Grade 78 Scoring Manual

May 2008
New Jersey Assessment of Skills and Knowledge

(NJ ASK)
Grades 7 & 8
Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring:

A Writing Handbook
October 2008
Copyright 2008 by New Jersey Department of Education
All rights reserved.
STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION
JOSEPHINE E. HERNANDEZ .................................................................................. Union

President
ARCELIO APONTE ............................................................................................ Middlesex

Vice President
RONALD K. BUTCHER.....................................................................................Gloucester
KATHLEEN A. DIETZ ......................................................................................... Somerset
DEBRA ECKERT-CASHA ....................................................................................... Morris
EDITHE FULTON......................................................................................................Ocean
ERNEST P. LEPORE............................................................................................... Hudson
FLORENCE MCGINN ........................................................................................Hunterdon
KENNETH J. PARKER...........................................................................................Camden
DOROTHY STRICKLAND ........................................................................................Essex
Lucille E. Davy, Commissioner

Secretary, State Board of Education
It is a policy of the New Jersey State Board of Education and the State Department of
Education that no person, on the basis of race, creed, national origin, age, sex,
handicap, or marital status, shall be subjected to discrimination in employment or be
excluded from or denied benefits in any activity, program, or service for which the
department has responsibility. The department will comply with all state and federal
laws and regulations concerning nondiscrimination.
May 2008
NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

(NJ ASK)
Grades 7 & 8
Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring:

A Writing Handbook
Jon. S. Corzine
Governor
Lucille E. Davy
Commissioner of Education
Jay Doolan, Ed.D., Assistant Commissioner

Division of Educational Standards and Programs
Timothy Peters, Ph.D., Director

Office of State Assessments
Sharon Dama, M.Ed.

Language Arts Literacy Coordinator
Office of State Assessments
New Jersey Department of Education

PO Box 500
Trenton, New Jersey 08625-0500
October 2008
PTM # 1506.93
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING.......................................................................... 1

Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring: An Operational Definition............................................. 1
Appropriateness of Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring........................................................... 2
CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING: 2008 ..............................................................4

Scoring with the Criteria ....................................................................................................... 4
Summary ............................................................................................................................... 4
USING THE STUDENT RESPONSES AND CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC

SCORING FOR STUDENT AND PROGRAM EVALUATION........................................5
Student-Teacher Analysis of NJ ASK Responses................................................................. 6
A Practical Classroom Application of RHSR: Bringing Students into the Evaluation
Process .................................................................................................................................. 7
Multiple Uses of the Authors Self-Reporting Form ............................................................8
Summary ............................................................................................................................... 9
GRADE SEVEN
APPENDIX A: RUBRIC FOR SCORING STUDENT WRITING....................................... 11
New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric (RHSR) ................................................... 12
APPENDIX B: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

A NARRATIVE.................................................................................................................. 13
APPENDIX C: DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

(SPECULATIVE PROMPT) AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES .........................17
Score Scale Point 1................................................................................................ 19
APPENDIX D : TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

A PERSUASIVE ESSAY ...................................................................................................69
APPENDIX E : DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASIVE TASK AND SAMPLE

STUDENT RESPONSES ................................................................................................... 73
Score Scale Point 5..............................................................................................107
GRADE EIGHT
APPENDIX A: RUBRIC FOR SCORING STUDENT WRITING......................................127
New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric (RHSR) .................................................128
APPENDIX B: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

A NARRATIVE................................................................................................................129
APPENDIX C: DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

(SPECULATIVE PROMPT) AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES .......................133
APPENDIX D: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

A PERSUASIVE ESSAY ................................................................................................. 185
APPENDIX E: DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASUVE TASK AND SAMPLE

STUDENT RESPONSES .................................................................................................189
APPENDIX H: AUTHORS SELF-REPORTING FORM................................................... 243

CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING
New Jersey has been assessing students ability to write standard English since 1984. From
198586 through 198990, this assessment was conducted with ninth-grade students as a
component of the Grade 9 High School Proficiency Test (HSPT9). In 199394, the HSPT9
was replaced with the Grade 11 High School Proficiency Test (HSPT11) and an eighth-grade
Early Warning Test (EWT). The Writing section of these two tests consisted of two
components: a writing sample, which assessed students abilities to write sustained discourse,
and a multiple-choice portion, which assessed how well students were able to read critically,
revise, and edit the written text of others. With the May 1996 adoption of the Core
Curriculum Content Standards and a subsequent update in 2004, test specifications were
developed to align testing with the knowledge and skills described in the language arts
literacy standards. These test specifications identify the components of the High School
Proficiency Assessment (HSPA) and New Jersey Assessment of Skills and Knowledge
(NJ ASK). National trends in support of standards-based education and educational
accountability led to the passage of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 (NCLB), which
required that every state establish annual standardized assessments. As a result of the No
Child Left Behind requirements, New Jersey established additional statewide assessments in
grade 3 (starting in 2003) and in grades 5 through 7 (starting in 2006). The statewide
assessments for elementary and middle school grades are administered under the name New
Jersey Assessment of Skills and Knowledge (NJ ASK).
The NJ ASK elicits two samples of student writing. In 2008, students wrote original texts in
two modes of discourse (narrative and persuasive). This handbook focuses on the writing
samples resulting from the May 2008 administration of the NJ ASK. It presents the scoring
method and criteria used to evaluate student writing and offers suggestions for using New
Jerseys scoring rubric and student test data to improve classroom instruction.
Student writing on the NJ ASK is scored holistically using a criterion-based rubric or scale,
the Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric (RHSR). Developed by the New Jersey Department of
Education in a research study involving approximately 200 educators, criterion-based holistic
scoring has been used since 1986 as the scoring method for state-developed writing
assessments. The RHSR is not only an index of students ability to apply standard written
English in sustained discourse; it also is a measure of students ability to communicate
effectively within a range of situations and audiences that they are likely to encounter as
adults.
Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring: An Operational Definition
Criterion-based holistic scoring brings uniformity to the evaluation of writing across contents
and settings by specifying salient features of writing quality and levels of writing proficiency.
The RHSR focuses on four features: content/organization, usage, sentence construction, and
mechanics. For any given sample, these criteria serve as indicators of how well the writer
communicates an intended message to a given audience.
1
In criterion-based holistic scoring, these predetermined features are anchored by descriptions
that vary for different values on a scoring guide or rubric. The point values or score points
describe the proficiency level or how well the student handles the features.
The RHSR is based on a six-point score scale: 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest). Each score point on
the six-point scale has the same four features but with different descriptions for each level of
proficiency; with the RHSR, evaluations are first made with respect to content/organization
and then adjusted with reference to the other three. In this way, an integration of these
descriptive features enables readers to evaluate the quality of a written response with respect
to a point value on the scale. Much of the focus of the RHSR is on the content/organization
of the response. Thus, the organization of a response assigned a value of 2 is not as high
quality as the organization of a response assigned a value of 3.
Criterion-based scoring does not rely upon the readers inferring performance criteria from
exemplars or anchor papers. Rather, the method defines consistent criteria for judging writing
quality independent of the sample of responses. Training and qualifying sets of student papers
are used to illustrate how the scoring criteria are applied across the range of possible score
points. The samples and accompanying annotations included in Appendices C and E of this
document are examples of student performances with respect to the features of written
language targeted by the rubric.
In summary, a criterion-based scoring method:

uses score-point criteria representing progressive levels of writing skill
proficiency;
uses consistent language across all score points;
defines each feature at each score point; and
provides accuracy and consistency through stringent controls on the training and
qualifying of scorers.
Appropriateness of Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring
Criterion-based scoring rubrics anchor consistent features of writing, independent

of purpose and audience from year to year. This consistency is necessary because
a different population sits for the test at each administration, and different writing
tasks are administered each time. To assure the same meaning of score points
from one test administration to the next (the same level of student writing), the
scoring method focuses upon invariant criteria of good writing. Although a task
can elicit a variety of responses written in a variety of rhetorical modes (narrative,
persuasive, etc.), a papers rating is based on the students facility with the
identified features. That facility is registered by a point on the score scale that
describes the students command of written language.
The established criteria allow the anchoring of the features consistently from year
to year and therefore eliminate scoring procedures that are strictly normative or
based on differing evaluation criteria. That is, a paper receiving a 4 one year could
conceivably receive a 2 the following year if it were scored with reference to the
2
sample of student skills or to varying scoring criteria. Scored according to New
Jerseys criterion-based method, a paper receiving a 4 one year will more
consistently receive a 4 the next year.
Because the criteria for scoring are set forth at each score point as descriptive
features, scorer reliability can be maintained. The descriptive statements of each
feature at each score point describe the quality of writing assigned that score.
The distribution of scores based on criterion-based methods permits evaluation of

districts instructional programs because the uniform scoring criteria are published
and disseminated for inclusion in these programs.
Reader bias (a personal preference for scoring based on form/number of

paragraphs, flavor or style, etc.) is diminished because the criteria are established
prior to the actual scoring of the students responses. In addition, the criteria are
essential factors within the training and qualifying papers used to select readers
who can consistently and reliably apply the scoring criteria of the score scale.
New Jerseys criterion-based scoring rubric emphasizes writing as a higher-order

thinking skill as measured by the NJ ASK. Writing requires knowledge of ones
topic (content) and a cogent application of that knowledge (organization); use of
the English language according to a recognized standard (usage); the structuring of
words and sentences to present a complete thought or message to the intended
audience(s) (sentence construction); and the application of the conventions of the
English language that serve to clarify the authors intended message (mechanics).
The scoring rubric permits an analysis of students strengths and needs when
writing on demand in a timed setting. This benefits educators by providing
feedback on the effectiveness of instructional strategies with respect to the
evaluation criteria expressed by the rubric.
3
CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING: 2008
Scoring with the Criteria
During May and June of 2008, approximately 105,000 New Jersey seventh- and eighth-grade
student writing responses were scored by two independent readers each, by Measurement
Incorporated (MI), the NJ ASK assessment contractor. In addition to scoring the NJ ASK
writing tasks, MI also handscored student responses to constructed-response reading,
mathematics, and science test items.
To accomplish the scoring of the seventh- and eighth-grade writing samples, MI selected 100
of its most experienced readers. All readers, regardless of experience, were required to
participate in an intensive training for three days. Only readers who met the 80% agreement
standard qualified to score New Jersey writing. By the end of training, the readers had
internalized the defined criteria (four features) at each of the six score points of the
Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric by practice-scoring and discussing over one hundred
sample student responses. It took approximately six weeks to complete the scoring.
Current procedures for scoring student writing on the NJ ASK are consistent with those used
by New Jersey since the inception of a performance-based writing component in statewide
assessments. All writing sections of the seventh- and eighth-grade tests are monitored and
scored by trained, experienced personnel who have met the same rigorous standards
established with the initial holistic scoring study conducted in 1986. Many individuals are
responsible for ensuring the success of scoring any large-scale writing assessment. Key to the
process of scoring New Jerseys seventh- and eighth-grade responses accurately and reliably
were MIs senior project manager, the chief reader, team leaders, the readers, and clerical
aides.
MIs readers were also responsible for recognizing and flagging nonscorable responses
(fragment, off-topic, not English, no response) and alert papers (e.g., suspicion of child
abuse) so that these papers could be handled in the correct manner. The Office of State
Assessments in the Department of Education brings these alerts to the attention of school
district personnel. Alert papers are flagged if they reflect potential abuse, emotional or
psychological difficulty, or possible plagiarism.
Summary
Scorers using the criteria of the Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric must first focus their
attention on the content and organization of the students writing as it addresses the topic
and then adjust their 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest) score point based upon the effect of three other
criteria: usage, sentence construction, and mechanics. Only one score point is assigned by
each of the two independent readers, and the final score represents either the average of the
two scores (for the speculative prompt) or the sum of the two scores (for the persuasive
prompt). Student narratives (speculative prompt) are reported on a scale of 1 to 6; student
essays (persuasive prompt) are reported on a scale of 2 to 12.
4
USING THE STUDENT RESPONSES AND CRITERION-BASED
HOLISTIC SCORING FOR STUDENT AND PROGRAM EVALUATION
Students responses are the best measure of student writing and can provide significant
information regarding both the writing curriculum and individual student strengths and needs;
therefore, teachers at all grade levels are encouraged to examine this source of information
about their students and about their instructional program.
Analysis of the responses alongside the scoring criteria can yield data about how the top-,
middle-, and lower-level writers in the school and district write when required to compose or
to revise and edit on demand. The series of questions below can be used to help analyze the
students writing. Note that the questions, which are directly linked to the criteria of the two
rubrics, can be used to evaluate students understanding of the writing tasks.
Content/Organization
What organizational patterns have been chosen by the writers? Can they all establish a
focus for their papers? Do they have beginnings? Do they have endings? Are the
papers cluttered with irrelevant information? Do they progress logically from
beginning to end? Are transitions appropriate and varied?
How many of the students appear to be able to express themselves on a given task?
How many seem to find it difficult to write on a given task? For a given purpose? For
a given audience?
Are keys ideas developed with appropriate and varied details? Are responses highly
effective and vivid?
Usage
Do students use words that are grammatically correct?
Does the word usage reflect appropriate tense form and sequence, proper pronoun
case, correct use of negatives, pronoun agreement, use of proper modifiers, as well as
subject-verb agreement?
Are the word choices appropriate to the context, purpose, and audience of the
responses? Are they vivid, rich, and meaningful?
Sentence Construction
Is a variety of sentence types used by the writers? What type of sentence construction
do they use? Are the statements incoherent, unintelligible, fragmented, repetitive, or
rambling?
Mechanics
What is the impact of the mechanical errors in the papers? Does any pattern emerge
with respect to spelling, capitalization, and punctuation?
5
From the answers to these and other questions, district staffs can determine a great deal about
their programs. For example, perhaps most of the seventh- and eighth-grade writers in a
school fail to use descriptive detail. Is this because the skill is not part of the writing
program? Is it because the seventh and eighth graders cannot apply it to their own writing?
Perhaps they are taught various methods of sentence construction, but they cannot apply this
knowledge to their own papers.
With the implementation of language arts literacy assessments at grades 3 through 8, local
districts should recognize their responsibility to monitor students written language fluency in
the primary and intermediate grades in order to prepare them for the writing tasks. Districts
should assess student writing at all grades, and they should incorporate the rubrics into the
instructional program so that students will be familiar with the features of good writing and
the criteria by which student writing is evaluated on the statewide assessments. The
Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric is an appropriate tool for assessing the writing of those
who can convey meaning in sustained written discourse (i.e., of students at grade 3 and up).
Monitoring student writing ability in the primary and intermediate grades will produce
information about students progress in writing and will provide an early warning of
students needs.
Student-Teacher Analysis of NJ ASK Responses
In order to improve student writing skills, teachers and students should study the features of
written language discussed in this handbook and practice what they learn about the use and
control of standard written English. In addition to having students write regularly across
varying linguistic contexts, teachers need to help individual students apply an inquiry
approach by reviewing the sample responses in this handbook, the annotations on each of the
samples, and the features of the respective score scales. This inquiry approach should then be
practiced by having students evaluate their own writing for these features. Conference
approaches, such as teacher-student or student-student conferencing, will increase student
awareness of these features. Writers improve most when they have had an opportunity to
confer and then revise in light of the suggestions that result from an audience-author
interaction. Since student responses will be returned to your school, take advantage of the
opportunity to engage students in attending to the features of their own writing. In addition,
students should serve as critical readers (the audience) of the writing of other students and
suggest possible revisions or edits.
The Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric included in Appendix A should assist educators and
students when they confer about specific strengths and needs as indicated by the students
written responses to the NJ ASK writing tasks. The rubric should be duplicated and
distributed to students not only as instruments to help them evaluate their writing, but also as
tools to increase their understanding of the descriptors at each score point. The rubric should
also provide them with more information about the developmental progression of criteria
across the scale points.
When working with the RHSR, remind students that a score of 8 (two 4s assigned by
independent readers) describes their command of standard written English as adequate.
6
Direct students to look at the description of features for a score point of 4 and to review their
own paper for known strengths and needs.
On the 2 to 12 scale in which the two readers ratings are summed, papers scored 2 through 5
tend to lack command of standard written English and are, therefore, unable to convey the
task message sufficiently for the purpose and audience intended. Papers scored 6 through 12
show varying acceptable degrees of command of standard written English and are, therefore,
able to effectively address the purpose and audience intended.
A Practical Classroom Application of the RHSR: Bringing Students into the Evaluation
Process
Evaluation should be a natural extension of the writing process. By using the rubric in the
classroom frequently, students can understand not only how their writing is evaluated, but
also what constitutes good writing.
Teachers may introduce the rubric to their students in many ways; however, the following
method is one that has been used successfully with students in grades 312.
Before introducing the RHSR, the teacher should pass out three papers that represent a range
of writing scores. Sample papers may be obtained from Appendix C (narrative responses) or
Appendix E (persuasive essays) or from previously published writing handbooks distributed
with sample papers. If papers are selected from any of these sources, the teacher may use
sample responses that received a 1, 3, or 6. The papers should have the scores and annotations
removed before they are distributed to the students. The teacher may also choose to select
grade-appropriate papers from previous assignments for this activity. (Be sure to remove
student names.)
Working in small groups, students should read the sample papers and decide which one they
would rank highest, which one in the middle, and which one lowest. After each group has
come to a consensus on the ranking of the papers, the students should talk about what makes
good writing. They should also consider what makes one piece of writing better than another.
Based on their reading of the sample papers and their discussion, each group should decide
what criteria constitute effective writing.
When the groups have finished their discussion, a recorder should report each groups criteria
for good writing to the entire class. Either a student or the teacher can keep a running list of
all the criteria on the chalkboard or flip chart. The teacher should then pass out the Registered
Holistic Scoring Rubric (see Appendix A) and point out the similarities between the students
criteria for good writing and those identified by the New Jersey Department of Education.
As the teacher reviews the characteristics at each of the score points, students should become
more familiar with them. One way to help the students internalize the criteria on the guide is
to have them actually score sample papers. When students are practicing scoring these papers,
they should work in small groups. After each person decides individually what score the paper
7
should be given, the group as a whole should discuss what scores were assigned. Group
discussion of the paper helps the students better understand the strengths and weaknesses in
writing and helps them become comfortable with using the terminology in the scoring rubric.
As students use criterion-based holistic scoring to evaluate papers, they develop a better
understanding of the problems as well as the successes of writing. This understanding helps
students produce better writing.
Multiple Uses of the Authors Self-Reporting Form
The features and criteria of holistic scoring have been an integral part of both the scoring of
student responses and professional development training sessions for teachers since 1986. The
Authors Self-Reporting Form (see Appendix H) incorporates these established features and
criteria in a structural context that provides versatility in the assessment of writing and the
opportunity for greater involvement of individual students in the evaluation of their own
writing. It is intended to help students and teachers not only evaluate strengths and needs as
indexed by the score on the responses to the NJ ASK writing tasks, but also to increase their
awareness and understanding of the elements of effective writing. In addition, it has been
designed to incorporate key components of the writing process: self-assessment at all stages
of draft development, revising, editing, student-teacher conferencing, peer conferencing, and
monitoring individual growth over time.
One use of the Authors Self-Reporting Form would be in conjunction with the teacher-
student review of the scored responses to the NJ ASK writing tasks. Prior to scheduling
student conferences, teachers may provide students with a copy of this form. At that time,
teachers could review the RHSR features and discuss with the students the overview and
criteria as listed in this handbook. Students could then assess their own responses, focusing
upon the individual criteria of each feature. Part of the self-evaluation would include
determining whether, in that given paper, each criterion was a strength or a need. Further
analysis would be reflected in the comments that the students made about these strengths and
needs. These comments on the self-reporting form could then be the basis for opening the
dialogue between the student and teacher in an individual conference setting.
This same procedure can also be incorporated as an instructional strategy for other
conferencing situations throughout the school year. As students meet with the teacher and
with each other to discuss their writing in varying stages of development, reference to
common criteria and language provides objectivity to the evaluation process. Using the
Authors Self-Reporting Form to record the strengths and needs identified during a
conference is one way of documenting what was discussed during the conference, as well as
monitoring individual growth. These self-reporting forms could become part of the
systematic, cumulative record in each students writing portfolio or folder.
In addition, this self-reporting form could help teachers tailor their instruction to meet the
individual needs of their students. By analyzing patterns of student strengths and weaknesses
that emerge in a cumulative review of forms for each student, teachers can determine criteria
8
with which the student has met success and those areas that require further instructional
emphasis.
Another instructional and curricular use of this form lies in the analysis of patterns that
emerge from an entire class, school, and district. This type of study can provide teachers and
administrators with information about the present collective status of students writing
abilities. This type of evaluation is key to discovering instructional and curricular strengths
and needs and determining future strategies for the improvement of writing.
Summary
Students should write frequently for a variety of purposes and audiences. Much of students
writing is based on personal experience and self-expression. Patterns of sound symbol
relationships are still being formed, so spelling errors may be common in the early grades,
though these may have little effect on the childs overall communication skills. Writing in all
content areas should be encouraged. Since frequent experience in writing is essential for the
development of students writing skills, teachers are encouraged to use student journals, free
writing exercises, and other writing activities, which may or may not be graded. Students
should be encouraged to generate a topic, plan a piece of writing, write, revise, and edit.
Regular experience in writing will increase students confidence about writing as well as their
competence.
To this end, the following practices are recommended:
1. Regular writing instruction

2. A systematic approach to writing instruction
3. Frequent and varied writing assignments
4. Inclusion of writing assignments in all content areas
5. Use of writing folders or portfolios to monitor student progress
6. Establishment of writing standards that are clearly understood by faculty and
students
7. Use of student-teacher conferences as an instructional method
8. Use of modeling as an instructional method
9. Peer sharing of writing
10. Coordination of the elements common to the teaching of reading and the
teaching of writing
9
GRADE SEVEN
10
APPENDIX A
RUBRIC FOR SCORING STUDENT WRITING
New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric
11
NEW JERSEY REGISTERED HOLISTIC SCORING RUBRIC
FOR WRITING
(Grades 6-8)
In scoring, consider Inadequate Command Limited Command Partial Command Adequate Command Strong Command Superior Command
the
grid of written
language
Score 1 2 3 4 5 6
Generally has
May lack opening May lack opening May lack opening Opening and Opening and
opening and/or
and/or closing and/or closing and/or closing closing closing
closing
Single focus
Single, distinct focus
Attempts to focus Sense of unity and
Minimal response to Usually has single Unified and
May drift or shift Single focus coherence
topic; uncertain focus focus coherent
focus Key ideas
Content Well-developed
developed
and Attempts Some lapses or flaws Logical progression Logical progression
Organization organization in organization Ideas loosely of ideas of ideas
No planning evident;
Few, if any, May lack some connected Moderately fluent Fluent, cohesive
disorganized
transitions between transitions between Transitions evident Attempts Compositional risks
ideas ideas compositional risks successful
Repetitious details
Details random, Details lack Uneven Details effective,
Several Details appropriate
inappropriate, or elaboration, i.e., development of vivid, explicit,
unelaborated and varied
barely apparent highlight paper details and/or pertinent
details
No apparent control Errors/patterns of Some errors that do
Very few, if any,
Usage Severe/numerous Numerous errors errors may be not interfere with Few errors
errors
errors evident meaning
Excessive Variety in syntax Precision and/or
Assortment of Little variety in
12
Sentence monotony/same Some variety appropriate and sophistication
incomplete and/or syntax
Construction structure Generally correct effective Very few, if any,
incorrect sentences Some errors
Numerous errors Few errors errors
No consistent
pattern of errors
Errors so severe they Numerous serious Patterns of errors Very few, if any,
Mechanics Some errors that do Few errors
detract from meaning errors evident errors
not interfere with
meaning
NR = No Response Student wrote too little to allow a Sentence

Content/Organization Usage Mechanics
reliable judgment of his/her Construction
NON-SCORABLE writing.
RESPONSES Communicates Tense formation Variety of type, Spelling
OT = Off Topic/ Student did not write on the intended message Subject-verb structure, and Capitalization
Off Task assigned topic/task, or the student to intended agreement length Punctuation
attempted to copy the prompt. audience Pronouns Correct
Relates to topic usage/agreemen construction
Student wrote in a language other Opening and t
NE = Not English
than English. closing Word
Focused choice/meaning
Logical progression Proper Modifiers
WF = Wrong Format Student refused to write on the of ideas
topic, or the writing task folder Transitions
was blank. Appropriate details
and information
Note: All unscorable responses (NSRs), with the exception of New Jersey Department of Education
NR, must be coded by the Scoring Director
APPENDIX B
TEST ASMINISTRATION MATERIALS

FOR WRITING A NARRATIVE
13
NJASK - SECURE MATERIAL - DO NOT COPY
Directions for the Student

In Part 4, you will respond to a writing task. You may write in this test booklet, but nothing
you write here will be scored. Only what you write in your answer folder will be scored.
Things to remember about the writing task:

1. Carefully read the writing task. Think about what you have been asked to do. You may
refer back to the writing task whenever necessary, and you may make notes as you
read.
2. You may use the space in your answer folder to plan your response. As you plan your
response to the writing task, use the Writers Checklist you have received to help you
remember important points to consider.
3. Be sure to write your response in your answer folder. Only what you write in your
answer folder will be scored. Write as neatly and clearly as possible in the appropriate
space in your answer folder.
4. You must use a Number 2 pencil. You may either print or write your final copy. You may
not use a dictionary or any other reference materials during the test. However, you may
use the Writers Checklist, which lists important points for you to remember as you write.
5. You will have 25 minutes to complete the writing task. If you finish before the time is
called, review what you have written using the Writers Checklist to read critically and
improve your composition. Then, close your test booklet and wait quietly until you
receive further instructions.
14
Writing Task
Imagine you have the chance to meet a famous person in history. You will get to spend
the entire day with this person. Whom would you choose to meet, and how would you
spend your day?
Write a story about meeting a famous person in history and how you spent the day.
The writing you do in your answer folder will be scored. You may use the space provided on
pages 14 and 15 of your answer folder to plan your ideas before you begin writing your
response. Then write your response on pages 1619 of your answer folder.
15
16
APPENDIX C
DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

(SPECULATIVE PROMPT) AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES
17
DESCRIPTION OF TASK
The responses selected to appear in this handbook were written by seventh-grade students
who took the narrative writing section of the May 2008 NJ ASK. The responses appear as the
students wrote them; no corrections have been made other than the deletion of specific names
that appear to identify the student or the students school district. A typed version of each
response appears before the handwritten response.
Samples are included for each score point of the New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring
Rubric (a 6-point scale). These sample responses, which are grouped by score point, represent
the range of approaches that seventh-grade students take with this writing task. Each score
point is described in detail, and each response is annotated according to the score point
criteria.
Students were provided a writing prompt and given 25 minutes to construct a narrative or
story based on the prompt or some aspect of it. Prewriting/planning was encouraged, and
space was provided for this endeavor. A Writers Checklist of important ideas was also
provided to encourage students to read, revise, and edit their written work. All students
writing was considered a first draft in this writing process since students were not permitted
to confer with others nor to refer to outside resources (dictionary or thesaurus) and therefore
were unable to rely on the feedback and constructive suggestions that result from strategies
appropriate for classroom instruction. In this way, the test obtains a sample of each students
baseline writing ability within the context of consistent standards that ensure fairness to all
who participate.
18
Score Scale Point 1
The response indicates an INADEQUATE COMMAND of written language. The writing
samples in this category:
CONTENT/ May not have an opening and/or closing. These papers are on
ORGANIZATION topic and demonstrate at least a minimal attempt to respond to the
topic by stating a subject or giving a list of subjects. Some of the
lengthier papers are disorganized, making them consistently
difficult to follow. In these papers the reader has to infer what the
focus is. The overriding characteristic of many of these papers is a
lack of control with no sense of planning. Details may be random,
inappropriate, or barely apparent.
USAGE May display severe/numerous errors in usage. This includes
problems in tense formation, subject-verb agreement, pronoun
usage and agreement, word choice, and use of proper modifiers.
SENTENCE May demonstrate an assortment of grammatically
CONSTRUCTION incorrect/incomplete sentences and/or incorrect rhetorical modes.
Statements may be either incoherent or unintelligible.
MECHANICS May display errors in mechanics so severe as to detract from the
meaning of the response.
19
I will like to meet King Tut. At home I play viedogames. I live in New Jersey
than in the U.S.A. I like to be perins of Eypit. This place is dry and hot. I will show
you stuff in our state. We have lightblows, cars, phones, grass, trees, t.v, family,
muic, rode, lots of houes, stor, pen, pencle, ced, rain storm, telaphone pulls, malibox
flashlight, and soft bed, and it is a free contcher.
20
Score Point: 1
In this brief response, the student attempts to address the topic by selecting a
famous person (King Tut). However, there is no planning evident in the response.
A series of unrelated statements (At home I play video games. I live in New
Jersey, than in the USA. I like to be perins of Egypt) is followed by a random list of
items that the student will show the reader and there is no concluding statement to
tie the information together. Some attempt to control these details through the use
of connecting transitions would be necessary for this response to achieve a higher
score.
21
The person I would like to meet is the president I would want to meet this person
because I want to know everything about my country. I think we would spend are
time in the white house I think we would also do some stuff the president would
normally do during his day but I think I would learn alot through this expirence This is
what I think we would do through the day.
22
Score Point: 1
This response presents some reasons explaining why the student would like to
meet the President (I want to know everything about my country, I would learn a
lot through this experience) but the details are bare and unelaborated. In addition,
none of the sentences are correctly punctuated, demonstrating an inadequate
command of language.
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24
Score Scale Point 2
The response indicates a LIMITED COMMAND of written language. The writing samples in
this category:
CONTENT/ May not have an opening and/or a closing. These responses will
ORGANIZATION exhibit an attempt at organization. In other words, there will be some
evidence the writer attempted to control the details. The responses
relate to the topic, but in some papers, the writer drifts away from the
primary focus or abruptly shifts focus. In other papers, there is a
single focus, but there are few, if any, transitions, making it difficult
to move from idea to idea. Details are presented with little, if any,
elaborationhighlight papers.
USAGE May have numerous problems with usage, but they are not totally
out of control.
SENTENCE May demonstrate excessive monotony in syntax and/or rhetorical
CONSTRUCTION modes. There may be numerous errors in sentence construction.
MECHANICS May display numerous severe errors in mechanics.
25
If I could meet a famous person in history it would be John lennon. I would want to
spend the day with him because I like the beatles and he was the lead singer. First
thing I would like to do that day is ask him Questions about some of the songs he wrote
and how they came up with them. Then we would Just hang out listen to music.
26
Score Point: 2
Although brief, this response does demonstrate an attempt to control the ideas.
Simple transitions (because, first thing, then) connect the ideas in a logical way.
While the elaboration is minimal, there is sufficient detail added to provide a
highlight (questions about the songs he wrote, and how he came up with them)
which explains what the student would do that day. Overall, there is sufficient
control to demonstrate a limited command of language.
27
If I could have a chance to meet a famous person in history it would be Martin
Luther King Jr. If I could spend a day with him we would go out to breakfast and talk
about what it was like when he was growing up. Then we would go do something fun
like go to a park and play some sports. After doing that we could go back to my house
and my mom would make all of us dinner. Once we were done with dinner we would
make a colage of Martin Luther King Jr. So after we got done doing that we could go
out and get some dessert. But the choice would be up to Martin Luther King Jr. After
we got our dessert I would take him to the boardwalk in Seaside Heights. I would take
him there because it would probably be a new experince for him. Then after that the
day would be over. So hopefully Martin Luther King Jr. had fun.
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29
Score Point: 2
This response presents a lengthy list of activities that the student would like to do
with Martin Luther King Jr. Each new idea is introduced with a simple transition
(then, when, after), which contributes to the organization of the response.
However, there is very little elaboration on any of the planned activities (Once we
were done with dinner we would make a cologe after we were done with that we
could go out and get some dessert). As a consequence, the response reads like a
series of highlights that need to be fleshed out for the response to achieve a
higher score.
30
Score Scale Point 3
The response indicates a PARTIAL COMMAND of written language. The writing samples
in this category:
CONTENT/ May not have an opening and/or a closing. These responses relate
ORGANIZATION to the topic and usually have a single focus. Some of these papers
may drift from the focus or abruptly shift focus; however, in these
papers, at least one of the subjects focused upon clearly meets the
criteria for a 3. For example, some 3 papers are sparsethey have
several details with a little elaboration, but they are organized and
controlled; some 3 papers will ramble somewhat, repeating ideas
resulting in a lengthy response that otherwise would be sparse;
and other 3 papers have elaborated ideas and details, but the
writing sample is interrupted by organizational flaws/lapses or by
a lack of transition between ideas or between clusters of ideas.
USAGE May display a pattern(s) of errors in usage.
SENTENCE May demonstrate little variety in syntax structure and/or
CONSTRUCTION rhetorical modes. There may be errors in sentence construction.
MECHANICS May display a pattern(s) of errors in mechanics.
31
If I had the chance to meet one famous person in history, it would be Walt
Disney. Walt Disney created Disneyland and Disney World, huge theme parks that
tons of people have been to. Many people go back to visit the park again! These
parks make kids and adults happy. He created all the characters ... thats amazing.
That would be why I would want to meet him.
How would I spend my day with Walt Disney? That is a good question. First I
would go to breakfast with him and ask him many questions about how he created
Disney Land/World, and about how he created the characters. Then off we would go
to Disneyland and sneak a few rides in! After walking around a while we would take
a break and have lunch. I would then take that time to ask him more personal
questions, about himself. Like, when did you start making the characters, or, when
did you first start drawing?
Then we would walk around a little bit to let our food digest. After that ... more
rides! Also I would discover how they work everything and how long it took to make
everything.
By that time dinner rolls around. We go eat at one of the resturants there
and he tells me about how they made everything and what does it feel like to be
making families happy and having a huge business.
Finally, we would check out any shows and he would show me the room
where everything gets created. After that we say our farewells and I head home.
That would be who I would choose as my famous person, and what we would
do in one day!
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34
Score Point: 3
After introducing the selected person, Walt Disney, and explaining why he was
chosen, this student takes us through the day by describing the planned activities
in a controlled and organized manner, using transitions to move the reader from
one event to the next. While the events are described with some details, much of
the elaboration is couched in very general and repetitious terms (how everything
works, how they made everything, the room where everything gets created).
However, there is sufficient information about each event for this response to be
considered as beyond the highlight level. More development with specific details
would improve this response and lead to a higher score.
35
If I had the chance to meet a famous person who isnt alive today, I would
meet Anne Frank. I would want to spend the day going to all of the places she went
to during World War II.
We would definately go to the attic where her and her family stayed to escape
the Nazis. She could tell me about how she felt when she was hiding and what was
going on around her.
Then, Anne Frank and I could talk more about what was going on during that
time and go to lunch. If there was enough time to visit the concentration camp where
she was held, I would like to go. It would be very interesting and sad to see what this
place looked like. I have seen a few pictures of what it looked like, but I would rather
see it myself.
If we had even more time to do anything, we could do something more fun.
We could go shopping and I could show her around to the different stores. It would
be a great way to end the day.
It would be amazing to meet Anne Frank. She is a very important person in
history. Ive always been interested in the Holocaust, and if I met her, I would be
thrilled. She seemed like such a caring person and she didnt diserve to be treated in
such a harsh way.
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37
Score Point: 3
This response is controlled and focused on spending the day with Anne Frank.
Clusters of ideas (time in the attic, visit to the concentration camp, shopping trip)
are grouped together, and there are some transitions to provide coherence. While
the response is organized and there are few errors, the events are sparsely
elaborated, and therefore, the response remains partially developed. More details
would help the response to achieve a higher score.
38
Score Scale Point 4
The response indicates an ADEQUATE COMMAND of written language. The writing
CONTENT/ Generally will have an opening and a closing. The responses

ORGANIZATION relate to the topic. They have a single focus and are organized.
There is little, if any, difficulty moving from idea to idea. Ideas
may ramble somewhat, and clusters of ideas may be loosely
connected; however, an overall progression is apparent. In some
papers, development is uneven, consisting of elaborated ideas
interspersed with bare, unelaborated details.
USAGE May display some errors in usage, but no consistent pattern is
apparent.
SENTENCE May demonstrate a generally correct sense of syntax. They avoid
CONSTRUCTION excessive monotony in syntax and/or rhetorical modes. There
may be a few errors in sentence construction.
MECHANICS May display some errors in mechanics, but these errors will not
constitute a consistent pattern, nor do they interfere with the
39
If I recieved the chance to meet a famous person in history I would choose
Maya Angelou because Ive heard so many things about her and would like to hear
her views on certain topics. The first thing, Maya and I would do is take a stroll in the
park getting to know each other. Then, we would go to get a bite to eat, my treat of
course. Whatever shes in the mood for. Afterwards, we would just sit for a while
until our delicious lunch has digested completely. Around that time it would probably
be noon. So we would take somemore time talking. I would probably ask her
questions like what does she like to do or anything from her past that could be
beneficial to me. Such as advice on what to do and what not to do.
Next, we would go and catch a movie. Not something that isnt good for both
of us though. After, the movie Maya and I would get some ice-cream or whatever
snack shes into. Then, I would take her to my house to meet my parents as well as
my older and younger siblings. I would then ask her to recite a few poems that she
could remember that meant the most to her. Eventually we would sit down for
supper and I would tell some of my own stories.
Finally, I would get my parents to take us to her lovely home. I would stay for
about another hour just talking, and letting her know how much I enjoyed spending
the day with her. Afterwards, we would take some pictures and then I would head
home. Thinking of all that shes been through and how happy she is now. I would go
to sleep happy, and knowing that Ive finally done something that Ive been wanting
to do forever, that I thought would never happen. It would be one of the best days of
my life.
MAYA AND
ME!!!!
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Score Point: 4
This response is focused on describing a day spent with Maya Angelou. The
response is organized with evident transitions (the first thing, next, finally)
connecting the events as they progress logically throughout the day. The
development of the ideas is adequate but somewhat uneven with specific details
(ice cream, my parents as well as my older and younger siblings) provided in
some places and more general details (anything that could be beneficial, some of
my stories) in others. The syntax is varied and generally correct and there are few
errors, none of which detract from the meaning. Overall, an adequate command of
language is demonstrated.
42
43
Many people have helped our world today get to where we are now. People
have created nations, made an inventions, or help thousands of people. If I got to
spend a day with a famous person in history I would choose the Wright Brothers for
many reasons.
The Wright Brothers made a huge impact on the world today. They created
the first airplane. I would like to meet them because the never gave up. They tried
over and over until they got it right. If people were more like them there would be
many more things in our world today. Also the airplane is one of the greatest
inventions ever. I love airplanes. How they fly and what they have done to improve
them. The Wright Brothers had great perserverance in which I admire.
If I was able to spend a day with them I would do all kinds of things. First I
would like to take them on an modern day airplane. They would enjoy seeing a
modern day airplane. How they are made of metal, the t.v.s, and the servce. Or
maybe see a plane museum with old airplanes. Some old ones, new ones, and fast
ones. They probaly would enjoy seeing how their dream came to life. The most fun
thing that we could do is take a parachute lesson. Fly realy high in an airplane and
then jump out. The view and the feeling of air would be a real jolt for them. They
would realy enjoy being alive today.
Overall spending a day with the wright brothers would be alot of fun. Airplanes
have come a long way since they lived. Many people can learn things from ther
perseverance and dreams.
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45
Score Point: 4
This response opens with a general introduction that sets up the reasons for
choosing the Wright Brothers. These reasons are developed in the second
paragraph and supported with logical explanations. The paragraph describing how
the day would be spent is also adequately developed with specific details. The
conclusion summarizes the importance of the Wright Brothers and their impact on
the world, providing a sense of coherence. The syntax is generally correct, though
there are a few sentence errors as well as usage and mechanics errors. However,
none of the errors detract from the meaning, and there are too few to constitute a
pattern. Overall, the response demonstrates an adequate command of language.
46
Score Scale Point 5
The response indicates a STRONG COMMAND of written language. The writing samples in
this category:
CONTENT/ Have an opening and a closing. The responses relate to the topic
ORGANIZATION and have a single focus. They are organized and progress
logically from beginning to end. The key ideas are developed
with appropriate and varied details. Clusters of ideas are strongly
connected. Some writers take compositional risks and are, for the
most part, successful. Although these papers are flawed, they
have a sense of completeness and unity.
USAGE Have few errors in usage.
SENTENCE Demonstrate syntactic and verbal sophistication through an
CONSTRUCTION effective variety of sentences and/or rhetorical modes. There are
few, if any, errors in sentence construction.
MECHANICS Have few errors in mechanics.
47
I looked at my watch. It was 12:15 p.m as I walked up to the delapidated
apartment. The doors whined when I open them and a rat ran in front of my feet.
I looked up the last name Van Gogh, and the chart said he was in apartment
18B. As I walked up the narrow stairs I wondered how in the world I got an
opportunity to meet such an inspirational man, Vincent Van Gogh.
He looked surprised to see me as he opened the door, I guess he forgot
about the contest. I told him my name was _____ and I had won the contest to
meet him. At that point he seemed like he wasnt listening so I just asked him if I
could accompany him to his painting studio; the people at the contest promised
me.
Reluctantly, he spent about twenty minutes showing me his studio. I was
so fascinated and intrigued by his artistic ability. He seemed so nonchalant
about it that I felt comfortable asking him questions.
After a while he seemed to be warming up to me. We talked more deeply
about his inspiration, his family, and life. We decided to go to lunch, where he
showed me his favorite shops and bakeries.
Five oclock came sooner than I expected, and I had to catch a train back
home. As I was walking to my taxi, the unexpected happened. Vincent Van
Gogh, one of the greatest painters in history, gave me one of his paintings. It
had stars and a city. He said he called it Starry Night or something like that. I
thanked him many times, and I boarded the train. What a fullfilling day, I couldnt
wait to come back and visit.
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49
Score Point: 5
Opening with a vivid description of the start to the day with Van Gogh, this writer
attempts compositional risk by focusing on reactions and emotions to paint a
picture of the visit rather than simply describing events as they happened (he
looked surprised, he seemed so nonchalant, I was intrigued). The syntax is varied
appropriately to create the mood and set the scene. Word choices are precise and
vivid in places (dilapidated, inspirational, nonchalant, fulfilling). While the response
demonstrates a strong command of language, it lacks the sustained development
and sophistication that would be needed for a higher score.
50
51
It was just another ordinary day of school. I was walking down the hallway
gossiping with my best friend, Sam. The bell was about to ring, so Sam went into her
Science class. My spanish classroom, however, was on the total opposite side of the
school. If I was late, my evil maestra would gladly hand me a dention slip. So, of
course, I went into a full sprint. Completely oblivious to everything around me, I
rounded the corner and BAM! I collided with a strange lady and we both fell to the
floor. I asked if she was okay but she didnt reply, she just helped me pick up my
books. As she handed them to me, I noticed she looked extremely familiar. But
where had I seen her? She wasnt a teacher or a lunchaid. And then it hit me.
Oh my gosh, you look just like Amelia Earheart! I told her.
Well Id better, she replied, because thats me.
I was in awe, hadnt she died like a long time ago? Of course, I couldnt just
ask her that. She told me to come with her. The bell had already rang, so I thought
what the heck, its better than detention. She lead me out of the school and, parked
in the lot, in broad day-light, was her airplane. HER airplane, the famous one, the
one that I thought she crashed in. She told me to get in, and I did. And up we went.
This was the coolest thing that ever happened to me.
Um, Amelia? I said nervously.
Yes dear she replied.
Arent you dead? There was no other way to put it.
Yes, dear. But I come back to Earth, to one child who I know I will effect.
Oh, right I said. What else was I supposed to say? So, we spent the rest of
the school day flying all around New Jersey in that tiny plane. She dropped me off at
school just as the last bell rang. My teacher caught me and accused me of skipping
classes.
I didnt, I swear. Amelia Earheart came and flew me all over and it was
great! The teacher gave me a look like I was insane, so I said, look, her planes
right there! But, it wasnt. There was nothing there. So, I ended up with that
detention slip anyway.
52
53
54
Score Point: 5
This student attempts a compositional risk by incorporating the meeting with

Amelia Earhart into an amusing story about an ordinary day at school that became
extraordinary. The story is told with humor and embellished with dialogue, both
internal (But where had I seen her? Hadnt she died like a long time ago?) and
external, that helps the story to progress. A sense of completeness is achieved in
the conclusion by referring back to the detention slip that the narrator had been
trying to avoid in the beginning. The syntax is appropriately varied and there are
few errors in usage and mechanics. Overall, a strong command of language is
demonstrated.
55
56
Score Scale Point 6
The response indicates a SUPERIOR COMMAND of written language. The writing samples
in this category:
ORGANIZATION and have a single distinct focus. They are well-developed,
complete compositions that are organized and progress logically
from beginning to end. A variety of cohesive devices are present,
resulting in a fluent response. Many of these writers take
compositional risks resulting in highly effective, vivid, explicit,
and/or pertinent responses.
USAGE Have very few, if any, errors in usage.
CONSTRUCTION effective variety of sentences and/or rhetorical modes. There will
be very few, if any, errors in sentence construction.
MECHANICS Have very few, if any, errors in mechanics.
57
Incredible! My time machine was now operating. I could travel anywhere,
anytime, or even meet anyone! Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. Meet a
famous person from the past! Perfect. But who? I pondered on who to meet. Of
course, Ben Franklin! I set the dial to 18th Century and plugged in his name. The
telephone-booth-like machine began to rumble, then out of nowhere, a blinding flash
of light. The whirring of the gears slowed down and I then saw a bewildered Ben
Franklin.
Wha-wha-what is this blasted place! he yelled, walking out of my machine.
I smiled widely at my success and answered The year 2007, Mr. Franklin.
He examined the basement that we were in and then stared at me. He then
yelled, Blasphemy!
After a good twenty minutes of explaining to this great inventor what had
happened, he finally took a seat and wiped the sweat off of his forehead with a
handkerchief. I could only imagine how startled he was. He looked at me for a few
seconds.
Very abruptly he said, That thing on your face! I created that!
I was puzzled for a moment before realizing he was talking about my glasses.
I laughed and told him to follow me. He did so warily for he was very cautious in this
futuristic world.
The moment we exited my house he jumped back in amazements. I explained

to him what a car was after he meticulously inspected my mothers.
He mouthed the word Incredible.
The day was spent identifying amazing creations as Mr. Franklin called them.
Hed awe as airplanes flew over us and toyed with my video game consoles. He was
incredibly eager in discovering new inventions that the future held. Refrigerators,
microwaves, televisions, buses, I had to describe them all. My mouth was as dry as
a desert by the time night had come. Throughout the day, Ben continuously said, Is
this a dream?
Id always just smile in response, understanding that he mustve been in shock

the entire day. My toaster nearly gave him a heart attack. Despite how scary his
stay was in the marvelous future he was very reluctant to leave. I had to mention
four times that an object summoned by my machine could only last twelve hours in
the future. It was nearly midnight when I persuaded him to leave. He was pinching
himself even as he disappeared into the past.
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60
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Score Point: 6
In this sophisticated response, the student skillfully uses the idea of time machine
travel to bring Ben Franklin into the present. From the description of the machine
in the opening paragraph through Franklins departure in the closing paragraph,
the story is told with explicit and vivid details (blinding flash of light, mouth was as
dry as a desert). Through the use of precise vocabulary, the student effectively
captures Franklins mixture of emotions from horror, to amazement, to excitement
as he proceeds throughout the day. Sophisticated syntax coupled with the
absence of errors demonstrates a superior command of language.
62
63
As I stepped out into the sunlight, I noticed the large silhouette of Micky Mouse
looming over me. There, standing beside his very own statue, was Walt Disney, my
idol. Every since I was little, much like every child, I had been captivated by Disney
films. They took me to places I had only dreamed of, and taught me life lessons on
family, friendship, and love. So, seeing Walt Disney standing there, waiting for me, is
obviously an experience I will never forget.
So many questions flashed in my mind like lightning, and I took a look around
at the awe-inspiring park this man had not only dreamed but made a realityyet only
one word rolled off my tongue. Wow. We began strolling down Main StreetWalt
admiring his handiwork and me admiring him. We spoke first of dreams, and how a
place so creative and magical could spring from a single mans head. He told me
stories of the characters in his head needingno, wanting to escape and become
known and loved by the world. Cranning my neck to look at the majestic and larger
than life castle, I inquired about his many heroic, lovable characters such as Snow
White and Pinnochio. I asked if he knew about the fantastic movies that were
produced after his deatha tribute to what he had started. Now, it was his turn to
listen as I spoke of faraway places and radical scenes from his movies. The world,
I said, has loved your creations. Youve made a difference in the lives of thousands
of children, and youre an inspiration to dreamers everywhere, myself included.
He turned to me, and pointed at the large castle I had been staring at before.
If you can dream it, he said, facing the gleaming turrets of the towering
building, then anything is possible. You just need creativity, a grand idea, and the
tiniest bit of magic.
I grinned, and gazed at the purple and red sky. The day had passed so
quickly! The glow of the sun was fading fast, and I turned around to thank my idol for
speaking with me. He winked, and before I could even utter the words thank you,
he vanished.
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Score Point: 6
This well-developed, fluent response describing the students encounter with Walt
Disney captures the magic of the occasion through the use of vivid vocabulary
(looming over me, majestic and larger than life, gleaming turrets, glow of the sun
fading fast) and sophisticated syntax (He told me stories of the characters in his
head needing no, wanting . ..). The student achieves a sense of completeness
with the Disneyesque closing (He winked, and before I could utter the words,
thank you, he vanished). Overall, the response clearly demonstrates a superior
67
68
APPENDIX D
TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS

FOR WRITING A PERSUASIVE ESSAY
69


read.
3. Be sure to write your response in your answer folder. Only what you write in your answer
folder will be scored. Write as neatly and clearly as possible in the appropriate space in
your answer folder.
improve your composition. Then, close your test booklet and wait quietly until you receive
further instructions.
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SECURE MATERIAL - DO NOT COPY
Writing Task
Your principal is allowing the students and staff to choose where to go for this years field
trip. Everyone seems to have a different opinion about the best place to visit.
Write an essay in which you try to convince your principal to select the destination you
would choose. Explain where you would like to go and why you think your choice is the
best place for the class to spend the day. Use examples and other evidence to support
your position.
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APPENDIX E
DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASIVE TASK

AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES
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DESCRIPTION OF TASK
The responses selected to appear in this handbook were written by seventh-grade students
who took the persuasive writing section of the May 2008 NJ ASK. The responses appear as
the students wrote them; no corrections have been made other than the deletion of specific
names that appear to identify the student or the students school district. A typed version of
each response appears before the handwritten response.
the range of approaches that seventh-grade students take with this writing task. Each score
criteria.
Students were given 45 minutes to construct a written response to the writing task provided.
Prewriting/planning was encouraged, and space was provided for this endeavor. A Writers
Checklist of important ideas was also provided to encourage students to read, revise, and edit
their written work. All students writing was considered a first draft in this writing process
since students were not permitted to confer with others nor to refer to outside resources
(dictionary or thesaurus) and therefore were unable to rely on the feedback and constructive
suggestions that result from strategies appropriate for classroom instruction. In this way, the
test obtains a sample of each students baseline writing ability within the context of consistent
standards that ensure fairness to all who participate.
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Score Scale Point 1
75
Dear princepal
The place I would like to go is SixFlags because its so Nice Thier. they Have all
differnt Rides you can explore. and they Have great Water parks. and roller coasters
the reason why I think 7th grade should go to Six Flags. is so they could etvendure
New things in Life. and I think all seventh grade would like it cause they mostly Have
roller coasters thier that why I think 7th grade should go to Six Flags
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Score Point: 1
This student attempts to respond to the prompt by choosing a destination for the
field trip (Six Flags) and provides a reason (they have all differnt rides you can
explore) with some specific detail (water park and roller coasters). However, this
same idea is repeated (etventure new things) with the same elaboration (roller
coasters). In addition, the response consists of an assortment of incorrectly
punctuated sentences. Overall, this demonstrates a minimal command of
language.
77
I think we should go to bowling. I chose this because its a fun activity. Its only a
game to have fun. It is a place to hang out with your friends and to play for fun. It
doesnt matter how you bowl, youll still believe yourself, and have fun.
78
Score Point: 1
In this minimal response, the student chooses a destination but fails to make any
other reference to the prompt. The choice of a possible destination is, however,
sufficient to demonstrate that the student has read and understood the prompt.
The response shows no evidence of a plan as the ideas are not connected in a
logical manner and the idea that it would be fun is repeated several times.
Overall, the response lacks the organization and development necessary to
achieve a higher score.
79
80
Score Scale Point 2
The response indicates a LIMITED COMMAND of written language. The writing samples
in this category:
ORGANIZATION exhibit an attempt at organization. In other words, there will be
some evidence the writer attempted to control the details. The
responses relate to the topic, but in some papers, the writer drifts
away from the primary focus or abruptly shifts focus. In other
papers, there is a single focus, but there are few, if any,
transitions, making it difficult to move from idea to idea. Details
are presented with little, if any, elaborationhighlight papers.
out of control.
81
Dear Principal,
I am writing to try to convince you to send the school on a field trip to the liberty
science center its fun and educational. Liberty science center has many activities
from gravity to matter. They have a huge IMAX theater and a decommisioned race
car. Many schools go to liberty science center and come back doing well in their
science classes.
82
Score Point: 2
Although brief, this response is focused on the proposed trip to the Liberty Science
Center. Two reasons are given (fun and educational) with some elaboration for
each (huge IMAX theater, decommissioned race car, students come back doing
well in their science classes). While the response lacks transitions, there is some
attempt to organize the ideas by grouping the fun activities first and then
discussing the educational activities. This is sufficient to demonstrate a limited
83
Mr. Principal there has been some controfersy with where we are going to go for our
field Trip. People want to go here people want to go there. I think we should go to
bush gardens. They have rides.
Mr. Principal many people like rides. We can stay for 2 days 1 night. That
means we can explore. I think the kids would love to go ther, I sure do. If you do not
like my idea we can also go to baltimore. Thats a nice sightseeing place. Mr.
principal can you please talk this over with the teachers and staff. I think the school
would love to go to one of those places.
84
85
Score Point: 2
In this response, the student attempts to focus on the topic by providing two
possible destinations for the class trip (Bush Gardens and Baltimore). There is
some limited detail to support the Bush Gardens suggestion (people like rides, we
can stay for 2 days), but there is no support offered for the Baltimore suggestion,
other than it is a nice place. This limited amount of elaboration represents only a
highlight and would need more detail or more explanation to move this beyond
the highlight level. With an opening, a closing, and some simple transitions, there
is some planning evident.
86
Score Scale Point 3
in this category:
87
Dear Principal _____,
On our class trip this year we should go to Ellis Island, this is the best choice.
Ellis Island is educational and is also very fun for the kids and adults. You first
enjoy a nice ferry ride to the island. On the way you can see the Statue of Liberty
and the city.
At the island the kids can learn about their ancestors and if they were
imigrants who passed through Ellis Island. Many of rooms will put everyone in aw.
You also get to see the barracks where immigrants stay and the infirmary building.
There are many stories of people who were sick that faked to be fine, so they
didnt have to stay at the infirmary. The immigrants were asked many questions
about themselves if they wanted to come into America.
These are just some reasons why we should go to Ellis Island. This is a trip
that the students and the teachers will remember for the rest of their lives. Im sure
you will too. This is a trip within a trip. You get a two for one deal. You can never go
wrong with going to Ellis Island.
Ive got one more thing to add. I have been there once. I loved it, but I only
saw half of it.
88
89
Score Point: 3
This response is clearly focused on the trip to Ellis Island as a possible destination
for the class trip. The two reasons (fun and educational) are elaborated beyond
the highlight level with specific details and explanations (learn about their
ancestors, the Statue of Liberty, the barracks, the infirmary). While the response
lacks transitions, the ideas are elaborated in clearly defined clusters within
paragraphs. The syntax is mostly simple and lacks the variety that would help
improve the fluency of the response. More elaboration and greater fluency would
help this response achieve a higher score.
90
91
This year on my class feild trip I would like to go too The Franklin Institute.
The Franklin Institute is fun and you also learn too. Also this is a good place to go to
because it is close to are school. If the place is too far away then it will take to long
to get there. The Franklin Institute only takes about 30 minutes too get there. The
Franklin Institute is a museum that is soo much fun. You can learn about the planets,
science, Human body parts, and there are shows that you can go see. They are soo
much fun. I remember in 3rd Grade my class went to the Franklin Institute. I had soo
much fun. In the Institute there is an atraction called the giant heart. You walk
through it. It makes sounds and other cool stuff.
There is also another place. I do not remember what it is called but you feel like your
in a movie theater, but your not the screen is all of the walls. It was so cool. There is
also anthor place called the constilations. You sit in a chair. Look up! You will see
this giant screen on top. It shows you a buch of stairs. My favorite thing of them all
is when your walking up the stairs look down. There is a giant pendalum hanging
from the ceiling. it is the coolest thing. I goes back and forth back and forth and
none of the pins ever fall down. I hope that you pick the Franklin Institute as you feild
trip because I know everyone will love it and they will learn a lot. Just like I did.
92
93
94
Score Point: 3
While this response provides a wealth of detail to support the idea that going to the
Franklin Institute would be fun, there are lapses and flaws in the organization of
the information. The second half of the response becomes an elaborated list of
attractions. In addition, there are many evident errors in mechanics and the syntax
is mostly simplistic. Overall, the response demonstrates a partial command of
language.
95
96
Score Scale Point 4

apparent.
97
Dear Mr. _____,
Recently, you have been think hard about where to go for this years field trip.
There are so many places you could go, but the best choice would be going to the
zoo. Reasons why you should take us students to the zoo are: its fun, educational,
and safe/healthy.
To begin with, taking the students to the zoo will be fun. The children will be
amazed to see all of the neat animals. Some children also like the exotic smells of
the zoo. The one thing the children will enjoy the most will probably be buying
souvenirs. Not only will they have a stuffed animal of their choice, but a memory of a
great day.
Also, you should take the students to the zoo because it is very educational.
The students will learn about the different types of animals. Some examples would
be: mammals, reptiles, amphibions, and many other kinds. The students will also
see the type of habitat the animal lives in. They can observe the way the animal
lives. Another fun thing the children can do, is learn abut what each animal eats.
Another reason why you should bring your students to the zoo is because its
safe, and its healthy. The students will be getting exercise by walking to each exhibit.
Also, they will be getting all of the fresh air that they need. This trip is safe as well.
You and the students both know that all of the animals are in cages, so no one will
get eaten.
In conclusion, there may be many places you can go for this trip, but the zoo
will be the best choice. You as the principal should want the best trip for your
students, and a trip that they will always remember. Wouldnt you want your students
going home happy, and telling their parents that you had picked the best trip they
have ever been on.
98
99
Score Point: 4
This response is both controlled and organized. The student clearly states in the
introduction that the zoo would be a good choice and outlines three reasons why
(fun, educational, safe/healthy). A paragraph is devoted to each reason with
evident transitions to move the reader to the next idea. In addition, each reason is
adequately elaborated with some specific details and explanations (exotic smells,
mammals, reptiles, amphibians, will be getting exercise by walking). While there
are some errors, there are not enough to constitute a "pattern and they do not
detract from the meaning. The overall progression of the argument is strengthened
by the thought-provoking rhetorical question which concludes the response.
100
101
Dear Mr. _____,
How would you like a field trip to be fun, beautiful, and educational all at the
same time? Then theres only one solution, the cape may county lighthouse.
You might be thinking, Whats so fun about climbing some stairs? Its not just
climbing some stairs, Its walking up a spiral staircase with a grin on your face and a
determination to get to the top to see the sight thats there.
You might be saying What sight could their be? The sun and sky. You see
that everyday. Thats not the only thing that you see. You see the ant people and
the sun shining down on the sparkeling bay and feel a cool breeze whisping through
your hair on a beautiful spring day. I think the question really is, what is not beautiful
about such a glorious sight!
Now youll ask me, Ok, I see your point for those reasons, but how could that
be educational? Well, surely your not going to take all seven hours of the school
day to climb some stairs. Their is also a nature walk right beside the lighthouse that
has stands that you can read to explain about a specific flower or animal that eats
that flower. Theres also tons of nature and rivers and animals on the nature walk,
and when your done, you can go to the bay and collect cape may dimonds! You see,
you can learn a lot by going to these things.
Other students may wright to you about amusment parks, and fairs, and all
those things, but how could they be educational? Im not saying all those things
arent fun, all Im saying is that my field trip can be educational, fun, and beautiful all
at the same time while those can only be fun. Thank you for your time and
cooperation.
Sincerely, _____
P.S. The cape may lighthouse, nature walk, and bay are right next to eachother!
You dont need a bus to get from place to place, you can walk a few yards to each!
102
103
104
Score Point: 4
This student attempts some compositional risk by adopting a conversational tone

and addressing the reader with questions that are then answered. While some of
the elaboration is vivid (sparkling bay, cool breeze), this level of description is not
maintained throughout the response. One of the weaknesses of the response is
the unevenness of the elaboration. While the positive aspects of the lighthouse are
developed, the description of the nature walk becomes very general and
undeveloped (tons of nature and rivers and animals). Overall, while adequate, the
response lacks the development of ideas needed to achieve a higher score.
105
106
Score Scale Point 5
this category:
107
The sound of a horses hooves clopping over the cobblestone streets mingles
with the smell of delicious eatables and a cool breeze off the harbor. Children laugh,
parents get lost, and guides tell tourists all about the old city of Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania. This is the place to go on our school field trip, Mr. Harrison. It has
history, its fun, and its nearby! What more could you want from a place?!
Philadelphia is rich like a gold mine, full of our nations great history. From the
Continental Congress to a mint, it has it all. The Liberty Bell, with its huge crack, still
hangs proudly on display. The Declaration of Independence (copy) is right there
under glass. Lastly, a mint pours out money daily, giving shredded money out for
free!
A buggy ride is always inviting. To pick out the most beautiful carriage, or
most dashing horse, the suspense is thrilling! Its also fun to see people dressed up
in long dresses and frilly bonnets, full of information about the 1700s. The best part
is the Philly Cheese Steak, though. Who doesnt like good meat slathered in
delicious cheese, and sold piping hot on every street corner? This food is one of the
neccessities if youre going to Philadelphia.
Finally, heres an added bonus with Philadelphia: its nearby! No more than
three hours away in bad traffic, starting early and ending late is no problem! We
could even stay overnight. All day works too, because its so close to home.
So you see, Philadelphia is definitely the best place to go for our school field
trip. For the studentsits fun and entertaining! For the adult chaperones and
teachersits interesting for grown people and its educational. Plus, its not so far
away. I can hear the horse-and-buggys trotting nearer already. Please consider
Philadelphia, its just right for our field trip.
108
109
Score Point: 5
Opening with a vivid introduction that grabs the readers attention, this response
demonstrates a strong command of language throughout. The details are
appropriate and varied (rich like a gold mine, dashing horse, suspense is thrilling,
delicious cheese sold piping hot). While the key ideas are developed, some
details are just listed with a brief sentence about each (the Liberty Bell, the
Declaration of Independence, the mint). In particular, the third paragraph lacks
coherence by opening with the buggy ride, moving to the costumes of the people
and then to the cheese steak. Although the language is vivid, the response lacks
the development needed for a higher score.
110
111
Dear Principal,
Imagine a fierce lion grazing upon a giant stone cliff, roaring for the hunderds
of civilians gazing in its awe. This beautiful scene can be experianced at the close-
by Philidelphia zoo. The Philidelphia zoo would be a wonderful place to go for the
years field trip because it is an adventure, it follows up what were learning in
Science, and it is tremendously cost efficiant.
First of all, exploring the magestic Phillidelphia zoo would be an adventure.
The hunderds of interactive animal exibits would dazzle the students. Also, the
enormous zoo has many places to just learn about the animals habitats. There are
even camel rides that take you through the desert habitat. Along with the camels are
the peddle-powered swan boats that allow you to drift in the peaceful water amongst
a plethora of ducks and swans. In summery, the Philidelphia zoo is an adventure just
waiting to happen.
Secondly, the Feline exibit in the zoo is a follow-up of what we are already
learning In science. The zoos feline Exibit showcases many amazing lions, jaguars,
cheetas, and panthers. There are also a few leopards as well. This jungle-like exibit
includes a detailed documentary, similar to the ones we see in science, as well as an
exibit full of reserchers who plug us in on these beautiful creatures. The feline exibit
is definatly worth veiwing and is the showcase of the zoo.
Finally, the Philidelphia zoo is one of the most inexpensive zoos in the tri-state
area. With an outstanding fee of $15.00, this zoo really out does itself. For such a
small fee, we can cover about 150 amazing exibits. Transportation is not a problem
either. The zoo, being 1 hour away, is simple to get to, via the Pennsylvania
turnpike. A charter bus would be most appropriate and would cost a small fee of
about $5 per child. with a total of $20, this trip is practically a steal.
In conclusion, the Philidelphia zoo would be a reasonable and adventurous place to
go for our field trip. It is totally cost efficiant and coordinates with what were already
learning in science class. The students would educationally benifit from this trip, as
well as have a wonderful time. After all, who said education cant be fun?
112
113
114
Score Point: 5
This moderately fluent response is controlled and the ideas progress logically from
beginning to end. The key ideas (adventure, what we are learning in science, the
cost efficiency) are developed with appropriate specific details and logical
explanations. The syntax is varied and the student makes effective use of
transitions to connect ideas and add to the fluency of the response. Overall, there
is a sense of completeness achieved by the conclusion which culminates in the
question Who said education cant be fun? While a strong command of language
is demonstrated, the response lacks the sophistication in syntax and precision of
word choice that would demonstrate a superior command of language.
115
116
Score Scale Point 6
in this category:
USAGE Have very few, if any, errors in usage.
MECHANICS Have very few, if any, errors in mechanics.
117
For this years field trip, I would very much like to go to New York City. New
York City is a grand place to be; it has been that way for a long time. Everyones
heard of New York City; everyones heard of its fantastic museums, its famous
restaurants, its decked-out streets. We should go to New York City because there are
educational benefits for us, the students, as well as plenty of recreation. The Big
Apple is full of life, and makes for a remarkable trip.
As said before, there are educational benefits in visiting New York City. For all
those science classes, we could go to the Museum of Natural History. There, wed
learn a large number of facts about animals, plants, etc. We could use this wealth of
information to apply to our classes back at school. It has, of course, been proven that
hands-on experience helps maintain interest in the subject, and where better to get
this experience at the museum?
The recreational opportunities in New York City are endless and varied. We
could have lunch at an eatery; New York City is packed with many of those. From
Zagat-rated to family-style, the food is delicious. We could also go to Central Park.
This park is absolutely gorgeous. In fall, the leaves gracefully change color, giving the
park vivid colors. Springtime brings a fresh burst of green, and the visitors are
serenaded by songbirds. By summer, life flourishes in Central Park, with its delicately
carved statues and breathtaking scenery. We could eat lunch in this park, walk
through the park, and study the statues. Central Park is surely a must-see for New
York City.
Another recreational aspect of New York City is the shopping. No, its not
limited to girls. Guys can shop too, for the many electronic gadgets being sold
through all the big stores. There are also clothes for both genders, and books galore!
A quick wander through the life-filled streets provides the base for a major shopping
expedition. In fact, many people go to New York City simply to shop! And not
everything is expensive. You can pick up very cheap products from the smaller
stores, too.
Speaking of price, the field trip itself wouldnt cost a lot. The students should
only pay a small fee for the price of transportation. It is up to you, of course, to decide
whether they bring a bag lunch or buy food. The students can bring their own money
for shopping. Oh, yes, the students can also pay a fee for museums. But for a class
trip, it should be worth an amount of money, dont you think? And luckily, Central
Park is at no cost. All that great scenery is free of charge.
So dont you see, Principal? New York City is the perfect place for our field
trip. Its full of lifeperfect to end the year.
118
119
Score Point: 6
This unified and coherent response provides several well-developed reasons why
New York City would be the ideal choice for the class trip. The vivid description of
Central Park, in particular, and the equally pertinent details provided to explain the
desirable qualities that the city has to offer provide a complete picture of why this
would be a good choice. The students attention to audience with the use of well-
placed asides (No, its not limited to girls. It is up to you, of course) adds to the
strong persuasive tone of the response. The argument progresses logically
through the use of effective transitions and culminates in a brief, but pithy,
conclusion that provides completeness.
120
121
America is filled with a plethora of cultures, heritages, and traditions
unsurpassed by any other nation. A melting pot we are called, and we truly live up
to the title with which we have been bestowed. The rich blend of people we are so
fortunate to be a part of has its roots elsewherein other countries. Most lie across
the sea from where many current Americans ancestors immigrated here from. Their
main point of entry: Ellis Island.
The destination for this years field trip that I have chosen from a list of many
other possible destinations is Ellis Island. Lying between Staten Island and
Manhattan Island in the waters of New York Harbor, it has existed for a century or
more. In the shadow of the statue of Liberty, it is the first piece of American soil that
immigrents from many nations set foot on. The main building, a regal red brick castle
is the first structure the new residents entered through long ago. The roots of
diversity in the United States lie on that minute piece of land outspoken by city
skyscrapers and the everyday boisterous city noises.
Among the multitude of reasons for which I have chosen Ellis Island, one of
them is its educational value and historical importance. Students can learn throngs
of information about Americas history, Americas people, and even their own past.
The museum contains tons of artifacts and factual plaques describing what life was
like at the time when Ellis Island was still operational. The wall containing the
engraved names of many of the immigrants can give students perspective on how
many people truly passed through. It can also provide them with time to reflect on
the past, and maybe their own heritage and history.
The trip to Ellis Island could also prove to be enjoyable and fun, with so many
other places to visit. One example of another point of interest would be the statue of
Liberty. Placed into the soil of Liberty Island long ago, the green bronze figure is a
landmark and a symbol of the American people and nation. It was the first thing that
caught the eye of the immigrants as they sailed into New York, their hearts swirling
with wonder and hope. A climb to the top also provides tranquil and picturesque
views of New York City and the harbor below. Conveniently located near Ellis Island,
it would make for a great excursion.
In conclusion, Ellis Island is my choice for this years field trip. Its historical
importance, educational value, and the amusement factor would make for a terrific
voyage into the past, looking back at America as the melting pot was forming
rapidly, as it continues to today. It is a majestic place, filled with history, memories,
and the hope of a better life as wished by the hordes of people who passed through.
I hope you concur with me on some if not all levels and choose Ellis Island. No one
will be disappointed, guaranteed.
122
123
124
Score Point: 6
From the thoughtful opening paragraph discussing the nature of the American
culture through the equally effective conclusion, this response fully develops the
reasons why the class trip should be to Ellis Island. Key ideas are supported with
explicit and vivid details (regal red-brick castle, boisterous city noises, swirling with
wonder and hope, majestic). The syntax is sophisticated and the few errors that
exist are overwhelmed by the quality of the response as a whole. Overall, this
response demonstrates a superior command of language.
125
GRADE EIGHT
126
APPENDIX A
RUBRIC FOR SCORING STUDENT WRITING
New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric
127
NEW JERSEY REGISTERED HOLISTIC SCORING RUBRIC
FOR WRITING
(Grades 6-8)
In scoring, consider Inadequate Command Limited Command Partial Command Adequate Command Strong Command Superior Command
the
grid of written
language
Score 1 2 3 4 5 6
Generally has
May lack opening May lack opening May lack opening Opening and Opening and
opening and/or
and/or closing and/or closing and/or closing closing closing
closing
Single focus
Single, distinct focus
Attempts to focus Sense of unity and
Minimal response to Usually has single Unified and
May drift or shift Single focus coherence
topic; uncertain focus focus coherent
focus Key ideas
Content Well-developed
developed
and Attempts Some lapses or flaws Logical progression Logical progression
Organization organization in organization Ideas loosely of ideas of ideas
No planning evident;
Few, if any, May lack some connected Moderately fluent Fluent, cohesive
disorganized
transitions between transitions between Transitions evident Attempts Compositional risks
ideas ideas compositional risks successful
Repetitious details
Details random, Details lack Uneven Details effective,
Several Details appropriate
inappropriate, or elaboration, i.e., development of vivid, explicit,
unelaborated and varied
barely apparent highlight paper details and/or pertinent
details
No apparent control Errors/patterns of Some errors that do
Very few, if any,
Usage Severe/numerous Numerous errors errors may be not interfere with Few errors
errors
errors evident meaning
Excessive Variety in syntax Precision and/or
Assortment of Little variety in
Sentence monotony/same Some variety appropriate and sophistication
128
incomplete and/or syntax
Construction structure Generally correct effective Very few, if any,
incorrect sentences Some errors
Numerous errors Few errors errors
No consistent
pattern of errors
Errors so severe they Numerous serious Patterns of errors Very few, if any,
Mechanics Some errors that do Few errors
detract from meaning errors evident errors
not interfere with
meaning
NR = No Response Student wrote too little to allow a Sentence

Content/Organization Usage Mechanics
reliable judgment of his/her Construction
NON-SCORABLE writing.
RESPONSES Communicates Tense formation Variety of type, Spelling
OT = Off Topic/ Student did not write on the intended message Subject-verb structure, and Capitalization
Off Task assigned topic/task, or the student to intended agreement length Punctuation
attempted to copy the prompt. audience Pronouns Correct
Relates to topic usage/agreemen construction
Student wrote in a language other Opening and t
NE = Not English
than English. closing Word
Focused choice/meaning
Logical progression Proper Modifiers
WF = Wrong Format Student refused to write on the of ideas
topic, or the writing task folder Transitions
was blank. Appropriate details
and information
Note: All unscorable responses (NSRs), with the exception of New Jersey Department of Education
NR, must be coded by the Scoring Director
APPENDIX B
TEST ASMINISTRATION MATERIALS

FOR WRITING A NARRATIVE
129


read.
3. Be sure to write your response in your answer folder. Only what you write in your
answer folder will be scored. Write as neatly and clearly as possible in the appropriate
space in your answer folder.
improve your composition. Then, close your test booklet and wait quietly until you
receive further instructions.
130
Writing Task
What a surprise! During the summer you received a letter announcing that your school
band was invited to march in the Orange Bowl Parade in Miami, Florida, on New Years
Eve. Word spread quickly as band members called one another with the great news. Then
you remembered The uniforms! The bands uniforms have needed to be replaced for
some time.
Write a story about how the band members get new uniforms to wear in the Orange Bowl
Parade.
131
132
APPENDIX C
DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

(SPECULATIVE PROMPT) AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES
133
DESCRIPTION OF TASK
The responses selected to appear in this handbook were written by eighth-grade students who
took the narrative writing section of the May 2008 NJASK. The responses appear as the
the range of approaches that eighth-grade students take with this writing task. Each score
criteria.
Students were provided a writing prompt and given 25 minutes to construct a narrative or
story based on the prompt or some aspect of it. Prewriting/planning was encouraged, and
space was provided for this endeavor. A Writers Checklist of important ideas was also
provided to encourage students to read, revise, and edit their written work. All students
writing was considered a first draft in this writing process since students were not permitted
to confer with others nor to refer to outside resources (dictionary or thesaurus) and therefore
were unable to rely on the feedback and constructive suggestions that result from strategies
appropriate for classroom instruction. In this way, the test obtains a sample of each students
baseline writing ability within the context of consistent standards that ensure fairness to all
who participate.
134
Score Scale Point 1
135
We can do a fun raseing and sell candy and get the money for the uniforms and then
we can go to the Bowl in Miami, Florida on New Years Eve.
136
Score Point: 1
There is sufficient detail in this minimal response to show that the student is
attempting to respond to the topic (do fun raseing and sell candy). However, there
is insufficient information overall to show that any planning or organization is
evident. Thus, the response is inadequate.
137
I think they get the new uniforms like they was participated in one concurse. Later
they went to the final and they win the final and that way they going to go to the
Orange bowl Parade. They going to represent they school.
138
Score Point: 1
This student attempts to respond to the topic by describing how the band made it
to the Orange Bowl Parade. However, the error in the use of the word concurse
makes it difficult to follow the meaning of the response. Too few details are
present to allow the reader to understand what the student was trying to say,
which keeps this response at the inadequate level.
139
140
Score Scale Point 2
The response indicates a LIMITED COMMAND of written language. The writing samples in
this category:
ORGANIZATION exhibit an attempt at organization. In other words, there will be some
evidence the writer attempted to control the details. The responses
relate to the topic, but in some papers, the writer drifts away from the
primary focus or abruptly shifts focus. In other papers, there is a
single focus, but there are few, if any, transitions, making it difficult
to move from idea to idea. Details are presented with little, if any,
elaborationhighlight papers.
out of control.
141
I didnt want to be blamed for our uniforms, so I planned to get them quietly and give
them to the band as a suprise. I searched the internet for a site I could buy uniforms
from and when I found one, I called the School treasurer to make sure we had the
money to. We did, so I ordered the uniforms and suprised the band with them. They
were happy. The end.
142
Score Point: 2
This brief response provides a sequence of events undertaken by the narrator to

secure uniforms for the band (searched the internet, called the school treasurer,
ordered the uniforms, surprised the band with them). There is some attempt to
organize the response by recording the events in a logical sequence connected by
simple transitions (so, when). However, the events are minimally elaborated on,
which makes this a highlight paper.
143
It was a very broning summer school just ended 13 weeks ago. Ive been wating for my
report card to come in since I dont have nothing else better to do I mean It is a broning
summer in all. So the next day the mail came and It finally had my report card in it had
a letter that announc that the band and I is invited to march in the Orange Bowl Parade
in Miami, Florida, but it was on New Years Eve so that means I have to wate so thats
what made my summer.
It was tow days away from the big day until I remember- The unifroms. I had all this
time but no unifrom so I got up so fast so I can call my mom an tell her but she didnt
answer. So now what the only chose I have is to use my own money that I been saving
up for some new shoes. So I had to use my money so I can get the uniform before I
leve to go to Miami, Florida. It was the big day alot of good bands there the band and
me was trying to bring home the 1st place
144
145
Score Point: 2
This student attempts to focus on the topic of the need for new uniforms, but the
first paragraph is focused more on the summer and how boring it is. The abrupt
shift to the two days before the big day occurs without transition as does the shift
to the day itself. The lack of transitions, coupled with the presence of numerous
serious errors in sentence construction and usage, indicates a limited command of
language.
146
Score Scale Point 3
in this category:
147
What a suprise! I scream while I received a letter. It was the summer of freashman
year that the school band got an amazing oppertunity. An invite to march in the
Orange Bowl Parade in Miami, Florida, on New Years Eve. The news spead so
quickly everyone knew. But, then I remembered the uniforms. They were dredful
and needed to be replaced, so the band held a meeting for this issue. We all
brainstormed and finally came up with a conclusion. We would have a car wash and
charge $5 each car, trucks and S.U.Vs would be $7. After we decided that it would
be held every Sunday at my house. We would do it for a month and put flyers all
around town saying where, why, and the time. It was a sucess we earned about
$1,000 in two weeks. Now, our school band will be going in beautiful uniforms that
represent how hard we worked together to get here and look outstanding for the
crowd.
148
149
Score Point: 3
This sparse, but controlled, narrative has a single focus (having a car wash to
raise money for the uniforms). There is sufficient elaboration to move the response
beyond the highlight level (charge $5 for each car, trucks and S.U.Vs would be
$7, would be held every Sunday). The details are organized and linked by
transitions. Overall, there is sufficient elaboration to indicate a partial command of
language.
150
Hey Joe did you hear that our band made it into the Orange Bowl Parade in
Miami, Florida on New Years Eve.
Whoa I cant believe it, are you serious Tom?
No Im not lying, you can ask anyone on the marching band.
It was summer time and school was over. Even though the marching band
was not going to start until for another few months Joe and Tom had always talked
about it and were saddened when the season was over the previous year.
Do you want to give the good news to the rest of the band members? asked
Tom.
Sure.
So Tom and Joe held a marching band meeting, and gave the exciting news to
them. However during the meeting one of the band members brought up a very
good valid point.
But dont we need new uniforms because our old ones are pretty bad, said
Frank.
Then all the excitement started to lower in the room until there were no more
smiling faces.
Wait I know we could raise the money by having a car wash, said another
member of the band.
The whole marching band agreed with this kid and a week later they had
their own little car wash. At first there were no cars coming in. As matter of fact they
had waited for over an hour till the first car came. Then after that the cars just kept
coming one after the other. It took about two-four, hours to get the amount of money
needed. Then when it was done Joe said to Tom Well we finally did it. Then all the
band members started to jump with joy.
151
152
Score Point: 3
While this response uses dialogue to tell much of this story, a strategy which could
be successful, there are too few details provided within the dialogue to provide
much elaboration of the ideas, so that the response becomes a series of
highlights. However, enough details are supplied when describing the car wash to
move the response beyond the highlight level. Overall, the response is organized
and controlled, but there is not enough elaboration for this to be described as
adequate.
153
154
Score Scale Point 4

apparent.
155
I remember the day like it was yesterday, the day I got the most wonderful
phone call of my life. It was the day I found out that our school band would be going
to the Orange Bowl Parade in Miami Florida. As the word spread amongst band
members, excitment grew and grew. Not only did we get to miss school, but we got
to perform on National TV. It was as though we were on cloud 9 drifting higher and
higher as things got better and better.
Guys wait, Lidia, our lead tuba player explained, our uniforms ... they need
to be repleaced. A tone of sorrow fell into her voice as she and the rest of us hoped
off our cloud and floated back to earth, as we realized we couldnt go unless we got
enough money to buy new uniforms.
Wait guys, I have an idea, I explained to them, what if we have a
fundraiser.
Yea great idea, Jimmy shouted. As he continued our plan developed. We
decided we would have a carwash, clean instruments and sell choclate bars, candies
and cupcakes at school. Slowly the money began pouring in and before we knew it
we had enough money for the nicest uniforms in school history. They were great,
had our school and mascot even on them. We were so proud and when we arrived
in Miami, we were pleased to find that we fit right in. At the end, I think we were all
back on our cloud.
156
157
Score Point: 4
This focused, controlled response describes in detail the bands reactions as the
mood changes from elation (it was as though we were on cloud 9) to despair (a
tone of sorrow fell into her voice) and back to elation (we were all back on our
cloud) as the story progresses. There is sufficient elaboration throughout, and
while there are errors, none of them interfere with the meaning. Overall, this
represents an adequate command of language.
158
159
What a delightful surprise! Today is the first day of school and weve already
recieved the great news. Our school band, the _____ _____, have been invited to
march in the Orange Bowl Parade in Miami, Florida similar to different marching
bands marching in Times Square in New York. Word quickly spread around school
about our invitation and the band has been getting great praise all day.
By fifth period, all the band members were told to report to the band room for a
brief meeting. We all discussed the upcoming event, but then someone brought up
the subject of what we were going to wear. Our uniforms have not been replaced in
nearly twenty years! We all began to worry. How we were supposed to make a good
impression parading around in uniforms that had a terrible stench of left-over school
lunch?
The meeting lasted longer than originally planned. We all put our heads
together and came up with the idea of a fund raising car wash. It was scheduled for
that Saturday. Everyone had to be there or else you werent able to march. I made
sure I was there.
After the busy car wash we found that we raised enough cash to purchase
new updated uniforms. Ones that didnt smell like old school lunch and the lunch
ladies who prepared it. We were so excited and couldnt wait until our big debut!
When New Years arrived we made sure that we were all prepared and ready
to show our stuff. We have been practicing long hours and it was time to prove it!
160
161
Score Point: 4
This adequately controlled and organized response provides sufficient elaboration

with some specific details (terrible stench of left-over school lunch) to describe the
bands response to the news. The events are described chronologically, and
transitions between them are evident (by fifth period, after the busy car wash,
when New Years arrived). There are few errors and there is some variety in the
syntax, but the response lacks the development overall that would be needed for a
higher score.
162
Score Scale Point 5
this category:
163
My name is _____ _____, and I am a member of my schools marching band.
My schools performance in numerous competitions have provided us with an
oppurtunity to perform at the Orange Bowl Parade. At once, the members of the
band and I jumped at the chance. By performing, we would bring pride to our
school, along with prestige and honor. There is only one problem keeping us
from acting on this offer. Our school uniforms are lacking in vivid coloring and
school spirit. We could not perform looking shabby now, could we? In order to
participate in the parade, my band and I must find a way to procure new
uniforms, and we know just the way to do it!
We have proposed to hold many school activities and fund raisers, in order to
benefit our cause. The total cost of the new uniforms, for all members of the
band, is 2,000 dollars. With these fund raisers, and hopefully some donations
from our faculty, and our parents, we are hopeful that we will reach our common
goal.
The first activity we propose at our school, is a food stand at the football
games. This has proven to be an efficient way to earn money in the past, so we
all trust it will be efficient again. By using cafeteria food at our stand, we will not
have to spend any money, and the profits will come in. After the football game
on Friday, our profits sky rocket. We have $500 and more ideas to go.
We sell school apparel, that was given to us by the office. This, along with
donations, helps us get to our goal. The band now has $1,900, and is obviously
100 dollars short. The members and I chip in a little money each, and
surprisingly, we reach our goal! The band has come together to buy uniforms,
and because of the work we put in, we have become more of a union. Our
uniforms arrive, and we are ready to shock the parade with our astounding
music.
164
165
Score Point: 5
In this moderately fluent response, the student develops all the key ideas
describing how the problem of the band uniforms was solved. Details are
appropriate and specific (donations from faculty and parents, sell cafeteria food,
sell school apparel). The syntax is varied and the student makes effective use of
rhetorical questions for emphasis. Some more precise word choices (shabby,
prestige, union) further enhance the response. Overall, the response
demonstrates a strong command of language.
166
167
Children scurrying everywhere trying to get to this ride and the next. Adults chasing
their kids wherever they go. Cotton candy in one hand popcorn in the other. Melted
snow cones all over babies faces. This carnival was a hit! We were having a
carnival to help raise money for the schools band uniforms and by the look of the
carnival we would be able to get band uniforms and football uniform as well!
Everything was going better than planned. The fun house was filled. The love
ride was packed. And the clown was mauled. It is great, I said to my brother.
Good work, he congradulated.
Yup, I did really well. Until it all went down hill.
Boom! Thunder roaded and lightning flickered in the sky. Thunder and
lightning were wrecking a carnival that was planned for weeks in a minute. The two
trouble twins were at it again!
The carnival is ruined, I thought. All the families were running in the school
gym for cover. Everyone was soaked. Some people were even asking for their
money back. It was terrible.
Then, in the midst of it all my brother shouted, Hey, we can still have the
carnival in here! I doubted it at first, but people started to come to their senses and
they agreed. So we made a new carnival inside. We had some basketballs in the
gym closet so we took those out and had a shooting contest. Since, we had those
little blue scooters in there also, we had relay races. It wasnt so bad after all.
The lightning and thunder didnt stop us and we had enough money to get the
band new uniforms, the football team new uniforms, and the chess team new boards.
It turned out great all thanks to my brother and myself.
168
169
170
Score Point: 5
A clear plan is evident in this moderately fluent response. The student opens with
a vivid description of the carnival plans going awry because of the thunderstorm
while at the same time letting the reader know the reasons behind the carnival.
Effective use of descriptive language (Children scurrying, melted snow cones,
lightning flickered) provides vivid details. The student also uses literary devices
such as onomatopoeia (boom!) and alliteration (two trouble twins) to further
enhance the response and demonstrate a strong command of language. Although
there is some variety in the syntax, it lacks the sophistication that would
demonstrate a superior command of language.
171
172
Score Scale Point 6
in this category:
CONTENT/ have an opening and a closing. The responses relate to the topic
USAGE have very few, if any, errors in usage.
SENTENCE demonstrate syntactic and verbal sophistication through an
MECHANICS have very few, if any, errors in mechanics.
173
Band class was buzzing on the first day of school. There was a lot to be done
in the next three months, as we were going to march in the Orange Bowl Parade on
New Years Eve! Our band teacher, Mr. Ren, was talking in his usual monotonous
voice about how wonderful it was to receive such an honor and how we were the
pride of the school when Missy Smith, the most fashion-obsessed girl in our class,
raised her hand and said, while smacking her gum loudly, Um, Mr. Ren? What are
we going to do about our uniforms? We cant possibly wear our ratty old suits to play
in front of the entire country!
It was true. Our old band uniforms, which looked like something out of that
scene in the Nutcracker where all the toy soldiers fight the mice, had needed to be
replaced for some time. The sequined hats were musty and torn and the shiny brass
buttons were falling off of the coats After some discussion, we decided to have a
bake sale to raise money for our new uniforms.
Although the bake sale was a rousing success, what followed was anything
but successful. Since we had the money, our class got into a heated debate about
what the uniforms should look like. Missy decided we should get bright pink and gold
sequined tops and matching pants, with a picture of our school mascot, the gopher,
printed on the top. There was no way I was wearing sequined pants and most of the
class agreed. Some kids suggested army uniforms or orange jump suits as jokes,
and no one could agree on wether or not we should wear feathered hats. The
discussion was going nowhere as winter break rapidly approached, and even worse,
as we wasted time in class arguing, the music we were playing began to sound even
more sour.
Finally, a week before New Years, we hadnt reached a conclusion. We went
home for break discouraged and disheartened Then, on our rehearsal on Christmas
Eve, Mr. Ren said he had a surprise for us. After a long rehearsal full of
apprehension, he presented us with green Hawaiin shirts and gold sunglasses. He
had even bought each of us a synthetic flowered lei. They were perfect for a parade
in Florida! Everyone agreed so, even Missy Smith. On New Years Eve, we marched
in the Orange Bowl Parade in style. I still believe we had the most creative uniforms
out of any band there.
174
175
176
177
Score Point: 6
This well-developed narrative describing problems the members of the band were
having - agreeing on new uniforms - is vividly told with pertinent and explicit
details throughout (his usual monotonous voice, fashion-obsessed girl, while
smacking her gum loudly, hats were musty and torn, synthetic flowered lei).
Precise word choices enhance the mood (band class was buzzing, heated debate,
discouraged, disheartening, apprehension). The story progresses logically through
the skillful use of effective transitional words and phrases (what followed was
anything but successful, as winter break rapidly approached). The syntax is both
varied and sophisticated which enhances the fluency and coherence of the
response. Overall, a superior command of language is demonstrated.
178
179
It seemed like any normal day in _____, New Jersey; just a typical winter day
in the suburbs, all was quiet, the streets were empty, the sky was grey and there was
frost covering the ground. As I sat in my room attempting to clean the pigsty, the
phone rang. Ill let someone else get it, I thought to myself. A few minutes later, my
mom knocked on my door.
Ally, Francesca is on the phone for you. She says it is really important, she
said from the other side of the closed door.
Okay, Ive got it, I replied.
Hello? I said as I picked up the phone.
Ally, have you heard?! Wow! This is the best day ever! Do you know? Who
told you? Can you believe it? This is incredible! Im so excited! Francesca blurted
out.
Woa. Fran slow down! Everything you just said went in one ear and out the
other. I dont know what you are talking about, I said with a laugh.
WE ARE GOING TO PLAY IN THE ORANGE BOWL PARADE!! OUR BAND
GOT PICKED! she screamed. MIAMI, FLORIDA, AL!
Are you serious?! I managed.
Dead serious. The parade is New Years Eve! Anyway, I thought I should let
you know! Gotta Run! She hung up.
I was speechless. I couldnt believe we were picked! I should start packing, I
thought. New Years is only a couple weeks away. As I walked into my closet, I
realized a major problem which could have a major effect on the parade. Uniforms, I
thought. We havent had new ones since 1986!
When school came around the next Monday, our marching band had a
meeting. Even with all of the fundraisers we had this year, that would only cover half
of the cost of new uniforms. After running through lists of ideas, we all agreed upon
one we really liked. We would have a mini carnival. One of the members said they
had a Moon bounce from years ago and others said their parents could bake cookies
and snacks as well as help make simple carnival games. We set the date for the
next Friday and went home to start with all of the preparations.
Next Friday came and went and fortunately, the _____ High School Marching
band raised more than enough money for new uniforms and a new school banner.
With all of our success in raising enough money, it raised our spirits even more. On
New Years Eve, in the Orange Bowl Parade, not only did our band sound amazing,
but we looked great too! In our shiny new blue, white, and silver uniforms, parade-
goers tossed our comments on our uniforms and complimented us on our great style.
Overall, the experience of the New Years Eve parade was completely unforgetable.
180
181
182
Score Point: 6
Opening with a dramatic description of receiving the news about marching in the
Orange Bowl parade that is skillfully told through the use of dialogue, this well-
developed response sustains the narrative through the solving of the problem of
the uniforms through to the day of the parade itself. The details provided are both
pertinent and explicit. The student effectively varies the syntax to enhance the
mood using short choppy sentences as the narrators mind races (I should start
packing I thought. Uniforms, I thought) juxtaposed with more complex sentences
as the mood relaxes. Overall, a superior command of language is demonstrated.
183
184
APPENDIX D
TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS

FOR WRITING A PERSUASIVE ESSAY
185


read.
3. Be sure to write your response in your answer folder. Only what you write in your answer
folder will be scored. Write as neatly and clearly as possible in the appropriate space in
your answer folder.
improve your composition. Then, close your test booklet and wait quietly until you receive
further instructions.
186
SECURE MATERIAL - DO NOT COPY
Writing Task
Your town has decided to set a summer curfew from June 1st through August 31st.
Teenagers younger than age 16 will be banned from downtown areas and shopping
centers between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless accompanied by an adult. Teenagers who
violate this curfew will be held at a local police station until an adult picks them up. This
new summer curfew has created a controversy in your community. You decide to write a
letter to the local newspaper expressing your opinion on the new summer curfew.
Write a letter to the local newspaper either supporting or opposing the new summer
curfew that bans teenagers younger than age 16 from downtown areas and shopping
centers between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless accompanied by an adult. Use reasons, facts,
examples, and other evidence to support your position.
187
188
APPENDIX E
DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASIVE TASK

AND SAMPLE STUDENT RESPONSES
189
DESCRIPTION OF TASK
The responses selected to appear in this handbook were written by 8th-grade students who
took the persuasive writing section of the May 2008 NJ ASK. The responses appear as the
the range of approaches that eighth-grade students take with this writing task. Each score
criteria.
Students were given 45 minutes to construct a written response to the writing task provided. .
Prewriting/planning was encouraged, and space was provided for this endeavor. A Writers
Checklist of important ideas was also provided to encourage students to read, revise, and edit
their written work. All students writing was considered a first draft in this writing process
since students were not permitted to confer with others nor to refer to outside resources
(dictionary or thesaurus) and therefore were unable to rely on the feedback and constructive
suggestions that result from strategies appropriate for classroom instruction. In this way, the
test obtains a sample of each students baseline writing ability within the context of consistent
standards that ensure fairness to all who participate.
190
Score Scale Point 1
191
Dear Newspapper I think it will be a good thing to do because kids wont get in
trouble. Their will be less vandlelism. Parents will know where their kids are. Insted
of geting into drinking and Drugs.
So i think this is a good idea for kids. Think we should have a vote for the
parents.
192
Score Point: 1
In this minimal response, the student provides three bare, unelaborated reasons to
support the proposed curfew. Although there is an attempt at a conclusion, the
closing sentence is followed by the introduction of a new idea (we should have a
vote for the parents), which demonstrates a lack of planning. Overall, the response
is insufficiently sustained to demonstrate more than an inadequate command of
language.
193
Dear, local newspaper I think the new curfew is unfair to us teenagers because, say I
was to finish up a summer project and I needed supplies for it but I cant go to any of
the stores. I think the curfew would be better if the curfew was not so long. And
another reason why the curfew is unfair people cant go into stores to home supplies
and other supplies.
194
Score Point: 1
In this response the student attempts to respond to the topic by providing a couple
of reasons opposing the curfew; however, the second reason merely repeats the
same idea as the first one, the need to buy supplies. In addition, there are serious
errors in sentence formation, indicating an inadequate command of language.
195
196
Score Scale Point 2
The response indicates a LIMITED COMMAND of written language. The writing samples
in this category:
ORGANIZATION exhibit an attempt at organization. In other words, there will be
some evidence the writer attempted to control the details. The
responses relate to the topic, but in some papers, the writer drifts
away from the primary focus or abruptly shifts focus. In other
papers, there is a single focus, but there are few, if any,
transitions, making it difficult to move from idea to idea. Details
are presented with little, if any, elaborationhighlight papers.
out of control.
197
I dont think that they should have a curfew because what if a kid has to go
to a store to get food and no one can take him because his parents are sick.
What if you live 5 houses down from your friends house you cant walk ther you
will need an adlut thats stupid. What would happen if a bugler comes in to your
house and it is just your kid who is 13 yeas old he would have to run out side.
Thats way I dont think our town should make a curfew.
198
Score Point: 2
This brief response in opposition to the curfew provides a couple of highlighted

hypothetical scenarios that illustrate why the curfew would be a problem. Some
detail is provided within each scenario (to get food, parents are sick, a bugler
comes, the kid is 13 years old). Brief opening and closing statements demonstrate
an attempt to organize the response. Overall, there is sufficient information to
demonstrate a limited command of language.
199
Dear local newspaper,
I heard that teenagers younger than 16 arent permitted to be by the

downtown or shopping areas between 9 pm and 6 am without an adult. I think
that rule should be changed.
The reason why I, think that rule should be changed because the downtown
and shopping areas are for everyone. I think if a person younger than 16 is shopping
between 9 pm and 6 am they should be allowed. As long as there not getting into
trouble or hanging out on the street with their friends they should have the right to be
there.
Why would a person younger than 16 shopping between those hours wouldnt
be allowed there? If the person has permission to be there and their not with a adult
they should be able to be there. There shouldnt be a rule that a person of any age
cant be there, and they probaly wont listen and they will still be there, and the cops
and other people arent gonna be there 24/7 to watch whos there. Also, some
people might lie about there age. These are my reasons why I feel this way about
this rule.
200
201
Score Point: 2
Despite the apparent length of this response, there is little evidence of an attempt
to control and organize the details. Once the student has established a clear
position opposing the curfew, the organization deteriorates into a jumble of
restatements of the position (there shouldnt be a rule) and statements that are
unconnected by transitions and there is no logical order for them. In addition, there
are numerous serious errors in both sentence formation and usage, demonstrating
a limited command of language.
202
Score Scale Point 3
in this category:
203
Dear local Newspaper,
My town has decided to set a summer curfew from June 1st to August 31st.
During this time teenagers younger than age 16 will not be able to go downtown from
9 pm. to 6 am unless with an adult. I am strongly opposed to this idea.
Many kids that are 13, 14, 15 years of age stay up later than 9 pm. They can
take care of themselves. It is just as likely that a 15 year old will do something wrong
that a 16 year old will. Most kids in town that late, just want to see a movie or get
something to eat.
Late at night kids are much more more safe downtown then anyother outdoor
place. Its lit up 24/7 there are many kids and people they know. People and police
around them keeping them safe and keeping them from doing anything bad. Rather
than having police searching for kids breaking curfew, they should be protecting them
from other dangers.
Sincerley,
204
205
Score Point: 3
Although this response is somewhat sparse, it is focused and the details opposing
the curfew are both controlled and organized. Both reasons are supported with
sufficient detail to move the response beyond the highlight level and the ideas
progress logically. However, while there is sufficient information to demonstrate
partial command, more elaboration would be needed for this response to achieve
a higher score.
206
207
Dear Newspaper Editor:
In our community, there is a controversy taking place. The town is deciding on

having a curfew from June first through August thirty-first. All the teenagers younger
than sixteen will be banned from downtown areas and shopping centers between
nine pm until six a.m except if theyre accompanied by an adult. If any teenagers do
not obey this curfew, they will be taken to the local police station until an adult picks
them up.
In my opinion, I support this new summer curfew. This curfew would keep
many kids safe if they obey this curfew. However, I agree with the rule, but I do not
agree with the punishment. I think the punishment should first be two warnings.
Then, the third time the teenagers could be taken to the police station.
Without a doubt, we all want teenagers to be safe, but I think two warnings is
good enough. What if the person didnt know about the curfew? Our community
would be unfair by taking a teenager to the police station when they didnt even know
about the curfew. Therefore I support the law, but should change the punishment.
As I previously stated, the law would keep the teenagers more safe. This
curfew could also lower the violence taking place on our communities today. Seventy
percent of the violence in the towns and communities are started with teenagers or
gangs. If we take this curfew to action Im sure that we would set a better example
for future teenagers and kids.
Knowing this, Im truly supporting this curfew. I hope that with this new rule
there will be less people in the hospitals and more people in schools hoping to
achieve success for future generations to come. This whole community could make
a big difference just by approving this curfew. In conclusion, I think that the
community should support this curfew by banning teenagers younger than sixteen
from downtown areas and shopping centers from nine p.m until six a.m in the
summer.
208
209
Score Point: 3
While this response has a general organizational framework, a slight drift in focus
to a discussion about the inappropriateness of the punishment weakens the
overall progression of the argument. One reason given to support the curfew is the
idea of keeping kids safe. This is mentioned a couple of times, but remains
undeveloped. However, the idea about lowering violence is sufficiently developed
to move the response beyond the highlight level, but insufficient to demonstrate an
adequate command.
210
Score Scale Point 4

apparent.
211
Dear Sir,
This is rediculous. A 9 p.m.- 6 a.m. curfew for teens younger than 16? This
could very well be the worst idea ever. whether they are clear to you or not, there are
many reasons why this is a bad idea. This needs to be changed.
Lets say a group of teens wants to see a movie one night. Do you suggest
they come around noon to see it? Every one knows that the best time to watch
movies is late at night. Movie theaters thrive economically through young teens. If
the kids cant go, the business will be doomed.
Also, kids love to go and hang out at stores at night. Stores also do well when
kids shop there. By depriving kids this option, the stores will hurt economically.
Additionally, put yourself in the kids position. How would you feel if you
wanted to hang out, but couldnt due to an absurd law. Obviously, this law wasnt
made by a child. But did they stop and think how todays youth feels about this law?
I doubt it.
Next, you need to change the early mourning curfew. Some children may like
to get up early and take walks around town. Do we really need to eliminate that? of
course not. In my opinion, by making this law they have become control freaks.
If the children want to go out at this time, so be it. Why should the adults have
say in this? Most kids won't be doing bad things during this time. By doing this, you
are depriving the youth freedom. I myself am under 16, and believe this law isnt fair.
If I want to go out after 9, that should be my choice, not someone elses.
Sincerly,
212
213
Score Point: 4
In this response the student adopts a strong persuasive tone (this is ridiculous) to
develop the argument opposing the curfew. The response is organized with
evident transitions that connect the ideas and provide an overall sense of
progression. While some ideas are elaborated (watching movies at night), others
are sparsely elaborated (kids hanging out at stores) causing the development to
be uneven. While there are errors, they do not interfere with the meaning and are
not so numerous that they constitute a pattern. Overall, the response is sufficiently
developed and organized to demonstrate an adequate command of language.
214
215
Dear town:
9 p.m. is relatively early for a teenager during the summer. Most teenagers
leave their homes at 9 p.m. to hang out with their friends in the summer. Having a 9
p.m. curfew would compromise these teenagers plans. Eventually the teens and
their parents would become unhappy if they have to stay home. Also, teenagers
dont want to have their parents hanging around with them when they are with their
friends.
9 p.m. is relatively early for a teenager during the summer. Although the sun
may be gone and the moon high in the sky, teenagers are just making their plans for
the night. They like to go to the movies and go to the mall late at night. They
especially do not want to go to the police station for having fun late at night.
Having the teenagers make their parents tag a long with them and their friends
just to stay out late will be torture for the kids and the parents. No teenager wants to
or needs to have their parents around when they are with their friends somewhere.
In addition, some families might move away from town to a town where there is no
curfew. This could happen because the parents and their children will become upset
if they have to be together all the time.
Finally, teenagers should be allowed to stay out as late as they wish as long
as they arent disturbing anything. Teenagers are becoming adults, and need to
learn how to handle themselves, and how to make their own decisions. If their
parents are there always making decisions for them then how will they survive in the
real world?
Ultimately this town has a lot to offer young people late at night, and if you
take it away they will live boring and unenjoyable lives. The curfew will kill all the late
night fun of being out on the town for teens. It would be devastating to take that
away.
216
217
Score Point: 4
While this response opposing the curfew is adequately controlled and organized,
the development of the key ideas lacks the specific details that would help the
response achieve a higher score. The syntax has some variety and is generally
correct, but word choices lack the precision (anything, somewhere, something)
that would demonstrate a strong command of language.
218
Score Scale Point 5
this category:
219
To whom it may concern,
I strongly oppose the curfew. During the Summer, kids have a lot of free time
and most teenagers spend their time downtown and in shopping centers. At 16, most
teenagers are driving and do not need to be watched over by an adult. Also, the
town is a very safe community and there are no safety issues with teenagers staying
out.
When school is out, teenagers have mostly nothing to do. They usually hang
out at shopping centers like malls and in downtown areas. With a curfew in effect,
the teenagers will not be able to do anything. They will not be able to hang out with
friends, get food from food courts in malls, or support local stores by buying their
products. The curfew is an iron curtain that blocks teenagers from having fun.
Adult supervision is not always necessary. After teenagers turn 16, most get
cars and become very independent. With a car, teenagers can come back at
whatever time they want. In the Summer, most kids come back home after 9:00 P.M.
anyway, even if they didnt go to a mall. Also, at 16 teenagers are more responsible
and mature. They will not do the same things or commit the same actions as they did
when they were younger.
Our town is one of the safest communities around In a local report by the
goverment, our town has absolutely no drugs or alchol, and we have a 0% crime rate.
The report shows that the curfew is uneccssery and the only thing it prevents is fun.
None of the teenagers in our town have criminal backgrounds, and all of them are
very responsible. If people think that the curfew will help in any way they are
completely wrong.
Overall, the only thing the curfew will do is ensure a good nights sleep. Our
town is extremely safe, even after 9:00 P.M. most of our teenagers drive and come
back after 9:00 P.M. anyway, and if there is a curfew most teenagers will be bored
out of their mind! It is plainly visible that the Summer curfew is not needed and will
most likely not be adhered too by the teenagers if it is put into effect.
Sincerely
220
221
Score Point: 5
This moderately fluent response is tightly controlled with three developed reasons
opposing the curfew provided. The details are specific (get food form food courts,
support local stores by buying their products, no drugs or alcohol, 0% crime rate).
The ideas progress logically from an effective opening to an equally effective
conclusion. Syntactic variety and some precise word choices (iron curtain, plainly
visible, responsible and mature), indicate a strong command of language.
222
223
Dear Editor,
I agree with the newly instituted curfew. I agree with this new law for
many reasons. Some examples of these reasons are that kids cannot just be
picking up groceries because they cannot drive, and because in my experience,
kids in downtown areas late at night are usually causing trouble.
One reason that this curfew is reasonable is that kids do not have much of
a purpose to be just hanging around in the town. Unless they are going to a
movie or getting something to eat, their is no reason for them to be there. And in
both cases listed above, they will be inside, and not hanging around in the street,
so they would not be breaking the newly created curfew. It is not as if the kids
would be there picking up groceries for their parents, because at that age, they
are unable to drive. This is one reason that the newly instituted curfew is a good
idea.
Another reason why I agree with the curfew comes from my own
experience. In my experiences, kids who are just standing around in town late at
night, are usually causing trouble. Whether they are disturbing the peace, being
loud, annoying the shop owners, or even vandalizing, usually no good comes
from kids in town late at night. For example, I have witnessed kids walking down
downtown area streets, yelling late at night. They were not only keeping people
from their sleep, and disturbing shop owners, but they were also disturbing local
citizens trying to peacefully shop and go about their business. If there were
police officers patrolling the streets and stopping kids from doing this, than this
incident would never have happened. This is another reason why this curfew is
necessary.
The curfew would also be useful to weak parents who have trouble
controlling their kids. If parents cannot come up with sufficient reasons, or their
kids are extremely rebellious so they sneak out, then the parents would be
unable to keep their kids from the downtown area. They cannot report them
missing because the parents would know where they are, but they would also
have lots of trouble forcing the kids to go back home. with the curfew, it would
be illegal for kids to defy their parents and go out, so this would stop a lot of it
from happening. Also, if kids sneak out while their parents are asleep, then there
would be nothing stopping the children from doing this and from staying
downtown. But with a curfew and policeman patrolling the area, then kids would
have no choice but to be reserved to the confines of their house or their friends
house. With a curfew, kids sneaking out would be immediatly brought to a police
station and quickly returned to their homes. This is a third reason why the new
curfew is sensible.
There is a part of the curfew I disagree with though. I do not find it fair that
kids are not allowed within shopping centers after nine. There are many
constructive things to be done in malls, such as have a meal, or buy a book to
read. More importantly though, a shopping center is a controlled area which
already has security guards watching everything that goes on. There would be
no need for a curfew in shopping centers because kids cannot wreak havoc there
because there is already security watching them. Finally, kids in malls actually
buy things while kids in downtown areas do not. This is why that part of the
224
curfew should not be instituted because kids are not troublesome in malls and
because it would decrease business.
In conclusion, I agree with most parts of the curfew. I agree with it
because kids have no reason to be in downtown areas late a night, because kids
usually cause trouble in downtown areas at night, and because it would benefit
parents with rebellious kids. However, I disagree with the mayors decision to
ban kids from shopping centers late at night. This is because shopping malls are
already controlled areas and because it would decrease business. Thank you for
taking the time to read my letter.
Sincerely,
225
226
227
Score Point: 5
This moderately fluent response takes a qualified position regarding the curfew.
The argument is controlled and progresses logically so that the reader fully
understands why the student has reservations about one aspect of the curfew
(shopping malls should be an exception). All key ideas are developed with
appropriate and varied details including personal anecdotes that strengthen the
argument. Precise word choices (rebellious, wreak havoc, troublesome, defy,
peacefully) and syntactic variety demonstrate a strong command of language.
228
Score Scale Point 6
in this category:
CONTENT/ have an opening and a closing. The responses relate to the topic
USAGE have very few, if any, errors in usage.
SENTENCE demonstrate syntactic and verbal sophistication through an
MECHANICS have very few, if any, errors in mechanics.
229
To the editor,
Do you believe in the safety of our kids? Do you believe in the order of our
society? Do you believe in a healthy environment, where everything is under
control? I believe the new summer curfew will improve our system. As a citizen of
this great town, I write to you today in order to share my thoughts of this new issue.
Much confusion and hysteria has been stirred due to this new rule. We must settle
down and have thorough discussions about this summer curfew. I am just an eighth-
grade student. However, my views must also be considered by the town.
Although the months of July and August are a time of rest and relaxation there
is no reason why anyone less than 16 has to go to town around midnight. Theyre
not going to school, and they have the whole day for themselves. Why do they have
to go to town in the middle of night? If this curfew is put into effect that does not
mean students cannot go to town. All they need is a parent by their side to go to a
shop to buy the items they need.
By limiting the time in which they can leave their homes during the night,
young teenagers will start to grow a sense of time management, and develop their
own approppriate schedule. There will be some students who need to go to town at
night for some urgent reason. When this new law is initiated, they will realize it is
better to do things in town during the daytime, when they do not have to hide behind
trees to escape the monitoring of the police. Furthermore, children less than 16 will
have to go to bed early, since they are not allowed to walk around downtown. With
nothing to do, they will eventually fall asleep after watching a T.V. show. What does
this mean? This means, children will have more sleep. They can be alert during the
afternoon.
However, the most important thing this new curfew offers us is better security.
The street in front of CVS, the backalley behind Stop and Shop will not become sites
of accident or criminal activity involving our children anymore. There will be a great
decrease in the number of car accidents during the night time, since teenagers will be
accompanied by their adults. It will be harder for older teenagers to have access to
drugs, because they will not have the cover of darkness to commit these acts. Also,
parents will have more conversations with their children, and they will have the
opportunity to build connections with teenagers who often hide inside their shells.
There are so many ways this curfew can improve our society. But we must
remember, in order for this curfew to be successful, parents must give full attention
and cooperation. Otherwise, often curious children might slip through the cracks of
this system and bring chaos and disaster.
Although the benefits weigh more than the negative aspects of the curfew,
there are still some problems that result from this new proposal. First, a lot of money
must be invested into this project. The police officers who will stay up the whole
night, new facilities, and equipments that enforces this curfew.....Ontop of all this, the
sales in town might drop if this rule is put into effect
However, there are always problems in the greatest of all ideas. We can solve
these trivial problems, only if we put our heads together and march forth.
230
I believe in the safety of my peers. I believe in the order of our society. I
believe in a healthy society where every thing is under control. But most importantly,
I believe in the summer curfew, which will bring great things to our town.
Thank you for reading my letter
Sincerely,
231
232
233
Score Point: 6
Beginning with a dramatic opening effectively using rhetorical questions that

immediately engage the readers attention, this fluent response develops a strong
argument in opposition to the curfew. Having established the advantages of the
proposal, the student then acknowledges that the proposal does not come without
problems and proceeds to address those problems and provide solutions to them.
This is a sophisticated persuasive strategy. The argument culminates in an
effective conclusion that refers the reader back to the initial rhetorical questions by
providing answers, which demonstrates that the response is coherent and unified.
Sophisticated syntax along with vivid and pertinent word choices (confusion and
hysteria, chaos and disaster, cover of darkness) demonstrates a superior
234
235
To the Editor,
Recently, I was made aware, by this newspaper, of the curfew that the town
plans to impose on teenagers under sixteen prohibiting young teens from entering
downtown areas and shopping districts from 9:00 PM to 6:00 AM. As a teenager in
this community, I would like to offer an opinion different than the cries of many who
protest this new curfew. Yes, I stand as a pariah in my age group, someone who
actually supports restrictions on our freedom. In formulating this opinion, I had to
distance myself from my age group in order to form an objective stance on this
controversial issue. There are three main reasons why I support this curfew.
Teenagers out at night could pose an inconvenience to business owners, kids have
no valid reason to stay out late unsupervised, and it is unsafe for unsupervised young
teens to roam the streets at night.
Firstly, unsupervised teenagers loitering around the streets in downtown areas
could cause public disturbances that could be detrimental to the citizens of a
community. In my town, after school, dozens of rambunctious teens pour into the
towns already crowded downtown area. These students not only loiter outside of
stores but some of them have even been caught stealing! This creates a hassle for
respectable store owners in the community. I do not imply that all teenagers act like
this but simply point out that there is always a minority of troublesome students. A
curfew would prevent young teens from creating an inconvenience to business
owners who decide to stay open late and people just trying to get some rest.
My second reason why I support a summer curfew is that young teens simply
are not safe staying out late at night. Opponents of the curfew may argue that the
teens have the right to choose whether or not to stay out late. However, sometimes,
they just arent responsible enough to use that freedom. More responsible people
must make sure that the teens do not get hurt. Those who try to defend their right to
stay out late will be the first to sue the town when they are hurt or a victim of a crime.
The downtown sector in the middle of the night has been proven not to be a safe
place for unsupervised young adults. As more mature and responsible members of
this community, we must support this curfew for the safety of the young adults that
are not mature enough to make good decisions for themselves.
Finally, why do young teenagers have to stay out, late at night and
unsupervised? There is simply no reason why. Teenagers are at their most vital
stage in life. Adolescence is the time when a child matures into an adult. Studies
have shown that sleep is essential for good and healthy growth. The time that the
new curfew will be in effect is the time when teenagers should be at home and
asleep, not wandering the streets without an adult. And, if a teen really has
somewhere that they absolutely must be, they should have no trouble getting an
adult to take them. Therefore, if a curfew is imposed, it will keep teenagers at home,
where they belong, at night and if a teen has a valid reason for being out at night and
they have an accompanying adult, the curfew will not affect them.
In conclusion, I strongly support the new summer curfew. It would keep
teenagers safe, and off the streets so that business owners will not be
inconvenienced. The curfew will keep teens who have no business being out at night
safe and at home where they belong. I know that many people will cry out over how
236
our rights are being taken away but I urge them to analyze the situation clearly and
from a neutral, unbiased perspective before crying foul. Thank you very much for
your time.
Sincerely,
237
238
239
240
Score Point: 6
This fluent, controlled response provides three fully developed reasons supporting
the proposed curfew. The argument progresses logically with each idea building
on the previous idea, culminating in an effective conclusion that both summarizes
the main points and makes an impassioned plea for those in opposition to analyze
the situation without bias before making up their minds. Precise word choices,
sophisticated syntax, and the absence of errors combine to demonstrate a
superior command of language.
241
242
APPENDIX H
AUTHORS SELF-REPORTING FORM
243
AUTHORS
Student: _________________________________________________
RHSM Score: _________________________________ Date: __________________________________
RHSM
RHSM FEATURES OVERVIEW DESCRIPTIVE CRITERIA

CONTENT/ Extent to which the response is: 1. Opening and closing
ORGANIZATION focused on task, purpose, and 2. Single, clear focus
audience
3. Sense of unity; completeness
supported by relevant and elaborated
4. Even development of key ideas
details
5. Logical progression of ideas
clearly and logically ordered
6. Appropriate and varied details
7. Clear transitions
8. Coherence and fluency
9. Controlled compositional risks (if
applicable)
USAGE Extent to which the response is written in 10. Correct tense formation
standard written English 11. Subject-verb agreement
12. Correct pronoun usage and agreement
13. Effective and varied word choice
14. Use of proper modifiers
SENTENCE Extent to which the response includes 15. Correct sentence construction (syntax)
CONSTRUCTION complete and controlled sentences
16. Variety in length and structure
17. Controlled use of words and phrasing
MECHANICS Extent to which the response is 18. Few errors in spelling
technically correct
19. Few errors in capitalization
20. Few errors in punctuation
244
SELF-REPORTING FORM
CONFERENCE LOG
Teacher: ________________________________________ Date:______________________
ANNOTATION GUIDE
STRENGTHS + NEEDS COMMENTS ABOUT WRITING STRENGTHS AND NEEDS
245

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May 2008

New Jersey Assessment of Skills and Knowledge

Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring:

JOSEPHINE E. HERNANDEZ .................................................................................. Union

ARCELIO APONTE ............................................................................................ Middlesex

KATHLEEN A. DIETZ ......................................................................................... Somerset

DEBRA ECKERT-CASHA ....................................................................................... Morris

ERNEST P. LEPORE............................................................................................... Hudson

FLORENCE MCGINN ........................................................................................Hunterdon

DOROTHY STRICKLAND ........................................................................................Essex

Lucille E. Davy, Commissioner

NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring:

Jay Doolan, Ed.D., Assistant Commissioner

Timothy Peters, Ph.D., Director

Sharon Dama, M.Ed.

New Jersey Department of Education

CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING.......................................................................... 1

CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC SCORING: 2008 ..............................................................4

USING THE STUDENT RESPONSES AND CRITERION-BASED HOLISTIC

APPENDIX B: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

APPENDIX C: DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

APPENDIX D : TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

APPENDIX E : DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASIVE TASK AND SAMPLE

APPENDIX B: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

APPENDIX C: DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

APPENDIX D: TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS FOR WRITING

APPENDIX E: DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASUVE TASK AND SAMPLE

APPENDIX H: AUTHORS SELF-REPORTING FORM................................................... 243

Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring: An Operational Definition

In summary, a criterion-based scoring method:

Appropriateness of Criterion-Based Holistic Scoring

Criterion-based scoring rubrics anchor consistent features of writing, independent

The distribution of scores based on criterion-based methods permits evaluation of

Reader bias (a personal preference for scoring based on form/number of

New Jerseys criterion-based scoring rubric emphasizes writing as a higher-order

Student-Teacher Analysis of NJ ASK Responses

Multiple Uses of the Authors Self-Reporting Form

To this end, the following practices are recommended:

1. Regular writing instruction

NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

RUBRIC FOR SCORING STUDENT WRITING

New Jersey Registered Holistic Scoring Rubric

NR = No Response Student wrote too little to allow a Sentence

NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

TEST ASMINISTRATION MATERIALS

Directions for the Student

Things to remember about the writing task:

DESCRIPTION OF THE NARRATIVE WRITING TASK

CONTENT/ Generally will have an opening and a closing. The responses

This student attempts a compositional risk by incorporating the meeting with

Wha-wha-what is this blasted place! he yelled, walking out of my machine.

Very abruptly he said, That thing on your face! I created that!

The moment we exited my house he jumped back in amazements. I explained

He mouthed the word Incredible.

Id always just smile in response, understanding that he mustve been in shock

NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

TEST ADMINISTRATION MATERIALS

Directions for the Student

Things to remember about the writing task:

NEW JERSEY ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE

DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSUASIVE TASK

CONTENT/ Generally will have an opening and a closing. The responses

This student attempts some compositional risk by adopting a conversational tone

RHSM Score: _ Date: __

Teacher: __________________ Date: