
Did she drive a decent used vehicle for years at a time, or did she often buy new, expensive vehicles to drive around town in?
Did she go on trips only infrequently, or did she go on lots of expensive trips to exotic locales?
Whatever lifestyle she led with you during the marriage is the lifestyle you will pay her to maintain after the divorce. Her lawyer will
draw up a list of all the things she did regularly while married to you, figure out how much all those cost (plus probably embellish the
costs just a tad), and you will be expected to provide for all these wonderful things she enjoyed when married to you.
But that isnt fair! I hear you say. If I no longer get to enjoy her as a wife, why should she get to enjoy all the extra things I paid for
WHILE married to her? I dont know. Ive tried a few times to wrap my head around it but cant come up with any rational
explanations. All I can tell you is this is how things are done in Western divorce courts; the lifestyle you maintain with her while
married is not just what she gets to enjoy on your dime while married, but what she can continue to enjoy on your dime after
the divorce.
That doesnt mean you can never eat at restaurants or go to the movies or take trips. But you must always be aware that the lifestyle
you live with her in the marriage is what youll be on the hook to pay for when the marriage ends.
Its not just the courts and lawyers lifestyle influences, either; it is the woman herself. If you spend 10 years married to a girl living in a
barebones apartment in the outskirts of town, she is not going to ask you for the funds to by a luxury condo in the heart of downtown
(or if she does, she wont long hold to that request). But if you spend 10 years living in a luxury condo in the heart of downtown, and
you think she is going to go live in a barebones apartment on the outskirts post-divorce, youve got another thing coming.
There is an added bonus to a modest lifestyle, too. You will discover that if the lifestyle you lead with a woman is more modest, the
relationship itself will be closer. She knows she isnt with you for the cash, cars, cuisine, or clothes; she is only with you for you.
One additional item to add to this: remember Tom and Beths extravagant wedding? A modest lifestyle also means NO big wedding
and NO huge diamond engagement ring. A 2014 study [22] found the more you spend on the wedding plus the engagement ring, the
more likely you are to divorce. Men who spent $2,000 to $4,000 on a wedding ring divorced 1.5x more often than men who spent half
that much... and men who spent $20,000 or more on their rings were a whopping 3.5x more likely to divorce than those who spent a
quarter as much. The more you spend on the ring, the more likely you are to divorce... by a lot. Ditto for how much you spend
on the wedding itself.
If you do not want to divorce, dont throw money at the ring and the ceremony. Keep it modest instead.
#3: Run a Traditional Relationship

The best anti-divorce advice is and always will be, If you want to hang onto a wife, then keep her barefooted, pregnant, and in the
kitchen. The U.S. Census bureau finds couples with children are 40% less likely to divorce than couples without children.
Pretty much not divorcing you anytime soon.
Staying together aside, keep a woman pregnant and raising your children and she has a lot fewer chances to stray from the
relationship, to meet other men who make her think about straying or not being married, or to hang out with girlfriends who tell her she
needs to divorce you because shed be way happier that way.
Heres an unpleasant anecdote on Reddit from a man who yielded control of his relationship to his wife:
I Was Divorce Raped. Dont Be Me. [23]
Both this man and the top commenter beneath him define the problem they ran into as this loss of control. They yielded control of their
lives and marriages to their wives, let their egos be beat down, had affairs to regain their self-esteem, and ultimately divorced. This is
an almost inevitable outcome for any relationship where the man yields control to the woman out of a sense of weakness, apathy, or
obligation. Your self-image takes a beating, and she loses her respect for you too.
In this case on Reddit, the divorce settlement seems equitable to me (it did not strike me as divorce rape); this couldve gone a lot
worse. However, by failing to run his relationship in a traditional way, this man ended up trapped in a miserable marriage for 17 years,
and when he finally stood up for himself his woman did not even understand what the problem was, she was so used to her getting
her way and him obliging her.
The real problem with a non-traditional marriage (i.e., one where the wife is in charge and you arent [24]) is this: the more you bend to
her, the more she will feel entitled from you. When divorce finally occurs in this sort of setup, where the man yields constantly to
the woman, what is she more likely to expect: that she is not entitled to as much from you, or that she is entitled to more from you?
A traditional relationship focuses on the traditional setup, with you as the head of the household and her in your support role. Run your
relationship well, always be a good leader, and remain considerate, and in the case of divorce you will be in a much better position to
continue leading things toward a win-win outcome, rather than have a divorce descend into a cutthroat winner-take-all hardball
negotiation.
#4: Control the Assets and Money

This is both a bargaining position move, and a not giving her ideas move.
If she controls the money, she can begin to funnel money off into a private account to prepare for divorce if she so chooses. Shes also
more likely to see there is plenty of money for her to leave, or not enough money for her to stay.
Women claim money issues as the #1 reason why they divorce (and women initiate 70% of divorces). The more separate you can
keep your woman from dealing with money, the more you remove this item from the equation.
#5: Place Your Assets in a Trust
If you have any substantial assets before marriage (e.g., businesses, properties, investment portfolios, etc.), put them in a blind trust
and simply do not tell her (or anyone else) about them. Assets you own pre-marriage are harder for wives to get a chunk of in divorce
court; if those assets were already in a trust before the marriage, theyre totally untouchable.
The only reason not to tell her is to not make her feel justified trying to get more from you. If you have a $400,000 home, $100,000 in
savings, and $500,000 in a pre-marriage trust, if she knows about all of it shes going to feel a lot more entitled to the entire home
because You have $500,000 in a trust! While a court wont touch your trust-based assets and should not consider them in its
decision, just knowing you have all this extra money floating in space is going to make it hard or impossible for you to reach a non-
court settlement with her.
What about moving assets into a trust after marriage? This is extremely sticky, and risks looking like you are trying to hide those
assets. Ive read a case where a husband moved assets into a trust, hid those assets from his wife, and after the divorce was settled
the wife found out, sued to reopen the divorce, and went after the assets in the trust. My suggestion is if you are considering this route,
you consult a marriage/divorce lawyer and ask him for his opinion on what your asset protection options are.
#6: Sign a Lawyer-Approved Pre-Nup

Pre-nuptial agreements are contracts you sign specifying who gets what in the event of divorce. These days, you must have
independent lawyers for both parties who review and agree on the pre-nup if you do not want it thrown out in court. Even with lawyer-
approved pre-nups, there are still risks the courts will just ignore these. Those risks include:
If your wife makes the case she agreed to the pre-nup under duress. There was some reason she had to sign the pre-nup, and
she had no other choice. This can get the agreement thrown out.
If there is another reason for the contract not to be valid, it may be thrown out. This can include:
She was underage when she signed

She wasnt mentally competent when she signed
You defrauded her under the agreement
The agreement was unconscionable (severely unfair)
The agreement was not put in writing
The agreement wasnt signed until after you were married
The longer you remain married, the more likely the pre-nup is to be thrown out. Some legal jurisdictions invalidate pre-nups after
a certain period of time has passed; last I heard this was 15 years in New York State, for instance. If you stay married past 15
years in New York, kiss the protections of any pre-nup you may have had with your wife goodbye; the contract is no longer valid.
If you did not sign a pre-nup but want to correct things later, it is also possible to sign a post-nuptial agreement (different from having a
pre-nup you dont sign until after marriage, which may get thrown out). This is where, at any point in the marriage, you and your wife
sign an agreement on what the outcome will be if you divorce. Again, have independent lawyers on both sides for maximum court
survivability. A post-nup is much better than nothing, but not as dependable as a pre-nup; so if you have assets you need to protect
before marriage, I suggest you get a pre-nup first.
If you find yourself in a marriage with an exploding asset (e.g., you are running a business that is really starting to take off), and you
did not get a pre-nup, and you now want to sign a post-nup, and your wife does not, remember here that you can be the one to use
divorce for asset protection. For instance:
Okay, look babe. This business is worth about a million bucks right now. So if you wont sign a contract, well divorce and youll get
$400K. Then we can even remarry. Or we can stay separate. But Im not going to work my ass off for another two-and-a-half years,
turn this into a $15 million business, then risk having you divorce me and I lose half the business I built. I hope you wouldnt and I dont
think you would but I cant entertain that risk to what Im building. My risk profile is too big right now without a contract. Everyone else
who can lay any claim to any part of this business has a contract with me. If you wont sign a post-nup, Id rather just take the hit now
so my future business growth is not endangered. Its not about you or any lack of trust in you; its knowing I am building something that
cannot be taken away from me or destroyed, by anyone. Well get lawyers to look over it; youll have yours, Ill have mine. Well make
sure its totally fair to everyone. This keeps the business safe and us together.
#7: Otherwise, Keep the Lawyers Out
Actual divorce lawyer and client.
Other than pre-nups or post-nups, your aim should be to have zero legal involvement in anything else in your marriage. You do not
want your wife around lawyers you dont want to train her to go to and use lawyers as her dispute resolution tool. And when it comes
time to divorce, you want to negotiate this yourself, and not get lawyers involved.
There are several reasons for this:
1. The first is lawyers are expensive, they charge by the hour, and their jobs incentivize them to protract a divorce as long
as possible. There are some honorable lawyers out there who are not just in it for the money, and they will try to get your
divorce through as speedily as possible. But you should not plan on luck. Your lawyer, or her lawyer, or both lawyers may decide
it is in their best interest to draw this out charge both you and your wife as much money as humanly possible. Lawyers are
essentially a third beneficiary in a divorce; you get a share of the assets, your wife gets a share of the assets, and the lawyers
get a share of the assets.
2. The second is lawyers complicate things and slow them down. Rather than you say, Okay, you can have the minivan, I
dont care about that. Id like to retain my old comic book collection, okay? I dont want to liquidate that, even if its worth money. I
dont want to sell those, ever, and she says fine, it will be one lawyer saying well this is the financial value of the comic books. I
realize your client cares about those a lot, but these are worth quite a bit of money and we should consider liquidating them and
dividing the value between partners. Or if you client retains the comic books, then we need to agree what my client is receiving
of equal value instead. This one little point may take weeks or months to resolve. And there will be a lot of little points.
3. The third is lawyers kill empathy. Instead of you dealing with this person youve had this great bond with (even if it is frayed),
you have two people who are treating it as a purely cold, calculating negotiation, with zero emotional bond or empathy. Thats
problematic for reaching a satisfactory sentiment on a number of levels.
4. The fourth is lawyers lie along the road to a court divorce. Lawyers are the first step in ending up in front of a judge who
decides everything for you. Judges are not so favorable to men right now; you do not want to go before a judge.
Now, if she insists on lawyering up, you have to lawyer up. You should not be afraid of lawyering up; if you are, she gets more
bargaining power, and you get less. Just know that this is something to avoid if possible; once you start lawyering up, both you and her
get a lot less money in the end, waste a lot more time, are prevented from moving on from this faster, and just generally end up in a
worse place.
Lawyers are what you get when you fail to get her back on the same page with you again. They are a failure of communication,
a failure of relationship management, and a failure of negotiation.
#8: Put the Fear of God in Her

I dont know how else to put this other than this: if you have no ruthlessness in you, no brutality, then you are at the mercy of the other
party when it comes to a harsh negotiation like divorce. All you can hope for is that the other party is super nice and takes pity on or is
equally as harmless as you. if she isnt though, youre screwed.
If this is you, and youre just a total sweetheart pushover nice guy without a shred of savage warrior in his body, then it will be even
more important for you to screen for total sweetheart pushover nice girls without a shred of savage Amazonian in their bodies too.
Otherwise, divorce rape becomes a much more likely future for you. The law of the jungle kicks in: eat, or be eaten. If shes savage
and you arent, you start to look a lot like prey.
If, however, you have a ruthless side, you can use this to ensure win-win divorces. You do this by making clear to her that either she
will negotiate with you fairly, or the only thing she has to hope for is misery.
Im a pretty calm, good-natured guy in general. But I also believe in letting those around you see you smote someone once or twice.
Not a lot; you dont want people around you quivering in fear. Just once or twice is all you need; just enough that those around you
say, John is a great guy. Well, unless you piss him off. Then he just completely destroys you, burns whatevers left, and craps in the
ashes.
Examples Ive used with past girlfriends:
I told my ex-wife about a coworker who was trying to ladder climb over me at work. Then, as the story unfolded, and I pulled the
rug out from under this coworker, I told her how I was doing it and let her watch me take this guy and relegate him to an
insignificant role in the team. Meanwhile, I got him to inadvertently put all the spotlight onto me as the top performer. Do note I
worked happily with this guy and wanted to share equal credit with him (despite me doing most of the work); it wasnt until he
spent months behaving like he was the boss and I was his flunky, and the rest of the team began to buy into it, that I decided it
was time to turn this cats plans inside out.
I let my then-wife see how angry I got at this guy when he was doing it, and I let her see me say I was going to dismantle this
guy unless he knocked it off. Then when he didnt knock her off, I let her see me do it. The whole time she was saying, Well,
hes just a guy. He doesnt know any better. You should just focus on your own work, and trying to deescalate it. She seemed
uncomfortable with me in pit bull mode. Other times (not work related) I let her see me in situations where I was close to fighting
other men (she would step in and deescalate).
When things fell apart between this gal and I and got sort of nasty, once I calmed things down so we could end them calmly, at
one point she said, I thought you were going to kill me! Which struck me as funny and odd Id never threatened harm on her,
Id never hurt her, never even considered it. But because shed seen me be pugilistic enough in the past with others, she
assumed there was a risk there to her (there wasnt; Im not violent toward women). Our divorce, needless to say, was painless.
And in fact she tried to prevent the divorce... and tried to get me back after it. I ran the relationship well, and we ended it
warmly... and she did not want it to end.
Another serious long-term girlfriend I let see me in a business and legal battle against a former business partner. This was a guy
who was clearly in the wrong, but a skilled negotiator and extremely dogged. Hed gotten a lot of money from me in the past, and
wasnt satisfied he had enough. So I turned his own legal and negotiating positions against him, and slowly ground him down in
a war of attrition I ultimately won, and that pushed him to the breaking point (at which point I backed off. Live and let live, all
that). Years later, during a heated conversation with this girlfriend, I said something like, Oh. So youd want to screw me over in
a divorce? to which her eyes widened and she replied, Oh no. I saw what you did to [business partner]. No. We would have a
very friendly divorce!
At other times, this girlfriend saw me get very angry, to the point of hitting a wall or threatening to beat up some guy who was
causing problems. Any time I found myself in a fight with her, she would typically deescalate first, any time I started to get too
angry. This was because, she said, she did not feel safe when I was very angry. I let her know repeatedly that I have never hit a
woman (other than in response to that woman hitting me; and even then, my response is only exactly proportional hit her in the
same part of the body with the same degree of strength; anyone who tells you you should let a woman just hit you if she does so
is nuts), and have never hit another person first. Regardless, witnessing me flip into anger at times was enough to scare her off
of ever wanting to get too nasty with me.
So, there are two types of fear I use and I recommend you use here:
1. Let her see you destroy someone else using The System. In my case, it was the corporate system with my coworker at work,
and later the legal system with my ex-business partner.
2. Let her see you possess the capacity for physical violence and lack of fear in the face of threats and adversity.
These two fears appeal to different kinds of fear. One is, This man is a threat on a personal level, and the other is, This man is able
to bend the system to his will. If you can muster both, you negate both kinds of attack the personal attack and the system-based
attack.
One other thing you can do here, which I have not done but would not be averse to using if absolutely nothing else worked, is let her
see you use scorched earth tactics. That is, if you find yourself in an unfair situation, rather than agree to an unfair settlement, you will
instead burn it all down. (well, I guess I have done some scorched earth stuff; but usually I avoid it. The cost of the destruction is often
greater than the benefit of not losing whatever fight youre in)
Be careful with scorched earth in an actual divorce situation, since if the court feels you are burning through money and assets simply
to keep them out of your wifes hands, the court may place a judgment against you deeming you responsible for everything you would
have paid had you not burned through it all, then throw you in prison if you dont pay.
However, as a strategy, knowing youre the type to go scorched earth if things go wrong will shift some more bargaining power in your
direction and make her more likely to want to sit down at the negotiating table and deal fairly.
Maybe Ill try being civil first.
Critical note: it is vital that you always look fair and justified in your fights, and that you remain fair and justified with your
wife. If you seem unreasonable, she may just go lawyer up anyway because youre crazy and unreasonable and its the only way.
However, if you are 100% reasonable until the other side behaves in unreasonable ways... And then you just completely obliterate the
unreasonable person... The lesson here is a very clear If I stick to being reasonable with him, I will get a good, reasonable, fair,
honorable outcome. If I become unreasonable hell destroy me. Conclusion: I should stick to being reasonable with him.
If you come across unreasonable or unfair, or you behave in an unreasonable, unfair way with your wife, she will become a lot more
willing to take the risks of an aggressive and/or legal challenge against you, because that will be her best bet at a fair outcome.
If you cant be fair, it doesnt matter how much fear you put in her; she is going to look for any sneaky way she can find to undermine
you and defeat you.
Be fair if you want to be treated fair.
(and with fear, never threaten your wife. Let her see you beat other people, and draw her own conclusions from that. You want her to
respect your ability to win, not live in fear of your wrath)
#9: Preempt Her Frivorce Motivations

If youre unfamiliar with the term frivorce, its a combination of the terms frivolous and divorce.
In a frivorce situation, a woman will seek to seize the moral high ground [25], claiming you are a bad husband or dont make her happy
or some other measure that seeks to blame you for the marriages end, even as she files for divorce. She does this, in part, to make it
easier to get a bigger payday:
Shell have an easier time convincing you to give her more if its your fault
Shell have an easier time convincing the court to give her more if its your fault
And shell have an easier time getting herself to go for the jugular if its your fault
To preempt frivorce, you must be on your game during the marriage. You cannot get married and then punch your time card and
check out of your relationship, then hope to get back into the swing of things once divorce time comes around.
You must do two (2) things during your marriage to entirely preempt divorce. Those are:
1. Winning the blame game [26]. When most women get angry, they will blame you. You, in turn, must blame them. I realize
this is not most mens normal argumentation style, but the blame game is how women seize power over men. When its all your
fault, its now also your responsibility to do all this other stuff for her to make up for all those mistakes you made. Even the ones
that she is actually more or less responsible for. By blaming her back, you force her to backpedal, realize shell lose if the blame
game is played, and cycle down into calmer conversation with you (which is what you really want in the first place, right?).
You must also be willing to engage in the blame game during divorce proceedings. Some 2002 research [27] discovered that
during divorce, men remain unemotional and reserved, focused on legalistic laws focused on customs of law and customary
practice. Meanwhile, women use an emotional argument style with expressions of pain and insult. No matter how unemotional
and reservedly factual/legal you stay, a woman attacking and blaming you without you firmly pushing back will affect you both;
she will convince herself shes right, you are to blame, and you owe her for her suffering... and you will become convinced you
did everything wrong, and also owe her for her suffering. See how well your legal arguments hold up as she applies her
emotional ones, and you experience your moral authority crumble to dust.
You must learn to fight back against emotional attacks during relationships and marriage, and you must continue to
fight them during divorce. Dont worry this is a skill like any other. Once youve learned it, its easy... and it makes it
impossible for women to frame you as the bad guy anymore.
2. Faux encouragement for cockamamie schemes. Women will test you [28], even in marriage. The tests dont stop
because shes your wife. One of the ways they test is more directly related to frivorce, however, and that is floating alternate life
paths:
We should get divorced. I think were not a good match for each other.
We should have an open marriage.
I never wanted to be married. I never wanted children. You trapped me!
What if we had a break to try other people? Then we could get back together after.
I wanted to travel the world, like Eat, Pray, Love.
You should not freak out, like many guys do. Dont act offended or upset. Instead, your response when you get any of these
should be something along the lines of, Yeah, sure, I think thatd be great for you. You should totally do that. Lets split up and
then you can have all your freedom and can go do that.
She is using your response to gauge your strength [29]. If you give her faux encouragement while, in effect, laughing at her, the
message from you is, Ha. If you want to go then go. Ill replace you [30] faster than you can say, I miss my ex! You dont actually
say that to her, of course, because youll hurt her pride and will push her to do the thing she said shell do. Dont create pointless
problems for yourself (and her). Rather than insult her pride, you just say, Yeah, sure. I think thatd be great. You do that. I want
you to have your freedom and happiness. So if thats whatll get you freedom and happiness then lets do it. If youve otherwise
been a great match for her and a strong man, the amount of second thoughts shell get and the speed at which shell get them
(after perhaps a bit more testing from her; Okay great! Im glad you agree we should do this!) will shock you.
(the other alternative, if shes a softer woman and not as defiant, is if she says, We should do X. It isnt working! is to bring her
in for a warm hug and tell her, Youre the only one for me, babe. You know that. Youre my girl. Im with you. Dont use the lol,
go ahead response with soft/submissive girls, and dont use the youre my girl response with hard/defiant girls. You know what
kind of woman you have; select the appropriate response for your gal)
So long as you win the blame game and shoot down her cockamamie schemes with faux encouragement (or soft reconciliation
depends on the type of girl), she is going to be disinclined to frivorce... primarily because you beat her tests and arguments by
being a strong, masculine, attractive man who retains control of his woman and his relationship. Which means if she does
divorce you, it wont be because I wasnt feeling it anymore (i.e., My husband stopped being manly and sexy), since you will of
course still be manly and sexy.
(of course, if the relationship is not good in other ways, and all you do is win the blame game and brush off silly schemes of hers, shell
just resent you, rather than respect you. It isnt just about retaining command of the relationship; it is about retaining command, and
making sure the relationship is good)
#10: Have an Escape Plan Handy

Your escape plan is your post-divorce life plan. This is necessary primarily for bargaining power purposes. A lot of divorces blindside
the husband: the guy is unplugged, unaware, thinking everything is fine, then -BLAM!- she tells him she wants a divorce and serves
him with divorce papers.
The guy is stunned; his whole life unravels before him. And in this state, he puts up little resistance to her demands and proposals.
Just like with a sexual rape; the easiest victims are the ones caught completely unaware, and unprepared to fight back.
Your escape plan serves two purposes, awareness-wise:
1. It forces you to become aware of and attuned to the possibility of divorce happening to you. As unappealing as the idea
of divorce may be, and as much as youd like to hope it wont happen, planning for it forces you to accept the fact that it may well
happen. You stop being unaware once you accept that risk is real and worth your consideration / planning for.
2. It gives you an immediate backup plan to put in action in the event divorce does occur. Rather than sit around and mope,
as soon as divorce becomes a reality, you shift into action. All right, backup plan engaged; what are my first steps? This makes
it much easier to fight divorce rape, too; you cant agree to any unfair deals, because you need your assets for what comes next.
You cant be tied down into any more than is necessary, because youre already planning for life after divorce.
What kind of escape plan should you have in mind?
If possible, Id suggest geographical relocation. Another city, another country, another part of the world [31].
Step 2: self-evident.
Where this isnt possible (due to shared custody of children, an unwillingness to give up your current employer or change jobs, or a
simple lack of desire to go anywhere else on the planet), I suggest you at least move neighborhoods, preferably to somewhere young,
happening, and single. This should be somewhere with good nightlife and/or good spots to meet girls during the daytime. The aim is
to make clear to yourself that you are moving on and finding her replacement(s).
An escape plan also makes it easier for you to retain masculine authority and attractiveness in the context of the relationship (making
divorce less likely). Women dont want to be with men who find them irreplaceable (exception: if she finds you even more
irreplaceable. Then its okay). They want to be with men who enjoy their presences, appreciate them, care for them, desire them... and
yet can replace them without too much torment if that day should come.
Good Divorce Prep Preempts Divorce

An ending like Toms is effectively impossible if you take even half measures to guard against the worst forms of divorce rape. And if
you work actively to avoid divorce rape, you will often end up in a better marital position than most.
Quite possibly some of the most likely people to stay married are those who dont want divorce, yet who prepare well for divorce. If
youve taken pains to retain control and attractiveness in the relationship, retain her respect, and not let her get away with not being a
good wife, being frivolous, or getting your financial or temporal balls in a vise, not only do you avoid the worst divorces, but you make
divorce a more unlikely prospect in the first place.
Women simply do not want to divorce men they like, admire, are attracted to, and respect. And if divorce must happen with a
man a woman feels these emotions toward, and he proceeds in a firm, fair, respectful way with her, she will tend to want to go for a
win-win exit and not try to screw him over.
Remember our 10 steps to not get divorce raped by a scorned (or coldly calculating) spouse:
1. Pick the Right Wife

2. Maintain a Modest Lifestyle
3. Run a Traditional Relationship
4. Control the Assets and Money
5. Place Your Assets in a Trust
6. Sign a Lawyer-Approved Pre-Nup
7. Otherwise, Keep Lawyers Out
8. Put the Fear of God in Her
9. Preempt Frivorce Motivations
10. Have an Escape Plan Handy
And one final tip: your wife is not an enemy of you or of marriage. The state is the enemy. The system is the enemy. The lawyers who
profit off your divorce are the enemy. The judge who presides over divorce rape and smiles as he hands out the sentence is your
enemy. And a society that condones frivolity, tells women to just do what you feel is right, encourages women to abandon their
marriages and families for sex with young men in exotic locales that society is the enemy. These are whom you combat with these
steps; not your wife. These are the forces that wage war on marriage; it is not the woman.
These forces are not evil; they do what they do because it is their job, or they believe it is right, or they think they are helping. But they
enable destructive behavior that is a net loss to society, and leads to broken families, damaged men, damaged women, and damaged
children. Thus, you use these steps to reduce the power these forces hold over you, your woman, your children, and your marriage; to
enable a healthier relationship, freer from poisonous interference.
Follow these steps, and combine that with running a great relationship, and your wife will respect you, admire you, and hold you in
higher esteem than the system that promises her the world, paid for by your dime. Even if divorce happens, these steps give you the
best odds possible to negotiate an equitable win-win settlement with your wife, rather than surrender to an unfair winner-take-all
settlement, or fail to even reach a settlement and end up in court.
Rather than throw yourself on the mercy of an unmerciful court, you must think like a (crafty) rogue: make your own rules, rely on
personal power and charisma, and where a clash with the system is unavoidable, look for ways to turn that system to your advantage.
Get these steps into action, and you shall be that gun-slinging, divorce-rape-dodging, system-crashing marriage outlaw. Put em into
practice, get good at them, and run your marriage(s) well. And may the system warped to oppose your marriage scowl in horror at
your happy, fruitful, successful union.
Yours,
Chase Amante
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[9] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/End-of-history_illusion
[10] http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/585506
[11] http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/0049-089X%2890%2990016-C
[12] http://www.girlschase.com/content/modern-marriage-part-1-why-heck-do-guys-get-married
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[17] http://www.girlschase.com/content/modern-marriage-part-6-how-bounce-back-divorce
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10 Steps To Not Get Raped in Your Divorce

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5/12/2017 10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce

Published on Girls Chase (http://www.girlschase.com)

10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce [5]

By Chase Amante [6]

1. What is Divorce Rape?

2. The Hidden Marriage Crisis

3. 10 Steps to Avoid Divorce Rape

a. Pick the Right Wife

4. Good Divorce Prep Preempts Divorce

Tom was a victim of divorce rape.

What is Divorce Rape?

The Marriage Crisis No One is Allowed to Talk About

Today, Im going to help you get a little bargaining power back.

10 Steps to Avoid Divorce Rape

2. Modern Marriage, Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like [13]

3. Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages [14]

4. Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesnt Match Expectations [15]

5. Modern Marriage, Part 5: How to Handle the Divorce Process [16]

6. Modern Marriage, Part 6: How to Bounce Back From Divorce [17]

#1: Pick the Right Wife

Gold diggers [20]

So, screen aggressively for:

#2: Maintain a Modest Lifestyle

#3: Run a Traditional Relationship

Pretty much not divorcing you anytime soon.

I Was Divorce Raped. Dont Be Me. [23]

#4: Control the Assets and Money

#5: Place Your Assets in a Trust

#6: Sign a Lawyer-Approved Pre-Nup

She was underage when she signed

#7: Otherwise, Keep the Lawyers Out

Actual divorce lawyer and client.

There are several reasons for this:

#8: Put the Fear of God in Her

Examples Ive used with past girlfriends:

Maybe Ill try being civil first.

Be fair if you want to be treated fair.

#9: Preempt Her Frivorce Motivations

#10: Have an Escape Plan Handy

Your escape plan serves two purposes, awareness-wise:

What kind of escape plan should you have in mind?

Good Divorce Prep Preempts Divorce

1. Pick the Right Wife

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