*Marita's story: Here's how to be a lesbian with disabilities in Croatia

Imagine that you have 28 years, but your quality of life is already disrupted because of a
disability and several diagnoses, and as a result, you can move only with the help of crutches
and every day you need help with things that most people take for granted. In addition you
are a lesbian and you live in a small town in Croatia. And you are unemployed, and have
been for years. All of this is our brave interlocutor, who, under her full name and surename,
speaks of her not easy life.

Why call it "courageous"? Because it is in Croatia, where its often enough to say that you are
a lesbian to get a stigma. And if you are a lesbian and disabled, happiness has no end. Her
name is Marita upe, and she has been living in urevac four years, where she came from
Sibenik.

In the morning, she needs help to get out of bed. She can not cook, can not take a shower
alone since the apartment in which he lives has a bath instead of shower. When it rains, she
does not go outside because she can not hold an umbrella while walking on crutches. In
winter, when there is snow, she does not go out either. She can not walk long, her every day
is in pain. Everything started from scoliosis, that was her first diagnosis.

*When you have a disability, no matter whether you are on crutches or in a wheelchair, you
are different

"Disability marks me, and how couldnt it," she says. "Especially in a small town like this.
When I go out, people often stop me and ask me what's happened to me. Why am I on
crutches. Why this, why that ... Sometimes, when Im in less pain, I say that it is due to
illness, but when it really hurts (which is often), I can be quite unpleasant. I do not like
thrusting into someone else's life. When you have a disability, no matter whether you are on
crutches or in a wheelchair, you are different. How come would one not be marked? The
only thing a person can do in such a situation is to realize that, no matter what, you can still
function normally," immediately says Marita, who still is not shaken.

Clearly the people, unless they have the experience from their own family or circle of friends
/ colleagues, they do not know, do not even think about being a person with a disability: "Of
course I do not think. People live their lives and think it's only they have it hard. This does
not diminish their problems, but it is different when you have problems being a healthy
person, and when you've got problems as an invalid. Obstacles are there. Every day. "

[When you have a disability, no matter whether you are on crutches or in a wheelchair, you
are different. How come would one not be marked? The only thing a person can do in such
a situation is to realize that, no matter what, you can still function normally]
As for the (non) adaptability for the needs of people with disabilities, urevac is not an
exception compared to other cities:

"It is not at all suited. Only the City Library and FINA are fitted. But I do not go often to
FINA. Everything should change, adapt. Not just for me, I'm not the only disabled person in
urevac. For the sake of other people with disabilities, and there are plenty of us. The city
administration, where there are also some state institutions, they have poor access. A person
in a wheelchair can not go to the tax office, the cadastre ... So, to me on crutches this is a big
problem. And some departments moved to Koprivnica. Which I think is absurd. But it is a
completely different topic," resignedly concludes Marita.

*Three years without sleep and daily pain

However, there is help in the struggle with everyday life, but she says that she knows that with
her is not easy because it is not very "zen".

"Now this sounds like a justification, but for three years I have not slept well. I suffer
indescribable pain 24 hours a day. And of course you can not always be happy and in the
mood," she explains.

The welfare center pays her a guaranteed minimum fee and compensation for assistance and
care because she has no right to a disability pension since has not the age nor the years of
service. And the vicious circle closes because Marita, as expected, can not find a steady job,
and she says that at job interviews always occurs mostly the same:

"Before, I was walking with a cane. And was weird with people. Anyway ... theres an open
competition for a position in a company, I prepare myself, prepare a fresh resume and come
to talk. Everything is great until it comes to questions why I have a stick. Then every
conversation goes ill. They escort me politely, saying that they will call me within day or two,
but I never hear back from them. I understand that you do not have to call if the person is
not hired. But I do not understand how they can employ a person who has absolutely no
experience, the black or the white. Is it about how they go well together or what? Is not that
discrimination? ," she asks.

[The LGBT + community of believers. How do they feel when their Church attacks them,
their belief, their lives?]

I ask how is it that her disability does not pose a problem for those she has worked "off the
books":
"They did not mind because it was mostly translation jobs, and in those jobs you dont met
with people. If I did, then it would probably be a different story," she says.

*The triple discrimination

It could be said that Marita is doubly, if not triply discriminatedas a woman, as a person
with disabilities, and as a lesbian. In fact, it is well known that women of a certain age have it
worse to get a job, and when it comes to LGBT rights in Croatia, they are strong on paper,
but the practice often reveals the ugly side of reality. When we add the persistent attempts of
clericalization of the society, the situation is not too rosy.

"Yes, Ive done all that," she acknowledges, but she immediately "launches" on a review of the
Croatian practices: "The laws exist only on paper and are used to remove the unsuitable, and
for some to trample people's rights and freedom. You know what I mean. We Croats are
typically Balkan. Blue envelope, connections, lamb and theres work to do. Theres nothing
better, to be clear. As for clericalization of the society... I have a lot of hard feelings as a
lesbian, and as a woman, and as persons with disabilities, and as an atheist. "

[Before, I was walking with a cane. And was weird with people. Anyway ... theres an open
competition for a position in a company, I prepare myself, prepare a fresh resume and come
to talk. Everything is great until it comes to questions why I have a stick. Then every
conversation goes ill. They escort me politely, saying that they will call me within day or two,
but I never hear back from them.]

She tells me that she thinks that the Church should stop to meddle in politics and public life
and do their job, which is to take care of the faithful.

"It should follow the laws and secularity. And it should stop (but thats an ideal world)
attacking the LGBT + community. The LGBT + community of believers. How do they feel
when their Church attacks them, their belief, their lives?," she asks.

Marita points out that this is her opinion, but to me it is highlighted because she recently
volunteer engaged in the Pametno [Smart] party, but she does not speak for them.

She hopes, she says, that the party will soon make some changes for the better as far as the
position of the disabled. Because a person can be disabled and has a right to it, regardless of
the years of service and age, but some people can not get it, and that should be corrected.

"Out and Proud and I am not ashamed"

While talking, Marita does not mention her family. However, I wonder if they know that she
is a lesbian and support her.

"I am out to everyone. But everyone. I'm not ashamed of it. On the contrary. But I would
add that I totally understand the reasons why someone does not want and can not go out. I
do not have family support anymore. It is better now," says with a laugh and she adds that not
every family is fabulous.

[ I've always been and I will remain an outsider]

Finally we touch a topic that I mentioned earlierdiscrimination within the LGBT

community. Marita calls it "medical discrimination", and completely honestly, without any
preamble explains:

"I've always been and I will remain an outsider. Ive felt discrimination many times. So just go
to your forum and see what some girls on forum, which hereby send big greetings, write. You
do not need a lot to put two and two together. If I am, and I, invalid, it does not mean that
they can not provide what every woman needs. true, some things of a sexual nature can not.
But, can the other. and would not it be interesting to explore and play with the body that sets
the boundaries and then feel that you still have you won? it sounds really fun! and it's not
only now, but also in real life. you know our mentality, and people of LGBT + community
have not been vaccinated against it. while it would be nice if they did. "

When someone tells you that you can not be a friend because you have a disability

Speeches and that some girls and women rejected because of disability, not just the pleasant
ways. One she says, even said that there can not be a friend of a person with disabilities.

I tell her how often I hear that minorities who themselves discriminated automatically should
be compassionate, more tolerant, more understanding and things like that, but that's been my
experience that in practice most often is not so.

"Well, of course it is not. And why should they? At least some such, and some think. The
women are the most (laughs). They are all well and good until you get into a situation where
they have a choice - be associated with a disabled person or not . A fall in love with that
person. Some do not even ask how, what, where, where ... just go fly like birds out of the
cage. I'm not mad at them. I have no reason. But I'm angry at the fact that rising defensive
wall and just myself do not allow the opportunity to meet such a person. And that's a shame.
it's a shame. They does not know what they are losing. at least in my case, "says, again
laughing.

I throw all. But everyone. I'm not ashamed of it. Indeed. But I would add that I totally
understand the reasons why someone does not want and can not be out and proud. I do not
have longer support the family. A better me so

She concluded, Marita that is obviously not a good tactic to be honest and tell you right away
that you are disabled because, "imagine the surprises that show up on a date with crutches,
order a drink and casually pull out the straw ... It just would not be a successful combination,
is not it?" .

But she does not want to lie about herself: "I wish from the beginning, and no matter what to
be honest," says the final this girl that difficult circumstances are not broken down.

Therefore, the next time we are in misery because of a bad day at work, traffic jams,
Karamarkia*, Hasan*, Zokija* or perhaps because we have someone move the pressure on
Facebook, remember Marita.

She's 28, he can not move without crutches and deprived of a whole range of common things
that make life: There is no job and no family support. She lives on welfare. When I asked
her if she was sure that she wanted to reveal her identity, wondered why it's even asking.

"I do so because of other, that they feel better, they know that they are not only" she said
simply.

So Marita, the words of my late father, cap down.

*croatian politicians