Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

Encounter and Awareness

Reflections on Bubers Theory of Relationships
This is not a balanced essay, for balance often qualifies insight out of existence. Sallie McFague

Abstract Encounter, awareness and transcendence are areas of deep reflection, especially for Trainee Counselling Psychologists. These topics are fundamental to both Existential and Transpersonal approaches to therapy with their emphasis on personal responsibility and our existential journey of self-transcendence. This short and informal paper is the first of two designed as pre-reading material on a Personal Development Module of a Doctorate Course. It outlines some important aspects of Martin Bubers work on encounter and awareness and touches briefly on aspects of transcendence, which is the topic of the 2nd paper. It briefly explores 1st , 2nd and 3rd person perspectives of relating and then focuses on Bubers twin modes of relating , namely the I-Thou and I-It pairs. It finally looks at spiritual aspects of Bubers work and its connections with both Aboriginal and Celtic Spirituality and the connections with the Hindu concept of Advaita. Although this short paper accompanied by a set of experiential exercises, is designed for a Doctorate Course, its contents can be read separately and provide a useful introduction to Bubers work.

Introduction Throughout the ages philosophers, sages, mystics and, more recently, psychologists have likened our life in this body-psyche to a journey. Many events on the journey are uncertain but two things are definite. Firstly, we enter into our body-psyche life and secondly we exit. During the journey we experience many encounters with people and with our environment. In doing so, we (hopefully) grow to some degree in awareness of our self, of others and of our environment. The importance of encounter and relationship on the journey is acknowledged and stressed by all the Humanistic, Existential and Transpersonal approaches. In addition , depending upon the theory or approach to therapy, they also acknowledge the holistic nature of what it means to be human and the importance of developing our awareness of how we relate physically, psychologically and spiritually both at the intra-psychic and inter-personal levels.

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

Questions on the nature of what it is to be human and how we can relate to ourselves, to each other, to our environment and to the spiritual, both within and without, are perennial in their nature. These are not new questions neither are they particular to our age or to modern western psychology. All cultures, and particularly the aboriginal peoples and those of the East, have throughout time reflected on relationships, encounter and awareness at the holistic level and have pondered these perennial and existential questions. Creagh (2007), comments on some of the spiritual and environmental aspects of ancient peoples, particularly those of the Celts and the Australian Aboriginals, and how these inform their holistic approach to relating and to their sense of connectedness with all. This all includes, self, others, the environment and the sense of the spiritual. One of the leading figures and influences in the area of encounter in the past 100 years is Martin Buber. Gregor Smith (1958) introduces Bubers major work I-Thou and explores and expands on Bubers thesis on human existence and his philosophy of dialogue and relationship at the personal, environmental and spiritual levels. Bubers work, along with many of the existentialists, was influenced by , amongst many, Kierkegaard one of the leading thinkers in existentialism, and in turn he has influenced much of the Humanistic- Existential and Transpersonal branches of Therapy. These reflections will initially explore some of the major concept of Bubers theory as it applies to human relationships .They will outline some of the spiritual aspects of his work and on how these relate with, and are similar to, both Celtic and Hindu concepts of spirituality and the ensuing nature of the relationship between the person and Absolute Reality/God. This last point and further aspects of Celtic and Hindu and Cosmic spiritual traditions are covered in Bradley (2003) and Abishtiktananda (1974) respectively. It is not intended that these notes act as a comprehensive intellectual and academic response to, or critique of, Bubers work. In fact, the central concept of encounter, relationship and awareness is experiential and it is not open to an over emphasis on the intellect. These notes are intended to provoke more questions than they set out to answer and are an attempt to provide the basis for exploration and further discussion and thus provide some understanding of the importance of Bubers work. They are also an effort to encourage and support further exploration and discussion in the areas of existential and transpersonal approaches that could lead to beneficial personal development. Personal Aspects of Bubers Work Buber worked upon the premise of existence as encounter. This was an encounter between a person and others and with his/her environment. Human beings possess reflective consciousness and thus have the intrinsic ability to relate and encounter from a 1st, 2nd and 3rd person perspective. Bubers twin pairs ( I-Thou and I-It ) certainly deal with 2nd and 3rd person perspectives and with his spiritual approach to encounter and awareness it deal with all three aspects.
Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

This aspect of encounter is central to Bubers work and has certainly influenced many aspects of Person Centred Encounter Groups. Bozarth (1998) 1 , commenting on Rogers emphasis on the importance of encounter and encounter groups, outlines some primary factors in person-centred groups that differ from normal Group Theory. Therefore the importance and place of encounter is central to the Person Centred Approach and particularly to Personal Development Groups. This importance of encounter is accepted by both the Existential and Trans-personal approaches. Both approaches to therapy emphasise the importance of self-actualisation and, more recently, self-transcendence. But the theme of encounter and relationships is a good starting point in any exploration of Bubers view of human relationships. Bubers major theme ,or contention , concerning relationship and encounter is that human existence may be defined by the way in which we both relate and engage in dialogue with ourselves, with each other, with our world, and with Ultimate Reality/ God/Spirit, by whatever name we choose to call It. For Buber, relationships are holistic and involve all aspects of what it is to be human. Buber explained this philosophy of relationship using the word pairs of I- Thou and I - It. With these pairs he outlines two modes of consciousness, encounter and being through which an individual engages with other individuals, the world and with reality/Reality 2. In other words, he suggests that people adopt two attitudes toward relating with the world and with others, either as I-Thou (I-You) or I-It. Philosophically ,psychologically and spiritually these two attitudes towards relating express very complex ideas about ways of being and relating and particularly how a person exists,actualises and eventually transcends that existence. Buber argues in his major work, I and Thou , that a person is at all times engaged with the world in one of these modes. He describes these dual modes of being/relating as one of dialogue for the I/Thou and one of monologue for the I/It. Incidentally, some of these concepts also underpin Humanistic Approaches to therapy and have also influenced a branch of psychology known as Existentialism. Frankl (2000),Yalom(1980) and May ( 1992) together provide a very good introduction to this approach. But now to look at Bubers twin pairs/modes of relating. The I-Thou Mode The I-Thou mode is a way of relating that is subject-to-subject, where we are aware of each other in an holistic manner without the concept of false boundaries. To put it another way, in the I/Thou relationship we do not perceive each other as consisting of defined and separated persons with different parts or qualities, but we engage in a dialogue involving each other's whole being Body- Psyche and Spirit. The I-ITMode In the I-It mode we relate and engage at the subject-to-object level. At this level we do perceive each other as consisting of defined and separated parts and thus view ourselves, and others, as part of a world which consists of things with distinct boundaries.

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

Therefore, whilst the I-Thou is a relationship of mutuality and reciprocity, the I-It relationship is one of separateness and detachment. Buber contends that we regularly switch between these modes i.e. from I-Thou to the I-It and vice versa. Thus, we encounter the I-Thou relationship as a direct interpersonal relationship with the other. Love is such a relationship. True love (at its purest) does not perceive the other as an object. It is a relationship in which lovers share this unity of being and in doing so share a sense of caring, respect, commitment, and responsibility. It is also a relationship where mutuality and authenticity can aspire to their greatest. This aspect of relationships and boundaries, which is crucial to any understanding of holistic and integral psychology is dealt with in greater detail by Wilber (2001). Now, Buber acknowledges that the I-Thou relationship is an ideal relationship. Whereas, the I-It relationship, one in which the world and our environment are viewed as consisting of knowable objects or things, is the means by which we analyse our world. Therefore it is more common for us to spend much of the time relating in this I- It way. Arguably, genuine holistic encounter can only occur in the I-Thou relationship.However, as previously stated, the I-It relationship can become an I-Thou relationship, and it is in this relationship that we interact more genuinely with the world. This last statement brings in the issue of how people could or can relate to themselves, each other and their environment and nature. Creagh (2007) argues that this echoes how the majority of the Aboriginal peoples of the world related and continue to relate to their environment. Therefore, this I-Thou relationship is arguably one that we desperately need to re-capture and rekindle for the sake of the Environment and ultimately for the sake of our own survival as a species. Consequently, Bubers work continues to influence and guide many environmentalists. Reflections on the Spiritual Aspects of Bubers Theory Now, encounter is a central concept for Buber and for his theory of relating. For him this encounter occurs with God / Spirit ,who is the eternal Thou and thus sustains the I-Thou relationship. For Buber the hyphen in the I- Thou relationship is the Spirit. Before continuing, it is important to recognise that our human ability to relate with 1st, 2nd and 3rd person perspectives of ourselves, each other and our world merely mirrors our ability to relate spiritually. Simple examples are as follows: Here we have an experience of inter-connectedness , 3rd Person Spirituality particularly with our environment and the Cosmos. This spiritual encounter often occurs when we view nature, or the stars or listen to music. 2nd Person Spirituality This is the essence of a true I-Thou relationship and will be dealt with in greater detail in this paper. 1st Person Spirituality This is an uniquely personal experience of the Spirit and has occurred with great mystics like the Buddha, Jesus , Mohammed and Guru Nanak. However, it is an experience open to all and can usually be accessed through meditative and contemplative practices such as Yoga, Mindfulness and Meditation .
Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

For Buber , the spiritual relationship ( whether 1st, 2nd or 3rd person) is one of total encounter and can, for example, be equated to the encounters of the Jewish Scriptures and the Hindu Upanishads 3. It also has echoes from Celtic Spirituality, where presence is such an important part of encounter (See Creagh 2005) 4. In this encounter, this Presence, this I/Thou relationship between the person, others , the environment and Spirit, there is a unity of being, a sense of indwelling presence one to the other. Thus there is no barrier of other relationships which separate the individual from Ultimate Reality/God/Spirit, and thus there is direct communication. All is seen as Presence, be it God, nature, the environment or people. Buber also maintains that, the eternal Thou is neither an object of experience, nor an object of thought nor something which can be investigated or examined, it merely IS!. This is somewhat similar to the Hindu concept of ( what Ultimate Reality/God is) and thus, in answer to the existential question posed in the great Hindu Upanishads Is God this or this ? the response is neti, neti, which translates as Not this, Not this 5. Similarly, in Daoism the Dao ( the Way) cannot be described. Lao Tzu, the Daoist Master puts it like this the thing that can be named cannot be the Dao Abishtiktananda(1974 p5) commenting on this unnameable Presence ( another attempt to describe the Unknown and Unknowable ) says Man only begins to know God truly when he realises that he knows nothing about him . Thus the eternal Thou (Absolute Reality/ God by whatever name you choose to use) is not a knowable object and certainly cannot be found or experienced in pure words or concepts. This It is essentially Mystery. Hence the Hindu assertion that God ( Brahman or Ultimate Reality) is neti, neti. This is also related to the ancient Hindu concept and experience of advaita nonduality or not two. Before we explore the dilemma posed by advaita and how we could relate with Reality, a short exploration of non-duality and its challenge to mainstream Western concepts and thinking now follows. This concept of, or more properly this experience of, advaita (non-duality) poses a challenge to the Hellenistic (Western) tendency to split things and to try to use rational thought to think about and explain Absolute Reality. The tendency to intellectualise Reality strongly influences and permeates Western Culture and therefore the majority of western approaches to psychology. It could be said that whereas the Western approach focuses on the head, the Eastern approach is one from the heart and this heart is not a body-psyche experience but one that is spiritual. Therefore, in the mainstream monotheistic religions of the West Judaism, Christianity and Islam, there has been a tendency towards dualism. This can result in splitting God/ Absolute Reality into a Transcendent God, who is outside, and an Immanent God who can be inside a classical concept of the dualistic nature of God/Absolute Reality. This has led Western religions to pose a relationship with God as one where God is outside or up there and we humans are down here. Consequently, it is this dualistic nature that informs the mainstream ideas of Reality/God. Whereas Hinduism, along with other Eastern Traditions such as Buddhism and Daoism, does not share this view and adopts the neti, neti, principle of non-duality.

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

In fact the Mystics of all Traditions see no boundaries between the I and the Thou and in fairness to the three western monotheistic traditions, their mystical and esoteric branches do adopt something similar to the principle of advaita. This is best represented by Mystics of Christianitys Desert Fathers and by the Sufis of Islam. Buber, who was influenced by the esoteric branch of Hasidic Judaism, would probably have had much more in common with the Sufis and the Desert Fathers and thus with many of the concepts and ideas of Eastern Spirituality. Now, back to the seeming dilemma posed by advaita. How can we then know the Reality who is the eternal Thou and who IS ?. A possible answer to this perennial existential question has been found by the mystics of all ages and all Faith traditions. It is in paradox. The paradox is that the eternal Thou can be known and that this knowing is experienced as an encounter at the heart of ones being, in what the Hindu Upanishads call The Cave of the Heart 6 , a 1st person spiritual encounter. Readers wishing to explore this at a greater depth can find an excellent exposition of this concept of the cave of the heart in Mascoros translation of the Chandoga Upanishad (8.1) and in other Upanishads and also in Abistiktanandas writings. This knowing is experienced as the absolute Person/Unity who gives unity to all being/beings and therefore, at this essential level, there are no boundaries as the I and the Thou merge into the I Am. Buber further suggests that the I/Thou relationship between the individual and God/Spirit is a universal relationship which is the foundation for all other relationships. If the individual has a real I/Thou relationship with God, then the individual must have, and certainly has the capacity to experience, a real I/Thou relationship with others and the world. Thus, for Buber, this philosophy or theory of personal dialogue could provide us with a method that would facilitate our development of an awareness of ourselves, others and our environment and help us to recognise and accept personal responsibility for all our relationships. Conclusions These short reflections have attempted to outline some of the major aspects that inform our relationships at a holistic level. They have begun to explore and explain the main aspects of Bubers concepts on relationships and particularly his emphasis on encounter and the dialogue versus monologue nature of the I/Thou versus I/It ways of relating. They also outlined Bubers contention that we all alternate or switch between these two ways. They have begun the exploration of the spiritual nature of all relationships both from Bubers perspective but also from that of the mystical revelations of the Aboriginal cosmic spiritual traditions from both East and West, particularly the Celts and that of the worlds oldest religion, namely Hinduism. The essential nature of advaita non-duality was briefly explored and the challenge this posed to western cultural and particularly psychological approaches, these being heavily influenced by the Hellenistic attempt to not only split things but also to attempt to intellectualise everything.

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

Hopefully, these reflections have provided some basis for further exploration of existential and trans-personal aspects of personal development at the body psyche spiritual levels. Several questions have been posed and some suggested reading material (see Bibliography). In addition, reading these notes has hopefully, provoked, and will continue to provoke, some personal reflections on the nature of encounter, of awareness and of all relationships and particularly the importance of experiential encounter at a subject-to-subject or I/Thou level. Finally, in our current and on-going reflections, on our own unique personal journey, it may help us in our efforts to grow in awareness of self, of others and , if we so choose, of the spiritual nature of what is means to be. These words of Hildegard of Bingen provide a very clear statement on the authors view of encounter, relatedness and the sense of inter-connectedness. They also echo much of what Celtic Culture and Spirituality proclaims. Everything that is in heaven, on the earth, and under the earth is penetrated with connectedness, penetrated with relatedness. Now Hildegard lived in early Medieval Germany and her works may or may not have been familiar to Buber. However, there is little doubt that Buber would have concurred with her sentiments, as they perfectly convey the spirit of his work on encounter.
Peter Creagh

NOTES
1

Bozarth,J (1998) Person Centered Therapy A Revolutionary Paradigm Ross-on-Wye, PCCS, Chaps 18 & 19. In addition, personal communication between Bozarth,J and Creagh,P have contained references to Bozarths 5 Axioms for Group Encounters. These are the subject of a separate Personal Development Seminar for Trainees on the Doctorate and MSc in Counselling Psychology at the University of Wolverhampton.

The difference between reality/Reality is that the use of Reality denotes Absolute Reality or any name or symbol that is used to refer to God; whereas, the use of the term reality indicates our awareness of, and inter-action with, our physical/psychological environment at an inner and outer level. Bubers concept of encounter is not new but merely re-states what most of the mystical traditions assert. The encounter he suggests is similar to Moses encounter with the I AM (Exodus 3: 1-20) and the I AM of the Hindu Upanishads (see Bibliography) or the Celtic concept of Presence in all relationships (see note 4 below). This sense of an holistic encounter with Presence, which is shared by all the Aboriginal peoples, leads to a sense of a Cosmic Spirituality. Nonetheless, Bubers contribution to the discussion and growth of awareness concerning encounter is an important restatement for the modern era,

Creagh (2005) Echoes of Creation is based on a series of Lenten Seminars delivered to an Anglican Group in Lent 2005 and reprinted in the Satsang Journal. The Celtic stress on the four Ps of Celtic Spirituality, sense of Presence, importance of Place, view of outer Pilgrimage mirroring the inner journey and finally the importance of Prayer in all situations, times and seasons. These 4 Ps are central to the Celtic concept of and relationship with Reality (God or the Chief of Chiefs). This predates Buber by almost 3000 years and is remarkably similar to the concepts of classical Hinduism. It also resembles and reflects much of the underlying philosophy and psychology of Buddhism.
5

Abishtiktananda, Saccidananda A Christian Approach to Advaitic Experience, (New Delhi: ISPCK, 1974) p.39. Abishtiktananda was a Western Christian monk, who spent almost 30 years in India. He was, and is, accepted by many of the Hindu Gurus as a genuine Mystic. He played a major part in the establishment and growth of Hindu: Christian dialogue. Advaita (Sanskrit) means not two or non-duality . Mascaro,J (1965) The Upanishads London, Penguin (Chandoga Upanishad, 8.1) p125

a complementary exercise follows after the Bibliography.

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Abishtiktananda, Saccidananda A Christian Approach to Advaitic Experience ,ISPCK, New Delhi ,1974 Bozarth, Jerald Person Centered Therapy A revolutionary Paradigm PCCS, Ross-on-Wye, 1998 Bradley,Ian The Celtic Way , , Darton-Longman-Todd, London,2003 Buber ,Martin(1937) , I and Thou, transl. by Ronald Gregor Smith, Edinburgh: and T. Clark, 2nd Edition New York: Scribners, 1958. Creagh,Peter, Echoes of Creation Reflections on Celtic Spirituality INDWELLING, The Journal of the International Satsang Association ( UK Midlands and North) Autumn and Winter 2005 Creagh,Peter Our Mystical Inheritance Reflections on Aboriginal Spiritualities ,INDWELLING :- The Journal of the International Satsang Association ( UK Midlands and North) Spring 2007 Frankl,Viktor Mans Search for Ultimate Meaning Basic Books , New York, 2000

Griffiths,Bede A New Vision of Reality Fount, London, 1989 Griffiths,Bede The Marriage of East and West ,Fount, London,1982

Mataji, Ishpriya , Spiritual Direction Letters , Letters to Peter Creagh , 1992-2008, Shifnal, Shropshire,UK Mascaro,Juan The Upanishads , , Penguin, London 1965 May, Rolo , The Art of Counselling , , Souvenir Press, London 1992 O Murchu, Diarmuid Reclaiming Spirituality , The Crossroads Publishing Co, New York, 1997 Wilber,Ken No Boundaries Eastern and Western Approaches to Personal Growth Shambala, Boston, 2001 Yalom,Irvin,D ,Existential Psychology ,New York,Basic Books Inc,1980

Some Further Internet Resources www.buber.de The official German website. www.seop.leeds.ac.uk/entries/buber/ Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy

Note
If these notes forms part of a formal presentation, then they are complemented by an exercise which facilitates, personal and group reflection followed by a Group discussion

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC

Personal Development - Bubers Theory of Relationships

I:THOU & I : IT RELATIONSHIPS Experiential Exercises

Purpose:
To prepare for participation in a experiential PD Module based on Existential and Transpersonal approaches to therapy. These to include existential and spiritual approaches to life.

STAGE 1:- PRE-REFLECTIONS

1. 2. 3. Read the handout/short paper in the preceding pages prior to commencing Year 2 of the Doctorate Note down at least 3 first responses to the ideas Take these as on-going reflections into Stage 2 and then into Stage 3 (shortly after you commence Year 2)

STAGE 2:- RELATIONSHIPS IN LIFE

1 Over the next few weeks looks for those ( often fleeting) times when you sense and/or experience being treated in : a. An I : THOU Way relationships of dialogue

b. An I : IT Way relationships of monologue 2 3 4 Find more meaningful relationship(s) to focus on both a0 and b0 above and reflect on these at greater length and depth Where possible and ( if it proves) helpful, Journal on all the above Before attending the 1st formal PD session, reflect on your first three responses and particularly on 1 or 2 overall reflections on relationships and be prepared to take these to a brief experiential exercise when the PD Group meet

STAGE 3:- REFLECTIONS WITH PD GROUP during Session 1

When PD Group meets for 1st or more probably the 2nd session and its introduction to the Module, we will share a. Our 3 first responses b. At least ONE significant reflection from Stage 2
email : petercreagh43@virginmedia.com 1buber.doc

Heartsease Training, Shifnal Shropshire

2009,2012(major revision) - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC