Pantheon Comics #2:

"Barney and the Bachelor"

digest edition
Chapter One
by Joe Grendel

Washington, DC.

Much like residents of New York City, Los Angeles and London, Washingtonians believe
theyre the center of the universe.

Oddly enough, theyre only half right.

J Street, at the center of time and space.

Grendel snapped his fingers in OzBats ears, startling the imp out of his reverie.

He always got lost in a love-sick daze when Special Agent Scully was on TV.

"BM! I need this place ship-shape, ASAP!" He slapped the imps head for emphasis. "As
in NOW!"

His sulk not slowing him down perceptibly, OzBat began bamfing from table-to-table,
speedily wiping them off, which he followed by a flying mop job of the floors.

Jason Borelli, equally smitten by Dana Scullys (dare we say it) feminine wiles, turned
toward Grendel as the commercial came on.

"Whats going on, Joe?"

"A last-minute bachelor party booking. Seems the paparazzi were swarming too thick
around Warriors."

The Mighty Hank stood up from his pool game, leaving kevrhon time to decipher all the
angles of shots he couldnt realistically make.

"Lo, tho I be a modern man, uninterested in such sexist behavior," he ignored the
snorts of disgust from Amazon and gail, "Who is it who attracts such attention
from the media?"

Grendel grinned.

"Superman."

***
Elsewhen.

Bad Bop stalked back and forth in his soccer cleats on the backs of preschoolers. Even
their cries of pain could do little to cheer him.

"This sucks, boss! We had it all! But then those lousy Image creator-owners had to go an
undo the damage Fanboy had done to the universe."

The Purple One stirred in his pool of baby vomit.

"Yesssss. And they even retconned away my IRCube. Those things are getting harder and
harder to find."

"So, what are we going to do?"

"Do? Do? (Doo-doo?) Were going to grab Jason Borelli, bend him to our will "

"That will give us ultimate power over reality?"

"No, but itll make me feel better, and hopefully his precious Pantheon will come charging
to the rescue."

"And?"

"With J Street unprotected, well be able to use it to conquer the entire multiverse, one
universe at a time!"

Chapter Two: Its the end of the world

by Jason Borelli

Grendel's.

"Yo, Ozzie, if Big Blue's really coming, let me help!"

And with that, Jason cleaned the joint with his ring.

"WHOA!" exclaimed Ozzie.

"You just relax. Have you gotten a gift for Kal?"

"What?"

"It's an American tradition. I'm giving him the armor I wore in the Gallagher photo
shoot."
The imp began to sweat. Jason was being mean.

"OhmanomanomanWHERE CAN I FIND A GIFT?"

He saw something in the corner of his eye. A box, gift-wrapped.

He grabbed it, but he slipped on some beer and the box flew.

Little did anybody know that inside the wrapping was an IRCube.

And this cube could affect reality.

Somehow, Jason saw it coming. Just as he was about to lunge, the cube hit the ground.

Reality was remixed. Altered. The IRCube had been re-placed.

And Washington wasn't Washington anymore

It was something else.

*KAPOW!*

Two hoodlums had knocked off a liquor store. But just as they made their getaway

"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

A costumed hero nailed them both and tied them up.

He was known as

as

"CRACKERJAY?"

He looked at himself in a mirror.

"This isn't right. I don't do spandex."

He looked down. The ring was still there.

"OK, Jason. Deep breath. Now, I saw the IRCube hit the ground. It must have affected
reality on a global scale. Not to mention ripping off a dozen ideas in the coming weeks "

Jason morphed his tacky Crackerjay costume into a GL uniform. He flew to the city
limits.
 WELCOME TO COSMIC CITY!
ENJOY YOUR STAY!

Meanwhile

"WHAT HAPPENED? It seems I was unaffected by the reality shift. I can use the
confusion to ensnare Borelli and his buddies, and finish them once and for all!"

Chapter Three: Oh, no. Not yet!

by the Jester

As the bawdy singing continued, the Jester paused.

"Hey. HEY! GUYS! Hold on a sec. Look at Borelli!"

The table turned to see Jason stumbling around, mumbling "Crakerjay! Coshmik Sittty.
Ooohh nnno! Isss Barneeeee!"

"Oh, my," Amazon gasped.

TMH! let out a Mighty laugh. Others giggled. Hatman looked annoyed.

"Funny guys. Real mature. Who spiked Borelli's drink? Don't you know how dangerous
that is? He thinks he's found another IRC Cube, even though they're all gone. Who did
it?" Hatman yelled.

Slowly, everyone turned and looked at the Jester.

"What?" he said. "Why does everyone automatically blame me?"

"Because," Amazon drawled, "you're the Jester. It's what you do. You prank. You trick.
You annoy. That's who you are."

"Heh-heh. I, uh, guess you've got me there. Heh. Pretty good, though, eh?"

"Methinks thou hast spoken with mine fellow Asgaardian, Loki, mayhap. For a man so
scrawny who drinketh not, the Mighty Hank! liketh thee!"

"But people," Hatman interjected, "the RING! He has the most dangerous weapon in the
universe and he's staggering drunk!"

"Fear not, Hats! kevrhon, would you do the honors?" With the Jester's request, kevrhon
waved his hands into the mystical "home row position" and "typed" away. Borelli
sobered up.
"Wha ? The universe changed back! Hallelujah!"

The Jester snickered. "Close one, eh?"

Chapter Four: Sticking to the basics

by Amazon

"Speaking of close calls, my date's gonna walk through that door any minute now and I'm
not even dressed for it!" Amazon gasped.

"Yeah, you don't wanna scare him with that battle uniform you got on. He might think
you're gonna hurt him. Bad," Jester sneered.

Amazon gave Jester a playful push. A bit too hard, perhaps, since it knocked him off the
stool he was sitting on.

"Owww. That smarts." Jester grimaced.

"Sorry, didn't mean anything by that." Amazon smiled and disappeared into the ladies
room with a backpack.

"Another round, Joe!" Hatman ordered.

Joe leaned on the counter with one elbow and shook his head.

"Hat that's twenty-three beers you've had tonight. I know you're a tough one, but it's no
fun cleaning up the bathroom when you're done."

"Ah, c'mon, since when do you turn down a chance to make a buck off me?"

"Since you stopped paying your tab."

"Aw, I'm good for it. You know I am, Joe."

Joe stuck out his thumb. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"One."

"Wrong. A thumb is not a finger. Sorry, pal."

Hatman grumbled and went off to join a pool game with TMH! and kevrhon.

kevrhon usually won because of his ability to retcon anything to his satisfaction. He
didn't hesitate to use it especially when losing against TMH!
Jason pulled up a seat next to Norm and Cliff.

"Who's better babe: Carla or Diane?"

Chapter Five: Whattya mean, RSVP?

by the Mighty Hank!

Outside of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

With a rumble of it's turbojets, the Batmobile pulled up outside of Grendel's.

Batman, the Dark Knight, nonchalantly stepped out, his cape flowing in a non-existent
breeze. He looked grim. As a matter of fact, he looked grimmer than normal. The
passenger door of the Batmobile clicked open. Batman's eyes shot toward the door. His
eyes narrowed.

As the Blue Beetle's bug hovered into a parking space in front of the Batmobile, the
reason for Batman's grimness was explained.

***

Inside Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

OzBat poured another grape soda for Borelli, in the hopes that it would sober him up.

"What I could never understand, Norm, was why YOU and Rebecca never hooked up."
the brave Lantern Borelli mumbled.

"Well, uh, theuh Borelli, the reasons fah thaht ahr quite simple," Cliff offered helpfully.
Norm just rolled his eyes, as Jason became lost in Clifford's explanation.

Grendel counted receipts and bar tabs for a moment. He kept looking at the OzBat and
grinning. This unsettled Ozzie, to say the least.

"Uh, boss, is there something I should know that you're not telling me?" Ozzie
stammered.

Grendel finished the last of his tabs. Then, with a grin, he placed a hunter green fishing
cap on his head, then produced two suitcases from underneath the bar. Like clockwork
magic, the faint rumblings of Super-Heroic vehicles shook the bar at the same time.

Grendel walked to Ozzie, then placed a hand on his tiny shoulder.

"OzBat, I'm going on vacation. The bar is yours. If anything happens to it, I'm feeding
you to Moloch. Capice?" Grendel was already down the stairs as Ozzie protested.
"B-B-But Boss! I can't " Ozzie was almost petrified.

As Grendel opened up a closet, he winked at Ozzie.

"Yes, you can. I know you can take care of my bar. Mostly because your life depends on
it. See you later."

And with that, Grendel disappeared on a long-needed vacation.

***

Jester held the dart in his hand and began to sweat. All he had to do was throw the dart at
the bulls-eye. That's all. There was nothing else to think about.

Except that his whimsical nature wanted to take the better of him. His eyes were drawn to
the Mighty Hank's butt (in a non-sexual way).

The Mighty Hank! was bent over a pool table, poised to make a bank shot. His Mighty
butt a perfect target for the dart of Jester.

Jester bit his lip. He aimed at the dart board, then stopped.

"I'm so ashamed," he whispered. Before he could throw the dart, Hat took it out of his
hand.

"It would not be a good idea to stick a dart into Hank's butt," Hat said.

"Why not?" the Jester asked.

"Well, for starter's, he's a 350 pound Norse godling. And, more importantly, he might
spring a leak and all of that stuff that keeps leaking into the stratosphere from his behind
might get all over us." Hat took a drink.

The Jester blinked.

"And I don't know about you, but I think his gas has metagenic properties," Hat said as he
finished his beer.

Jester, frustrated, groped for a new topic of conversation. Partly to find something to say.
Partly to move the plot along.

"You know, Hatman, I'm sort of new around here, but aren't there a bunch of DC-esque
Pantheon members that have been conspicuously absent from our stories?"

Hatman looked at his watch.

"Three, two, one "

And right on cue, Superman's Bachelor Party entered Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.
Hatman looked at the gathering and smiled. Aquaman, MRMIRACLE, The Red Ricky,
Batman, Blue Beetle, Superman and other assorted DC icons stumbled into the bar.
Aquaman, wearing a lampshade, stumbled over and gave Hat a big hug and a kiss.

"Whew-WHO! It's a Who's Who party now, guys!" Aquaman bellowed.

Hat made a face and wiped off his mouth.

"Thanks for the kiss, fish lips," the Canadian hero said.

***

Outside Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

Batman was not a happy camper. Sure, he was the Dark Knight. Sure, he was the grim
and gritty one. Sure, he was the one with the car. But why did HE always have to be the
designated driver?

Booster Gold and Ambush Bug piled out the Batmobile, and stumbled into Grendel's.
Ambush Bug popped over and gave Batman's horns a tweak, then ran away, giggling like
a schoolgirl.

Batman clenched his jaw tighter.

And, Batman wondered, why did he ALWAYS get stuck driving the dorks around town?

Shoving his cape behind him, Batman strolled into The Pond.

***

Inside Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

"But how did YOU get an invite, herr Rick?" Hatman asked.

The Red Ricky, in full costume, drank a Schmidt and explained.

"Well, see, Captain Marvel got the invitation. But Billy and Freddy are too young to
drink. So, well, they gave it to me."

Rick shrugged, and downed the rest of his beer.

kevrhon and TMH! stopped their game to say "hello" to the festive makers. kevrhon,
probably out of respect, morphed into his Dr. Fate self. Hugs all around for
MRMIRACLE.

"Hey, Doc, long time no see!" Dr. Fate said to MRMIRACLE.

"Right back at you! We missed *hic* oh, lord, excuse me we missed you at the pre-funk,
kevrhon, didn't you get an invitation?"

"Well, yeah, but I figured we'd all meet up " The Mighty Hank interrupted the friends as
the spoke.

"Wouldst thou wait a moment? Both of thee had invitations to Superman's party?" Hank
looked hurt.

MRMIRACLE and kevrhon shuffled uncomfortably. MIRACLE cleared his throat.

"What, you didn't get one?" he offered lamely.

Just then, Kevin Boyd entered the bar, wearing green face paint and a purple jumpsuit.
The bar cheered.

Superman grinned broadly.

"Hey, Braniac 5 made the party! It's gonna be a scorcher boys!" Superman whooped
about the bar.

Hank and Hat shot looks at each other. If looks could speak, the looks would have said,
"Wait a second, Kevin is dressed like Braniac 5 and HE got invited?"

And, to round out the party, Jonah the Monitor appeared in a beam of light, Kryptonian
invitation in hand.

"Hi, everybody!" Jonah said.

"Hi, Jonah!" everybody said back.

Hatman burst out at that point.

"Did EVERY single friggin' person here get an invitation except for us?" Hatman asked.

Sheepishly, Pantheon members, DC icons and even Norm and Cliff produced invitations.
Hat shook his fedora. The festivities continued.

Hank walked to Hat.

"T'would seem that we were the only folks who didn't get invitations, Hat."

Hat frowned.

"Verily," he replied to his Nordic friend.

"Well, hey, I didn't get one either," the Jester offered helpfully.

"That's great. Play your darts," Hat said.

And somewhere, a purple puddle of ooze laughed

Chapter Six: Conversation, foreshadowing and revenge.

by Jason Borelli

Grendel's.

"You OK Jason, is it?"

"Oh, yeah. Dumb jerk Jester got me drunk. Fortunately, the ring sobered me up."

"You use the ring in that way?"

"Oh yeah. Cuts closer better than any razor."

"Why did you try to retconn the story?"

"Not retconn. Remix. Kinda like a Pantheon Elseworld."

"Oh. Are you being treated OK?"

"I dunno. I pretty much get smacked around by the others. You of all people should know
about disrespect."

"Well, I'm gaining trust. It'll get better soon."

"I guess. Hey, there's Wally. You'd better rejoin him."

"Must I?"

"Well, you ARE going to be in the JLA with him "

"All right "

Outside.
Batman was about to walk in. If only he knew about the blob of purple slime on the back
of his boot

Meanwhile

"Yeah, Kal, that's me, the Jester, the Pantheon's bestest super-hero
OOOOWWWWWWOWIEOWIEOWIE!"

The throng burst into laughter as Jester suffered a power-ring inflicted wedgie.

"Hey, Jester! Next time you think about spiking my drink don't. OK?"

Chapter Seven: My theory? Evil is a foot!

by Aquaman!

Aquaman strolled. He strolled as though he had never strolled before. That was entirely
appropriate, because he had, in fact, never strolled before.

He was angry.

"So I'm only 20. My birthday's up soon. OzBat KNOWS I'm not a boozer, but he says he
can't 'risk it' with this crowd. Feh!" Aquaman muttered to himself.

He strolled. He strolled like he had only been strolling for a few minutes. Then,
something rolled past his feet. It was a little green marble, and it seemed as though it
rolled of its own volition. Especially when it stopped dead right in front of AQ.

"Cool." He picked it up and put it in his pocket. It glowed an eerie green glow
accompanied by a strange sizzling sound when he touched it. He was cheering up now.

The Orb stopped glowing as Aq's mood improved. Then, he strolled past an electronics
store with TV's in the window. The new CK1 commercial was playing

"I like it here I like it here I like it here "

"AAARRGGGHHH!" He HATED these commercials!

The Orb sizzled and glowed. Louder with every "I like it here."

"CK One, a cologne for a man or a woman." Finally, it was over.

"AAAHHHH," sighed a relieved Aquaman.

The next commercial to play was the Starkist Tuna ad, y'know, the ones with Charlie the
Tuna?
"D'OH!" Aq bellowed.

The Orb was sizzling especially loud now.

Just as Aq looked down at his midsection and cried, "What the Hell's going on down
there?" Steve Urkel walked by, presumably on the way to the party.

"Man, that Aquaman, what a dork," Urkel said. "He's got these lousy powers, he's a
washed up has-been, and NOW he's talking to his crotch!"

"Did that make you angry?" queried a voice from AQ's pocket.

"Urkel just called ME a dork. Whaddayou think? Yes, I'm angry! Plus, I can't get drunk,
and I get thrown out of Grendel's when a 'Shirley Temple' won't do! I see these stupid
commercials, and on top of all that, I'm bleeding now from taking you out of my
pocket with the wrong hand!"

"Do you want revenge, Paul?" the sinister Orb asked.

"You know it pisses me off when people call me that, don't you?"

"Yep."

"Great, now my little green marble's trying to make me mad. What else can go wrong
tonight? I think I'm just gonna go " AQ was cut off in mid-rant.

"Back to the fountain that spawned you and gave you your powers?"

"How, how did you "

"Know that? Paul, my friend, there are a great many things I know about you, some
things even you don't know. For instance, I know that it wasn't some fountain that gave
you your powers, but your lineage." The Orb was through toying with AQ, that much was
certain.

"But my dad's an encyclopedia salesman from Oklahoma, and my mom's a Texas

debutante, and neither one of them has these lame-ass powers!" said AQ in disbelief.

"'Lame-ass'? Oh, Ha ha ha, if only you knew. Paul, the power you possess now is just the
tip of the iceberg. My friend, I will help you melt that iceberg."

"I'm sure, now explain to me the whole 'lineage' thing again " AQ was dumb(founded).

"Obviously, your parents are not the people who raised you, Paul. That's not important,
though. Now, do you want my help or not?"
"Help to do what? Y'know, you're awfully pushy for a little green marble!"

"If you want your revenge, you have to be angry!" The Orb was growing weary of AQ's
idiocy. "Are you angry?"

"Not really, no." said AQ. "Talking all that time kind of mellowed me out. Plus, you
called me 'my friend, and that was nice. Y'know, you ARE a good friend!"

Then, Jenny McCarthy walked by, probably to the party. She took a look at AQ, and said
"Loser. I hope Grendel's has better to offer than THIS."

"D'OH" was accompanied by a swift slap to the forehead.

"YYYEEEESSSS!" The Orb began to grow. "Get ANGRY!"

"I AM, I AM!" bellowed AQ.

The Orb, now the size of a softball, dissipated into a fine green mist. Its energies seized
Aquaman, lifted him, and encased him in a cloud of emerald.

The air was filled with a crackly electric sound, along with the thunderous laughter of the
Orb.

Suddenly, the shroud was lifted, the crackling stopped, and the laughter grew quieter and
quieter.

AQ felt sick, kinda like he did when he saw those old Velveeta Cheese commercials with
the melted cheddar in them. Gross stuff. AQ felt like he had eaten it.

He looked at his reflection in one of the windows on the street. The only reason he could
see himself was because he had acquired a strange green glow.

He was changed! He had grown about a foot, and he was ripped! Totally buff! The goatee
he had been working on for months was now three inches long! What he thought had
passed for a costume(Bermuda shorts, scuba flippers, and the pitchfork he swiped
from his uncle, the farmer) was replaced with a cool golden armor chest plate, gold metal
boots, orange scaled shirt, and dark green tights! His pitchfork was now a large gold
trident! This is exactly what he had been going for.

Then, he sensed that his physical changes were unimportant. He could feel that he had
been augmented. This was the way he was supposed to be.

He sensed his new powers. He could transport any amount of water, at any pressure, to
ANYWHERE HE WANTED, using some sort of magic portal power. This lent itself to
all kinds of hard water powers. He could open the portals without the water to transport
himself, and whatever else he wanted, to any destination! And the telepathy, oh, the
telepathy! Before, he could only speak with sea life, whereas now, he could mentally
communicate with anyone or anything he wanted. That's right, he found himself talking
to inanimate objects, but that wasn't very productive. He wondered if he could control
those he communicated with

*Urkel! McCarthy! Charlie the Tuna! Get your butts back here, now!* AQ had become
more demanding, as well.

Soon, they all scurried over to him. With the exception of Charlie the Tuna, because he's
not real. This surprised AQ, because he had always thought that mind-control victims
would sorta y'know sleepwalk like a zombie. But scurry they did indeed.

"Wow." Aq decided to try something

*Jenny, perform UURRGGHHKK* AQ was interrupted in mid-command by a wave that

came over him. An evil wave.

"Welp, I guess I gotta raise an army to defeat the Pantheon now." AQ seemed to believe
what he was saying.

*Urkel! McCarthy! You will be my generals! Go and find me all the cannon fodder you
can get. Dog soldiers will do fine, I guess. Also, find me as many washed-up, no talent
celebrities like yourselves to populate the ranks as well. Oooh, get me Hawkeye Pierce!
He sorta has a military background! I'll wait here, now GO!* AQ was getting the hang of
this whole "evil" thing.

As he waited for his troops to return, he devised a plan.

As he devised a plan, he picked a booger out of his nose. He could do such things, now
that he was evil.

As he picked his nose, an old man wearing earth tones and round wire-rims walked up.

"Just who the Hell are you?" demanded the evil King.

"I'm the guy who does the voice for 'Charlie the Tuna.' Sorry I'm late, but I live in Palm
Beach. I had to hike it."

"Hey, man, it's cool, don't worry about it."

Then, something terrible fell forth from THE Aquaman's lips:

"I AM THE AQUAMAN! THE PANTHEON WILL DIE AT MY FOOT! I DON'T

KNOW WHY, BUT THEY WILL! EVIL IS FUN! PRAISE LOC-NARR!"
 Chapter Eight: Mystery Date
by Amazon

Grendel's Pond and Bar.

Superman's Bachelor's Party was in full swing and the Pantheon amongst others were
mingling and enjoying themselves.

Jenny McCarthy was leaning on Hank's shoulders and giggling at the size of his biceps.
Hank was only too pleased to flex them for her. Jenny ran two fingers across his chest
and whispered, "Oh, Hank, would you teach me how to play pool? Pretty please?".

Hatman stepped in and cleared his throat. Loudly.

"Ah, miss, I'd only be too happy to comply with your wish. Allow me to demonstrate."

And with that Hatman nudged aside a scowling Hank and proceeded to show Jenny how
to hold a cue stick the proper way.

Superman, Batman, MRMIRACLE, and Jester were seated in the middle of the bar with a
round of drinks littering the table in front of them. They often erupted into bales of
laughter as inappropriate jokes were exchanged. Blonde jokes were the particular
favorites.

Superman glanced around the bar and noticed the several lovely ladies that had come for
the party.

"Guys, I appreciate this and all you've done for me. I'll never forget this party, but I sure
am ready to leave bachelorhood behind. Lois's the woman for me and quite frankly, the
nuptials can't come soon enough."

Batman scoffed.

"Don't be so sure, old pal. Bachelorhood does have its rewards."

"Yeah, well, I've had sixty years worth of rewards. It's time for the man of tomorrow to
move on."

"Ah. It's your funeral er, wedding, pal. Bottoms up."

Superman, MRMIRACLE, Bats, and Jester clinked their bottles around for the toast.

MRMIRACLE spoke up. "I could be wrong, but isn't this a bachelor party? What are
those girls doing Oh, I get it. They're the GLOW girls, huh? Mud wrestling gonna happen
tonight?"
Superman cut everybody short.

"Now, fellas, don't be planning anything crazy tonight. Lois would kill me if she knew
anything about mud wrestling girls or strippers tonight. Don't tell me she's never gonna
know because she's a reporter. She has her ways of finding out."

Jester's face fell.

"No, no strippers?"

Superman sadly shook his head. "No strippers."

"Are you sure about that?" A female voice teased.

The foursome's eyebrows shot up in shock at the sight of Amazon demurely dressed in a
shimmering, strapless red number with a side slit that seemed to go all the way up to
heaven. Her wavy hair cascaded over her shoulders, down her back falling just short of
her waist. Damn. She was dressed to kill.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Amazon laughed.

Batman emitted a low whistle. Amazon thanked him with a wink.

"So Amazon. Who's the lucky fella tonight?" Jester loosened his collar. It must be getting
hot in here, he thought.

"I believe that would be me." A male voice cut in.

Amazon smiled and put her arm around the man's waist and greeted him with a kiss on
the cheek. They exited the bar into the streetlights of J street, destination unknown.

Superman quizzically looked at Jester and MRMIRACLE.

"Who was that guy? One of the Pantheon members?"

Chapter Nine: All the way up to Heaven?

Oh, my.
by the Jester

"For Pete's sake, Jester, close your mouth. It's not becoming," MR.MIRACLE said.

"She dress hair red she legs ohhhhhhhhh "

"JESTER! SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN!"

"Sorry Bats."

Batman scowled.

"Don't call me 'Bats.'"

"Oh, OK, Brucie. Hey! Stop growling! Whoa, there! Uhhhh, you wait right here, I'll see
what I can do about strippers!"

"You could've invited the Joker. Why the Jester? WHY?"

"I dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time. He's one of us, anyway."

"Here, have another Bat-Beer."

"Shut up, Miracle."

The room was filled with DC heroes. Some were, well, inebriated. Others didn't need to
be.

Animal Man walked around, confused.

"What the hell is going on with me? Am I a superhero, and erstwhile god, or what? The
minute Grant leaves, they let me go back to character hell. Do I wear a costume? Was I in
the JLE? The Forgotten Heroes?"

Wally West, Roy Harper, Garth, and Dick Grayson sat at one table.

"Did she ever fly when, you know "

"Shut up, Wally."

"What about that battle rage? Ever see the good end of that?"

"Shut up, Roy."

"Is *all* her hair like that?"

"SHUT UP, GARTH!"

The three former Titans laughed uproariously. Hawkman bumped into Animal Man. Each
apologized.

When they went their ways, Animal Man said, under his breath, "At least I'm not *that*
messed up."
Hourman II and Kyle Rayner traded art tips.

Suddenly, classic "stripper music" began to play. The crowd roared in anticipation. A
giant red cake was brought out by a man in a pork pie hat and a green with black polka
dotted shirt. Then, it morphed into a man, revealing four figures inside. But they weren't
strippers. It was the Jester, Ambush Bug, the Heckler, and the Creeper. Along with Plas,
they began to sexily shake their hips. There was an awkward pause. Then the five were
pelted with peanuts, empty cans, and the occasional chair as the crowd erupted into
laughter.

Chapter Ten: Fear and Loathing at Grendels Pond

by kevrhon

"Hank, think about it. It's more or less a DC thing. You don't have any real ties to the DC
Universe. The Mighty Hank is sort of a crude, rude, distant cousin to Thor as near as
anyone can tell. Same for Hatman, no DC connection. That's why you didn't get
invitations."

Hank continued to brood, staring at the bottom of an empty flagon of ale. "Tis not the
missing invite that vexes Hank so, this I can procure at a retail outlet in a polybagged
edition. Tis the fact that fair Jenny doth spurn mine advances for those of friend Hat."

"Is that it? Man, screw her "

"Hank had something along those lines in "

"No, what I meant is, forget about her. She doesn't know what she's missing. She's
probably afraid she couldn't handle a real man. That thing with Hatman is probably just
sympathy. She looked at you and figured, 'hey, he gets all the girls, I'll give his little
buddy a break'."

Hank began to feel his Mighty self esteem returning.

"Thou art correct. The Mighty Hank can have any woman he wants. He chooses to resist
the feminine wiles of the blonde strumpet. Thank you, friend kevrhon. To show that Hank
is as big a man as he doth appear to be, he will order a round for the head table."

With that, the Mighty godling removed himself from his barstool, and strode off to find a
waitress.

Well, so far, so good, kevrhon thought to himself, now what do I tell Hatman when Hank
tells him I suggested he was second choice?

Chapter Eleven: Getting Rid of a Villain Painlessly

by Jason Borelli
Jenny McCarthy now found herself in the company of the Pantheon's resident Green
Lantern, Jason Borelli. Unlike the other members of the Pantheon, Jason could keep any
naughty desires he had to himself.

" the point, Jen, is we've had way too many villains. I mean, they're beginning to suck.
And I should take care of them, since I created most of them "

As if on cue, Fanboy burst through the doors.

"DIE, PANTHEON!"

As the gathered heroes pointed weapons aplenty at Fanboy, Jason raised his hand.

"Guys? This one's on me."

"What are YOU gonna do?"

With that, Jason covered Fanboy in a green glow.

"Um Jason? What are you doing to him?"

"Hat, I'm evolving him. He's been a tenth-rate villain for too long."

He turned to Fanboy.

"OK, you have to realize that there's more to life than comic books."

The crowd gasped.

"You gotta go out there, seize the day."

"S-seizzzzethe d-d-d-ay."

"Go dating. Study. Read a book a NON-comic book. If you do read the comics, then do it
in moderation."

The glow disappeared. The armor Fanboy was wearing was now gone.

"Jason you are SO right! I've been doing this too freaking long!"

"DIE PANTHEON!"

The crowd stared at a new figure.

"Who is that?" asked OzBat.

"I AM FANGIRL! PREPARE FOR DEATH!"

Jason turned to the crowd.

"OK, all in favor of Fangirl as a recurring villain, say aye."

A tumbleweed drifted in the silence.

"All opposed say-"

"NAY!"

"Okey-dokey "

Jason covered the spandex-armored wearing babe with the same glow, revealing her to be

"OHMIGOD!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

"IT'S SARAH BECKER, THE IMAGE WORKER FROM MTVS THE REAL
WORLD!"

Sarah stared at Fanboy.

"Say, do you want to kill my housemates with me?"

"I got a better idea. Let's find Puck and kill him on general principle."

With that, the duo left the bar.

A mighty cheer went up from the crowd.

Jason returned to Jenny's side.

"One down, too many to go. Wanna hear my Seinfeld impression?"

Chapter Twelve: How to get a Kryptonian Drunk

by the Mighty Hank!

"Maybe Later, baby, right now it's time to party, WHEEEEEEEEEEWWW!" Jenny
screamed, pointing at an imaginary television camera.

And when she cried, seven thunders uttered their voices

Batman's eyes narrowed and shot a sideways glance at Borelli. He sidled up to the bar.
The Mite frantically bamfed in and out of different spots on the bar, desperate to keep up
with the ever-increasing flow of drink orders coming in.

To occupy his mind, Batman turned his thoughts to thinking about things. He pondered
the latest set of handcuff's from Lockpro. He wondered about the safety of the new
carbon
fiber Batline he was using. He wondered how much alcohol it would take to get Clark
drunk.

And as he wondered, a bit of purple slime on his boot flashed purple

Jonah, The Red Ricky, MRMIRACLE, kevrhon, Superman, Booster Gold and Blue
Beetle cheered. They picked up Jenny, and bounced her around the room. Superman
accidentally bumped Borelli, sending his drink flying. Borelli frowned, using his ring to
clean ice out of his hair.

"Hey, Clark er, uh Kal or whatever are you drunk or something?" asked Borelli.

Superman stopped for a moment, and looked back at Borelli. His face looked innocently
confused.

"No. It's hard for me to get drunk. I'm just, well, living in the moment, so to speak."
Superman shrugged his shoulders, and went back to merry-making.

And a wicked grin flashed over Borelli's mouth, as he wondered just how much alcohol it
would take to get Superman drunk

Batman considered the riddle he was pondering. Just how much alcohol would it take for
Superman to get drunk? Perhaps a Martini the size of Jupiter would do it. Possible to
make one in Grendel's. Not possible to get it out from behind the bar. Chances also slim
that Clark would drink it.

But, what if Clark were say depowered for a few moments? Just long enough to get him
drunk.

Batman smiled. He looked at the surly Lantern Borelli, and glided over to him.

"Yeah, whaddya want, Batman?"

Batman spoke without moving his lips. Weird.

"I want you to do me a favor. You see, it's Clark's bachelor party, and while he's in the
spirit, it's without spirits. I need your ring, Borelli."

"Oh no, you can't have my ring "

"I don't want to wear it. I want you to do something for me.

"What?"

"I want you to make some Kryptonite, and put it in Clark's drink."

And as Batman thought about the marvelous idea he had just had, the purple slime leaped
from his boot onto Borelli's foot. Borelli flashed a wicked grin.

"What a marvelous idea, Batman," Borelli said as he walked over to Superman.

Batman blinked a couple of times.

"What idea?"

Superman was having the time of his life. He would definitely have to remember this
place. A pocket-dimension with a fun bar, and nothing to worry about. When he returned
to Metropolis, it would be like time hadn't even passed. Nothing to worry about at all.

Superman laughed as Jonah the Monitor leaped onto a table with a Martini in his right
hand, pretending to surf. He looked at his beer, and shrugged.

As Superman tipped it back to drink, Borelli shot the beer with his power-ring. Borelli
changed some of the alcohol molecules to low-levels of Kryptonite, as Superman drank
away without noticing.

And as Superman's head went light, he thought to himself, I wonder if the beer is special
in this dimension, too, because I swear I'm getting drunk.

Chapter Thirteen: How do we tell Lois?

by Jason Borelli

Jason smiled. Then he realized something.

He couldn't create Kryptonite out of thin air. Then how?

He saw the purple splotch on his shoe.

Uh-oh.

"HEY!"

A ring blast shoved the blob away. But then it attached itself to Superman.

"OH NO! GUYS! GET READY!"

"Fer what?" asked Jester. "You gonna strip for us?"

A green fist knocked Jester unconscious.

"IT'S BARNEY! AND HE'S POSSESSED SUPERMAN!"

"That's right!
Here's a verse
Things are worse
I'm now the greatest power in the mul-ti-verse.
I'm really strong
And one really tough guy.
Pan-the-on, prepare to die!"

With that, Supes/Barney turned a nice shade of purple.

Chapter Fourteen: Lotsa Off-Panel Violence

by Jason Borelli

The (seldom-used) Pantheon Office

*BAMF!*

Jason and OzBat materialized.

"Way to go, Jason! Thanks to you, the biggest donny-brook in Pantheon history is
happening!"

"Shut up, Mite! Where is it? Where the [very bad word] is it?"

"What? What are you looking for?"

"Kryptonite."

"Waitasec you got kryptonite?"

"Blue K used it to ward Jay Bizzari off."

"Jason, Barney isn't a Bizzaro."

As Jason was about to respond, Mr. Miracle crashed through the window, knocking the
Mite down.

"Scott, are you O-"

The Miraculous One got up and crashed through another window.

Jason then tripped over a rock.

"OW! Hey, I just pulled a Homer!"

Jason uses his ring to try to transmute the K to

"Got it!"

Jason flew out of the office window.

On the ground below was the mother of all fights. Supes/Barney was wiping the sidewalk
with the Pantheon. Even without his assorted goons, Supes/Barney was still a threat.
Until

"EVERYBODY! CLEAR OUT!"

Jason formed a bazooka with a special payload.

Fire.

Darting through the air, the projectile buried itself into Supes/Barney's chest. The hybrid
groaned.

"Jason!" shouted Hank. "What did you do?"

"Purple Kryptonite. I think Kal will be OK."

And Superman would be all right. But Barney

Jason's jaw hit the ground. He started talking like Janice from Friends.

"Oh my God!"

And there, standing at 48 feet tall was Barney.

"Um, guys?" shouted Jason. "Anybody knows Godzilla's phone number?"

Chapter Fifteen: Here come the guests

by Jason Borelli

It looked like the Pantheon was screwed. Thanks to Jason's transmuted Purple Kryptonite,
Barney had grown to almost 50 feet. Even with the DC heroes, all looked lost.
However, when Joe Grendel sent out the invitations, he made sure that the best and
brightest of the multiverse were added.

As Barney threw Jason into the air, he bumped into someone. Or rather, something.

"GOLIATH!?"

"You know of me?"

"Um yeah. Aren't you kinda out of your league? Even with the other 'goyles, nothing can
take down that!"

*Oh really?*

Jason turned around. Xanatos and Fox, in their respective armors.

Jason looked at Goliath.

"You still trust those two?"

On ground level, a dynamic duo arrived. And I don't mean Batman and Robin.

"Oh, man! Would you look at the size of that! Arthur, how do you think they got a guy
big enough to fill the suit?"

"Tick, THAT ISN'T A GUY, THAT'S A FULL-BLOWN MONSTER!"

"But Arthur, look at him! Do you actually think he could kill-*"

The Blue Guy was cut off as Barney's tail smacked into him, and he was flung into a
brick wall.

Meanwhile

"Jim, be careful!"

"Don't you worry, Peter. I'll be as gentle as I can be."

He pulled his laser.

"EAT DIRT, OVERGROWN ANNOYANCE OF MILLIONS!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

A portal opened up.

"Oh man! Am I seeing things?"

*No, Quarrel. It appears a children's entertainer has gone berserk and is killing everybody
in sight*

"Again, N-Forcer?"

"Honor Guard, STRIKE!"

And as the fight wore on, more and more heroes arrived

Chapter Sixteen: The Forgotten Ones Arrive

by Guardian

Character Limbo

Guardian stared into the puddle that was showing Superman's bachelor party.

At first, he had been annoyed that he hadn't been invited, but he then realized that he
wasn't a DC character, and, oh yeah, they probably thought he was dead.

Then, Barney had possessed Superman.

He wasn't that annoyed anymore.

Now, he just wanted to go down there and fight. But he couldn't do it alone.

"Forgotten and canceled characters," he screamed out to the large convention of

characters that stood before him. "Now, we will strike back! Let's prove that we shouldn't
have been canceled!"

Hundreds of people leapt in the puddle(no, not at the same time).

J Street

"Now I will squish all of my enemies!" roared Barney. "Ha, ha, ha, ha-huh?"

Barney looked up to see a portal open up above. Out of it fell one of the largest groupings
of characters since the Infinity Crusade.

"Destroy the purple one!" screamed Guardian.

"Fools!" Barney laughed. "Even a bunch of crappy characters can't stop me!"

Then the battle began anew.

Guardian turned to Arthur. "We're getting our butts kicked. Any ideas, bunny guy?"
"I'm a moth! And no."

"Oh man, what are we going to do?"

Up above, a worried Reed Richards flew up to Jason Borelli in the Fantasti-Car.

"Borelli, this is about to get worse."

Borelli rolled his eyes.

"Is that possible?"

"I'm afraid so. With all these people from different parts of the multiverse, the entire
multiverse is in danger of collapsing! In fact, if my calculations are correct, it will
collapse in exactly one hour. We still might be able to prevent it."

A wave of flame washed over the skies. Borelli glared at Mr. Fantastic.

Reed looked over his calculations. "Uh, forgot to carry the two. Well, now we're
screwed."

The sky was on fire. Bright orange washed across the air, replacing the light blue that had
been there before.

"We've got to get some of these people back to their dimensions!" screamed Mr. Fantastic
to Jason Borelli over the roar of the battle.

"How?" shouted back Jason.

"Worry about the battle," shouted Mr. Fantastic. "I'll figure it out!"

Mr. Fantastic flew the Fantasti-car back to ground level. He leapt out and ran to
Guardian.

"You've got to get your people out of here! The stress on the multiverse is too great!"

"It's not that simple! We can't just wish ourselves back to character limbo!"

"Come on, we've got to get back to Four Freedoms Plaza!" shouted Mr. Fantastic, taking
the Fantasti-car out of park.

As the battle raged on, Mr. Fantastic and Guardian flew off, the fate of the multiverse on
their shoulders.

The Marvel Universe.

Four Freedoms Plaza.
"I'm going to take some readings from you," explained Mr. Fantastic, pulling out a small
electronic device. "Hopefully this will determine your dimensional vibrations, which
should allow me to open a gateway to your dimension."

Guardian stood rigid. "This won't hurt, will it?"

Reed chuckled. "Has being canceled made you soft?"

"No, it's just that uh, never mind."

A beep emitted from the device.

"Good, I've got it," said Reed. He walked over to a large piece of machinery and began to
feed in the results of his scan. Seconds later, the results appeared onscreen.

Reed studied it briefly.

"Well, that shouldn't take long to make." Minutes later, Reed had put it together. "Take
this to the battle and press this button. It should do the rest," he explained, forcing it into
Guardian's hands.

"Thanks, Reed," said Guardian. With that said, he jumped out of the window and flew to
the battle.

J Street.

Minutes later, he arrived at the battle. He placed the device on the ground and pushed the
button. A glow began to encompass all of his comrades until they disappeared in a puff of
smoke.

The battle raged on.

Chapter Seventeen: Barney? Help me, Obi-Wan Grendel

by the Jester

kevrhon was not amused.

"Barney? This is even more ridiculous than the Jester. Wait! The Jester! He may have
some idea on what to do!" kevhron saw him, unconscious, under the table. With
a quick spell, the Jester woke. kevrhon explained the situation.

"Barney? Geez, that's stupid. Just plain silly. I want no part of this."

"You've got to help us, though. Any ideas?"

"Barney's really nice, right? Let's get some mean folks."

"How stupid. It just might work." kevrhon started invoking mystical gods. "By the great
D'onring Kulls, Kieperb Eemin, whose sarcasm defeats all, I channel the meanness into
Barney!"

A black, eldritch bolt flew into the purple behemoth. Barney screamed in pain. Then he
shrunk to normal size.

"I will not be defeated! Tee-hee! Gimme a hug!"

"What now?" kevrhon demanded.

"Beats me. I'm outta here." But the Jester ran into a tall, dark figure. Its eyes glowed red.

"Excuse me," a voice like stone on a chalkboard said. "What is this? Barney? Child's
play."

"D-d-d-d-d-d-d-ar--oohhhhhhhh, man "

kevrhon shifted in his image.

"Hey, Dad. Good to see you. You're not going to try to kill us all, are you?"

"No. I've come for the festivities."

"B-b-b-b-b-b-but, uh, B-b-b-b-b-arney! Ohhh "

"Shut, up, Jester."

"Yes sir, Mr. Evil god sir!"

"Now. Excuse me. I've forgotten a gift. Here, as a token of my respect " Omega Beams
flew from his eyes, disintegrating Barney. The smoke cleared and the bar started to get
back to its feet. Then he spoke again.

"Darkseid says, 'Party.' So, party!"

The party began again. The Jester, kevrhon, and Darkseid looked at each other.

"But what about Amazon?" they simultaneously asked.

Chapter Eighteen: TSK! This was such a nice story.

by Aquaman!
Grendel's.

The phone rang.

OzBat was still inside trying to clean up all the mess.

"Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill: This is OzBat. Try our delicious Caribbean Jerk Wings. We
cater to almost any occasion. How may I help you?" The Mite hated the way Joe made
him answer the phone.

"No, Aquaman, we don't have time."

"AQ, I really don't care if you want to battle the Pantheon right now, 'cause we're a little
busy battling an enraged giant-sized Barney."

"Listen, your chapter was good, but we had other things planned. Just wait for the next
book."

"Yes, your chapter REALLY was good. Now, I've gotta go. There's a lot of mess ta clean
up when you're dealing with a drunk Kryptonian! We're talkin' SUPER-BARF!"

"Yes, you take care, too, all rightie? Bye."

Geez, that guy talked the Mite's ear off!

"So, Aquaman was a master villain now, huh?" the Mite wot imps at midnite imped to
himself. "How much trouble could a guy who talks to fish be? Oh, well I guess we'll find
out in the next book."

Chapter Nineteen: A nice QUIET story

by kevrhon

Superman tried to focus for a second, then decided it wasn't worth the effort. He let his
head fall forward once again until his chin rested on the bright red "S" emblem on his
chest. He was anxious to get through this night and experience one of the "hang-overs" so
many of his coworkers had complained about suffering through on Sundays. For now he
let the delirium of inebriation overtake him once again. Purple dinosaurs! A man dressed
as a giant blue tick! Interdimensional guest stars? With all the things he had seen in his
career, Superman had never experienced anything as wild as the dream he was having.

"The Mighty Hank wishes Lobo and Guy Gardner were here to bear witness to what
Batman and the Borelli Lantern hath wrought! Surely none will believe that the greatest
of us all couldst not handle his beer."
kevrhon watched Hank out of the corner of his eye and smiled. It was good to see the
moody godling enjoying himself. For a moment he pondered his relationship with the
Pantheon's Own Green Lantern. He both respected but feared Jason. He was glad he was
part of the Pantheon, he was a powerful ally. He wielded a potent weapon of science
every bit as powerful as the eldritch forces kevrhon, as Dr. Fate had mastered. But he also
knew that his rapport with Jason was uneasy at best, and that he was not someone to be
taken lightly. kevrhon hoped he would never find himself on Borelli's bad side in a fight;
he wasn't sure he could handle the receiving end of that ring.

kevrhon decided to turn his attention away from Jason for the moment. An uneasy
alliance was still better than outright animosity, and he ran that risk if he tried to talk to
Jason. Besides, there was Hatman sitting in a corner looking dejected and in pain. Okay,
the pain was due to his unsuccessful attempts at juggling pool balls. The other was due to
Jenny.

"Hey, Hat. This seat taken?"

"Uhhhh," KLUNK! "Ouch! No, go ahead." KLUNK! "Owwww."

"Mind if I try?"

"Oh, umm," KLUNK! "Sure, go ahead."

kevrhon set the balls back on the pool table where Booster Gold and Blue Beetle were
about to begin a game of "Strip Eight Ball." He ordered them each a couple of beers in
hopes that they would lose interest before they lost too many articles of clothing.

Hatman seemed oblivious to all of this.

"Did you see her? What a babe! But now she's over there with Borelli. I mean, what's up
with that?"

kevrhon gave Stephen the stock guy answer he new he wanted to hear.

"Well, geez, I mean, she's a Playboy-layout-posing, MTV-game show-contestant-teasing,

record-album-releasing 'ho'. What other explanation do you need? Besides, she dumped
Hank for you, how do you think he feels? You oughta talk to him."

"You know, that's another thing." Hatman suddenly became very animated. "Why is it
that Hank and I are always the ones who lose our memories? Every time the Pantheon
gets together, one or the other of us gets amnesia, or is brain-washed, or mind-controlled,
or something. I'm tired of being manipulated."

"Oh, it's not every time we get together. It just seems that way. But you really ought to be
having this conversation with Hank, don't you think?"
Hatman nodded, then rose out of his chair and extended a hand to kevrhon. kevrhon
smiled a smug, self-satisfied smile, and stood and reached out to shake Hatman's hand.

Hat held the handshake a little too firmly in order to keep kevrhon in position, and with a
strong left-cross, dropped the plain-clothes Dr. Fate to the floor.

"I told you I was getting tired of being manipulated."

kevrhon looked up to see the heels of Hatman's boots as he walked away in Hank's
direction.

He smiled a smug self-satisfied smile.

Chapter Twenty
by OzBat

Darkseid and Orion sat at the bar. At least, we think it was Orion. The helmet had a
suspiciously golden hue, and the long yellow cape looked out of place. Call it Fate, but
Darkseid didn't notice. So, Darkseid and kevrhon/Fate/Orion sat at the bar, by the dim
fluorescent light emanating from the illuminated fish tank behind the bar, ruminating on
the existence of the anti-life equation and other cosmic profundities. And kevrhon gave
thanks to whatever God that Gods and Lords of Order give thanks to, that Darkseid was
engrossed in his Vodka-and-orange and not the inconsistencies that surrounded him.

OzBat was also especially thankful. Under the guise of polishing the rear bar mirror, he
had been able to remove several Polaroid snapshots taken during one of the Pantheon's
earlier adventures: snapshots of a little garden cottage ensconced behind a white picket
fence, and Darkseid wearing a straw sunbonnet and pink chiffon apron. The Bar had a lot
of memorabilia like this about the place; a reminder of the sort of crap they put up with as
heroes; of how close to death they lived on a regular basis; of how badly they really
needed to get some lives instead of hanging about the damn bar all the time.

As OzBat snaffled the last remaining piece of evidence under his cape, he quickly
glanced around the bar at any other momentos of past glories. Just in case. I mean, the bar
had a good collection, which OzBat had dragged out of storage in Grendel's absence. For
a guy who ran an establishment at an interdimensional focal point connected to the vast
majority of time, space, and all points in between, Grendel didn't like to look at the past
overly much.

"Maybe its got something to do with being a soulless bastard not quite so sure anymore
he got a decent deal with the devil " the Mite muttered darkly under his breath.

And prayed very, very quickly as The Dark Lord Of Apokolips shifted his weight on his
tiny bar stool. Nothing. Good! Last thing the Mite needed, whilst hovering two foot away
from the ol' great stone-face hisself, was Darkseid thinking he was talking about HIM!
Damn, he didn't even want to think about the consequences of getting Darkseids Double
Apokoliptian Fire-water and margarita mix wrong

All of this suddenly became a minor concern, when OzBat suddenly blipped out of
existence for a minute period of time. Kevrhon squinted behind his helmet's eye-slits, and
looked like he was trying to focus on the big red dot pasted to his forehead on the outside
of his helmet. Until BM faded back into view, and he could relax.

"Damn Oz-tray-lian public holidays. Always manages to throw my continuity right out of
whack!" muttered the imp darkly.

"I was wondering why you were being quiet lately. do you need any help while Grendel's
away?"

OzBat didn't really need to think about this at all, and was about to ask Kevrhon if he
minded if the Mite didn't pretend that he did need to, when a loud crash diverted the bar
patrons attention to outside.

With all attention diverted to the sight of the Pantheon and the collected bachelor
partying DC heroes taking on a 50 foot purple childrens program host, and losing, OzBat
resolved his ambitions, vanished again, and returned momentarily with a small suitcase
stashed under his cape.

As Bhar'nee was reduced to more normal proportions, kevrhon turned back to his drink.
Just in time to witness OzBat grab a last lingering photo of a giant chihauhau-powered
RC cola can surfing an antimatter wave over a desolate plain, with a hastily scribbled
note from Hat & Hank on the back, saying "wish you were here!"

OzBat did the bolt, dropping the keys in kev's lap and belting like heck out the swinging
doors. And losing the contents of his suitcase after accidentally bouncing it off the almost
comatose head of a Kryptonian reveler. He gathered as much as he could and bamfed out
of sight, leaving Superman to wonder if getting drunk was everything Beetle and Gold
said it was cracked up to be, and Batman wondering if Bob Overdog had slipped him
anything funny during that last visit to Arkham. Little flying imps in Bat costumes
visiting interdimensional bars, indeed

And Darkseid malevolently eyeing off the last fading image of a tattered pink chiffon
apron, its apron strings tied hastily around a suitcase handle.

"Son, have you been having your friends around when I wasn't home?"

Later, when the carnage had died down, a Godling amongst men-type of character leaned
down into the gutter outside the bar and picked up a fallen photograph. The Mighty
Hank! smiled, remembering glory days gone by, when heroes were heroes, and COULD
remember things without going amnesiac all the time. He settled down at a table next to
Hat, who developed a wicked twinkle of recognition in his eyes upon spying the note on
the back.

And then looked over to the receding form of Darkseid, staggering up the street.

"Y'know Hank, we should do something about bringing back those days "

The two friends stood thoughtfully for a moment, then hurriedly collected their
belongings and bolted for the door.

kevrhon screamed "Hey guys! WAAAAIIITTTT! Dagnabit! You can't leave me to mind
the bar by myself! Rhonda will kill me if I'm not home soon! Who's gonna help me close
up shop?"

And then the bachelor party got its second wind!

Chapter Twenty-One: What have I done?

(slaps forehead)
by Amazon

Far, far, far away from the chaos or whatever the heck that is going on at Joe's Place,
Amazon was into a different realm of her own.

She was on a date.

Yes, that's right. A date. And with him, no less.

The only reason she was even there with him tonight was because she was quite
impressed with the way he looked at her in the eye and asked her out without beating
around the bush.

Lord, she had to be crazy when she accepted his invitation. Of all the people in the world
that she could have been with, it had to be

Magog.

What was she thinking?

"Where are we going?" Amazon inquired.

He silenced her with a slight lift of his hand.

"It's a surprise."

And with a wave of his power staff, they were transported into into
The middle of nowhere.

OK, Amazon thought to herself, he knows what he's doing. At least I hope he does.

"This," he said, "Is what's left of Kansas."

"I can see that. Why have you brought me here?"

"This is the place where I learned my greatest lesson in humility. It's what changed me for
all mankind. My past ended here and my future began here. Now and forever this place
reminds me of what I once was and what I will be. I wanted you to share this place with
me tonight because I don't ever take this place for granted. Or you either."

Amazon was speechless. What can she say to a revelation like that? Had he really
changed or was he just feeding her some Shakespeare mumbo-jumbo in a lame attempt to
come off as sophisticated?

"So," Amazon looked around, "Here we are. In the middle of nowhere."

He didn't seem to hear her. He was kneeling down sifting a handful of empty dirt through
his fingers.

Amazon straightened out her red dress and looked down at her red high heels. At this
moment she was seriously considering clicking her heels three times and chanting that
there was no place like home.

With another wave of his power staff, they were back in Washington DC. Still far, far, far
away from J street.

Magog offered his arm to Amazon.

"Shall we eat?"

Chapter Twenty-Two: OK, the partys over!

by Jason Borelli

Metropolis

Today, there would be a wedding between Daily Planet reporters Lois Lane and Clark
Kent. There were a lot of guests. But there were some who will never be mentioned

"Jason, explain to me again why we gotta stay in the back."

"For the last time, Jester, nobody knows Clark's really Superman. To Clark, the stuff from
last night was probably nothing more than a dream."
"Drunk heroes, 50-foot Barney," snorted Mr. Miracle "Yep, I'd call him crazy."

"Sorry I'm late, guys!"

"Mite! Would you get yourself in the shield of invisibility I created and be quiet!"

"Sorry."

"Sheesh, Mite, what happened to you?"

"Hat, I ran into Mxy. Little runt was posin' as Olsen. After he messed with Clark, I told
the little bastard he still owed me $30. I think I got more of him than he did me."

"So, Mxy's dead?"

"Har har, Hank."

"Guys! Keep quiet! The ceremony's almost over!"

"Man, I wish Grendel was here," sighed Hatman.

"Who's to say he isn't here? Of course, he's probably well hidden if he's here."

The holy man declared the couple husband and wife. They kiss.

Tears came down the faces of several of the Pantheon members.

"You know," remarked Jason. "I think it's only a matter of time before we have a wedding
of our own."

"Yeah right," snorted Gail. "Who?"

Jason looked at Gail and Hatman. A smirk crossed his face.

"OH NO! NOT HIM!"

"Gail, sooner or later, you're gonna have to tell us who this mystery man is."

"Later, Jason. Much, much later."

"Are we going now?" asked JYu.

"May as well. Let's blow this pop oh man!"

"What?"
"Dark Timmy!"

The Pantheon surrounded the villain.

"Hi guys! What's up?"

"You're going to try to destroy us."

"Hank, I came here to tell you guys I'm cured. Remember the time I was trapped in that
well? It was Barney that rescued me and gave me power. He wanted me to destroy you
guys. Well, I beat it. I've been sober for three days, and I'm in several 12-step programs.
I've just come to say I'm sorry."

With that, Dark Timmy walked away from the Pantheon, never to return.

"Jason, can't we go to the engagement party?"

"No, Mite. Grendel's is closed. We gotta reopen it. God knows what'll happen if Grendy
gets there before we do."

The Pantheon flew off into the sunset.

The End