Winter 2000-2001

Door to Door 77 aeionline.com thewriterslifeline.com

Client News:
Steve Altens Domain (Tor) received rave reviews in Kirkus and Publishers Weekly (see
pp. 3,4 and stevealten.com). His Goliath has been sold to Frances Editions du Rocher.
Peter Bieleguss Getting Loaded: 50 Secrets Everyone Should Know to Become a
Millionaire before Retirement has been sold to Dutton/NAL.
Peter Barnes (A Christmas Carol) has completed the script for Patricia Daviss A
Midnight Carol (with KJA and CLW as co producers with director Arne Glimcher).
Nelle Briens Lioness rose to #1 on The Los Angeles Times Bestseller List.
April Christoffersons The Protocol has been sold to Germanys Lubbe. Clinical Trial was
well-reviewed in PW (see p. 14).
Lois Gilbert's Without Mercy, her second novel, appeared from NAL. Lois' first novel, River of
Summer, has been released by Ullstien in Germany under the title Ein neuer Sommer.
Clinton T. Greenleaf's A Gentleman's Guide to Appearance, the first in his "Gentleman's
Guide" series, has appeared from Adams Media.
AEI deal closed: with Black Dog & Leventhal for Julie Mooney to write The Ripley's
Believe-It-Or-Not Book of the Extraordinary, Strange, Inexplicable, and Bizarre.
Deepak Chopra, Bernie Siegel, and John Gray have agreed to write blurbs for ALLISON
MCMILLANS When I Loved Myself Enough (thanks to Jennifer Enderlin of St. Martins
Press). U.K. rights have been sold to Macmillan U.K. for $60,000.
James Michael Pratts Ticket Home was released in hardcover from St. Martins Press
with a nationwide media and book tour, simultaneous with the release of The Lighthouse
Keeper in paperback. Audio rights for Ticket went to Audio, Book Club to Doubleday and
Literary Guild as a main selection. An interview with Jim appeared in Bookstreet, the
new supplement to USA Today (circulation 2.2 million), where Lighthouse moved onto
the Extended Best-Seller list.
John Scott Shepherd (p. 18) has been signed by John Wells co at Warner Bros to direct
his Eulogy for Joseph Way (12). JSSs Joe Somebody (starring Tim Allen, directed by
John Pasquin, both of The Santa Clause and Jungle2Jungle) starts shooting in
Minneapolis April 9a New Regency/Fox 2000 Arnold Kopelson production, with Ken
Atchity and Matt Gross producing, Chi-Li Wong, exec producing (12, 13). Johns Life, or
Something Like It (starring Angelina Jolie [Girl, Interrupted, Tomb Raider], directed
by Steven Herek [Three Musketeers, 101 Dalmations, Mr. Hollands Opus] begins
shooting in St. Louis April 2a New Regency John Davis production, with Ken Atchity
and Chi-Li Wong producing. John has also closed a blind deal with Scott Rudin Prods
(15).
AEI deal closed: Gregory Teffts For Your Body Only, with Dragon Door Publishers.
Governor Jesse Venturas Do I Stand Alone? Was #4 on The Washington Post Best-seller
list. The Governor appeared again on The Today Show, October 31, to announce his e-
essay on MSNBC.com and PocketBooks.com, Governor Venturas Guide to the Polls,
and on Larry King Live on election eve, November 6; and was reviewed in Larry Kings
USA column.
Vincent Atchity, president of Writers Lifeline, Inc., appeared for a live interview (now
archived) on biznews1. He spoke at the Learning Annex, How to Market & Sell Your
Writing in L.A. (3/5), San Francisco (3/12), San Diego (3/17).
Ken Atchity was interviewed by Kathy Henning on clicz.com (see p. 17). KJA was also
interviewed by Arthur Lippe on KRLAs Capital News.

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Never wake up grumpy. Let him sleep.
anonymous KJA: How can a person be so intuitive & so
insensitive at the same time?
We're going to have the best-educated American Bruce B.: Time-release medication.2/17/01, Curson
people in the world. ...Governor George W. Bush,
Jr., 9/21/97 "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate
things." ...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 11/30/96
KJA: Who is this?
Matt G.: Its just my process of extracting the good
D.A.: Hold on, let me look in a mirrorAppears to
idea by mentioning the bad idea.
be a very handsome, young
Brian R.: Will you be using that often?
KJA: So its not you. 2/14/01
1/24/01 Fox
Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is One word sums up probably the responsibility
somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be
is very important. We have seen pictures where prepared'. ------Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is 12/6/93
water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that
means we can breathe." ...Governor George W. I ate so much I fell asleep.K.M. 2/12/01
Bush, Jr., 8/11/94
To a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a
L: What kind of salad do you want? nail.Newsweek
John P.: Pork. 1/26/01, Kopelson
I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy.--
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession Governor George W. Bush, Jr. Sept 27th, 00
that teach our children." ...Governor George W.
Bush, Jr., 9/18/95 If we want there to be a during there needs to be a
before.John P., 1/26/01
If you didnt notice the bong in fifteen minutes, you
dont need it.Bruce B., 2/16/01 Curson A good wife always forgives her husband when
shes wrong.Milton Berle
the continent of Nigeria --George W. Bush Jr.
Presidential Debate 10/2000 I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
There was water in the carburetor. I said, Wheres
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them the car? She said, In the lake.
were just napping.Rita Rudner
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.Phyllis
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer Diller
people going to the polls." ...Governor George W.
Ive been to Spain more often than Ive been to
Bush, Jr.
downtown Los Angeles.--VDA, 12/20/00
Rebecca R.: Only one guy can be the boss.
Bruce B.: And thats you, Rebecca. 2/16/01, Curson When you were born, God whispered in your ear:
You are my only one.--Sufi saying [via John
"The American people would not want to know of any Ducane]
misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr. Wild cats do not hunt cucumbers.--Ori
Hofmeckler, The Warrior Diet
KJA: Would you say Im nervous & high-strung?
CLW: Not to your face. 3/13/01
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I have a 100-year old cat whos more flexible than you
are.Gary K., LA Fitness, 3/7/01

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By the end of the night no one will have eyelids.--J. JSS: I=ve got multiple shower-heads.B1/5/00, telcon
Frankl, Curson, 9/29/00 I like being known as a bitch. BK.M. 1/3/00,
Curson hallway
DOMAIN. Steve Alten (Tor/hardcover).
From Kirkus. Third novel by Alten, author of the
best-selling Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror (1997) and its You should never underestimate the predictability
sequel, The Trench (1999), the story of Carcharodon of stupidity.BThe Snatch
Megalodon, a 60-foot shark from the abyss that in the
second installment spawned a whole family of We only stopped because our mouths got tired.BCLW,
monsters. Here, Alten sets aside his colossal heroine reporting from N.J. 12/17/00
from the deeps, and turns to Mayan archeology and a
mysterious forecast from 500 b.c. It dealt with an
asteroid that impacted with the globe 65 million years "One writes to make a home for oneself, on paper, in
ago and has to do with the end of the world now time and in others' minds."--Alfred Kazin
imminent in the year 2012. Linked sites around the thewriterslifeline.com daily quote 2/20/01
planet, says archeologist Julius Gabriel, spring from an
ancient species that foresaw the Apocalypse and KJA: I have this horrible pain in my neck all the
registered these in Mayan glyphs in the Gulf of Mexico,
time. JSS: That's Chi-Li.--telcon 10/13/00
glyphs that Julius and his super smart son Michael
have deciphered. Now Michael, incarcerated in Miami
as a paranoid schiz, must convince psychologist Artificial intelligence is no substitute for natural
Dominique Vazquez to free him to face and fight the stupidity.--button seen at the Southwest Writers
alien plumed serpent that lands in a Mexican jungle. Conference, Albuquerque, 9/23/00
Alten aligns galactically with his audience but reserves
his biggest delivery for Domains forthcoming sequel, "Keep good relations with the Grecians."--
Resurrection: Part II. Then back to the immensely
appealing Meg the shark?
Governor George W. Bush, Jr. June 12th,
2000.
In 1555, Nostradamus wrote:
Come the millennium, month 12, You don=t get your fair share from the Tooth Fairy. J.
In the home of greatest power, McKenna, 12/23/00, Ardmore
The village idiot will come forth
To be acclaimed the leader. Unconsciously I=m always looking for someone.
BAtsuko, 12/15/00, 432
"I think we agree, the past is over," Governor
George W. Bush, Jr. May 10th 2000. George W Bush was asked if he knew
what Roe v Wade was about. He
Hey, Im a citizen and they try to keep me out of this answered that he thought it was a
country.--CLW 11/1/00, Kiriko decision George Washington had to
make when he decided to cross the
AThe important question is, how many hands have Delaware.B[via VDA]
I shaked?" Governor George W. Bush, Jr. Oct 23, The intersection of history and prophecy (for the
2000. person having the experience) is cultural deja
vu.BLinda E. Forman, email 1/07/01
You know weve gone through a wormhole when Pat
Buchanan is the voice of sanity and reason.--Jay Leno, If we don't succeed, we run the risk of
11/9/00 failure.--George W. Bush, Jr.

KJA: What were you doing in there all that time?

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First figure out what your themes are, then figure
out your characters, then you can figure out your
plot.Jim J., Paramount, 2/27/01, telcon

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JSS: I was sure you were going to say This is where the parties come to die--when I start
SallyfuckingFields. Im sure no one has ever said that. playing a guitar.BM. Braverman, 12/13/00, Fairfax
Wendy J.: I have.--Paramount, 10/6/00 All dogs are the same.Wellington C. 3/4/01
Mendocino
Subject: FW: New Virus??????????
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
THE AL GORE Virus.... (Causes your
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it.--Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
computer to just keep counting and
counting).
To know and not to act is not to know at THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7-Inch
all.--Japanese proverb Hard Drive with NO Memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
Have your office call, because when I go rogue and (Makes a new hard drive out of an old
schedule a meeting myself there are all these ugly floppy)
consequences.--Gail L., 1/24/01 THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out
of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it
Eve L.D.: And do these intelligent plants vibrate? did)
KJA: Definitely. I thought you=d never ask.
--1/6/01, Hooters, Santa Monica
THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)
More and more of our imports are coming from
overseas." Governor George W. Bush, Jr., Sept THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard
25th 2000 drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to
restabilize around 200mb)
Mr. Cogito...would like to fight
with the monster THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old
on firm ground...
files)
he calls- - THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no
come out contemptible coward longer be inserted)
through the fog THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM,
one sees only but your processor doesn't care)
the huge snout of nothingness... THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks
--Zbigniew Herbert, _The Monster of Mr. Cogito_ minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus...
"When I have been asked who caused the riots
(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct
...and my personal favourite...
& simple. Who is to blame for the riots? The
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your
rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the
hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it
killings? The killers are to blame. --George W.
Bush, Jr.
through Windows)
[via Danny Aguillard]
Youre in bed. You have knives. Shit happens.
Angelina Jolie Rarely is the question asked is our children
learning?-- Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may Jan 11th, 2000
or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/22/97 KJA: Im glad you were home.
JSS: Im always home. Im uncool.--10/12/00

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...and testicular cancer isn't that prevalent in
women.--Keith Phillips [via V.P., at Barney's,
Beverly Hills]
KM So...congratulations!...
KJA: Thank you.
KM: Hey, where are you going? I thought we were
toasting.
KJA: I knew you had an agenda.
Republicans understand the importance of
bondage between mother and child.--
Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
I thought about ordering something awful so I could bring
you half of it.Bto CLW 12/10/00 re The Grill
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've
made." ...Governor George W. Bush, Jr. to Sam
Donaldson, 8/17/93
My wife and I were happy for twenty
years. Then we met.--Rodney
Dangerfield [via Mary Calhoun]
Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we
used to know it."--Governor George W. Bush, Jr.,
October 18th, 2000
I dont read half the scripts people say I
read. I dont even read half the scripts I
say I read.--J. Mostow, Universal,
12/13/00
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward
more freedom and democracy - but that could
change.--Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/22/98
T. Shadyac: We need to get you before you start
sucking.
J.S.S.: I feel like I'm hitting a wall already.--9/26/00, Hes become the Michael Chrichton of
Shady Acres, Universal Lot
The senator can't have it both ways. He can't take
the high horse and then claim the low road."--
Governor George W. Bush, Jr. Feb 17th 2000.
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Overcome your instincts & pass it around.--to J.
Frankl, pork roast dinner, Curson, 9/29/00
Keep your eye open, Logan.--X-Men
The most important job is not be governor, or first
lady in my case--Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
Jan 30th, 2000
Now I get tipped not to wear those
shorts.BCLW, Hooters, 1/4/01
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Governor George W. Bush, Jr. May 5th, 2000
KJA: I thought you were a natural beauty.
JSS: Oh, no. I coif.B12/13/00
"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar
system.--Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
KJA: Tell him Im calling about last night.
Jenny W.: Does he know the writer?
KJA: Not the script, the reality. Last night.
Jenny W.: Gotcha.--11/16/00
During an interview: April 27 2000
Bush: My brother Jeb is the governor of Texas..."
Interviewer: "Florida."
Bush: "Florida, the State of Florida."
KJA: So you're getting desperate?
K.M.: Yes. A little bit.--9/16/00
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
Governor George W. Bush, Jr. Feb 19th, 2000
emotional redemption.--Brian H.,
10/6/00, News Room
You can have anything you want, but you
cannot have everything you want.--Wealth
2000-2001 aeionline.com
101, by John Rogers & Peter McWilliams,
quoted by Peter Bielegus
_____________________________________
VESSEL By Robert Pinsky
What is this body as I fall asleep again?
What I pretended it was when I was smallB
A crowded vessel, a starship or submarine
Dark in its dark element, a breathing hull,
Arms at the flanks, the engine heart and
brain
Pulsing, feet pointed like a diver=s, the whole
Resolutely diving through the oblivion
Of night with living cargo. O carrier shell
That keeps your trusting passengers from
All:
Some twenty thousand times now you have
gone
Out into blackness tireless as a seal,
Blind always as a log, but plunging on
Across the reefs of coral that scrape the
keelB
O veteran immersed from toe to crown,
Buoy the population of the soul
Toward their destination before they drown.
-Atlantic Monthly
If you bring forth what is inside you,
what you bring forth will save you. If
you do not bring forth what is inside
you, what you do not bring forth will
destroy you.BGospel of St. Thomas [via
Buffone]
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"This is preservation month, I understand
preservation. It's what you do when you run for
president, you gotta preserve." Speaking during
Perseverance Month at a school in January 2000
It's like, we're all in our underwear,
Barry White on the stereo, a rose on
the pillow, and we can only stand here
so long... JSS 9/15/00
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have
made good judgments in the future." ...Governor
George W. Bush, Jr.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
The Dalai Lama Mantra
1. Take into account that great love and
great achievements involve great
risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you
want is sometimes a wonderful
stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to
break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a
mistake, take immediate steps to
correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't
let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes
the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then
when you get older and think back,
you'll be able to enjoy it a second
time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is
the foundation for your life.
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 13. In disagreements with loved ones,
deal only with the current situation.
Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to
achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've
never been before.
"Families is where wings take dream.@
Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
It was quite a roller coaster week. Every time
we got happy, we went to see DeLine.--JSS
9/29/00
Self-respect is based on the notion
that we deserve the respect of
others. We are who we say we are,
we show integrityBour words and
actions match.BGary Buffone, Voices
from the Whirlwind (MS)
Our priorities is our faith. Governor George W.
Bush, Jr., Oct 10th, 2000.
Due to our moderate climate, the grapes for
our 1991 Kristone Blanc de Noirs were able
to be hand harvested at a higher Brix than is
typical of most sparkling wines, thus allowing
the grapes to develop a deeper, more
complex flavor. After the initial time in
barrels, the wine spent more than seven
years on tirage, a process that allows further
enhancement of the overall flavors It was
time well spent for it resulted in a beautiful
blend of Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, and Pinot
Blanc wines. It displays aromas of white
chocolate and carob layers against an
expansive backdrop of toasted oats, along
with hints of gently toasted pine nuts and
toffee that lead to a zest-of- orange-peel
finish. We recommend pairing the Blanc de
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17. Remember that the best relationship
is one in which your love for each
other exceeds your need for each
other.
18. Judge your success by what you had
to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with
reckless abandon.
Noirs with smoked salmon, wild mushroom
soup, or oysters.--Cambria
Self-respect is the belief in our own value. It
is not a delusion we are superior, Aperfect,@
or greater than anyone else. In fact, it is not
competitive or comparative at all. It is simply
the conviction we are worthwhile and our
well-being is worth supporting and nurturing.
BGary Buffone, Whirlwind
I learned to watch the times of the
month carefully. My sisters kept
beating me up and I didn't know
why.--A. Tabrizi, The Grill, 12/8/00
"People that are really very weird can get
into sensitive positions and have a
tremendous impact on history." ...Governor
George W. Bush, Jr. [all Bush quotes via
Simone Ling]
We can't just leave him here.
We can if we move fast enough.
Overheard somewhere
Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow
astronauts. ...Governor W. Bush
You can't always operate at this same
level of intense ineffectiveness. --KJA,
Southwest Writers Conference,
Albuquerque, 9/23/00
I couldnt resist it, because it was very
popular.--K.M. 10/11/00, Lincoln Tunnel
2000-2001 aeionline.com
POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE
EVER [via Danny Aguillard]
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard
smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied
smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the
sheet, rolls over, and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT
question."
KJA: You feel like screaming or slashing
your nipples?
JSS: I always feel like that.--9/29/00
Paramount lot
The Holocaust was an obscene period in
our nation's history. I mean in this century's
history. But we all lived in this century. I
didn't live in this century." ...Governor
George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95
KJA: What can we do during this meeting that
could be fun?
JSS: I can't think of anything.--9/29/00
JOCK WISDOM
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of
himself above his locker: Thats so when I
forget how to spell my name, I can still find my
clothes.
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Shaquille ONeal, on whether he had visited
the Parthenon during his visit to Athens: I cant
really remember the names of the clubs we
went to.
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas
A&M, recounting what he told a player who
received four Fs and one D: Son, looks to me
like youre spending too much time on one
subject.
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the
Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew
Golota: Hes a guy who gets up at six oclock
in the morning regardless of what time it is.
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a
former player: I told him, Son, what is it with
you? Is it ignorance or apathy? He said,
Coach, I dont know and I dont care.
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on
his coach, John Jenkins: He treats us like
men. He lets us wear earrings.
CLW: Theres something to be said for fat
fingers and shaky hands.
KJA: I dont think I get that.
CLW: If you dont get it, dont call me.Park
Hyatt, 3/7/01
This could be your golden parachute.Steven
H. to Richard B., New Line, 3/9/01
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