Maritina story: here's how to be a lesbian with disabilities in Croatia

Imagine that you have 28 years, but the quality of life you already disrupted because of a
disability and several diagnoses, and as a result, you can move only with the help of crutches
and every day you need help with things that most people take for granted. In addition you
are a lesbian and you live in a small town in Croatia. Even you and work for years. All of this
is our brave interlocutor that of its not an easy life speaks under his full name.

Why call it "courageous"? Because it is in Croatia often enough to say that you are a lesbian,
and there you have the stigma. And if you are a lesbian and disabled, happiness has no end.
Her name is Marita Sheds and four years living in urevac where she came from Sibenik.

In the morning, need help to get out of bed. She can not cook, can not alone take a shower
since the apartment in which he lives has a bath instead of shower. When it rains, does not
come out because it can not hold an umbrella while walking on crutches. In winter, when the
snow, do not go out. He can not walk long, but every day is in pain. Diagnosis of that, he
says, went, it was a mutual scoliosis.

When you have a disability, no matter whether you are on crutches or in a wheelchair, you
are different

"Disability me marks, and how not to," he says. "Especially in a small town like this. When I
was out there, often stop me and ask me what I was. Why am on crutches. Why this, why
that ... Sometimes, when I'm less pain say that it is due to illness, but when really hurts (which
is often) I can be quite embarrassing. I do not like thrusting into someone else's life. When
you have a disability, no matter whether you are on crutches or in a wheelchair, you are
different. How it would not someone marked? the only thing a person can do in such a
situation is to realize that, no matter what, can still function normally, "says Marita
immediately that still can not be shaken.

Clearly it is not the people, unless they have the experience of his own family or circle of
friends / colleagues, they do not know, do not even think about being a person with a
disability: "Of course I do not think. People live their lives and think it's just them hard . this
does not diminish their problems, but it is different when you have problems like a healthy
person, and when you've got problems as invalid. Obstacles are there. Every day. "

When you have a disability, no matter whether you are on crutches or in a wheelchair, you
are different. As it would not be marked by someone? The only thing a person can do in this
situation is to realize that, no matter what, can still function normally

As for the (non) adaptability for people with disabilities, urevac is no exception compared
to other cities:

"It is not at all suited. Only the City Library and FINA custom. But the FINA I do not go
often. Everything should change, adapt. Not just for me, I'm not the only disabled person in
urevac. For the sake of other people with disabilities, and there are plenty of them. the city
administration, where there are also some state institutions, have poor access. A person in a
wheelchair can not go to the tax, the cadastre ... So to me on crutches this is a big problem.
and what are some departments moved to Koprivnica. What I think is absurd. but it is a
completely different topic, "resignedly concludes Marita.

Three years without sleep and daily pain

However, there is help in the struggle with everyday life, but says that he knows that with her
is not easy because it is not very "zen".

"Now this sounds like a justification or three years I did not sleep well. I suffer indescribable
pain 24 hours a day. And of course you can not always be happy and in the mood," he
explains.

The welfare center pays her a guaranteed minimum fee and compensation for assistance and
care because there is no right to a disability pension since there is no age and years of service.
And there is a vicious circle closes because Marita, as expected, can not find a steady job, and
says that at job interviews always occurs mostly the same:
"Before I was walking with a cane. And the people and it was weird. Anyway ... open
competition for a position in a company, I prepare, prepare a fresh resume and come to talk.
Everything is great until it comes to questions why I have a stick. Then every conversation
goes belly. Ispra me politely, saying that would occur for a day or two and never arise. I
understand that you do not have to know if the person is not a job. I do not understand how
they can employ a person who has absolutely no experience, the black or the white. is it to do
over or what? is not that discrimination? "he asks.

The LGBT + community has believers. How do they feel when their church attack them,
their belief, their life?

I wonder how that her disability did not mind those for whom she was working "off the
books":

"They did not mind because it was the most translation jobs and in those jobs have not met
with people. If I did, then it would probably be a different story," he says.

The triple discrimination

It could be said that Marita double, if not triple discriminated against - as women, persons
with disabilities and lesbian. In fact, she is well known that women of a certain age
disadvantaged, and when it LGBT rights in Croatia, we have a solid on paper, but the
practice often reveals the ugly side of reality. When we add the persistent attempts
clericalization society, the situation is not too rosy.

"Yes, I do," acknowledges, it is immediately "pull" the review Croatian practices: "The laws
exist only on paper and are used for the removal of unsuitable and that someone trampled
people's rights and freedom. You know what I mean. we Croats, we typically balkanjeros.
Blue envelope, bond, lamb and there you work. it is not there something better to
understand. as for clericalization society ... that I have a lot of complaints. and as a lesbian
and as a woman, and as persons with disabilities, and as an atheist. "

Before I walked with a cane. And the people and it was weird. Basically ... open competition
for a position in a company, I prepare, prepare a fresh resume and get an interview.
Everything is great until it comes to the question of why I have a stick. Then every
conversation goes belly. Escorted me politely, saying that would occur for a day or two and
never report

He tells me that he thinks that the Church should cease to meddle in politics and public life
and do my job, and that is to take care of the faithful.

"You should obey the laws and secularity. I should, but it's in an ideal world, stop attacking
the LGBT + community. The LGBT + community of believers. How do they feel when their
church attack them, their belief, their lives?" He asked .

Marita points out that this is her opinion, but to me the highlights because recently a
volunteer engaged in the party wisely and that it does not speak for them.

He hopes, he says, that the party will soon make some changes for the better as far as the
situation of the disabled. Because a person can not be disabled and are entitled to it,
regardless of years of service and age, some people can not, and it should be corrected.

"Aut'm all that and not ashamed"

Talking Marita does not mention family. However, I wonder if he knows that she's a lesbian
and does their support.

"I Aut everyone. But everyone. I'm not ashamed of it. On the contrary. But I would add that
I totally understand the reasons why someone does not want and can not autati. I have more
family support. A better me so," says with a laugh and He added that not every family is
fabulous.

I've always been and I will remain an outsider

Finally we touch and topics that I mentioned earlier - discrimination within the LGBT
community. Marita is called "medical discrimination" and completely honestly, without any
preamble says:
"I've always been and I will remain an outsider. I felt discrimination many times. So just go to
your forum and see what some forumaice, which hereby send big greetings, write. You do
not need a lot to put two and two together. If I am, and I, invalid, it does not mean that they
can not provide what every woman needs. true, some things of a sexual nature can not. But,
can the other. and would not it be interesting to explore and play with the body that sets the
boundaries and then feel that you still have you won? it sounds really fun! and it's not only
now, but also in real life. you know our mentality, and people and ljudice of LGBT +
community have not been vaccinated against it. while it would be nice if they did. "

When someone tells you that you can not be a friend because you have a disability

Speeches and that some girls and women rejected because of disability, not just the pleasant
ways. One she says, even said that there can not be a friend of a person with disabilities.

I tell her how often I hear that minorities who themselves discriminated automatically should
be compassionate, more tolerant, more understanding and things like that, but that's been my
experience that in practice most often is not so.

"Well, of course it is not. And why should they? At least some such, and some think. The
women are the most (laughs). They are all well and good until you get into a situation where
they have a choice - be associated with a disabled person or not . A fall in love with that
person. Some do not even ask how, what, where, where ... just go fly like birds out of the
cage. I'm not mad at them. I have no reason. But I'm angry at the fact that rising defensive
wall and just myself do not allow the opportunity to meet such a person. And that's a shame.
it's a shame. I do not know what they are losing. at least in my case, "says, again laughing.

I throw all. But everyone. I'm not ashamed of it. Indeed. But I would add that I totally
understand the reasons why someone does not want and can not autati. I no longer support
the family. A better me so

She concluded Marita that is obviously not a good tactic to be honest and tell you right away
that you are disabled because, "imagine the surprises that show up on a date with crutches,
order a drink and casually pull out the straw ... It just would not be a successful combination,
is not it?" .

But she does not want to lie about himself: "I wish from the beginning, and no matter what to
be honest," says the final this girl that difficult circumstances are not broken down.

Therefore, the next time we are in misery because of a bad day at work, traffic jams,
Karamarkia, Hasan, Zokija or perhaps because we have someone move the pressure on
Facebook, remember Marite.

She's 28, he can not move without crutches and deprived of a whole range of common things
that make life: There is no job and no family support. He lives on welfare. When I asked her
if she was sure that he wanted to reveal his identity, wondered why it's even asking.

"I do so because of other, that they feel better, they know that they are not only" she said
simply.

So Marita, the words of my late father, dripping down.