Title: Trusting God with an Imperfect Faith

Word Count: 1,017

By Leah Barton
October 8, 2017

Some people dont realize the strength of their faith until they are called upon to defend
it. Growing up in Virginia, I was used to living what I believed, but felt uncomfortable
when anyone expected me to really discuss my faith anywhere besides church, home, or
among friends. Although I felt secure in my testimony of the Savior, there wereand
still areaspects of the gospel that I didnt fully understand.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once said in a conference talk, The size of your faith or the
degree of your knowledge is not the issueit is the integrity you demonstrate toward the
faith you do have and the truth you already know. I learned to value the faith I do have
one summer night in a local grocery store, near the end of my senior year of high school.

It was an unusual night to begin with. I was the only cashier on duty, and there wasnt a
soul in the entire store. On top of that, the overhead music had shut off, leaving me with
no source of entertainment. As I wiped the same counter space over and over, I began
humming my own music.

Seeing there was nobody around, the humming quickly developed into full-out singing.
Eventually, I started singing Come, Come, Ye Saints. I dont usually sing hymns for
fun, but I was soon rolling through the key change into the fourth verse, when the sight of
a man cut me off mid-organ solo.

He was an older man, and he was staring at me with a stricken expression. Flustered, I
stammered an apology and asked if I could help him. After another awkward moment, he
said, I know that song. I wasnt sure I heard him right. He repeated, I know that song,
and demanded how I knew the song.

I said it was a hymn we sang in my church, and the man asked if I was Mormon. I
responded that I was. He told me his wife had been a Mormon, and that song was sung at
her funeral when she passed away in 2011.

Hearing this, I felt the Spirit swell inside my heart. I expressed my condolences and told
the man that my older brother had also passed away in 2011, and that we had sung that
song at his funeral as well.

We both marveled at that coincidence for a moment. He explained that his wife had
died of cancer, and I told him that my brother died while serving a mission for our church
in Chile. Then the man asked, So what do you guys believe about all that? I asked him
what he meant, and he looked me in the eye and said, Do you think youll see your
brother again?

As Ive matured, I have sometimes struggled with doubts in my faith. There are questions
that might have prompted an uncertain response if put to me so directly. The question
asked by this man, however, was one that I had asked myself countless times, particularly
in the difficult months soon after my brother died. It was a question I had prayed about
and studied and pondered for years. It was a concept over which I had agonized,
wrestling between hope and doubt for a longer time than Im proud to admit.

But I had received an answer. Eventually, over time, Heavenly Father had blessed me
with a sweet knowledge of His plan, filling my soul with comfort and peace concerning
this question. So when I was called upon that night in the grocery store to answer the
question, Do you think you'll see your brother again?, I was able to meet that mans
gaze and declare Yes, I do, with all the faith and love and hope I had in my heart.

At that moment, I truly felt as if I was joining my voice with that of the grief-stricken
father in Mark 9:24, who cried out to the Savior, Lord, I believe! even as he admitted
his unbelief. I knew that although my faith wasnt perfect, it was sufficient in the eyes of
the Lord.

The man nodded, and told me I had a lot of faith. He said, My wife used to say that we
should have a perfect brightness of hope. I agreed, excitedly rambling off the rest of 2
Nephi 31:20 as the mans eyes filled with tears. He exclaimed, That's it! That's what she
would say! How did you know that? I told him it was a scripture in the Book of
Mormon. He asked how he could find one. Because he was from New York and was
merely passing through Virginia on a road trip, I got out some receipt paper and wrote
instructions for how to find the scriptures online and how to get his own copy of the
Book of Mormon.

When I handed him the paper, he shook my hand with both of his and thanked me by
name. I nodded and smiled, wishing I could keep my emotions in check so I could tell
him who was really behind this fortuitous meeting.

Heavenly Father works with the faith we already have. That faith is powerful enough to
not only bless our lives, but the lives of Gods children who are put in our path. How or
why that man got off the highway, drove 20 minutes, and ended up at my store so late at
night I may never know. But I do know that my faith helped him. This experience made
me realize that my faith is worth proclaiming, for, as Elder Holland said, In this Church,
what we know will always trump what we do not know.

It took me a long time to learn that faith means trusting God without knowing all the
answers. Aching questions still pierce my heart, but I can hope for a time when all will be
understood. With faith in God and in His plan for us, I can strengthen my testimony little
by little, ever grateful for the truth that I do know.

Sources:
Jeffrey R. Holland, Lord, I Believe, General Conference, April 2013.