Sociological Forum, Vol. 28, No.

3, Sepetmber 2013
DOI: 10.1111/socf.12037

I Was Always This Way. . .: Rhetorics of Continuity in

Narratives of Conversion1
Erin F. Johnston2

This article is concerned with identifying, comparing, and accounting for the principal rhetorical conven-
tions within Pagan practitioners narratives of conversion. Applying key insights from studies on narra-
tive identity and drawing on 15 months of eldwork and 25 in-depth interviews with Pagan practitioners,
I rst outline formal similarities in the content of participants narratives, arguing that these narrative
conventions together constitute an ideal typical conversion narrative: what I call the rhetoric of continu-
ity. This narrative form depicts the process of conversion as a rediscovery or uncovering of a temporally
continuous and essentialized Pagan self. I suggest that while all conversions involve both change and
continuity, adherents of dierent faith traditions vary in the degree to which they stress self-transforma-
tion and/or self-continuity. I then argue that the rhetoric of continuity reects and reinforces practitio-
ners: (1) perspective on the locus and nature of the authentic self; (2) claims to legitimacy and social
acceptance; and (3) understanding of the nature of religious truth.

KEY WORDS: narrative; narrative identity; paganism; religious conversion; self-change.

INTRODUCTION

. . . once I started reading about it, everything they were saying just made so much sense
. . . it was all the things I had always felt myself, growing up, but I never knew there was
any kind of a religion that really focused on that. . . so when I found Paganism, it was like,
Yes, this is it! Hey, guys, Im back!. . . it was just a perfectly natural t for me. . .

In this excerpt Diana,3 a 46-year-old Wiccan practitioner, describes her

initial exposure to the beliefs and practices of contemporary Paganism,4 a

1
The author gratefully acknowledges Robert Wuthnow, Paul DiMaggio, Kerstin Genstch, Joanne
Golanne, Victoria Reyes and the members of Princeton Universitys Religion and Public Life
workshop for their invaluable feedback on earlier drafts of this article. Thanks also to Karen Cer-
ulo and Sociological Forums anonymous reviewers for their insightful comments and suggestions.
Funding from Princetons Center for the Study of Religion supported this research.
2
Department of Sociology, Princeton University, 107 Wallace Hall, Princeton, NJ 08540; e-mail:
efjohnst@princeton.edu.
3
All names of individuals and groups used in this article are pseudonyms.
4
Some scholars and practitioners refer to the movement as neo-Paganism, in order to emphasize
its dierences with pre-Christian religious traditions. For the sake of consistency and readability,
I use the term Pagan throughout the article.

549

2013 Eastern Sociological Society

550 Johnston

relatively new and growing religious movement. Diana explains that she recog-
nized her personal feelings about and understanding of divinity and spirituality
in the written descriptions she encountered. Dianas description of Paganism as
a natural t is a dominant theme in practitioners narratives about their jour-
ney to Paganism. In contradiction to the commonly identied, ideal typical
conversion narrativeexemplied by the conversion of Apostle Paul on the
road to Damascuswhich depicts a process of transformation and profound
change (see Coleman 2002; DeGloma 2007, 2010; Grion 1990; Harding 1987;
Richardson 1985; Snow and Machalek 1984), the Pagan practitioners I spoke
with develop what I call a rhetoric of continuity. Becoming Pagan, according to
practitioners narratives, does not involve the birth of a new self but rather the
(re)discovery of what they always were: an ever-present, underlying true self.
Practitioners develop an image of a temporally continuous self and an innate,
embodied Pagan identity. The unifying logic of rediscovery is sustained through
conventions of content which downplay discontinuity and provide evidence of
continuity in a number of narrative spaces.
This article is concerned with identifying, comparing, and accounting for
the principal rhetorical conventions within Pagan practitioners narratives of
conversion. In the next section I lay out the basic tenets of my analytic
approach, outlining relevant insights from the literature on narrative analysis
and narrative identity (Mead 2002 [1932]; Ochs and Capps 2001; Ricoeur 1976;
Rosenwald and Ochberg 1992; Smith 2005; Somers 1994), as well as suggesting
how this approach problematizes the use of converts narratives in prior studies
of religious conversion. The remainder of the article is an application of this
analytical perspective to narratives of conversion among Pagan practitioners. In
the results section I outline formal similarities in the content of participants nar-
ratives, arguing that these narrative conventions together constitute an ideal typ-
ical conversion narrative: what I call the rhetoric of continuity. In the discussion
section I highlight several factors that may account for the adoption of this
particular rhetorical stance on conversion including (1) practitioners perspective
on the nature and locus of the true self (Turner 1976); (2) the status of the Pagan
identity as socially marked (Goman 1963) and the consequent need for legiti-
mation (Gallagher 1994); and (3) the social epistemology of Pagan practitioners
which posits a multiplicity of paths to religious truth. The conclusion situates
these ndings with respect to the larger research programs on religious conver-
sion and on narratives of self-change.

RELIGIOUS CONVERSION AND NARRATIVE ANALYSIS

Since the 1990s, sociologists have increasingly emphasized and collected

data on the stories people tell about their lives (Maines 1993; Ochs and Capps
2001; Orbuch 1997; Rosenwald and Oshberg 1992; Somers 1994). The central
premise of this line of inquiry is that narratives are, in part, relational construc-
tions (Somers 1994): narrators selectivelyconsciously or otherwiselter
I Was Always This Way. . . 551

reality in particular ways, constructing a truth that necessarily encompasses

both the past being described and narrators present orientations and perspec-
tives (Berger and Luckmann 1966; Mead, 2002, [1932] [1932]). Because
narratives impose form on empirical processes that does not necessarily exist in
experience alone (Ochs and Capps 2001; Ricoeur 1976), narratives are viewed
as social texts and scholars examine how and why people tell the stories
they do.5
In this section I outline the implications of this perspective on narrative for
the study of religious conversion. I begin by problematizing the way converts
narratives were used in early studies of religious conversion, advocating for a
movement away from using narratives as evidence of process and toward an
analysis of narratives as objects of inquiry. Next, I describe several dominant
goals of scholarly work on narratives of self-changeidentifying, comparing,
and accounting for narrative conventions and logicsand suggest how they can
be fruitfully applied to stories of religious change.

From Evidence to Objects of Inquiry

Since the rapid growth of new religious movements across the United States
during the 1960s and 1970s (see Glock and Bellah 1976; Richardson 1983;
Zablocki 1980), religious conversion has received a fair amount of scholarly
attention across a number of disciplines. Most of the early studies of conversion
were not interested in converts narratives per se, yet many used narratives as
data in the attempt to characterize, explain, and identify the empirical processes
of conversion. Scholars during this time were primarily interested in identifying
the causes of conversion (see Snow and Machalek 1984: 178184 for overview)
as well as the key dimensions of variation in the empirical process converts
undergo (Loand and Skonovd 1981; Rambo 1993). In both lines of inquiry,
converts retrospective narratives of conversion were often the sole evidence of
causes and of processes. Given that the relationship between narrative content
and the objective reality of the events described is complicated and rarely
straightforward (Ochs and Capps 2001; Ricoeur 1976), the use of narratives as
evidence of empirical processes is inherently problematic. If narrators selectively
lter experience, post hoc accounts likely do not provide wholly accurate or
complete portrayals of the conversion process.
Despite these issues, narratives of conversion should not be abandoned or
neglected. Converts narratives can be fruitfully investigated as objects of inquiry.
In this article, rather than using practitioners narratives to investigate and delin-
eate the empirical process individuals undergo, I analyze practitioners

5
Scholars have focused on identifying (1) the processes of narrative development and transmission
(Mason-Schrock 1996); (2) variations in the contents and structure of the accounts (Frank 1993;
Howard 2006; Smith 2005); and (3) the motivations for and consequences of the use of particular
narrative forms (DeGloma 2010; Ochs and Capps 2001; Smith 2005).
552 Johnston

narratives as social texts or relationally constructed and selectively ltered inter-

pretations of experience. In taking a hermeneutical6 approach I am not arguing
that Pagans narratives (or the narratives of other converts) are complete fabri-
cations or ctional reconstructions with no basis in reality (Ezzy 2004: Frank
1993: 48, 122; Ricoeur 1976; Smith 2005: 29). I agree with previous scholars that
the sense of coming home described by Pagans is real and is inuenced in part
by empirical processes (Berger and Ezzy 2007; Harrington 2004), but I also con-
tend that individuals interpretations of their experiences are shaped by conven-
tional patterns of telling the story of becoming (Mayer and Gr under 2010:
401) in the wider community and therefore reect and reinforce prevailing
norms of discourse (Rosenwald and Ochberg 1992). Starting from this assump-
tion, scholarly work on narrative identity pursues three predominate goalsthe
identication, comparison, and explanation of narrative conventionswhich I
argue can be fruitfully applied to the analysis of narratives of religious change.

Identifying, Comparing, and Accounting for Narrative Conventions

Studies of narrative identity and of narratives of self-change in particular

stress the importance of identifying, comparing, and accounting for the formal
conventions of storytelling common across individuals and social contexts (Ezzy
2004: 124; Frank 1993). Scholars sift through individual narratives to identify
and elaborate the common themes and central unifying logicsstory lines that
tie together experiences of discontinuity and change with past and current self-
understandings (Grin 1990)of participants stories of self. At the same time
as they seek to identify common themes, scholars also emphasize staying open
to variation in narrative contents and logics, positing that similar experiences
can be narrated in dierent ways. Frank (1993: 4344), for example, analyzes
individuals narratives of illness diagnoses and identies three dierent story
lines, each containing its own conventions and unifying logic. Identifying and
comparing common themes and logics across individual narratives contributes
to the identication and delineation of ideal typical or representative types
(Bellah et al. 1985) of accounts.
In addition to identifying and describing ideal typical narrative accounts,
scholars are explicitly interested in explaining why individuals and collectivities
adopt dierent rhetorical forms. Narrative accounts are seen not only as a
means of constituting a social identity (Howard 2006; Somers 1994) but also as
tools for making social and cultural claims (DeGloma 2007, 2010; Rosenwald
and Ochberg 1992) as well as launching and justifying present practices (Ochs
and Capps 2001; Smith 2005). In other words, the content of self-narratives
often performs cultural work (DeGloma 2007; Wuthnow 2011; Zussman
2012), helping to advance individual and collective denitions of reality.
6
Hermeneutics is the recognition that the precipitates of human experience do not speak for them-
selves but gain their signicance through subjective and intersubjective interpretation (Rosen-
wald and Ochberg 1992: 2).
I Was Always This Way. . . 553

Self-narratives then may be tools in the discursive struggles both within and
between individuals and communities over matters of authenticity, legitimacy,
and truth. Studies of narrative identity therefore emphasize the importance
of linking narrative conventions and logics to the goals, understandings, and
characteristics of the individuals, groups, and the larger social contexts in which
they are created and exchanged. Doing so allows scholars to better understand
why particular individuals and groups employ the narrative forms they do.
Some studies of religious conversion have taken up narrative accounts as
objects of inquiry,7 and in doing so, identied predominant rhetorical conven-
tions within converts narratives across a variety of religious traditions. While
focused on dierent religious groups, the narratives described in many of these
studies follow the conventions and logics of what DeGloma (2010) has termed
the awakening narrative. The awakening narrative is an ideal typical narrative
form that has been identied in accounts of self-change across a wide range of
social contexts (see DeGloma 2007, 2010). The prominent unifying logic of this
narrative form is the metaphor of rebirth and transformation via a central turn-
ing point, event, or experience (Ochs and Capps 2001: 215217). Narrative
conventions include describing (1) a period of struggle, emptiness, or drift; (2)
hitting rock bottom (Coleman 2002) or a conversion experience through
which the individual becomes a new creation (Harding 1987: 172); and (3)
positive features of ones new self. The transformative nature of the conversion
experience is underscored through metaphoric contrasts such as asleep/awake or
darkness/light (DeGloma 2010), as well as stories that contrast the thoughts or
actions of the old self and that of the new self (Grin 1990). In the realm of
religious conversion, this narrative form has been identied among Russian
Baptists (Coleman 2002), Pentecostal Africans (Engelke 2004; Meyer 1998),
Christians (Stromberg 1993), fundamentalist Baptists (Harding 1987), and in
the conversion account of Charles W. Colson, an evangelical Christian
(Grion 1990).
On the other hand, scholars have not investigated or provided for the possi-
bility of alternative ways of narrating the conversion experience. In part due to
the emphasis on profound change as a dening characteristic of conversion
(Snow and Machalek 1984), the awakening narrative has often been mistaken
for the universal model of the conversion experience and therefore the only
authentic conversion narrative. This underlying assumptionthat key rhetorical
indicators (Snow and Machalek 1984) are universally applicable to all authentic
experiences of conversionhas led scholars to interpret alternative ways of nar-
rating experiences of religious change as evidence of nonconversion rather than
as equally valid narrative forms. This has been particularly true in research on
becoming Pagan (Adler 1979; Berger and Ezzy 2007). In addition, work on con-
version narratives have largely overlooked or ignored the possibility that post
hoc stories of experience are inuenced by the goals and perspectives of the

7
Snow and Machalek (1984: 185) made this suggestion in the conclusion to their review piece.
554 Johnston

social groups to which one converts (see Harding 1987 and Beckford 1978 for
notable exceptions).8
In taking practitioners narratives as objects of inquiry, I follow previous
work on narrative identity and endeavor to (1) identify and describe the central
unifying logic and the most prominent conventions in participants narratives
(see Results section) and (2) interpret and account for the adoption of this
particular rhetorical stance on the experience of conversion (see Discussion
section).

PAGANISM AND ITS ADHERENTS

Contemporary Paganism is an umbrella term for a diverse set of traditions,

practices and beliefs. The numerically predominate tradition under this umbrella
is Wicca (Berger et al. 2003), which itself contains a number of unique tradi-
tions.9 Other groups falling under this umbrella include Druidism, Asatru or
Norse Heathenism, a variety of reconstructionist traditions,10 as well as prac-
titioners who identify themselves solely as Pagan.11 Participants across all
traditions tended to describe Paganism as a nature-based religion in which prac-
titioners observe and honor the seasonal cycle of the year. This cycle is symboli-
cally important and ritually celebrated being marked by eight sabbatsor
ritual celebrationsthat are spaced 6 weeks apart.12 While much variation
remains among these traditions, scholars have noted a growing similarity in
practice over the past several decades (Berger et al. 2003: 4).
Paganism is often described by practitioners as a spiritual path which con-
tains no dogma, bureaucracy or acknowledged leaders to determine ortho-
doxy (Berger et al. 2003: 3). Based largely in orthopraxy (as opposed to
orthodoxy), practitioners perform rituals together, all doing the same things
while each individual may experience and interpret the performed actions in
dierent ways. The diversity of interpretation present in the community is
acknowledged and even celebrated among the individuals I have practiced with.
Despite a rhetorical emphasis on diversity of belief, several perspectives on the
nature of divinity are common in the community. Practitioners tend to see the
divine as (1) pantheistic: the belief that the divine is immanent and inseparable
from nature; (2) polytheistic: the belief in multiple deities;13 and (3) animistic:

8
DeGloma (2007, 2010) is another obvious exception. His work though was not focused on reli-
gious conversion per se but explicitly on delineating the conventions and logics of the awakening
narrative.
9
Including Gardnerian, Alexandrian, and Feri traditions.
10
Attempts to establish historical polytheistic religions in the modern world, including Celtic,
German, Hellenic, and Roman reconstruction movements.
11
See Harvey 2000 for an overview of these traditions.
12
For an overview of Pagan belief and practice, see Adler 1979 and Harvey 2000.
13
Not all Pagans are polytheistic and the exact nature of the polytheism varies: some Pagans are
hard polytheists (seeing the gods as distinct, real beings) while others are soft polytheists (see-
ing the gods as manifestations of a single divine force).
I Was Always This Way. . . 555

the belief that nonhuman entities are spiritual beings and that all reality is
imbued with vitality (Adler 1979: 2425).
It is dicult to get a precise estimate of the size of the Pagan population or
to construct a general prole of its adherents (Lewis 2007) due to both a lack of
clear organizational and institutional structure in most Pagan traditions and
continuing fears of social stigmatization among individual practitioners. One of
the best estimates taken from the 2001 survey of religious adherence in the
United States found that 140,000 people self-identied as Pagan, 134,000 iden-
tied as Wiccan, and 33,000 identied as Druid, for a total of approxi-
mately 307,000 adherents, or 0.2% of the population.14 (See Lewis 2007 for an
overview.) Berger, Leach, and Shaer (2003: 2732) collected survey data on
Pagan identiers on a national scale in the early to mid-1990s and found the
typical respondent was a Caucasian, heterosexual female, between 30 and
39 years of age, with at least some college education.

DATA AND METHODS

The analysis below is based on data I collected in the process of studying

social and religious life within the New Jersey Pagan community. While the
data presented in this article come almost entirely from formal, in-depth inter-
views with self-identied Pagan practitioners, ethnographic and participant
observation provided me with background knowledge that proved vital in
identifying conversion narratives as an important topic for investigation,15
formulating mutually meaningful interview topics and questions (see Appen-
dix A) and analyzing and interpreting participants responses. My eldwork
was conducted in an eclectic Wiccan coven from August 2009 to March 2011.
During this time, I attended all events and rituals held by the group.16 After
a year in the eld I conducted formal, semistructured interviews with coven
members as well as other practitioners from a variety of traditions and
communities across the state. In addition to recruiting interview participants

14
ARIS 2001 gures.
15
I rst noticed the narrative rhetoric outlined below in the course of my eldwork. Interviews were
conducted to more clearly esh out this trend.
16
I located the coven via their public website. I then sent a letter requesting permission to conduct
research at coven events. I described my identity as a researcher, provided a brief overview of my
research interests, and described what my research would and could entail (including that infor-
mation collected would likely be used in published material). I then met with two of the founding
members to discuss my interests in person. I clearly specied my own religious position and alia-
tions at this time (I considered myself secular and had, at the time, relatively little knowledge
about Paganism). The coven uses a consensus-based decision-making process. My letter and infor-
mation was shared with the other six coven members and the decision was put to a vote. The
coven unanimously agreed to allow me to attend their events as part of my research project, with
two conditions: (1) I must fully participate in all rituals, and (2) I was not allowed to attend
coven-only events.
556 Johnston

in the course of my eldwork,17 I solicited additional participants via

announcements in four online Pagan forums.18
The demographics of interview participants largely mirror those found in
Berger, Leach, and Shaers 2003 Pagan Census: the average interview partici-
pant is a 43-year-old, Caucasian female with approximately 15 years of educa-
tion (see Appendix B for overview). The majority of participants held
professional jobs (including teachers, librarians, and nurses). Several partici-
pants are stay-at-home parents, one is retired, two are currently students, and
two own and operate their own small businesses. The presence of largely middle-
class19 participants is in line with previous studies of Pagan practitioners (Adler
1979; Berger et al. 2003). The religious upbringing of participants was varied:
44% said they were raised Catholic, 28% Protestant, 8% Fundamentalist
Christian, and 20% nonreligious.
While eorts were made to select participants with a wide range of
geographic locations, group aliations, and personal characteristics, the sample
is not random and the results therefore may not be generalizable. The individu-
als I spoke with tended to be highly active practitioners.20 While not all partici-
pants were initiated members21 of a group of co-religionists (for example, a
coven or grove), most were. Those who were not members were either seeking
membership and/or attended the events and rituals of one or more groups on a
regular basis. In addition, participations were for the most part out of the
broom closet.22 Practitioners who had not yet disclosed their beliefs were likely
unwilling to speak with me out of fear of being identied by loved ones. Last,
most participants were followers of more eclecticor less traditionalforms of
Pagan practice or were open and eclectic in their approach.23 The individuals I
spoke with, then, were on average fairly active, relatively eclectic, and generally
open about their spirituality. I am not able to make claims about the degree to

17
Most ritual events run by the coven are open to noncoven members. There are a handful of non-
members who regularly attend events and most public rituals draw several newcomers. The coven
also holds an annual event that draws practitioners from all over the state, with attendance reach-
ing around 50 to 75 practitioners. Because of this, there was ample opportunity to network and
solicit interviews at coven events. At all times, I was explicit about my identity as a researcher.
18
Yahoo and Facebook groups for Pagan practitioners in the New Jersey area. Content on these
sites consists largely of announcements regarding events of interest as well as some limited general
discussion. The request described the research project and my academic aliation, expressed a
desire to speak with self-identied Pagan practitioners of all spiritual and religious traditions, and
indicated that topics would range from religious upbringing to current spiritual practices.
19
I did not collect data on household income. Previous work has found that practitioners have
about average income levels relative to the rest of the U.S. population, which may indicate that
they are underemployed because their incomes do not match their levels of education (see Berger
et al. 2003: 31).
20
While there is a great deal of ambiguity around what constitutes religiosity in the Pagan commu-
nity, the individuals I spoke with would score highly on most scales of religiosity.
21
Most groups include several levels of membership, including formally initiated members as well
an outer circle of individuals who regularly attend group events but have not been initiated.
22
This terminology is actively used by many Pagan practitioners, especially Wiccan-identiers.
23
More traditional groups, such as Gardnerian and Alexandrian Wiccans, tend to be more secretive
in nature, making it harder to locate and recruit members for participation.
I Was Always This Way. . . 557

which the themes I esh out in this analysis would be characteristic of the narra-
tives of less active, closeted, or more traditional Pagan practitioners.
Interviews were open endedseeking to elicit stories and narrativesbut
were clearly structured around dominant themes (see Appendix A). Individual
interviews, which lasted anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours, were recorded
and subsequently transcribed.24 Transcripts were then analyzed using an induc-
tive approach similar to coding methods used in the development of grounded
theory (Charmaz 2006; Glaser and Strauss 1967). In the preliminary round of
coding, each individual transcript was explored in depth and coded for domi-
nant themes. In a subsequent round of coding, recurring themes were used for
further analysis (Charmaz 2006: 4766; Glaser and Strauss 1967). Finally, based
on the prevalence of and relationship among the dominant themes, an attempt
was made to develop a nomothetic understanding of the data (Kvale 1983). The
goal of taking this approach was to identify the dominant themes that are rele-
vant beyond the unique experience of any one individual, transforming the indi-
vidual data into a coherent pattern or gestalt (Thompson 1990): in this case,
identifying the overarching rhetoric of continuity. In the following section I
provide examples and interpretations of the major themes or narrative conven-
tions that arose in the process of analyzing participants narratives.25

RESULTS: THE RHETORIC OF CONTINUITY

In this section I demonstrate the variety of ways in which the unifying logic
of rediscovery is developed and maintained. The rhetorical emphasis on self-
continuity was most clearly developed in three distinct narrative spaces: practi-
tioners (1) account for previous religious aliations in ways that emphasize con-
tinuity; (2) use metaphors of t and of coming home to narrate their initial
encounter with Pagan ideas and practices; and (3) provide evidence of continuity
through descriptions of childhood abilities and inclinations. While not following
an explicit formula, the narratives are not entirely idiosyncratic either: All of the
narratives contain elements that evoke and reinforce the same rhetorical stance
on the process of becoming Pagan.

Accounting for Prior Aliations

Mostalthough not allof the practitioners I spoke with were active

participants in dierent religious traditions before discovering Paganism. In fact,
many individuals I spoke with were highly active in these traditions: They not

24
All interview participants gave formal consent to participate and to be tape-recorded and all were
aware of the fact that the information they shared was likely to be used in published material.
25
Prior to submission, I shared this manuscript with 6 of the 25 interview participants. All six felt
that the narrative contents outlined here accurately reected their own personal experience as well
as common themes they have heard from others in the community.
558 Johnston

only attended church or synagogue on a regular basis but were also involved in
Bible study groups, the choir, or lay leadership positions. These activities seem-
ingly present a problem for the construction of coherent selves: Practitioners are
challenged to plausibly account for these shifts in behavior (Grin 1990). The
individuals I spoke with tended to account for prior aliations in two interre-
lated ways.

Never a True Believer

In discussing prior religious aliations, many practitioners told stories or

described experiences that suggested they were never true believers despite
behaviors that indicated adherence. Diana, a solitary Wiccan practitioner who
converted 3 years ago, suggests that the beliefs and values of Catholicismthe
religious tradition she was raised her injust didnt make sense to her:
I could never wrap my brain around immaculate conception. Im sorry. . .I just cant grasp
that concept. Never could. Another thing. . .the church tried to control everybodys sexual
urges and all of that stu. . .from what I remember, sex is only for procreation. . ..Why? I
dont agree with it.

Diana does not argue that she has come to fundamentally disagree with
practical and theological ideas of the Catholic faith but rather she has always felt
this way. This subtle but important dierence serves to create a sense of continu-
ity in Dianas depiction of her self.
Other practitioners told stories of publicly questioning the religious
doctrines of the faith tradition they were raised in. Erik, who was raised Catholic
but started practicing Wicca more than a decade ago, recalls,
I was questioning. . . .I was going to Catholic school. . .and I was starting to debate with
the priest in front of all the other kids. . . .I essentially got invited to leave the CCD class.
I was being disruptive of the teaching. I mean, I was throwing doubt into the whole class.

By drawing attention to this episode, Erik is highlighting the fact that

despite being engaged in the Catholic Church, he had questioned its beliefs and
practices from an early age. Nikki, a solitary Wiccan, told a very similar story of
asking too many questions in Sunday school. I heard this or similar stories
during informal conversations in the course of my eldwork on numerous occa-
sions as well.
Other participants emphasized that they simply did not feel connected to
former religious communities. Sherry, a widow in her late 50s, started practicing
Wicca with her husband 10 years ago. Prior to this the couple had attended the
Episcopal congregation near their home. Despite raising her three children
within this tradition, she says,
My husband and I had never actually formally joined the Episcopal church, we were never
really fully comfortable there. We never believed totally in what they were saying. Ive read
the Bible cover to cover. I personally thought their version of God was not the kind of
God I wanted to worship.
I Was Always This Way. . . 559

By highlighting the fact that she and her husband never joined the congregation,
Sherry signals that she was never really committed to her identity as an Episco-
palian. By doing so, she is able to provide an account of her active adherence
that does not discredit her claim to a temporally continuous Pagan identity.
These recollections portray individuals who, despite concrete actions that appear
to convey adherence, were not truly committed to their previous religious
aliations.

Innate Religiosity

Practitioners also highlighted what they perceive to be a natural or innate

inclination toward religious or spiritual expression when discussing previous
aliations. Audrey, a Wiccan practitioner in her 40s, who was raised culturally
Jewish but whose parents were atheists, recalls,
When I was in high school, I became very interested in Judaism and I dragged both of my
parents to temple with me every week because I couldnt drive. . . . I knew there was some-
thing bigger to life than every day. I knew that there was something spiritual and divine.

Audrey describes herself as someone who from an early age had a sense that
there was something divine and an inner drive to nd a way of connecting to it.
When she was younger, Judaism was the avenue of religious expression most
familiar to her and therefore served as the outlet for her spiritual energy. This
story accounts for her aliation with Judaism and also provides evidence of an
innately spiritual self.
Other participants more explicitly suggested that they had always felt
pulled toward spirituality and religious expression. Kyla, a 53-year-old
Wiccan practitioner, explains that she has always been spiritually minded.
She recalls, Ive always believed that there was. . .now Ill say universal
energy, but a god. . . .Ive always believed in something more than us. Simi-
larly, Amber, a 28-year-old Wiccan, who was raised in a Fundamentalist
household, stated that religion was always a huge concern for me. . . .I
needed answers, and I always had a relationship with things that are outside
the physical. An underlying drive for connection with something bigger
or outside the physical is emphasized as a driving factor behind their early
religious adherence.
In each of these cases, individuals do not attribute religious adherence
solely to familial emphasis or external cognitive authority but instead describe
their religious activities as deriving from deep, inner desires and inclinations for
spiritual expression. This is an important source of dierence from narratives
that stress discontinuity. By highlighting examples and evidence of having been
drawn to religion at a young age, practitioners account for previous religious
adherence as well as provide evidence of continuity by beginning to construct a
picture of their true selves.
560 Johnston

NARRATING THE DISCOVERY: REDISCOVERING THE TRUE SELF

The adoption of a new social identity represents a challenge to the presenta-

tion of a continuous self. I found that the central unifying logic of Pagans self-
narratives was an emphasis on (re)discovering an underlying, true self. The
initial exposure to Paganism is described as the moment in which they discov-
ered a label and community that represented and legitimated a self that was
always-already-there (Scott 1990). This way of describing the experience
transforms religious change from an awakeningor discovery of something new
and previously unknowninto a rediscovery or uncovering of something that
was already present.
Jennifer, a 34-year-old Wiccan practitioner who was raised Methodist,
recalls her initial encounter with Paganism as follows:
I had a friend of mine who was a solo practitioner and he said, Why dont you borrow
this book? So. . .I borrowed his and just from reading the introduction, I was like, Oh
my god, this is exactly what Ive always believed and never knew it had a name.

For Jennifer, the knowledge and information she was reading about was not
something entirely new but something she already knew and believed. Similarly,
Audrey, the culturally Jewish Wiccan practitioner described above, remembers
reading about Wiccan practices for the rst time in college:
. . .it sort of incorporated some of the theological ideas I had even as a child, like . . . God
being in everything and all around us and that everything was alive and interconnected
and so it sort of was like I was reading my ideas of what I thought. . .how I thought the
world worked. . .none of the religious stu that I had studied really incorporated what I
believed. But this sort of did.

Audreys description, like Jennifers, suggests that she had arrived at her beliefs
independent of any outside inuences. She explains that she held particular
theological beliefs common in the Pagan community, such as immanence and
animism prior to reading about it.
Similarly, Erik, the 57-year-old Wiccan practitioner who described being
kicked out of CCD, states:
I cant say I can actually remember the moment of revelation where you say, Wow, thats
it, but the more you study. . .the more you read and the more you look into it, you say,
Ah, thats it and it feels. . .its right, it feels right, it feels like home. Like, Wow, this is
what Ive been searching for.

Eriks statement is revealing. He describes how Paganism was a natural t for

him through his claim that Paganism felt like homean image that conveys a
sense of naturalness. In addition, Erik explains that Paganism matched what he
had been actively searching for, downplaying any change undergone through
the adoption of this new social identity. The image of home was used in a similar
way by several interview participants.
Lastly, and perhaps most strikingly, several practitioners explicitly
described Paganism as an essential element of their being. Maria, a 46-year-old
I Was Always This Way. . . 561

solitary practitioner, describe her process of adopting the identity of a strega

(an Italian witch) as follows:
And its only been in the last 10 years that Ive been able to say, no, I know who I am. Im
an Italian witch, Im a strega and I studied and Ive come out of the broom closet com-
pletely, and thats where my faith really is very solid now. . .its natural for me. So, it wasnt
a choice, it was just it for me, thats all it is. . .thats who I am. Its part of my DNA, if you
will.

Maria argues that she did not really undergo a process of becoming Pagan
because being a strega is written in her DNA; instead, she suggests that she stud-
ied and went through a process of learning about and understanding who she
was and what exactly that meant. Cathy, a solitary Wiccan practitioner, simi-
larly explains:
It seemed to come to me so easily. . .as if I was remembering something I had done long
ago. A long time ago, like when I was a child and forgot about it. . .And as I was reading
things it was almost as if I knew before. And I realized, okay, Ive been a witch all my life.

Participants, according to the logic of these narratives, do not undergo a trans-

formation of the self by adopting a wholly new perspective and way of being;
instead, exposure to Paganism prompts an uncovering of their true, authentic
selves that were previously hidden, forgotten, or not fully articulated.

PROVIDING EVIDENCE OF CONTINUITY

Participants commonly cited childhood events, practices, and inclinations

that t with Pagan ideas and practices, and therefore provide evidence that they
were always Pagan. The most common childhood inclination referenced in
participants narrations was a love of nature and, more explicitly, feelings of
connection to or experiences of the divine when immersed in nature. Maria, for
example, recalled:
I had always had this sort of awe of nature and this sort of powerful emotional spiritual
connection to it. So reading about a religion that deied nature was sort of spot-on, and
oh, yeah, thats it, thats sort of what Ive been feeling all along. And it helped to explain
that connection that Id felt.

Kyla likewise describes her relationship to the natural world and directly com-
pares it to her experience in church:
[The church] never spoke to me. I always felt so much more, for lack of a better word, clo-
ser to God looking out at the beautiful trees or seeing a beautiful sunset or sitting by the
ocean and listening to the waves crash up on the shore. It just meant so much more to me
than sitting in that church.

Most participants, in the course of describing how they came to Paganism,

describe themselves as having always been nature lovers. Many explicitly
claimed to have always seen the natural world as a source and location of divin-
ity, emphasizing continuity in their beliefs. Given Paganisms emphasis on being
562 Johnston

in tune with natural cycles, a childhood connection to and love of the outdoors
supports the perception of an ascribed and continuous Pagan identity. From this
perspective becoming Pagan does not foster feelings of divine connection in the
natural world, but helps to explain and make sense of a connection that practi-
tioners always felt.
Several participants referenced political and social positions that were held
prior to becoming Pagan but are in line with Pagan belief and practice. Most
commonly, practitioners cited being environmentalists and/or feminists. Marcy,
a solitary practitioner explained:
A part of me has, I think, always been Pagan. Ive always had that mindset. I can remem-
ber back when I was little, telling my mother to shut the water when she brushed her teeth
to conserve the water. I was always into making sure we recycled. . .which is all part of the
Pagan belief system. . .taking care of Mother Earth. So, there was always a part of me that
I think was always like that.

Early inclinations toward conservation serve as of evidence continuity: Taking

care of the natural world is a sacred duty for Pagan adherents and having always
supported conservation provides a link between childhood practices and ones
current identication as Pagan.
Last, several practitioners mentioned childhood events or abilities that
might be called mystical. Amber, for example, recalls,
As a kid, I remember talking to fairies. Id talk to trees. I bought my rst crystals when I
was 5 and 6 years old. So energy, magic . . . I believed all that from the beginning. I was an
artist. I was a dreamer. I had that kind of mystical connection.

As she notes, these abilities and interests are evidence that she believed all that
from the beginning. In the same manner, Aimee explains that as a child she
claimed to be able to see Smurfs, and now interprets these experiences as her
rst interactions with fairies. Evelyn, a Druid practitioner in her 40s, recalls
being able to visibly see manifestations of the divine while in Catholic Mass:
When the priest was doing the [Transubstantiation], I could see it in the air.
Most Pagan traditions have a mystical focus (Adler 1979), and many adher-
ents practice some form of divination, such as tarot card or rune reading, while
others study astrology or some form of energy healing. In addition, many say
they are able to feel or even communicate with the energy or spirits of animals,
plants, and inanimate objects, as well as those who have passed away.26 These
skills are highly valued within the community and some covens require members
to work on developing one or more of these skills as a part of their membership.
Because of this, stories that highlight mystical experiences or abilities during
childhood support the logic of an underlying, authentic Pagan self.
Though participants narratives contain varied and idiosyncratic stories,
there are formal commonalities across individual accounts. Through these
formal conventions participants narratives develop a clear unifying logic that
26
On numerous occasions during my eldwork practitioners have verbally noted the energy they
have felt when touching rocks, stones, and other inanimate objects. Others have told stories about
talking to deities and those who have passed away.
I Was Always This Way. . . 563

ties together past and present self-understandings: the rediscovery or uncovering

of the true self. This unifying logic along with these key narrative conventions
together constitute an ideal typical or representative type (Bellah et al. 1985) of
conversion narrative: the rhetoric of continuity.

DISCUSSION: WHY THIS RHETORIC?

The rhetoric of continuitywith its unifying logic of rediscovering the true

self and the narrative conventions highlighted abovecontrasts sharply with the
contents and logic of the awakening narrative which depicts an experience of
profound personal change and self-transformation (see above). The question,
then, is why do the practitioners I spoke with tend to narrate the process of
becoming Pagan in this way? In this section I outline previous explanations of
the coming home experience (Berger and Ezzy 2007; Mayer and Grnder
2010) among Pagans. I argue that narrative contents do not solely reect empiri-
cal processes and instead propose three key ways in which the rhetoric of conti-
nuity performs cultural work for Pagan practitioners.
Previous research on becoming Pagan suggests that practitioners cannot be
classied as converts (Adler 1979: Ezzy and Berger 2007: 54). This argument is
based both on practitioners claim that they do not convert as well as the lack of
congruence between Pagans descriptions of the experience of religious reorien-
tation and the rhetorical conventions of the ideal typical awakening narrative
(Gallagher 1994). Studies of becoming Pagan have assumed that these dier-
ences in narrative emphasis (continuity over transformation) can be linked to
dierences in the process. Berger and Ezzy (2007: 84), focusing on teenage
witches, argue that the coming home experience is a reection of the religions
many aspects that resonate with and feel familiar to those who seek it out,
including, feminism, environmentalism, and individualism. Harrington (2004:
80) similarly argues that Initiation into Wicca brings a sense of homecoming
when long-held mental templates (schemas) are nally fullled by a religious
match of best t. These arguments imply that Pagans narrative emphasis on
continuity can be explained by the amount of change they undergo in the
process of becoming Pagan relative to other processes of religious change (i.e.,
religious conversion).
While I do not seek to address the empirical process of becoming Pagan
explicitly in this article, I disagree with the premise that practitioners emphasis
on continuity is a direct reection of, and therefore can be fully explained by,
the process individuals undergo. I contend that this interpretation is based on a
denition of religious change and of conversion that is overly cognitive. I argue
that whether individuals undergo signicant cognitive changes, they do undergo
meaningful and empirically measurable changes in the process of becoming
Pagan, including changes in group membership, social identity, individual and
social practices, and social networkswhich are ltered out of or downplayed
in their narratives. In addition to anecdotal evidence of these changes from my
564 Johnston

own research,27 other scholars have made a similar argument (Gallagher 1994).
Even the central metaphor of practitioners narrativesof coming homeitself
implies a change in both location and orientation (Gallagher 1994: 858), as
coming home is not the same as having always been at home (Mayer and
Grnder 2010).
In reality, though, neither I nor these previous studies have the data neces-
sary to delineate how much and what kinds of changes individuals undergo in
the process of adopting the Pagan identity. Assessing this and therefore
distinguishing whether Pagans can be considered converts would require data
on individuals pre- and postreligious change, as well as a clearly articulated
and agreed-upon denition of what constitutes conversion.28 Rather than
attempt to assess how much change Pagans undergo, I assume that all pro-
cesses of identity adoption involve both change and continuity in tandem and
that narrative emphasis on one dimension at the expense of the other is a prod-
uct of rhetorical selection and ltering that aligns individual narratives with
norms of discourse in the Pagan community. In this section I argue that the
conventional pattern of telling the story of becoming within a community
reects and reinforces key social claims and cultural perspectives of the collec-
tivity. More specically, I contend that the rhetoric of continuity may reect
and reinforce Pagan practitioners (1) views and perspectives on the nature of
the self, (2) claims to legitimacy and social acceptance, and (3) understanding
of the nature of religious truth.

Authenticity in Impulses

The rhetoric of continuity reects and reinforces a particular perspective on

the locus of the authentic self that is common in the Pagan community. Being
Pagan, according to the logic of the rhetoric of continuity, is not simply a matter
of cognitive alignment but instead something more deeply and perhaps even
innately embodied. Through the use of metaphors of t and coming home, prac-
titioners portray a Pagan identity that is largely ascribed and not achieved
(Cadge and Davidman 2006): being Pagan is something they area part of their
naturenot something they have become and not simply something they do
(Brekhus 2003). In other words, Pagans narratives convey an essentialist image
of Pagan-ness in which the process of becoming is experienced as the unfolding

27
For example, since her initial exposure, Diana, the Wiccan practitioner referenced in the introduc-
tion, has undergone a formal initiation in a group of co-religionists (a coven), changes in practices
(ritual attendance and magical workings), and formed new social relations and networks (increase
in number of ties to other Pagan practitioners). These kinds of changes were commonly described
in other parts of the interview by the practitioners I spoke with and observed in the course of my
eldwork.
28
Snow and Machalek (1984) noted the ambiguity in denitions and assessments of conversion
nearly 3 decades ago and no consensus on empirically measurable dening characteristics or meth-
ods of assessment has been reached since that time. This makes any claims for or against conver-
sion inherently problematic.
I Was Always This Way. . . 565

of a true permanent self which existed since birth (see Brekhus 2003: 39). As
one participant explained, I think I just am that, its not a change.
The central narrative logic of rediscovering ones true self implies that the
authentic self is located in actions and thoughts stemming from deep inner drives
or impulses. Turner (1976) called individuals who perceived the self in this way
impulsives, and saw them in opposition to those who locate their real and
authentic selves in norm-guided actions performed within institutional roles.
For impulsives the true self is something to be discovered. . .[and] is revealed
when a person does something solely because he wants tonot because it is
good or bad. . .but because he spontaneously wishes to (Turner 1976: 992).
Accordingly, impulsives tend to view institutional motivations and identities as
external, articial constraints (Turner 1976: 992) and feel most authentic when
they are acting spontaneously, presumably free from those constraints. If ones
authentic self is located in unsocialized, inner impulses, then all one needs to do
is uncover or rediscover its contents by tearing o or peeling away layers of
institutional and social constraint.
The conventions of content highlighted above depict the process of becom-
ing Pagan as one in which the individuals true self break[s] through the decep-
tive crust of institutional behavior (Turner 1976: 992). In accounting for prior
religious aliations, for example, practitioners describe their adherence as being
shaped in part by articial constraints (family pressures or the lack of readily
available information on Paganism) which restricted the expression of their true
(Pagan) selves as well as a misdirected innate religiosity (a deep-seated inner
drive). In describing the process of becoming Pagan, external constraints includ-
ing social inuences are downplayed or ignored, while metaphors of rediscovery,
t, and coming home are highlighted indicating deep-seated Pagan inclinations.
References to childhood experiences and abilities further link Paganism to a self
that is based in innate drives and impulses. Coming home uncovering ones
true selfis a tting unifying logic for a community of practitioners who believe
the authentic self can be found in deep-seated impulses.29

Marked Identities and the Need for Legitimacy

Scholars have suggested that self-narratives allow individuals identied with

socially marked (Goman 1963: 5) categoriessuch as homosexuals, mental
patients, individuals who are physically disgured as well as members of racial
and religious minoritiesto construct coherent, dignied, and moral selves
(Brekhus 2003; Stanley 1999) as well as lay the groundwork for successful claims
to legitimacy, cultural validation, and even legal rights (Ortiz 1993). In other

29
This perspective on the nature of selfhood also allows practitioners to dierentiate themselves and
Paganism from more traditional religious groups and individuals. Practitioners often claim that
members of traditional religious groupsparticularly those who stay in the tradition they were
raised inare inauthentic or hypocritical, because their aliation is perceived to be rooted in
institutional and social constraints rather than inner impulses and authentic self-expression.
566 Johnston

words, narrative conventions help justify and legitimate marked social identities
both individually and collectively.
Mayer and Grnder (2010: 410) argue that Western practitioners take a
great risk of being stigmatized when they aliate with a Pagan belief system.
Paganism is a relatively new religious movement30 and there is a general lack of
knowledge in the wider population about the beliefs and practices of its adher-
ents. Because of this, there is a strong reliance on negative stereotypes, many of
which are untrue.31 The practitioners I spoke with commonly described fears of
social stigmatization, ostracism, and prejudice and most were keenly aware of
the various ongoing legal battles for religious rights (including the recently won
battle for the inclusion of Pagan holidays on New Jersey school boards list of
approved holidays). Regardless of the severity of the threat, it was clear that the
practitioners I spoke with felt that their religious aliation, beliefs, and practices
lacked legitimacy in the eyes of the wider society.
Gallagher (1994) argues that the claim that no one converts to Paganism
may perform cultural work by drawing attention to and heightening the contrast
between it and the kinds of authoritarian cults and sects that arose during the
1960s and 1970s. By dierentiating the process of becoming Pagan from the
processes of conversion in these other new religious groupswhich were and are
often regarded as suspicious and illegitimate (Singer 2003)the rhetoric of
continuity performs boundary work, distinguishing Paganism from other new
religious movements that are regarded as questionable or even harmful and dan-
gerous (Singer 2003). In addition, the narrative development of an essentialized
and innate Pagan self may provide a basis for demanding cultural acceptance
and legal rights in the larger political and religious context. Ascribed social iden-
tities (such as sex and racial or ethnic origin) are often guaranteed rights while
chosen identities are not. The idea of an innate Pagan self portrays Paganism as
a natural and objective feature of the social world: The discourse rearms its
reality, its objectivity, its just thereness (Scott 1990: 308). By suggesting that
their identity as Pagan is ascribed and that Paganism is an inherent feature of
the social world, the rhetoric of continuity helps pave the way for demanding
legal rights.32
Other scholars have identied similar narrative conventions among mem-
bers of other marked religious groups, including converts to Judaism (Myrowitz
1995), Satanism (Lewis 2010), and atheism (Zuckerman 2012). In Lewiss (2010:
117) study of converts to Satanism, one respondent states, I was already living
as a Satanist and had arrived at my mindset independently. The label simply
ts. In addition, similar rhetorics have also been identied in the narratives of
individuals associated with nonreligious marked identities such as transsexuals

30
Gerald Gardner is credited with developing the principles of Wicca in the 1940s (Berger et al.
2003) and Ross Nichols is credited with founding the Order of the Bards, Ovates, and Druids in
1964.
31
The most common is that Wiccans and other Pagans are devil worshippers.
32
A similar argument has been suggested regarding the use of essentialist narratives of biological
determinism in the discourse surrounding same-sex attraction (Ortiz 1993).
I Was Always This Way. . . 567

(Mason-Schrock 1996; Ochs and Capps 2001: 217), individuals diagnosed with
serious illnesses (Frank 1993), and those who identity as gay and lesbian (Ham-
mack and Cohler 2009; Ortiz 1993). The fact that individuals who share this
narrative form tend to be associated with socially marked groups lends support
to the hypothesis that the narrative form serves to symbolically defend the
groups demands for equality and legitimacy both culturally and legally.33

Social Epistemology and Communities of Truth

The way in which the conversion experience is narrated may also play a role
in conveying and reinforcing the beliefs and perspectives regarding the nature of
religious truth (DeGloma 2010: 534). Many religious (and nonreligious) groups
claim to possess singular access to an ultimate, all-encompassing and infallible
truth: In other words, the denition of reality espoused by the group is perceived
to be the Truth. The beliefs and perspectives of other groups are therefore seen
to be in direct conict with and often a threat to their own. Converts to such
religious groups tend to narrate their experience using the conventions of the
awakening formula (see Coleman 2002; Engelke 2004; Grin 1990; Harding
1987). DeGloma (2007: 559) argues that the central conventions of this narrative
form can be interpreted as weapons in the struggle between competing and jux-
taposed social groups and their accompanying worldviews. He suggests that the
two, temporally divided selves developed in these narrativesthe unenlightened
antagonist of preconversion and the enlightened protagonist of postconversion
act as symbolic proxies for the two dueling social groups. The new identity
is rhetorically associated with light, joy, and sight, while the prior self is
described as blind or living in darkness and misery (DeGloma 2009: 240244).
This narrative, therefore, serves to mark cognitive boundaries between the two
groups and to discredit the legitimacy and reality of the storytellers previous
understandings.
The practitioners I spoke with, on the other hand, described a perspective
on truth that was more relative. Practitioners posited that there are multiple
ways of accessing religious truth all of which are equally legitimate. This posi-
tion was most clearly expressed to me by Sherry, a Wiccan practitioner in her
50s. She explained:
The dierent religions are like a big diamond, and the divine is at the heart of the diamond
and all these dierent pathways are just facets, so you can look into that facet and connect
with the divine. . .but that doesnt mean that is the only facet. There are facets all the way
around and underneath and on top. . .there are so many dierent ways you can approach
the divine and they are all valid as far as Im concerned.

33
It is possible that nonmarked groups may also make use of this narrative form. Some groups, for
example, may have an impulsive (Turner 1976) view of the self and this alone may drive the use
of this rhetorical form over others. In addition, numerous marked groups, such as cults and
sects, tend to use the awakening narrative. This analysis not meant to suggest a causal link
between these features (impulsive orientation to self, markedness, or epistemology) and this narra-
tive form. Such claims would require signicantly more data from a variety of social groups.
568 Johnston

Sherry argues that there is a single underlying Truth but that no religious or
spiritual tradition has privileged access to it.34 Each of the various traditions
approach religious truth from a xed angle and each, therefore, is inherently
limited. Even when describing why they left a religious tradition, interviewees
made a point to note that those traditions are not invalid and do work well for
many people.35 This view of the religious truth is reected in the high number of
Pagans who remain aliated other religious traditions, including the religions
they were raised in. Unlike the awakening narrative where individuals depict
and account for a complete and thorough break with one thought community
(Zerubavel 1997) and subsequent identication and commitment to another,
becoming Pagan does not require that one fully abandon previous sociomental
aliations.
Pagans epistemological stance on religious truth may account for why they
do not develop the temporally divided self identied in the awakening narrative.
Practitioners do not claim to possess privileged access to an absolute and all-
encompassing and therefore only seek to account for why other religious paths
do not work for them. They do not seek to make claims against the moral sound-
ness or veracity of other religious traditions beliefs and practices. Leaving a
prior religious community and entering Paganism is not a matter of discovering
the Truth, but of discovering the path to truth that feels right for the individual.
The rhetoric of continuity in Pagans narratives reects and supports the
communitys perspective on truth through its depiction of religious growth and
change as a personal journey toward the discovery of what works best for each
individual.

CONCLUSIONS

In this article I advocated for a move away from the use of narratives as
data toward a perspective that views them as objects of inquiry and seeks to
identify, compare, and account for the central conventions and logics of individ-
uals accounts of religious change. I have emphasized the importance of being
open to variation in how this experience is narrated, allowing for the possibility
of several ideal typical conversion narratives. The stories individuals construct
in order to make sense of experiences of self-change powerfully recast the indi-
viduals view of her life and of the world around her both in the moment
described and afterward (Grin 1990), and serve as tools through which beliefs
and values become meaningful, collective denitions of reality are advanced and

34
Some Pagans do think they have privileged access to religious truth. This view seems more preva-
lent among traditional Gardnerian and Alexandrian Wiccan groups. If individuals from these
groups use the awakening narrative, it would support this general argument regarding the impor-
tance of epistemology. I thank an anonymous reviewer for pointing this out.
35
One informant noted that some people like to followreferring to those who nd a home at
mainstream religious organizationsand others like to lead, presumably referring to themselves
and other Pagans. The path one should pursue is, again, linked to ones impulses.
I Was Always This Way. . . 569

lines of action are justied (DeGloma 2007, 2010; Rosenwald and Ochberg
1992; Smith 2005). Dierent ways of describing the experience of conversion
may reveal fundamental dierences in how individuals and collectives under-
stand themselves and the larger social world (Gallagher 1994: 865). These dier-
ences can also have real and varied consequences for how adherents of dierent
religious perspectives act and relate in the social world, directing future lines of
action (Rosenwald and Ochberg 1992; Wuthnow 2011). Identifying when and
why individuals make use of dierent rhetorics may broaden our understanding
of how personal stories are dialectically related to both social structure and
social action (Ignatow 2004).
In this article I identied and described one ideal typical narrative form:
the rhetoric of continuity. I suggest that this form contrasts with the awaken-
ing narrative in its emphasis on self-continuity rather than self-transforma-
tion. Other dimensions of variation within narratives of conversion may be
fruitfully investigated using insights from work on narrative identity as well.
The two primary dimensions of variation that have been identied in previous
studies of conversion are (1) the agency of the convert: active or passive
(Richardson 1985), and (2) the temporal duration of conversion process: sud-
den or gradual (Loand and Skonovd 1981). It may be useful to look at
these dierences as types of rhetorics; for example, scholars might theorize
why some groups emphasize discrete and sudden events and others more
gradual, incremental developments in their narratives of conversion (see Beck-
ford 1978, for example). It would be valuable to identify the most common
binaries (Smith 2005) within narratives of self-change, such as those suggested
above, as well as investigate the dierent ways in which these binaries are
linked together.36
Future research should analyze narrative conventions across a variety of
social groups in an attempt to identify shared social patterns which transcend
any particular social context (DeGloma 2010; Zerubavel 2007). Just as the
ideal typical awakening narrative can be found across many social contexts
religious and nonreligiousin which individuals experience or undergo pro-
cesses of self-change (DeGloma 2007, 2010), the rhetoric of continuity may
also be common in social groups beyond the eld of religion or even beyond
the realm of self-narratives.37 By restricting their analysis to religious groups,
identities, and contexts, scholars of conversion have overlooked a vast array

36
Rhetorics within narratives may tend to be correlated: for example, the rhetoric of the active
convert exists alongside rhetorics of continuity and of gradual conversion in the Pagan narra-
tives. If this linking of rhetorics is typical across a range of settings, how might we be able to
account for this and what does this tell us about narrative accounts which mix rhetorics in
other ways?
37
Scott (1990: 295296) suggests that champions of including posttraumatic stress disorder
(PTSD) in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 3rd edition (DSM-III)
argued that the new diagnosis was an always-already-there object in the world. . .present
but previously unseen. The rhetoric of continuity then may be a more general discursive
tool in battles over the legitimacy of relatively new categories or concepts (including social
identities).
570 Johnston

of empirical and theoretical work on narratives which may not only contrib-
ute to our understanding of religious change but may also open up new
theoretical perspectives for the understanding of social identity, more broadly.
Future comparative research should seek to determine what aspects of group
culture (including beliefs and practices, as well as epistemological claims) and
structure (boundaries and hierarchy), as well as characteristics of the social
(marked vs. unmarked) and personal identity (salience of social identity to
the individual) account for the predominant form and content of narratives
of religious conversion, specically, and of self-change narratives, more
generally.

APPENDIX A: RELEVANT INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

The interview guide consists of a list of orienting questions

1. First, I am interested in hearing about your experiences with religion before

you were an adult. Can you tell me about your religious upbringing and reli-
gious experiences as a youth?
2. I am especially interested in hearing peoples stories about how they rst
learned about Paganism and how they decided to pursue it as a spiritual path.
Could you tell me your story, maybe starting with when you left the religion
of your youth?
3. Can you talk a little bit about what you think the most important dierences
and similarities are between [the religion you were raised in] and your current
spiritual beliefs and practices?
4. Are you out of the broom closet? Can you tell me about your experiences
telling peopleboth those close to you and acquaintancesabout your
aliation?
5. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person? What do
you see as the main dierences, if there are any, between being religious and
being spiritual?
I Was Always This Way. . . 571

APPENDIX B: PARTICIPANTS DEMOGRAPHICS:

Table I. Participants Demographic Information

Number Proportion

Gender
Female 20 0.8
Male 5 0.2
Age (mean = 43 years)
1929 4 0.16
3039 6 0.24
4049 8 0.32
5059 6 0.24
60 and older 1 0.04
Education (mean = 15 years)
Less than High School 1 0.04
Some College 6 0.24
Associates/Trade School 4 0.16
Bachelors 8 0.32
Some Grad 4 0.16
Graduate Degree 2 0.08
Marital Status
Married 8 0.32
Single/Separated 17 0.68
Children
Yes 15 0.6
No 10 0.4

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