1

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 1

SHAWN sternly walks in front of the test car with a clipboard.

SHAWN
My name is Shawn McDougal the driving
instructor.

BELLA waits anxiously.

BELLA
Hi Shawn! Today's the big day.

Shawn look up from his clipboard disappointed.

SHAWN
Yes Bella, We're all excited for your
driving exam. Where is the rest of your
class?

BELLA
Oh, they passed weeks ago. Not me
though. Third time's the charm, Mr. McD.

SHAWN
It's not too late to get a scooter.

BELLA
Don't be silly, Mr. McD. I know I'll
pass this time. That's why I'm
documenting the whole thing.

Bella whips out a Polaroid Camera.

BELLA
(Cont.)
For my scrapbook.

SHAWN
Great. More evidence for the insurance
company.

Bella embraces Shawn for a photo.

BELLA
Say Cheese!

FLASH. The bright light dazes Shawn.

SHAWN
That better not show up on Friendster.
I'm a Myspace man.

Bella examines the photo.

BELLA
 2

Aw. You didn't smile.

Bella forces Shawn's mouth into a smile and takes another

picture.

BELLA
This one's a keeper.

Shawn shoves Bella aside and opens the front car door.

SHAWN
Just get in the car.

I/E. CAR - DAY 2

Bella sits in the driver's seat and Shawn sits in the

passenger's. Bella closes her eyes and hums.

SHAWN
What are you doing?

BELLA
I'm nervous. So I'm thinking about a
baby tiger dressed like a chef; kissing
a pony. Helps me stay positive. You
should try it.

SHAWN
What, stay positive? I've worked to hard
maintaining my frosty exterior to think
like a fuddy-duddy.

Shawn broods. Bella nudges Shawn.

BELLA
Do it. You know you want to.

SHAWN
Fine. I'm thinking of itty-bitty
giraffes sliding down a rainbow, beaming
out the arse of a unicorn.

BELLA
Aw, yay!

SHAWN
Bella, for the love of prickly Pete,
just try and concentrate here. Check
your rear views.

BELLA
You got it, Mr. McD.

Bella adjusts the side mirror which breaks off.

BELLA
 3

Did this car pass inspection?

SHAWN
(sincere)
hm, I musta got caught up living the
glamorous lifestyle of a driving
instructor. Somewhere between the coke
parties and the bikini models I forgot
why I got into this business: basic
vehicle maintenance.

BELLA
That's so sad.

SHAWN
It's not that sad. Just drive!

Bella closes her eyes and randomly jabs at the dashboard. The
windshield wipers start turning. Bella claps for joy.

SHAWN
Stop. Stop. Stop.

Shawn turns off the wipers.

SHAWN
The automobile is a sophisticated piece
of machinery. You must treat this
Goliath of metal and shiny bits with
respect.

BELLA
Sorry, car. I love you.

SHAWN
Please, turn the key and start ignition.

Bella starts the engine and the car instantly skids into reverse
driving right off screen. A loud crash bellows. Somehow, the car
balances upside down held by the windshield.

BELLA
How am I doing so far?

Shawn lifts the car while inside and flips it right side up.
Shawn looks down at his clipboard and sighs.

SHAWN
Look, we could do the whole song and
dance where I give you the test; you
fail the test and the cycle continues
next week. But I'd be happy to pass you,
Bella, because frankly, I don't care.

Shawn throws the clipboard out the window.

 4

SHAWN
Screw parallel parking I've got a better
plan.

BELLA
What is it, Shawn? a special mission?

SHAWN
(excited)
Sort of. I want you to drive up the
street to the Bob's Bobbin' Bagels.

BELLA
Bobbin' Bagels?

SHAWN
Home of delicious pasties and hot coffee
made from the best coffee beans hand
picked by children in third world
countries. Brewed on location by some
college dropout wearing tight pants that
leave nothing to the imagination.

BELLA
This isn't a very special mission.

SHAWN
Two words, Bella: apple strudel. The
flaky crust and gooey apple innards.
They only bake one batch a day. If you
drive us there before they run out of
strudel, you will pass the driving exam.

BELLA
Really? For true? A real license with my
picture on it and everything? That means
I can be an organ donor.

SHAWN
Sure whatever. Let's boogie, Daisy Duke.
I'm famished.

BELLA
Yay!

Bella speeds away.

I/E. CAR - DAY 3

Bella swerves the car back and forth on the road.

BELLA
Whee! Hey, can we listen to the radio?

SHAWN
The radio is for hairdressers.
 5

Bella sighs disappointed.

BELLA
Oh, You will not believe what happened
the other day.

Shawn rolls his eyes in silence.

BELLA
My mailman, Sachi San, showed me the
cutest pictures of of his kitten Mr.
Happy Fortune Cat.

SHAWN
Mr. Happy Fortune Cat?

BELLA
Yeah, even though it's a lady cat. Go
figure. Anyways, he dropped off a post
card from my sister. She's vacationing
with her fiance in Paris France. Love
it. She's not my favorite sister.

SHAWN
Is this yarn going anywhere?

BELLA
Fine, Mr. Critic. How about you tell me
a story.

Shawn laughs.

SHAWN
No.

BELLA
What is the earliest memory you have?

BELLA
Do you sing in the shower?

SHAWN
I don't sing and I don't bathe. You
can't make me do either.

BELLA
If you were a 96' Plymouth Neon what
color would you be?

Shawn buries his head in his hands. Bella makes a sharp right
hurtling the car down a dirt road.

SHAWN
Where are you going?

BELLA
 6

Don't worry. I know a shortcut.

EXT. MONTAGE OF RIDICULOUS PLACES - DAY 4

Bella and Shawn drive through numerous locations with exotic

backdrops.

EXT. BOBBIN' BAGELS PARKING LOT - DAY 5

The car flies into the parking lot.

SHAWN
We're so close. I can almost taste it.

Bella skids to a stop in front of the entrance. Shawn rushes out

of the car.

Shawn presses his face against the window to see the last apple
strudel on the counter. Another customer purchases the last
strudel

Shawn somberly walks back to the car.

BELLA
So, how's it taste? Was it fresh like
you said. Your mouth must be full
because you haven't said anything mean
yet.

SHAWN
In the depths of you ignorance. I didn't
even go in the building.

BELLA
What?

SHAWN
None left, Bella. We were too late. No
flaky crust; no gooey apple innards and
no license.

BELLA
But I -

SHAWN
Bella, you're a hazard behind the wheel
and I'm keeping you off the motorway.
You fail!

Bella swells and sobs loudly. Shawn feels bad and puts his arm
around her.

SHAWN
Come on. It's not that bad.

BELLA
 7

Yes it is. I messed up and now you hate

me.

SHAWN
I don't hate you. You're just not ready
to drive. Maybe someday.

Bella Sniffles.

BELLA
You mean it?

SHAWN
Sure, why not. Here, you can have this.

Shawn hands Bella a card.

BELLA
My license? But...Wait. A license to
chill?

SHAWN
Only valid in Margaritaville. Includes
complimentary Volcano Nachos with any
entree. While supplies last.

Bella wipes the tears and smiles.

BELLA
Does that mean you want me to try again
next week?

SHAWN
I guess so. Maybe I'll get deported
before then. Drive us back!

BELLA
Yay!

They drive into the distance.

BELLA
Punch Buggy!

FADE TO BLACK