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Copyright Kelsey Diamond and obsessionphrases.com

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If youre in a relationship for a long enough time, then
inevitably, theres going to come a point when the bigger
questions become impossible to ignore. Some of these
questions may be:

What does your man really desire in his life more than
anything?

Does your man honestly envision you as a permanent

presence in the grand scheme of the rest of his life?

Can the two of you actually achieve your dreams while

still being romantically committed to one another?

The thing that all of these intense questions share in common is

that they demand that your man decides whether or not he can
actually commit to you.

Naturally, it is incredibly rare that a man would be able to form

a rational answer to these emotionally loaded questions
overnight.

There are plenty of women who are disappointed when their

man cant give them a definite answer to these types of
questions at the very minute that they ask, and I cannot stress
how important it is to refrain from making the same mistake.

These questions cannot be answered honestly without a

momentous amount of soul searching, and even then,
confidently arriving at a definite answer to them all may be
impossible for a lot of people.

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The sheer volume of processing time that a man requires just
to roll and knead these questions around in his mind until
answers can take a discernible form is tremendous.

We need to consider the fact that men, by their nature, prefer

to communicate through their actions instead of depending on
words alone.

With questions that probe the way that your man intends of
spending the rest of his life, you are going to have to allow your
man the opportunity to show if what he does is congruent to
your hopes for the relationship.

Believe or not, in the same way that a lot of women hope that
their men will be able to pick up on the subtext of the things
that they say, a lot of men secretly hope that their women will
be able to pick up on the subtext of the things that they do.

Words can be misinterpreted and misrepresented, but the

effects of actions are objective and undeniable.

If you want to get an accurate forecast for the way that your
man intends on spending the rest of his life, then youll be able
to get an accurate reading for the things he does and the way
that he conducts himself in the present time.

Men are popularly interpreted as being forthcoming and direct

about most things that they believe and think, but thats not
entirely true.

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Men are more likely to proactively act out in accordance to what
they believe in their hearts, which is more blatant than spoken
words, but even these actions may not always be a one-
hundred percent clear indication of everything thats going on in
their minds.

If you dont pay enough attention, you might wind up missing

out on a hidden message that a man is trying to make apparent
to you through certain things he does and the way that he does
them.

If you want to ensure that you can observe how your man
naturally structures his life when left to his own devices, and
also that he has optimal processing time to cognitively work
through the bulk of these extremely serious questions, then you
have to allow him a proper amount of space to work things out

In the process of forming appropriate and honest answers to

these kinds of questions, you may find that your man has to
share information with you that he never actually revealed to
you before.

When youre asking these types of questions, always be

prepared to potentially receive answers that you didnt even
anticipate being relevant.

It would be wonderful if a man could always give a one hundred

percent portrayal of our innermost desires with a word, but
when his own intentions may not even be completely clear to
him himself, he will have no other choice than to hope that
what he wants can bleed out into what he is able (or not able)
to actually exhibit to you with his actions.

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While its true that his actions will be a stronger indication of his
commitment than his words, the amount of previously unknown
things that hes willing to disclose to you can serve as a fairly
reliable indication of exactly how close he considers you to be to
him at the present moment in time.

No matter what the case, who he is or how long youve been

together, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you
capitalize upon maintaining a real level of respect for your
mans need to logically solve the puzzle in his mind that will
allow him to make what he thinks is the most sensible decision.

Men both need and want to be appreciated for their ability to

solve problems as they arise, and considering the fact that this
problem is something thats extremely personal for him, theres
an even greater need to respect his need to try and logically
work out the puzzle in his mind.

As the man is biologically attuned to desire filling the need to

be a leader and provider, assessing his own readiness to enter a
committed relationship and potentially be the head of a brand
new family will carry and extreme level of gravity.

There will be very few other things in his life that he will both
feel compelled to and objectively need to rationally work out
then whether or not its wise for him to commit to a woman for
good therefore, seeing as this is something that directly
affects you yourself, you naturally want him to be fully capable
of answering the question in a healthy state of mind.

Unfortunately, not all women have learned to accommodate the

extremely necessary amount of time and space that a man
needs to solve what may be the absolute biggest puzzle of
entire his entire life.

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When a mans need for space isnt honored in even a casual
setting, in every day life, it is one of the most unpleasant
sensations that he ever has to experience that feeling is ten
times stronger when it comes to the concept of commitment,
and so you can understand why pressuring him isnt the best
course of action in this case.

There is only so much that a man can be pressured before he

finds that he has no other recourse other than to withdraw until
whatever is pressuring him no longer seems like as much as a
threat.

If youre looking to actually commit to your man and not have

him dedicate the rest of his life to staying as far away from you
as possible, then you can probably understand why it would be
fairly counterproductive to become the source of pressure in his
life that makes him want to hop on the fastest horse he can find
and ride away.

Youll recall what I mentioned in the previous section about the

importance of knowing how to temporarily set aside your own
emotions in order to give more leverage to the mans logical
calculations regarding the situation.

Its really a fairly simple equation to remember when it comes

to understanding the power that you have to make commitment
with your man more or less likely. More pressure equals worse
chances, and less pressure equals better chances it is
legitimately no more complex than that.

You may feel it in your heart that the relationship has to be, but
if you project that too strongly, youll be ruining the chances of
your own hopes coming true.

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What you desire from your man is an answer to your question,
and so your objective should be to provide your man with the
conditions that are most conducive to rationally forming an
answer.

The nature of these questions makes them some of the most

emotionally charged things in the world to mentally approach,
but at the same time, you must not attempt to appeal to your
man emotionally.

When you approach a man while being in the throes of your

emotions, you lose the ability to accurately gauge the real risk
to benefit ratio of the things that you say.

If youre not considering the potential impact on your man that

your pure emotional force can have, youll be liable to make
him feel like youre trying to push him to an answer.

When a woman emotionally approaches her man because of an

emotional need to have her question answered, shes thinking
that the sooner he gives his answer, the better.

The critical flaw in this logic is that it fails to recognize that

acting in such a way will actually increase the odds of the man
disappearing without giving any answer at all.

If he does give a swift answer while being hit by an immense

emotional volley from his partner, theres a high chance that it
will be a knee-jerk refusal instead of an honest explanation.

Allowing your man the space he needs to logically craft his

answers will provide him with the opportunity to embrace the
use of logical knowledge to solve problems, as he was designed
by nature.

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It may be difficult to set aside your emotions until he is ready,
but the very nature of a relationship itself demands sacrifices
that will oftentimes be far greater than only waiting for the
answer to a question -considering this, many women find out
that these personal questions do not only test their mens
willingness to embrace what it means to be selfless.

To a mans mind, a quick answer to a question like this equates

to a problem. He may try to deny the fact that something feels
wrong about it, but you can bet that within his deeper level of
consciousness, he will strongly doubt the wisdom of making an
extremely hasty decision about committing before hes had
proper time to fully work things out.

A man will usually have to logically question whether or not he

even comprehends what you even want from him in the first
place. He needs to logically have at least what feels like a
complete, concrete idea of exactly what your intentions and
desires are.

In addition to understanding what it is that youre looking for,

he needs to take the time to figure out the way that he wants
to communicate his response to you.

He needs to think about whether or not the way that he delivers

his answer could be more beneficial or detrimental.

Its highly understandable that you would very much like to be

on the same basic wavelength as your man in order to be able
to most cohesively deal with the implications that these
questions have for the rest of your relationship, whatever his
answers might actually be.

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To synchronize with him while he works things out, youve got
to be as logical as him.

Emotionally approaching in this scenario will only serve to make

things a lot harder for the both of you while increasing the
likelihood that hell refuse to take the relationship any further
along than its already come.

It is absolutely necessary that you approach the man from a

place of rational logic if youd actually like to connect with him
in a way thats going to work.

It may be emotionally taxing and even painful, but its the kind
of pain that signifies the chance of something much greater
being developed underneath the immediately perceivable
discomfort.

Heres something else that youve got to consider when it

comes to the necessity of respecting your mans need to
logically analyze the concept of commitment to you when it
comes to being able to make a strong logical assessment, it is
extremely important that there are a few immediate
distractions as possible.

The necessity for a clear head in order to rationally make logical

decisions is why the space is so extremely important to so
many men.

Men have an extremely deep, almost vital need to be entitled to

their personal space whenever they need it. Space, to a man,
could be considered on the same level as bodily nourishment.

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If a man isnt able to have the level of space that he desires,
then its legitimately just about on the same level as being
denied a right to food and water. With minimal food and water,
the body gradually grows slower, weaker, and increasingly
fragile until it eventually expires the same principle can be
applied to a mans space and his mental health.

Smothering a man and denying him access to his personal

space actually causes quantifiable damage to his well-being. He
may not be starving or dehydrated, but without space, hes
being deprived of a quintessential element tied to his ability to
perceive and understand the entire world around him.

Now, what happens when a human being is struggling for food

and water beyond what is available in their immediate
surroundings? That hungry, thirsty person is going to
instinctually be driven to use the full extent of their abilities to
escape that immediate environment and find a new source of
food and water as quickly as possible.

When you deprive a man of his ability to just peacefully think

over whats puzzling him, youll be sending him the message
that you create an environment in which he is unable to access
something that is as important to him as food and water. Hes
going to want to escape that environment, the one in which you
are a presence, desperately, swiftly, and permanently.

So, if your man very deeply desires his access to thinking

space, are you going to provide him with it or keep him away
from it? If you would choose to deprive your man of the thing
that nourishes his sense of being just to increase the chances of
getting the answer that youd like, then your entire hope for the
relationship is based on a corrupted foundation.

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Even if he were to eventually give in and decide to say yes in
response to your unrelenting pressure, the relationship that
ensues will not be one of exclusivity.

He is going to be malnourished in terms of respect for his

space, and inevitably, hes going to wind up seeking out the
companionship of someone who provides that for him
whether or not the two of you are technically in the constrictive
relationship.

So, if youve made the decision to be source of what your man

needs instead of the reason that he cant have it, youve made
the proper first step in the process towards a much more
cohesive level of understanding between the two of you.

When your man has his space, he will be able to realize the
fullest potential of his own strength and reasoning powers,
which will lead to him being far more capable of being the kind
of partner that you can actually depend on in serious situations.

You wouldnt believe how many women seem to not understand

that in order to actually keep a man that wants to be with
them, they have to actually try to avoid creating a relationship
in which the man desires an escape.

Either provide your man with the nourishment he needs to be in

a healthy state of mind to make an extremely important
decision, or deprive him of that nourishment and risk
everything getting ruined in a moment the choice is
legitimately as simple as that.

At the very worst, you could actually end up doing something

thats a lot more problematic than making your man want to
get out of a potential relationship with you. If you are seriously
relentless in how you rush after your man in the pursuit of a

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relationship, then you could actually risk turning your man into
a legitimate enemy.

Its one thing for a man to just not want to commit to you, but
if you make it so that your man cant even stand to be around
you, then you have a much more critical issue on your hands.
Pushing too hard could very well cause your man to
unconsciously dislike you, and once that happens, theres no
going back to a place that was good for the two of you.

Dont let the potentially icy feeling of complete rationalization

discourage you. Providing space is certainly challenging, but
dont forget that the reason youre doing it for the sake of
making it as easy as possible to make an honest and well-
informed decision that is true to the kind of person that he is.

In any relationship that can exist for the right reasons, honesty
comes before just sustaining the status being together, which is
extremely hollow. For every second that you wish he could be
right there with you, he is moving one bit closer to potentially
realizing exact reasons why being next to you is something that
he can legitimately enjoy doing for the rest of his life.

Giving your man the space to work things out will test how
much you truly desire the relationship itself, depending on how
much youre willing to go without him for the sake of waiting for
confirmation of whether or not commitment is something that
he values.

Youre probably aware of the metaphor of someone breathing

down another persons neck, but have you ever actually
physically had someone breathing down the back of your neck
while you were trying to focus on something right in front of
you?

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I certainly hope not, because it is legitimately one of the most
frustrating things to deal with in the entire world.

When someone is breathing directly down the back of your

neck, its almost as if you legitimately cant even think in the
right direction. You try your hardest to make due with as much
focus as you can muster, but their continued presence just
seems to steal away the power from the atoms in your brain
that could be working on a solution.

When you dont give your man enough space, you are
essentially putting him through the same tortuous treatment as
a person who breathes down anothers neck, literally, when
theyre trying to work if you care for your man, youll
understand why this is something that is better off avoided if
you can help it.

Heres something else that you would greatly benefit from

remaining conscious of if you nag your man too consistently
for him to focus on the issue at hand, eventually, he will stop
trying to solve the problem and focus on other questions that
you are bringing up to him in the meantime.

In order to ensure that this process can be completed as

smoothly as possible, it would be highly beneficial that you do
your best keep the entire thing contained to a short and sweet
formula:

1. Ask your man the heavy question

2. Acknowledge that you cant expect to get your answer right
away
3. Use the heaviness of the question as a pivot point for
creating more space

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4. Give that required space that your man needs

Not only are you going to be providing your man the space he
needs, but at the same time, youre going to make sure that
you verbally acknowledge that your man needs that space in
question. Youre going to see to it that he knows why youre
providing him that space he needs, so that while hes thinking,
he knows youre not just up and leaving.

This is not a mind game. Even though this is certainly an

effective way to lay the foundation for a healthy relationship,
you are not looking to manipulate your man into committing to
you. If you can pull this off, youll do so while on the same page
as your man the entire time that youre going about the
process.

When you plainly tell him exactly why youre going giving him
the distance after youve asked the question, hell see that you
have a certain level of understanding about the nature of how
men solve problems that not many women are fully aware of.

Now, there are certainly different ways that you could actually
go about telling your man that youre going to be taking a little
of time to give him the space he needs to think over what you
asked him. Heres an example of one of the better ways that
you could verbally communicate what the purpose of the
distance is:

Now I know this is a pretty loaded question, and I also know

that you have been working hard to be the best man that you
can be, for me. But I really need you to consider what Ive
asked, so I am going to leave you alone for now, to give you
the space to think about that. I want you to know though, that
I am here if you need to vent, or talk about anything.

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Or

Id love to be with you but I know you have a lot going on in

your life right now, so I dont expect you to just make a
decision about this overnight. I just had to let you know how I
felt before it was too late. Im going to let you take care of
business, but I hope you think about what I said. If you need to
talk it through with me, Im here for you.

As you can see from these simple examples here, its a lot more
effective if you can actually make it clear that your reason for
pulling off is not some passive-aggressive way to test him.

A lot of women will get it right by deciding to create a bit of

distance, but then theyll take it too far and make it seem as
though all they really want to do is kick their man to the curb.
You need to make a point to clarify to your man that you do
have feelings for him, but you respect his priorities more than
you just want him to agree to a relationship.

As we have gone over in the previous sections, a man tends to

legitimately value the amount that a person respects him more
than the amount that somebody loves him. Love is a beautiful
thing, but it must never be used as an excuse for inconsiderate
thoughts or behavior.

Naturally, as youre working through what to say in order to let

him know that youll be there for him, youre going to want to
try and avoid making it sound as though youre going to have
some kind of nervous breakdown if things dont wind up going
exactly the way that you hoped.

As this is an exercise as being as logical and reasonable as

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possible, it would be very wise if you made a point to stay away
from using heavily emotional terms to describe the way that
you are feeling.

If you are overly emotional in how you present this prospect, it

could lead to your man believing that you might actually be
slightly too attached this could very well lead to him making
the assumption that if he refuses openly, you wont be able to
handle the rejection.

By remaining strictly impartial and objective about the way that

you present your case, you are exhibiting a certain level-
headedness about the situation that will send a very positive
message about your maturity and stability. State the objective
facts about the existence of your feelings and your willingness
to give him all of the time he needs to think about it.

Another high point is the fact that you are also making it clear
that you are recognizing and appreciating all of his efforts thus
far as well. You are showing the man that, regardless of what
his answer to the question may be, you are still grateful for all
that he has contributed to the relationship so far at the same
time as well.

What your man will be left with when youve given him this
message is a positive, open-minded message about yourself.
Before you step away to give him that space that he needs, he
will have a complete understanding of the fact that you have
every intention of honoring his choices and his value as a
person.

As long as he knows that you mean well and appreciate what he

has done so far, hes going to be a little bit more motivated to
work towards a real solution. Hes also going to be a lot more
like to get back to you much more quickly than if you had tried
pressuring him or guilt-tripping him into seeing your point of

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view.

The huge benefit to going about things in this fashion is that

you ensure that your man doesnt go forth without the
understanding that he is completely understood and supported
by you, one hundred percent. He will know that even when
things arent going perfectly, you arent the kind of woman who
is going to hold it against him at every turn.

Men want to be understood and supported, not attacked and

held back, so this ensures that you dont go about things in way
thats going to produce the opposite effects of what you desire.
The serene sense of ease and comfort he has in being able to
work out the questions will be much more conducive to him
deciding that a relationship with you is worthwhile.

You wont have to try and hope that he knows that the right
reasons are for seeing you as the best woman to be with when
you plainly illustrate why youre a good choice in partner based
on the way that you accommodate his need to be at peace
while he thinks.

Once he decides that hes prepared to give you his answer, you
must be sure to have a measured and patience reaction to
whatever his answer is you can increase your effectiveness at
this by clearing your mind of any and all expectations before
you even motion to ask him about how he feels in the very first
place.

You may have a very strong premonition that your man is far
more likely to say yes than no, but the last thing that you want
to do is be so extremely declarative in your expectations that
you completely rule out there being any chance of him choosing
to decline.

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Expectations can be very invigorating and uplifting, but if you
dont keep them in check, you may very well run the risk of
getting intoxicated by your own expectations. Expectations can
be just as logical as they are emotional, but in a scenario such
as this, you would be doing yourself the greatest favor if you
neglected having any sort of forecast for the outcome.

When your man is logically working through the costs and

benefits of committing to you, and questioning things that you
may have never even know were relevant in his mind, you have
no way of accounting for the things that he may remember only
because you asked him what you thought about taking things
up to the next level.

Logically, you cannot account for the extremely vast probability

there may be for just about anything to suddenly cause an
attitudinal shift in the way that your man thinks about
committing to you for that reason, choose to gracefully accept
whatever may come.

Heres the reality even in the midst of a relatively happy and

well-rounded relationship, something unexpected could always
happen that suddenly makes everything a lot more difficult
sometimes, these unforeseen events might actually make the
relationship itself impossible.

Its not to say that you shouldnt aim to enjoy your relationship,
but a woman needs to make peace with the ever-present
possibility of there being certain unforeseen factors that could
lead to its end thats not even just a mentality to cope with
relationships, thats a way of thinking that helps people learn to
accept their own mortality.

The first way that you should transpose your emotional energy
with logic is to start attempting to purge your mind of anxiety
surrounding the likelihood that hell either want or not want to

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commit to you. It may not work one hundred percent, but it will
certainly make you much less of nervous wreck about the task
of waiting.

You dont necessarily have to quash every last single iota of

nervousness from your spirit, as that would be impossible, but
you can practice some breathing exercises to quiet some of the
anxious static that may be buzzing about in your mind at the
thought of him saying X, Y or Z.

Your emotions may tempt you to believe that his rejection of

your interest in a relationship is the end of everything, but once
again, this is illogical thinking. You would not suddenly be
reduced to a pile of ashes just from his choice to refrain from
taking things more seriously, even though your heart may
convince you otherwise.

In the same vein, take some time to honestly think about how
much you really care for your partners well-being in the first
place. As you are legitimately interested in pursuing a
relationship with him, Im willing to bet that his happiness and
success are things that you support.

Seeing as you naturally want to support the one you love and
see them live their lives to the fullest of what they desire, you
have to embrace one of the most challenging clashes between
logic and emotion in the world accepting that if you really
want your loved one to be happy, you will support their possible
decision that theyll be happier uncommitted to you.

If you can make peace with this reality, then in the event that
he does choose to commit to you, you will have one of the most
secure relationships imaginable!

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